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lightwoodsmagic · 4 years

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Ahhh you are so lovely!! I'd love a Ziam drabble any day tbh! Maybe sth where they are long distance friends? Can be romance too, ofc, I just love soft and loving boys!!

Hello again, anon! 🥰 ask and you shall receive! ...even if it’s been like, a whole day and a half, I’m sorry! I got a bit busy. I just can’t write Ziam platonically because, well, they love each other, so have some romance and friends to lovers! I really hope you like it. Thank you so much 💕

💛❤️ 📞

It was freezing on the fire escape, the cold seeping through the coat buttoned up to his neck, snow falling softly at his feet, cigarette smoke blending with every huff of instantly cooled air as clouds rose above Zayn’s head. His leg bounced, jittery, restless as the call he was making went straight to voicemail for the eighth time in ten hours.

It wasn’t like him to miss Zayn’s calls, especially not so many of them, and Zayn had to squeeze his eyes shut against the onslaught of emotions that snapped through his mind.

Missing Liam had never simply been an option. It had always just been a given, something that Zayn had never questioned or fought against when he realised he’d have to live without him for a year. He’d resigned himself to it immediately, the minute he’d accepted the job, and since then it’d become just as much as part of him as the tattoos that inked his skin.

He’d almost begged Liam more than once to move across the world with him, but the words had needed to make a bitter home on the tip of his tongue each time when he remembered that was something boyfriends did, and no matter what he wanted, how deeply he loved, Liam was his best friend, and nothing more.

He took another drag of his cigarette as he shoved his phone back in pocket.

When Zayn had moved to New York six months ago, dream internship finally in his grasp, he’d known that having to leave Liam in London was the thing that’d slowly splinter his heart.

He’d felt it the second he’d stepped back from the crushing good bye hug at the airport, Liam’s hand clutching the back of Zayn’s head; the warning crack in his chest had deepened with each backwards step he’d taken as he’d blinked back tears. The shaky smile on Liam’s face hadn’t been enough to distract from the tear that ran down his own cheek, and it’d taken every ounce of Zayn’s strength not to run back and wrap himself around him, promise him he’d never leave. His mum always said it was the artist in him that made him love so fiercely, want so much, tie himself in knots with how he felt.

Zayn just thought he was a fucking cliché.

He missed his family too, missed dinners on Sundays and showing his art to his Baba, his mum’s fierce hugs and hearing about his sisters’ days, but it was a different kind of intense. When he felt particularly homesick, it pushed to the surface and settled too close within his reach, right there for him to feel with every step.

With Liam, it was bone deep, constant, forcing its way into his cells until he had no choice but to hold the feeling with him everywhere he went. He’d tried to convince himself that maybe the time apart would be good for him, that maybe he’d been in love for Liam for too long, but if anything, it’d made it worse.

He hadn’t seen Liam once since he moved, the trip too expensive to make and no real time to do it. They still spoke every day, Skype calls and constant messages, but he still missed him. He wanted to trace every line of Liam’s face with his fingertips, shove his face into the crook of Liam’s neck and just breathe, needed to feel Liam’s arms tight around his waist, and finally just kiss him until his head was spinning.

Zayn sighed as he stood, jimmying open the window and slipping back inside, trying to escape the cold. Even when it’d been warm here, and he’d been sticky with heat, he’d still felt a slight chill being so far away from everyone, a cool breeze always spreading through him. He felt his phone vibrate with a text, but when he pulled it out of his pocket with fumbling fingers, it was only three words from his sister that he’d already read in the numerous messages she’d already sent.

I’m so sorry.

He’d always been so careful not to let it show with Liam, the love that he felt with every breath, and so far it’d all been fine.

Until Saf had called just over ten hours ago, frantic and crying, and told him that she’d accidentally let it all slip when Liam had been at their house for dinner. It was an accident, she’d cried, and Zayn had listened numbly before the shock hit, just a ‘Well if he wasn’t in love with you’ that’d shot out before she realised, ‘and then we felt like we had to explain it and then he just left Zayn, I’m so sorry’.

And now Liam hadn’t answered any of his calls, and Zayn had been pushing back a near constant panic for hours.

