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kinnoth · 5 months

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I like everybody else terminally online watched the plagiarism video this weekend

And maybe I'm just coming at this from a perspective of someone who was not exposed to j som before he got exposed but like Jesus fuck what the shit

Plagiarism notwithstanding, that man makes some bogus ass, shit ass claims that on a very basic level just do not pass a sniff test by anyone who knows even a little bit about anything

I mean, the man waxes on longingly about the beautiful aryan nazi bodies to serve the conclusion that US troops volunteered for service to.....prove that it wasn't just the nazis who had perfectly sculpted hairless asses? Is that like......even something anyone thinks smells a little bit true? Like on a basic motivational level, for a nation, for a people, for a single person?

Making claims that the Roman empire was 70% slaves and 30% patricians.........does that even sound correct? Like, even if all you know about ancient Rome is from memes and shit, where are the plebs? You know, the thing we still call people today, when they're acting common and unwashed

The thing about how no songs prior to 1956 made references to kissing....I mean guys.....

And like ......not to like.... But like ..... The man has the charisma of a slow growing fungus. Granted I've only ever seen clips bc by the time I got there, he'd nuked his channel, but like.... I've heard AI voices reading tiktok subtitles inject more urgency and personality into text. J som reads text like he not only doesn't know what he's saying, he doesn't know any of the individual words and how they interact with one another. Like who voluntarily listens to this boring dumbass badly read from a script that has no coherent style tying it together?

Like I know people are gagging for gay rep but fuckin seriously, not only is he a plagiarizing douche who makes shit up wholecloth, he's not even a decent entertainer

Is this what y'all are settling for? Is the bar really that fuckin low?

#taking bets on how long it'll take before j som reemerges from his ''break'' as an alt-right token shill #i say under a year #also damn dude we get it #you're from a small town in NS where it's socially conservative and the gay scene is sad #and even if it weren't sad you dont have the looks charisma or personality to pull the beefcake gays you wanna be fucking #and somewhere not very deep down you hate yourself #you hate that you're dull and complacent and stuck where you are #you think that you are being oppressed as a gay man but you also think you are being oppressed as a cis white man #and you hate how ''easy'' women have it #why do they get to be ''detached'' from ''reality'' like that? why are they ''allowed'' all of their ''fanciful fancies''#''imagining themselves lusting after serial killers''#''imagining themselves writing fanfic about fictional gays''#they're not ''real people'' like j som imagines he is a ''real person''#theyre not ''serious people'' who have to suffer things like nobody wanting to date them bc they're soulless and untalented #only it's not bc they're women jim #turns out some people --regardless of their gender!-- just have something called ''imagination''#and wouldn't you know imagination leads to curiosity and learning and sometimes even the ability to formulate one's own opinions #that one may then put into one's own words #and then you know not have to steal 300k words from other people #just to get a little bit of a taste of that thing called having friends and people who admire and care about you

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conchshell · 3 years

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Five, but whenever he’s extremely stressed or happy, some of his fingers start sporadically glowing blue.

He gets embarrassed as a kid when it happens so he trains himself not to do it until the Apocalypse came. So for most of his life when he thinks of fond memories or imagines something happy, his fingers glow a dull transparent blue.

- 🐐

The idea that it happens when he’s happy is honestly the cutest thing! I mean I really should be getting on my with Uni work, but I couldn't help myself...

- - - - - Five wasn’t quite sure what he expected when they arrived safely back in 2019, but a hug definitely was at the bottom of his list.

"What are you doing?" He asked, his voice muffled from the way his face was squished against Allison’s shoulder. He felt her chuckle, before she pulled back to give him a look of faint amusement.

“It’s called a hug.” She said, tugging him back into her embrace.

“I know that, but why?”

“Just a little thank you for getting us back home safely.”

“I said I would, I’m not one to turn back on my word.”

“Just accept it, you idiot.” She squeezed him tighter, and Five awkwardly placed his hands on her back, returning the hug. Contact was still something he was getting used to, and he’d never been a particularly touchy person to begin with, but he had to admit that it was rather nice.

“You’re welcome,” He mumbled, swallowing thickly and hating the way his eyes were prickling slightly. She pressed a kiss to the top of his hair before she released him from her grip, a fond smile on her lips.

“Yeah without you we’d probably be dead in a ditch somewhere,” Klaus commented. “Or permanently stuck in Dallas, I mean don’t get me wrong I liked the warmth, but the sunshine was doing a number on my skin. Did you know that it’s the primary reason for premature ageing?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m going to prematurely age with having to deal with you idiots.” Five mumbled, sweeping his gaze around the room.

“What was that?” Allison queried, eyebrows raised.

“Nothing.” He said swiftly.

He couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief when everything in the house seemed in order. Of course, he knew that it was naive to become complacent, he’d discovered that the hard way when he believed that the death of Harold signalled that the apocalypse had been prevented.

But he was back home. They were back home.

They were safe, and that was all that mattered.

"I still want to do a sweep of the house before we get too comfortable. Just to make sure everything is in order." He said absentmindedly. And he needed to sort out the throbbing wound on his scalp too, Lila had really done a number with that frying pan.

