he's lying to himself he's very much also a dumb virgin

Ok, look. Somebody help me out here. I want to understand what's going on with people like this. There are a thousand greentexts like this, and the one I linked probably isn't even the best example (just the one that I saw most recently). And honestly half of these are probably fake. But I want to understand what is going on in the heads of these people.

So the general format for these greentexts is as follows:

anon is a straight guy, socially awkward, a virgin, and a loner

anon wants a gf, and talks about this desire in such a way that I am lead to believe it's not merely a feeling of social obligation or a desire for sex, but a genuine longing to love and be loved

anon doesn't have a gf because he is socially awkward and can't talk to girls

sadface.jpeg

anon meets girl who he likes

girl likes him back

anon and girl spend time together and become closer, perhaps one even asks the other out and it goes well

anon discovers something very innocuous about the girl related to sexuality, i.e. that she's been with other guys before, that she has an ex-boyfriend, that she has sex in general, etc.

anon flies into what appears to be a mixture of rage and desperate sadness, either does something nasty to the girl in retribution or (more often) just ghosts her, this is the end of anon's tale

And, ok, look, what I don't really get about these stories is what is going on psychologically for anon here. Like, probably a lot of people are gonna say "misogyny", and yeah—obviously. But that's not really a full explanation. Like this behavior is so incongruous to me, it's so nonsensical, that I have trouble parsing it. If anon is really that desperate for companionship, and he likes this girl, and she likes him, and things are going well... why in the world would he throw it all away over... the fact that she has sex? Which almost everyone does? It's like, insane. Even setting aside the misogyny, it's ridiculously self-sabotaging.

And, look, I was a socially awkward loner growing up, for a lot longer than many of these anons, based on the ages they claim to be. I know what it feels like to be insecure, to be less experienced than those around you and feel really self-conscious about it. But this kind of violent rejection of someone over a total non-slight is a totally unintuitive response to that set of emotions, from my perspective. No matter how many times I read these I just don't get where anon is coming from, no matter much misogynistic baggage around women's sexuality they may be carrying.

And this bothers me because I really like to empathize with people, I really like to understand where people are coming from. But here I just don't, I don't get it. Can someone help me get this?

hi guys i had the scariest interaction of my life yesterday idk how else to put it but in greentext format >through weird series of events (long story) meet guy from my hometown whos also studying abroad in the same city as me >only know each other through irl connections, only message each other on LINE >my icon on LINE is an inkling >guy notices icon >brings up that he has never played splatoon but is very interested in getting the game >unprompted "is the lore as deep as i hear it is" >try to act normal >haha splatoon lore is wild >next day >meet irl for the first time, get lunch together >start talking about story mode since he saw spoilers/a play thru online >tell him that i thought that the thing with mr grizz being a bear was too predictable and that i thought there was a lot of holes in the plot, but i like picking apart what i love and that there was other stuff i liked >"your opinions remind me of this one youtuber i saw who didnt want mr. grizz to be a bear" >heart attack >shows video thumbnail >its my mr grizz theory video >"do you know this video?" >um yeah haha ive seen it >wonder if hes trolling and if he figured out i made it because of my voice or something >i say something like 'do you think i know the person who made it or' >"what?" >nvm >goes on to say he only watched the part about mr grizz being a bear >haha! >heart attack >HE REALLY DOESNT KNOW >I DONT TELL HIM

im still not going to say anything and see if he figures it out eventually because it will be. funny

Tsukihime 2000 Akiha Route Spoilers/Rant

Okay so like, in Tsukihime 2000, Nasu had some pretty good "it's not actually incest" copes lined up. Most obviously, Shiki and Akiha aren't actually blood related, but there's also the fact they haven't even seen each other in like what, 7 years? And it's like yeah whatever, sure.

And then in Akiha's route Shiki finds out they're not blood-related and then like not even a day later he's like "I love you as a sister, but I also love you as a woman" with no internal conflict or acknowledgement of the years he spent thinking they were related. You think maybe we'd get a bit of that?

