I loved this episode so much. It was soo cute. It was heavy and serius but in a nice lovely way. All the characthers just felt a lot like people and their connections to the PCs genuinally made me feel so many things.

Zolf finally admiting in his own way that he and Wilde have a relationship (not a romantic relationship, definitivaly not a sexual relationship but A relationship that matters more than any of his relationship with the others). Azu realizing the way they (her + the crew) were treating Carter and promissing to protect him, to let him be himself for once in his life. Cel noticing how similar they are to Sassraa and all of their small moments together, of Sassraa looking up to Cel ending in them becaming science best buddies.

It's the please come back because I need you (sorry the parallel with "you're my reason, Martin" played in my head while I was typing it and I smilled), it's the come back and will protect you and we can actually be real friends, it's the come back and we'll fix if together. It's the come back cause you matter and it's the future plans and the come back so there can be a better future for us to dream about.

wrote a little qpr zoscar fic set around rqg 180! wilde coming out to zolf as aro

it’s on ao3 but i’m also putting it under the cut here in case you’d rather read it on tumblr because it’s kinda short

When Zolf looks out of the window of the bunkhouse, he can see Wilde sitting on a bench in the garden, reading a Harrison Campbell novel. He seems very… in tune with the atmosphere of this place, very comfortable with where he is, in a way that Zolf hadn’t seen him look before the resurrection. Wilde had woken early that morning and tried to sneak outside so as not to wake the Zolf asleep next to him, and had not done a very good job of it, though it wasn’t really his fault. Zolf had woken up anyway as soon as Wilde - and the warm temperature he radiated since the resurrection a few days ago - had left the bed. Zolf watches Wilde now for a few seconds longer before going outside to join him. His newly white hair and unmarred face are a strange sight to see - but not unpleasant. Not at all.

As Zolf sits down next to him, Wilde marks his page and puts the book down. “Did I wake you up?” “Yeah, sorta.” Wilde gives a slight smile. “Sorry about that. Sassraa woke up early, very ready to make some explosions. Carter’s still fast asleep though. I thought I’d sit out here, let you get some rest.” “Don’t worry about waking me up, it gave me time to meditate.” Wilde hums in acknowledgement and gazes calmly at the garden in front of them. Zolf has noticed that Wilde has been a lot less adverse to just sitting and enjoying the silence the past couple of days, which is nice, but right now Zolf has something he wants to talk about. “I was thinking, last night. About, y’know, about us, our relationship, I guess.” Wilde turns to look at Zolf, listening. Zolf struggles on. “I- yeah. You know I’ve been trying to communicate better and whatever recently, and with the whole you being dead and then not, and me going to get you… thing. I’m figuring things out. Look- I said it yesterday, and also when I went to ask you to come back, so-” “Hm? Remind me what it was that you said, again?” “I said, y’know. That I…” Zolf doesn’t look at Wilde’s face. “Go on…” Wilde’s expression is a picture of innocence. He puts on a faux-distressed voice. “Oh, but Zolf I just can’t remember what it was that you said, I think maybe-” Zolf turns and looks Wilde right in the eyes, his face suddenly serious. “I said, Wilde, that I need you.” Wilde looks genuinely surprised. Zolf carries on. “And it’s true, I do- I do need you. And I- But this- I don’t know, this isn’t a normal… relationship, is it?” Wilde’s face falls and he looks down at the bench. “Ah. Okay. Yes, I knew we would have to have this conversation at some point.” He looks up at Zolf again. “Zolf, I don't… fall in love. I can’t, or at least I never have. I’m not in love with you now, not romantically. I never will be.“ 

And for a moment Zolf sees the Wilde from Japan, the Wilde who had been hurt and was preparing himself to be hurt again. Zolf sees Wilde closing himself off, steeling himself for the rejection he’s so sure is coming. And so Zolf reaches out. He reaches out when Wilde fully expects to be pushed away. Zolf takes Wilde’s hand, before he can touch his face where the scar used to be. Zolf wants so much to comfort Wilde, to tell him that it’s okay to not feel things the way people say is normal, that Zolf gets it; to reassure him that no matter the way they love each other, they still do, they still can and they will. But, as they often do, the right words scatter away from Zolf and so he says nothing, just holds Wilde’s hand and looks at Wilde’s face and hopes Wilde understands.

And he does.

Wilde smiles, and then pats Zolf’s hand with his free one, mirroring Zolf’s clumsy gesture from the morning before. His face is now perfectly calm, his guard seemingly let down - but Zolf can see through Wilde’s illusions, magic or no. So he pulls Wilde into a hug before the tears start. And they hold each other as Wilde cries, as he finally lets himself feel the events of the past few days: the apprehension of re-entering the wild magic; the sudden impact of the crash; his death; the blur of Zolf bringing him back; the overwhelming love he feels for Zolf; the fear of sharing a part of him that he is absolutely sure of but still is ashamed of; and the rushing relief of being accepted, of being loved back, despite - and because - of this. They hold each other for a while when everything feels a bit too much, until the clouds shift and people start to wake inside their houses, at which point they go and have breakfast.

