"If your entire body is replaced by speedforce are you really the same person you started out as? "

i mean seeing as how skin cells work in the real world I gotta go with "obviously"

I gotta tell ya, if your brain completely dies and then rebuilds itself from scratch then you might wanna go see a doctor. Same for any nerve cell, really.

Cause yeah, skin cells do replace themselves at a very quick rate but your brain? You're stuck with what you got. And, uh, it's arguably the most important part. It's what makes you 'you'.

This is gonna be a rant about a probably toxic friend so if you don't wanna read it, this is a heads up.

Okay so for several reasons, most of them being that I need to move on, I decided to write this lengthy rant about a friend I'm pretty sure will not be a friend of mine for much longer, which sucks bc he's almost my only irl friend but also feels good bc he's exhausting and I'm pretty sure he's also toxic.

I've met this guy like 6 and a half years ago, and we pretty much bonded over shared interests pretty fast. The first thing that bothered me was that he'd always be late, which would be absolutely fine if he'd been honest about it. But writing that it's five minutes until he's there and then showing up 30 minutes after that, or writing "I'm on your doorstep" and taking another ten minutes to show up, almost every single time, isn't, especially since I strained to be on time the first months (meaning I'd be too early bc my brain only does too early or too late, nothing in between). And his being late wasn't just 20 or 30 minutes, several times he was over an hour late. Oh, and once when we had agreed to meet he legit wasn't home and I waited around 2 hours, which I really should have held a grudge for back then and been way more pissed at him.

The second thing that bothered me was that he was way too nosy. He'd ask if I'm free to meet and play video games or whatever and whenever I said no he'd ask what I'm doing and if I can't manage my time another way to make time for him. And the thing is, not only did I not ask several times after he told me that he's busy that day, but I actively told him, several times over the course of about the last two years, that it bothers me and asked him to tone it down. My problem here is only that he didn't stop after I asked him to, bc before I told him and asked him, how was he supposed to know.

Coming out to him went well, though he did ask me whether I'm into him, which... No. Obviously it could've gone a lot worse, but still.

The next is more a small annoyance, a small itch, although it might have been a warning sign. He couldn't handle defeat very well. In most video games he was better, but he low-key aggressively denied it when I pointed out the win-lose ratio in my all-time favourite video game series and he'd try to cheat at other games. If it was only about him being competitive I'd understand, but that doesn't mean trying to rewrite the past by blatantly lying about it and ridiculing me for pointing out that that's bullshit, especially since it's only games, played for the fun of it.

We also went to the cinema sometimes, though if it had been up to him it'd have been way more often and that's another point where he really didn't let it go after getting a no. Whether he wanted to watch a horror movie after being told, several times, that I really don't like horror movies, or just the general question of whether we'd be going to the cinema, he'd ask again and ask what I'm doing, why did I not want to go, would another time be good, couldn't I ask my parents for money (which, to be fair, I could have. But I preferred not to bc back then it was really stressful bc we had to move and renovate and I just didn't wanna add more frustration if that makes sense? Plus I wanted to get my hands on some things, which required to save up) etc. Almost every time we did end up going, it was he who initiated it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I wanted to see some of the movies just as badly as he did, but... And if he can't even accept "no" from a friend of several years (also a 100% guy friend as far as he is aware bc I didn't start to address gender issues with him), I'm worried about other contexts with that word. Also we did some kind of text role play (just texting back and forth with OCs inserted into several fantasy works like the Inheritance Cycle, who would parttake in the storyline, no set rulebook or anything) and his characters did some questionable and even outright deplorable things and when I wanted his character to suffer consequences, he always wanted him to get away with it. Like, his idea for one of his characters "pranking" mine in reaction to a prank which in itself was a retaliation to his character's pranks was kidnapping and waterboarding my character. And he kept defending it as a prank and demanded that my character should just forgive his character, like... It really made (and continues to make) me wonder and worry just how much of his darker thoughts I don't know about. And I don't know how accurate it is but I once saw a post with a quote that went along the lines of "man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." (btw I couldn't think of a satisfactory way to phrase it so I ended up looking up the quote and apparently it's from Oscar Wilde)

So I spent a fair amount of time arguing with him over that and trying to explain to the best of my ability why it was wrong, and for some time it went better.

