I recognize I am being toxic, and using terrible communication style. But I can’t stop. I know that he needs to walk away when he’s angry, but I hate sitting with my anger alone. So I continue to say unhelpful things until he’s just as upset as I am and can’t walk away from it.
I can’t stop. Or maybe I can. And I should. And I know this is something I’ve done since I was a teenager, to my parents , ex partners, siblings. This is the kinda shit I need to go back to therapy to work through.
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Birthday in ten days.
Be ready to set them nudes out in my inbox 👀🎂
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My birthday is on Sunday and I’m no longer excited for it. It’s kinda hard to be excited about anything right now but I’m trying.
I really am trying.
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early 20s bakugou and early 20s you meeting the both of you in a decade’s time… you both aren’t particularly close in the present - you orbit around the same friendship groups and katsuki isn’t exactly opening his arms to a warm hug, receptive to your qualms. he has little time for his friends and even less time for new people in his life.
barely eat, sleep, work, repeat. that’s how it is for him after the war and it’s weird knowing him during this stage. he’s still the some snarly, full of bite and venom bakugou from school but sometimes, you can see the lack of sparkle in his eyes when he speaks: when he’s out on patrol with you and he no longer has the energy to snap back at naysayers and snotty nosed kids. he does his job and then he clocks out. simple as that. relationships? dating? they’re not even in his vocabulary.
so it’s easy to imagine the shock in his - both of your faces when he sees 32-33 year old bakugou on the television and the way he is a decade later is antithetical to how he is now. his old personality still shines through (it’s still HIM) but he smiles genuinely when he meets fans now, and the sparkle in his eyes is there all over again - the cheeky sparkle, the one that made you fall for him.
it’s hard to imagine a life in which you’re married to him (self proclaimed mrs bakugou in an architectural digest interview, showing the cameramen around your house while sporting a third trimester bump and gushing over your state of the art kitchen with a fancy le creuset set and an aga that katsuki and friends built for you with their bare hands as a birthday gift) though, it’s probably because the bakugou you know doesn’t even know the bakugou in this timeline. he doesn’t know the bakugou that would joke all carefree and then openly kiss your forehead in the middle of the street.
he doesn’t tell you he wants to know this bakugou.
you guys eventually get back to your timeline, in the present, the one that in which bakugou sneers and he barely eats and doesn’t even know what day of the week it is. it’s only a few, long months later when it’s your birthday and he buys you a gift card for le creuset. he says it’s because you seem to like shitty things like kitchen sets and pots and pans and it doesn’t make sense to him because “they’re all the same shit at the end of the day.”
you laugh a watery laugh that day, tears unshed at his words, though you’re not offended - far from it. you think you can come to love bakugou and you’re excited for when that time will come, no matter how long it may take.
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Dec 2023 in Puerto Vallarta.
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day 32
my other favorite anime is mob psycho. have you sensed a theme yet dear reader?
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Navy Seals train for about 2 1/2 years. Clone troopers train their whole lives, and say if they start physical training at 7/14 that’s 3 years.
What I’m saying is we should take the competence of any trooper and multiply it by at least five.
Even the most standard trooper is equal to any elite operative. I’m talking about Captain America and Winter Soldier rolled into one. They’re so accurate it’s terrifying. They can sprint like it’s the Olympics and barely be winded. They can and do tear droids apart with their bare hands. For fun.
ARC troopers? One man army, able to keep up with the Jedi. The Padawans all check and double check if they have the Force because they can’t even do that. When all is lost send in an ARC and they will win 1000:1 odds. The originals have to be kept in storage because the Kaminoans look at them and remember what fear feels like. They can take any weapon and find a way to level a city with it. The only limit an ARC has is numbers.
And Marshall Commanders. Legends. Death. Fox’s armor is red with blood mixed with the sand of the Geonosis and painted with a promise of vengeance. Cody’s armor is the rising sun of his victory, glorious and inevitable. If Neyo knows someones name, he also knows what they’re going to eat tommorow. They say Bacara simply can’t be killed.
Anyways. Just. Any and all the clone troopers pushing every limit.
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