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merakiui · 2 months

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the birds and the bees.

yandere!riddle rosehearts x (female) reader cw: yandere, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, nsfw, slight dub-con, implied stalking, age gap (riddle is 19 and reader is 29) note - you're hired to teach riddle about the birds and the bees. you need the money. he needs to get laid.

The Rosehearts’s Residence looks about how you expected it to after driving past houses of similar size and grandeur. Unlike you, they’re definitely not strapped for cash. It’s an impressive structure with its elegant wrought iron gates and expertly trimmed hedges. You’re immediately overcome with bitter jealousy when you step through the entrance, passing rose bushes in full bloom. If only your apartment could look and feel as nice as this place. You almost wonder if you should keep Mrs. Rosehearts’s contact in case she ever needs a gardener or a window washer…

But then that risks your cover, and the last thing you want is to get tangled up in trouble with the upper middle class.

Gathering your courage, you smooth invisible wrinkles in your pencil skirt, steady your balance in your Mary Janes—both at socially acceptable lengths and heights—and bring your fist down against the door. Seconds after the third knock, it opens to reveal a woman who looks as prim and proper as the landscape of her home. She takes a long moment, drinking in your formal features, and then smiles approvingly.

“Ah, (Name), you’re early.”

You soften your face into something polite and demure. “Better early than late.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

She steps aside, gesturing for you to come in. You meander into the foyer and are instantly reminded of those exquisite house tours on MagiTube. There’s a fine layer of modest Victorian wealth to the decor. Flowery wallpaper, a lofty ceiling, an aureate chandelier, a vase filled with fresh tulips of all colors… Oh, how you wish you could live here!

“Your home is beautiful,” you comment as you straighten your bow headband.

“Why, thank you.” Her eyes light up once more. “I’ve always admired this neighborhood. Everything is so well-kept. Speaking of which, where did you say you’re from?”

“Oh, I’m actually getting ready to move back to school at the end of the summer,” you explain, narrowly dodging her question. No way I’m telling her I live in a not-so-affluent neighborhood… She’ll totally kick me out. “I’m staying with my parents in the meantime and working a few jobs to support myself.”

“And what was it you’re studying again?”

You paste a hollow smile on, sensing her distrust. I already told you this when we met at the clinic. Do I really seem so suspicious?

“I’m studying to be an ob-gyn.”

“A wonderful profession,” she praises, nodding to herself. “Very wonderful indeed. And how old are you? I merely ask to confirm. There are so many miscreants nowadays. You can never be too sure.”

“I understand completely, Mrs. Rosehearts. I’m—” you almost falter, your real age on the tip of your tongue— “twenty-two. What about your son? You told me he’s also looking to get into the medical field?”

“Not looking. He will pursue medicine,” she corrects sternly. “Just like his mother.”

You swallow your disgust and try not to let it show so openly. Yikes… Talk about controlling.

Mrs. Rosehearts waves you onwards down the hall. “My Riddle will be leaving for his first year of college at the end of August. Though I’m certain he’s more than prepared, it never hurts to review.”

“Absolutely. So you’d like me to give him the talk?”

“Not just that. I’d like you to teach him well enough so that copulation and any other libidinous ideas are the last things on his mind. Stamp them out if you must. He’s to focus on his studies and make good decisions just as I raised him.”

Shouldn’t he already be familiar with this? Besides, he’s not a kid. Of course he’s going to think about sex. Most of us do when we’re horny.

But you can’t say that outright, so you settle for something vastly different.

“It’s important to stay on the right path and be responsible.”

Mrs. Rosehearts nods her agreement. Your stomach twists in discomfort.

On second thought, I don’t want to be upper middle class if these are the people I have to deal with. Is this guy going to have any chance to be social? To live his life? To make and learn from stupid mistakes? I bet he can’t wait to get out of here and go off to school.

“I apologize if this is rude in any way, but I just want to ensure I’ll be paid accordingly.”

“Of course. Good work must always be recognized and rewarded.” She stops at a door. “I cannot thank you enough for lending my Riddle your time. Teach him well.”

“I’ll do just that. You can count on it.”

Pleased with the level of maturity you’ve displayed, she raps her knuckles against the door and calls out, “Riddle, the tutor’s here.”

“Very well, Mother. I’ve just finished today’s readings, so you can send them in,” comes a muffled reply.

Today’s readings? you think, perplexed. Your gaze slides from the door to Mrs. Rosehearts. Does she have this guy doing summer school? That must suck! What a shitty way to spend your summer, cooped up inside filling out workbooks and stuff.

“I’ll be out running errands in the meantime. I trust you’ll be all right by yourself?”

“Perfectly all right,” you assure her, to which she hums and strides past you. You catch her perfume as she departs, and it reminds you of the types of scents worn by saggy, old ladies who have nothing better to do than sit around and complain about the state of the world and the way their children turned out.

In other words, a scent you associate with misery.

You wait until she’s out of sight before opening the door and stepping inside the study. There’s a mahogany desk in the center, and thick textbooks are piled high on either side. Beyond that, beside a big bay window with cream-colored curtains drawn to let in the sun, two large bookcases are packed with an array of tomes. At the front of the room, a blackboard has been built into a wooden frame. Chalk lines the ledge, situated within reach of an eraser. And sitting at the desk, his eyes glued to an open book, is a young man. A pair of round frames sit on the bridge of his nose, slipping ever so slightly down the slope of it when he peers at the page. He pushes them up when he finally lifts his head to greet you.

“Hey.” You wave awkwardly, easing the door shut.

He seems taken aback by your appearance. “Oh, yes. Right. Hello…”

Silence soon fills the space. You wonder if you should just save yourself this nonsensical waste of time and retreat.

“Sooo.” You fold your arms behind your back, rocking on your heels. “Your mother’s probably told you why I’m here.”

“I’m aware.” He shuts his book and stands from his seat. “My name is Riddle Rosehearts. A pleasure to meet you.”

You blink at his outstretched arm. “(Name). Likewise.” You grab his hand and shake firmly.

So stiff…

“So where’re we starting? The basics? You want the whole ‘when a man and a woman love each other very much’ version or—”

Riddle scoffs and yanks his arm back. “I’m not a fool. I’ll have you know I’m well aware of sexual reproduction and what it entails.”

“You can call it sex. No one’s forcing you to be all biological,” you tease. His body goes rigid, and his face reddens in what you assume is flustered annoyance. “Anyways, since you’re not as brainless as Mother Dearest wants me to assume, I’ll just get into it.”

Riddle stares at you, his arms folding over his chest. He looks like he wants to argue, but instead he huffs and lowers into his chair.

Wordlessly, you undo the buttons on your blazer and shrug out of it. Your blouse goes next, untucked from your skirt and shucked. Riddle’s eyes are so wide they nearly pop out of his skull when he spies the white, lacy false collar that just barely covers your breasts. You’re about to step out of your pencil skirt next when Riddle clears his throat.

“W-What’re you doing?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“No?”

“I’m teaching you the birds and the bees.”

“N-Not in that outfit! S-Surely not…” He averts his eyes, crimson crawling up to his ears. “You’re practically nude!”

“That’s the point of lingerie, silly.” Your skirt pools around your ankles to reveal the rest of your frilly ensemble. A black-and-white cupless bra and crotchless panties set, both with plenty of ruffles, held together with a pair of garters. Still wearing matching stockings and your precious Mary Janes, you bend down to gather your discarded clothes. They’re set aside on a nearby chair. “You can look.”

“A-Absolutely not!” he hisses, squeezing his eyes shut. “Y-You… You’re not decent. It’s rude to stare.”

“Come on. You got past anatomy diagrams just fine.”

Riddle opens and closes his mouth, speechless like a beached fish. Eventually, he manages to gather his coherency. “You’re a tutor, aren’t you? Where’s your dignity?”

“Nonexistent. I lied.” His head snaps over to view you, and he seems so scandalized by your admission that it’s almost comedic. “No way I’m studying to be an ob-gyn. I’m not even in school.”

“What?! But you—”

“It’s fine. I looked the part, didn’t I?” you joke, waving your hand about dismissively. “C’mon, mama’s boy. You’re going off to college. It’s nothing like those stuffy anatomy courses.”

Riddle tries and fails to look at anywhere that isn’t you, his eyes lingering on your chest to the space between your legs to the thigh garter and then to the ceiling. He’s so red you think he might explode.

“You’ve been with a girl before, yeah?”

With lips pursed in a tight line, he shakes his head.

“Sounds about right.”

“And you’re so experienced?”

You flash him a cheeky grin. “Don’t worry about it, mama’s boy.”

“I’m not a mama’s boy!”

“No? So you just let your mother treat you like a little baby at your grown age? You let her pick out sex tutors for you?”

“I—” He stops himself from speaking to mull over your questions. “If it’s what she deems necessary…”

“Because our biggest fear is sexually awkward you knocking up some girl at school, right?”

“I… I would never! Safe sex is—”

“Very important when you’re not trying to conceive. Good boy. See? You know your stuff.”

Riddle’s eyes narrow into vicious slits. You brush his scorching vitriol off and turn towards the board. Procuring a piece of chalk, you scrawl words on it: Birds and Bees 101. Wholly unamused, Riddle folds his arms across his chest.

“Your mother told me you’re gonna study medicine, so you’re probably familiar with everything already. And I’m sure you know all about the baby-making process on a biological level.” You whirl to face him, your tits bouncing with the peppy motion. Riddle swallows thickly. “But just to make sure… Let’s review.”

“R-Review? You don’t mean—”

“What’s this?” Your hands close around your tits. Riddle’s enchanted with the way you squeeze them—the way they depress under your fingers.

“Um… Ahem. Well… T-The breasts. They’re a type of glandular organ located on a woman’s chest, and they’re made up of lots of tissue and fat. There’s the mammary gland—that’s what produces milk. Oh, and then there are the areolas right around the nipples. Those are—”

“You can call them what they are.”

Riddle blinks, shaken from his studious spiel. “W-What?”

“You know the word, mama’s boy.”

He flusters. “Yes, I’m aware. But…”

“No harm in saying it.” You run your fingers over your nipples and giggle sweetly like a schoolgirl. “Go on…”

He inhales a deep breath. “They’re tits,” he mumbles, desultory. “Y-Your tits.”

You clap, beaming brightly. “Well done! Moving swiftly on…” You run your hands down the expanse of your stomach, stopping just beneath your navel. “What’s here?”

“Your womb. O-Otherwise known as the uterus. It’s where a baby grows over the course of nine months.”

“Mhm. Good job.”

He pushes his glasses up his nose, clearing his throat. “There’s more to your reproductive system than the uterus. Lots of parts. Important parts.”

“Right. But I don’t need to quiz you on it. You obviously know your stuff.”

Again, your fingers inch lower until they’re prodding at your folds. Riddle’s breath audibly hitches.

“And this?”

“Your vagina. It’s where—”

“What’s the other word?”

Riddle avoids your stare. “It sounds so vulgar…”

“So what?”

“S-So there ought to be a term that’s more…flattering.”

“Like what?” You approach him and, with the grace of a swan, lift your leg onto the desk to give him a better view of yourself. Shamelessly, you dip your fingers inside to spread yourself. “A guy called it the honeypot once. That pretty enough for you?”