He’d just sent back a ‘I know, it’s okay’ when his screen shifted, and there it was.

A call from Liam.

Well fuck. Now or never.

Zayn pushed out a harsh breath, shook himself, and answered the call. “Li, I’m so sorry,” he started, bringing up his hand to chew on his fingernail, barrelling on before Liam could even speak. “Saf called me and I tried to call you, I did, just so I could explain, yeah? And --”

“Zayn.”

Zayn felt like crying now, Liam’s voice was strong but soft through the phone, and he could imagine the fond look on his face without even needing to see him. “I - yeah?”

There was a slightly awkward cough, but then Liam’s voice held. “Was it true? Are you actually in love with me?”

There was no point lying now. At least if it went to shit, he was hours away. Zayn took a deep breath.

“Yeah, yes. Yes.”

There was no hesitation. “Great. Let me in, it’s fucking freezing.”

It took a moment for Zayn to catch up, for his mind to click that it could only mean one thing, and then he was jogging to the door, flinging it open, and his phone hit the floor with a soft noise.

Liam was here, in the freezing hallway of his apartment building with a suitcase next to him, a scarf wrapped around his neck, stubble on his jaw, a beaming smile and wet eyes. He was here, and Zayn was moving forward before he realised, the situation forgotten as he threw his arms around his neck and just clung.

He hadn’t realised he was crying when a firm arm wrapped around his waist to pull him tightly against Liam’s body, or when a hand came up to run gentle fingers through his hair. He only realised when Liam pulled back, cupping his face and pressing gentle kisses to his eyelids. Zayn let his hands fall to fist in Liam’s shirt.

Liam’s thumbs stroked careful circles over his cheeks. “Zaynie, look at me.” His eyes shot open, and Liam was still right there, beautiful and real, and Zayn couldn’t stop the grin that stretched across his face. Liam grinned back, and held Zayn’s face steady. “I love you too, you idiot.”

And then Liam shifted forward to kiss him, gentle and loving and perfect, and for the first time in months, as the feeling exploded outwards from within and spread through his body, Zayn felt warm.

#anon #ziam #ziamfanfiction #ziam drabble #my drabbles

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celestialallstars · 5 years

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Episode #16: “Well, this is the end folks.” - Stephen

I WANT TO QUIT

I AM GOING TO QUIT

MICHAEL DESERVED BETTER HE WAS MY FUCKING F2 AND BEST FRIEND IN THIS GAME AND IM SO FUCKINF MAD I LOVE HIM WITH MY WHOLE HEART HE DESERVES WAY BETTER THAN THIS FUCK THIS CASST SO MUCH I CANT STOP FUCKING CRYING

#FuckChris

FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST

EITHER IM QUITTING OR IM WINNING OUT OF SPITE WATCH THIS SPACE

Feel like pure shit just want Michael back

Bryce messaging me like “hey bowling ball” SHUT UR FUCKING FACE BRYCE DO NOT START TRYING TO TALK TO ME RN I AM MAD AT YOU

I MADE FINAL FIVE AND I HAVE AN IDOL I LEARNED MY MISTAKES IM MAKING FINAL FOUR I BEAT MY PLACEMENT WOOO I makin sure history dont be repeating doe

Alrighty, I am hoping that one of Chloe or Zach leaves this round. I dont know how the idol is going to go but I think Chloe's the safest bet for us as I still feel Zach could have it. Still, I can't risk a Loris situation so I would prefer it if Stephen won immunity. I do feel bad for him and I just hope he still trusts me even if I lost a little last night. Right now I think if Crystal Clear is the F4 then it could do a lot of good if anyone but Bryce wins it but I hope Stephen is wanting to go to the end still now

So, THAT happened. Chris lied and sided with Bryce and Zach instead of splitting like we planned! Greeaaaaaat.

He says it happened shortly before tribal, but when he told me his reason, he said it was because of Michael attempting to make an F3 deal, which is something that happened the day before.

