05/27/2021, 05:58 am - new ends, new beginnings

I’m approaching the precipice of departure.

In 4 short weeks my time in North Carolina will finally be coming to an end. I suppose it’s only appropriate that this blog is coming to an end as well.

I always meant to catch up with what quarantine was doing. but getting back together with jill and watching a million shows and playing games weren’t exactly noteworthy writings. Even still it almost seemed like it’d be a cool time piece, since it was a pretty historic event, the year we spent indoors.

Instead I found the inspiration to take weilin up on learning how to code. I quit my job in february, and I’m spending the next year bouncing around friends and families houses hoping to practice hard enough that I can get a good job next year. switch careers. get out of healthcare and into a new field where I can actually take advantage of the potential I have. 

It’s kind of sad to be wrapping this blog up. I never really expected to end it. But to be honest I’m kind of afraid of its continued existence. Not for the personal shame or anything, but for the first time I’m seeking out work in a field where they might try to pore over this content and deem me unfit. 

Pretty weak and fearful a reason. Maybe I am a little embarrassed. Partially of my obsession with andi at the end, moreso my potential objectification and degradation of the physical form. We all need to grow up from our mistakes, but I’d rather my growth continue to be personal and not corporate, I suppose. I just am so afraid of it being tied to my online personas and divulging more personal content than I’m comfortable with. Even more afraid than my fetlife for some reason. It’s weird, my fet is so much more explicit, and yet I feel like it’s so much less compromising lmao. Maybe that’s foolhardy logic though.

I’m really sad. Goodbyes are always the hardest. And the worst part is every time I get sappy and start to cry a little I think of that time at Brown summer camp when I cried in my dorm with the door open and two more popular kids saw me and laughed. I could have been crying about anything, though. Maybe they’re just assholes. But I get embarrassed nonetheless. 

The relationships I’ve built up here in NC I’ll cherish for the rest of my life. I really hope I manage to keep them going long distance. Unfortunately I know many of my smash friends are fallen to the wayside already... bar friends from greensboro forgotten... raleigh friends soon to be departed... but there are the few from each avenue of life that will stay in touch, I’m sure.

It’s sad that many of my thoughts these days are plagued by how frustrated I get with my roommates’ behavior, and moreso how they’re similar to my own and how I regret how I once acted. I wish I had spent more time with Aaron and Ash instead of trying to start those weird streaming ambitions. I wish I had been quieter when playing league and hadn’t kept my downstairs neighbors and jstu up all night when I lived in brewer. I wish I had been a better person when speaking of the opposite sex when I was drunk in gboro. I wish I had been more tolerant and understanding of andi’s mental health issues, and less of a bitch about money all the time. I wish I hadn’t been so shitty to Kailey when things were over and I was resentful and angry, and I wish I had been more vocal and deliberate about the boundaries that I had set, and more understanding when they were crossed because they were so arbitrarily and lackadaisically set. I wish I had done my goddamn dishes the same night I made them dirty at literally ANY other point in my life prior to now. God, I’m such an excuse making lazy fuck lmao. But here we are. And I own all my mistakes and there’s no way to make amends than to continue to become a better person every day. 

It’s too hard to end things. I meant to split things off with Jill at the end of March. and April. and now may. But as excited as I am to move on to independent living and focusing on myself and my work, I really haven’t been able to bring myself to tell her I can’t see her anymore. Why can’t I just be stronger and work harder on myself AND spend time watching shows with her? well poor self control, for sure. Why can’t we continue to see each other long distance or something? mmph. I don’t know. Jill’s character has developed a lot and she really has authentically taken an interest in many of the things I love, and it’s brought us closer together. We put 420 hours into the witcher 3 and it was one of the best gaming experiences I’ve ever had in my life. But I still don’t see us compatible long term, and our sex life has faltered from month to month. I guess I am excited for something new. Will I always? I still wonder if I’m destined to be alone, like my father or (maternal) grandfather. Get it from both sides, I suppose.

To be honest I still daydream that one of my last days here I can hang out with MJ and have a one night stand. I don’t even know why anymore. We’ve sort of stayed in touch through quarantine. The only bar friend who really has, I suppose. But with quarantine that’s as much my fault as anyones. for the first time in my life I’m not seeking people out and checking in, pursuing friendship or time together. But I don’t know MJ still kind of fascinates me. I always wonder what would’ve happened if I had tried to make out with her the first time we met... but alas.

I kind of see this year of being 29 as a redemption arc for myself, academically. See if I can really be successful and actually try, put aside all the social ambitions and dedicate myself to something better. Staying with my friends and family makes it easier, I think. I’ll get to catch up and live with some of the people I’ve cared most about in my life. Sad that I never really felt comfortable asking if I could stay with manu maya and christina though... with their new baby on the way I’m just worried it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to crash on one of their couches. I don’t want to be a burden on them or anything, and I know as good as a houseguest as I intend on being at everywhere I stay I’m just... not... that good. I’m so much better than I was a decade ago, even half a decade ago. I’m finally an adult lmao. But it seems like only in the rearview mirror am I able to see how frustrating a person I am to deal with on a long term scale.

Maybe I’m not as bad as I think... Jill seems to enjoy my company now... But now that I’m unemployed I feel myself starting to fall into annoying greedy money behavior. She offered to pay for me to get sushi a couple weeks ago and really nearly started bawling. I cant afford to reciprocate anymore and it had felt so freeing to actually have a shred of money to throw around with my old job. and it’s so touching that she understands how I feel and really just wants to help me how she can. I’ve finally gotten over feeling like I can’t take anything from her and over my savior complex of trying to help her, but it still feels pretty sad to be the one that needs help again. 

But I guess I did pay for our vacation to lake week, which was a blast as usual. It’s not as one sided as I imagine, it just always feels worse than it is.

Soon things will be better, though. I have confidence in myself that I’ll be successful, and this will be one of the best undertakings I’ve ever done. I’ll find a new path for myself, and reach a new height in this silly capitalist conventional life, and all the happy little tidings that come with it.

Also random thought, but my DUI finally worked out, but I’m not gonna publish that story anyway due to laziness. Just cost another $1000 having to go through trial. Fuck the legal system, fuck capitalism, fuck the government. I’m ready for the singularity to occur and for machines to take over the earth and I’ll just be a little housepet for them, communicating in my scraps of javascript lmfao.

There’s so much more potential than I ever had. Even with my RPSGT and knowing I could go to work anywhere, there was too much inertia here to actually want to move away. Now, I can really go wherever opportunity takes me. And once I find a career somewhere maybe I’ll find new romance and friendship and excitement. But with google moving down here I wonder if I’m just destined to come back, eventually. Who knows.

But for the first time in a long time I’m ready to break free and put my all into becoming something new. 

Wish me luck 💕💕 I’m gonna need it.

6/22/2020 1:46am - rip bill

It’s been a while, huh?

Quarantine has gone on so long. It feels like it’s been years since life was normal. I’ve had two friends die of overdoses, and my dad’s having health issues, going to protests to revolutionize the world, still playing tons of animal crossing. 

