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vgckwb · 4 years

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P5R: Rebel Girl (A FeMC Story/P5R Rework) Chapter 12: Hungry for Answers

The door flung open at the office of Doctor Takuto Maruki. The doctor was surprised. “Um, sorry sir, but I can’t allow anyone in here without an appointment.”

Shinichi grabbed him by the lapels. “What did you do to my daughter?!”

“P-pardon?” said Maruki.

“ANSWER ME!” Shinichi demanded.

“Um, you’re going to have to be more specific,” Maruki said. “I’ve seen a number of patients, and generally speaking about half of them are female.”

Shinichi flared his nostrils. “Sumire Yoshizawa. What did you do to Sumire Yoshizawa?”

“Oh, you’re Yoshizawa’s…” Maruki said. “First off, I’d like to offer my condolences about what happened to her sister.”

“If you thought that you wouldn’t have done what you did” Shinichi said.

Maruki remained calm. “I know it might seem hard for you to understand, but try thinking about it from her perspective. Her sister is gone, and she blames herself. She felt like if she could be Kasumi she’d feel better. So I allowed her to do just that.”

This did not calm down Shinichi. “THINK ABOUT HOW I FEEL?!” he yelled. He began to cry. “I’ve already lost one daughter. I don’t need to lose another.”

Maruki realized what he was saying. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I guess there’s still more I need to learn.”

Shinichi saw Maruki humble himself. He looked him over and saw that he was genuinely disappointed. He let go of Maruki. “You’re lucky she seems to be back to her old self.” He left.

Maruki pondered what had just happened. “I guess something must have snapped her out of it. I wonder what that could be. Still, he does have a point. If I want to create a world that eliminates suffering, I need to be able to understand the broader picture. A grief-stricken father like that doesn’t deserve to feel like he’s lost more. I should write this down.”

“Don’t bother” said a voice. Maruki turned and saw a cloaked figure. “Your world will not exist anyway.”

Maruki just smiled. “Man, what is it with people barging into my office today? I’m sorry, but I’m not going to stop my work just because you told me so.”

“Very well,” said the cloaked figure. They drew their rapier and vanished. During their absence, the figure went over to the stadium, slipped into the Metaverse, and sliced the lab in two, causing it to crumble. They reappeared in front of Maruki.

Maruki looked hurt. “What did you do?”

The figure smirked. “I just chopped down your desires is all.” The figure walked out of the office.

Maruki collected himself after they left. He seemed to be struggling at first, but managed to get his strength back. “Whew. That was unusual. Hmmm. I wonder if I could ask her about that. Maybe when the time is right.”

Meanwhile, Ren was standing in front of the school gate. Morgana got a little restless. “Man, you’re dedicated,” he said. “You got here before anyone else.”

Ren smiled. “Well I just wanted to make sure Kasumi was OK,” she said. That, and that dream I had last night is still in my mind. It felt weird. She looked back at Morgana. “Hey Morgana, what do you think you’d look like as a human?”

Morgana was surprised. “Well… I’m not sure exactly. But I know I would be dashing, but not too dashing that I wouldn’t be approachable.”

“I see,” Ren said. She thought about how Morgana appeared in her dream. It sounded accurate to his description. She smirked.

Suddenly, someone hit Ren. She was confused. “Ah, I’m sorry,” said the man. Ren looked up and saw Shinichi.

“It’s fine,” Ren said.

“The bump aside, what are you doing here?” Shinichi asked. “Waiting for a friend?”

Ren got a little nervous. “Um, yeah. Her name is Yoshizawa. She collapsed yesterday. I just wanted to make sure she was alright.”

Shinichi’s eyes widened. “Oh… I’m her father actually.” Ren was taken aback. “You must you Amamiya. The nurse told me about you. Thank you for helping my daughter. ...Unfortunately, her situation got worse this morning.” Ren was worried. Shinichi smiled. “She’ll be fine. However, she will have to stay home for a few days. I’m here to inform the school, among other things.”

“I see,” Ren said.

Shinichi placed his hands on her shoulders. Ren looked up. “She’ll be delighted to know that you’re concerned about her. I’m sure that information will help her get better faster.” He let go.

Ren smiled, bowed, and said “Thank you sir. I hope Kasumi gets better soon.”