Riddle squeaks and flinches back in his chair, his face now even redder than it was before. “T-That’s fine…”

“Really? I’d have thought the implication in that one is much dirtier than calling it a pussy.”

It takes him a moment to connect the dots, but once he does he gasps. “Ah. Then…”

You press inwards with your fingers, exaggerating a pornographic sigh. “Yeah?”

“Can I… M-May I call it your flower?”

“Sure.” His shoulders slacken with a flicker of relief. Your next words shatter that and his pride in one fell swoop. “That one’s not as special as you think, mama’s boy. I’ve heard it all—every type of flower you can think of.”

“Even a rose?”

“Especially a rose.” His lips twist into a disappointed moue. You chuckle and add, “You can call it a rose if you want. I don’t mind.”

Riddle meets your eyes then, searching them for the joke. When one doesn’t present itself, he relaxes. “All right. It’s a very pretty rose. Soft…”

“Aww. Thanks for saying so. It’s softer inside, y’know. See?” Spreading yourself wider, you angle your hips to bless him with the full view. “My fingers slide right in. Wanna guess why?”

“B-Because the vagina naturally—” He stops himself, his brows knitting together in contemplation. When he speaks next, it’s with a determined sort of conviction. “When you’re aroused, your rose produces a natural lubricant during sexual excitement.”

“Mhm. We call that ‘feeling good and getting wet,’ Dr. Rosehearts.”

“Yes. Y-Yes, I know that.” He eyes your pussy, a ravenous glimmer in his intelligent blue-greys. “And the wetness—it’s supposed to make it feel better. To make insertion easier, I mean.”

“Right again.” You ease your fingers out but not before thrusting them deeper just so he can hear the sinful sounds. They shimmer with your essence, enticing in a forbidden way. “What about the other parts? How about this spot here?” You brush against the hood of your clit, circling it slowly.

Riddle watches, hopelessly spellbound. “The clitoris.”

“I’m impressed. Most guys don’t know about it.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“But it’s your most sensitive erogenous zone! Just how uninformed does one have to be to neglect such a crucial part to your sexual anatomy?”

“Woefully uninformed, I’m afraid,” you mutter with a pout. Your fingertips drag your hood up to reveal that pretty, perky nub. “I think it’s dumb your mother wants me to talk you out of sex. You’re going to college. You’re an adult. You’re free to do whatever you want.”

“I…” Riddle frowns at that last line. “I have no interest in it. Besides, it’ll only hinder my studies. If I really need it, I’ll just masturbate. That’s healthy every now and then, and it doesn’t break any rules.”

“Really? No interest at all?” You shoot him a knowing look and run your tongue along your bottom lip. “Because your dick’s telling a different story.”

Riddle sputters, embarrassed, and squeezes his thighs together. His hands fly to cover his lap. “That’s because you’re—” He gazes at the floor. “Because you’re so pretty…”

Temporarily thrown off course, you gape at him. “What?”

“You’re beautiful.”

Gathering the remnants of your mask, you piece it together and laugh. “Not the first time I’ve heard someone describe it like that.”

“Not just your pussy.” Your gaze snaps to his. He smiles, impish. “I’m sure you know what I mean, Teacher.”

You exhale a short laugh. “Someone’s suddenly confident.”

Riddle rises from his seat. His fingers close around your wrist, gently pulling it away from your clit. He moves around the desk to stand in front of you and then, before you can comprehend his intentions, he’s pushing you down onto the desk. You yelp at the sudden change in position, your eyes blown wide when he presses his clothed hard-on against your bare pussy.

“You’re doing a poor job at dissuading me from wanting sex.”

“I wasn’t trying to.”

“Not in that outfit.” He grabs at the meat of your thighs and parts them. “If Mother knew you lied to her…”

You shake your head at him. “Please don’t tell her. I… I’m being serious. I need this money.”

“Desperately?”

Your lip curls into the beginning of a sneer. You hate feeling powerless more than anything, but the fiery glaze in his eyes is just as troubling. “I’m not going to beg.”

“I haven’t asked for that yet.”

You roll your eyes. “Not funny. I agreed to teach you about sex. We’re not actually doing it.”

“A shame.”

“You’ll find a nice girl at school. Don’t lose hope, mama’s boy. Lots of girls like the smart types who’ll give ’em a lecture on biology and stuff.”

“I think you misunderstand. I don’t want other girls.”

“Okay?”

“My mother’s paying for a tutor and I desire you, so unless you want to leave here as a lying cheat…” He hums, seeming awfully haughty to hold the only thing that tethers you to him above your head. “You need the money, right?”

“Yes. Sure, of course I do. But—” You shift on the desk, silently horrified when he rocks against you. “We can’t. Your mother—”

“Weren’t you the one saying I should live my life? That I have the freedom to do as I please?”

“That doesn’t mean—come on; listen to yourself. You can’t honestly think I’d fuck you.”

“No? And yet you came wearing this outfit, parading around the study with your pussy and tits out.” He glances past you at the window. “And you didn’t even bother to close the curtains… How brazen.”

Your attempt to jerk away from him is made in vain. He pins you down onto the desk, one hand squeezing your breast, while the other works to fish himself from his trousers. Now hard and leaking, his cock rests against your stomach. It’s not a terrible size. If anything, it’s perfect. Just right for your tastes.

“W-Wait! It’s not safe. You can’t—” You inhale sharply, bucking up towards his hand when he presses his thumb against your clit. Biting your lip, you fix him with a glower. “If you pay me… If you promise not to tell your mother—”

Riddle leans in close. “No one needs to know. No one but us.”

Your eyes flit about the room. With a withering sigh, you submit to his touch. “You’d better pull out in time.”

Riddle rolls his hips once and his cock drags along your folds. You hiss through your teeth at this new friction, a sinful delight more dizzying than any type of alcohol consumed in excess. “Do you want to be a mother?”

“What I want has nothing to do with you. I’m just—ooh—t-trying to survive. You wouldn’t know what that’s like, so don’t poke fun.”

Riddle hums, kneading your breast and rubbing you to the edge all at once. It’s so very obviously his first time, his zealous nature trumping any sort of experienced technique. It still does the trick, though, sending little bolts of pleasure up your spine.

“My mother wouldn’t just choose anyone. Her standards are very high.” His eyes flick to your face, drinking in your expression as it shifts with restrained bliss. “Somehow you’ve earned her approval.”

“Lying’ll do that.”

“Maybe.” His fingers replicate the motions you did earlier, though with a singular objective in mind. He’s so focused on succeeding in this endeavor that it makes him look so stiff. Under any other circumstances, you’d find it cute. “Mother always knows what’s best for me. Obviously you’ve met her criteria if she’s hired you.”

“Spoken like a true mama’s boy.” Seeing as this is now your unavoidable fate, you reach up to touch his shoulders. He jolts, his initial glare softening. You tamp down another giggle and massage up and along his arms. “Relax a little. Don’t rush so much.”

Or do. Let’s get this over with before your mother catches us.

Riddle traces two fingers along your labia. He’s quiet as he takes all of you in, and when he sinks three fingers into your gooey heat his breath catches in his throat. “Are you… D-Do you feel good?”

You reach for his unoccupied hand and guide it to your clit. Riddle understands the suggestion well enough, for he massages you slowly. Sucking in another breath, you nod at him.

“Not bad. You’re getting there.”

His neglected cock throbs at the praise, and so you wrap your fingers around it to give it the same amount of attention he’s currently giving you. Riddle grits his teeth at the contact.

“You can move your fingers. Don’t just focus on my clit.”

“Ah. Right. Of course,” he babbles dumbly, so swept up in everything that you are, so very eager to please.

You’re like a work of art pinned to his desk, a delicacy more forbidden than anything from the bakery. Sugary-sweet, adorned in skimpy ruche, you’re a temptation laid bare. Delicately, as if you might shatter, he curls his fingers to press up against your insides. Riddle watches you arch up towards him, your hand working his cock maddeningly slow and steady. It feels good—better than anything he could have ever imagined.

His eyes trail from your lips to your tits to your pussy stretched around his fingers. “Do you have any plans for this summer?”

The sudden question catches you off guard. You were expecting something related to sex, not whatever this new shred of curiosity is. Still, that doesn’t stop you from dragging him closer to the edge of ecstasy with every tug of your fist.

“Why?”

“I… I’d like to get to know you.”

“Me?”

“Of course. You’re more than a body to me.”

“How charming. I just—” You frown, unable to follow where he’s going with this. “Why?”

“Isn’t that obvious?” Even though he says it like it’s a fact, he looks shy. “I want to know you.”

“Uh… Yeah… Okay.”

“You don’t believe me?”

“Not that… It’s just hard to imagine you having any girl friends.”

Riddle rolls his eyes and grinds his thumb into your clit. You bite back a whine as his fingers pump in and out of you. “Is that space open or closed?”

“You know which one.”

“You could be the one to close it.”

You meet his eyes then. For a short minute, the two of you hold each other’s stare. And then, breaking free from his hypnotic hold, you squeeze his length gently. He shudders, his lashes fluttering against his cheeks.

“And what about you? You excited for your first year?”

“Mm, yeah,” he murmurs, rutting into your hand. His fingers spread you open, scissoring gently.

“Just make sure to take time for yourself. Have fun. Live.”

“What did you do?”

“What do you mean?”

“When you were at school—how’d you manage?”

“I never went.” He opens his mouth to interject, but you beat him to it. “Couldn’t afford it.”

“Oh…”

“It’s fine! I’ve got plenty of experience in other things. I don’t need school for that.”

Riddle doesn’t believe your feigned optimism for a second. “If you could’ve gone, what would you have studied?”

You release his cock from your hold and reach up to pull his glasses from his face. Gingerly, minding the fragile frames, you set them aside. You lift your index to your lips, effortlessly coy. “It’s a secret.”

Before he can protest, you tap the hand at your cunt next. Riddle’s fingers, wet and shiny, slide out with a slick squelch. “I think you can do it.”

“What?”

“Go to school and study what you want. I believe in you.”

A wooden laugh tumbles from your lips. “Thanks for the encouragement, mama’s boy.”

“I have a name, you know.”

You smile easily. “You want me to call you something else? How does ‘good boy’ sound?”

Even though he tries not to let it show, his cock betrays his reticence with a small twitch. He’s an open book. Not wanting to give you the satisfaction, he lines himself up instead. Your fingers slip down to spread yourself for him.

“S-Slowly…” you whisper, stumbling over your breath as the head of his cock presses inside. Shallow at first before more inches fill you.

Riddle heaves a shaky gasp, his eyes wide with amazement. “I… I’m inside you…”

“How’s it feel?” “Warm. Soft. Snug. R-Really good.” He bows his head and digs his fingers into your hips. You think he has a dozen more adjectives on the tip of his tongue, each one just as fluffy as the last. “D-Do you feel good? It doesn’t hurt?”

“I’m fine.” You wind your legs around his waist to pull him closer. Your hands come to rest upon his shoulders once more. “Move your hips.”

