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my-brothers-corrupted · 4 years

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My Brothers, Corrupted

Chapter Three : Section Six : Old Friends

Chapter One l Chapter Two l Chapter Three

Red is beginning to crumple under the pressure he puts on himself to take care of Dapper and the stress of being away from his siblings and Anti, but a new sliver of hope arrives in the form of someone who remembers his name. While Doktor has a breakthrough about the way he thinks of himself and his family, Trick is only being drawn closer to Anti as the days go by.

Trigger warnings in this chapter for serious discussions about abusive relationships, emotional manipulation, meltdown/panic attack, vomit, and police chase, including gunshot and injury warnings. Jackie’s meltdown in particular is very intense, so please be careful.

Section Six of Chapter Three: Old Friends

spicydanhowell asked: personally, i'd like to stay here and chat with him, red

The door and the handcuff on it jingle softly as Red returns, unlocking his makeshift cage and pushing into the door, his eyes low and tired and ashamed.

He’s dripping wet and his sweater stinks like filthy pollution rain. He throws it off as soon as he’s in the door and gives a long, deep sigh.

“Dap, how are you - oh.”

His little brother is asleep. Red gives up the ghost and shucks off the rest of his clothes, leaving him in his boxers. Wet fabric is horrible, horrible, horrible against his skin. He sits down on the end of Dapper’s bed and strokes his hair for a second, checking for life in him.

“Chat with him, huh?” mumbles Red. “Talk about something good?”

He’s distant and thoughtful, chewing on a hangnail, a couple bags at his side.

Anonymous asked: Red, the magicians have specifically said that they understand that you have killed the other but are willing to provide refuge for you to protect you. They only want to keep you safe, not letting past events get in the way of this

“Ah,” sighs Red. “Well, that’s… nice of them.”

He stares at the floor.

“Sorry… I know you want to help. I just can’t stop thinking about that house… and how everything was perfect. And it’s like even if I could get away from Anti…”

He laughs to himself, shaking his head, rolling his eyes, rubbing rainwater from his soaked face.

“I can’t get that back. I don’t know what it is to be actually happy anymore.”

He’s silent for a long moment, those faraway eyes fixed on the wall.

“Saw someone today,” he mumbles. “He reminded me of…. someone. But I didn’t know who. Someone important. But I couldn’t remember.”

Anonymous asked: Red, do you actually want to go back to Anti? After everything you saw when you went back in time? I don’t think you want Anti, I think he’s the only thing you’re used to and that’s why you want to go back. You want to go back to what was normal. Which is perfectly fine, but you know it’s going to be bad if you do Red. It’s never going to get better. You wanted to get better, right? If you go back to the environment that Anti built for you you’ll fall back in line again and everything you (1/?)

Red’s mouth starts trembling by about the third line, and by the time he gets to the end of the message, he’s holding his cold bare shoulders and rocking a little, deep, mourning sighs falling out of his mouth as he tries not to cry again. He cries so much lately. He’s just sad, he doesn’t mean to.

What if the only reason he wants to go back to Anti really is that it’s the only thing he knows? Is that why seeing the house changed everything for him?

“No, no,” he groans, rubbing at his face. “I… I’m supposed to be with Anti. We all are. He’s what makes us all who we are. And I - I’m big brother, that’s what I am, I’m Anti’s. If I’m not that, then…”

He clutches at his shoulders, gritting his teeth.

“I can’t start wanting this,” he hisses. “I can’t! It would make it too hard to go back to him. And I have to. I have to see the others again. I have to go back to that. It’s where I’m supposed to be. He told me…”

A moment passes. Dapper’s clock ticks.

“How would I even get away from him if I wanted to?”

Anonymous asked: You were big brother long before Anti had you.

Red’s mouth tightens with the guilt of it.

“Not a good one, then.”

He glances over at Dapper, underfed and pale, hungry and hallucinating on the shittiest motel mattress in the world, bed bugs eating away at him, old scars patterning his chest like latticework.

“If Anti really is bad,” he says slowly. “And he tricked us… I let them all be tricked. I didn’t protect them. Did I? Even now, I can’t take care of him.”

He glances at his gatherings from the day. He wanted to get rice or ramen, but they have no boiling water anyway. He has a Subway sandwich he got out of the trash and some expired bread he bought. But he didn’t steal anything. He knows the cops will be closing in and he’s afraid.

“I need help,” he says. “I need help. I can’t do this anymore.”

Anonymous asked: *softly* Red, if Anti was right outside that door would you open it? After everything you’ve learned? Would you let him back in your life because you’re scared or because you love him?

Red grits his teeth tight in his mouth, a flush of fear coming to his face.

“Look, I just… I can’t live without Anti. I’ll go to prison. I could starve. Dapper could die, sick as he is. Yes, I’d open it. I have to.”

He rubs at his face and then laughs, cold in the little room.

“Anyway… Anti doesn’t knock.”

Anonymous asked: It’s okay, Red, we can help. The magicians can help if you’re willing. Although we need to talk to them first before we can give you anymore information.

“Scared of magicians,” mumbles Ro. “I just want to go back to that house.”

Anonymous asked: hey, magicians!! dok!!! JJ and red!!!!! there’s been a fuck up!!!! stay the fuck away from the church okay!!! anti knows, you gotta get the fuck outta there

Rojo blinks, staring at you.

“Whoa, whoa, hold on - Anti knows where we are? Is he coming to get us?”

He looks back at Dapper again, a light coming on in his eyes.

“He has medicine and food and stuff? Where? The church?”

—————————————–

You find Dok walking stiffly down one of the yellow corridors with Genesis and JP talking calmly to him, leading him onward, out of his room. At the beeping of the message, Genesis flicks out her phone.

“Oh, no,” she says, her face falling.

“What?” asks JP.

Genesis turns and looks at them, putting a hand on Dok’s shoulder. He’s holding his favorite book in one hand, apparently for comfort. The Bridge of San Luis Rey. By Thornton Wilder. Set in Lima, Peru. Trick bought it for him in Norway. He knows the whole thing by heart.

“Let’s go sit down with the others and talk about it,” she says. “We all need some breakfast, huh, Wilder?”

bupine asked: heyyy, magicians. i'll cut right to the chase. i accidentally kinda gave the demon the location of the place you planned to meet red and dapper. i was giving the location to blue and trick, because trick seemed to be coming around to the idea of running away from anti and i wanted to help get them all together again. but trick was anti in disguise, and i didnt know until it was too late. i think he's coming to where you are. i'm so sorry, i really didn't know!

The magicians are having the same breakfast they always do - cheap, warm rolls with butter, cheese, ham, and apricot jam. Coffee, water, apples, and plates and silverware coat the white tablecloth of the long table, and by the time Genesis sits down, you are a part of the chatter and bustle of all of it. The three children you saw earlier are fighting over the last piece of cheese on their side of the table, Juana and Nina chat gently, JP wheels into place too hard and makes the whole table shake, and Genesis punches Hermann’s shoulder as she sits down beside him, making him laugh. The Old Man is sitting beside Emmanuela on the other end of the table and his eyes narrow coldly at Dok.

“Want to sit here, Wilder?” asks Hermann, patting his other side, and Dok slinks slowly down, ashen. Hermann passes him food and coffee to keep him distracted and begins chattering about his book to keep the conversation light.

“Actually,” Genesis cuts him off, her voice low with disappointment. “I, uh. Think there’s something everybody needs to know. Emmanuela?”

Emmanuela glances at you and pulls out her own phone, checking the system. For just a second, she closes her eyes, but then she has put the phone down again, and her face is calm.

“Well,” she says. “The more people know a secret, the more difficult it is to keep.”

“What?” asks Dok, frowning. “What is it?”

“We had told your brothers they could meet us at a place in town if they wanted to,” says Hermann. “But now it looks like the monster found out.”

Dok drops his knife.

hollenka99 asked: The church is going to be compromised. Anti has been reading some of our messages and discovered the plan. Is there anywhere else you could pick up the two brothers who are still on the continent if they wanted to come?

“I’d drive to get someone,” offers JP.

“No,” says Emmanuela. “You must continue searching for a way to help the sick magician.”

“No point,” scoffs the Old Man, smearing jam over his roll. He chooses to speak in Spanish and your translation software buzzes back to life. Dok shrinks away from his gaze. “I’ve told you already, magic that is stolen like that cannot return the same way it went out. A part of him is missing; he will be crippled for the rest of his life.”

“There might be other ways to return his strength or his magic to him,” insists JP, frowning. “Or even just to ease his pain.”

“I’ll go,” says Nina.

“You’ll risk nothing with the baby in your stomach. It’s pointless anyway, they’d have to be in Peru, in our jurisdiction. Some of our surrounding neighbors were not so amicable to the idea of us taking in those who helped the monster burn part of the forest down and kill more than one magician that night. If they are not in Peru and not willing to come back to us, we can’t help. And now, Peru might not be safe…”

She looks over at Doktor. His fists are bunched tightly in his white coat. He stares at his butter.

“You can’t move him,” says Nina, in Spanish too. “He hasn’t even adjusted to this place yet. He barely trusts us, let alone other magicians who might be angry at him for what the monster did to the jungle. His anxiety is too high even as it is and I don’t trust anyone else to look after him. He has to stay here, Mama.”

Anonymous asked: Red if you go back to Anti you will never make it to that house again. The magicians can help you, really, they’ve promised not to hurt any of you and they’d give you space and freedom that you’ve never had before. It’ll be the closest thing to “that house” at this moment. I know it’s scary but I promise they are good people with an abundance of compassion.

“Well,” sighs Red, rubbing the back of his neck. “Doesn’t sound like that’s an option now anyway.”

Just about starved, he reaches for the wrapped up sandwich and begins to pull the paper off, hoping to find that it isn’t gross from the trash. Luckily it was wrapped up tight and it looks fine, just badly burnt on one side, which is probably why it got chucked.

“Ugh, tuna,” he grumbles, but he isn’t really in a position to complain. He pulls off his half of the sandwich and begins to eat, and a moment later, there is a small white hand sneaking towards the other half of it.

Red can’t help but laugh. “You can take it, it’s for you.”

But Dapper doesn’t smile back at him even as he takes the sandwich and grabs it to his chest, glaring around the room, his face twitching badly, his eyes constantly flickering up to the lights. Up, up, up.

“Something up there?” asks Red, trying to be gentle.

“Locked me in my room,” growl Dapper’s hands. “Angry.”

“Alright,” grumbles Red, turning away from him before he can get pissed. Dapper gives a little gasp as something grabs his ankle, but when he pulls his foot out of the blankets, there’s nothing there. He stares sorrowfully down at his tuna and clicks for attention.

“What?”

“Maggots!”

Red looks at his sandwich.

“No, there aren’t. It’s tuna. You’re seeing things. Please eat it. You need to get some strength back.”

Dapper gags and sets it down, watching the meat writhe. Red sighs.

cest-mellow asked: magicians, when this gets to you, anti knows about the church and he knows you guys are in lima still

“He knows where I am,” mumbles Dok, barely loud enough for anyone to hear him, clutching at his coat. “He knows I’m here, he’ll come get me.”