Shinichi stood there for a few moments. “Thank you,” he said.

“Well, I guess I should get to class,” Ren said. “I guess I’ll see you around.”

“Seeya,” Shinichi said. Ren headed into the building. “I should let her tell her herself.” Shinichi made his way into the school.

Throughout the day, Ren’s mind occasionally wandered to thoughts of Kasumi. Sure, her dad said she would get better, but she couldn’t help but worry. She took a breath and tried to relax. During break, she was wandering the halls and heard some truly nasty things.

“Hey, that honor student’s missing classes again today huh.”

“Man, she’s so lucky.”

“Totally. I wish I could skip school without anything bad happening.”

“I know right? Talk about special treatment.”

“How awful!” Morgana said. “Don’t they know she’s sick? It makes me so mad, right Ren?” No answer. “...Ren?”

“Stop,” Ren said.

“Huh?” Morgana replied.

“Just stop” Ren repeated.

“Hey are you listening to me?” Morgana said.

“Stop talking about her like that!” Ren quietly screamed. It appeared that someone was listening, as the world around her stopped. Ren looked around, panicking.

“Well well” said the cloaked figure “How serendipitous.”

Ren immediately went on the defensive. “What do you want?” she asked.

The figure giggled. “The same as you. I want to protect her from all of this. So here.” She offered an apple to Ren. “Take it.”

“Thanks, but you know where I stand,” Ren said.

“Oh right” the figure said. “I guess that was before for you. Meanwhile, I was just born today. Ahahahahahaha!”

Ren was confused. He regained her composure. “Why are you doing this? Why are you so interested in me?”

The figure stopped laughing. They approached Ren. “I’m doing this to stand up to those in power. To show that they can’t control us and do whatever they want.”

Ren was shaken. “Well, I agree with that sentiment, murder and destruction is the wrong way to go about it.”

“And being calm and rational will get you somewhere?” the figure asked. “Please, the only way any of you would fight back without violence is by using the metaverse.”

Ren remained steadfast. “While we have been using it to punish Kamoshida and save Shiho, I believe that we are offering a beacon of hope to those who wouldn’t be able to stand up to anyone else otherwise!”

“That’s cute. But sooner or later, order returns to those in power” the figure said. “The only way for meaningful change to occur is with pure chaos.”

“I disagree,” Ren said. “While some chaos is necessary, what you’re advocating for is similar to what we have. It’s just another system where the powerful abuse the weak. What you’re doing is changing who’s in power.”

The figure giggled. “I can see what she likes about you. And to be honest, I think I’m starting to like you too.”

Ren was confused. “Who is this ‘she’ you keep mentioning?”

“Don’t worry about that for now,” the figure said. “For now, I want to make a deal.”

“We already have a deal,” Ren said.

“I know, but another deal” the figure responded. “I love seeing you stick to your convictions. So, if you manage to hold true to them by the time we reach our dual, I will surrender fully.” Ren was shocked. “However, if there’s even a one percent chance that throughout these trials I can convince you that I may be right in some way and I defeat you in battle, you will become a servant of chaos and work with me.”

Ren. wasn’t sure what this person was doing, but Ren wasn’t one to give up on her convictions. “Deal” she said.

“Ah! Excellent!” the figure said. “I’m going to enjoy breaking you.”

“I’d like to see you try,” Ren said.

“Oooooooo. Someone’s confident” the figure said. “But I like that about you.”

Just as they were about to leave, Ren called out “Wait! Who ARE you exactly?”

“Ah, yes,” the figure said. “We did strike a deal. I guess I owe you that much. Hm. My name is Eris. Goddess of discord and disharmony. One day, I hope to turn you into a soldier of chaos.”

I am thou... Thou art I… Thou hast acquired a new vow...

It shall become the wings of rebellion that breaketh thy chains of captivity.

With the birth of the Hunger Persona I have obtained the winds of blessing that shall lead to freedom and new power.

Hunger-Eris: Rank 1

“Well, seeya” Eris said, vanishing.

The world started to move again. Ren looked around, wondering what just happened. “Ren?” Morgana asked. “Are you OK?”

“Did you see that?” Ren said.

“See what?” Morgana replied.