Riddle does just that. His pace is awkward and inexperienced, every motion unsteady and jerky, as he searches for the right rhythm. He falls into it surprisingly fast, and it isn’t long until he’s smoothly rutting into you. You grab at his shirt, your breath coming in reedy huffs.

“Good. You—haa—good. You’re doing good.” Praise pours from your lips like a waterfall, plentiful and refreshing. It invigorates him, fills him with a confidence that wasn’t there before.

The soft slap of skin on skin fills the room. You keep your voice in check, lest you lose yourself and alert Mrs. Rosehearts. Riddle seems to be doing the same, even though it’s obvious he’s struggling much more than you are. He worries his bottom lip between his teeth to suppress his groans.

“You can touch me,” you whisper, petting his cheek. He blinks at you, his face aflame with a bright blush.

Nervously, he reaches for you and then pauses. Contemplation passes over his features. “What feels better? I want you to—no. I will make sure you cum. I’ve studied it, actually. I know how long it takes.”

“Look at you, doing your research like a diligent student. You want extra credit?”

Riddle chuckles and pinches your clit between two fingers. The rest of your teasing tapers off into a lewd squeal. “What was that about extra credit?”

“You’re awfully bold for your first time.”

“I’m not clueless.” His hips press inwards, plastering you to the desk, and his cock brushes that special spot within—the spot that has you seeing stars, your every nerve tingling with pleasure. You choke around a delighted gasp. Riddle, feeling victorious, places his hand against your stomach, as if searching to feel his cock thrust up inside you. “Will I see you again after this?”

“If your mother wants me to come back and give you another pointless lecture on celibacy and safe sex, sure.”

“No, not that. Outside of this.”

“Don’t you have friends you’d rather hang out with?”

“I…do.”

“So spend time with them.”

Riddle doesn’t dignify that with a retort. With the way his eyes gloss over, you wonder just how many of these friends are within physical distance. The conversation stalls out into silence.

“You’ll make lots of friends at school. So many you’ll probably forget all about me.”

Riddle yanks your hips to meet his, driving himself deeper into your pussy.

“A-And you’ll find a nice girl to love if you’re looking for that kinda thing.”

“I am,” he confesses, breathless. “I want to get married and—mmh—start a family one day… I want to study law—become a lawyer… Mother thinks medicine suits me, but I can’t agree. Law is fascinating. It’s a perfect fit for me. Far better than medicine.”

You drag your thumb over your mouth, wetting it with your lipgloss, and then press it to his lips. The indirect kiss sends a tidal wave of arousal over him, darkening the tips of his ears in striking vermillion. You offer him a gentle smile while he recovers from that devastating flirt.

“I’ll make sure to hire you as my lawyer if I ever get into legal trouble.”

“You’d better not!” He laughs and shakes his head in amused disbelief. “But if you do, I’ll be there for you. Always.”

“Thanks, Riddle.”

Maybe I judged him too harshly. He’s not so bad.

In that stuffy study, just as the late afternoon gives way to red-orange streaked across a purple-pink sky, Riddle fucks you against that desk in all manner of rhythms. It’s when he finally picks up speed that you realize he’s nearing his end. You mirror his enjoyment, strung along by titillating touches and whispered words drenched in sweetness. You’ve lost track of how many times you’ve reached rapture alongside him, your pussy now brimming with cum. There’s so much it leaks out of your slick hole when he draws away, only to burrow his cock deeper to stuff it back inside.

The room reeks of sweat and sex. You think, if not your disheveled appearance, the smell will definitely tell Mrs. Rosehearts all she needs to know.

“I love you,” Riddle murmurs, and you’re about to ask him what he means—maybe he’s caught up in the moment and doesn’t realize what he’s saying—but then he lifts your legs up to fold you into a mating press. Coherent thoughts are knocked out of your head when he spills over, filling you up for the nth time that day. You shiver beneath him, eyes rolled back into your skull and tongue lolling out. You feel so stupid, fucked submissive by some inexperienced, upper middle class mama’s boy. Which isn’t even an insult with real heat to it, but in your hazy mind it’s all you can think of to describe him.

He grinds against you in the aftermath, panting from the exhilaration and adrenaline.

“We need to…open the window,” you mutter, your heart thumping wildly in your chest.

Riddle admires your fucked-out expression in his sex-drunk daze. He slides out just as he feels himself going flaccid. Cum drips onto the desk below. Briefly, you struggle to recall whether or not you took your birth control today.

Something to consider later. Definitely not right now when you’re still clinging to the vestiges of your orgasm.

— — —

Mrs. Rosehearts knocks on the door, opening it to find Riddle sitting at his desk, jotting notes and occasionally pushing his glasses up. You’re standing at the blackboard, writing a list of the consequences of unplanned pregnancies. The room smells pleasantly of roses.

“Pardon my intrusion.”

You gaze at her and smile, wearing the clothes you arrived in. Nothing’s amiss. It’s perfect—thankfully. “Welcome back, Mrs. Rosehearts. We’re just about finished here.”

“Is that right? I assume all went well?”

“Very well. Your son’s a fast learner. Extremely talented.”

“I would expect nothing less.” She withdraws an envelope and hands it to you. “Thank you again for explaining it in realistic terms. Of course I doubt that my Riddle will act senselessly while he’s away, but as his mother I’m prone to worrying. Boys his age are so easily influenced.”

“O-Of course! That’s a very valid concern.” You force a chuckle.

If only she knew.

“Your pay is in that envelope. Should I ever require your assistance again, I’ll be sure to call.”

“Right… Thank you.” You hold it close to your chest. “I’m happy to help.”

You follow her out the door. She pauses to address Riddle. “Do continue reviewing your notes. We’ll convene for dinner in thirty minutes.”

“Yes, Mother.”

Mrs. Rosehearts walks you to the gate. “I wish you luck in your studies. If I don’t see you again at the clinic, have a pleasant summer.”

“Thank you. You as well.” You smile, fidgeting slightly. A bead of sweat tracks a path down your leg from between cum-spattered thighs.

Finally! With this I can pay my rent and still have enough for a treat from the bakery.

It’s worth it, or so you continue to tell yourself.

— — —

From the window, Riddle watches you make the walk to your car. He lifts his phone to fit you in the camera and snaps a secret photo. He continues to watch you until you’ve driven off and turned the corner, disappearing from his sight.

A tiny smile tugs at his lips.

Within his phone, put under a password lock, a special photo album exists. It’s filled with pictures taken from your social media—all of them. Every. Single. One. He’s resourceful when he wants to be. He can play the parody of a tech genius when he sets his sights on something.

And you’re just perfect.

#yandere twst #yandere twst x reader #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere twisted wonderland x reader #yandere riddle rosehearts #yandere riddle x reader #yandere riddle #yandere riddle rosehearts x reader #n/sfw #tw: age gap #tw: dubcon #tw: pregnancy mention

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lvrsparadise · 10 months

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'JEALOUS' - M.S

Synopsis - She's always liked him.

Warnings! - Profanity, kissing, reader being jealous, Matt n reader being cute, fluff

A/N - Okay. I want to kms because I had originally written out something so beautiful for this. And then I accidently deleted something, and I forgot that if I press control z it ERASES THE WHOLE DAMN THING! So, this is a re-write. Enjoy!

Work was so tiring. I got cut from the floor at 7 instead of 9, when I was supposed to get off, because I had no tables. I made barely $40 in tips. And not to mention the weird drunk creep who kept asking my co-workers and I, very uncomfortable questions. I sigh as I clock out of the system and grabbing my stuff before saying bye to my co-workers.

I walk out the back to my car. I open the driver door and throw my stuff in the passenger seat. I just sit there and recollect myself before I put the key in the ignition, turning on the car.

Thee drive back to my house was quiet. I didn't have the radio on, I didn't have the windows down. I wasn't even on the phone with anybody. Today was that stressful.

'I'm going to have to ask my maneger for more hours next shift.'

I pull into my driveway and grab my stuff, turning off the car and walking to my front door. I open it and am immediately bombarded by my puppy, Sam, and my cat Mr. Murray.

I set my stuff down on the couch before walking upstairs to my room. I get undressed and hop in the shower. After my very refreshing shower, I throw on some comfier clothes - a pair of pink and black plaid pajama pants, a white tank top, and one of Matt's hoodies he left over.

I flop on my bed with a sigh. I sit up and open my phone, opening my messages app before clicking on Matt's contact. Matt is my brother's best friend. Well, actually, Chris is my brother's best friend, but I learned that they're a package deal. Get one, get all.

1 ring. 2 rings.

"Hey. Everything alright?"

I breathe out a small sigh of relief at the sound of his voice.

"Hey. Yeah, no everything's fine. I've just had a stressful day and I was wondering if we could go for like a drive or something?"

"Yeah, no that's fine. I'll be over in 10."

"Okay. Thank you."

"Always."

That's the last thing I hear before the line goes dead. Knowing he's going to be here in less than 10 minutes, I slip on my converse and head downstairs.

I love on and play with Sam and Mr. Murray for about 5 or 6 minutes before I hear a car pull in my driveway. I instantly recognize it as Matt's car. I grab my wallet, just in case, my keys, and my phone, placing all of them in the pocket of the hoodie. I hear a knock at my door and Sam barks. I yell out his name to get him to stop barking as I open the door.

There he is. Looking perfect as ever. Even in sweats and a hoodie. He's wearing that damn smile. One I return gratefully.

"You ready?"

"Yeah. Let's go."

I close my door behind me as I walk out, locking it as well before I walk over to the passenger side of the car. I get in and so does Matt. He pulls out of my driveway and starts driving around with no destination.

"How was your day? Why was it stressful?" He turns is head towards me as we're at a red light.

"Well, I got cut from the floor early because we were dead, and I had no tables. I made barely $40 in tips. I also had to work with that one girl I told you about. She made the day ten times worse. And this morning, Sam thought it would be nice to wake me up with a surprise next to my bed." I rest my elbow on the center console, resting my chin on my hand as I look out the window.

"Yikes." I hear him say as the light finally turns green and we start driving again.

"What about you? Anything fun happen?"

"Chris almost like, broke the ceiling in the warehouse."

"How in the hell?"

"I have no idea; I wasn't around when it happened. But Nick was and he kept making jokes about it reminding Chris that he did it. It was hilarious." He chuckles quietly.

"I bet."

"Oh shit."

"Hmm?" I turn my head towards him, his gaze switching between the road and the dashboard behind the steering wheel.

"I'm almost out of gas. I think I have enough to get us to that 7-11." He jerks his chin towards a 7-11 that's not too far. It's dark out, not many cars are on the road, the gas station seems empty.

He pulls into the gas station, pulling up to a gas pump. He turns the car off after rolling down the windows a little bit. He gets out and walks over to the pump, which is next to me because for some reason, the gas tank is on the right side of his car instead of the left. So, as he fills the tank up, he's also leaning on my window, talking to me.

"Did anything interesting happen in your day though?"

"Um, let's see. Oh, there was this older gentleman who tipped me $25 for being the best server he's had. He was celebrating his anniversary, but he said that his wife had passed away a few years ago. So, every year on their anniversary, he goes out and gets himself a meal. It was so sweet, it almost made me cry."

