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inevitably-johnlocked · 5 years

Note

Any new bottom!lock? Preferably short please!

Hi Nonny!

I’ve got lots of Bottomlock! I’ve been sorting them for awhile when someone asked me for Toplock stuff, so here’s what I’ve sorted so far! As per usual, all my shorter fics are at the top, so you can go down the list until you reach a word count you don’t want to read anymore XD

Enjoy!

BOTTOMLOCK (2019)

See also: Toplock / Bottomlock

Tied by beejohnlocked (E, 1,029 w. || PWP, Bottomlock, Bondage) – Sherlock ties John up and rides him.

Public by beejohnlocked (E, 1,703 w. || Bottomlock, Butt Plugs, Public Sex, Anal, Slight Rimming) – Sherlock cannot wait. John doesn’t mind.

Let the Sun Fade Out by nothingislittle (E, 2,711 w. || Fluff & Smut, Praise Kink, PWP, Obsessed Sherlock, Bottomlock, Heart-Tearing Love) – “He could warm the sun itself, Sherlock thinks, could heat their flat with just his presence, could brighten the room with one dazzling smile or just the sparkling in his eyes. John is everything, he’s beautiful and he shines, he’s everything.”

Straight Shooter by nefariosity (E, 3,249 w. || Est. Rel., Light Dom/Sub, Military Kink, PWP) – Sherlock has a military kink. John indulges him.

Bathroom Accessories by Evenlodes_Friend (E, 3,324 w. || Sex Toys, Butt Plug, First Kiss / Time, Romance, Horny Sherlock, John’s Patience Wears Thin, Humour, Bottomlock) – John discovers that Sherlock has been playing with some very adult toys in the bath.

In Nomine by Atiki (E, 3,517 w. || Est. Rel., PWP, Anal, Domesticity, Love Confessions, Sherlock Loves John, Overwhelmed Sherlock) – “Alright?” John asks gently, planting a kiss on Sherlock’s left collar bone, smoothing a hand down his chest and belly until it rests in the soft trail of hair below his belly button. John’s smile is all soft and warm. His hand feels tender and solid and real. A soldier’s hand. A surgeon’s hand. A lover’s hand. Oh. “John”, Sherlock gasps. And that’s where it begins. Written for a prompt on the Kink Meme: The only word Sherlock says during sex is “John”.

Spoils of War by sweetcupncakes (E, 3,563 w. || Bottomlock, Military Kink, Comeplay, Anal) – John brushes his thumb over the gun’s slide, over the rear sight. Sherlock’s mouth feels too wet. He could lick John’s fingers, suck on them, bite down softly on that callus that is a direct result of John’s frequent need to handle the gun at all. Sherlock could do that, John might like it, really. Sherlock has been told his mouth is absolutely lovely.

Morning Sunlight by slashscribe (E, 3,565 w || PWP, Morning Sex, Fluff, PWP, Established Rel., Soft Idiots) – A thin band of soft morning light peeks between the curtains and stretches across John’s torso, laying dormant across his forearm, dipping into the space between his arm and his chest, illuminating his right nipple but just brushing the edge of his left, disappearing into his armpit, and reappearing again right over Sherlock’s eyes where his head rests, nestled against John’s shoulder. Sherlock is not annoyed by the light’s intrusion on his sleep, not when it rests so soft and tantalizing on John’s skin, a work of unintentionally erotic art. A PWP with so much emotion.

Rumpled by WhimsicalEthnographies (E, 3,601 w. || Est. Rel., Insecure Sherlock, Fluff, PWP, Proposal, Bottomlock) – Then, halfway through a documentary on river otters that neither of them was paying attention to–how could John, with a gangly, limp consulting detective practically purring in his lap?–Sherlock suddenly bolted upright, looked at John with a perplexed expression and a crinkle above his nose, and blurted, “Marry me.” Part 4 of Longitudinal Cohort

Happy anniversary by Salambo06 (E, 3,772 w. || Est. Rel., Vulnerable Sherlock, Wedding Anniversary, Anal, Texting, Lingerie) – John inhaled deeply, feeling his cock pulse under the silk gown, and he let his eyes travel on the lean body in front of him. Sherlock was kneeling on the bed, their bed, and the picture had been taken so John could perfectly see his bare chest and pelvis. But what mattered most, what made John harden rather quickly, was the pair of panties Sherlock was wearing in the picture. Black, string over each hip and laces that outlined Sherlock’s erect cock barely hidden under the soft underwear.