Fast forward a few months to the blm protests or more specifically news coverage of it and info I sent him. He defended cops and blamed the protestors and even justified the atrocities of the cops, so that was the first instance where we had a huge fight. I practically drowned him in links and videos etc and some weeks into that I thought I'd managed to get through to him (Spoiler: I didn't really get through to him) so I kept it in mind but continued to have contact with him and everything (bc at the time I didn't know that I didn't really get through as much as I thought).

From there on it pretty much went downhill. We had been thinking about doing a trip to London for a few days (his idea but at the time I really wanted to go, it was around 2 years ago when I still practically worshipped that one author, she who must not be named) and to this very day he's not letting it go completely. Even though the pandemic puts lots of obstacles in the way and I have more important things to worry about, namely final exams and applications. Even though London is expensive as shit and I still have no way to earn money atm. And about the vacation, I finally canceled last summer (and gave the aforementioned reasons) and he completely lost his shit and got super aggressive, insulted me and tried to guilt-trip me into taking that back and agreeing to still go on that vacation with him. Then we got into another fight where he wanted me to cancel the vacation with my grandparents, which was already planned and booked and everything in order to make time for the vacation I'd already said I don't want to go on with him anymore and aggressively demanded (he didn't ask, he sent a demand and bombarded me with exclamation marks) to know when exactly I'd be going on vacation with them. Then he went offline after I refused and ignored the next few messages I sent him and only replied when I asked "what I'd I reconsidered my stance on the trip?". I mean, baiting him with that definitely was shitty of me, but the result showed that that was basically what he wanted, pressure me into still going on that vacation. That specific conflict had been going on for weeks, bc despite me telling him that it's counterproductive and detrimental to my mental health to increase the pressure and therefore my anxiety about getting a job to pay for the trip, he kept pressuring me while acknowledging that he's giving me lots of pressure and anxiety and even using that against me.

He also didn't acknowledge that most times we try to meet, he goes offline for hours before replying and disappearing again. That would be absolutely fine if he didn't accuse me of doing that, which btw is his standard technique and it took me a long time to realize that. He always tries to shift the blame to make me look like the one at fault, and he always, always demands that I apologize when we had a fight via WhatsApp.

And when I started enforcing my boundaries and telling him to stop asking again and again why I can't meet, what I'm doing, or demanding other explanations, he started to attack me for the kind of language I use, so when I'm ever so slightly sarcastic he immediately latches onto that and creates a new conflict.

But this still isn't all, oh no. He's also basically an ecofascist, and is fully okay with sacrificing social justice to save the environment, completely choosing to ignore that the people he's protecting are the ones at fault and that the ppl who contribute the least are the ones experiencing the hardest ecological consequences.

He's said multiple times that he thinks both sides are equally bad, in the context of left and right in general as well as antifascism and fascism and that he doesn't "condone the oppressed defending themselves with any means necessary" bc that, too, would include violence. He's defending the "right to free speech" even when right-wingers say really disgusting shit, he disagrees with prohibiting demonstrations of ppl who think that Corona is a hoax, he has zero empathy for ppl who are affected, who suffer long-term consequences from infections, not even for ppl who die from it (he literally said "people die anyway, that doesn't justify imprisoning everyone else") and somehow still thinks he has the moral high ground.