I did have an interesting chat with Zach where he said me and him are essentially seen as Chris and Bryce's +1's and our chances of winning sitting next to them might be pretty low based on that perception. Obviously I want Bryce out before Chris, but I need to start realistically thinking of cutting Chris at some point. He did go behind my back here and staying blindly loyal despite that just seems foolish. He said he'd use the idol on me this round which is great and all, but if Bryce wins immunity... well... what are my options? Honestly the best case scenario is me or Chris winning immunity just so we can be sure about playing the idol on the one who loses and voting Bryce out.

I hope that bad scenario doesn't have to play out, but let's just say at this point I think Zach and Chloe are my best possible F3. Which is interesting considering I just tried to get Zach out!

It does kinda suck to hear Michael say what he said. I get he was upset but like I dunno. It didnt help but at the same time I don't feel too bad knowing that he made an f3 without me in it. My hope was that it makes the others think more on NOT bringing me to the end so I want to use it to my advantage as much as I can to still win it all if its possible

This vote has been so messy it's ridiculous. I know Chris has the idol and is likely playing it on himself, so I'm trying to get Zach and Chloe to throw their vote on him so me and Chris can decide who goes. I was considering actually voting him out for a bit but I don't think that's feasible without their being an imminent reason for him to use the idol on someone else.

So I told Chloe and Zach the plan, and I told Bryce the plan was Chloe and used idol-fear as my fake reason. Hopefully it's a strong enough justification for him to buy it and just vote for her, but he's immune so he personally has nothing to fear tonight. It's been a hard day and I hope everything pans out as I expect and I'm not on the bad end of all the plans LOL.

im in f4 wooh but no chance at winning i think im gonna be blindsided by zach tonight so thats fun if chris goes im legit over but idk how to fix that i ened to make sure chris votes stephen with me but idt he will

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Chloe: How does michael leaving impact the game?

Michael leaving the game probably means it’s a bit more open for people to make moves and shake things up even more which is TERRIFYING. In my eyes Michael had a lot of control over people that was going unnoticed.

go to an optometrist queen

im trying to do stuff but who knows oh well LOL SDGMLKDSGKDSGKDMSKGDSK i want chris out but he probs has idol all i know is unless theres an idol nullifier i be makin f4 tho

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Chloe is voted out 2-2-1. She becomes the eighth member of our jury.

Watch Chloe’s exit interview take place below:

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Welp! I've survived probably my closest call all game. I wish I could make it to the end while being targeted a bit less but I can settle for this. Anyway, selecting Chloe to be my target ended up being the correct decision, since she was the only person other than me who could be targeted. I'm so close to the end again, and the people still in don't see me as much of a winner threat. I hope they're wrong sksksksksksks

I think winning this immunity challenge and being the reason Bryce goes home could boost my odds quite a bit, but I need to be ready for the possibility of not winning the immunity challenge as well. Still, I have F2 deals with Chris and Zach, so that's another reason to avoid wanting to choose between them here. No reason to make anyone madder than they need to be.

I guess a lot is riding on the last comp and I enjoy it because it does show how it isn't clear cut as far as what will happen next.

ok so results in 2.5 hours and i know im not winning its so sad but its just sth that i have to face. i tried my hardest at endurance but fell alseep. before and after.. i have no brain. counting? literally my least fave thing on orgs the actual anxiety it gives me is unreal. winterbells???? anyways. the puzzle prob the only thign i can do alright at and i just know zach beat me at it too. and like just like my og season i feel like if i dont win i go home.at least there i dont think maynor would have voted me but here i dont have a maynor and i will get 3-1'd even tho i dont think its the right move like ugh this is so sad i rly just wanted to show i deserved my win and my spot on all stars and i cant even win final immunity its so embarrassing why do i even play orgs this will be my last mark my WORDS going out on one of my fave orgs ever will be cute anyway yay wooh haha im so random...

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im so sad like im depressed this sucks im gonna get 3-1'd for WHAT why wont zach take me what could i have done differently except be better at immunity like ive had no agency since f9 rhys blindside and its like that has been annoying but it was always with the end goal being yes i may not have gotten to play how i wanted to but at least ill make ftc how cute. but i dont even get to do that and its like ppl just say i was a shield well i have feelings and i dont like being used as a shield why am i so melodramatic its literally an online game but im just tired of being used and thrown away and so what if ive listened to liability 10 times since i woke up this morning that has nothing to do with me feeling like im a toy that ppl grow bored of.