Ren was shocked. “Don’t tell me you stopped with the rest of the world.”

“Huh? What are you talking about?” Morgana wondered.

Ren noticed she was getting some looks. “Sorry” she said. She rushed to someplace private. She explained what happened with Eris.

“Huh. That IS interesting”Morgana said. “So we have a name, and an upgraded deal.”

“Right,” Ren said.

“We need to tell the others about this,” Morgana said.

After school, they met up on the rooftop with Ann and Ryuji. “WHAT?!” Ryuji yelled.

“Calm down Ryuji!” Ann said.

“But didn’t you hear that?” Ryuji said.

“I did. And it’ll be the last thing I hear if you continue to be loud” Ann stated.

“S-sorry” Ryuji said. “It’s just… I don’t want Ren to submit to this fiend.”

“What do you take me for?” Ren said. “I have no intention of wavering on my convictions.”

“Well, yeah, but…” Ryuji said. “Ugh, sorry. You’re right.”

Ren smiled. “It’s OK. I get it.”

“Still, if she’s confident that you would, I’d be careful” Ann said.

“Lady Ann’s right!” Morgana said. “We can’t take this lying down. We have to prove ourselves now more than ever!”

Ann giggled. “You got it Lord Morgana!”

“L-Lord Morgana? Morgana said, shocked.

“Isn’t he right, Lord Ryuji? Lady Ren?” Ann asked

“Oh” Morgana said, disappointed.

“Uhh, I don’t get all of this Lord and Lady talk,” Ryuji said, “but I’m all for proving our convictions. So let’s send that calling card!”

“Actually,” Ren said. Everyone turned to her. “I kind of want to wait a bit.”

“Huh” Ryuji said. “Well it's your call. Just know we have a time limit to uphold.”

Ren nodded. “You’re right. I'll make sure we do it before then.”

“Well, I don’t blame you” Ann said.”After what happened, I don’t know if I would have had the strength to do something like that either. Let’s go get something to eat.”

“Well, actually…” Ryuji said. “I have to run errands for my mom today. So I guess not sending the calling card worked out. You two go on ahead.”

Ann smiled. “Thanks Ryuji.”

“No problem” Ryuji replied. The four thieves left the rooftop and headed out of school.

#persona 5 #persona 5 royal #persona fanfiction #p5r #p5 femc #p5r rework #p5 rework #p5 #FeMC #female ren #ren amamiya #Yoshizawa's parents #dr maruki #morgana #ann takamaki #Ryuji Sakamoto

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artyrogue · 4 years

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Blind Date Gaming: Race Days

Oof. The perils of blind dating present themselves in the randomness of your match. Sometimes you get a win and hit it off with your date; sometimes, invariably, you get paired with a bad fit. Today's date was a major blast of the latter. But I get ahead of myself. Let's focus on what my date had to offer during our long night together.

Oh, hello there, Race Days! As the name hints, it's a racing game. Now, I'm really not much for racing games. They never clicked with me much, and thus I have little experience with them. Perhaps this title will be the one that changes my mind a bit?

So this game is actually two in one. The first game is 4 Wheel Drive, one of those first-person driving games where 60% of your action space is the dashboard of a car. At least in this game you see the track map, I guess? It's like having an oldschool GPS in your car long before Google Maps was a thing!

17th place. Because we need 18 vehicles in our racing game for some reason? What is even the color of a participation ribbon for that rank?

Well, it starts off rough. Like 4 FPS rough. You slog through the slow-updating track, driving a chunky jeep around 17 other chunky jeeps in an... err... 'adrenaline-pumping' race. Your primary salvation here is that you get on-screen cues for turns. Without that, I probably would have ended up on some toll road without cash, resulting in some passive aggressive bills being sent to me in the mail. Honestly, though, you'll be paying attention to these signals more than the road since the road blends into the offroad area pretty seamlessly. Only the crappy sound effects will tell you that you're off the pavement.

See this? There's only 1 lane here. The rest is dust or something? Good thing they painted divider lines in the desert.