Idk I guess I want to catch up with you because the haziness of doing nothing for so long will really wear out my memory soon enough.

But more importantly today I broke things off with Jill. We had a stupid fight yesterday, and it got us talking about how things were going and ultimately we came to the conclusion that she really likes me and I.... do not. Not that way. I think she’s an incredible person, and there’s so much I like about her. But there’s so much that I don’t. It really felt like dating kailey again in a way. Jill was upset that I didn’t press her to bring her up to virginia to visit my old friends, but I’m actually glad I didn’t make THAT mistake again. I’m never pressuring anyone to go on vacation with me anywhere again lmfao. But she’s just not ride or die enough and it’s a bummer so it’s time to say goodbye. We’ve been living together all through quarantine though, it feels so weird ending things. And of course in true Tyler fashion I fucking laid out a ton of reasons to explain why things weren’t working for me and I came across as a huge dickhead. I think I did a better job this time than any of the others though.  Breakups are weird, man.

So I’m stuck awake, sweaty from doing jiujitsu, kinda just in the ennui of laying on the couch with nobody to talk to. But that ennui also makes me not really want to write anymore right now.  I’ve definitely got some fun mini stories but nothing too crazy obviously. Not much is going on. But I’ll be back soon to tell them, hopefully.

Love ya, be good to yourself 💕

3/28/2020 3:24am - Quarantined interlude

And then, all of a sudden, my life was entirely about Animal Crossing.

These past 8 days have been cute as hell. It’s been such a neat social experience having everyone get this game and also be stuck in the house with nothing to do lol.

Except me.

The funny thing about having a job in healthcare is everyone always tells you “oh yeah, working in healthcare you’ll always have a job.”

But what they don’t tell you is that working in healthcare you’ll ALWAYS have a job.

Dealing with a global pandemic and I’m the only one of my friends in Raleigh who’s still employed. Everything hit the fan fucking fast. Kind of annoying that when everybody’s chilling playing videogames all day I’m the one stuck at work. I’ve always been so happy about this job because I work less than everyone lmfao this sucks tbh sometimes I wish I would just get sick myself. But not really. But maybe it’d be cool? Other than the being sick part lmao.

I really ought to be catching up on my journaling before something even crazier happens with this. I mean there’ve been toilet paper scarcities and shit but nothing Crazy has happened. People are dying, and there’s a massive amount of infections, and it’s stressing me out that Jill still has a cough, and I missed my first day of work in 4 years and thought I might have gotten sick so that was spooky. But nothing like CRAZY. Trying to find a thermometer to take my temperature and find out I was fine was ass though.

Sometimes I feel like I should get a gun so I can go rioting with everyone lmfao.

Also I hung out with MJ and her friend Maddie for a couple days this weekend. It was so nice we spent two days getting drunk and playing animal crossing (me and mj) and oblivion, and co-op overcooked and got drunk. I swear there’s like no chemistry between me and MJ, I think she’s really not into me, but I fucking love when I can make her laugh. She’s such a beautiful person I really have the biggest crush on her. Like so hard I don’t even know how to be innuendo-ey. It’s really hard to be flirty with her, actually.

Hopefully they want to hang out again this weekend. Quarantine can fuck off I’m essential or whatever lol. 

If not, I guess I’ll just be playing videogames with Spencer all weekend. Maybe I’ll see Jill but probably shouldn’t. I don’t wanna be like a typhoid mary killer or some shit.

Maybe I’ll get really baked and actually write about February. 

I was thinking about how I regretted glazing over some of the shit from January. I like really want to go back and tweak some things, like talking about my married threesome and how I didn’t mention some of the kinkier shit. I hate when I get too excited to just write and just kinda touch base with things instead of actually writing. It’s probably how teachers have felt about my work all my life lmao. Damn my ability to procrastinate.

It’s weird I feel like I’m not doing Anything now, with DnD and fet stuff and karaoke cancelled it feels like my life is so empty of my time sinks, and yet I’m always so busy. Probably all the smoking and videogames, I guess lmao. I need to do laundry and start running again. I’ve totally blown off the project to apply to google. Maybe I’ll revisit that. Pretty daunting though. Also I’ve still got this subdermal pimple on my chin that’s driving me crazy and my teeth are feeling kind of fucked but I’m not sure if I should go to the doctor in this.

Plus there’s animal crossing to play lmao.

Anyway I don’t wanna blather on too long, but wish me luck this weekend! I’mma try to hook up with the love of my life lol 💕 (also we send each other cute gifts in animal crossing whenever we can, it’s adorable) 

3/21/2020 12:15am - Quarantined (pt 2)

So January. January January January.

Feels like so long ago now, let’s see what did I do.

January was when I was going on some dates with this girl Beth, that I had met at emo karaoke. I got her number and didn’t really follow up on it much, she came out to regular karaoke once and had to split early. But then I bumped into her outside of Parkside when I was on a date with Kits. I was waiting outside while she was going to the bathroom and Beth bumped into me and we were like hey, we need to hang out sometime!

So we finally did that. We had a nice little date at the science museum and played with her dogs and went to trivia and a comedy show, then made out to Kishi Bashi. Pretty sweet, but she didn’t want to hook up, I accidentally left some hickies (same old story), went home to Jill, she left some Mean hickies on me, and then her roommate saw me at karaoke covered in hickies and asked if it was from my date with Beth and I had to laugh and tell her no, no they weren’t.  Beth ended up needing to go out of town for a cruise and Idk if it was partly because of that but we didn’t really hang out again. We’ve texted once since, but things are weird with quarantine now. Also the craziest thing, we realized while we were in the science museum that we had the same birthday! And a weird lot in common. Maybe I should hit her up, actually? Idk.

Let’s seeeee. First weekend was recovering from travel and new years I think. Second weekend I spent with chris and stef, so much fun. And it was that weekend with kits on sunday that ended in emo karaoke and sex, and then monday was the date with beth because DnD was cancelled.

Still doing DnD every monday. It’s amazing.

Was doing karaoke every tuesday, too, but this quarantine has me fucked up. Feels so wrong not going out on tuesday.

But third weekend I got to see Jstu for the first time in forever!! Love ya, bud. Glad the wedding went well and we got to hang.  Got to chill with Maya and Jill and Kits at the bison. I don’t know why I thought that was a good idea, but it worked out actually lol. I’ve chilled with them together a few times and they both know about each other because I’m open and communicative and it hasn’t managed to blow up in my face Yet. lmao. I think I’m doing something right if I’m surrounded by such tolerant beautiful people lol.

That following tuesday was the first of like 5 weeks in a row that I spent $100 at neptune’s for karaoke. It was nic’s birthday and so I bought everyone shots and they all wanted vodka bombs and holy shit are they expensive. And we did the same the next week because I owed Skylar some money (not THAT much money though goddamn), and again for my pre birthday. and then Again on my birthday week. it was a mess lmfao.

I was actually hanging with kits a bunch that month. We went to a fet party together the next weekend, and I got 283 birthday spankings from everyone there (like 10 a piece). Felt really nice :3 need to do something like that again soon but I cannnn’t 😭 Fuck this quarantine forreal.