"You can relax you know," Diego spoke up. "It wouldn't kill you to kick back and have a drink."

"Diego!" Allison chastised.

"What?" Diego snorted, "He's officially 58, let the man drink."

"It'll stunt his growth."

"I mean I met the older Five and he was a pretty short guy, so I don't think that's anything to worry about," Luther remarked, glancing between Allison and Diego nervously, obviously in fear of yet another family discussion turning into another argument.

"Technically he was fourteen days younger." Five reminded him, and then added as an afterthought, "And I was living off rotten Twinkies and roaches, not many nutrients in there for growing. And everyone is short compared to you.”

"Well whatever, I'm going to raid the old man’s drink cupboard, and you're all free to join me." Diego grinned. “Klaus?”

“Not for me mein bruder, I’m trying to avoid the stuff. Although I’d happily kill for some waffles,” He shot them all a wink and gestured behind him with an exaggerated and broad sweep of his hand. “What do you guys say to Griddy’s, huh? Waffles and soda, just like old times.”

“Can we go to that bistro place instead? They do nice baguettes,” Vanya commented.

“Okay then, let’s vote on it, who wants to go where? Allison?” He pointed at her.

“The bistro place sounds nice. Although I want to call Claire before we go.”

“Okie dokie. Luther?”

“Griddy’s for me.” He said, giving Allison and Vanya an apologetic look.

“Diego?”

“Bistro. They do a low-calorie tuna and egg salad.”

“Sounds gross but okay.” Klaus wrinkled his nose up in disgust, before turning to him. “Five? You’re our deciding vote. Choose Griddy’s, you know you want to.”

“I can’t believe we’ve finally got back home and all you can think about is your stomach. Typical.” He remarked, rolling his eyes so hard that he could practically see the inside of his skull.

“Bro, the last thing I had to eat was a questionable lunchmeat sandwich I found in Elliott’s refrigerator. You don’t understand how hungry I am.”

“Typical.” He repeated with a hiss. “You’re all idiots, I hate you.”

“You don’t mean that, you love us,” Klaus sang, a smile spreading across his face.

“What?!” Five spluttered, shooting him a sour look. “That’s absurd, I feel like I’m having to herd cats whenever I'm dealing with you all.”

“Well, those little glowsticks say otherwise, Fivey.”

Five looked down at his hands and blinked dumbly as he comprehended the sight. His fingers were blue, a kind of faint haze of cerulean that grew more intense as it progressed along the length of his fingers and towards the tips. And once his brain had caught up, he immediately stuffed his hands into the pockets of his shorts.

“Damn, I forgot about that. It only happens when you’re happy, right?” Luther said, shock and curiosity written across his face. “I think I remember that happening a few times when we were kids, wasn’t one time our ninth birthday?”

“Eighth,” Vanya corrected quietly. “Mom got him a kit to make your own solar system, and they glowed so blue it was almost blinding.”

“That didn’t happen.” He spat.

“It did, I wrote about it in my book. The other time was when-”

“Yeah, okay, we get the picture.” He narrowed his eyes at her. He was happy that timid little Vanya had grown more confident, although he never anticipated that she would use it against him. And from the hint of a smile he could see on her face, she was enjoying his discomfort as well. “I think you’re misremembering those events. And you’re wrong, they weren’t glowing.”

“We literally just saw it happen bro,” Diego said, the others nodding with agreement at his statement.

“They didn’t glow, I’m just...” He frantically wracked his brain, “Cold.”

“Cold?” Allison repeated with thinly veiled scepticism.

“Yes, cold.”

“This time of year?” Luther added.

“It’s a drafty house,” He bit back, curling his hands into fists and willing them to return back to normal. “Now if you don't mind, I’m going to check the house over, and then we can go for food. I vote for Griddy’s by the way.”

“Yes!” Klaus grinned, punching the air. “And of course, we all know that your fingers were blue because you’re cold, it’s not like they were glowing because you’re happy we’re home and that you love it.”

“Love is a strong word.” He muttered as he strode off into the sitting room, ignoring the other’s giggling behind him. He stood for a few moments in front of the fireplace, staring up at that hideous portrait of himself hanging on the wall. The room was exactly how they’d left it, and the sight made his heart clench with something he hadn’t felt in quite a number of years.

He pulled his hands out of his pockets and unfurled his fingers, gazing at the vibrant cobalt swirling around his fingertips and sparkling like sunlight upon polished glass.

Behind him, he could hear the sounds of talking filtering from the hallway into the room. Klaus said something, which caused the others to dissolve into laughter. And then he could hear the rhythmic tapping of Allison’s shoes as she walked off somewhere, no doubt in search of a telephone to call her daughter.

Happiness. This was what the emotion was. Maybe they were right, that he was happy.

It had been so long since he’d felt such joy, and if he was being honest, he’d forgotten what it felt like. But standing here, in his family home with the air permeated by the laughter of his siblings, he couldn’t feel anything else.

#writing #long post #Please ignore any spelling mistakes haha! I just typed this up quickly on my phone #Thank you for the ask! You always have great ideas!#Five Hargreeves #The Umbrella Academy #tua #asks

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