Gortash being a highly intense person but with eerie, almost inhuman levels of self control is so interesting to me. and by interesting I mean terrifying. Like i think his genuine smile or - God Forbid - his genuine laugh would provoke a visceral fear response in the average person.

I think Aeryn sees his real smile several times but the laugh only once, when Gortash is carving his name into Aeryn’s neck. Like i think that whole thing is. maybe not a religious experience for Gortash but it’s pretty close. makes him feel emotions indescribable and with an intensity he’s never felt before and doesn’t again (until Aeryn carves out his - his - heart and hands it to him before they die in each others arms in the Astral Prism :))

but yeah just thinking about that whole scene like. goddd i WISH i had the brainpower to write it but it would be so difficult cos Aeryn’s Fully Brainwashed by Gortash at that point so it’s. weird. and i don’t know how to start lmao. so lemme just say it’s the first time Aeryn feels Gortash shake against him. maybe his voice even wavers. not from nervousness, just pure adrenaline.

which i think is why i’m so hesitant to make that the first (and if i did, the only, knowing my lack of energy) fic i write about them because they’re e both being so out-of-character in it? like i don’t want that to be the main association people have with them. i don’t know.