The other jeeps don't present much challenge, though maybe it was because I was playing in easy mode. Hey, don't judge! I know my weaknesses and play around them! Still, they do have weird hit boxes. Or maybe it's YOUR jeep that has a weird hit box? Perhaps this truck I'm in is some weird import made to host a whole party in the back, thus it's much wider in the body. Well, whatever, this party sucks and my jeep needs to go on a diet. I guess it'll be lighter fuel from now on!

You CAN sort of total your jeep if you act like a goon and keep ramming NPCs. Hope you have good insurance!

So that's basically it, I guess. Due to time constraints, I only played one set of tracks. None of them were particularly memorable or fun to drive on. There are no real mechanics that make this game stand out unless you're looking for a racing game with invisible tracks. I did ace the cup, though, so I guess I have a new trophy at my drab-colored ranch house in the 'burbs on Minnesota (or wherever Jeep-owners usually live).

Man, Duke Nukem needs to find a tailor and should look up proper wine-bottle-toting form

Okay! On to game #2! This game is...HUAGH!

I wouldn't flaunt your graphics team here, chaps

Ohhh-kay, so that's a bold choice of visual presentation right off the bat. This beaut is called Dirty Racin', which I assume might be like Dirty Dancing? Probably doesn't have any romance though, unless it's got like Nascar fans severely crushing on Dale Earnhardt the third. Is there a third one? I assume Nascar drivers have titles like the Dread Pirate Roberts or something. Maybe not. (Apologies if I have insulted racing fans somehow; disclaimer: I'm severely out of my element here.)

Does...does the driver lie down in there? How does he even fit inside?

Like in 4 Wheel Drive, you get to choose a difficulty. After the ease of Jeep Racing Simulator 2000, I decided to be adventurous and go with 'Hazardous'. I don't want to disappoint the cool dude on the options screen who is constructed out of straight lines by choosing easy mode. But wow, that guy is entirely made out of straight lines. The art team here clearly earned their keep.

It takes almost a full bottle of gel every morning to get his bangs at perfect angles like that

So what's this racing game about? Overhead racetracks, apparently. It's you and 3 other cars on a bunch of different tracks, trying your best to outmaneuver each other for a coveted first place victory. Unfortunately, there's only 2 lanes of space, though, so you end up colliding with your opposition all over the place.

Luckily for me, the first couple races just require you to not get last place. I hate the controls in games like this, so I am naturally terrible at this game. I pull through and squeak a third place due to dumb luck, though. Then I'm greeted by some amazing sex idol racing queen that is in no way poorly drawn and clearly epitomizes the breast part about racing. I mean best part. Best part! She offers me car upgrades with the coins I found lying along the racetrack. Let's ignore how a speeding car can safely pick up these caches of money.

Uhh, hey pumpkin, can you move your elbow there? What are you even leaning on?

After this, I travel to the next event, which is a series of 3 races. I have to place first overall to win and unlock more tracks on the map. Okay! Let's do this!

Mmyep, I got 4th place each time. Ok, try again!

...Alright, once more! I think I have the hang of things a bit! I got third once!

Nope, this bites

After a series of horrible losses, I tried to back out and see what else I could play. I mean, there was a second direction to go; maybe the other track is better? But no, the game over screen only lets you try the same race again or quit entirely. So you either have to grind it out and win on that specific map or you have to start over from the beginning. Excellent news. Well, I opted to flee and try a lower difficulty. Surely I can make some ground h-

Yeah, screw this game

I gave up after noticing the AI isn't remotely different in the lower difficulty. Moreover, I started fuming and compounding a list of things I hate about this game! What a joy to be spending time with it. Please let me rant and release this pent up anger. It's therapeutic and I need to vent worse than a racecar with an overheating engine.

All opponents have better handling and stats than you. You need to upgrade your car to even be at the same level as them.

All bumps, be they into walls or other cars, up your damage meter; more damage means a malfunctioning car. You CAN get damage fixed after a race for cash, but doing so pretty much depletes your funds and you get no upgrades. Which means you're STILL at a disadvantage over your opponents.

You always start at fourth place. This means you have to contend with 3 other cars hogging the road space, blocking you and making it hard to get a foothold.

You can't replay levels you beat. This means no grinding for coins or leveling up.

There are only two single races available at the start, both of which have the low bar of making third or higher. After doing those, you MUST do a 'win 1st place in these three races' level to progress.