He chew on his lip for a second, his eyes foggy with the shock of it.

“Santo Domingo,” he mumbles to himself, holding his book tight to his chest.

Anonymous asked: Hey dok how are you handling things right now?

He is not going to cry at the breakfast table. He is not going to cry in front of strangers. He is gripping his coffee cup very tight.

“I want,” he says, with a strong voice but weak air. “To see Trick again.”

Emmanuela nods at Hermann, who leaves your view for a moment and comes back with a tray. Genesis starts loading Dok’s breakfast onto it and Dok is grateful for the permission to flee, even if he only got here a minute ago. Before they have everything ready for him, he has already run away, back to his room, where he always stays.

Nina gets to her feet. Everyone looks at her.

“What?” she says. “He’s already freaked out. Might as well go ahead and do that check-up I’ve been thinking about.”

“Oh, Nina, be gentle with him,” groans Hermann.

“Being gentle is all well and good for a while,” she says, following after him. “But sometimes if you want to set a bone back in place, you have to shove real hard.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Magicos, please be cautious with Dok. He can have quite the temper when he snaps.

“Oh, a temper, huh?” says Nina, putting up her chin. “I hope he comes at me. I’ll kick his stubborn little teeth in. No, I don’t mean that. But he better not try anything!”

She heads down the corridor that leads to his room, her med bag thrown over her shoulder.

“You know, I was married before JP,” she says. “And he was an ass. But I wouldn’t leave him. He got worse and worse as the years went on and I wouldn’t leave him. Because I loved him and he was all I knew and it was just too much, to admit that I had been that wrong about him in the first place. Eventually it was JP who pounded it into my head that he was a shitbag. I was furious with him at the time - cut him out of my life, actually. But he told me the truth when no one else could, and because of that, I was finally able to…”

She’s stopped outside Dok’s open door.

One of the backpacks is missing and he isn’t inside.

“Oh, fuck,” she says. “Just like that, huh?”

Anonymous asked: Magicians, ever since the demon stole Marvin's magic, he's becoming physical. He has actual blood now. He's becoming corporeal. It may be a stretch, but I think, maybe if you team up with tons of you, you can actually kill him. Maybe start planning for something big. He's headed your way, he thinks two of the brothers will be at the church. Don't send your men there. Stay hidden until there's a more concrete plan.

“Don’t think I don’t see these too,” snarls Dok, his breathing shaky and afraid. He’s moving swiftly down past a great white wall. “You and them - you’re going to hide me from Anti and hurt him if he comes for me!”

immabethehero asked: Hermann, Genesis? Anti, the demon with the magician's magic, knows where dok is. he knows where red and dapper are too. you might wanna find them before anti finds you both

“Oh, he knows where the others are too?” worries Juana from the other side of the table. “He will snatch them up again. How are we to - ”

“Hey,” shouts Nina, reappearing in the dining room. “He made a run for it just like that. Let’s get up and grab him before he goes far.”

“He won’t make it anywhere,” says JP, blinking. “Sure you don’t want to just let him tire himself out trying to find a way to escape?”

“He’s cleverer than you think he is,” warns Nina, her eyes flashing. “And I’m worried about what he might do to himself trying to get out.”

“Go look for him,” says Emmanuela. “But be careful. He is not a large man, or a particularly strong one, and I wouldn’t even call him a fighter - but sometimes, men like that must learn ferocity to make up for it. You don’t know where his head is. Go.”

Anonymous asked: H, what are you doing?

“Where are Red and Dapper?” he says, ignoring you. “Close? Are they safe? Could I get to them by bus? Do they know about the church yet? We’ll have to pick somewhere else since the magicians now about that one. Depending on where they are there are several places we could choose. I’ve been here too long. I’ve been here much too long. Complacent! What would Trick think if he knew I’d just been waiting? That I’ve abandoned him, most likely! No more. Time to go. It was stupid of me to wait here.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Dok, no one is going to hurt you...well, except for Anti who WILL when you get back.

“I don’t care,” snarls Dok. “I don’t care. That’s my family. That’s where Trick is, and Blue, who needs me, he’s ill. And the others will all be there. You think I don’t know Anti hurts me? Anti’s always hurt me. Me and Trick, we linger at the edges of his affection. Trick’s always striving for it, but me - ”

His eyes shine with moisture. His mouth trembles but his voice does not.

“I know my place. I know who I’m supposed to be. And a spoiled little hideaway - eating jam and rolls while my brothers struggle without me to look after them - no, that is not who I am. Let Anti torture me. He knows where we stand. I don’t care about him.”

But this only deepens the hurt in his eyes.

“I don’t, I don’t! I can live without him loving me! I can, I can! I accepted it a long time ago, so why does it never stop burning in me like this? I have to take care of the others. No one can take care of me. It’s not who I am and it never will be. I belong at the bottom of the pack!”

Anonymous asked: Dok please don’t leave

“Stupid magicians,” laughs Dok, almost wild with it, his face burning as he moves, approaching a high black gate. “That’s what they get for all eating together. For all being equals. If it was my home, Trick would be guarding and no one would escape.”

He leaps onto the black gate and, with a dexterity you’ve only seen Red embody, he begins to hoist himself up, pressing his feet against the slick bars of the gate and reaching up for the bar at the top.

“I know something magical hides this place,” he murmurs, his eyes flashing. “I hear the way they talk. My memory is perfect. I’ll figure it out. They can’t keep me here. I am Anti’s brother and Red’s and Dapper’s. I am sly and strong and crafty too. I can be everything I need to be. You have to be, in my family, or you’ll regret it.”

Anonymous asked: Dok then convince your brothers to come to the magicians! It’s safe with them you know that!

“They don’t like Anti! They’ll hurt him! He’s a part of me! He made me what I am! I’m nothing if I’m not with him.”

His hands reach the bar on top and he throws himself over the side, tearing a deep line in his beautiful white coat and gasping as it bruises hard along his ribs.

“Fuck!” he wails, grabbing his side, but it’s just pain, and pain for Anti’s sake, and how many times has it been pounded into his head that that is worth it, worth it, worth it, deserved. Your fault. You shouldn’t have let her grab you in the first place, Doktor. You shouldn’t have let yourself be stolen when your family needed you. He needs someone to punish him. He needs Anti.

bupine asked: henrik, no one deserves to be treated like shit. none of you should be "bottom of the pack", you should be equals. that's how family is supposed to be. you and your brothers deserve so much better than that.

“I could have run any time I wanted to,” says Dok, and his voice shatters, but he’s still trying to keep running, out into woods now, great woods of flowering trees. “I could have! Blue pulled me down to the beach. He doesn’t remember but I do. I was never strong enough to fight Anti. I’m not strong enough to be alone. I don’t know why I don’t leave him! I don’t know! I don’t want to have to think about it anymore! It’s not fair! I’m so fucking good for him!”

He screams and his feet fail him and he crashes to the ground for a second, stone grinding against his skin as he cries out. He can hear someone shouting behind him.

“I’m good, I’m good, I’m good all the time! I’m not disobedient, I don’t fail him! I don’t ask for things! I don’t complain! I’m good but I’m still not enough! If I was enough he wouldn’t treat me that way! That’s why I’m at the bottom, there’s something wrong with me.”

He screams again, striking a tree as he rises and keeps running.

“I don’t deserve to be free or treated well. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. But if there wasn’t something there, he wouldn’t treat me like this. He would love me like he loves Dapper. He doesn’t. So I deserve it. I deserve it! I have to be better. Maybe if I come back to him he’ll be pleased with me. But even if he doesn’t, I know I’ll keep bearing it. I don’t know why! I don’t know!”

asexualzucchini asked: Jackie, Henrik, JJ, anti is physical. He can be hurt now

Doktor nearly stumbles back down to the earth again, his breath catching in his throat, crashing into a tree and coming to a halt, panting.

“Anti is what?”

——————-

Ro’s head whips up, alarmed. “I’m - what did you say? That’s not possible. That’s not what Anti is.”

Dapper is staring at his own hands, confused.

“Physical…? Lastingly?”

“That’s why he can’t find us,” gasps Red, rising to his feet. “He can’t just zap over here and look!”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Guys, he would have found you by now if he wasn't physical. He can't find any of you without access to a computer.

Red stalks around the motel room, chewing on the hangnail again, thinking, while Dapper watches him and the monsters swirling around him with big tired eyes. He is holding his bear close to his ear so he can hear it better when it speaks.

“You know what this means, right?” says Red. “We have to find a way to tell him where we are without him tracking exact signals. We have to cause a scene. I need to go out again. I - I’m going to get in a fight with the cops! Then he’ll know exactly where we are! And even if I get arrested, he’ll come take care of you!”

“I was not,” Dapper is signing to his bear, apparently cross. “And I didn’t - no! None of you ever listen to me. Of course, but that’s just what dead things do.”

Red isn’t watching him. He’s tugging back on his soaked clothes and shoving the rest of his sandwich into his mouth.

Anonymous asked: Red what the fuck? That’s the worst idea! No! Don’t do that! What are you thinking?

“Then Anti will know where we are!” he says, panting a little. “It’ll be in police records, news, things he can access from far away, without having to be right here! And he’ll know exactly where we are and when he comes back he’ll be able to find Dap and maybe me too if I get away. Dap, I’ve got the room for a couple more nights, so you can just sit tight here, right?”

“Red is going to lock me in again!” cries Dap to his bear, and crumples back onto the bed with real distress.

“Hopefully I’m back in an hour or two, but if not, Anti will come scoop you up and then everything will be okay.”

“Just trying to sacrifice himself so he feels like he’s my hero! Stupid Red! Don’t leave me here! I want to go with you!”

“Dapper, no.”

“Better fighter than you are!”

“No, you are not!”

Dapper is sitting ram-rod straight on his bed suddenly, his blue eyes flashing.

“Beat you. Gas station. Beat you.” He pauses and blinks and then whirls on his bear. “No, I don’t want to do it again!”

Red shrinks slightly away from him, startled.

Anonymous asked: Henrik, you think Anti loves Dapper? Really? You think he loves the one he infantillizes, the one he locks away, the one he isolates from the rest of you, only to let him out when he can kill someone in Anti's name? That's not love. Anti doesn't love Dapper, or you, or any of your brothers. Everything he's ever done has proven that.

Doktor tries to push himself back up and keep going, grabbing at his face for a second, coughing.

“He… he beats Dapper and locks him in. Sometimes I hear his little nails scraping against the door. And he wants to be with the rest of us, but that’s not… Anti can’t just be - ! Please, stop saying these things! I can’t stay here any longer, I’m beginning to wish I could stay…”

He shoves himself onward, racing through the trees, until he sees the end of them, and pushes through at last, revealing the -

Exact… same convent he just escaped from?

“Wilder!” calls Hermann, opening the black gate he leapt over, except now it’s on the right side of the building instead of the left. Doktor blinks, aghast. “Come back, please! You’ll just exhaust yourself!”