Oh yeah there was one night where I did a bunch of shrooms and acid with the gang, then about 8 hours later we did The Box, where we smoke consecutive blunts/bongs in a hotboxed car. You’re not allowed to break box. But at the end of doing all that shit I bitched out after a while. Someone had to get out of the car and let some air in and it tasted so fucking good compared to the smoke that I got nauseous. Weird night. Fun though. Was one hell of a way to jump back into smoking again.

Idk if I mentioned my DUI but it still isn’t resolved. I’m so glad that I blew under and they couldn’t take my license, still waiting on the trial means that I’d be out of my license without hope for this entire like 7 months. would’ve been ass.

Hmm back on track, after my birthday spankings night I took jill out the next night to celebrate that she finally got a job. Unfortunately she also got her car impounded so I’ve still been kinda having to help take care of her the tiniest bit, but a lot less so now that I don’t have to buy her drinks and stuff. Just bought her animal crossing though. It’s nice feeling like I don’t care about money and actually do nice things for people. Wish I had done that more for Andi without bitching about it, but so it goes. Was a different time in my life. 

The last week of January I started playing Dark Souls and it’s been plaguing my life. I fucking suck at that game, but it’s a lot of fun. Very masochistic lmao. End of January is also when I qualified as top 1200 to make the tournament in Feb. So I was playing a bunch of magic. And a new set came out that I was in love with. 

However, Jill did distract me during the night I was supposed to do competitive metagame challenge, so I’ve been playing without a lot of cards the past few months. Kinda frustrating, but I’m still kicking ass. Feels kinda cool that I’m back on my free to play grind. Even though now I’m mostly grinding to afford cosmetics instead of the actual cards 😹 I’m like the fanciest most accomplished F2P player ever now I think.

January was cool, but then FEBRUARY. hoo baby, I really did my birthday month right this year check this out.

I mean first lemme take a breather from writing and play some magic. But I’ll follow up eventually.

3/19/2020 9:20am - Quarantined (pt 1)

Well today I was motivated enough to leave work the earliest I’ve been able to like all year I think. 45 minutes after I clocked out lmfao. Not bad not bad, figured I’d celebrate by actually trying to get some writing done. Usually I’m not even headed home for another hour, much less all settled into bed ready to sleep or whatever.

For the most part that’s been because of Magic. I’m obsessed again. Ever since christmas, my buddy showed me this aggro deck that was doing well, and this whole couple months I’ve been playing like every day at work, maybe one of my days off too if I have nothing to do. I already talked about playing in that tournament though so we don’t need to keep harping on that.

Where even was I when I left off though? before I left for christmas? 

Continued, 3/20/2020 11:52pm

Okay so I decided to just sleep yesterday. Today I also got off only 30 minutes after clocking out, but I was HELLA motivated to go to the store and pick up animal crossing. So much fun. I think it might finally curb my magic addiction and get me off waifu rolling lol.

Or maybe not, I kinda played a few hours today and got almost everything done that I could. It’s like doing chores I guess?

Idk.

but let’s roll this back.

WOW. so the last time I updated was after my jill acid trip when I finally hooked up with Kit huh? So that went great. Me and Kitsune are sorta dating now. Dating feels like a very loose term now that I’m poly, but we see each other like twice a month it’s nice.

Don’t wanna get ahead of myself there.

Let’s start at Christmas break.

The highlights were that I got to get drunk with the gang, Wesley got sick, I smoked weed again for the first time in like a year, and then I was like “well it’s christmas” and smoked a lot of that break. And then didn’t stop. So now I’m kinda chilling with that again lmao. New Year New Me, as I say.

Had a nice little Christmas. Hung out with the fam. Went and visited Tony on the way back and chilled with him in Richmond for a night.

But I had to make it back for New Years, because I wanted to bring in the new year by getting freaky and going to a BDSM party. Figured it would be a pretty stellar way to start the decade out. Turns out I was pretty right! I didn’t end up sceneing or anything, but I did meet this lovely married couple. Made out with the wife when the ball dropped (it’s always so much nicer when you get to kiss someone at midnight than when you’re stuck looking around at all the others, right?) and we got each others’ numbers and talked about hooking up sometime.

We’ve since met up twice at their place and had these delectably debaucherous threesomes. God fucking damn. First time dv penetrating a dp’ing someone, and she would just gushhhh all over the bed. I think the first time we met up we went for 5 rounds. At least, measuring it by how many times I came. He had a real penchant for watching her suck me off while he fucked me from the back and the rhythm of the pounding lightly bouncing her head onto my cock felt incredible. Oh man and when they both started going down on me together, seeing them both on their knees in front of me was gorgeous. Or when they were 69ing while I was fucking her on top of him, so my balls would lightly graze his nose.

Incredible. Wow. I love kinky people my life has gotten so much better.

I recently got added to this other kinky group by this girl I met the night I met terri, one of the people who convinced me to first go to slosh. Me and her are close friends now, I’m glad she realized I’m not a normal toolbag lmao. Can’t remember how she put it. But she’s my cute kitty friend now, I hope we hook up someday.

Anyway, New years.

Right.

So new years I’m at this party and it’s like winding down about 4am, and Maria calls me up and she’s like I’ve got a bottle of whiskey want to drink it with me? And I’m like fucking hell yeah, let’s get laid tonighttttt. But I get there and she’s like actually I haven’t showered in a bit so I’m gross and don’t want to hook up. I’m like what the hell lol. But we chilled and drank til like 8 in the morning and just talked about stuff for a while.

I laid around in her bed a while the next day, went home, found out I forgot my gloves that I needed the next week for slosh I think.

So I’m like hey can I pick them up sometime this week? She says yeah, come over friday after I get off work, I’ll be home at like 11 so come at noon. Thursday night I text her I’m like “hey, I’m at work right now, can I still come tomrorow” she says yeah. I swing by her place right after work (like I said I’ve been too lazy to get off on time because I’m playing too much magic and getting distracted watching streams of people playing so I can learn more and shit) and I’m on the way and she’s not responding. But when I get to her place, I remembered how on new years she tells me she always leaves the back door open. So I head up the stairs to her balcony and knock on her window and I’m like what the hell is going on. I see that she’s asleep and I’m like dammit. Well. I mean she knew I was coming, maybe she left the door open for me? Sure enough it slides open, I tiptoe in and grab my gloves and head out. We snapped that night and I said I grabbed them, and she didn’t really react so I figure we’re good. But like a week and a half later she was like “wait what? Did you ever get your gloves?” I’m like ... yeah. I told you. She said how? I said well I just came in. And she was like wow that’s a total breach of trust, we’re not close like that yet, what the hell. And i’m like hm. Yeah. I definitely was a little weird there, but also why did you invite me over for that specific time and forget about it and go to sleep and then get mad at me?  So long story short we kinda broke things off. Not really broke things off, but kinda just stopped seeing each other. She pretended like she’d come visit me at karaoke one day and then said she checked for me and left but she didn’t lmao. She DID snap me two days ago and invited me to watch her cook on insta for the quarantine, so since I was the only one there we chit chatted for a bit. We’re definitely not on bad terms. It was just weird lol. So we’ll see if that rekindles, but I’m calling that one done, basically. 