And there's also SHIKI's attraction to Akiha too. I feel like maybe the story could've played with the mindfuck aspect of that too. Like, you know how in Hisui's route Shiki gets visions of SHIKI raping Kohaku and starts doubting himself over it? Maybe get some dream sequences where SHIKI is possessive of Akiha in there and have Shiki doubt himself over that too. Maybe when he learns of the whole SHIKI mindmeld thing, he can also question whether his attraction to Akiha is really his or just SHIKI's.

Now that you've finished reading my rant about how Nasu could've written the little sister route of his eroge better, take this greentext I wrote shortly after reading said route.

what’s an unexplained event/conspiracy theory/urban legend you can’t shake the feeling that there might be something to it? one you can’t believe anyone gives any time to at all? a notorious “haunted” location you’d like to check out? any you’d be willing to spend the night in? what’s the first famous murder or disappearance you remember hearing about and how old were you? what’s the creepiest/most malevolent instrumentals-only piece of music you can think of? what’s a horror movie from the last decade you think is overrated? what’s a trope or concept in horror you think is really effective and is underutilized (books movies tv, any or all)?

SOPHIE I COULD KISS YOU ON THE FACE OKAY SO

i'm replying to each question like i'm greentexting because idk it's funnier

>Most hauntings i can't believe anyone gives any time to at all, i'm naturally a Scully so it takes a lot to convince me and it's usually so obviously fraud. Anything investigated by Ed and Lorraine Warren i especially hate >It depends what you mean by "something to it" like the death of Cecil Lam, suaimhneas siorai di, i fully believe she was fucking murdered and the cops fucked the investigation and i'm still angry about it, but i don't believe anything supernatural was involved. The Valentich Disappearance had me going for a while, but i guess it turns out he probably faked it and was an avid UFO enthusiast soooo shrug emoji >I would love to go on a ghost tour of New Orleans. There's no one specific location that i'm like YES GIVE IT TO ME but i'd love to go to New Orleans for haunting type shit >I will spend the night in any haunted location i'm allowed to that wouldn't be insanely disrespectful i'd love that honestly >First disappearance i ever remember hearing about i was 7 and it was The Blair Witch Project so like lmaaoooo but noI think the first real urban legend/murder/anything i remember hearing about was The Bunnyman Bridge, since i actually live right nearby it so that shit was SCAAARYYY. Basically some guy who may or may not have been in a bunny mask or costume and may or may not have been a crackhead ran up on a couple random people and screamed at them for trespassing and menaced them with a hatchet. And of course that turned into a story about an escaped mental patient who killed people with an axe and hung up mutilated rabbit corpses in the woods and shit. I must have been...what, 7 or 8? Maybe younger? I can't remember. The first real crime i REALLY remember was the D.C. Sniper when i was 9 cause again, right near me. That shit TERRIFIED me as a kid i didn't wanna walk home from the bus stop cause i thought i was gonna get shot lmao >Most malevolent instrumental i can think of jeez that's a hard one i know the Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs soundtrack there are a lot of songs on that that are....there are some songs that are kind of beautiful, some that are tragic, but there's a lot in that game's soundtrack that's creepy as fuck >Horror movie i think is overrated...A Quiet Place. I mean don't get me wrong, i liked it, but it wasn't...y'know AMAZING. Left a lot to be desired. Also Bone Tomahawk which is more of a cult thing but like everyone who's heard of it loooooves it and i'm like okay it's really just that one scene though. One-scene wonder of a movie. Also racist. >PEOPLE DON'T USE ELDRITCH ABOMINATIONS ENOUGH or they don't use them right. Also i love the concept of never showing exactly what the monster is. It's often done poorly, which i think is what turns people off, but like At the Mountains of Madness, when the whole story just in the background there are these carvings of SOMETHING bad behind the mountains but the ancient aliens refuse to talk about it yeah it's a weird story and not much attention is drawn to it, and then at the very end the guy is in the plane and looks back and sees....................something and immediately goes stark raving screaming mad like that shit is haunting. Oh, there aren't enough movies like Underwater. I want sea monsters god fucking damn it.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

Top 10 greentexts

These come mostly from my memory of tumblr from 10 years ago, so if you've read other things since then that might have been more interesting, but.... :

"I just got called 'gay' by an elf I was arguing with, I've never felt so offended."