"Wow. That does sound swe-"

He's cut off by a girl walking up to him, looking to be around our ages, maybe a year or so older. She's talking with hi and flirting with him. I feel my blood run cold with jealousy at the realization she's flirting. Matt's hand is like holding onto the window, his hand partially in the car. I take advantage of that and I somewhat intwine our fingers, my own mindlessly playing with his.

Either she can't see me through the somewhat tinted windows, or is openly ignoring my presence, she asks him out to dinner. I squeeze his hand and he squeezes mine back. I hear him say 'Oh, I can't sorry. My girl is in the car' and my heart skips a beat. Multiple beats actually.

He finishes filling most of his tank and pays before walking over to the driver's side as quick as he can speed walk without running. He turns the car on at lightning speed. He starts to drive off to my house.

The drive is silent. Other than the really quiet hum f whatever is on the radio, there is not a peep coming from either of us.

About halfway through the drive back to my house, he reaches his right hand over the center console and grabs my left hand, interlocking our hands before resting them on his thigh. My chest is filled with butterflies. My head is empty. I feel my face heat up as I turn to look out the window next to me.

We pull up to my house. As soon as he puts the car in park, I'm out the car and making a b-line for my front door, unlocking it in record time. I didn't realize Matt was hot on my heels until I turn to close the front door, his hand stopping it. I sigh in defeat knowing I won't win. He pushes the door open and then walks in, closing it behind him.

"Were you jealous?"

"What? I have no Idea what you're talking about Matt." I place my wallet and keys on a table I have next to the door for that reason. Of course, I was jealous, but I would never admit it out loud. Especially to the guy I was getting jealous about.

He shakes his head and crosses his arms "Wrong. Were you jealous?"

I roll my eyes slightly "Matt- I don't get why you're asking me this. It would be the same if it were me-"

"No, it wouldn't."

"Wha-"

"A guy touches you? Jealous. A guy flirts with you? Jealous. Takes you on a date? Kisses you? I'm jealous. I'm jealous as hell. How have you not known? I'm not very secretive about it at all. Now I'm going to ask you one last time. Were you jealous?" His voice, despite being stern and angry, it still is soft and kind.

I sigh in defeat, crossing my own arms, mirroring his pose. "Yeah. I was. I was very jealous."

There is nothing said after that. And there doesn't need to be. Next thing I know, I'm being softly pinned against the wall and Matt's hands are on me. One on my cheek and the other on my waist. I try to look at the hand on my waist but the hand on my face makes me look into his eyes. He doesn't say much, but words aren't necessary right now. He leans in and kisses me.

The kiss is soft, tender, sweet, and everything a hopeless romantic like myself could ever want. I entangle my hands in his hair, closing whatever space was between us.

After what felt like hours, but was really 20 seconds, we pull back for air. Both of us are panting.

"I'm taking you out Friday. 6:00. I pick you up, with flowers, take you to dinner, then I take you to a 7:00 movie, then we walk on the beach before I take you back home and kiss you goodnight. How does that sound?"

Although my eyes are still closed, I hear the smile in his voice, and at his words I can't hold back a smile of my own. I open my eyes and look into his beautiful blue ones that look like they're the ocean. I swear I get lost in them for a few seconds before replying.

"That sounds perfect."

I don't have a taglist for the Sturniolos!

If you want to be in it, all you have to do is ask! <3

I love all of y'all!

#l writes!#matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x you #sturniolo triplets #wow didnt know i had that in me #props to a tiktok lady for giving me the idea #wow im tired

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gerardpilled · 1 year

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I want to say thanks for acknowledging and being critical of racism done by MCR band members and racism in the scene in general. I just recently got into MCR a year ago on a deeper scale and I have found many things off putting and kind of yikes. It's nice seeing someone who is critical of what the band members have done in the past and not excusing them and addressing that it was an issue as a whole. I used to be very hateful towards Lindsey but now I realize that it would be hypocritical (I still do not like MSI just due to it not being my taste in music and I don't care for that shock value type lyrics). I was wondering if you know any resources that talk more about racism in the scene? It's something I'd like to know more about

Oh it’s no problem! Thank you for thanking me, but I don’t see myself as doing anything special. I was raised in an environment where I was fortunate enough to be around people and friends who have made me aware of implicit racism -from my self and others- since an early age. Hearing “well, that’s cause you’re white” is a playful joke but it also made me aware of stuff! Just from what I’ve seen in recent years, the shortcomings of white people who are the focus of fandom are often ignored. There’s nothing wrong with pointing out a racist thing your fave said or did because it doesn’t necessarily make them A Racist™️ (sometimes it can). It also helps people recognize the issues before they get worse. POC aren’t a monolith - there are plenty of things disagreed on amongst any community - but there are definitely over arching sentiments.

Anyway, I’m basically just reiterating a bunch of talking points made by poc on here. As for further reading, I feel like the best sources for me have been mutuals’ posts. First hand stories. Being receptive when people share how certain things make them feel. Racism in this particular scene is also sort of a new and emerging topic as the people who lived through the heart of it are just now reaching authorship age. I look forward to seeing what comes out in the next few years.

What I have right now:

My Chemical Relaxer - a short autobiographical story about growing up Black and emo

News story about how the current state of hardcore is looking much more diverse

Sing It Zine - zine made by fanartists a few years ago!! It’s great, I bought a digital copy myself. It’s filled with art and short essays about how it felt to grow up in a scene that often ignored non white people. Also a bunch of tumblr users participated, so it offers a great follow list if you’re interested.

If anyone else has any suggestions, add them in a reblog, or send them and I’ll do it!

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ky-yk · 1 year

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2:28 am (hyj x f!reader)

genre: fluff || word count: 968 author's note: back from the dead with smth self indulgent and way farther from what i envisioned

in. out. deep breaths, y/n.

lying in a pool of your own sweat, you heaved while staring up at the ceiling. not even a blasting a/c could stop me from shedding my weight in sweat, huh. you learn something new every day, you thought to yourself.

you turned my head with what energy you had left and squinted your eyes to look at the time: 02:28 am, it read. you closed your eyes and sighed, turning to look back up at the ceiling.

"literally, why do i do this to myself. i had a whole day to work out and yet here i am," you muttered to know one in particular. maybe it was a way to distract from the baby hairs sticking onto your forehead and the ends of my locks feeling like you'd taken a shower that you'd suddenly become hyper-aware of.

"i wonder the exact same thing."

a husky voice broke you out of your reverie. you propped yourself up on your arms as you looked over to the door that you're surprised you didn't hear open and met the striking brown eyes of a certain songstress. your eyes grew wide as you tried to sputter out an answer.

"o-oh, hey yunjin!" such a charmer, y/n. nice going.

you then got up and ran over to the couch where your towel lay and tried to at least make myself look presentable. "what're you doing here? it's so late," you asked in english.

"i could ask you the same thing, y/n," she chuckled with a shake of her head. she turned her attention to the lone yoga mat near the end of the room.

"i-i'll clean that up, don't worry!" you sputtered out. you then scuffled over to the yoga mat and started rolling it up. "anyways, what're you doing here again?"

"leader's orders. she's been trying to contact you all night," she replied nonchalantly. you cringed at the thought of worrying your chaewon-unnie. yikes...

"um, tell her i'll be home soon," you replied.

the quiet hum of the air conditioners was the only thing filling the awkward silence between you and your same-aged friend. who you also happened to be crushing on. hard. i mean, it was hard not to. she was quite literally everyone's dream girl. insanely talented, creative, witty, and not to mention, absolutely gorgeous. when she came home from the salon after dyeing her hair black for unforgiven promotions, your soul quite literally left your body.

aside from those, though, she felt like home. the whole debut process -- from getting scouted at a school talent show to moving to korea barely speaking the language -- would've been even more hellish had she not been around. your first training session with the girls was nothing short of grueling, made even more so by your evident insecurity and shyness. you sat on the couch with the girls as they chattered away nonstop among each other, their conversations going in one ear and out the other as you stared off into the distance and just let everything sink in.

"hey, you good?" she asked you in english, and the familiarity in a strange land lifted a whole weight off your shoulders.

only for it to make it so easy for you to fall into the trenches that is huh yunjin.

"i'll wash up real quick and then head home," you told her after cleaning up after yourself. she hummed noncommittally as you picked up your belongings and made your way to the hybe showers. when you came back, she was sitting patiently with her legs crossed and her phone in her hands, looking at it intently. you finally got a good look at her: how her glasses hung on for dear life at the end of her nose, how her hoodie engulfed her and made her look oh so cuddly, and how she let her hair down and had it frame her face perfectly.

goddamn, get up, y/n.

"let's get going?"

"come here, first."

she put her phone down and opened her arms up for you to come into. you confusedly put your bag down and walked over to her, only for her to turn you around and pull you into her lap. your eyes widened as you felt your heart beat against your chest. you looked down at her arms tightening around your waist, hoping your hair would cover your reddening face. that was probably fruitless though because you were certain she could feel the heat radiating off of you with her chin resting on your shoulder.

"um...care to explain?"

"i'm just feeling affectionate," she mumbled.

"ah." she probably would've clung onto kkura-unnie if she was here. i just happened to be the only person around. get up, y/n.

"besides, i haven't seen you often. you're always disappearing after our schedules; my english is getting rusty, you know?" you could hear the pout in her voice. you turned to look at her and completely underestimated the distance when she turned to look at you too, noses barely touching.

"so when chaewon-unnie was going to ask zuha to look for you, i stepped up. i missed you."

"we see each other every day though."

"but we never get to hang out."

"valid, i guess."

you broke her gaze and turned to look at yourselves in the mirror. yunjin plucked her phone up and turned her camera on.

"look, y/n."

your idol instincts turned on and posed for the camera in front of the mirror: hand on your cheek, face scrunched up in a smile as yunjin shot away until...

you felt her nosing away at your neck and leaving a little peck on the spot. there was no way she couldn't feel your heart drumming against your chest.

"cute. let's get going?"

"yeah, sure..."

#🐻 — ky writes #le sserafim #girl group imagines #huh yunjin x reader #lesserafim imagines #lesserafim x reader #huh yunjin #yunjin #lesserafim yunjin #yunjin x reader

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20dollarlolita · 10 months

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What's up, here's a little pep talk I had to have with myself about the fact that I've recently gone from invisibly disabled to very visibly disabled. It was a pep talk for me, but you can have it too:

Part 1) You deserve to be more than surviving. When you can fumble through and do okay, nice. But what if you can give yourself more support? If, instead of fumbling through, you are able to be comfortable and happy, then you're allowed to do what makes you comfortable and happy. You can do what makes you comfortable and happy, even if you don't NEED it just to get by. Also, BTW, if you feel very poorly when you drive in stop-and-go traffic for more than 4 minutes, because your body is in too much pain from pressing the brake pedal, you deserve better than that.

Part 2) I didn't feel particularly awkward getting disability aids that weren't visible. Expensive insoles in all my shoes isn't a thing other people see, and I didn't feel weird getting them myself. Taking ibuprofen multiple times a day wasn't a visible thing, and I didn't feel weird doing it. It was when I was looking at getting a cane, and when I was looking at getting a wheelchair that I started worrying about if I was "disabled enough" to need it. That was some fun ableism to get to unpack. Invisible things, didn't need to question if I needed them. Visible things, "ooh what if I'm just overreacting?" Can only trust my own judgement of my disability when no one can see it? Yikes.