Doktor backs away towards the woods again, panting. He needs to hide, then, if running won’t work!

spicydanhowell asked: Red. I say this lovingly when I say: Get your head out of your ass. Anti is physical, and stealing Blue's magic is tearing him apart. He is too sick to hunt you down. If you get yourself locked up, you will just rot in prison. Anti could easily die in the state he's in right now. And then where will we be? You'll be behind bars, and Dap will either be kidnapped or arrested or murdered or hospitalized or something if he doesn't just die alone without you. Please just do what's right for Dapper.

“I can’t do anything right for Dapper!” shouts Red, slamming his hand against the wall and then regretting it, immediately, when it makes Dapper jolt. “I’m sorry.”

Dapper turns away from him and curls up in his bed.

“I… don’t have to get into a fight, per say,” decides Red, rubbing his hands along his wrists, trying to calm himself down. “But he can’t go on like this. I’m breaking into a pharmacy. Dap, I’m going to go now, before they talk me out of it. I’ll come back with antipsychotics or I won’t come back. Okay? It’s my job to take care of you.”

“We used to be equals,” moan Dapper’s hands frailly. “We used to look after each other.”

He buries his face in his pillow, and so it is that Red misses the faint silver light coming back to his eyes.

“I’ll get you help tonight, bud. Something has to change. We can’t go on like this. Goodbye, Dap.”

He’s shoving his bag back into order already, refusing to so much as look at Dap. Refusing to listen.

Dapper shivers and holds himself. A million voices are laughing at him. The great time traveler, helpless again, alone as always.

“He’ll come back,” hisses Dapper, tears and anger welling in his eyes as his hands flash. “I will make him come back if I have to. I am an adult. I get to make choices too! He’s right about one thing - something has to change tonight. I’ll show him, if he won’t listen. I’ll show him!”

The clock in his hand is burning so hot you see his palms turn black.

Red scoops up the camera and leaves, locking the door behind him.

Anonymous asked: You will not be able to help your brothers like this. Anti will more than likely tear you all apart from each other the minute he finds you all. You won’t be able to take care of anyone like that. If you brought them to the magicians you’d be able to do your job with an abundance or resources at your disposal. Think about this Henrik, please.

You sit with Henrik curled beneath a bush. He’s grabbing at his head, rocking himself a little, wishing for Trick.

“No, I hate this,” he cries.

The birds are singing and the sun is clear and everything smells of flowers.

“I hate being with strangers instead of my family. I hate that no one here understands. I hate that I have to struggle with this! I don’t want to! It’s too hard, I can’t do it! You don’t know how fucking badly it will hurt. I can’t just accept this - that so much of my life has been a lie. That so much of it has just been a humiliation!”

He is weeping into his hands. Into his coat. Into the earth.

“It can’t be true,” he sobs. “It’s too horrible. I don’t want it to be true. I’m not strong enough. I think about it all the time. You don’t understand. I can’t stop thinking about everything he’s done to me and telling myself - no, no, I must be remembering it wrong, or I must have deserved it, or - ”

“Weird how abuse works, isn’t it?”

Dok chokes and whirls, turning to see Genesis standing a few feet away, kicking up the dust around her feet, leaning against a tree.

“How did you - ”

“Transportation, remember? I just checked about every spot in the forest. You aren’t great at hide and seek, are you, medico?”

Dok rubs hastily at his face. Just one more humiliation.

“I wasn’t… I’m not… I’m not abused. I’m not. He can’t have.”

Genesis lets out a long sigh, and then she glances at you.

“You guys have internet, right? Can you tell me some of the symptoms of abusive relationships?”

“Don’t,” croaks Dok. “Don’t…”

“If it’s not true, you don’t have anything to worry about, do you?”

Anonymous asked: H, you can stay. Just give the magicians a chance. You don’t have to figure out or unravel every inch of your trauma tonight but you can go back and figure it out bit by bit with help. It’s okay to want something that Anti does not, it does not make you incompetent or disobedient. You are allowed to make your own choices, you are an adult and you are free.

“No,” mumbles Doktor, exhausted. “No. No more middle ground. I can’t bear the back and forth. Either he hates me or he loves me. Either I must be trying to get back to him or I must be staying here. All week I’ve been ‘bit by bit.’ And yes, wanting something Anti doesn’t want… that would be disobedience. I disobey or I run back to him.”

Hermann, panting, has caught up to Genesis, and when he catches sight of Dok he rushes forward to help. But his friend’s hand comes out to stop him, holding him back.

“Give him a moment,” says Genesis. “Give him a moment. Wilder, you already know what the truth is.”

Dok shakes his head, gripping his hair.

Anonymous asked: Sorry Henrik... “A more sophisticated form of psychological abuse is often referred to as “gaslighting.” This happens when false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. Examples may range simply from the abuser denying that previous abusive incidents ever occurred to staging bizarre events with the intention of confusing the victim.” (1/?)

Doktor covers his face with his hands.

He remembers a great white burn on Trick’s hand. Anti told him to take care of themselves while he was away. Trick was cold. He started a fire for them. When he came back, Anti punished him for disobeying him. Trick didn’t know the smoke was against the rules.

‘You should have,’ said Anti. ‘You should have.’

Trick’s hand is still burned. Mind games. Haldol they were never told to pick up from the pharmacy.

“He just has a bad temper,” groans Doktor. “That’s all.”

Anonymous asked: “A common form of emotional abuse is “I love you, but…” That may sound nice at first, yet it is both a disguised criticism and a threat. It indicates, “I love you now, but if you don’t stop this or that, my love will be taken away.” It is a constant jab that slowly strips away your self-esteem. Abusers get a lot of reinforcement out of using the word “love” as it seems to become a magic word to control you.” (2/?)

“Anti doesn’t care enough to tell me he loves me,” mumbles Dok. “So that one… doesn’t count.”

Anonymous asked: “Abusers at times do what I call “throw you a bone.” The partner was “nice,” “complimentary,” “gave me a gift,” etc. as if it should erase all of the bad treatment. You need to understand that this is part of the dynamic and cycle of abuse.” (3/?)

Candles on Hanukkah.

Doktor is sobbing.

Hermann comes up beside him and puts his hand on his shoulder, in silence.

Anonymous asked: He doesn't want you to know it yet; can you respect that a little longer? You can call him Doctor, or Doctor H?

Genesis sighs, running her hands through her hair.

“I guess? I mean, at some point - ”

“No,” says Nina.

She steps up beside them, her hand on her belly.

“Medico, look at me.”

Dok stares at the earth. Hermann’s hand soothes the muscles of his arm.

“You aren’t just realizing this,” she says. “No one just realizes things like this. Things like what they told you. For months, you’ve suspected. All week, I think, you’ve known. You’ve known. It’s just scary. I know. Trust me, I… I know. But you don’t have to get stuck. You don’t have to be the person he told you to be.”

She leans down, crouching beside him and Hermann.

“What’s your name?” she says. “What’s your real name?”

bupine asked: his name is henrik von schneeplestein, genesis.

“Anti stole it from me,” he tells her. “He stole it. It isn’t mine anymore.”

“Then take it back,” Genesis answers, above all three of them. Her short dark hair, cut by Anti’s hand, is beginning to grow out again.

Scars along his arms, along his hands. Wind in his hair and earth beneath him.

“Take it back. It’s yours again, or it could be, if you wanted. Come stay with us. Really, this time. Come stay with us. Start trying to take it back.”

Hermann is holding on to him. “My friend,” he says. “No more denying the past.”

Doktor looks at him, and meets his eyes, and sees Trick in him.

“My name is Henrik,” he says, very softly. “I fix hearts.”

Anonymous asked: hey dok? i was really attached to an abuser too. even though he told me that real things that i remembered happening weren't real and he pushed my down a flight of stairs and kicked me under the table and pinched my arm, i was so attached to him, and i thought i would be nothing without him. but the thing is that that's just what abusers teach you to think. they teach you that you are vulnerable and worthless and that they are the only one who can take care of you, but it's not real. i'm sorry.

“Sometimes we can’t see it for what it was until we’re out,” murmurs Genesis, and Nina nods with her, because they know, they know.

“Shit,” whispers Henrik, with fervor, hiding his face again. “Shit.”

They let him sit there for a long time.

“I always let myself believe it was just a bad temper… or that we had to live the way we did, because we were hiding.”

A pair of finches chase each other through the branches.

“And the memory loss, fuck… I knew something had been taken from me, but I couldn’t admit it. It was too frightening, knowing he might have really done something so horrible. Taken my life away from me… taken everything. Except Trick. I guess that’s why I stayed. He gives you one thing to hold on to… and when you only have one thing left, you can’t let it go.”

Hermann has put his head down on his shoulder.

“But so often the thought occurred to me - this isn’t right. I shouldn’t let him. He can’t do this to us. But I never stood up. I was too weak.”

“It’s not weakness,” murmurs Nina. “It’s survival. Henrik… you survived.”

He’s here.

He’s alive.

He’s still fighting.

“You’re still surviving.”

Anonymous asked: H, you are enough, you’ve always been enough. If I could I’d give you the biggest hug right now, schatz. It doesn’t matter what he thinks, nothing would change if you tried to prove yourself to him, nothing, and it’s not because you aren’t enough it’s because he doesn’t know what having a family means, he doesn’t care about family he just wants attention, all of it. You have proved time and time again that you are stronger then him, you are kind and grateful, you are so much more than enough.

He’s so fucking tired.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, to all of you, and means it.

It’s just a start.

But he’s waited a long time for the chance to start again, if only in the smallest ways, if only in a whispered name, if only in a tiny, powerful admittance he makes to himself, a secret that has been building in his chest for months and months and months:

Maybe I’m not the problem.

Maybe Anti is not what he tells us he is.

Maybe Anti is not even a part of my family.

I can’t let him treat my family the way that he does any longer.

No more excuses.

“Medico, you okay?” asks Hermann gently.

“Thank you,” Henrik repeats in a mumble, his body going a little limp, and Hermann startles and reaches up to grab his other shoulder, giving a small gasp when Henrik slumps back against him, his eyes suddenly gone glossy and dull with exhaustion, and when they call his name, again, again, he does not answer, breathing slow and tired through his nose and staring down at the ground, his hands flexing gently.

---------------

Anonymous asked: Oh my god, is what you said true Anti? Really? You're just doing this all so pwecious mastew will notice you. All you ever wanted was Jack's attention. Makes sense the 7 year old acts like a toddler. I know these asks make you pissy. Not the type of attention you're looking for hm? I bet you wish we would love you again. Or that any of your brothers would love you without mind control. Or that Jack would let you anywhere near him.

Trick and Anti are sitting together in the living space. You hear a bag rustling as they share a tube of Ritz crackers, their legs close together, their heads bent down.

“Yeah, okay, but Anti, you can do it without glitching it out!” giggles Trick.

“Those ones aren’t - Sometimes I just glitch, you little ass!”