AO3 Year In Review - 2020

I’ve seen a few of these going around so I decided to do my own!

Total fics posted: 44

Total words: 83,304

Top fandom: Rusty Quill Gaming with 29 fics!  (The Magnus Archives is in second place, with 13, and Stellar Firma and Inn Between both only had 1)

First fic posted this year: A Night Off, a Basira/Daisy/Melanie fic where they take a well-deserved break from the nonsense of the Archives.  Posted January 1, 2020, as part of a tma femslash event

Top oneshot: Accidental Confessions, where Jon is an adorable nerd who keeps casually saying “I love you” to Martin when he doesn’t intend to.  It was inspired by this amazing comic and of course the desire for more safehouse shenanigans

Top multi-chapter fic: Keeping Up with the Kobolds.  Wilde suddenly becomes responsible for a horde of kobolds who have taken up residence in the inn.  At first he hates them, but, naturally, they grow into an adorable little family.  I just love the kobolds, y’all.  Of all the fics I’ve written, this is one of my favorites.  It’s just so sweet and adorable, with cuddles and love, while still addressing the terrors that both the kobolds and Wilde have faced, but they face them together as a family.

Fic I’m most proud of: Hope on the Horizon, which was written for this year’s Rusty Quill Big Bang!  Zolf captains a privateer vessel in service to the Meritocrats with Sasha, Cel, Azu, Grizzop, Hamid, and Skraak on his crew.  They are tasked with tracking down the krakens and Shoin, saving the world and forming their own family as they go.  When I first planned this fic, I almost didn’t expect it to break the 10k word minimum, and then it clocked in at nearly 25k.  I am so proud of myself for having put all of this together, and the way it turned out is more amazing than I could have anticipated.  It’s about the drama and the found family and bringing everyone together (minus Bertie of course). 

Fic I wish got more attention: Something Like Hope.  It’s a fairytale retelling with Basira and Daisy, where Daisy is the princess trapped in a tower to protect the people from the beast she turns into at night.  Only true love can break the curse, but she is aromantic.  Basira, a knight, rescues Daisy from the tower regardless and they make their own bond and find their own love that magic can’t deny.  I Can and Will make every ship a queerplatonic relationship and I am So here for qp Dasira.  QPRs need more representation!  And it’s a twist on a fairytale so, I mean, c’mon

Favorite Quote/Passage: I have to do two, one serious and one silly, because that’s who I am as a person.

Holding Hamid in her arms feels as natural as anything at this point.  Even with bars around them, some strange figure watching them from afar, and Hamid asleep, Azu pulls him into her embrace and holds him tight.  She may not be able to get them out of this unknown quarantine, but she can protect him.

She can hold him when he’s bleeding from a fight, shaking and scared, skin covered in the faintest trace of scales.  The light of Aphrodite flows through her and into his flesh, knitting the wounds.  Though Aphrodite’s touch does nothing for Hamid’s fear, Azu’s embrace helps to wipe it away.

She can hold him when he’s drunk and exhausted from partying with goblins and orcs in the middle of Damascus.  Azu scoops Hamid up into her arms to carry him away and back to their quest, and he nestles against her, still singing along to the music in the city as he dozes off.

She can hold him when they realize they’re all that’s left now.   Sasha and Grizzop are gone.  They have their blood relations, safe and sound, but there’s another part of their family that is missing in the void, and they have no way of knowing if they’re safe, no way of finding them and rescuing them.  Azu holds Hamid tighter than ever before; she will not lose the rest of this family she’s made.

And as quarantine stretches on for a week, waiting in a dark, dingy cell, Azu holds Hamid again.  They don’t know what’s happening or what comes next, but a little hug never hurt.

From A Little Hug Never Hurt, written for Azu Week 2020

“Wait – Bathin, Bathin?”

“Yes, David, how many people have you heard of with such a stupid name?”

“He’s going to be here?”  David squeaked.  “In that room?  And we’re going to get to… talk to him?”

“Unfortunately, yes.  His smug, hideous face is going to be here and, apparently, I’m not allowed to punch clients – which was not in what I remember of the sales handbook, but they have informed me of it several times,” Trexel pondered.  “Normally, a salesperson can recuse themselves from a brief for reasons such as overwhelming hatred of the client, but!  David!  We are brave!  We are dutiful!  We will sell Bathin the best darn planet he has ever seen!  Because we are the best sales to ever sales.  David, are you listening to me?”

David broke out of his daydreaming.  The angelic face of Bathin was replaced by the sweaty face of Trexel, shouting at him and frowning.   Only a few more minutes until he would actually meet Bathin.  After so many hours of dreaming of it, it was going to happen!  With… Trexel there.  Yelling.  And being… Trexel.

From The Stuff of Daydreams, aka Give David 7 a Boyfriend 2020

Alright!  I can’t believe I wrote that many words for AO3 alone, since I post a lot of fics on my writing blog too that don’t make it there.  I didn’t complete some of the projects I wanted to this year, but I still wrote a lot more than I thought I did, and I’m proud of that at least!  2020 was a mess, but I hope that my fics might have made someone smile, because I know they kept me going during all of this.