Its been one heck of a rollercoaster but I have a little faith for this last tribal. I was sad to have lost the final challenge but I feel it can perhaps help my overall game if Im able to make it to the final three. With that in mind, its time to enact my final plan. While I have openly acknowledged Bryce's threat level to people I sorta was in need of certain things falling into place- Zach winning was the first part even if it would have been nice for Stephen/myself. Now is the part I pretty much spell it out for him that taking Bryce not only equals less jury votes but also could take votes that Zach would have since Bryce is viewed as the stronger of the duo. I basically have to make Zach be fully on board to get out his biggest threat to winning.

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As for Bryce, it was nice to play with him but I do hope he is serious about voting Stephen because it then guarantees that not only am I safe but that I can get him out. Alas Justice4Mitch has never died but if I can pull it off after basically convincing Bryce I was not against him while also just painting Zach as a necessary meat shield then I have a chance! I dunno how it would go down with the jury but thats moot until I see "18th person voted out and the final member of the jury...@Bryce"

So I made a bit of a mistake last night. Zach won immunity and I assumed it was pretty clear Bryce was gonna go 3-1 no strings attached, and I told him my reasons for voting him. Bryce isn't giving up though. He came up with a plan with Chris to get Zach to put his vote on Chris, and then the 2 of them vote me out. It's not the craziest idea I've ever heard which is why I think I made a mistake telling Bryce the truth.

Knowing this, I went to Zach and told him everything about this plan. Hopefully it makes Zach too gun-shy to consider voting for Chris and, since I don't think he wants me out that only leaves Bryce as an option. I wish I was immune and had nothing to worry about but here we are! If Bryce can dig himself out of this he'll have a really good shot to win though. And Chris/Zach have to be aware of that.

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im livid im depressed and my hair is such a mess.

this is likely my penultimate confessional [that is lengthy] so here we go.

i won immunity. im so happy. I MADE FINAL TRIBAL!! even if i lose, i still made it here, in an allstar season - which is just phenomenal. top 3 out of 21... WOO! and i beat my placement and improved my game (in my subjective opinion) and so i feel like i got what i wanted out of this game. i didn't even need the immunity tbh but.. it's just a relief to have it because it secures my game and allows me a bit more control than the average person at F4.

when it comes to the vote, i think the frontrunners are chris + bryce. i think neither are a cut-and-dry win, but i think they are the two people that the jury is currently praising to a degree. it's also known that those two are on the chopping block for this round, and i believe i'm in a swing vote position (stephen/chris voting bryce, bryce voting chris - i can tie it or send bryce home).

this is where it becomes tricky. i love all these people, especially bryce. he's my best friend and we've been through this game hand in hand. i would love to see him win, and i would prefer him as a victor over stephen/chris (no offence to them, just as personal taste obviously). but, i think he's an obstacle for me come FTC. the jury has perceived me to be his goat (or just a follower of his), and while that's not true (both bryce and i have played briefly separate games and have taken some control at varying points), perception matters a lot. like, it's not reality - but it is critical to who wins this game. so i think i need to do my utmost best to reverse that perception.

my main strategy throughout merge (and i mentioned this in early confessionals) was to highlight bryce as a bigger threat [giving him another challenge win, hyping him up to people, etc.] so that in our inevitably perceived duo, he would be the bigger fish to fry. while at times this failed (ie f8 when I was the target of the split vote), i fixed it by ensuring jared's elimination because he was the person keeping bryce alive and that was awareness!! woo!! but overall, with the whole "shield strategy", it becomes redundant imo if you take that shield to FTC. bryce, as someone who's been consistently targeted (him and i both tbh), if he gets to the end, that becomes so impressive. even if he hasn't made many moves or whatever, it's that underdog-like story that likely ensures him the gold in my eyes. i would love to see him win!! he's the best candidate (on a personal level) to be sandra diaz-twine (though he's being so fat to me right now, as i am to him though). but i feel like my prominent strategy only ever comes into fruition if i eliminate him, and that's where i'm leaning (and he knows that).