Trick laughs hard, poking the screen to distract him, and Anti growls and shoves against his shoulder. Trick shoves right back, and pretty soon, bent over a clean little Nintendo Switch, they are all but wrestling. Determined, Anti keeps the Switch in his hands even as he pushes Trick back against the empty steps and squishes him into the ground, his body tangible and warmly heavy on top of Trick’s own.

“Ah! Uncle, uncle!”

“What was that? What was that? Sorry, I’m killing these goblin things, I can’t - ”

“Anti!”

Anti gets off him, smirking, and Trick groans in fake hurt, flopping across the stairs. After a moment, Anti pauses the game and turns to look at him, handing him the Switch back. He lets out a long, thoughtful sigh, running his eyes over Trick.

“What?” murmurs Trick, smiling at him. He reaches out to touch Anti’s head, tangling his fingers through his hair for a second. “What’s wrong?”

“Don’t worry about it. You like your thing?”

Trick hugs the Switch to himself, humming.

“Yeah, I thought you would. Game consoles are easy, you can have any game you want.”

“You look tired.”

“Don’t worry about it,” says Anti, leaning back to lie beside him. “Go on, play. You can tell me about it. I like to watch.”

“Oh, I wanted to check in with the cameras today.”

“Okay,” says Anti, rubbing at his face and tossing another cracker into his mouth.

Trick hands him a camera and Anti re-enables your voices.

Trick’s face falls a little.

“Is this how they talk to you?”

Anti’s eyes slid slyly open at you as Trick reads through the messages.

“Don’t worry about it,” he murmurs, but Trick, with a little frown on his mouth, scoots a little closer to him and puts his hand down on his knee, soothing his palm across the bone. Anti allows it, relaxing, his eyes circled slightly in blue.

Anonymous asked: I fucking knew it that bastard, “what part of this doesn’t look like I’m taking care of him” arrogant asshole I hope it bites him in the ass

“He is taking care of me,” protests Trick, sinking down beside Anti. “He is!”

Anti glances out of him out of the corner of his eye, humming fondly as Trick continues his nervous shuffle towards him, always wary of being pushed away. Anti’s eyes flicker across his body and then he reaches out to hook an arm around Trick’s waist, squeezing him closer, and Trick all but melts.

“Things aren’t easy right now,” says Trick, staring up at him. “But we’re doing okay.”

“Of course you are,” says Anti, and for a second his eyes swim deep, deep black, and Trick sways a little beside him, clutching woozily at his knee.

“Mm-hm,” he mumbles, smiling at him. “Of course I am.”

Anonymous asked: damn... we can't even call him a glitch bitch anymore, anti's practically a flesh boy

“Yeah, that’s been weird, hasn’t it?” murmurs Trick, leaning back against his chest. “But it’s like on and off, really strange. You feel tangible now.”

“I’ve always been able to seem tangible.”

“Mh.” Trick tugs at the laces of his hoodie. “I hear you coughing sometimes at night.”

“It’s not as bad as it was. Maybe the curse will settle soon.”

“I hate those magicians,” grumbles Trick, his hand reaching out to snatch Dok’s handheld on the ground beside him. “They should come after you again, I’ll show them who they fucked with.”

“Of course.” Anti seems relaxed by his blood-thirst. “And then steal your Dok back.”

“Yeah! So you think he’s okay?”

“Good reason to think he is,” says Anti, glancing at you.

“Hell yeah,” beams Trick. “Next week?”

“Next week.”

Trick snuggles down against his chest.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Was that really necessary, Anti? He's already a puppy to you. Leave poor Trick alone.

“He’s happy, what’s the matter?” snaps Anti, ignoring a bewildered look from Trick. “He’s happier than any of his brothers right now, I guarantee. It’s easier to be right here with me, isn’t it, lil Stammer? Isn’t it?”

Trick laughs and blushes, nodding.

Anonymous asked: trick, pick your side. anti just ripped blue out of his hospital bed and broke his nose, and told him he'd never be free. so either go to him, and turn your back on anti for good, or put your muzzle and collar back on, and sleep at his feet. anti's dog, or blue's brother? it's about time you decided.

Trick’s face falls.

He looks up at Anti, and then down at you, and then up at Anti again.

When he speaks, his voice is soft.

“Did you really break Blue’s nose?”

Anti is interested in his nails. His ears are pink, and, today, so are his cheeks, changing color with the anger and the other feelings in his eyes, emotions you’re not sure you recognize.

“Got upset with him,” growls Anti, crossing his arms over his chest.

Trick pauses, his mouth slightly open.

“You… can’t be doing that. What was he going to do, Anti? He’s too sick to do anything.”

“He was being - ” Anti hisses and rubs at his face. “He was being - I got pissed off, okay, I wanted him to come home!”

Trick stares at his shoes, picking at the laces. Immaculately clean Converse, given to him by Anti a long time ago.

“Me too,” he says. “But can’t be hitting him.”

“Whatever, Trick, listen to them, then!” says Anti, suddenly screaming, and Trick jolts hard, curling slightly in on himself. “I get it, alright, nobody wants me if they’re not out of their fucking mind, I get it! You can prove them right, you can be like the rest of your brothers, you think I can’t feel my strings loosening, you think I can’t tell they’re being changed while they’re away from me? And my own body is a weapon to me now, sure, listen to them!”

Trick is on his feet, his head down, heading towards his room.

“I get it, I know, don’t you think I don’t know, I know and I always have known!” he shrieks. “You can go like the rest of them, you can leave me behind, everyone does, sure, listen to them, you can’t be my brother’s and Blue’s, too, right, is that what they said? Fine, run away, go ahead! I know! I know!”

Anti slumps back against the stairs, seething, his eyes brown and his teeth clenched. He digs his nails into his palm and hisses, trying to calm down. There are scorch marks where his hands touch the ground.

“Whatever,” he growls, biting his teeth at nothing. “Whatever… I don’t need anybody, I don’t - ”

Footsteps come back towards him.

Anti stops short, turning his head, and when he sees Trick, his whole face slackens.

Trick steps slowly towards him. Anti reaches out in bewilderment, a strange look in his eyes.

When he finally reaches your view, you can see Trick’s collar, tucked safely into his backpack, latched around his throat.

“I’m not going anywhere,” says Trick.

His voice is level. His eyes are clear. He sits down at Anti’s feet.

“I’m not ever going anywhere.”

Anti is shell-shocked, staring at him, winded. Weird thing about being physical is the new feelings it comes with - like something grabbing your heart and warming it between their hands. His cheeks are very red.

Trick leans forward.

Anti grabs him and hugs him tight to his chest, squeezing him down, down, down, holding him.

“Cameras off again?” asks Trick, muffled against his stomach.

“Cameras off again,” whispers Anti, and, grabbing you, he turns you off and throws you away.

----------------

aether-mae asked: Red, maybe you failed to protect them in the past, but if you continue to let them be returned to Anti after everything you’ve seen, then your still enabling their torture. You need to put your foot down and end this. Choose to do good, despite everything

Red breathes out a shaky sigh, staring down an alleyway at the lights of a tattered drug store.

“Choose to do good, huh?” he mumbles to himself, his hood drawn over his head.

The truth is he doesn’t know what’s right and what’s wrong anymore. Nothing feels clear cut. To lock Dapper in his room feels bad, but to let him come along and get hurt or run free and have an episode alone would be bad too. To go back to Anti has begun to feel frightening, but to continue living this way with Dapper so sick could be worse. Maslow’s Pyramid is boxing his morality in - with an empty stomach and a hallucinating brother, just about anything that eases his pain feels like the right thing to do. Killing people is wrong, but self-defense is good. Stealing is wrong, but taking care of Dapper is good. Who is he supposed to turn to? Where is he supposed to go? For a rare moment, he feels something in him cry out for the cold pews of that run-down church where they hid, but God’s never helped him before and he doesn’t expect salvation now that he’s done so many things nobody should ever do.

“Just let me try and get him some medicine,” murmurs Red, moving towards the drug store. “Maybe cause just a little trouble, so Anti at least has an idea… I can always choose to run later, but I just - I just can’t do this alone anymore.”

And he does feel alone. Dapper is just a responsibility. No help is coming.

“Look, I’m just going to put you in my backpack so you can hear,” he says. “And then, if everything goes really wrong… you’ll be able to tell Anti and the others. And they’ll know why I did it, and not to look for me. And then, you know. It won’t be so bad, I don’t think. Maybe kind of peaceful, even. I’ve heard it’s like sleep. No duties there, you know? No one to hurt me. Nothing to wrestle with. Feel like I sealed my fate a long time ago, so, hey. I can be a way for Anti to find and look after Dapper again and then everything… everything will be okay.”

He swallows hard and tries to believe himself.

“Just need you with me,” he says, a little gruffly. “In case things go wrong.”

He puts you in his backpack.

After that, a great many things go wrong.

whydoilovesomanyvillians asked: Wait red dont die what went wrong

Skidding footsteps pound down the sidewalk; raw gasps are matched by the shrieking of sirens, and your screen is jostled rapidly with the running. There’s a a pause as Red tries to turn, and then the sound of a gunshot, and Red whimpers, taking off again, a hard gasp slicing through his voice.

“Anti’s right,” he chokes, heaving. “I’m not a good thief!”

There are voices yelling at him. You hear clanging as he tries to flee, leaping up the side of the building. Another shot goes off and he cries out, terrified, but he will not surrender. He can’t go to prison. He can’t, he can’t, he can’t. This was stupid, this was so stupid. He can’t remember why he did it now. He just saw a chance at getting out of this situation and leapt for it. Maybe he was just hoping to get shot.

Anonymous asked: Not everyone thing simplified to two options, y’know. Why not make your own choices and discover a third option? Think outside the box a little, Red, anything is possible if you want it bad enough.

Red is trying to get you out of his backpack, grabbing you as he runs, having found some distance from the police behind him as he sprinted through back-alleys and abandoned buildings.

“Well, I am VERY OPEN to suggestions right now,” he shouts. “Like, just, incredibly open to suggestions!”

He turns an alley and sees a dark figure at the end of it hallowed in red and blue. Fear flashes over his face, and then, before he can turn -

Gunshot.

Red wails, clutching at his arm, and turns to race away again, but he’s getting rapidly boxed in. Dark figures on every side. Circling him like a lynx surrounded by wolves. He cannot breathe and blood is soaking his sleeve.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Red! Please be careful.

“What do I do?” he gasps. “What do I do!”

He stares around you. Cops to the right, and coming down from the north too. He could go to his left or south. South is an abandoned building; left is more alleyways.

Anonymous asked: Did you steal what you needed? As for suggestions, lose whatever jacket you're wearing and double back if you can. If they didn't get a good look at you, you might be able to get past without seeming suspicious.

“My… my jacket?”

It’s the only thing he owns. He clutches furtively at the sleeves, feeling suddenly paralyzed. A blur of blue and red lights. A blur of shapes faraway getting closer. The cold as he takes off his jacket. The blood, hot, soaking into him, and the stinging bullet embedded in his arm. Oh, please. Oh, please. Shut up, shut up, shut up.