Well Begun Is Half Done by Avice (E, 3,897 w. || Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Anal/Oral, Seduction, John in Charge, Pining Sherlock, John’s Penis, Bottomlock) – Sherlock is putting together an elaborate plan of seducing John. John grows tired of waiting and takes matters into his own hands.

Lingerie by Sexxica (E, 4,135 w. || Valentine’s Day, Lingerie / Women’s Underwear, Mildly Public Masturbation, Picture Texting / Sexting, Bottomlock, Body Worship, Anal Sex / Fingering, Rimming, Orgasm Delay / Denial, Est. Rel.) – It’s Valentines Day and Sherlock is taking John to Angelo’s for dinner. Sherlock also happens to be wearing a garter belt, stockings and a rather small pair of women’s underwear under his clothes. There’s no dessert at Angelo’s because John needs to get Sherlock home just as quickly as he can before they both lose their minds entirely.

Keep Each Other Company by orithea (E, 4,600 w. || Est. Rel., Threesome, Self-cest, Time Traveller Sherlock) – One Sherlock is demanding enough. Two of them are impossible to resist. Part 3 of The Time Traveller’s Flatmate

The Prize We Sought Is Won by deathfrisbees (E, 4,610 w. || First Time, Mild D/S, Oral, Military Kink, Bottomlock) – Sherlock’s in love, or in lust, or both – unfortunately, the object of his affections is not only his completely oblivious flatmate, but said flatmate would probably run screaming into the hills should he find out. John’s been invited to a wedding – unfortunately, the groom used to serve under him back in Afghanistan, and requests that John wear a uniform he’s honestly not sure he fits into. Unfortunately for both flatmates, Sherlock’s got a military kink the size of Kandahar and John wants to know if he actually can fit into this uniform or if his eyes are deceiving him. It goes from there.

Butterfly, Pinned Under Glass by billiethepoet (E, 4,648 w. || Possessive Sherlock, Jealousy, Barebacking, BAMF!John) – It started as a desire to keep John safe and whole, and ended up as just desire.

a violent flash of purple by hudders-and-hiddles (E, 4,749 w. || Sex Toys, Friends to Lovers, PWP, Love Confessions, Porn With Feelings) – When Sherlock accidentally drops his towel, he ends up revealing a whole lot more than he’d intended.

Linger by queenoftrivia (E, 4,908 w. || Lingerielock, Fluff and Smut, BJ / HJ, Bottomlock, Dirty Talk) – Sherlock decides to surprise John after a somewhat stressful day at work.

Strings by EstherShapiro (E, 5,267 w. || Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Massage, Friends to Lovers, Fingering, Anal, PWP) – Sherlock wakes his doctor up. Was this weird? John was sitting on his bed, late at night, rubbing his hands over another man’s body? That was supposed to be weird, right? Then again, this wasn’t just some man, it was Sherlock. They were so used to each other that John didn’t even think to question it. It wasn’t weird.

Midnight Plowboy by weeesi (E, 5,399 w. || Est. Rel., Fake Vintage Gay Erotica, Anal, PWP, Roleplay) – “Does it feel like I’m sure?” John whispers into Sherlock’s ear. Sherlock swallows again.

Times Two by WhimsicalEthnographies (E, 5,595 w. || Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Victorian John, Modern John, Sherlock has a Good Imagination, PWP, Bottomlock, Spitroasting) – “But you’re not that John…” “Of course I am,” John’s lips and mustache brush against Sherlock’s mouth as he talks. “All us Johns are that John, now. That John is in every room in your Palace.” He leans in for another messy kiss, tongue swirling all around the inside of Sherlock’s mouth. “In fact,” he moves to suck on the sensitive skin underneath Sherlock’s ear. “I think I hear him coming right now.”

Excerpts from Purgatory by reapersun, what_alchemy (E, 5,829 w. || Post-TRF, Doctor John, Reunion Fic, Rough Sex, Angry Sex, Bottomlock, Fic with Pics) – John serves community service in homeless shelters for chinning the superintendent. Unbeknownst to him, the Homeless Network has his back.

Survival Strategies for the Domesticated British Butthole by Atiki (E, 6,183 w. || Crack, Rimming, Anal Sex, Iced Lolly, Hair Removal, Depilation) – In which there’s a rimming disaster, Sherlock depilates his butt, everything goes very, very wrong and groceries are mistreated. This fic contains hair removal creme in a butthole, ice lollies in a butthole and John Watson’s penis in a butthole. You have been warned.