3/2/2020 4:44am - no update today lol

I have so much to catch up on. It’s been a fucking wild 2 months.

Basically I haven’t been writing anything because I’m obsessed with magic again. And been doing a lot bdsm/gf/karaoke/dnd stuff

So life is amazing. I’m doing really well and loving every day.

I need to start dieting now that I’m done celebrating my birthday lmfao.

Idk I won this big mtg event this weekend at 10-2 and so I feel really great about myself right now and I’m so happy that I got to do it with weilin broscious and irene.

Eventually I’ll catch up with all the crazy shit I’m doing and my girl situation and everything. Eventually.

Soooo last night went well. :3

Hopefully I didn’t blow it by being a bad kitty. Jeez I gotta kick this habit lmfao. 

Honestly, I think I'll never get sick of the smell of pussy on my fingers 😻😻

12/21/19 3:33am - Poggers

I’m on the backside of a week of work. This week has been long as hell. Max patient load every day, and I’ve been fucking beat because I had to go to court at 2pm yesterday, which was totally fucky on trying to get enough sleep. And it was inconclusive at that, but my lawyer’s looking confident so I’m not stressed as much as I was earlier.

Monday did I get anything done? Are you waiting with bated breath? Well no, no I did not. I think I looked at some questions for like a second and didn’t get much further lol. I went and took a shower and got some food with Dan before DnD and it was a lovely day. Went to slosh and none of my crushes were there, but I did talk to Miranda about her wanting me to bite up her ass sometime. So that’ll be fun.

Made plans with Jill after slosh, we worked everything out from the other day I think. And on the way over to slosh Ashley actually hit me up out of nowhere too! So I was sexting her most of the night, since I told her I couldn’t hang because I had already made plans with Jill. Lol finding opportune times during cuddling to sext other girls is a little challenging, but luckily I don’t have to worry about it if I get busted since it’s not really a secret.

I slept a jillion hours tuesday, woke up, and tried to hype myself into studying. Instead the stress got me stuck on thinking about my court date and I got double stressed and a little queasy and wanted to just go to bed. I laid my head on Jill’s chest and she played with my hair for a long time. Like an hour or something. Got a nice nap in. Felt much better. She’s so sweet when she’s not making fun of me lol. 

I actually DID get some studying in on Tuesday, but it made me realize there’s so much fucking shit that I don’t get with this UXR stuff that I’m feeling further behind than when I started. I should have done some more this week at work but I’ve just been so tired. Luckily I’m about to be on christmas break, so maybe I’ll go antisocial for a few days and study and play magic. On the plus side I do have a phone date with wei tomorrow to start a project to help.

Magic’s been hella fun. Got a new deck that I’m enjoying the shit out of. Punchy punchy stompy stompy :3 Maybe fun enough to actually make it to mythic.

Ok but Tuesday. Karaoke. My boy crushhhh Henry showed up and I got to dance with him and we exchanged numbers and were being all cutesy and he said he wants to scene with me and have me tie him up and he says he’s like as inexperienced with guys as I am I’m so fucking excited. I guess it’s legit I have my first boy crush lol. :3 There was one point where we were fumbling around dancing and I was just like wow what a fucking cutey. And he has such a goddamn nice singing voice. He sang some old timey song and it was wonderful. But I should’ve known that already, I totally forgot about like the second time I met him at Spice when we were out on the back porch smoking cigarettes and singing disney songs together. :3 man.

Also Spencer and Sidd and the gang came out to karaoke for the first time too! It was fucking lit. It was an extremely busy night so I didn’t get to sing much which is frustrating, but jumping around flirting with girls and boys and shit is always fun. I got complimented on my eyeliner and nails by MJ, which felt extra special. I’m gonna sing a song with her girlfriend eventually. And this girl Beth from emo night came to hang out with me for a while too. 

Everyone thinks I’m so pretty and I think they’re so pretty and my life is so gooooood.

So there I am, binging some Initial D with some cookout after karaoke, and I text Ashley at 2am that I wish I really could hook up with her and take her to the airport, and lo and behold she magically wakes up at 5am and says yeah let’s go for it.

So I did that. She sucked me off til I came and it was one of the better blowjobs I’ve ever gotten. Like wow. Then we fucked twice before she had to shower and get ready to go. hooo baby. Her figure still is really perplexing me. She doesn’t LOOK super heavy. She’s got a bit of a belly that shakes a bit when she’s riding me, but I love seeing her ride me. Her ass is just like Disproportionately thick. Like massive. Like such a donk. Like after she came from riding me I turned her sideways and hit it from the back and the sound of her whole ass crashing onto me was like banging a tom tom drum. Plus she’s a big nerd who’s into androgynous boys wearing makeup and nail polish, so she’s a lot of fun. We read that dumb zootopia pro life comic and talked about old college parties for a while. And she’s still SO apologetic, it’s really cute. Like even when she’s riding me and stuff or like when I poke her at a weird angle she doesn’t like she’s apologizing to meee so funny.  So yeah, we’re gonna hang out more often too.

Other than that I brought Jill a bagel and we fucked and cuddled for a sec before I had to go to court. I’ve made a ton of money this week from all the extra patients, so maybe I’ll finally pay off my phone lol. Dropped another $69 on my first adult board game, so that’s neat. It’s based off The Adventure Zone so I’m sure it’ll be cute at the very least.

Lastly I’ve decided to identify as Polysexual, rather than Bisexual. For starters it’s trans inclusive, which I am interested in. Second of all look at this flag! It’s the best pride flag it’s so cute and it’s my favorite colors lmfao. Third of all the pan flag is not as cute and I’m not interested in Aces so does that disqualify me from being pan? who knows. But I like this. Plus being polysexual and polyamorous means I’m poly poly which also sounds cute in my head.

💕 everything’s coming up meeeeee still. Going to a party tomorrow. Melanie might come. and KITSUNE might come! I forgot to say I invited her to a party and she said she’s really interested AND one of her polycule broke up with her which fucking sucks butttt that means she has an opening now 👀 lmao but I’m excited just to chill with her, it should be a lot of fun. Might see Elyse too, and might do some acid with jill this weekend, and might do a magic draft this weekend before driving up to virginia for the holidays. I fucking love my life

12/16/19 9:24am - post emo karaoke, journey of a day alone talking to myself

I fucking love emo karaoke

I love going out and getting compliments and being called pretty. I love my bartender who cuts a few drinks off my tab because I sit outside and smoke cigs and talk with him.  I love people who ask if I’m in a band. I got invited to be in this couple’s band last night. Hope something happens with it lol. I love getting girls numbers even though I don’t really plan on hitting them up. I love boys complimenting my hair.

Last night was sweet. I keep not getting a full head to toe picture of my outfit which is annoying, but I have been getting filmed doing my songs every time. Maybe if I put enough on the internet someone will see me and think I deserve to be a singer like justin bieber lmfao. (shrug) I’m vain enough that I love watching myself. 

