Cul-de-sac (1966)

The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1973) Alan Gibson

March 30th 2024

The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1973)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

It’s bad enough to make any movie boring but you have to be extra incompetent to make a film titled The Satanic Rites of Dracula less interesting than math homework. This is the kind of horror film any obsessive movie goer will probably wind up watching more than once during their lifetime. Why? because it’s in the public domain. You can find it included in any number of bargain bin horror DVD sets for cheap. Don't be tempted. I’d rather sit down and watch The Devil Bat again than this snooze-fest.

The English Secret Service learns of a sinister plot concocted by Satanists. Prominent members of society are all involved, meaning the operation to take it down must stay hush-hush until Colonel Mathews (Richard Vernon) and Inspector Murray (Michael Coles) figure out who to trust. Once they bring in occult expert Professor Van Helsing (Peter Cushing) to help, he makes a startling realization: the legendary Count Dracula (Christopher Lee) is leading the cult!

Seeing the previous Hammer Dracula films won't make a difference. This plot just isn’t interesting. Most of it concerns talking heads wondering whether the Satanists are all bluster or whether they actually pose a threat to the world. When the authorities finally realize Van Helsing’s old friend, scientist Julian Keeley (Freddie Jones), is developing a new strain of the bubonic plague, you’re relieved the action is finally going to kick in and wonder what this has to do with Dracula. Truth is, there’s no reason for him to appear. There’s talk about the Count wanting to get revenge on all of mankind by wiping them out but that makes no sense. What's he going to do after? Starve? If he’s trying to end his immortality by killing us all, there are easier ways. In this picture alone, we learn several ways to take out the count: stakes through the heart, silver bullets, sunlight, RUNNING WATER… there’s another one too, a means introduced out of nowhere right at the tail end of the film in order to wrap things up quickly (not quickly enough if you ask me). It’s a Deus Ex Machina cross-bred with lazy writing. The results will make you wish you hadn’t bothered with any of it.

The idea - as far as I can tell - was to mix up the Dracula formula by blending elements of science fiction and spy thriller with horror. It's a failed experiment. The whole time, you’re just sitting there, waiting for Dracula to show up. Blah blah blah, conspiracies, blah blah blah, you can't trust anyone. Can we get more of the cultists sacrificing naked virgins and talking about the “Sabbath of the Undead”? Not that the secret society stuff is particularly interesting but at least it’s simple. Trying to figure out how many days left before the plague is unleashed and wondering why the villains who could’ve easily killed Van Helsing while he was passed out instead decided to let him off with a warning wasn’t enough to keep me entertained. Not while the one-dimensional and generally useless characters run around trying to figure out what the audience already knows.

I hope I never have the misfortune of stumbling upon The Satanic Rites of Dracula again. While Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing always bring a certain level of fun - particularly when they’re together on-screen - nothing about this film would ever tell you why they’re fan-favourites among classic horror aficionados. There’s no reason for anyone to check out The Satanic Rites of Dracula. (On DVD, March 24, 2020)

⛧ W A ⸸ C H I N G ⛧

The remastered Warner Archive version is miles ahead of Mill Creek Entrainment's release 20+ years ago.

That old release was ugly, The amont of scratches and sound issues, the final part of the film with the house fire was so blurry and discolored.

This transfer, however, is absolutely beautiful. There's a lack of special features. But it's such an improvement that I can't complain too much.

William Franklyn Miller

William Franklyn-Miller by Steve Harnacke (2022)

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W A T C H E D

Not many people know the movie, probably lesser so since its 65 years old. But if you can find it, see it.

Good suspense thriller.

William Franklyn Miller

William Franklyn Miller in full leather