"I don't understand why so many people are scared to have an opinion on things they don't know anything about. For instance, in school you'd get homework asking you to name one good thing the government does, say, and one bad thing, and to describe in detail what either of those things is and why they're bad, and you did that, and they wouldn't teach you anything about what the thing does or how it affects you, or how the government works.

"I think maybe there's a big picture to be painted here, a big picture of a lot of people coming together to sing karaoke together, and then there's you, an ugly little gay person, who nobody likes, and I think that big picture is a good thing and a bad thing at the same time."

"What the fuck does a cat even want?"

"I used to think about death so often. Now I don't."

"I love my girlfriend so fucking much I need to lay down right now, her skin is so fucking soft I'm going to die, what the fuck, I'll take any other kind of death but not this one, she's my best friend and my girlfriend and my girlfriend, I could write sonnets for all of that, I love my girlfriend so goddamn much, I would lay down and die right now, I would die right now, I would die right now without even a second thought, I would die without even a second thought and do not want to live one day in the future where she doesn't love me so fucking much and I want to die today because I could not in a thousand years imagine living one day without her loving me so fucking much, I love my girlfriend so much, I need to lay down right now, her skin is so soft, I'd die right now, I'd lay down and fucking die right now, die, die, die, die, die."

"i'm sorry. for what. for everything. i could never change. i'm sorry. sorry."

"That's it, that's the fucking show"

"He got his shit together, and I got my shit together. But neither one of us had her shit together at all. We were the same."

"Every day my hair gets wet and it's a shame, you know? But what can I do, can I help it?"

"You're a fucking idiot. That's a very easy answer to give, don't know why you're asking."

"Yeah there's a lot of water underneath it but it'd be nice if the earth just kept going down."

Run-on Review Anthology: Algernon Blackwood

Wake up besties, new fave early 20th century horror/weird fiction short story writer just dropped~

~Algernon Blackwood~

Fig. 1) This guy right here

As someone who was introduced to the genre via HP Lovecraft, here are several reasons why the work of our boy Algernon could be considered better than his contemporary and/or worth your time to read:

-Runs the literary gamut between truly horrifying and joyfully awe-inspiring. Scary not your thing? Al's got you covered!

-Writes in many different formats: short stories, longer novels, even plays! Entertainment for every occasion! (In this post I'll be focusing on short stories because that's my favorite format, but I'll be reading some of his novels in the future!)

-No commitment that I've seen to far to an internally consistent world (a la the Lovecraft Cinematic Universe), allowing him to explore many different themes, settings, and source material

-Absolutely gorgeous and immersive descriptions of place and vibe

-Actually usually describes things very well, instead of leaning on the cosmic horror trope of "oH nooOo it'S TOOo indescrIBAble"

-As far as I can tell so far, is not particularly racist or xenophobic for the time, especially when compared to HP "Hyper-pRacist" Lovecraft

(sidebar; I don't think it's correct to write off the works of long-dead authors due to things that are considered problematic today; however, it's hard to get around that some things are just plain uncomfortable to read with modern eyes. I think that providing context and disclaimers is important, but given that these people are too dead to profit from their work, I don't generally feel bad discussing, recommending, or purchasing their writing)

---

Run On Reviews of Algernon Blackwood Short Stories

The Touch of Pan (originally read in The Moons At Your Door, pdf version linked here): Really really love this one, first one I read by him in a multi-author anthology, it's a comfort read that I keep coming back to, definitely on the joyful/awe end of the spectrum, does refer to idiocy/lunacy but in a way that vibes with me personally neurodivergently and spins it as a neutral-positive thing misunderstood by society at large, lovely lovely lovely, 10/10

The Empty House (originally read in The Algernon Blackwood Collection, it's the first story in the linked pdf): Very solid and intimate ghost story, told through the emotional state of the characters as much as the actually environment and goings-on, spooky but not extremely scary, 7/10

The Damned (originally read in the ABC, pdf link): Excellent haunted house/something's real weird around here story, ever so gradually increases the tension and unsettling feel of the place in inventive modes of discovery, the ending peters out a bit for me but all in all a good read, 8.5/10

The Willows (og ABC, linked): Holy shit yeah this is what I'm fucking TALKING ABOUT this is atmospheric horror done so so right, moody and isolating and creepy and scary, this is the one with the gay subtext you may have heard about, there's a good reason this one is included in so many anthologies, if you can only read one read this one, 10/10