“No, no!” he cries to himself, trying to focus on your message. “I have - I grabbed antipsychotics I think, but I - I don’t know what kind, I don’t know what to do - don’t act suspicious, don’t act - k-keep it together, Red! Keep it together, Roser!” Fuck, but he wants Blue!

Anonymous asked: Cops may know the area better than you do so you might get pinned in the alleyways. The building may be a bit tricky but if you can move quick and hide you might be able to get away unseen. Weigh your strengths

“Okay, okay,” wheezes Red, hurrying towards it. Shouting around him. He’s scared they saw him but he isn’t sure. He doesn’t speak Spanish. He’s not sure he could understand English right now. He sprints towards the abandoned building - some kind of greenhouse, if he had to guess, and shoves himself in through a rusted door. He needs to find someplace to hide!

whydoilovesomanyvillians asked: Go south maybe you can lose them in the building's

“I’ll try and stay hidden,” he pants. “If I do good enough, they might leave. Maybe they won’t check thoroughly. They don’t know I’m the one who’s - they don’t know I’m a killer, right? Right? They just think I’m a petty thief. Or did they recognize my jacket? They’re shooting at me…”

Anonymous asked: Every second you stay out of their line of sight is good; try the alleys, take as many turns as you can, wait until they're good and behind you before you try climbing anything. Unless you think you can do some rooftop parkour from the abandoned building, in which case, try for there first. Just move quickly, make as much time as you can where they don't have their eyes on you.

“Oh, fuck, I can’t get on the rooftops with my arm like this,” he whimpers, the realization hitting him. He clutches the machete Anti gave him in his good arm, panting. “That’s how I always get away when I’m in trouble!”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Go down to the abandoned building! It might buy you some time. But if you think you still have the energy to run, book it down those alleyways!

“It does buy me time, it does,” pants Red, hunkering down between a closet and a table at the corner of the back of the long, open building. “Yeah, okay, okay, gotta take a second to collect myself before they find me. I’m okay. If they find me, I can fight. I’m good at fighting. I’ve fought with worse than a bullet in my shoulder before.”

He’s pale, but not pale enough to lose consciousness. Not yet.

The door he came in through creaks.

“Hello?” someone whispers.

Someone else shushes them and footsteps skitter in the darkness.

Anonymous asked: Hey Red that’s alright! That just means you gotta get a little more creative with your tactics. Just relax and think logically, act like you are in control of the situation. If you don’t you’ll trip up and get caught and we don’t want that.

“I’m in control,” he wheezes to himself, nearly silent in the darkness. You can just see the outline of his face. “I’m in control. I am a soldier. I am a fighter. I always come home to my family. I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have left him alone. I shouldn’t have locked him in. Okay. Okay. Sh, Ro, sh.”

Anonymous asked: that's ok red, you can keep your jacket. maybe you can wear it inside out or around your waist?

The hood, for now, is hiding his face, but he thinks that’s a good idea. He nods. He’ll change it once these cops leave. Someone is sliding closer to him. He tries to breathe.

Anonymous asked: Red, I get why you see Dapper as a hindrance especially in this unmedicated state, but bear in mind he could be your greatest help if you'd let him. Trusting him is going to help him trust you. Two-way street, bud. You're not alone, so quit acting like you are because, like it or not, you're both in this together.

“He’s just… always seemed so helpless,” murmurs Red, clutching his own head. He should probably shut up, but he’s trying to ground himself. Quiet, quiet. Can’t breakdown now. At least this place is cool and quiet and the fire in his arm is beginning to go numb. “Sometimes it’s like he can’t even think for himself. I don’t hate him, I just don’t know how to see him as capable anymore. He’s always sick or acting like a baby… maybe that’s not what he wants, but I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Anonymous asked: Can you see who it is, Red? Be cautious, but I think they might be an innocent.

Red swallows and turns both himself and you slightly to the right, sinking down so you can all see beneath the legs of the table. The black boots and navy green uniform of the policia. A gun.

Red shudders, going still. There is another pair of footsteps, moving even more quickly towards them, and this person makes much less attempts at being quiet, panting in the hot shadows. Red squishes himself down small, small.

Anonymous asked: Blue would tell you to calm down and think through this right? Deep breaths and think about what is happening in the moment, nothing else. Your main priority is to get away, to disappear, don’t worry about anything else. What if you weaved down the alleyways to try and loose them? Just don’t get cornered.

Blue would tell him to calm down.

Right? Right?

Deep breaths. Stay in the moment. Get away. Disappear. Don’t be scared, Red. Don’t be scared, Rojo.

Right?

He wouldn’t be angry.

Calm down. Deep breaths. Stay in the moment. I’m not angry. I forgive you.

Maybe that’s what Blue would tell him.

Right? Right?

I love you, he’d say. Focus on that. I forgive you. Deep breaths. Stay in the moment. Stay here with me.

The flashlight of the cop shines on him.

“Está aquí!” and the gun cocks.

Another voice cutting through the darkness, and footsteps running towards him. “Don’t hurt him! Don’t shoot!”

Anonymous asked: You're alright, Red. You can do this. Just one step at a time, yeah? You can handle this. Deep breaths. Do you have any subtle stims that can ground you, like tapping your fingers or rubbing a seam on your clothes? Just focus on that for now, and you can act on something else if something else happens.

Red can’t move. Red can’t breathe. Red can’t move. Red can’t breathe. Get up, Red. He can’t move. Run, run. Gun in his face. Shouting. Machete in his hands; clutch the scabbing handle tight, focus on the pressure in your hands. Get up, Red, run, can’t move, can’t breathe, hold the machete; blood on your arms, jacket, light in his face, Blue, Blue, Blue, I’m sorry, I love you, can’t move.

Someone collides hard with the police officer, shoving him back a few steps, and there is shouting, loud.

“Don’t hurt him!”

Angry Spanish in reply. “He’s armed, he has a machete!”

“Put the gun down, don’t hurt him! Hey, hey, put the machete down for me, man, can you put the machete down?”

Can’t move. Anti’s machete. Protect Dapper. Silver water. Can’t breathe. The gunman whirls back towards him again and Red is going to die.

The other stranger pulls back his own gun and slams it down on the skull of the police officer.

The body crumples.

One breath, sucked desperately in. One breath. Knife handle. Jacket. Quiet. Warm. Focus. Calm down, Ro. Deep breaths.

The stranger stands over him, panting, stammering, staring at him. He drops his gun and it goes clattering to the floor beside the body. After a moment, he picks up the flashlight and shines it on Red.

Red covers his eyes, panting, holding the blade in his trembling hand.

Anonymous asked: Red DO NOT strike first! Only in self-defense, ONLY fight if you HAVE to!

Get up, Red, fight.

Ro, he just protected you.

Don’t strike first. Don’t fight unless you have to. Injured. Alone. Trapped. Afraid.

The stranger has not moved. Red staggers back against the wall and pushes himself up, slowly, until he is standing on trembling legs, and only then does he pull his protective arm away from his eyes and face the man with the light.

He saw him earlier.

When he was scavenging for something to eat.

He had thought he seemed familiar, somehow. Forgotten, but familiar.

He is not South American, but his skin is dark and his hair darker, soft and silky on his head. His eyes are so golden-brown Red thinks of tigers. A wide mouth made for smiling now turned into an astonished o, eyes wide with shock and light, strong, familiar features. Red knows him and Red does not know him. Red does not know him at all and yet knows every part of him. Red is afraid.

“It is you,” the stranger whispers. “I didn’t believe…”

Behind the flashlight, the stranger seems to glow with light, and then, as the realization hits him and sinks down into him, with joy, too.

“It is you,” he says again, a smile lighting up his sunlight face. “Jackie.”

Anonymous asked: Who is that??

Red is close to suffocating.

“Who?” he tries, but the words are mangled in his desperate mouth. “Wh - who - how - ?”

“It’s been so long,” gasps the stranger, taking a step forward.

Red flinches and he steps back again, worry on his face.

“Sorry,” he whispers, and the smile comes back. Red thinks he sees tears in his deep eyes. “I had started to think - I had almost started to give up, Juice Box, I - oh, fuck. Then there was this weird power signal in Peru, and I followed it, and then I could swear it was you in that police arrest, and then, up north, a trail of crimes with you fitting the description, and I - I - Fuck. I’m so sorry, I’m just - !”

He laughs aloud, making Red startle hard, and the stranger again tries to readjust, worry in his face.

“Sorry, you’re spooked. It’s okay. We need to get you out of here.”

He reaches out a hand. Yes, definitely tears in his eyes. Joy on his mouth. That old name. Jackie. Jackie.

Red slinks back against the wall, staring at him.

Wary.

“Are you okay?” asks the man. “Are you hurt?”

He reaches farther forward. Red jerks back and the stranger frowns.

“Don’t touch me,” Red manages. “Don’t even think about touching me.”

bupine asked: hey there, stranger. can you hear us? what's your name?

“Does that thing get messages?” he asks, tilting his head at the flashing light of the camera. “Is that… is that him? Can I - ?”

Red clutches you jealously to his chest and slides slightly down the wall, shoving the desk between himself and the stranger. He is panting, hard, and as he moves the man catches sight of the gleaming blood on his arm.

“Did they get you? Let me look at it, Jackie, please - ”

“Don’t come near me!” shouts Red, shoving himself further down the hall, though the tentative movements of the stranger towards him make him nervous and paralyzed, not remembering how to run away. “Don’t come any closer!”

“Okay, I won’t, I won’t, I promise, see?”

Hands held out. Feet planted. Eyes like the earth, rich.

“It’s okay, I won’t touch you or come closer if you don’t want,” promises the stranger.

“Who are you?” shouts Red, and the heat of the humiliation of not knowing him, though he knows him, rises in his face like flame. “Stay away from me! Who are you?”

But there is no anger or frustration or even disappointment in the man’s eyes.

Just knowing - acceptance. And then, for a moment, a grief so wide the ocean couldn’t make space for it, and then the knowing again.

“It’s okay,” he whispers. “It’s okay. You must have been through so much, I know. It’s Max. Do you remember me at all?”

Red shakes his head numbly. He sees again the great dark hurting grief, and then Max is calm and smiling soothingly again, the knowing in his eyes, the sorrow resting on its underbelly.

“Oh, okay,” whispers Max, very soft. “Not at all? It’s me, Max. No? That’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

He will have time to hate Anti for it later.

Anonymous asked: Red, don't be afraid. There's no need to be scared, I'm nearly certain. Be cautious, but this person just saved your life. I think you can more than trust them.

No. No, no.

Red doesn’t like this, this isn’t -

This isn’t how they’re supposed to be.

He doesn’t know how they’re supposed to be, but not like this.

And he’s ashamed, but he doesn’t know why.

He covers his face with his hands. He will not cry in front of strangers. And this man is a stranger no matter what he says or what he knows. He doesn’t want to be looked at or seen or real. He wants to wake up, or maybe die.

