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gingerfiend117531-blog · 7 years

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Hear No Evil

Voice: “Ictiva … Solus … Omishos.”

*From the darkness, a peculiar growth of noise percolates through the darkness, ethereal and unearthly*

*A voice fades in after the eerie and fairly random incantation…*

???: ... Finally got it working! I was afraid I’d have to ask Connor to look at this piece of junk... Suppose that’s what I get for renting a janky microphone from the library.

Now, if I just hit this button here… *Click goes the microphone* ???: Light’s flashing… oh wait. Damn. It totally just recorded that.

*Another Click*

(Irritated blowing of air between lips)

???: Once more. Get this thing done. Then, Ultra Violent Sisters with Panni. Breathe.

(??? Inhales, and then exhales exasperatedly)

*Adjusting sounds of a nozzle can be heard, followed by a Click, and then:*

*Silence*

???: … Nope. Nothing. Nothing is coming to me.

*Click*

???: Who wants to even listen to a weirdo talk about college in a parallel dimension. That’d just be dumb.

*Shifting and shuffling noises are heard as ??? fidgits*

???: Professor Ynori will probably think it’s stupid. But I mean; what else am I going to use trans dimensional communication magic for anyway?

*There is a beat, a pause in soliloquy*

???: Oh, Welcome back. … What? No, don’t worry Euphrates: I wasn’t recording. And even if I was, I put a charm on the microphone so it’ll only pick up sounds from me.

(??? Snorts in response to something Euphrates suggests)

???: No, I will pass on your help. I don’t want Ynori to get on your ass for helping me out with my personal project for my screw up.

*Silence, followed by ??? chuckling*

???: Yes: exactly. “Delphius is a huge wiener!” would totally match my ‘journal’s’ aesthetic… Anyway; what are you doing back so soon from practice?

*The audience now connects that ‘???’ is symbology to represent Delphius*

(The other individual who is almost certainly attractive, and is named Euphrates, responds in the absence of noise)

Delphius: Oh, I gotcha. I’ll just check these emails and then I’ll bounce so you can have some peace…

(Delphius murmurs the summaries of emails)

Delphius: Advocates for Pixie Justice… Meatloaf in the cafeteria for dinner… Overdue assign-

DUDE! Come on! Warn me before you take off your boxers!

(Pause, most likely a retort from Euphrates after an uncalled for outburst)

Delphius: It’s not so much the fact you’re naked in the room, as it is the fact that I don’t fancy seeing your junk. Or much less, anyone’s.

(Another cessation of speaking, perhaps the Roommate apologizing, until Delphius is heard again)

Delphius: No, I’m sorry to be a pest… Honestly I should just get over it.

(Glorious void of sound transcends all until once again broken by the Prude)

Delphius: Naw, thanks for understanding… But um… Can you keep that book covering your - Yes. Exactly. Just like that. Don’t move.

*He pauses*

Delphius: Beautiful. Now then.

*A click, not unlike the microphone’s but ever so slightly higher pitched is emitted*

(Again, Delphius is muttering under his breath, reading aloud Email-Titles.)

Delphius: Mortals of earth; hear me! I come to you with tidings of - That’s spam mail… Spam, spam, Nigerian Prince, spam…

*It is most certainly a mouse click that is heard*

(An instance of Euphrates potentially speaking to Delphius is indicated by lack of noise)

Delphius: Yuuup. Yeah, be careful. Looks like a weirdo email going around right now, probably has some kinda virus… Anyway, I’m going go to the study room to record; see you in awhile.

*Nothing can be heard for several minutes*

*A door closes, swinging on ancient hinges*

Delphius: Okee dokee. No naked tiger roommates, just me and a boring project. Let’s do this.

*A crescendo of silence overtakes the senses*

*Click*

Delphius: Hello and welcome to Scaldor’s Grant Academy and I’m going to talk about I wanttttt…. Aaaahhhhvvvvvvv…

*Raspberry in response to the word vomit*

Delphius: Muh. . . What should I even do for an opening? … Radio show hosts do not get enough credit for their eloquence…

*Distinct Inspiration of Respiration*

*Prominent Exhalation*

Delphius: Think ... Focus. Cheesy quote about inspiration… Onu, Sod, Sert…

Got it. Just… Think.

*A complete breath cycle*

Delphius: Divines. Guide my tongue. Unload my mind. Free my heart.