The Wendigo (og ABC, linked): Closest to a "classic" wilderness monster story I'm reviewing here, it's the longest read but well worth it, you can see where it's going pretty early on but it somehow still gets creepier and weirder and worse and oh god kill it, you'll either love it or hate it if you've binged creepypastas and greentext horror stories like I have, this one does have some problematic racial language (reference to an "N-word bar" in describing a black bar, referring to the native american character as "red" and in some "noble savage"-esque ways), as well as colonial-ish "ahaha we're men going on an adventure to unspoiled land pip pip cheerio," but if you can stomach that it's a truly unnerving story that will make you never want to camping ever again in your life, 9/10

Ancient Sorceries (originally read in the Ancient Sorceries anthology, pdf linked): I so badly wanted to like this one more, the setting is absolutely magical and the buildup is excellent, but it kind of runs out of steam for me with the reveal (which isn't super fair bc this story predates all the works that make the reveal a tired trope in my mind), still would recommend a gander, 10/10 up until part IV, 6/10 after, overall 8/10

The Listener (og AS, linked here): If there's one to skip in this whole list it'd be this one, another ghost story but not as good as others mentioned here, I think I may be missing historical context that would add weight to the horror (I wont spoil, but if you read it and know more about the subject of the reveal, please enlighten me), still a nice little mystery with some interesting characters and a creepy ghost, 5/10

The Sea Fit (og AS, linked here): Finishing out somewhat strong, extremely compact yet very dense, no wasted words, but paints extremely clear characters, setting, and events, somebody please make this a short film I will throw money at the kickstarter, spooky and unsettling but slightly more on the awe-inspiring end of the spectrum, 9/10

I posted 16,171 times in 2022

239 posts created (1%)

15,932 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@joey-wheeler-official

@yimra

@casioa168w

@whatthehellisgoingon9374

I tagged 1,163 of my posts in 2022

#for later - 54 posts

#superman - 6 posts

#he cant keep getting away with it - 3 posts

#based - 3 posts

#based? - 3 posts

#literally me - 2 posts

#of all goes well ill have a masters and a big starting jon - 2 posts

#if it doesn't - 2 posts

#well it will go well so i suppose its not worth worrying about - 2 posts

#one stiff breeze to the left or a bad landing on their neck and they never walk again - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#becoming intimately acquainted with the ins and outs of the product schedule to maximize the impact my absence will have on the project so i

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i think the fundamental thing modern superman writers get wrong about him is that superman is funny. yeah, all his friends don't recognize him when he puts glasses on. that's hilarious. you're supposed to laugh at that. you're supposed to laugh at lois lane bullying clark only for her to get bullied by superman. You're supposed to laugh at how over the top all his villains are. You're supposed to laugh at him dating a mermaid and turning into an ant and fighting a guy whos a cowboy but evil. This is a man who was born in a small town called smallville and who lives and works in a city called metropolis. his first best and highest calling as a character is to entertain kids, and kids love to laugh. he is not meant to be taken even 1/1000th as seriously as his worst critics or most die hard fans insist on taking him.

20 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

#4

there's gotta be a non-zero number of military fart sniffers who googled shit like "marine reacts" hoping for veteran videos only to get an anime girl screaming about sex

27 notes - Posted July 5, 2022

#3

I don't care how fancy the AI is or how well it passes the turing test, finish the greentext will NEVERbeat our pure, wholeosme, homegrown frogposting bot!

38 notes - Posted June 17, 2022

#2

actually, I comprehend the horrors just fine.

39 notes - Posted July 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

my favorite "meant to make them look good but actually makes them look bad" trope from copaganda shows is "these people from another agency with vastly superior resources, training, and experience for dealing with this exact type of case, not to mention the actual legal jurisdiction, are trying to solve the case. We have to prevent this at all costs."

