On gender like ive always felt a little envious of trans men who transition and they find contentment in just being male, like their ambition kinda stops there like yeah I'm just some guy i love twitch streaming and jacking off. Like I'm a guy, time to stop thinking abt it. Me I'm never gonna be satisfied. like being male as default I'm still going to be a little uncomfortable and dysphoric, like I need my masculinity to be a presence, not an absence, less like a dad and more like a demon. A dark presence that needs to be appeased and endlessly exploits desire and is constantly in pursuit, either of a discernable target or in an aimless frantic search for any scent that might correct its path. People afraid to look at me like i'm the devil.