“Who are you?” croaks Red. “Who, who, say things that matter this time!”

“I - I’m a detective, or I was, with the Sussex Police. I’ve been trying to - Jackie, wait!”

The word ‘police’ and Red tears towards the exit of the greenhouse, yanking frantically against the locked door.

“No, I won’t hurt you!” swears Max. “I’m on your side, please! I’m here to help, I am, just please talk to me.”

“Fucking pig,” snarls Red, whirling on him again, panting hard. “Don’t touch me.”

“Is Anti here now?” asks Max, his eyes beginning to redden. “Is he making you do all this? Is he making you act like this?”

A strangled laugh from Red’s throat. No. The last week has been all him and his bullshit. Nobody made him do anything. And now Max is seeing him like this. Sprinting away from a crime scene. Running from cops. Probably he stinks and his clothes are fucking filthy. He is, very suddenly, so aware of every scar along every inch of his torn, abused flesh that he wants to scratch them all back to blood just to hide them.

“Jackie,” whispers Max.

And Red strikes like a snake.

Max shouts in alarm as he is tackled to the ground, and Red’s fist comes down once, twice, staining his teeth crimson, and Max struggles frantically against his grip, yelling. “Jackie, stop! Jackie! I won’t hurt you!”

“Don’t call me that!” Red screams, slamming his head back against the ground. Max moans. “I’m not Jackie! Jackie is gone!”

“No,” he hears Max cry, grabbing at his face, his right hand finding the back of his head and grabbing his hair tightly. “I know you! Even from the others, I would know you. I could know you by the way you breathe.”

“No, you don’t know me, you don’t know anything about me or the person I am now!”

“Jackie,” he begs, his hand still in his hair, protecting him. “Jackie.”

“Shut up!” screams Red, and strikes him again, and leaps away from his body, taking off at a dead sprint, throwing his whole weight at the door this time and busting the hinges entirely. You get a glimpse of Max staggering to his knees but then collapsing back to his side again, striking the floor in his anguish, his white teeth gritted.

Anonymous asked: Stay hidden, Red, but as soon as it’s clear you need to get the hell away from there and go the opposite direction.

He tears off his hoodie and wraps it around his waist instead, sprinting so numbly now that he isn’t even sure if anyone’s following him. That’s an order he can follow. Get the hell away. Get the hell, the fuck, the goddamn away from there and from him and from everything. He can’t feel his arm anymore. It doesn’t matter. He’ll run until he passes out if he can’t find his way back to the motel. He can’t think. He’s sprinting. It’s quiet at last. Dark streets and silence and the bundle of feelings cutting him open from the inside. Even Dok couldn’t cut that shit out of him. Nurse, I need a liter of not-being-so-fucking-useless, stat. He laughs wildly and stumbles as he runs, beginning to hyperventilate, beginning to slow, exhausted.

“Can’t call me that,” he pants to himself, staggering down a street he doesn’t know. “Can’t call me that…”

Anonymous asked: Red, what was that? Why did you do that?

“I don’t know, I don’t know!” he shrieks.

He tries to rationalize it away.

“He was a cop! He was going to arrest me! And Dapper, he could find him! He knew who Anti was, he could hurt us! He’s been stalking us! He’s the kind of person Anti’s warned me about again and again! I should have killed him! Anti would have wanted me to!”

He slams against a wall and covers his face with his hands - or tries to, but the injured one has lost all feeling. His head spins fiercely. He’s going to be sick and he isn’t sure if it’s from the blood loss or the encounter.

“I didn’t want to see him,” he cries. “I didn’t want him to see me.”

Anonymous asked: Ro, you need to calm down.

“Why can’t I do anything right?” he groans, tugging at his hair like he always does, pulling at the thick dark hair. “Sometimes I just want to be normal. I get so freaked out. Fuck, when was the last time I just… met someone? Met anyone? Spoken to anyone other than my brothers and you?”

He holds his own aching shoulders, shrinking down against the wall. “I want Blue, why does Blue always feel so much safer than anything… I need him, I can’t do this, I can’t, I can’t!”

He strikes the wall with his fist so hard it will bruise.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Red, Max is NOT out to get you.

“Everyone’s out to get me,” he chokes, rocking himself and rubbing his palms together. “The whole world is out to get me. The whole world is out to get me and my family. I can’t trust anyone but my brothers. That’s the way it’s always been. Even before i remember. Cops waiting for me at food pantries. Guns surrounding my house in the middle of the night. Strangers stalking me home from the marketplace on Christmas Eve.”

Anonymous asked: You make mistake just like anyone else, but it’s what you do after that that defines you. You either do what you can to make it right or you sit and have a pitty party. It’s okay to mess up, Red, but Blue is not coming so you have to figure this out on your own.

Red shivers hard. “I… I wish I could remember a time without Blue. I’ve never done anything without him. Anti told us to stay together and I walked away.”

He rubs his wrists into his eyes, trying to breathe.

“Okay. Okay. I can figure this out. Need - I need to get back to Dapper. I need to bandage myself up. Can’t be bleeding everywhere. I can’t think about him, I won’t…”

Shaking so hard it is difficult to rise, he nevertheless gets back to his feet.

Anonymous asked: Red, bud... You're having a trauma reaction right now. You've been attacked and stalked so often with mal-intent that it's causing a trauma reaction. Can you breathe for me, love? Breath in 4, hold 7, out 8. It's okay, it'll be okay. Max wasn't going to hurt you, buddy. Everything will be fine, but right now work on calming and guiding yourself our of this flashback.

“Keep having nightmares,” whispers Red, and then he tries to breathe for you.

One, two, three, four… one, two, three, four, five, six, choke - pause, cough, try again - one, two, three, four… one, two three, four, five, six, seven… one, two, three, four, sigh deep, too deep, so tired.

Everything in his life is always difficult and frightening and he’s tired. Afraid. He doesn’t remember if it was always like this. He doesn’t think so. He thinks he used to be brave and safe and maybe even happy.

One, two, three, four…

Anonymous asked: Wow what a shocking coincidence that your life was only exhausting and frightening and traumatizing since you've belonged to Anti, hm, Red. I wonder who could possibly at fault.

“Please,” mumbles Red, clutching at his face. “Tell me I didn’t help bring them all back to an Anti who wanted any of this. Tell me I haven’t belonged to an Anti like that. I couldn’t bear it.”

Anonymous asked: Red, fucking /stop/. You need to calm down, please. Go back, see what he wants. He won't hurt you, he said it himself. Explain who you are if he doesn't understand. Stop running from your past. Stop running from people who want to help. You will /die/ if you keep running from everything that tries to help you. Dapper will die without help.

“I… I think I’m lost,” he mumbles, shivering despite the heat, staring around himself. “I don’t even know where I came from.”

He holds his arm as it begins to hurt again, feeling coming back as the adrenaline fades. “Ngh… maybe I should have at least let him bandage it up. No… Dapper will help me. Even if I left him behind. I think I need to apologize.”

He runs his hands through his hair. Dapper will die without help. He groans and moves forward, looking around for anything he recognizes.

Anonymous asked: Sadly.... You have Red. You've belonged to an Anti who told us he hates you and loves seeing you in pain. You belong to an Anti who killed you in front of Dapper and forced him to rewind every time he disobeyed. You belong to an Anti who threw Blue out of a hospital bed, gagged him with his own stolen magic, and broke his nose.

He is set to shuddering again, crumpling against the wall, panting and dizzy. He can see Blue sick, now, choking and bleeding. He can see Blue hurt and himself not there. He can see Blue dying. He can see himself dead, and Dapper looking on, afraid, Red’s blood made as a tool to control him.

“I don’t believe you!” shrieks Red, clutching his hair. “No! Stop it! I’ll turn you off! I want to go home to Dapper! I need to see him! I need to - we used to protect each other, I need - I need to see Dapper! Where am I?”

Anonymous asked: He wasn't stalking you, he was rescuing you Red. He was helping, he came to save you. You can't 'rationalize' this one away, buddy... He was a friend. A friend that you don't remember. He came to save you. His eyes were grieving you, missing you.

“A friend,” chokes Red.

And suddenly, he needs it to be true so badly he can barely breathe.

He needs a friend.

He really, really, really, fucking needs a friend.

“This is so stupid,” he sobs. “I’m supposed to be able to do this alone. It doesn’t matter now. I can’t start to know anyone else. I’ll just lose them when I have to go back to Anti. And I beat him, anyway, so he won’t want me now. I don’t know how to trust anybody anymore so it’s better if we just go.”

But he wants it, he wants it, he wants it so much he doesn’t even realize he’s crying until his mouth is warm with the tears and his chest is hiccuping and he has to calm down, he has to.

Anonymous asked: Whether you believe it or not doesn't make it any less true. What are you going to make the "he just has a bad temper" excuse too? Red, do you know the definition of "gaslighting"? Do you realize how shattered your reality is because of what Anti has done to you?

“No, no, no!” He thrashes his head back and forth, rocking again, but it hardly helps. He needs someone to hold him. He wants someone to touch him. He wants to feel safe. “I’m the shattered one, it’s not anybody else’s fault. Why would he do this to me if he knew? Why would he hate me? I’ve never done anything but protect him, my little brother, my angry, hurting little brother, I’ve never done anything but love him.”

He wants Anti to come hold onto him and tug at his hair. It is only belatedly that he realizes he has no memory of Anti ever holding him like that at all.

“Stop talking!” he screams, his voice splitting down the middle, grabbing at his face as the lights around him become overwhelming again. “Shut up!”

Anonymous asked: You know it's the truth though, don't you Red. You know your master better than anyone. Do you really think I'm lying? Do you underestimate his cruelty, even now, after all the shit he's done to you? After he almost killed Blue? Blue would have died if it weren't for one of the magicians healing his heart. Anti would have killed him. He's still killing him, every single day.

Red crumples.

You can hear him breathing. Harsh and thin and wheezing like an asthma attack. A low string of mumbling pours from his trembling mouth. His nails bite into his palms. He puts his forehead down on the filthy dirt of the alleyway and clutches at his head like there’s bombs coming down and he’s beneath his desk. He can see Blue’s corpse on the shore of the river. He sees purpled lips and swollen eyes. The body goes unbelievably stiff as it dies, and so soon too. Red knows. Red has held corpses. Blue would be so heavy, with bones like metal, unyielding as a concrete building. His eyes would never see the stars again and the life would be gone from him. Red can smell the decay. The rotting blood. Red can see Blue dead, but Anti wasn’t the one who killed him. Red walks away and hears Blue crying out for him beside him.

Ro? Ro? I don’t want to die. Red - Jackie - I’m afraid, please -

Be good, Blue. Be good. I’ll see you again soon.

Red slams the side of his head against the concrete. He is holding his shoulders as he always does, but he lets his fingers dig into the bullet-hole at the top of his shoulder. His palms fill up with blood.