Got to hang with peter and his new gf susie. Hadn’t seen him in forever, that was sweet. Tried to bounce to Ruby afterward to make out with some non binary girl like last time I did emo karaoke but alas it was deader than dead. So I came back to the end of the emo show and ended up getting a ride home from some friends who gave me like 5 bags of milanos. fucking sweet.

I also flirted with the host of the event last night and asked her out and got her number but she’s emotionally unavailable unfortunately. And it seems like she’s very busy. But still gotta shoot that shot lmfao. 

This is my attempt to be productive. I’m sitting in bed naked. Well in a robe and slippers. Not watching the end of my anime though I might take a break soon. Trying to do as much productive shit as possible because I finally have a day to myself. It feels kinda nice, tbh. When you’re with someone all the time you don’t have a lot of time to just... sit. Kinda digging this idea of getting some space from jill a little more.

I’m gonna do a dumb arts and crafts project where I want to put some velour or fuzzy material on some socker boppers for bdsm cooldown I don’t know why but it’ll be funny.

Also I’m trying to research if silicone lube or oil based lube is better for long term butt plug wear but it’s hard to find the results I need.

Hm. Research is going well. Not on anything I ought to be looking into like my UXR but in general lol. Maybe I’ll check in later

______

9:58am 

fuck I wish I still had that fabri tac. I don’t want to buy a new $10 bottle just for one project that seems excessive. Found a good alternative for pretty cheap though, hopefully that’ll work. Socker boppers project is go lol.

accidentally unplugged my laptop and started working on some flogging skills for a bit. Can’t figure out the hand pattern for florentine though, this calls for some youtube videos.

Also I realized I should totally just ask my gay buddies and pet play buddies at slosh tonight what kind of lube I should try out next. duh. Of course they’ll know better than some dumb website trying to push a product.

Gotta tumble dry some laundry real quick to fold these pants up. laundry is neverending blegh. Maybe I should do this week’s just to get ahead of it before the holidays? meh.

I wonder if I’ll look back on this and be like “wow it’s really neat seeing some nice stream of consciousness writing. I like being able to put myself back in that state of mind and really remember what my life was like” or if I’ll be like “wow this is the pedantic scribblings of a narcissistic bore” lmfao. I guess only time will tell. Maybe I’ll get killed by Trump 2020 neonazis for being a polyamorous pansexual democrat and they’ll go back and read this like it was the diary of anne frank and this will all just be part of the precursor like how they included some of anne’s boy stories. Are diaries really of any literary merit other than documenting something of historical significance? loliunno

hm. I wanted to improve my eye makeup but there’s really not all that much that I found you could do with just eyeliner. I kinda wanna get some pretty eye shadows but I’m not sure if I should do that in person or not. I still wanna look like that pretty trans girl in Euphoria sometime. 

Decided I’d throw away these Nori Maki snacks that I have from hawaii still. They were best by like october but they’re like sealed and they’re just rice crackers lol. But mmm seaweed wrapped rice crackers coated in this soy sauce shit? Soy sauce is just one of the best flavors on the planet I think. Does soy sauce compete with like pesto and hoisin as one of my favorite sauces? You don’t really think of it as a contender but yknow when you have some GOOOD soy sauce and it slaps a little bit? Idk how they make it or if they even do make it but they have this stuff in a little container at grand asia market and it tastes so much better than kikkoman. Like it’s richer or something. Yum. 

Maybe I’m just hungry lol. Getting the diet back on track is like 50-50. On one hand I took a nice fast day on saturday just ate some nuts and stuff, got some brie and salami to take to work to go for some super light and non-expensive days. But on the other hand last night I got sick of salami and cheese cuz i was drunk and ate a cookout burger and fries. I ordered fries for myself for the first time in months, blegh. 

Okay too much nori maki this has gotta go lol kinda makes my stomach feel weird. But good idea for a vehicle for soy sauce flavor lol.  I kinda want like... soy sauce gum right now.

Lol that’s enough about soy sauce.

______ 10:25am

Damn. My new cheetah ears came in. but they’re not really cheetah ears. They’ve got that yellow with the dots, but they’re way too long and pointy. Kinda would make for a nice fennec outfit or something I suppose, but definitely not for my kitty needs. I think I might have gone too hard on my 2nd+3rd tail+ears, and now everything is just gonna look shitty in comparison. The curse of balling out is you’ve gotta keep up the lifestyle 😹 But no matter. People call my leopard print cheetah all the time anyway, it looks close enough. Plus snow leopards and cheetahs both have rounded ears anyway. Which is something most people on etsy don’t seem to get lol everyone just makes triangles all the damn time. 

So that’s a bust. I’m so happy I can just throw money at stupid shit and not care about it like this. I wonder how crazy I’m gonna go if I DO end up working at google. Me? With ACTUAL amounts of disposable income? OwO Damn maybe I should start actually working. Nahhh not yet.

Gotta play with some magic the gathering shit really quick lmao.

__________

1:27pm

uhhhh I just played a lot of magic the gathering. I got 15 wins so cool? got up to gold? Idk if I have the determination to go all the way to mythic this month. Or any month. I wonder if I’m fundamentally winning less games or if I’m just not as excited? My win rate couldn’t have been THAT sick, could it? I guess there was the streaks of playing RDW and mono green where I would win 7-0 in a half hour. Those were good days lol. 

Hrm. I’m gonna procrastinate by moisturizing my hands now. Watching this guy play a cool dimir control deck, I could get behind playing something like that.

I guess it’s like I’m not a pleb for magic anymore, so I don’t feel motivated to unlock the cards. But I’m not rich anymore either, and I can’t just play every single deck I want because I got lazy with it. I gotta just maintain and try to unlock all the cards next set and get ahead of the game again. 👌🏻👌🏻

12/15/19 - a shitshow of a tuesday

So on tuesday I slept in again, and hung out until I had to go to a work meeting at 6. Then dipped from there at 7 to meet up with Maya and watch Promare in a theater. It was unsurprisingly a lot like Gurren Lagann lol. It was kinda like Kamina+Viral vs Gamagoori from Kill La Kill. Pretty sweet, overall. I kinda liked the plot but it really just reiterated to me that Trigger will never come up with another plot again, they’ve always done one plot and will always do it. 

I convinced Maya to come out to karaoke with us. Bunny was actually coming for real, and I invited Jill but told her to be ready at 9:45. Didn’t really eat dinner and didn’t get to because everyone was running late. Jill kept us waiting for like a half hour again, which was pretty annoying since she said she’d be ready this time. Whatever.

Karaoke was sweet though. Saw some old faces I hadn’t seen in a bit like that divorcee brittany, and the cute blonde sam. Barely flirted around but mostly I was hanging with the gang. Cheesebutter came out for the first time and got shwasted lmfao. Did some shots, bought some drinks for people, I’ve been kinda loosy goosy with it. It felt fine though because I didn’t have to pay for ubers for once lol. Evens out, right?

