i was supposed to help this guy at work w his photography assignment :/ we're not exactly friends, but it doesn't sit right to simply label him as a coworker, so let's say he's a good acquaintance rn. so he had this assignment where had to take abt 10 pictures and he wanted me to model for him. told him i'd be down but needed to know more abt the assignment and what it entails. took some arm-twistin' to get the info out of him (red flag!) but eventually i got it and he had this theme that truly inspired me and i was officially down: i had a fit in mind, places we could shoot, poses, etc. unfortunately our last-minute shoot had to be cancelled bc he was swamped w work.

some weeks after tho, he tells me that actually, the assignment has been delayed and he wants to try a new concept. unfortunately, again, we had to let it go cus he rly wanted cool smoking shots and not only do i not smoke, i actively avoid any smoke bc of my asthma. (plus he wanted shots of me looking passed out and i didn't feel comfortably being captured like this by some guy who's not even a friend yet.) also clearly he was still trying to figure out what the assignment required of him and was throwing stuff at a wall (shedding light on a seemingly random social issue) and hoping it would stick (getting his teacher's approval) and i refused to give a confirmed yes til i could tell that he knew and understood exactly what he wanted.

well it is clear from the very first sentence of this post that it didn't happen. the reason why i bring this up is bc we last spoke today and he had a brand new concept, and i quote, "reclaiming your identity thru fashion." generally good concept except that it doesn't mean much, so i asked him, "what identity?" and he said, "well, ykno, you're black, bisexual, fat, etc." and i had this strange feeling, like a subdued version of a horrified realisation, when i understood that i wasn't just helping him w a project - i had become The Project.

which could've been flattering. i've been asked to be someone's muse before and i haven't posed yet but i'm open to it. but w him, it's like i'm literally some means to a gain. i feel like a fkg bingo card he wants to use to get a good grade at the Social Issue Class: Photography Edition. i'd signed up to put on my best outfit and do funky, cool poses in the streets, not have someone tighten a corset around my fat torso or hold up signs of insults targed at me that i'm "reclaiming." it got incredibly personal out of nowhere and was proposed w none of the respect or finesse it deserved.

so yeah i had to shut it down. and he said, "but you had an almost nude shoot," but yeah i was naked around other naked ppl, not just one guy w a camera. and it wasn't abt me as a person but /he/ made it so and now it's weird!!! some ppl, it just feels like their liberalism or wtv is all just lip-service and he picked me for his project bc i'm Black and Fat and Bisexual and Nonbinary and Alternative and it'll make him look so good in front of his classmates and teacher

gosh this is long but yeah no it rly bothers me still. he seemed real disappointed and like he didn't rly have a plan b for his project. sucks to suck but i chose not to care too much altho i feel like i'm letting him down, but he's been a lil passive-aggressive in a jokey way (saying he'd hold a grudge and had no choice but to take lame pics out in the streets :cccc insert mr krabs' tiny violin) and there's no better way to alleviate my guilt cus i hate passive-aggression. it's fine tho if he's a lil upset as long as he gets over it and leaves me alone.

tbh im excited for hakoda!! ik he isn't the best dad considering he left but... we know he's gonna be in full dad mode just like how katara would be but to the Extreme. i just feel bad because i know some of sokka won't want to see him because he'll think his dad will think he's "less of a man" for what happened 💔

My feelings for Hakoda are the same as my feelings for Iroh. I’ll just leave it at that.

But I do agree that Hakoda & Katara are going to be full protection mode and they are going to want to keep Sokka SAFE!!

& it might take some time for them to warm up (HA!) to the idea of the prince of the fire nation being Sokka’s safety person. & possibly more than that ;)

Ahhhhhhh “less of a man” such a brutal but true statement. Sokka will need to be reminded that his past trauma does not define him, just like it doesn’t define Zuko,,,, but i have a feeling that will be a hard concept for them both to grasp. (Especially as MORE events unfold…. :D)