Part 3) "What if I get a cane and then I get better?" YES. YES. THAT IS THE POINT. THAT IS THE BEST CASE SCENARIO. IF THAT HAPPENS, THEN YOU WIN. YOU DID GOOD.

Part 4) Everyone's ability level fluctuates constantly. It's so built into our lives that we don't even see it, at least until it's someone's disability. "I deadlifted 290lbs yesterday and now my arms feel like noodles," is overexerting yourself and paying for it the next day. Being willing to hike 5 miles in hiking boots, but not wanting to walk a mile down the beach in flip flops? That's your ability level changing depending on what support you get from what you're wearing. Walking 5 miles in hiking boots, but calling a Lyft to drive you 10 blocks because you're wearing high heels? That's getting help from someone else because your ability level is lower that day.

But when it's not being able to get out of bed because you cleaned your house yesterday and overexerted yourself, when you'll walk across a parking lot with a cane but will use a rollator to walk 1/4 mile, when you need someone to push your wheelchair on days when you don't feel good, it feels harder to accept. Also, a lot of abled people fully understand not walking 10 blocks in heels, but consider a disabled person faking because they use nothing one day and a wheelchair the next. Understanding changing ability level is so built into culture that it's not even noticed, but understanding dynamic disability level is apparently just too much to ask people.

Part 5) Every motivational speaker will talk about proacting and reacting. Reacting is looking at the situation you are in, and figuring out what to do about it. Reacting is what you do after something happens. Proacting is where you look at the future, and figure out what to do so that the future situation is something better. Proacting is what you do to make something happen.

Despite the 20dollarlolita pep talks tag on this blog, I'm not a motivational speaker. I'm not going to say that you must proact all the time. I'm going to say that proacting is very valid. If you look at your situation, and you go, "If I use my wheelchair today, then I will have enough energy to do what I want to do tomorrow. If I don't use my wheelchair today, I will be in pain and have difficulty functioning tomorrow," then you can use the wheelchair, even if you feel fine. I've found that, when I use my cane, I often don't feel like I need it. However, my situation is such that I can go from, "I don't need it," to "I really need it," faster than a sponge in a treedome. Over the span of a couple of steps, I can lose my balance or step wrong and find that I'm really leaning on my cane for the rest of the day. Not bringing it because I don't need it at the start of the walk from the parking garage to the coffee shop means that I don't have it on the walk back to the parking garage from the coffee shop. That's putting strain on my ankle that I don't need to put.

Waking up, feeling fine, and still using your wheelchair is completely valid. If you have even the slightest concern that not using your wheelchair today will make things even the tiniest hair bit worse that it would if you'd take the wheelchair, you can absolutely take the wheelchair.

You don't need to proact all the time, though! If you say, "Yeah, I don't want to take the wheelchair, and whatever happens tomorrow will happen," that's also your right. You're the one in your body, and you'll be the one who pays the consequence of not doing something, so you can make a judgement that most other people can't. As long as your judgement is based on your body and your ability, and isn't based on society pressuring you to take less accommodation than you need, you can make that judgement.

Part 6) Sitting down in a wheelchair, your elbows are generally much better able to hit someone's crotch than they are if you're standing up. Sometimes, people will do shitty ableist things. And look, no one knows for sure that it wasn't an accident, that someone did a shitty ableist thing and then you accidentally elbowed them in the crotch. Just food for thought there.

#20dollarlolita pep talks

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chaifootsteps · 5 months

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Armchair Psychology Anon here (not a real Psych just seeing patterns)

I uh... hmm.

So Lilith/Eve is the true villian, wanting to destroy the relationship of Charlie and Lucifer?

Of course it is. (If true).

And her liking these tweets of Luci x Lilith lately makes a whole lot more sense. The fans are most likely not going to take this well if this leak is true. Also, it makes sense that her trading card crops out her face, gives her no last name, and makes her look sinister as hell. She also still has not yet had her VA revealed and no real good look at her.

I just... it's interesting as well that Alastor is secretly sent to protect Charlie. (Male character, too, of course. And seeing someone say he's also a father figure now makes sense as well.) I always liked the idea that he was secretly going to turn on the Hotel and Charlie (or just leaves) and be an obvious hidden antagonist. And it's interesting that Charlie DOES end up forgiving her. Viv mentioned spending time with her mom over the holiday, so it's clear that perhaps that they do have some sort of civil relationship at the very least.

And of course, the Root of Evil is a woman.

Chai, I say this as nicely as possible, especially after carefully analyzing and seeing the complaints of HB as a whole, and that recent interview with Brandon asking about how women are written, and about Ghostfuckers (whilst also knowing about the leaks of it). Also likes silly tweets about being depressed, and most of her main cast of Helluva consists of depressed characters. Especially Stolas (who is also rich, and Vuv defends like crazy (He's her self insert/her father rolled into one character). That one is not too hard to see. Most people are depressed these days (myself included).

Vivienne needs therapy.

She needs it if she hasn't already been getting it.

I understand that writing out trauma is therapeutic. I have author friends who do it. I do it myself. But I also see my own therapist every week.

She clearly hates women. She loves her own father and incorporates loving father/daughter relationships into her own work and clearly does not let anything get in the way of that.

That's why the main character is allowed to be woman. Because it's Viv and the relationship with her own father. Charlie is also bi... which Viv is apparently too.

Something else I've noticed is older bad dads.

Which is ironic because God punishes Lucifer (his son) and Luci wants to be good for Charlie.

I think it's quite possible that maybe her grandfather was not as kind to her father, as her father is to her. See Crimson to Moxxie (it can be assumed Moxxie wants children and would be a loving father). See Paimon to Stolas, and Cash to Blitzo.

But then, going down the line of the newer fathers being better to their daughters. Stolas tries with Octavia (doesn't try very well), Blitz REALLY tries with Loona, Millie's dad seems to have a healthy relationship with her. Perhaps her father has shared with her that his relationship with his dad wasn't great and that he wanted to be a better father to her and her sisters. And whatever her mother did to her/her father...yikes.

Her latest IG post also does mention being depressed about "plans changing" and that food from her dad helps.

I just... wow. Viv can be so easily read. She really doesn't leave anything hidden. And she can't stop herself from writing out her truth.

And that's not going to go over with the fans or public at all, I'm sure of it.

It is also interesting to have a male voicing Katie Killjoy. Hmm. Not that I have a problem with men voicing women, but when it comes to Viv... I don't have a good feeling about it. I've also noticed Brandon seeming a bit miserable in his IG posts and his HH ones don't seem very excited either.

I think his declining views on his own channel other than the 2 HB ones say a lot. Especially when he's clearly trying to placate Viv by saying he's "one of the worst writers of HB".

Chai... oof. I don't know what else to say. We'll just see what comes next.

Thank you for all of this, Armchair Psychology Anon. Your writeups are always fascinating to read, in a haunting sort of way.

I don't know what's going on in Viv's personal life and family history, but all this is pointing to something that demands a really good therapist. Viv being an awful person doesn't negate that.

#Anonymous #armchair psychology anon #viv stuff #vivziepop critical #actual blog post

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ninalanfer · 21 days

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Not having the brain to count or think and make decisions for a garment rn, no matter how hype I am about another summer top or tee, I cast on the Laulu Shawl (my spring is apparently all about Sari Nordlund's patterns...) the other day. And after a couple of false starts, because the gauge seemed... Super weird to me (but I've never done a cable shawl or knit with mohair before). So I blocked it and decided that no, I did prefer the 4.5mm needles (I tried 4, 4.5, 5 and 5.5mm). So here it is now! And this color combo. Yikes I'm in love. The mohair is Novita Tuuli and the wool one is Gjestal Fryd that I've overdyed green from a mid gray. So quite a cooler green, that still leans towards yellow. Together they make music! Which can be fitting, laulu is a word for song in Finnish (apparently, I don't speak it myself).

But can I take a moment and ask if anyone else also have had trouble finding a mohair that's a nice green color? All I see is dark dark dusty, or light light pastels. So boring. Give me color! That's not neon. So I was so happy when I found this shade in Tuuli. I've heard that Tuuli will bleed a lot in the wash, but honestly, I don't really mind if it does in this project, haha!

The Laulu Shawl is rather small, just a shawlette in the pattern. But I have 600 meters of each strand, so I plan to knit it much bigger, as I'm not much for the shawlette style myself.

#knitting #knitblr #shawl knitting #(It just hit me this is the 3rd shawl I'm making in a row...#from not really knitting shawls except for when I have a practical need to this #Oh well. I'm enjoying it anyway

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chemicallywrit · 7 months

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Happy Audio Drama Sunday! What a week! Let's talk about audio drama!

⏰ Nine To Midnight has its own feed now, which I appreciate, as a listener to many of the involved pods, because I didn't get like six iterations of the show in my feed. I did have to go seek it out though, but I'm so glad I did. These stories!!! These STORIES. The second episode in particular stuck out, just banger after banger. Also, what's up David Ault! Always fun to watch David Ault flex.

😈 Dungeons and Daddies this week was on the short side, but woof. I. Love. The Stamplers. I love them. I love you Ron Stampler and Terry Jr. Stampler and Scary Terri Marlowe Stampler. They are ridiculous and excellent. Honestly though, their wonderful energy was just the prelude to the truly heartbreaking Close clan. These boys are so deep in denial they ought to be worried about the bends. Yikes. I'm really looking forward to watching them try to save hell and make up for lost time.

⚡️ Electromancy! Of COURSE it's all happening at the dance. What kind of school story would this be if everything wasn't going to go down at the dance? Like with all fantasy about young people, I love the mixture of extremely high stakes (colonialism and revolution) and extremely low stakes (but what am I going to WEAR). I can't wait for part two. @electromancypodcast

👟 Keep It Steady!!! New episode of Keep It Steady! Our teenage burnout is faced with the mortifying ordeal of having real friends who love him, which is a wild thing for a teen to have to accept when he has zero self esteem. And then on top of everything, he gets concussed! My boy! @keepitsteadypod

⚖️ The Adventure Zone Imbalance has appeared on the feed, which is a relief to me, a person who hates listening to things on youtube. And Davenport is there! My main man! If y'all need to know anything about me, it's that I love Davenport. I missed these guys so much.

🚀 Travelling Light is a new show from @monstrousproductions, and I am THRILLED. I love a travelogue, I love a character with ties to religion, I love a warm scifi show, I love a recipe. I know from their tumblr that the writer and narrator of this show is Quaker, which is a tradition I'm not very familiar with, so I'm interested to see how that perspective influences this story. It's just so NICE.