Anonymous asked: "Gaslighting: form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance. Blatant lying. First, people who gaslight tell obvious lies. Deny, Deny, Deny. Using what you love against you. Additionally, people who gaslight use what is closest to you against you. The slow death of self."

The slow death of self. Red shudders and is sick against the concrete, and now he cannot breathe at all through the smell of his own vomit. He falters and tumbles against the brick of the building beside him, his eyes rolling, rocking himself back and forth, his head striking concrete every time, desperate breaths wheezing out of his throat.

Anonymous asked: "Gaslighting. Everybody else is the enemy, outsiders are not to be trusted. Lovebombing, holding love and affection over your head and using it against you. The constant confusion that the abuser has instilled leads the victim to become desperate for clarity. More often than not, the victim searches for this clarity in the abuser. If the gaslighter is a liar and a cheater, they are now accusing you of being a liar and a cheater."

He is not reading anymore, shaken and blind against the concrete, lost in his head, overwhelmed, sick. He hasn’t made it home and no one is here to comfort him. Dapper does not have a camera and Max is still searching. He is very dizzy now, milk white with it, his rocking slowing on the concrete as he faints for a moment, a low moan sliding out of his teeth.

Anonymous asked: Alright, why don’t we hold off on the truth bombing tonight? Ro hasn’t exactly had an easy trip this evening so let’s just chill a bit?

Numb.

He’s a dead thing, he thinks.

He lies there for a long time.

Anonymous asked: Guys I don’t think this is the correct approach to this, especially since he’s just had a anxiety attack from a trauma trigger. Red, it’s okay. You’ve been thought a lot today and you’re in pain and loosing blood still, your priority right now should be to get somewhere safe and patch yourself up or get some help (Max I mean max). We can wait to talk about the more touchy feely topics until you’re safe.

Brain slush. Tired. Dry mouth. It hurts to blink.

Safe and patch up. Safe and patch up.

He doesn’t move. His tongue presses against his torn lips. He sighs. Sleepy.

Anonymous asked: There is much more to this world then guns and knifes and scary people. There are people that genuinely want you boys to get better, kinda like us. It’s scary to take a change but you aren’t going to get anywhere if you don’t. Remember what we said about that third option? Thinking outside the box beyond BNE and Anti as a solution? He could be it.

He stares at you, his eyes dull and glazed over with fatigue. Right now, he’d take a third option. He’s too tired not to. He just wants someone to hold him. The strange memory of Dapper that he has tucked away rises in his head again - soft white hands washing the blood away. Cleaning him and helping him to bed. His soft warm hair against his own. Good pressure. Warm Jameson.

And warm brown eyes, deep. Tiger. Sleepy.

Anonymous asked: Shit okay okay, guys fucking stop pressuring a guy on the brink of an entire meltdown jfc what is wrong with you people? Alright, Red can you hear me? You shouldn't sleep right now. But first deep breaths. In and out. In and out until you feel better. You have to find Dapper and then maybe go approach the guy Max earlier. It seems they're pretty worried about you in a personal level so they'll help you and Dapper some if you just asked. -🌻

Oh, help. And food and bandages - medicine? Tired. He rubs at his face and then shudders, drawing away to find blood on his hands. A quiver shakes his chest and he snuffles out a sigh, dazed.

Deep breaths. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven…

Dapper.

Max.

He looks up at the sky and the buildings, trying to put the floating pieces of his own brain back together.

Anonymous asked: Red, can you hear us?

He looks at you, licking dryly at his mouth, his eyes fluttering. Eventually, he shuffles into a less awkward position, rising onto his calves and palms. You can see his whole body tremble.

He’s strong and he has been for a long time.

He reaches out to pull you into his hand. He’ll try to get up in a minute, he thinks. Oh, a coherent thought, is his second coherent thought. He laughs to himself, his head swimming. He’s a fish, pushing up silt, floating along the bottom of a black ocean.

Anonymous asked: Damn it, is there a way we can get Max's attention? There's no way Jackie got far, do we have a blinky light or something??

If Max can find him, the cops can find him.

Then again, figures Red dully, he said he had been looking for Jackie for a long time. Maybe he’ll keep looking. Even if the person he’s looking for is dead and has been for a long time. Red pulls at his hair, whimpering.

Anonymous asked: I have a feeling he’d forgive you if you asked him for help, love. He seemed to really, really care about you. He respected you too.

Yeah, he was nice, thinks Red, he was, he didn’t touch me when I told him to, he was okay.

Can’t start thinking like that, just lose him to Anti, just hurts more… No one would want him like this anyway. No, no pity party, no more fucking around, he had promised Dapper. He wants Dapper. He’s moving again, slow, his hand on the wall beside him, his head hanging low.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Hey Red? You're going to be okay, honey. You are SO strong. You will be okay. Right now, we need to get you help.

I think I freaked out, Red registers dully. I think I just flipped the fuck out.

He’s moving, oh. He didn’t notice. One foot at a time. There’s a blur of light in front of his eyes. A casino. He thinks maybe he recognizes it. The lights are pink. They caught his attention. But when? Which direction? He stares around him. He feels like he’s a sardine and the can around him was just peeled open and now the whole world is staring at his little wriggly body, his eyes fixed morbidly open. He tries to blink and it hurts his head.

Anonymous asked: Bring Max to Dapper, Red! He might be able to help both of you

“Where is he?” mumbles Red. “I knew him…”

Anonymous asked: Do you know which direction you came from? You could try to backtrack a bit to see if you could run into him.

He stares around him. Nothing seems familiar but the casino. Wait - a Subway, buried in the wall, dirty and silent at this time of night. There’s a dumpster out back. Tuna sandwich.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Is this where you found the food for you and Dap, honey???

“I guess,” he mumbles. “Love eating like a rat.”

He didn’t want to steal anything. Scared of getting in trouble with the cops. He laughs low in his chest. Nice work, Red.

Anonymous asked: Red, buddy, I know you're hungry, but please do not eat out of the garbage

“Not right now,” he sighs, turning in circles, trying to find out where he is.

Anonymous asked: Oh, thank god, a land mark. Red, do you remember the way back from here? Be safe, might be best to stay out of sight since you're... bloody and covered in bruising.

Good advice. He feels so gross. Suddenly, he has a desperate desire to see what was inside that room back at the house in the middle of the trees, Jackie’s room with the pictures and notes and newspaper clippings on the door, all arranged like there was something funny about it. He imagines a big, sunny room. The smell of linen and Febreeze, maybe a little sweat, too, but not too much. Clean clothes arrayed colorfully in a cool dark closet. Everything tucked neatly away. A freshly made bed. Green sheets.

He laughs to himself, confused by the thought. He doesn’t know why the sheets would be green. Pictures of his family on the bedside drawer. Laughter through the walls.

Anonymous asked: Sorry about pressuring so much at once. Sent all my messages right after each other, and I couldn't read how upset you were, Red. I feel cruel after seeing how much it upset you.

“Oh, too fast,” he laughs. “I get it. I’m supposed to be able to take it, right?”

He shivers slightly and adjusts his jacket.

“Everybody always expects me to. Anti doesn’t like to say I’m autistic, did you know that? He says I just freak out sometimes.”

Red swallows and glances around.

Anonymous asked: Shit. Can you turn back, Jackie? Retrace your steps?

He wanders down the street, turning his head side to side, the sense of familiarity growing a little. Is this close to where he carried Dap, with his body so heavy in Red’s arms, stiff and tired?

He looked after Dap. Dap let him. Dap rested.

Why does he never let Dap look after him?

Anonymous asked: What would help you right now, bud? Do you need to stop and stim for a second? A poem you like? Stay calm, it's gonna be alright

“No stimming,” he laughs wearily, swaying as he walks. “Way too much - way too much everything already. Too loud.”

A poem. His eyes water for a second. He pauses to rest and bows his head. He can hear Blue, but doesn’t remember the words, not well.

“Did you want to see me shaken? Bowed head and lowered eyes…”

Joy on his brother’s face.

“Ro? Ro? I don’t want to die.”

Be good, Blue.

This is the back of the motel.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: That doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you, Ro. It just means that there's another part of you to love! We are all different. Just have to embrace who you are :)

“You guys are all crazy sweet,” he manages, wiping at his face, touched despite himself. “But you’ll have to wait til I’m a little less tired for me to appreciate you like you deserve. Maybe… maybe talk about it, I don’t know, I’m not really supposed to, but… maybe I should, sometime.”

Anonymous asked: Hey love it’s okay! Does anything seem more familiar now that you’ve identified that?

“Room number,” he mumbles, trying to remember. He knew it. He had it. He’s good with numbers. “I think… first floor, I…”

It’s gone.

“No, no,” he croaks. “How do I find it?”

Anonymous asked: Be safe please Red. You really need to be bandaged up. You had a backpack with you. Do you still have it? Is there anything in there you can use? Or, at least could you make a tourniquet out of your hoodie, for the bullet wound?

“Shit, that was a good idea, wrapping up,” he mumbles, slurring a little from fatigue. “Should have listened to you when I was farther away. Got my backpack. Not much in there. But the medicine I stole. Not even sure it’s what Dapper needs. And the machete. Oh, the key to the handcuffs…”

He reaches slowly around to get it out of the side pocket.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Red, you can listen to us or not. That is your choice, in the end. But get back to Dapper or go back to Max. You need to keep going, okay?

“Keep going, keep going,” he mumbles to himself, beginning to walk past the rooms. “I need help… I need someone…”

Anonymous asked: Bud, think about it, he didn’t attack you, when you asked him not to touch you he didn’t, in fact he backed up and showed you his hands so you could see them! He gave you honest information so that you knew who he was, not any type of lie. He said he wasn’t going to hurt you, and I’m sure he was scared or nervous after seeing you for the first time in ages, but he wasn’t going to hurt you. I don’t think he would have even thought about it. I know you don’t want to see him but he could help you.

“Do you really think he knew me from so long ago?” whispers Red, trailing dazedly around. “He told me he didn’t want to hurt me. He would be really nice if it were all true. I don’t know. I think sometimes the world puts shit in front of you just to make fun of you. Cause you can’t have it.”

Anonymous asked: You’re right, Red. You can’t keep doing it alone. Max could help both you and Dapper. Would you want to give it a chance?

“Probably drove him away now.” Red must pause to lean against the wall, and you hear him giggle, apparently for no reason. “Safer just to… stay away from people. You know? Do you? Sometimes I feel like you don’t get it at all, but then you say nicer things and I… I’m autistic, you know, that’s okay, like - I like to hear that, I do.”

He’s drifting a little, his eyes getting heavier, slurring worse. He laughs again. You think that’s a laugh.

Anonymous asked: Jackie, when you're not even showing trust in yourself that's a sign that you may need to rely on someone else a little. And sometimes trust requires a bit of faith first, and that can be daunting, but some help is better than none when you're spiraling like this. Max can help you, so can Dapper, and so can you you but you need to accept it first.

He’s beginning to shake again. Maybe shock. He’s very white.

“Should have let him at least… explain.” Red stumbles drowsily. “Would have liked to know where I knew him from. So pretty.”