130 notes - Posted March 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

I feel like that goddamn greentext. "Is this really all life is? I work and do mindless hobbies until i die?" Like yeah fuck I guess this is my life. I will never fall in true reciprocal love. I will never find that true romance. I will never have fun spontaneous adventures with friends. That window has passed. I'm just here for other people's stupid consciences until I die unremarkable in like 50 years. Maybe 40 if im lucky.

i realized something.

something profound.

you know how sometimes couples’ relationships will end because of various reasons? to get a good look at what i’m talking about, here’s this rage comic(yes, those are dated, but for today’s purposes, we will pretend they are relevant).

there’s also the shiny pidgey greentext, in which a girlfriend was going through a rough time while a dude found a shiny pidgey, and he was like “yeah, but look, i got a shiny pidgey!”, and the GF smashed his GBA. and that roughly covers it.

now, these are just two examples of how relationships can go down dark paths. but i’m here to say that i finally figured out how couples’ relationships break up so easily!

it’s not because they’re conceived out of pure love. it’s because they’re conceived out of pleasure-love.

we live in a society where the concept of love has been degraded from being something beautiful to just another avenue for sexual gratification. many people don’t conceive relationships out of things like personality(internal beauty) or shared beliefs- they would much rather conceive them out of things like more carnal things, like looks.

so if you shouldn’t have a girlfriend for pleasure, what should you have them for? that’s a tough one, but if i had to guess, it would probably be a healthy combination of looks, an actually good and wholesome personality, and shared beliefs. most of all, you need to be loving the right way- there is a difference between agape and eros.

the funny part is that i actually prayed to god that i would find a girlfriend(it was the first time i prayed for it while going through my prayer list), and he seems to have shared this nugget of wisdom with me. i now see that i was mainly desiring for a girlfriend for pleasure purposes(namely having a simple love interest, that, although not as blatant as wanting to straight-up copulate with her, is still pretty selfish).

yes, i will still be making MG’s- as said before, it’s not wrong to make attractive characters(although this is a huge responsibility to bear- doing it too much can mess with your desires). i will just be examining my desires to have a GF more closely, that’s all.

I love this blog and appreciate the work you do 😊 but, as someone who only uses tumblr mobile, it kills me that all of your greentext screenshots are from pc. I have to awkwardly zoom in and scroll to read every line. I hate to whine, but is there any chance you could take the screenshots on mobile instead, so they're easier to read? As I said before, love the spooks, great work archiving them

Hi, firstly thanks and secondly yeah I understand.

The vast mayority of the screencaps that I post on here were not actually taken by me. I started capping stories in october 2018, so everything before that was taken by other folks. I usually find these images posted on the greentext/spooky story threads or from shared google drive folders. For longer images I edit them down into parts so they fit the screen well and try to make them less awkward to read. But sadly theres not much I can do for the wider posts.

I tend to use my computer for screencaping stories because its convinient for editing and also because most of the good stories I find on 4chan are pretty long, and on phone it would take like 20+ screenshots to capture completely. I do take screenshots of short greentext stories while on mobile, but they mostly tend to be boring “nothing happens” stories that are not worth posting on here. Nothing good ever appears whenever I lurk on my phone. I will try my best to search for good screenshot images soon enough.

ms. my chemical raymance i think ur < sign is backwards on the last post u made?

Uh yeah I guess ! This is so funny. I dont use it to be like a greater than sign I use it like an arrow or like >greentext which some people think makes me like alt right or something but I'm mostly joking abt it. Anyway I love tumblr. Makes a post INSTANTLY gets an anon that says yr arrow is backwards :) genuinely this is funny. Xoxo

back then he was way into the whole STRONG MANLY MAN bullshit, just all this talk about being a leader and using suffering and hatred and knowing how to keep THE FEMALES in their place, and i tried to suck up to him and agree with what he was saying but i had no fucking idea about anything politics related and still don’t (i think i subconsciously refuse to) but i failed at it, it always felt very flat and pathetic and most of the time i felt threatened and confused by the things he kept saying. he just wanted me to fall for it cause it made him look good i guess. so failing that, my other available route should have been to rebel, right? except i was too dumb to do that and everyone on this site have always fucking bitches so that was off the table. i don’t have enough confidence/self-tricking skills to adopt political beliefs and sincerely think they mean a goddamn thing. nowadays i just don’t know anymore. he gave me some real suspect talk about “kindness” and “love” back then, citing “anger” (the thing he used to suck the dick of) as a base teenager thing that helped no one. oh no i’ve GROWN beyond those immature things! the fucking nerve. at that moment he could have started sending me pastel gifs and bullshit about recovery or positivity and i wouldn’t have batted an eye. but it was only for that moment. he still maintained that absolutely grotesque “anime MAGA hat wrecking sjws greentext on twitter” kind of vibe basically until now. and i’m stuck here in yet another autocannibalistic hellhole of insane hyperspeed subculture brain hemorrhage and child grooming, i mean is the internet used for ANYTHING else at this point? i guess if i was determined to not be like him i could have really changed myself up but then i’d think about all the times HE must have thought “i won’t be like them” and it just made the whole thing immediately meaningless, i’m just doing something that makes sense to him, i’m just playing into his narrative, oh wait that’s literally the only thing you can possibly do when conversing with other people oops. anyway yeah he’s missing now so i guess i’ll just kill myself