👻 I started listening to Magenta Presents this week, in an effort to listen to everything Lindsay Sharman has ever done, and this is spooky. Beth Eyre is always a treat to listen to, and Lucy Roslyn, whose work I am not familiar with, is also a fantastic actor. They have great chemistry. I love a true ghost story, and I love a protagonist who feels like she's slowly losing her mind. @longcatmedia

🪓 I've finally arrived at the bit of Woe.Begone where other actors are showing up, and surprise! It's David Ault again! He's everywhere! I haven't interacted with fans of this show, so I had no idea, and apparently fans hate his character. To be fair, I did too, but now David's here doing the voice, and it's so much WORSE. Well done, David.

🍕 I finished s1 of Gastronaut and started s2, and I find myself enamored with this guy, coming from a place of relative privilege, tearing his preconceptions apart with a fork and a knife. The writing is lush, the story is fascinating, and it really hits the spot for me of "moody thoughtful nonfiction." I love it so much. I can't believe there are only two seasons. How dare they. (I trust them though.)

🧛🏻‍♀️ Re: Dracula is done, and we have announced Carmilla! My role in Carmilla will be less than it was for Drac, but I'm still very excited to get in on making this story. It's going to be amazing.

🧟‍♂️ The Dead's second episode has appeared, and I am continually impressed with the people I work with. What a death scene from Marquis Moore! What good acting from Brandon Nguyen! They are a joy to direct.

As for me, I'm about to start getting Inn Between ready to post! Are you hype? I'm hype. If you like what I do and want to give me a hand, please check out my ko-fi!

See you next week!

#audio drama sunday #audio drama #audio fiction #fiction podcast #freaking podcasts

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loquaciousquark · 9 months

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So I stayed up ungodly late last night playing through the Cazador quest/conclusion (?) of the Astarion romance and I have a lot of thoughts!

Overall, I LOVED it. Absolutely loved it. I love how much he has to say about the mansion, I love the design and weirdly oppressive layout of the space, the sinister door, the annoying button/attic puzzle, his relationship with Go...dey? The bone man! When I saw that room was called the kennel I literally said "oh no" out loud.

The one thing I'm mad at myself about is that I didn't understand how to actually get into the stupid palace to start the quest! I couldn't get up that dirt incline right next to the map marker so I thought I had to get into the upper city via Baldur's Gate on the left--that the palace was in the next area altogether--so I've been dithering about with murderers and Lae'zel getting kidnapped (D:! she's safe now though) and hag children and a million other things WHEN I COULD HAVE BEEN KILLING CAZADOR THIS WHOLE TIME. Harrumph.

Anyway, once I actually made it into the darned palace, I didn't have any trouble at all with the fights until I got to Cazador himself. I did think the ritual skull on the pillow was a nice touch, and I loved the confrontation with Sebastian in the cell, just in case the PC has any doubt left about how sane/human these spawn still are. Seven thousand souls! That's so many!! Seven is a lot, but seven thousand, yikes! There was also one room with some levers at the end of the tedious attic puzzle that appeared to have no purpose; I guess it was unfinished from the design stage, as dozens of Reddit threads/forum posts all agree there's no clear puzzle solution or interactable element. Really, the first design misstep I've seen from the game, and even that was pretty minor!

Then came the confrontation with Cazador, and for all I didn't even get touched in the werewolf fight earlier this fight WRECKED me. I didn't understand the mechanic and got everyone sacrificed for the ritual the first time (was focusing on the adds first), and then the second time I checked the journal and it said "Help Astarion" and so I wasted two turns getting to him only to discover they meant "help Astarion by killing Cazador," not "free Astarion with the Help action" because that sure didn't work, so he got sacrificed again! Then the third time I focused Cazador better until he Called Lightning on Shadowheart and Karlach and killed them both, and then I finally scraped it out on the fourth try. A really, really tough fight! If I didn't have the six summoned ghouls from the Thay book I don't know if I could have done it with this party.

The choices available afterwards are FASCINATING. I played through them all again, and I loved that in every version he absolutely butchers that vamp with as much violent stabbing as I've seen in a video game. And that little flip of the knife to the reverse grip! So deft! He's a rogue! It's like there's thought and care behind these animations!! Incredible! The choices where you don't help him are absolutely awful--the enraged venom in "I'd say good luck out there, but honestly, I hope you die screaming"--and the flat "Your companion has permanently left the party" made my stomach clench. The version where you help him ascend is also horrifying; are there many other quests where both companions are like, "this is a HORRIBLE IDEA, don't do this!!"? And afterwards Karlach said something about "all those souls..." and she looked like she was about to cry, which was the second worst thing in the world aside from the time I had to break up with her because I didn't realize we were dating. Everything is red and evil and we get nice close-up views of the spawn in agony and bursting and then Astarion's eyes glow red as sin forever. I did really like the explicit confirmation that the infected can use the parasites to see out of each other's eyes; that's given me a couple fic ideas already!

I will say the scene of him crying & screaming was unspeakably cathartic and I was yelling at the screen to let me hug him. YELLING. Thank God I live alone! Again, the tenor differences between this scene in the "insight/persuade him to be better than Cazador" track vs. the "flatly deny to help him" track were shocking. I can't believe how different the exact same animation set felt between the two versions! Unbearable relief & grief vs. total impotent despair--no wonder he tries to kill you in a few of the bad endings (on top of deciding on his own to snap the staff & trap the spawn forever).

Regardless, once the ritual was disrupted and the spawn were saved and freed and Cazador was a lolling pincushion, I couldn't figure out how to trigger the follow-up scene I KNEW had to be there, even though I'd already done Shadowheart's personal quest & should have known I needed to long-rest, lmao. I wandered around like a dope for several minutes before finally triggering it.

I really, really liked this romance scene a lot. I liked that there isn't even an option to break up at this point; just like ME3, the romance is locked in and you can just play around inside that structure, which I thought was fantastic! I am sad that it opened with what I expected, which is him resigning himself to eventually being trapped in the darkness & never seeing sunlight again, and the fact that the game let you pick "maybe we'll figure something out with the tadpoles" only for Astarion to express doubt does make me worried for long-term outcomes. My favorite options once you get to the graveyard were to just stay back and let him talk, but I'm honestly really delighted that we got this scene of pretty significant emotional closure for him, and I loved the animation of him carving the year into the headstone. It seemed so immersive & real that even though we can't read the text, we know exactly what he did.

The only incredibly, incredibly, INCREDIBLY minor things I didn't adore about this scene are that first, when he tells you he loves you, his head animation is weirdly still/frozen the whole time on that set of lines despite his expression changing, and it honestly broke my immersion a little bit. The ambient movements of the characters have been so realistic for so many dozens of hours that to have this seriously critical and important moment for the character be almost rigid, especially against a completely silent music-less background, made it stick out as an "oh yeah, this is a video game" reminder. Bummer!

The other thing is that it's icky to have sex in a graveyard, lmao. Tavish doesn't really care because it's just dirt under them--he's literally standing in front of her, so as far as she's concerned it's not that different from the forest--but I did grimace a little. Someone give these dingdongs a bed! or at least a roof!

Anyway! A fantastic romance and super strong writing/consistent characterization throughout, and I'm pumped to see where it's going to go next. I'm still so curious about how the tadpole outcomes will affect things and faintly hoping for a deus ex machina to keep him in the sun, though I suppose that's what fic's for. Regardless, full sign-off on an utterly satisfying romance; so many little things dropped throughout were EXACTLY what I wanted--you can even accuse him of sincerity in the graveyard scene, which is precisely the arc I was hoping he'd have! He didn't even like you in the beginning and now we're smooching next to a bunch of dead people. What isn't romantic about that?

10/10 Larian, thanks for making me a mess for another white-haired grump.

#astarion #quark plays bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #lots of thoughts under the cut #tavish gale

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near-dareis-mai · 10 months

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Hi, so I was wondering if you've read twot books or spoilers and can tell me what happens with Siuan and Moiraine in the books? Like, I know they don't end up together and each of them has a man but they were friends so what happened to that? Did it end? How? I tried to look for the spoilers myself but I couldn't find anything specific about them and I know they're barely in the books but I'm really curious about how their relationship ends in canon or if at least they end up on good terms or what and I don't know who can I ask and you seem really nice so maybe you can help me? Or point me in the right direction to where I can find the answer?

Spoilers for the entire Wheel of Time book series

Anon, I’m very surprised you haven’t been able to find anything about these two because I’ve seen many posts about it, especially on tumblr, but I tried my best to summarize everything you asked for. It got a bit long, because we’re talking about a story that spans 15 books, but uh, enjoy. (You will not enjoy this.)

The short version is:

Moiraine and Siuan start their quest for the Dragon Reborn when they are 22/23 years old. They are Accepted (studying to be Aes Sedai) in the White Tower when they both hear the prophecy of the Dragon being Reborn. They become Aes Sedai very soon after this, and kickstart their quest to find the Dragon Reborn by Moiraine riding out of the Tower to physically search for him and Siuan staying in the Tower and learning to be a spymaster so she can do information gathering for the search. At this point in time, there’s no real doubt - unless you’re reading the text with blinders on - that Moiraine and Siuan love each other and are romantically/sexually involved with each other. These bitches gay. -

The main book series starts 20 years after the above happens. By this time, Moiraine has searched all over the Westlands for the Dragon Reborn, before finally finding viable candidates at Emond’s Field. By this time, Siuan is the Amyrlin Seat. At this point, there’s no real hint in the text that they’re still romantically involved. However, the text makes it very clear that they’re each other’s closest friend, they’re still very much devoted to their joint cause, and to each other through the difficulties arising from that cause. -

Strictly in the book series, it’s never really gone into detail what happens to the relationship in the ~20 years when Moiraine is (mostly) out of the Tower searching and Siuan is (mostly) in the Tower spymastering. I think you are led to infer that while they remained devoted to their cause and to how they are tied to each other by their cause, their actual romantic relationship supposedly either ended soon after Moiraine first left the Tower to search or gradually fizzled out. Also of interest here is that it seems to be a belief held in-world by the Aes Sedai and out-world by the author of the books, that these kind of "youthful" relationships between Accepted, while definitely being sexual and affectionate, shouldn't be considered "real relationships" and were merely stepping stones to a "real" relationship when they mature, usually with a man (issa yikes, chief). Even disregarding that, a truly satisfying explanation is never given of just what happened. -

By the end of the main series, Moiraine has been massively depowered due to a term of imprisonment in a magical other-realm where it’s explicitly stated that she went through severe mental torture. After her rescue from said realm, she gets comparatively sidelined by the narrative, and gets married to Thom, a man she has very little on-text interaction with before that. -

By the end of the main book series, Siuan is, uh, dead. But not before she is deposed from the Amyrlin Seat, stilled, then un-stilled but depowered, made an unpaid servant (hey there’s a word for that, isn’t there) to a lord on a technicality over an oath, gets spanked by said lord for misbehaving, falls in love with that lord in a very Stockholm-ish romantic progression, agrees to marry said lord, mentors Egwene as the new Amyrlin Seat, does a bunch of daes dae’mar-ing to ensure Egwene stays in power, and then dies at the last battle in a throwaway death.

The much longer TL;DR version is below the cut:

The Wheel of Time series consists of 14 books in the main series, with each chapter in the book written from varying third-person points of View. Moiraine and Siuan both have some chapters in their point of view through the series, but only four chapters in the entire main book series where they actually interact with each other, all of them in The Great Hunt (Book 2).