The slopppy shit comes in when Skylar says he got invited to an afterparty as things were wrapping up. I was like ooh fun, should I come? Knowing I had bunny and jill tagging along, but figured they’d be fine. He said yeah sure, they said yeah sure, we bounced over there. It was pretty close.

So I go into bubbly party overdrive self meeting people, shotgunning beers with the host, yknow normal shit. When out of nowhere Jill comes up to me pissed and says she’s leaving and I was like “what?” and she storms out and flicks me off from down the hallway saying if I’m not coming with right now not to try to come over after I was done here. I was like whaaaaaaaaaat?? Then she called me harassing me to call her an uber since I was her ride and I was trying to figure that out for like 15 minutes because they kept cancelling on me, it was a huge pain in the ass. 

Bunny had been chatting with her so I asked what the hell that was about and she said she was just sick of it and wanted to leave. So Jill and I were talking about it and it was like I wasn’t giving her enough attention and the people at the party weren’t cool enough for her (admittedly a lot of them were dudebroey and they were pretty young) but it really just pissed me off because that’s literally the exact thing she told me that I WOULDN’T have to worry about with her last week. And that she had given me such a hard time over the fact that she just wanted to go home really grated me.

So, I tried to hook up with bunny, she said I could fuck her any time after our scene nsa. But Not tonight because I was too drunk. Hrmph. Fine.

So then I was trying to work things out with Jill and figure out what the hell happened and she was pissed that I wasn’t coming home with her or something so I offered to go there in a half hour after I sobered up, and ended up passing out on the couch watching Christian play CoD instead lmfao. Probably for the best that I didn’t drive though, I need to stop thinking with my dick ALL the time.

I was thinking for a long time this week what to do about Jill. Bunny and some people have been telling me I needed to pull the rip cord now that she’s being more needy and developing these feelings. Normally I’d say the same and was thinking about ending it with her. I did tell her I didn’t think something serious was going to develop between us because of some incompatibilities and mostly that I was super weird, and she insisted that she was just really drunk and upset about waking up early and that it shouldn’t be reflective of her normal feelings because she still wants us to be how we were. But god damn like the first time I tried she blew up on me, so I just told her we need a little more space. But I Did remember the Mewtwo card telling me not to push people away, so I told her we weren’t going to break things off just because of some emotions, and that I just wanted a little more room to do my own thing once and a while, usually on karaoke days. and she was like well you’ve already got a lot of you time with your bdsm stuff and your dnd stuff and I was like oh. well yeah. but if you’re not into that you’re just not lol.

Idk. I acknowledge that the only reason the problem arose in the first place was because I dragged her out to the after party that I didn’t really even care about going to just to drink more. I love overindulging on everything, but maybe it’s kinda toxic? Eh whatever. I’m not gonna change that aspect of my life though. It’s just weird that a problem came out of it so quickly. 

Maybe having a harem just isn’t... in the cards for me 👉🏻😹👉🏻

This week at work has been busy as FUCK. Doing an extra night right now; had to pick up an extra shift for the holiday rush. But the money helps a lot. Especially because I’ve dropped another $200 on fetish clothes, butt plugs, and whips. lmfao. What is my life these days. 

Also oh yeah at karaoke jordan said that the girl I was crushing on for her memes has been taken for like 2 years so she’s out.

So in summary.

Jill - ??? We’ll figure it out. Probably just ease off the gas on that one Maria - once in a while when possible 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻 I’d fuck her every day if I could though. Ashley - potential callback Bunny - dtf💕 Elyse - crushing 😻 Kitsune - crushing 😻 Henry - low key crushing 😻 also people have told me my friend Miranda has a crush on me, but she’s so young. Idk if I wanna get involved and fuck up her head or something. 

But yeah that’s all the important ones lol. MJ is still cute as fucking fuck, but I think she’s got a gf now. I did tell her I love her memes though, we have much better rapport now than when I forgot her name 😹

Life’s good though, donated blood, and since I did double reds I’ve been eating kinda trashy to refuel. But now I’m easing off the food weight. I’ll probably start really dieting and exercising again after new years. Or maybe I’ll like stay a little lean so I look good for new years photos. Who knows. I’m still pretty static at 165 and I like how I look even with my bit of a paunch so it’s fiiiine.

Can’t wait to get into some christmas shenanigans! Love y’all have a happy new years and all.

12/15/19 1:05am - Slosh Tarot Reading

So monday, what happens? I sleep til like 3 because fuckit I was up forever.

Then I play DnD with the gang, we fought a mimic and got through another layer of dungeon and leveled up (leveled up on both my chars at the same time? sickkk)

and then we wrapped up and I went to Slosh as usual. Spent some time cuddling up with Elyse and saying hi to everybody, and it turned out Kitsune was there too! I met one of her partners, she showed me her polycule diagram, pretty neat stuff. We talked about going on a sushi and shibari date eventually, but she’s kinda overloaded from having 6 partners and a job that works long hours on a farm, so hopefully eventually something happens with her lol. We’ll see. I did get her number though this time, and she kissed me on the cheeeeek and stared longingly at me for a while when we said goodbye and we talked about playing DnD together sometime, idk she seems super nifty. Worst comes to worst she’s a great new kitty friend (all my primal buddies are kitty friends).

So we sat there drinking some mulled wine and talking when our friend Lucky was talking about doing tarot readings, and I said I haven’t gotten one in forever and she offered to give me a reading with her pokemon deck. I was like helllllll yes.

So in this picture, my present is the hanged man, and my problem is the devil.

She said the devil points out issues with overindulgence and chaos in my life. I laughed and said I kind of thrive off chaos.

A lot of the cards like the 6 of staves and the furret (page of pentacles) card were saying that I’m currently celebrating taking some new direction in my life and that it’s been going well so far, which I referred to as my explorations into fet and polyamory.

The world indicates that it will fruit into completion eventually.

💕so glad I got mew

But Mewtwo, the hermit, said that I have an unconscious tendency to push people away emotionally and that I have to be careful not to wander off on my own all the time. I thought that was kinda weird at the time but it does make sense now.

Last she said that the sun card showed my bright disposition and that my future is filled with hope and optimism.

It was so pretty. I’m so happy lol.

Then I hung out with Elyse and Kyle at accordion and we drank for a bit but I didn’t go too hard so I wouldn’t be fucked for the drive home. We played a game where we flipped a coaster to see who would bite who and she got me really good in the shoulder hnnng. :3

Little did I know, the tarot reading would come to fruition much quicker than I expected

12/14/19 1:53am - Best Weekend pt 2

I woke up sunday to my friends calling me to play DnD on the interwebs. It was the first time I’ve gotten to play with them in months, and we had a nice level up at the end of a practically 2 hour long fight with a Beholder and escape from a collapsing temple. Always fun.