⚠️TW// SLIGHT GORE⚠️

I will ✨4Chan greentext✨ my situation

You ever just wake up at 1:43am to make frozen burgers and just… stab a hole in your hand?

Cuz that’s what I just did

This is kinda interesting tbh

It’s bleeding a lot less than I thought something like this would’ve

If I stretch my hand out completely the insides literally start gushing out

It’s not a lot though just like a crumb of human comes out

It’s super slimy

I can literally feel the muscle moving around the hole if the makes sense

Dunno if it’s adrenaline but this REALLY doesn’t hurt. Like at all.

I just noticed I can literally see inside my hand, why is it so hollow?

How do hands work?

IF I FLEX MY HAND OUT AND HOLD MY HAND UP TO THE LIGHT I CAN LITERALLY SEE T H R O U G H MY HAND THIS IS SO

Bad. This is bad. I am in a bad situation right now and should n o t be very fascinated and curious about this right now.

But I am anyway so

It is a very very very tiny cut so we’re just putting a small wound closure bandaid on it and hoping for the best lol ✌️

Oh we actually might’ve run out?

You know those squishy stress ball things that when you squeeze one it kinda like blows up with air and balloons out in random places?

Yeah, flexing my hand FEELS the way it LOOKS

Looks exactly like that too actually

Oh I have a bandaid on now yayy

It’s not doing much but yayyy

The thing I’m worried about most is this ointment actually getting inside my hand and just chilling on top of the muscle in the hole

If it hasn’t already done that it is

Adrenaline is gone by now, I really feel like I should’ve been in more pain

Might go to the hospital if I can

I’ll have a cool scar neat

My fingers keep twitching sometimes, nerves feel weird

Welp problem is solved and my dad doesn’t care anymore so yay

(that was a joke, he just went to the bathroom)

Aw my cat’s here, nice to know she cares sometimes I love her

Oh, she just wanted food :(

Didn’t even get to eat my burger :((

Wonder what I’ll think when I see this in the future

Hey future stupid me, it’s past stupid you

can you pls give a summary of the hunstville camping trip story bc i am going somewhere named huntsville this summer and i am......,,, nervous.....you know that picture of the dog with the yellow "nervous" vest on?? yeah me

I’ll pull out my best creepypasta summarising greentext specially for this ask

>go camping>go into the woods because dying is fun right>strange smell>mike goes to piss and returns a few seconds later covered in piss>classic mike>oh shit he looks terrified>screams at everyone to follow him>they do, because they like being dead>follow him through the woods>they’re hearing screaming and crying in the distance now>they go towards it because they really love being dead>find a cabin that looks abandoned>mike knocks on the door like the mad lad he is>the screaming/crying stops>probably not a good thing>they walk around the cabin and see a window>alex says “hey give me a boost so I can see” because he’s most definitely white>they do>he looks in>pause>starts screaming and falls back from the window>more shit goes down but i don’t want to tell the whole story>basically if you don’t like dying & being dead you’ll be fine in huntsville>and if you see a creepy cabin don’t go near it

5/7/17, 1:53am - and now taking time from my busy day to bring you the Tyler Blog

wow, it’s been a hot minute.

Whelp there’s a lot to write about and not a lot of memory in my life, so I’m just gonna give it a whirl and see how it goes.