He blushes red and giggles, nearly tripping again.

“So much blood on my jacket… fucking dirty… bet he thinks I’m g-gross. Compared with him? Pshh. Forget it. Dap? You hear me? I’m real tired, Dap.”

Anonymous asked: You'll have that, Red, all that and more, we promise. Just stay calm and retrace your steps.

“Okay, moving, moving,” he whispers to himself, trailing down the wall, and then - at last - he sees the little cuff wrapped around the doorway, and he remembers. Room 119. He chokes on the relief of it, but, fuck, does he really have to go in there as this much of a failure? Shit, but he wants someone to clean him up right now. So fucking gross. He hates blood. He never understood that about Anti, the way he would laugh while they were both coated in it. He just never seems to care about anything, and Red -

No, no, focus for two more seconds, Ro. It’s okay. He takes a deep, shuddering breath and grabs the doorhandle, fumbling with the key.

Anonymous asked: That's right calming breaths 1..2..3.. keep doing them until you feel like you have the ground below your feet again. For now don't think about the heavy stuff, don't think about the far future. Just think about what you and Dap need for NOW and that's a safe place to recover your strength. Once you're better you should go back to where Dap is, you'll probably run into Max but you'll be better prepared now. Just tell him you can talk later but you and your brother needs help now.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Ground beneath his feet. Run into Max.

For a second, he lets himself imagine it: the familiar stranger on the other side of the door, already looking after Dapper, so Red would know he was safe. He would see Red and hold his hands out all safe and slow again, and Red could let himself faint, and then - well, he’d just be forced to trust him. To use a little of that faith you were talking about. And maybe, then, oh, he can see it - he’d wake up bandaged and maybe even clean. Maybe even Max would get him something to eat. And wash his clothes for him. And say nice things. He’s so tired. He doesn’t know why he’s laughing. Was he supposed to be doing something?

There’s a faint, sleepy tongue-clicking from the other side of the door. Oh, right, the door. He pushes the key in, struggling to twist it, sighing as he hears shuffling in the bed and footsteps padding towards him.

Anonymous asked: Alright, alright, um... Do you see Dap anywhere nearby? As long as you get to Dap I'm sure we can explain things and you could get a lil rest from earlier. -🦀

“Dap?” he croaks through the door.

A whistle. A click. He glances up and sees a bright blue eye - oh, no, a little silver in it - staring back at him through the crack in the door, very wide.

“Oh, no,” he worries, finally unlocking the door and tumbling inside. “You - you okay, Dapper?”

Dapper stares at him, mouth slightly open.

“Blood,” he signs after a moment, pointing.

Red shivers.

“Oh, yeah,” he croaks, collapsing. “Almost forgot about that.”

Dapper’s arms catch him firmly.

Anonymous asked: Hey Dap, buddy can you hear me? Can you try to perform some basic first aid on Red for now? Can't have him bleeding out and all that. Just wrap some makeshift bandage, cloth, an actual roll of bandage, handkerchief or whatever around the wound and put some pressure on it. -🦀

Dapper, to his everlasting credit, is not frozen for one second.

He doesn’t remember much right now. It was a slow, tired night, fighting with monsters who weren’t real, trying to find his old name again, missing any comforting memory, and missing worse any company. He had a two hour conversation with his bear before he realized it was his bear, which was embarrassing even alone. He tried, for a few minutes, to break the beam of the door that held the handcuffs, feeling angry and malicious towards… someone.

But it doesn’t matter now. And it doesn’t matter if he remembers exactly who they were before or who they used to be to the other, because he remembers, if nothing else, how to take care of his family.

Alone for months and Anti never stripped that away, not deep enough, not truly.

He carries Red into the bathroom and sits him down on the seat of the toilet, tapping his chin to keep him from dozing off and whistling a song Red likes. Dermot Kennedy, he thinks. For Red, he knows that name better than his own right now. He is pulling Red’s hoodie off his head as his brother rambles.

“I need to tell you - I saw this guy, and he was like… oh, but Dapper, I shouldn’t have, like - like I need to apologize, I do, I’m sorry, I was dumb, I was really dumb and you told me so, but I didn’t want - I didn’t want - helpless, all the time, so tired of not being able to save you, and I - ”

Dapper cups his chin and pulls his head up so he can look at him. He tangles his hand in Red’s hair for a moment, pulling gently, before he draws away and signs.

“Don’t worry about anything right now,” he says softly. “Just let me look after you. We’ll talk later. Everything’s going to be okay.”

Red is crying. Dapper puts his hand gently on the back of his head and pulls him to rest on his shoulder. Keeps whistling, warm and slow, as he sees the bullet wound in his shoulder. No matter. He’ll get it out.

Just rest. He is stroking it into Red’s shoulder. Let me bear it.

Anonymous asked: Err, James? Why are your eyes silver?

“Sorry,” Dapper signs to you quickly. “A little worked up earlier. Thought I might have to change something. Maybe I still should? Convince him not to go? Then again, I don’t… remember where he was going. Confused night.”

He strokes his mustache for a second, eyes a little distant.

“No, no, I won’t be able to go back like this, not well, psychotic and not remembering. Can’t even find an anchor point. If I can’t remember what to go back to, I can’t go back to it. Is it fading, now?”

He peers at you, blinking. His eyes are not as silver as they were when Red left.

Anonymous asked: yes, it's fading - don't go back, JJ. Something important happened tonight

“Oh?” Dap tilts his head at you sweetly, still deep enough in his head that he’ll beg with his eyes for what he wants. “Important?”

He pauses and his eyes clear for a moment.

“If it’s just that he’s got my medicine, don’t worry, I’d rather he not be shot.”

Anonymous asked: Okay, good. Thanks for taking care of Red, Dap. He's pretty exhausted after all the emotional turmoil today so he really really needs you right now. Just give him some time to basically recharge. Anyway, Red met someone who knew the him from his old name. They've apparently been searching for Red for a while now and seemed really concerned about him. I was thinking maybe once Red's better you could convince him to go seek some aid from the guy if possible. -🦀

“Met someone?” Dapper tilts his head back and forth, thinking. “Maybe I will find him in my head sometime. Maybe not. Oh, go get help? I’m not allowed to leave my room… maybe Red or Anti would go for me?”

He is swiping blood rapidly from Red’s arm, barely pausing to talk to you moment to moment.

“I’m glad Anti is letting me be with my big brother again,” he confesses after a moment. “Even if only because he’s hurt. I used to always clean him up after he would go do his chores. And he would hold me.”

Dapper presses himself close to Red, getting a clear look at the bullet in his arm.

Anonymous asked: Hello Jamie, it’s been a very long night and em Ro here got shot and the bullet is still in his arm and he really needs a bath? Also we met a very nice man named Max and then Jackie had a meltdown in the street and that wasn’t great. Speaking of which if he’s comfortable with it could you give him a big hug for us? I would really like to give him a hug.

Dapper turns you away for a second and you hear a shout, seeing Red’s back spasm for a second, his muscles tighten, and then he groans and slumps down again. Dapper drops a bloodied bullet and his own bloodied knife into the sink and turns you back again.

Bandages, shit. He stares around the room. Towels will have to do. Anti won’t mind if he tears a couple up, right? He’s already started to get used to his new room. They move a lot. He scratched a picture of a duck into the wall when he was waiting for someone to come home to him. Maybe Anti will get him charcoals soon and he can really get into it. He grabs his knife, twirling it neatly in his hands before tearing the nearest towel into strips and beginning to tie his brother’s arm up.

He pauses just to hold onto the back of Red’s head for a moment. Dapper’s shirt is getting wet where his head lies.

Red cries softly against his neck. Dapper strokes his hair. Never his skin. Dapper knows. The important things stick around somewhere, at least some of them. At least enough of them. They are still brothers.

He wraps his arms gently around Red’s waist and squeezes gently, rocking them back and forth a little, on his knees with Red splayed across him, clutching wearily at his stained white dress shirt.

“Bath,” signs Dapper softly, getting to his feet.

Anonymous asked: No! No, I think that you don't have to go back. Red is... He'll most likely recover from this just give him some time and affection. It's prolly good that you guys have a possible person to go to now the person looked pretty concerned when he found Red. Seems that the guy, Max, knew him from Before. Also the silver is sort of fading now. -🦀

“Max,” says Dapper, signing out the letters, slow, thinking for a moment. “I don’t know… I’m not supposed to talk to anyone but my big brothers, so Red would know better than I.”

“He was a tiger,” whispers Red, clinging to Dapper’s shirt. Dapper pats the hem of his pants gently, Red nods, and a moment later you are turned towards the wall as Dapper helps him undress.

“A tiger,” you hear Red again, soft and a little weepy, and Dapper whistles his song clearly into the walls of the bathroom as the water comes on. Soft water laps around the edges of the tub. Red is breathing like he’s asleep already. The mirror fogs from the warmth of it. Dapper keeps whistling. Low and slow. Washing Red clean.

Anonymous asked: Jameson would if you let him, Red.

And this, as it turns out, is the most wonderful truth.

“I didn’t think it was you,” mumbles Red.

He feels a pointer finger tap along his chin. “Who?”

“A memory,” he answers, eyes closed, slumped down in the bath. Warm water slides down his neck. A washcloth sops him clean. Never just fingers - he hates, hates, hates flesh on his flesh - but the soft scratch of the washcloth on his skin. “Or a dream, maybe.”

Dapper is singing for him, a song he can’t remember anymore.

“This person who looked like you… cleaning the blood off of me.”

Dapper covers his eyes and massages shampoo into his hair with his free hand. Red isn’t sure if he’s asleep or not by the time the water begins to drain away and soft hands pull him out of the tub and begin toweling the water off of him. His hair is soft and fluffy and he can smell just soap now. His arm stings badly, but he’s had worse. What matters is that he’s being helped into clean boxers and then -

When was the last time he slept in a bed?

He can’t help but moan and he hears a faint, warm titter, opening his eyes to see Dapper standing over him, wet with blood and water, but smiling for him, small and concerned.

“But it was you,” he murmurs. “It was you who cleaned me up and put me to bed. I’d just… forgotten.”

“I always clean you up,” whisper Dapper’s hands, pausing to brush hair from Red’s eyes. “That’s what twins are for, right?”

Red stares at him.

“What?”

Warm blankets rise over him and sink down.

“You’re tired.” Dapper pulls the sheets to his chin and Red feels his eyelids drifting despite the questions sitting on his tongue. “Get some sleep. Don’t know when Anti will need you again. Have to rest.”

“Dapper?” Red tries, but he is already drifting away.

He feels, for a moment, the words “I love you” pressed against his heart. He’s so warm. He’s so tired. He thinks he manages to get the correct response out, but he isn’t sure. A warm weight sinks into the bed beside him. He curls closer to it in his sleep.

Tonight, this is the only truth that matters.

Dapper lies in bed beside him, and he watches over his brother.

Just like he does every night, right?

End Section Six of Chapter Three: Old Friends

#chapter three #writers of jack

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