I was supposed to meet up with Maya and Jill to go to boxcar that afternoon, but Maya started flaking to hang out with her mom. I was texting Maria, and she said she was out and about and that she’d be down for me to come chill. So while I waited for Maya I threw my laundry in the dryer and went downtown to meet up with Maria. We hung out at boxcar and talked and played video games and giant jenga and drank mimosas for a long time. She had to vent about some work shit and ex husband that was going on, and I didn’t mind listening to it all. We chilled from like 6-9 (nice lol) when Maya finally said she was ready to hang, but that it would be in Apex instead of downtown.  I told Maria I had to leave, but flippantly said that I wish I could take her home and fuck the shit out of her first. She said “okay, let’s do that then.” and I was like oh fuckkkkk yes. We went home and she asked me what *I* wanted to do, which is kind of a stumper at first, but after hanging with Kitsune the night before I realized I really fucking need to get back on my tying game. So I asked if she wanted me to tie her up and fuck her, which she was extremely enthused about because she hadn’t been tied in a long time. I just did some simple wrist ties to see if I had my single loops down still. They’re so easy; it’s nice to be able to make just some simple wrist cuffs, but I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t fucking up and cutting off circulation with the basics before I started practicing more intense stuff. Mmmm the sex was pretty fucking great too. I came kinda fast, considering she loves when I pound her and I had her tied up I was so worked up by it all.  I stopped to pee, but I now realize that the sex pee is kind of helping to keep my dick stiff when I go in for round 2. So a lot of the second round was me trying to reinflate so I could keep my broomstick aloft in her quidditch pitch. 

wow that’s a good one. Gotta send that to the harry fanfic people. I’m sure it’s been done before.

Anyway, with her tied up I was basically half-fapping slapping my dick against her clit to stiffen back up, then we’d fuck for a couple more minutes until my legs got tired or I actively went squishy again. She was loving it though, and moaned and scratched at my chest through all the dick slapping and everything. I guess not everything in porn is totally fake; she later told me it felt really intense with me teasing her like that.  And I was so fucking proud of myself honestly, because after a half hour of what felt like blundering through trying to stay hard and wondering what the hell I was going to do to finish this, she squirted all over me and the bed 😻💦 I was like hell. yes. this is a perfect note to end on, praise yeezus hahahaha. 

I always throw on music when I’m fucking her in my room. I’m not sure if it’s because my roommates are over and I want to play something else for them to hear? Though they said they didn’t really hear anything, just a few moans here and there. Idk why I don’t have the urge to put music on with other people. Maybe I just feel more in control of the situation or something. Who knows. But she liked when Wavves came on.

But yeah, that was sick, we got our clothes on and headed out.  Maya and Jill were still waiting on me, after all, and I had taken quite a bit longer than I expected 😹 Pretty sure I joked with Sidd in the living room that I’d be done in like 3, it ended up being more like 40. :3

Anyway, picked up Jill and we had a nice night with Maya watching Ru Paul’s, drinking wine, playing some cards and trivia games, smoking cigs, and catching up with life and whatnot. I went on a tear with the one game of trivia and won by getting like 6 questions in a row. The other one I lost though. Jill taught us to play Rummy, I got kinda bopped though.  We hung out until like 4 in the morning actually. It was a long time lol.  Took Jill back to her place and we made out in the car jamming out to loud music like high school punks. Until this asian guy came out of his apartment and yelled at us for having the music so loud lmfao. Then we wrapped up listening to a Rural Alberta Advantage song, went inside, fucked, and passed out. 

Perrrrrrrfect evening. 💕

12/14/19 1:13am - About as good a weekend as it gets

Yeah I think I mentioned that last weekend was fucking phenomenal, right?

Saturday I got off work, watched some cartoons (been watching this anime Initial D, it’s lovely), showered and put some makeup on to go to the Cackalacky Closer melee event.  I figured hey, if I’m gonna be the judge of a costume contest, I might as well look better than everyone, right? Plus I figured it’d be nice to have my makeup ready in case the event ended early enough for me to go to the play party afterward in burlington.  Now that I have some eyeliner that isn’t a total bitch to put on I’ve been playing with how I do my eyes, with this simple little swipe strat that gives me a pseudo-wing. It’s really pretty, but I need to work on my actual cat eyes for obvious reasons lol.  

Cackalacky was sick. I drank some beeeers, saw all the good ol melee peeps, caught up with some people, played some magic the gathering, entered a random games tournament and did pretty well but fucked up trying to learn how to play starfox adventures.

Also sidebar for lunch on the way over there I had the zaxby’s spicy chicken sandwich and it’s for sure better than popeyes and cfa’s, though it’s not cost efficient compared to cfa, so cfa is still optimal. Just needed to put that out there. 

Idk it was super laid back. I put together a trivia team with dylan chris and justin and we barely clinched it, melee trivia champions baybeeeee.

But then to top it off the melee shit was over at like 9:30, so I hoofed it over to the play party. Met this cutttttey Kitsune, she’s a newbie to the scene who was there for her first party, wearing nothing but a pair of panda underwear. Titillating, we were talking about snacks and making introductions when we find out we’re both curious about rope play and primal stuff. SoooOOooOoOo we made some plans to do a scene since I’m no longer a newbie and I’m allowed to conduct myself in such a fashion. We were planning on doing a wrestling takedown bondage scene on the bed, but it got taken up and instead we formed a giant cuddle puddle where I got to nibble on her titties and back and butt and scratch her up a bit while she pulled on my hair and scratched me back for a couple hours. Also rubbed up on my buddy Henry, too, the guy I first met at the fashion show. He’s still a major hottie, I think I actually have a crush on him a bit tbh. When we said goodbye we kissed each others’ necks a bit and someone said it looked like we were about to start a porno lmfao. Mmm. So hot. Both of them are so hot. Wow I’m so happy with every day I’m in this scene lmfao.  

So things didn’t work out sceneing with kitsune, but after a while of sucking on my friend miranda’s ass people were starting to turn in for the night, but Bunny asked me if I wanted to do a primal scene with her instead. I was like oooookay! Barely knowing what I was doing, but with her I knew I could go as hard as I want and I like... really got animalistic biting on her tits and back and scratching at her and it was amaaazing. It felt like a relief like sometimes I’d be like “is this right?” and she’d be so encouraging. :3

I went home with a sense of accomplishment and a new friend and another first time bdsm play on the books. Idk what my goals are next, I suppose I need to do some more intense rope play. Maybe I’ll get tied up or something soon. 

12/14/19 12:51am - December

Sunday I mostly spent with the boys. Spencer, Dan, and I got some indian food and chilled out playing some shit until I went over to Jill’s. She passed out kinda early and I stayed up most of the night watching the end of bojack lol. Love what they’ve done with the end of the show tbh.

The next day we got some dunkin donuts and I went home to try to be productive but instead I think I did a whole lot of nothing. Went to slosh and saw the usual suspects. Bunny and I started making plans for her to come to karaoke with me. Flirty with elyse as always, and there’s this pretty super newbie couple who are fun to talk to because they admire what I’m up to all the time lol. I fucking love going to slosh and getting compliments from so many people. I’ve got this old gay man nip who was just telling me about how hot I was and how he loves my style and everything I wear out to my events and it feels so good to be appreciated for being weird even in a weird setting lol. This slosh I bailed out kinda early though and just went back to Jill’s place. Spent a lot of time with Jill lately, and this is where things start to get a little sus.