And the last bit he did was explaining to me, from his endocisallohet white guy perspective, how I'm "not discriminated against" bc gay ppl in my country can get married (only since 2017 btw) and when I, despite the fact that I shouldn't have had to and that it was a real blow to my mental health, wrote him a message that was almost the length of an essay, he calmly started to question my replies with the detachedness of someone who's discussing whether pineapple belongs on pizza and demanding further explanation. To top it off, he said that marginalized ppl have to always reply to everyone calmly and politely, no matter if it was offensive bc the person asking might be unaware of that. Otherwise, he said, everyone would be right to stop listening to us. Like, he literally said that we don't deserve human rights if we're not licking the boots of our oppressors if that way of thinking is followed through to the end.

I almost forgot, he also thinks that white ppl should have a say in whether something is a racist slur, or whether something is racist in general (we're both white, but at least I'm trying my best to unlearn what my upbringing taught me instead of being the cliché of the white person who goes "how dare you call me racist, I've never been more insulted in my whole life!", which is basically his reaction)

So up until this last fight, I conceded some ground to him to end the fights and keep him as a "friend" not only bc I feel horrible when I imagine losing one of my only irl friends but also bc I was hoping I could get through to him and educate him, to the best of my ability, on how to be a good ally to marginalized people. But the disregard with which he treats my explanations why the way he talked (wrote) about marginalized people is absolutely not okay and the fact that he just told me that he genuinely doesn't see how he did anything wrong even after I explained it to him in detail is just too much to bear at this point.

Oh, and while looking through the chat to prove him a liar I found that apparently, to him a promise is a promise, no matter whether it was given under pressure or voluntarily, so do with that what you will.