*An eternity seems to pass but in a moment before the familiar Click is sounded*

Delphius: Across a vast, yet transient gap in reality, the world of Splinter exists as a pocket between realms. And in this little pocket, a reclusive collegiate student is struggling to pass Magicks Class. And this is his attempt at doing so. Through remedial class projects.

*Pause*

Delphius: You are mortals. And we are the Fae. You also call us monsters, cryptids, fiends, demons, spirits, and a whole grocery list of other things. But no matter what you call us, we do exist. Just not on Earth. Not anymore, since humans discovered the Fae’s secret to magic.

(There is a flicker of doubt in Delphius’ voice)

Delphius: Do humans even know about magic… ?

I mean: I’m sure you’ve been introduced to the idea of magic. I don’t really know what humans do for their education on that topic. I’ll explain, just in case.

Anything and everything considered miraculous could be called ‘magic’. Eurasian seas being parted, summoning devils to grant you omniscience, finding your missing car keys on the first attempt. That sort of thing. That is what we would and should consider ‘magical’ in nature. Makes sense? No? We’ll try another time.

Now originally, we, the Fae, were the only ones with magic. But there’s a price that comes with such power. No free lunch syndrome, I’ve heard it called.

(Delphius scoffs, then resumes his rant)

Delphius: Being gifted with magic, we also were given a price; our free will.

Now, that doesn’t mean we can’t go to the supermarket whenever we please, or that we can’t worship the Divines as we like. Oh no. It’s something a little more devious and subtle.

Fae have True Names. As in, a secret name that, if a Mortal or other Fae Creature discovered it, we as an individual would be totally and entirely enslaved to the holder of our True Name. If they so chose to do so. Three guesses as to what human magi did that figured out these names? That’s right! You! The person staring at the glowing rectangle! Many Fae became the slaves of Mankind with this finding! *A clapping is heard, the noise as sarcastic as percussive noise can be made*

Delphius: With this discovery, our birthright of magic became our undoing. By binding Fae with their True Names, humans could finally use magic. Our magic. And a lot of us over on Splinter’s side are still very afraid of that possibility.

I don’t see it productive to be afraid, and totally blame mortals. I mean, I’m sure humans were in the right to fear humongous, terrifyingly ugly, and/or magic wielding creatures running around your neck of the woods. Frankly, I’d probably try to figure out how to get them to do what I’d want too. But all the same; the Fae of old knew that they were no longer welcome on Terra, or Earth as ‘y’all’ call it. So, we tore off a chunk of the realm of Terra, and with it, created Splinter, where the Fae have lived ever since.

*A moment of consideration brings about a break in monologue*

Delphius: Oh, and just so you humans don’t feel like you were cheated; each and every one of you has entirely free will. Sure, there may be a possibility you have true names, but even in any books on the subject, you can’t be bound by your soul to do some weirdo sadist’s biddings. Methinks that, instead, it has something to do with contracts … I dunno; probably not important. But it only makes sense that nothing in this universe is so clean cut. Which leads me to my next talking point.

There are scars from the the creation of Splinter, and the Gap, which is space in realms between Terra and Splinter. As the ‘Scar’ implies, it’s not a clean cut. There are still portions of our worlds that are connected. Probably for the best anyway; it’d probably mean oblivion for the Fae if we were entirely secluded, and cut off from Terra.

Butthese scars; the Fae call them Tethers. Tethers are points where both Splinter and Terra overlap, existing in the same time and space as each other. There are other weird properties about Tethers too, but short and sweet, that’s why humans see weird crap they can’t explain. Mostly.

(There is a sucking sound, as though Delphius is biting his lip in ponderation)

Delphius: It comes to my attention the idea of tethers may be too abstract from that description. Try this approach to try and understand Tethers:

they are Crystal Pillars. You can see through them but they also prevent the roof from falling down on your head.

(Delphius says nothing for a moment, evaluating his suggestion)

Delphius: ... On second thought, please try to erase that from your mind and draw whatever other conclusions you want to about Tethers. It is probably much more accurate.

(An obvious cough to serve as a weak diversion is performed)

Delphius: Crappy analogies aside, the next time you see flashing, unidentified lights randomly dancing around the sky? It’s probably some Splintarian Father playing Lazertag with his son. Mysterious footsteps in your attic? Probably a mage pacing around. Ghost finder app on your phone going nuts? … You should go get that checked out.

Did I mention that Lazertag is a professional sport here?