Last karaoke Jill was hitting me up like hey do you want me to come with karaoke with you and I was like I don’t really care whether you do or don’t. I just told her if she wanted to come with she should be ready by 9:45 so I’m not late. She wasn’t ready and started acting all self conscious like whether I didn’t want her to come with or not. Which is a fair read, I don’t really care if she comes because I like flirting with more girls and I thought elyse might be coming and I don’t fucking know I just spent 3 days with her practically. But I mean I care about her feelings to an extent, she’s just making it more explicit that she wants more attention from me and it’s like kind of not where I want to be at right now.  Nobody ended up going to karaoke except for her and skyler and nic and jack though, so it was actually pretty nice to have her company. We went home and had a long talk about how she felt like I was basically doing her a disservice being all wishy washy about wanting her to hang out, and that she wasn’t like normal girls and that we were going to be fine flirting with other people and shit, and that she just wanted to hang out with me in public more often. She had actually gotten my buddy ian’s number, she meant what she said. I was like wow, you’re weird, this is fantastic, sure that all makes sense. Made a note to just quit kinda shirking her and bring her along to stuff. But we’ll put a pin in that for now.

Weds my patients all flaked out on me, nobody wanted to go to bars because it was gross out. Ended up seeing jill after a date with ian went pretty disastrously lol. She was talking about how he was just talking about how much money he made and trying to be sweet to her all night and it came off as weird. Dunno if they fucked anyway, but who cares. Slept in at her place, we fucked and got some pho before I had to go in to work the next day, pretty lovely. 

Work that week was pretty uneventful, but when I found out the fuzzy jackets I was wearing from costco were gone I found some new fuzzy hoodies at target and started putting together a black kitty and a foxy outfit :3 I’m so excited, I’m almost wrapped up with getting the black one ready for the new year’s party and it’s gonna be gorrrgeous. 

12/14/19 12:38am - Thanksgiving

So then it’s like 9am or some nonsense and I have to get home to take a shower and hit the road to go to Virginia. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea, but I started watching some Bojack and didn’t end up actually leaving til like noon. By then I was like sleepy and shit and had to pull over a couple times at some rest stops to actually make it up, ugh. Made it at like 530 and nobody wanted to give me time to change into nice clothes so this year’s thanksgiving pics have me in my tiger and some plaid pajamas lol. Pretty fitting tbh. 

Thanksgiving was cute. The highlight for me was after dinner when the entire family except dar, pa, tav and I shared this big ass joint that jessie rolled. Really makes me wish I could smoke lol it was just a cute moment. I told my family that I was thankful for them and my friends for being so accepting of me no matter how weird I got. At some point I also told them I was poly and that I wanted to try to get 7 girlfriends, one for each day of the week. I’ve got some very mixed reactions to that non-joke. A girl whose number I got before at emo karaoke absolutely hated it. My family seemed mixed on it. My new poly friend Kits absolutely loved it though.

Anyway from all the shenanigans and being out late the previous night and driving all day I was pretty fucking spent, so I ended up passing out in a chair really early and went to bed at like 9.

My family ofc tried to convince me to stay with them another night when I told them I didn’t need to work, but I was notttttt going to do that. Was casually texting Elyse and some people trying to sculpt some plans for when I made it back, but instead I found out the govnah gang was hanging in falls church, and since matt wasn’t coming back for christmas I figured I’d go out drinking with them instead of going home. We started at this fancy cuban bar in DC, but Matt forgot his fucking wallet in the car so we thought we were gonna be stuck there all night. Convinced Brian to both come out and also break into matt’s rental to get him his wallet lol. Matt’s gf also invited a pretty famous smash bros player along who she knew from high school. I had only met him in passing, but it was just a weird coincidence. Really hit it off with him though. I pitched the idea of karaoke to everyone and they were like fuck it yeah, and we found this nice little dive bar where we got to sing a few songs before we started getting skipped. Finally did Black Parade with Brian, did some TSwift with June. We bailed out of there at like midnight or something, got some fancy tacos, came back to Alex’s, and played smash until I passed out with a controller in my hand.

All in all a wonderful thanksgiving.

Drove back to make it home in time for work, and closed out November pretty damn well.

12/14/19 12:20am okay picking up where we left off

Hm. Okay let’s get back in this.

That karaoke was fun, but it ended pretty early with me pretty drunk. Maria had come to get her scarf and so I was drinking a bunch with her and Skylar. Jill had been asking if she should come with and ended up hanging out with her friend Paulie instead.  Made out with Maria for a while, but she had to go home for work early in the morning, so I tried to catch a scooter over to where Jill was chilling. This asshole picking up the scooters tried to let me use an activated one for $10 and I was like no that’s just dumb, I’ll uber. Ended up hanging with Pauly and his brother and friend um fuck what was his name. They were gay and Jill later said usually they’re not so friendly but that I must have exuded some big bi energy because they were really cool with me. We ended up hanging at their place afterward, did some coke since I can’t smoke, and he asked me if I wanted to play smash bros for some reason. Tore him up with kirby and then on random for a second lol. Brought jill home at like 4 and we fucked and passed out. 

Slept in hard to get ready for this work-thanksgiving-work-work week I had lined up, but when I showed up with my food it turned out that I wasn’t scheduled to have any patients until the extra day I had taken. I was flabbergasted but made sure it was correct and was like fuck yeah free time. I was trying to figure out what I should do with my life when I realized that my beautiful kitty friend Elyse had invited me to see her do some figure posing in Durham that night. Got the address from Kyle and fucking booked it down the road with a new pretty notebook and my pens ready to go, still wearing my scrubs. It was at this tarot bar that I had gotten drunk with William at when he had come to visit, so that was kinda nostalgic. I was kind of expecting a little bit more of a private scene and for her to be naked, tbh 😹😹 isn’t figure posing always naked? APPARENTLY not. But it was fun! I did some nice drawings, at least much nicer than I expected. I also started chatting up this girl next to me, turns out she was living in carrboro so we bonded about unc stuff and started talking dnd and whatnot. I invited her to drink with me and kyle and elyse afterward at this bar we pop over to after slosh once in a while, and we hit it off even harder. I convinced her to let me go home with her and we hooked up that night and again that morning. :3 She’s pretty cute, kind of the upper bounds with what I’m happy with weight wise. But her waist was kinda tight and she just had a HUGE donk, it kinda had me mirin. You don’t normally think of pear shaped as like a compliment right, but I’m not sure how else to describe it. 

It was cute though, she was so apologetic about everything for some reason. She was apologetic that she came before me, she started apologizing when I pointed out she was bleeding a little (doesn’t really phase me, I guess that makes more sense for normal people though), she was apologizing every time we’d shift too much and I’d slip out lol. Am I good looking enough to make girls that nervous? Who knows. 

We’ve texted a little bit since then, but only about DnD stuff. Maybe I’ll hit her up one day? Idk. Chapel Hill is just inconvenient lmfao. But Ashley’s a nice girl. Helped me wake up on Thanksgiving by sucking me off a little and fucking me, so I can’t really ask for much more than that. 💕