systemising

build firm foundation and renovate system continuously to replicate and challenge results. Punishment is more like conformity than self-control because with self-control there needs to be an internal drive, not an external source of punishment that makes the person want to do something... Minimum Impact Suppression Tactics (MIST) may result in an increase in the amount of time spent watching, rather than disturbing, a dying fire to insure it does not rise again...involve additional rehabilitation measures on the site that were not previously carried out...When selecting an appropriate suppression response, firefighter safety must remain the highest concern...important to consider probable rehabilitation need as a part of selecting the appropriate suppression response. Tactics that reduce the need for rehab are preferred whenever feasible...Evaluate and provide feedback as to the tactical effectiveness during and after fire incident...Burn out and use low impact tools for ground fuels... Identify high hazards with easy to spot signs...Use natural openings as much as possible...provide essential cleaning needs where crews are staged...Select impact-resistant camping sites...lay out camp components carefully from the start. Define cooking, sleeping, latrine, and water supplies. When there is a small group try to disperse use. In the case of larger camps: concentrate, mitigate, and rehabilitate... managing fire "with time" as opposed to "against time."...consider the land, resource and incident objectives, and to decide the appropriate management response and tactics which result in minimum costs and minimum resource damage...select management tactics commensurate with the fire’s potential or existing behavior while producing the least possible impact on the resource being protected...using the minimum tool to safely and effectively accomplish the task Type 1/2 Incident Commander establishes and nurtures a close dialogue with the resource advisor assigned to the fire team. Review actions on site and evaluate for compliance with land line officer direction and effectiveness at meeting fire management protection objectives...Monitor operations to ensure MIST is implemented during line construction as well as other resource disturbing activities Much of the work on how the brain reaches decisions is based on evidence from perceptual learning... Pre-exposure reduces the frustrations related to the delay of the outcome...The decision tends to be based on the option with the higher (linked with the desirable outcome incentive) value at the time of the decision...(after making the pre-commitment action) person is more likely to exercise the self-controlled decision... if a person is able to change his choice after the initial choice is made, the person is far more likely to take the impulsive, rather than self-controlled, choice... Internals may perceive they have options from which to choose, thus facilitating more hopeful decision-making behavior as opposed to dependence on externally determined outcomes that require less commitment, effort, or self-control... Exerting self-control depletes glucose. Reduced glucose, and poor glucose tolerance (reduced ability to transport glucose to the brain) are correlated with lower performance in tests of self-control, particularly in difficult new situations... approaching a temptation by defining it in abstract, general terms as opposed to specific, concrete details...better able to place a temptation in context and properly evaluate its long-term impact, and therefore are more likely to maintain self-control...hot features (of objective/temptation) make it more difficult to delay gratification. By focusing on the cool features, the mind is adverted from the appealing aspects of the marshmallow, and self-control is more plausible. associate subconscious with self-awareness as self-awareness is a powerful ability to see oneself clearly, to understand who one is, how others sees one and how one fits into the world  for fulfillment; stronger relationships; creativity; ethics; performance; effectiveness; interest direction. for subconscious, use “what” rather than “why” questions for definition to move forward in reality for clarity instead of being trapped in uncertainty. this is as hiding of unconscious thoughts, feelings and motives from conscious awareness disables excavation of unconscious thoughts, feelings and motives. this is also as human perception is subjective, not objective. focus on being aware of body, mind and feelings in present moment (exercise default mode network self-referential processing neural network part to better manage posterior cingulate cortex) to see clearly what one gets when one gets caught up in one’s behavior, move knowledge to wisdom and exercise ability to let go when necessary (feel joy of letting go too). regularly do mindfulness exercises (portable brain fitness routine to keep one’s attention strong) at least 15 minutes each day - focused attention and open monitoring, better attention over time when one’s attention is under stress. mindfulness allows reduced anxiety, protection from depression relapse, and improved working memory. Open monitoring helps you learn to pay attention to what’s happening around you without attachment -  remaining open to arising internal or external experiences and allowing those experiences to wash over you. Without processing or thinking, notice occurrence and allow occurrence to dissipate. notice body sensations (bite-sized experiences’ pieces manageable moment to moment rather than choking emotion) come and go learn to see more clearly results of one’s actions to let go of old habits and form new habits. most basic nervous system positive and negative reinforcement reward-based learning process - context-dependent memory (dependency to tap into inherent capacity to be curiously aware for awareness possibility) learning repetition process (trigger, behavior, reward) that becomes a habit. this process can alter its trigger from physical signal to emotional signal with the creative brain. use curiosity to step out of old, fear-based and reactive habit patterns (loop); stepping into awareness to eagerly await next data point (exercise default mode network self-referential processing neural network part to better manage posterior cingulate cortex). go with the process with focus on curiosity in what is happening in one’s momentary experience for awareness (move knowledge to wisdom). Having a willingness to turn toward one’s experience rather than focusing on cognitive behavioural control is supported by naturally rewarding curiosity. continue to understand self-awareness importance and develop self-awareness. If one finds one so lost in thought that one can’t accomplish the open monitoring practice, go back to doing a focused attention exercise to steady oneself. After one has a good grounding in focused attention practice and can keep one’s attention on a particular object or