(However, Robert Jordan also wrote a Moiraine-centric prequel novel called New Spring, which takes place 20 years before the main book series, which is gloriously gay and gloriously Siuanraine, and I will get to it at the very end of this post, because it deserves its own section.)

Back to the main book series:

The two chapters in which Moiraine and Siuan first interact are Chapter 4 and 5 of The Great Hunt (Book 2). They are from Moiraine's PoV, and the essential gist of them is a) Moiraine is at Fal Dara following the events of The Eye of the World (Book 1) b) Siuan comes to Fal Dara for a state visit as the Amyrlin Seat c) Moiraine is summoned to see Siuan privately and all the other Aes Sedai who came along with Siuan thinks Moiraine is being chastised for her waywardness in the meeting, but in private they actually embrace warmly, and Siuan mentions that Moiraine is the only person with whom she can remember who she used to be when she was younger and not the Amyrlin seat. They also discuss that their conspiracy to find the Dragon together will have both of them stilled if the other Aes Sedai find out. Then they discuss Rand and various other matters of political importance, and then at the end of the second chapter they hug again before Moiraine leaves, and Moiraine thinks of Siuan as “my dearest friend”. Also, it’s mentioned that Moiraine and Siuan feel a tingle when each other channels, which is something only two female channelers very close to each other feel and even then it’s supposed to be temporary, whereas Moiraine and Siuan’s had lasted for over 20 years and counting.

So at this point, while it’s not explicitly stated that these two were gay for each other, at least when younger, just the way they were written already set a lot of gaydars pinging. To set further context, the two chapters described above (which are from the second book in the series) are the first substantial Moiraine PoV chapters we get in the entire series, and Siuan wasn’t even in the first book (though she was mentioned in passing, but only as the Amyrlin Seat, not as Siuan). We got a tiny peek into Moiraine’s PoV at the very end of the first book, but for most of the first book (The Eye of the World) she’s very much shrouded in mystery, a figure of awe and mystique, with even some hints alluding that she might actually be a Darkfriend that might secretly be working against everything she said she was working for. So the two chapters described above from The Great Hunt (Book 2) are the first time we actually get a look into who Moiraine is internally, what drives her, what her foibles and truest feelings are, the very intense feelings that lie behind her emotionless mask, and it’s very interesting to me that Robert Jordan thought that it was necessary for Siuan to be there for these chapters, that she was the person who could wrangle a show of true emotions and sentiment from Moiraine, who is so tied up in not showing any part of herself to the world that can be used against her.

The next (and final) two chapters where they interact are in Chapter 7 and 8 of The Great Hunt (Book 2). A lot happens in these two chapters, including Moiraine and Siuan’s find-the-Dragon-Reborn plot being found out by an Aes Sedai who used to teach them, but crucially to the Siuanraine dynamic is at one point the Aes Sedai deduces “Moiraine could not do this alone, and who better to help than her girlhood friend who used to sneak down with her to snitch sweetcakes.” Again the important things to note here that is already established by Book 2 that a) Moiraine and Siuan were the closest of friends when they were younger and studying at the Tower to be Aes Sedai and b) This closeness is intrinsically tied into why they have taken this quest together, their trust in each other throughout the years despite so many lengths of time apart when mistrust could have fostered between them, and how they can be truly equal with each other despite Siuan’s title as the most powerful woman in the world and despite Moiraine hailing from a powerful and wealthy noble house that once used to rule Cairhien.

After this, Moiraine and Siuan do not meet each other again in the main book series.

Moiraine’s story in the main book series after this: For the next 12 books in the main series, Moiraine PoVs are few and far in between (not enough) and mainly concerned with Rand and with the events of the main plot, until the Fires of Heaven (Book 5). Near the end of Fires of Heaven, Moiraine seems to “die” when tackling Lanfear (a Very Bad Girlboss) into a timey-wimey-wibbly-wobbly magic doorway. At this point, we are given to think Moiraine is dead dead, and we have to wait six books later until The Knife of Dreams (Book 11), where we learn that Moiraine is not dead but is imprisoned in another realm (the realm of the Aelfinn and the Ellfinn) and there’s still a chance (but not a surefire chance) of bringing her back alive). In Towers of Midnight (Book 13), the rescue actually happens, Moiraine comes back. Moiraine has 9 PoV chapters in the entire main series before her "death", and two very small PoV snippets in Book 14 after her rescue, which IMO is woefully small given her importance in the narrative.

A few things to note about Moiraine’s story before her rescue/return from the other realm:

1. When Moiraine seems to “die” near the end of The Fires of Heaven (Book 5), she passes Lan’s bond to an Aes Sedai friend of hers, Myrelle, in a hail-mary gambit to save Lan’s life from the heavily depressive urge a Warder would get after their Aes Sedai dies. Myrelle does questionable things to keep Lan from giving in to this urge, and because of this as well as because of the passing of the bond itself, Moiraine and Lan’s relationship fractures in a way that is never repaired on page even after she is rescued, partly because the narrative in the last three books didn’t seem to think their relationship deserved the page time to even have a talk with each other that could be a step forward in that recovery.

2. Moiraine is aware of her fate before she tackles Lanfear through the magic doorway, because she’d seen (admittedly hazy) visions of multiple versions of the future due to plots reasons that’ll take too long to explain, and therefore knew that she had to tackle Lanfear in the doorway and be presumed dead, for future events to pass in a way that would lead to the Light’s victory.

3. Moiraine jumps into the magic doorway in Book 5, and it’s interesting that her decision to do this comes after Siuan’s deposal and reported “death” in Book 4. She really said death is not getting you out of this relationship mfer. (I’m kidding, bookcloaks.)

4. Moiraine thinks Siuan is likely dead when she jumps into the doorway, as Siuan is reported dead after being deposed from the Amyrlin seat. An interesting part here is Moiraine’s response when Egwene tells her of the news of Siuan’s deposal, stilling and presumed death:

“There is a saying in Cairhien, though I have heard it as far away as Tarabon and Saldaea. ‘Take what you want, and pay for it.’ Siuan and I took the path we wanted, and we knew we would have to pay for it eventually.” (The Fires of Heaven, Chapter 15)

The interesting part is Egwene is bemused by Moiraine’s seemingly callous reply to the demise of her oldest friend. To me, this ties back to a certain scene in New Spring where Lan thinks Moiraine is utterly callous and cold when she doesn’t openly react to the betrayal and death of an Aes Sedai she had once respected/cared for, but once he bonds her as her Warder and gets access to her emotions, he realizes that despite her emotionless facade she’s actually hurting very badly inside. (New Spring, Epilogue Chapter)

A few things to note about Moiraine’s story during and after her rescue/return from the other realm:

1. When Moiraine comes back after the rescue, she has one big moment where she reconciles the Dragon (Rand) and the now-Amyrlin (Egwene) during a major disagreement, and this reconciliation is crucial in bringing all the forces of the Light together into a unified Coalition to fight the dark. But aside from this, Moiraine is unfortunately... benched. It’s like the narrative post-rescue didn’t know what to do with her aside from “Yay, mom’s back!” She’s basically benched to being a cheerleader from the sidelines, which is... a choice.

2. Moiraine comes back from Sindhol (the magical timey-wimey realm of the Finn) significantly lower in power than she used to be. However she has a bracelet angreal that will allow her to channel a lot more, to an extent even greater than she used to be able to at her full power, but it’s still annoying that she had to be depowered like that for no real plot reason, especially when the plot immediately scrambles to point out the angreal as if to say “See! She’s not really depowered!” Just... narratively useless and annoying.

3. Moiraine never gets to reunite in the books with Siuan, the person she started this whole quest off with. Not a single conversation. It seems an odd narrative oversight to not have a bookend scene near the end of the series where the two people who started the quest together have a discussion about how everything panned out twenty years later.

4. Immediately upon rescue from Sindhol, Moiraine professes herself to be in love with Thom and marries him right away. This is regarded by many readers to be the most egregious pair-the-spares relationship out of the whole series. Before this, Thom and Moiraine shared one major scene alone, which consisted of them speaking in subtle daes dae’mar terms about their individual histories (The Shadow Rising, Chapter 17), as well as a couple of blink-and-you’ll miss it interactions here and there. Moiraine does know from a vision by Min that she’ll marry Thom, so there’s the added weight of Moiraine - a woman whose entire life is shaped by prophecy - marrying a man that prophecy said she’d marry. Overall, while the hints are there from early books of a Moiraine-Thom endgame, and the more astute readers definitely picked up on them while reading, narrative hints are not the same as relationship development. There isn’t really any scene of Thom and Moiraine actually enjoying each other’s company, other than an aside comment from Thom that she laughed at his gleeman jokes at one point, and the scene mentioned above of them daes dae’mar-ing around each other in The Shadow Rising, where Moiraine sounds “distinctly amused” when they were verbally sparring (which could be read as her being amused by how far out of his depth he is trying to play the Game of Houses against her, but YMMV.) Juxtaposed against this is Thom’s (justified) wariness against Aes Sedai and his various attempts to undermine Moiraine’s authority with the boys during the early books due to this wariness, which was what personally made me uninvested in their romance, because while his wariness may be justified, his actions don’t exactly bode for a lasting relationship with a woman who is Aes Sedai personified. (Also, when Moiraine marries him, Thom mentions his dislike for Aes Sedai, and Moiraine says that for him she’d throw away the bracelet angreal and give up the Power, which... why is a powerful woman throwing her power away for love always seen as romantic. Why is it almost always a woman who gets a romance arc like this. Why.)

5. Upon rescue from Sindhol, it’s very explicitly said that Moiraine suffered very severe mental torture while in Sindhol, but then the narrative refuses to give her the narrative space to talk about it. In the same scene, the male PoV character muses of her state post-imprisonment and post-mental-torture as “Humbled, cast down. That made her seem stronger to him for some reason.” (Towers of Midnight, Chapter 57) which just... plays into this tediously recurring idea in fiction of suffering being good/necessary and being depowered being a good/necessary thing, but it’s especially glaring here with the gender/power dynamics in play.

Siuan’s story in the main book series:

Siuan’s story arc is too extensive to go fully into so I’ll try to summarize key points:

1. The first couple of Siuan PoV’s we get are mainly ramp-up chapters showing her side of the search for the Dragon Reborn, and of awaiting news from Moiraine on how shepherding Rand is going. It’s noted that Siuan was born a fisherman’s daughter in Tear, and because they fear and revile all channelers in Tear, she was bundled off to Tar Valon on the very day it was discovered she could channel, and she has lingering bitterness from being forced to leave her home this way. It’s noted that she’s quite proud of where she comes from, and keeps her furnishings simple as Amyrlin.

“Oh, they do hate it, child. Hate it, and fear it. When they find a Tairen girl who can channel, they bundle her onto a ship for Tar Valon before the day is done, with hardly time to speak goodbyes to her family.” The Amyrlin’s murmur was bitter with memory. (The Dragon Reborn, Chapter 29)

(Also, she fucking hates horses, which is amusing because Tear is known for its horses. And also amusing because Moiraine loves horses.)