You can activate nitro for a quick boost, but it's pretty useless since the AI almost immediately activates their own and overtakes you with their better handling and blocking.

Opponents seem to gain higher speed if they're behind you. Like, their non-nitro max speed actually increases, so they easily overtake you.

You can bump into special flashing walls for powerups, but some of them are useless. The best one gives you superspeed for the rest of the match, but it's so fast I can't control it well. I just ended up bumping into walls like mad and upping my damage, all the while having the AI overtake me anyway.

Whew. So there's that embarrassment. I'm sure some of you are laughing at me since this game is probably child's play, but I just can't do it. The GameFAQs guide even says that all difficulty modes are super-easy, so it must just be me. I never got higher than third place. In the end, this was a steaming pile of garbage for me that I wouldn't date again if it was the last form of entertainment left in the world. Not even Upgrade Lady can sway my decision to let this one die forever in a horrible roadside crash. (Okay, so that definitely offended some of you; apologies again!) Take this Sprite of Passage and forget about this game forever. Don't worry, it deserves it.

what else did you expect to be the Sprite of Passage?

#blinddategaming #racedays #gameboy

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perdizzion · 7 years

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I just happen to stumbled upon ur account and saw that you'll be quitting med school. I have a dilemma that I want to share with someone. Im a newly enrolled first yr med student and classes just started a week before. But I'm starting to form some doubts whether I really want to be a doctor or not. Its not that I cant handle the academics its just that do i really see myself being a doctor in the future and actually feel happy about it.

I dont even know if being a doctor is my dream anymore or just my parent’s.

Hiya! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, anon! I don’t know if my answer will help you or not, but I will try to do my ABSOLUTE BEST to reply!!

Ok so. Med school. Tricky stuff. I’ll tell you a little bit about my background and what I’m up to right now to give you a Good Feel about how things are going after the decision I’ve taken and whatnot.

I got into med school about 4 and a half years ago, and like any student who worked their asses off for their desired universities’ entrance exams, I was beyond ecstatic when I found out that I had gotten in. I started attending lectures, group discussions, student projects, and for the first few years, I felt like hey, I think I can actually do this! The exams were pretty tough, I can’t say I liked pharmacology and neurology, but I passed just fine and so I thought that things were going to be fine.

[Narrator voice] things were, in fact, not fine.

I started having doubts around..3rd year, I think? Everything just started to become so dull no matter how much free time I was using to do my hobbies (drawing and doing art in general) and I think that was when my depression started to really rear its ugly head. I started to miss classes, isolate myself from my friends, stay in bed all day, and the only people that had kept me sane were my family and a few close friends of mine telling me to take care of myself when I was too depressed to do so. I tried thinking about whether I’ll be happy being a doctor in the future, and then I noticed that I couldn’t even imagine myself in a white coat, working in a clinic and talking to a patient.

This is when I finally realized that all this time, my wanting to go to med school wasn’t even because it was my dream. It was my parents’.

I struggled a lot to get through some of the days, but I managed to keep up the facade in front of my uni friends until I finished 4th year and received a “degree”. (In Indonesia, finishing 4th year of med school grants you a “bachelor of medicine” though you can’t really use it for anything yet until you’ve finished 2 more years of clerkship and get a “dr” in front of your name).

Clerkship happened after 4th year. If I had to use one word to describe clerkship, it would be hellish. I don’t know if this is how it works in every country, but in Indonesia, clerkship demands med students to attend hospital shifts with inhuman amount of working hours. We had to do 36 hour shifts every twice a week, and 9 hour shifts every other day. This might sound pretty light to some people, but it was super tough for me what with the amount of additional assignments and exams that we still had to do during our rotations.

After 2 months of clerkship, my depression grew so much worse to the point where my best friend (bless her heart) had to call me almost everyday to help me sleep at night because the thoughts in my head wouldn’t leave me alone. Finally, I called my sister who lives in a different city to fly to where I was living in to take me to see a psychiatrist. It didn’t help because my doctor was super shitty about my condition (“all med students experience depression at one point because med school is just that hard, don’t worry, I’ve been there”) but I did take the meds. And I was planning to carry on with clerkship, until one day the meds gave me orthostatic hypotension (it was one of the side effects of the drug that I was taking) and I fainted in the middle of a surgery. When my mom (who lives in another city) found out about this, she was livid. She flew to my place right on that exact same day to take care of me, though she hadn’t known about my depression yet at the time.