while chris could win (or even stephen, i won't exclude him), it's all a risk. if they do, then good game!! but i think ive played to a great standard and have proven myself, and i've shown divergence from bryce and others and while some moves failed, i attempted to be flexible and that in and of itself speaks a lot! woo!! this is a deserving final four imo (higher than average for most final ours). this allstar season has been hectic, every vote being so diverse, so regardless of the final outcome, it's an achievement that us four made it here.

i could be majorly misinterpreting this game as a whole, but who cares. chris and stephen are both great speakers, so it'll be a tossup in that regard, but i just have to do what's best. maybe i vote out chris though. i'm torn, and it's not because of what anyone has said, it's just an internalized conflict that's like... do i vote out my best friend but i think it's smarter or do i vote out another threat and just hope the jury can recognize that i had a stronger game than perceived.

i think i know the answer though. and i hope that when he (BRYCE LKSDGLKSD i love him im on call with him ill link a pic below) goes to jury he can be my cheerleader... bc i lav him. if not i understand. but I HOPE he doesn't hate me remotely seriously because i value our friendship immensely... but i didn't come here to play for second. will i get second (or third)? sure. it's possible. but at least i didn't *play* for it, if that makes sense.

link to bryce on cam suffocating himself with a pillow in response to me potentially voting him out: https://imgur.com/BgFRtsK

that's all. MAYBE I DONT WRITE ANOTHER CONFESSIONAL THIS IS TOO STRESSFUL AND LONG AND MY FINGERS ARE CRAMPING. but that's it. love yawls. mwah.

IM SO DEPRESSED IM GETTING 3-1 HOW DO I HAVE SUCH BAD SOCIAL GAME WHY AM I THE WORST PERSON TO EVER PLAY THE GAME WHATS THE POINT OF PLAY 77 DAYS IF I CANT BE A TWO TIME WINNER I RUIN MY SLEEP SCHEDULE I PUSH THROUGH MY EPISODES OF SADNESS TO TRY TO WIN AND ITS ALL FOR NOTHING BC IM AN UNLIKABLE AND NO ONE WANTS TO SIT NEXT TO ME IN THE END LIKE THATS SO CRAZY ITS INSANE I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO LIKE ME https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/613389489154293780/634539770583973888/unknown.png

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i thought most betrayed was jared to me but turns out its zach to me

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Bryce is voted out 3-1. He becomes the ninth and final member of our jury.

Watch Bryce’s exit interview take place below:

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Ahhh I cant believe I made it to FTC. Its pretty surreal to have actually made it after everything's that happened! I am so nervous about FTC because I know a lot of people may not be thrilled to see me and I have to do a lot lf convincing...but this is where I have to try to give everything my all and hope it will work out!

Well, this is the end folks.

My final confessional of All-Stars. Will it be my final Celestial confessional? Who knows. All I know at this point is that my speech is ready and I'm speculating as to what questions I will be asked and what my answers will be. Finally being at the end of an ORG is so surreal but winning this thing after all the nonsense would be so sweet.

Making it to the end with Chris is great too, even if I kinda wish he was just on the jury supporting me. This is our second time playing an ORG together but the first time we played we both went pre-merge, so this really is a big deal for us.

I'm proud of the game I've played though, and I want to make sure that comes across tonight. Even if I ultimately end up losing I won't let myself be called a goat or "just playing for FTC". I came here to win from the very beginning and by the end of the night everyone is going to know that.

I am so nervous for this FTC that I don't think I'll do that good, BUT I'm gonna put on my acting abilities and pretend I am confident and own everything I can! It's do or die and I'm not ready to be six feet under yet!

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So I'm very happy with myself when its all said and done! This was such a journey for me in that whether I win or lose I feel satisfied with myself because I had highs and lows and learned things- wishing my fellow finalists the best of luck and huge thank you to the hosts for allowing this to even exist here :)

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Zach wins in an 8-1-0 vote!

#episode #shinebright

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