First off, today I came one step closer to finally finding out where Sonic accurately ranks on my fast food tier list. I’ve eaten at sonic like maybe three times in my life tops, and two of them were today and last week. Last week got a burger and fries, today I got a chicken sandwich and onion rings. Now, I must say that to accurately rank Sonic I have yet to try their hot dogs, maybe even a fourth entree or something, but I can say with full confidence that Sonic is D tier fast food, C tier at best. Holy shit, man. Everything tastes like it’s been on the grill a little too long, gets that kinda burnt taste onto it. Which is charming in Cookout because it’s coupled with actually flavorful food and like higher quality burger patties and fluffy buns, but here it just kinda falls flat. Something about the bun, man. I love how they actually put some effort into putting it onto the grill, but the potato-bread consistency is gross and mushy and makes everything in the sandwich feel like mush to me. I think the real issue is the condiments might be too big relative to the meat? Or maybe it’s just bad. Eating this chicken sandwich today all I could think was “this is the wendy’s chicken sandwich if it were hungover as fuck.” Fries were alright, they’re like the dream fries you hope for during lunch in high school. The onion rings are Actually delicious, super sweet and crispy, pair well with the honey mustard, but almost too sweet to eat a whole bag of. I’m sure the tots are solid and I just feel spoiled by costco hot dogs how is shit so expensive everywhere else.

Alright I’m done with that shit lmao. So like...shit where do I even start? the past? The present? I was talking to jimmy about conceptualizing the dimensions and that neat little youtube video, and said something stupid like the past and future is all a constant, nothing matters. We were talking about the big bang and recursive progression into the destruction of the world until it collapsed and started over again. Who knows, man. Maybe nothingness is cool. 

Anyway let’s do a little personal assessment. I was doing excellent on my diet until like the last time I posted, then starting to live in gboro and wanting to try out places to eat there transitioned into going to visit the fam in VA to see my little brother’s performance and Darlin fed me way too much while I was there so I’m like off the wagon sort of lol. I was up to like 146 the other day, 143 when I checked like yesterday lemme run and weigh myself rq. Ate a bunch of pizza at work yesterday and fast food today, but I’m only at 145.0 in my work clothes. So that means I’m at like 143 with food weight, which means if I really really want to push it I could get back into a fast and trim off a a pound or two before lake week in 11 days. Sounds like a whole lotta effort and I’m not really feeling that much these days though. Looking super great, that’s what’s really important lol. Idk I kinda like fasting or at least dieting a little bit before I go somewhere I know I’m gonna be taking pics like mom’s or this because I always feel like I stuff myself and then I’ll take pictures like the one of me at thanksgiving that I’m embarassed by because of my tummy.

Whatever whatever, I’m looking great though, the point is I’m not really concerned as much anymore. Possibly a reflection of the change of scenery, maybe because I hit my goal and am satisfied, maybe it’s because I’m hopping on tinder again and a solid handful of girls are blowing me up, who knows. But that’s that.

Other part of the status update, yesterday... well. day before yesterday? Yeah I guess. Cinco de mayo was my randomly self declared last pack of cigarettes. See what had happened was I realized I wasn’t all that stressed out anymore about the moving thing now that things have been going so well, and my boss calls me in to stay late after work and have a meeting with him. He says I fucked up and didn’t respond to my patient quickly enough and was smelling like smoke and said that I could get fired and yadda yadda yadda irresponsible and shit. So i’m like yeah fine sure that makes sense, I don’t want people to die while I’m out taking a smoke break. I’m past the days of calling semi-reasonable-but-hypocritical shit bullshit to my boss’s face so I ate that shit up with a smile and decided that if I couldn’t smoke at my new job [still same old job, still just new location] then fuckit it’s not worth my time. I don’t need to be craving for it since i can’t do it. So I went to the store immediately afterward and meant to buy what I decided was going to be my last pack of cigarettes. The clerk wasn’t there for like 5 minutes me and some guy were laughing about him being asleep on the toilet or some shit, so I decided to just say fuckit and I swiped the pack instead of just deciding I didn’t need it lmao. Wrote a nice little greentext story to one of my group chats about how cigarettes make you a bad person but I’m not gonna copy it over too lazy. Anyway, I was straight chugging cigs with people that day. Had to balance my high out lmao  I was smoking all day with spencer and davis, played some ssx tricky [sucked balls. still hate ps2], did really meh at the tournament but had fun playing dubz with spencer. Kinda sad I didn’t hard carry him so that he wouldn’t hate dubz anymore but whatever. Had a nice little crew come over after and got to hang out with christian and michael for the first time in a long time. Might not see christian again now that he’s graduated. that shit’s so weird. Railed him in dubz with dylan for a long time too hahaha fuck that might be the last time I do that, too. Team This House went undefeated for like 30 games that night, we kicked some ass. Even if it’s not true I believe it now hahaha.