The next day, I told her everything. Like, everything. About how med school had truly been stressing me out, about how I didn’t feel like med school was the right place for me anymore, about how clerkship had been making me feel like I was a worthless piece of shit because the doctors kept yelling at me, about how clerkship had also been making me realize that I wasn’t good with patients and that their lives are literally in my hands and that a single mistake could lead to their death and how I could never live with that much guilt in my life, about how I was so tired of being too sleep-deprived to properly function everyday, let alone to stitch a patient’s cut-up hand back together.

I told her that I wanted to quit. And so I did.

And you know what? It feels amazing.

I’ve been sleeping regularly for the past few months. I get to draw everyday now, and still make money out of doing commissions. I interact with my family a lot more and I don’t check up on them only when I need them to transfer me some money to buy food. I eat three meals a day like a normal human being and it feels so, so good. I applied for a scholarship so I could earn a Master’s degree in biomedicine abroad (it’s not art school, which is where I actually want to go to, but it’s not med school either so I’ll take it), I passed the first stage and now I’m just trying to do my best to pass the next two stages so I could get a full-ride.

Things are okay. Things are good.

Things haven’t always been good, of course. People tell me that I was “so close to reaching my dreams!”, that my parents “must be so shattered to hear that you wanted to quit!”, that I am just “wasting away my potential.” My grandparents called me a disappointment a few weeks ago while telling me that I should just give up on my scholarship application and go back to med school. My dad told me that he wished I could “go back to the way I was and be happy again.” My mom cried multiple times. It hasn’t been easy on my mental health, but honestly? Fuck it. Fuck every single guilt-trip that my parents have had to put me through. Fuck everyone at uni who’s been spreading false rumors about how I quit med school because “I got cancer” or “I got knocked up.”

I absolutely hated how the doctors did anything back in the hospital. The rich patients got immediate treatment, and the poor got dismissed. The mentally ill were mocked behind closed doors, and med students were treated like trash. Rooted seniority where the senior doctors hazed junior doctors were still a thing (in Indonesia, at least). Literally everyone in the hospital had a superiority complex and I fucking hated it. Neither my parents nor my grandparents will have to be the ones to experience this on a daily basis for years though, so fuck outta here with your negative comments about my decision.

I quit med school because I did it for me, and only me.

This is by no means supposed to scare you away from med school just so you could jump into my bandwagon, heck no. I’m telling you this because nobody told me that this could be a possibility. Everybody I knew kept telling me that the only thing you’ll need to succeed med school is firm determination and hard work, and while that may be true for some people, I required a lot more than that, like a stable mental health, a good support system, etc. I failed to meet these requirements, and so everything turned into a shipwreck for me. My other friends, however, who were well-prepared with all of these, are managing to continue med school just fine.

That being said, this answer is definitely supposed to make you think about your decision more thoroughly. One of the most often things that people tell me post-med school is that “you should’ve quit earlier if you hadn’t liked it; it would’ve saved you a lot of time.” I hate the fact that I agree with this. If I had quit years ago, I would’ve still had time to search for a school that was more relevant to my interests and start over from a blank slate. If I had quit years ago, I would’ve been able to graduate from a new school and earn an actual proper job by now so I could help my parents out with our finance. Of course, my parents would’ve been way more harsh on me if I had told them that I wanted to quit so early on, but if you own the privilege of having parents that would genuinely and willingly listen to you, please talk about it with them. I had a friend who quit med school around a few months before 1st year ended; he’s in business school now and from what I’ve heard, he’s pretty happy with where he is right now.

Whew, that was long. I swear I didn’t mean for it to be this long!! Let me know if any of that helped or if you just want to talk off anon with me in general! I know firsthand how this kind of dilemma can eat you up whole, and it’s not a fun experience, so just hmu if you want to chat

Have a nice day!!

#THIS GOT SO LONG OMG LKSDJFSD IM SO SORRY #I GOT CARRIED AWAY #i just....really wanted to explain everything as descriptive as possible #so i could help at least a little bit #aAAA #anonymous #answers

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