2. Siuan was made Amyrlin at 30 years old, the youngest Amyrlin ever until Egwene comes along in the main book series. At the point when the book series starts, Siuan has been Amyrlin for about 10 years. She has a Warder named Alric. While it's not stated in the books, Robert Jordan (the original author of the book series) stated in his notes that Siuan met and took Alric as Warder when she went traveling for a brief period of time outside the Tower after she was raised to Aes Sedai.

2. Siuan’s story takes a major turn in The Shadow Rising (Book 4), where she’s deposed as Amyrlin Seat in a coup by Elaida, stilled in a sham trial held by Elaida, and left for soon-to-be-dead along with her keeper Leane. Siuan and Leane are rescued by Min. Siuan’s Warder Alric is murdered during the coup trying to defend her. After hearing that all of the Blue Ajah, most of the Green Ajah, and substantial members from all other Ajahs except the Red had fled the Tower in protest of the illegal coup, Siuan resolves that instead of dying (owing to the severe depression that stilling comes with) she’ll find where they’ve fled to instead, which she eventually puzzles out is Salidar, a small village in a country called Altara.

3. Upon being stilled, Siuan’s appearance turns very youthful, making her look like she’s about 18 years old, despite her being ~42 years old. This means she’s unrecognizable. Here’s something she says about her new face:

Moiraine herself wouldn't recognize me with this face. (The Gathering Storm, Chapter 41)

(It says a lot to me that this is from Book 12, seven books after Moiraine has been presumed dead, at a point in time when Siuan and Moiraine’s romantic relationship is supposedly definitely over for decades now, and yet it’s still Moiraine whom Siuan defaults to as the person who she should count on to recognize even when she’s unrecognizable. It’s like even when the narrative doesn’t want to linger on their closeness, it can’t help but have them set each other up as the standard for intimacy/closeness.)

4. While escaping with Leane, Min and Logain, Siuan runs afoul of Lord Gareth Bryne, an Andoran nobleman and general. She ends up giving an oath of servitude to him to escape imprisonment and then running away to find Salidar, with the understanding that she’d complete the term of servitude after she was done with her Dragon Reborn cause. He ends up being infatuated with her (when he’s 60 years old and he thinks she’s 18 years old, mind you), and chasing her all the way to Salidar, where he makes Siuan his unpaid servant as the fulfillment of the oath. There begins a tedious arc where Siuan falls in Stockholm-love with this man, and ends up turning into a teenager personality-wise, literally running away if he so much as looks at her, or alternately throwing tantrums at him, which is a very weird narrative U-Turn compared to the 22-year old Siuan from New Spring - a prequel book set 20 years before the main series - who spoke rather maturely and realistically about relationships, and who Moiraine specifically said was very good at controlling her temper.

5. Siuan’s personality in general takes a very weird narrative U-Turn after Gareth Bryne hunts her down in Salidar. The woman we meet in The Great Hunt, who spoke with elegant pathos about Fal Dara being built for war in the midst of all that beauty, turns into a prudish and immature teenager whenever she comes into proximity with Bryne in the latter half of the books. It's as if the narrative is trying to change her into some imagined ideal of what a love interest for Bryne should be - virginal, prudish, inexperienced - except it's like fitting a square peg into a round hole because Siuan was already established as none of those things. It’s just... very weird, and very jarring because it’s like there’s two Siuans, the normal one who’s mentoring Egwene and taking care of business around Salidar and the teenager who comes out when Bryne is around or being discussed.

6. In Lord of Chaos (Book 6), Nynaeve heals Siuan of the stilling, even though stilling was previously thought to be un-healable. However, Siuan is restored to much lower strength in the Power than she used to be and given that the Aes Sedai work on a strength-based power structure, she’s very low in the totem pole even after being healed from stilling. Also, she’s still Lord Gareth Bryne’s unpaid servant. Also, the narrative makes sure to mention that she had to beg on her knees to be accepted back into the Blue Ajah.

7. Siuan never has a reunion with Moiraine in the books. But Siuan does think this in Book 12:

She didn’t regret her life. Yet, at this moment, passing army tents—holes and broken ruts in the path shaking the cart, making it rattle like dried fishbones in a kettle—she envied Moiraine. How often had Siuan bothered to look out of her window toward the beautiful green landscape, before it all had started going sickly? She and Moiraine had fought so hard to save this world, but they had left themselves without anything to enjoy in it. (The Gathering Storm, Chapter 12)

(Crucial to mention that at this point here, Siuan thinks Moiraine is dead. That is to say, she thinks Moiraine is not in this world. The world in which there is nothing left for Siuan to enjoy. The poison for Kuzco. Kuzco’s poison.)

(Also crucial to mention, it’s after this moment of stock-tacking that Siuan makes the decision to actually pursue an “entanglement” aka a relationship. Again, very amusing how even as the narrative actively avoids having Moiraine and Siuan meet again, it cannot help but hold them up as the standard for each other that needs to be stepped over to move on to something else.)

8. By the end of Book 12, Siuan has accepted to marry Gareth Bryne, and made him her Warder (in a situation where he basically corners her into it in a high-stakes moment where Siuan can't really refuse.)

9. In Book 14, the final book in the series, during the Last Battle, Siuan says how proud she is of Egwene as her legacy, and then dies in a farcically throwaway death by saving Mat from a burning building. If that seems abrupt to you, it is even more abrupt in the narrative.

So, that’s how Moiraine and Siuan’s stories end in canon. Moiraine depowered, married to a man who can’t help but speak of his distaste for Aes Sedai even as he’s marrying one, and estranged from her Warder who she was closest to aside from Siuan for 20 years. Siuan depowered, dethroned, Stockholm-ed into love with a man who spanked her like a child for misbehaving, and then dead in a throwaway scene.

New Spring (NEW MF-ING SPRING)

Robert Jordan wrote a Moiraine-centric (and Lan-centric) prequel novel called New Spring, which is chronologically situated roughly 20 years before the main book series, when Moiraine and Siuan are roughly 22-ish years old and Lan is roughly 26-ish years old. New Spring has 22 chapter chunks from Moiraine’s PoV, 8 chunks from Lan’s PoV, and 1 small chunk of Siuan PoV. New Spring covers Moiraine and Siuan hearing Gitara’s prophecy, being raised to Aes Sedai, starting their search for the Dragon together, Moiraine escaping the Tower to search for the Dragon on the road when the Aes Sedai show plans of putting her on Cairhien’s throne, and meeting Lan on the way, who is returning home from fighting the Aiel War, Moiraine and Lan having misadventures together, and the book culminates with Moiraine and Siuan deciding that Moiraine will continue the search on the road while Siuan will use her newfound position in the Tower as the mentee of the Blue Ajah spymaster to facilitate Moiraine’s search from the Tower. In the final scene of the book, Moiraine seeks out Lan again, reveals to him the truth about her search and the prophecy of the Dragon being Reborn, and asks Lan to become her Warder, which he accepts.

New Spring has its flaws and there are some (non-Siuanraine-related) moments that make my skin crawl, but if you are a fan of the Siuanraine ship or Lan/Moiraine brotp from the show, this is the book you want to read. The main book series has flashes of both these dynamics here and there, but New Spring is where you really delve into just how strong Moiraine’s feelings for Siuan used to be when they were younger, and also into how she meets Lan and decides to make him her Warder.

New Spring is... a jewel, the book of my heart. It’s a delight to see all three of these characters when they were young. It’s interesting to read about Moiraine’s social fauxpas/mishaps and her temper and how she chastises herself for the mishaps even when others don’t even notice, and how you can already see how this tendency is going to develop into the Moiraine we see twenty years later in the book series, who is so closed off that she seems stone-hearted to others, when it fact she’s feeling things very deeply. It’s a delight to see Lan grousing about Tairens and various other soldiers not showing the proper courtesy needed, not following proper form. It’s a delight to see Siuan coming up with various zany ballsy plots ranging from secretly keeping a notebook of potential Dragon Reborn candidate names right under the Aes Sedai’s nose to buying a bunch of mice from a stableboy right after she’s passed her Aes Sedai test, to put into Elaida’s bed, under the reasoning that it wouldn’t be dignified to do this after she’s officially raised Aes Sedai so this is her last chance.

But most of all, New Spring is... super gay. Maybe it’s not explict explicit about it, but it’s impossible to read New Spring and not come out realizing just how terribly in love Moiraine and Siuan used to be, twenty years ago. The entire book is like a Siuanraine fanfic. If you read no other book in the series, if you’re a Siuanraine fan, anon, please read this book.

(In a book-only sense, it’s also utterly heartbreaking to read New Spring, because you get the sense that this is what Moiraine and Siuan truly gave up: the closeness they had to each other. That, even though they didn’t want to, in the twenty years to come they’d both turn to other people for affection, and get closer to other people, and that this change would creep up on them so slowly over twenty years that it’d have happened before they even noticed that it had happened, or had space to mourn it.)

In New Spring, you learn that Moiraine and Siuan arrived at the Tower on the same day, and that they’re within a year of age, with Siuan being slightly younger. They were entered into the Novice enrolment book on the same day. They graduated from Novice to Accepted on the same day, in three years time, which was the fastest anyone had done it (a record shared by Elaida who came a few years before them) until Nynaeve/Egwene/Elayne all break it twenty years later. They were also raised from Accepted to full Aes Sedai on the same day, in three years time, which was again a record matched only by Elaida and broken by Nynaeve/Egwene/Elayne twenty years later. Siuan and Moiraine remained in lockstep in their strength in the Power as well, and were in their prime two of the most powerful Aes Sedai in the White Tower, matched by very few others until the events of the main book series.

I can quote so many passages from New Spring to show how gay it is, but I’ll restrain myself to four:

She had never been as close to anyone as she was to Siuan. Or loved anyone as much. - New Spring, Chapter 6, Moiraine PoV

The sight of Moiraine always made her smile. Cetalia had been wrong in one particular. She was not a pretty little porcelain doll; she was a beautiful little porcelain doll. - New Spring, Chapter 12, Siuan PoV

Siuan could have kissed her. In fact, she did. - New Spring, Chapter 12, Siuan PoV

“Novice and Accepted, she was sent to my study more often than any three other girls. Except for her pillow-friend Siuan. Of course, pillow-friends frequently get into tangles together, but with those two, one was never sent to me without the other. The last time the very night after passing for the shawl.” Moiraine kept her face smooth, kept her hands from knotting into fists, but she could do nothing about burning cheeks (...) And spreading out all these intimacies! (...) How close she and Siuan had been was no one’s business but theirs. - New Spring, Chapter 17, Moiraine PoV

(The last one especially is important because they’re specifically mentioned as being pillow-friends and pillow-friends was confirmed both in text and out-of-text-by-the-author as being a term used for a sexual relationship, so at that point this goes from simply “Is anyone else getting a gay vibe...” to “This is 100% canon.”)

Anyways, a lot obviously happened in the 20 years between New Spring and the main book series, but I thought it’d be nice to end on a high note.

I hope that answered your question, anon!

#wot book spoilers #wot books spoilers #wot spoilers #wheel of time book spoilers #moiraine damodred #siuan sanche #moiraine x siuan #siuanraine #the wheel of time

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