But yeah, so that’s the biggest status update of all. I was talking to Darlin and Mom about my living situation with Ashleigh and how great it was and they were asking me about my plans to move out. I was like damn, I hadn’t even thought about it. So I told them I wanted to try to be out by the end of the month and we’re gonna try to roll with that. Gonna see if they find a roommate and when they do I’m gonna get a storage unit, get my shit out of there and stop paying rent. Which is neat, I can throw that money to Ashleigh or my car or something. Pretty pumped to be a little more liquid tbh. 

I crashed in Ash’s bed this morning because she was laying on the couch when I got in, and I just laid there thinking “yknow it’s kind of strange that I’ve always felt more at home in someone else’s bed than my own.” I wonder if it’s completely true, even. My old high school bed was my mom’s, and even then I was always trying to have tons of people over to cuddle up with. Maybe That’s it, is when I’m alone in my own bed there’s no chance someone will get in with me on their own. I Was kinda hoping that ashleigh would want to jump into her bed with me too and we could just lay around together hahaha. Platonically, of course. I swear. I swear I swear. Not to you, random reader, but to myself. hahaha it’s super neat having a girl that’s just a friend, I feel like I haven’t had one of those in an eternity. Well I mean Irene I guess, but we’ve also never hung out alone. and there are plenty of friend’s gfs but that definitely doesn’t count.

Anyway so I’ll just transition out of that bit into describing life in greensboro I guess. I’ve only spent like two weeks here, Aaron called it a little staycation lol. The commute’s only like 24 mins, which is way better than the hour to or from raleigh. Ashleigh has a nice little one bedroom living room bathroom, and there’s a common area for the apartment with a kitchen and laundry. It’s honestly a little strange turning behind myself to lock the doors up, but I can jive with it. I mean Gboro is admittedly full of some jank. Not that any city isn’t.  A lot of my free time has been either laying around watching tv [should switch to tv and melee practice now that I’ve brought a setup over lol], or hanging out at will’s/chris’s/Geeksboro to play melee, or walking somewhere to get food, or eventually once Ash and Aaron get off work I’ll join them at bars for drinks. Those cuteys are so sweet, first of all, it seems like they really care about each other and I fucking love it. Also they constantly remind me of myself, which is weird, but I also love it. Like Aaron even knew how to play Gauntlet [which we played at boxcar for a while the other day], and that’s like one of the rarer Tyler traits. Also also I was out of sorts for a bit because they keep wanting to buy me drinks and shit all the time. At first I was like are they coddling me? are they trying to baby me? Am I a charity case? Am I just going to be an eternal bum? And I realized maybe. But then I realized more importantly they’re just doing what I would do and I fucking love it lmao. 

Like what really drove it home was the other night I went out on this netflix-n-chill date with this girl [more on that later], dropped her off, went out to meet Aaron. Ashleigh’s at home sick, so we’re drinking with our friends cory and... fk... matt? Gonna have to catch his name again I’m so fucking dumb. Anyway, Aaron buys us shots, i go out to smoke a cigarette, we were talking about drugs for a sec, he pops in and out and all of a sudden just tells me to hit up the bathroom and hands me ~a gram of coke hahahaha. For a second I was thinking “who the fuck Does that? I love this man.” and then I thought back to the last time Camille visited for New Years and the day me and her did molly I ended up giving a couple points to her brother for nothing and they were just flabbergasted at me. Gave them some excuse like “man, I don’t deal drugs” and just handed it to him hahaha. So I realized “oh yeah. *I* do that.” So then I realized that since they were both me they were perfect for each other and I’m really happy for them and now I kinda hope that Aaron turns into my slightly older brother figure that I get to bro out with all the time hahahaha.