set of sensations for a period of time, one can move on to open monitoring. when the mind wanders, gently return/redirect one’s attention in mindfulness exercises. Focused attention exercises cultivate one’s brain’s ability to focus on one single object. Focus on something that is tied to one’s sensory experience. When one’s mind wanders away from that sensation to internal mental content or an external distraction, gently return it to the sensory experience object. use habits to create the mental space needed for free thinking and creativity. since the conscious mind can only pay attention to one problem at a time, habits are used to reduce cognitive load and free up mental capacity to allocate attention to other tasks. beyond analysing each situation angle, cues predicting success are locked on while everything else is tuned out. This is while skipping the trial and error process with a mental rule of “if this, then that” in appropriate situations. Appropriateness can be determined when the situation is able to be integrated as whole - parts are tied together in a way that supports each other. This is so that disadvantageous effects can be reduced. Appropriateness can be determined relevancy in engagement of Kolb’s repeating learning process cycle of experiencing > thinking > reflecting > applying. build habits in the present to do more of what you want in the future. habits are formed through reinforcement. start with influential subconscious “why is what being done even being done” (follow self-interest lead tendency) - limbic brain’s decision making as well as no language capacity emotions; then “how is what being done being done” - limbic brain’s decision making as well as no language capacity emotions; then “what is being done” (proof coming from “why is what being done even being done”) - neocortex’s rational and analytic thought (with tangible items) as well as language (prefrontal cortex cognitive behavioural control goes offline when one is stressed out. one then falls back into old habits). simplify impactful objectives since achievement is linked with how problems are approached as well as the continuous and compounding nature of how decisions are made to solve those problems (marginal improvements). Desire for Self-Control Limits Exertion of Self-Control in Demanding Settings. ways to think to be aligned with problems: 1. design refers to innovation methodology; designed thinking or technically human centered design. 2. engineering thinking for clear repeatable solutions. 3. optimization thinking where no right answer to problem. unclear, continuously changing success criteria which when found can’t be reused - inherently human problem intersecting future. engineering prototype. design prototype. build way via prototype iteration to get reality feedback before commitment - (expose assumptions) curate curiosity; ask and understand question; try; learn; iterate prototype iteration processes till sufficient idea obtained to implement and problem solve. 4. analytic thinking where think with premise; think thin; slice down; question process. relevant decisions can move the probability of achievement (decision success rate) before progress can be quantified and tracked. develop new ways to work together to develop task clarity - go beyond old habits as well as focus on familiarity and previous operating experiences to explore better ways to get things done; go beyond memories for how to frame solutions to any new task; remind new task focus. The mind projects thoughts into consciousness while one lives in a world of thought unlike external experience. One can focus only on the vision a size of a thumb with great sharpness, clarity and accuracy. Perception is therefore a subjective experience. attention focus management actions and envisioning, changing perception experience, increases speed and decreases exertion. model to direct focus towards impactful objectives in meaningful system (achievement process); use precision and recall (relevance with accuracy, especially for what others are challenged by) in prioritization predicting while noting correlation is not causation. sustainable system has safe haven for resources to recover from what was already taken and sustain what might be taken in the future; prevent wastage. critical to reward effort, learning and progress. emphasize the processes that yield these things, such as seeking help from others, trying new strategies, and capitalizing on setbacks to move forward effectively. the outcome — the bottom line — follows from deeply engaging in these processes. A big part of having a learning attitude is showing that you’re open to feedback. Get feedback to get outside your head and know if you’re doing it right. Periodically check in with those you are already building relationships with, and ask them if they’ve noticed you doing anything that might be inappropriate. This gives them the opportunity to provide feedback and clearly signals that you’re open to receiving it in the future, should something arise. If you know that you have an event coming up, you can even do some practice runs and get feedback before you step into the “performance” setting. It’s also ideal if you can get feedback shortly after you commit a faux pas — and here is where your self-reflection work comes in. After sharing the scenario and your insights with the people you’re building relationships with, you could ask them to help you understand what you’re missing, where you went wrong, and what a better interaction would look like from the perspective of the other culture. Depending on the nature of the relationship, and whether you have caused offense, you may also want to get feedback about how to make things right again. Ask whether there is anything you can do, or more indirectly, establish efforts to repair any damage. This can help you move forward and also sets the learning process in motion again, with its emphasis on building relationships. Adopt a proactive stance where you work toward avoiding faux pas while simultaneously leveraging them as learning opportunities. encourage appropriate risk-taking, knowing that some risks won’t work out.  reward employees for important and useful lessons learned, even if a project does not meet its original goals. support collaboration across organizational boundaries rather than competition among employees or units. commit to the growth of every member in words and deeds, such as broadly available development and advancement opportunities. feedback relevant failure lessons into communal learning experience. continually reinforce growth mindset values with concrete policies, eg. facilitate sharing information, collaborating, innovating, seeking feedback, or admitting errors. growth mindset gives people a richer sense of who they are, what they stand for, and how they want to move forward since the mindset entails enjoying challenges, striving to learn, and consistently seeing potential to develop new skills.