I will apologize for so suddenly bringing it up, but I do think I should make it clear: I only know a few things about lazertag because of my siblings. I do not ‘sport’ as many would say. So don’t ask me the details please. It gets complicated. *Word stew is chewed about in Delphius’ mouth before the thought continues*

Delphius: … I’ll be real with you; no school facts, just me facts. I don’t do much of anything. That’s how I like it. School is boring because I hate lecture, physical activity is too draining and involves too many people, and the only reason I am doing this remedial project is so I can eventually get credit for this magic class.

Now I know what you’re probably thinking. “Magic class?! Does this mean you are getting an education in the arcane arts at a center of learning that is similar to a magnificent and copyrighted academy of the mystical? How could you not be excited?!”

Yes, no, and quite simply are my answers, and in this order. I can try to explain my college some other time, but I assure you; if I actually get this recording approved, you’ll be disappointed. There are not many ‘whimsical’ things to discover in the eternal labyrinth in the basement. Far from it.

Really? School time means studying for biology, praying you get a pass on your English paper, and hoping that blob of brown goo you concocted in Homemaker’s Alchemy is not Caustic to skin.

So I’ll share the short story for now: Skalder’s University. It is one of the major magical universities of Splinter. I attend Skalder’s. Our mascot is a Toad so I am a Warter. So are my moms... they are Alumni.

*A distinct gurgling and gnashing of teeth can be heard, as well as an apprehensive “Hmmm…”*

Delphius: My friends, are Warters if they attend Skalders. Skalder’s is an ancient school, dusty old people and faculty: you’ll probably never see it because humans should stay out of Splinter. Because of previously mentioned issues and prejudices. *Bitter chuckling*

Delphius: So now here’s the kicker; why bother paying ludicrous amounts of drachma to attend a stuffy school that doesn’t even offer your major of interest? The instruments.

The incredible amount of thaumaturgical instruments available to students is astounding. With these tools, I can perform research on …

(A notable pause. Delphius seems hesitant to continue his statement, but relinquishes his thought)

Delphius: Research the mortal world. Which, in my eyes, seems so much more interesting than anything magic could offer.

(Deliberate silence meant for building suspense is shattered just as suddenly as appearing)

Delphius: I mean, think about it! Humans serve as the role models for our language and customs in Splinter. And we’ve taken so many ideas from you guys: and I want to just know more about you. And I can do that while I’m at Skalders. There’s not a chance at home cause I couldn’t afford the instruments or equipment. Heck; even if I could, I’d probably just waste my time with a hand down my pants watching Kitsune Frenzy Force Versus the Kappa Commandos.

Now I know this sounds like a bad idea, being so interested in humans while I’m a Fae being. But I assure you; I’m not planning on trading my voice to a sea witch or some weird deal like that. I think I’ve heard about a movie that goes like that, and I don’t fancy becoming seafoam. Or having a potential love interest become magically seducted. Been there, done that. Not fun, let me tell you...

(There is an uncomfortable tension in the air as a faint ringing, or buzzing sounds now permeates the broadcast)

Delphius: This is my interest, though. My thing. My vocation. I can feel it in my incredibly skinny bones. I want to know about humanity.To try and envision what it’d be like to have humanity instead of Faeship. I want to see what humans do with their free will; how they handle life’s problems without magic so readily available. Why they think like they do, what they think of magic.

Probably doesn’t sound exciting, but coming from someone who doesn’t even know his ancestral heritage, I find the idea exciting…

(Delphius pauses and plays with an idea)

Delphius: Wouldn’t it be something if I were part human? And I spend hours upon hours researching them only to discover that I have lineage of mankind running in my veins? . . .

(There is a sharp halt of momentum, and a trailing, “Eh…”)

Delphius: Actually, no: that would make for some sort of really cliche drama that I actually don’t fancy much. The more I think about it, I pray to the divines that’s not the case. It’d be a really crappy, ironic plot twist to my life. But I could totally see it too.

*There is perchance an instance of Delphius waving his hand ambivalently, though the sound of the action cannot be captured*

Delphius: Anyways, ignoring that silly thought, I should probably wrap up this recording. The microphone is violently shaking and foaming at the mouth, which means it’s low on battery.

I know that this will very likely never reach human ears, but all the same; thank you. It means a lot that you took the time to listen. Especially you, Dr. Ynori. I appreciate this opportunity.

This is Delphi, signing out.

*Click*

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