Talk by illwick (E, 6,364 w. || Dirty Talk, John’s Giant Junk, PWP, Light BDSM, Size Kink, Oral / Anal, Rough Sex, Dirty Talk, Established Rel.) – Sherlock was never much for dirty talk… until an unexpected visit yields unexpected results. Part 20 of Unwind

Inside by magikspell (E, 6,757 w. || Loss of Virginity, Anal / Rimming, Fluff, Humour, Awkwardness, Shy Sherlock, Bottomlock) – “Being inside someone. Feeling someone inside you.”

Abatement by WhimsicalEthnographies (E, 6,816 w. || Est. Rel., Retirementlock, Fluff, Sherlock’s Self Esteem, Grumpy Sherlock, Idiots in Love, PWP, Fluff and Smut, Bottomlock) – “What’s wrong with you? You love the cottage,” John glances over to the passenger seat, then quickly turns his eyes back to the road. Driving was still not his forte, but considering Sherlock still couldn’t properly bend and lift his new knee enough to press and release the clutch, he had to make do. Not that Sherlock hadn’t tried to argue his way into the driver’s seat. “I love the cottage for a week or two, John. Don’t be deliberately obstuse,” Sherlock grumbles, sinking further in his seat. Well, as best he can with a four-week-old knee replacement. “And that’s all we’re going for, love,” John says out loud. But what he’s thinking is, shit. He knows.

The space between by Salambo06 (E, 6,830 w. || PWP, Friends to Lovers, Masturbation, Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Miscommunications, Bottom Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Sexual Fantasy) – “It’s for a case,” Sherlock says as soon as John looks down at his computer. John remains silent for a long moment, eyes moving from the screen to Sherlock, before saying, “You don’t have to explain.” His voice is low, too low, and Sherlock looks at the computer, putting the video on pause. “Lestrade asked me-, no, forced me to find out who’s threatening a famous porn star, and the suspect is among his co-stars, so I only need to watch out for any signs from his partners, anything that might show they’re the one sending those threats and I can move to something else.” “Right.”

A Kiss and a Cuddle should be Sufficient by Evenlodes_Friend (E, 6,853 w. || Gay Sex Club, Fake Relationship, PWP, Orgies, Rimming, BJ’s, Violence, Case Fic, Voyeurism) – Going undercover, Sherlock and John pursue a vicious killer to a gay group sex party. Not unexpectedly, things get a little out of hand. Set after Baskerville, but before the Fall.

Caught In The Act Series by ShirleyCarlton (E, 7,009 w. across 6 stories || Est. Rel, Voyeurism, Character POV’s, Masturbation, Switchlock) – This is a series of six scenarios written from the points of view of six different people as they accidentally walk in on Sherlock and John having sex. (A couple stories in the series are Bottomlock, just check the tags :))

Beg for Mercy (Twice) by Solitary_Endeavor (E, 7,060 w. || Est. Rel., Bottomlock, Bearded John, Edging, Rough Sex, Idiots in Love, Canon Compliant) – Sherlock hasn’t left the flat in four days, the itch of impatience beneath his skin too great to allow him to suffer interaction with any human being who isn’t John. This is probably a mercy that goes both ways, as he’s driving even himself mad. Sherlock supposes there is a lesson to be learned here about having himself to blame, but of course he blames Mycroft.

Of Razors, Pipes, Red Notebooks and Rugby Jerseys, Or: Sherlock Doesn’t Like His Doctors Clean Shaven by allonsys_girl (E, 7,313 w. || Est. Rel., PWP / Porn With Feelings, John’s Beard / Beard Kink, Roleplay, Love Declarations, Banter, Rimming, Anal, Domestic Fluff / Bliss, Idiots in Love, Emotional Lovemaking, Pet Names, Obsessive Sherlock, Sherlock POV, Bottomlock, Cranky Sherlock) – John grows a beard. Sherlock really likes it. Part 1 of Consulting Husbands

I can’t pretend by Salambo06 (E, 7,692 w. || Fake Relationship, Victor Trevor, Jealous John, Miscommunications, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Anal, BJs) – They had arrived more than a hour ago, and the moment they had walked inside the hotel reception, John had understood why Sherlock hadn’t wanted to come. Two men, posh suits and expensive watches on their wrists, had come to greet them with sharp remarks and badly hidden mockery, and John had seen red. Sherlock hadn’t said anything, mostly ignoring the two men entirely, and without thinking twice about it, John had slid an arm around Sherlock’s waist and introduced himself as his husband.

C. sapiens by patternofdefiance (E, 8,813 w. || Tentacles Porn, Magical Realism, Bottomlock, Anal / Tentacle Sex, Pheremones) – “A few weeks ago I would have thought you were impossible,” Sherlock begins, walking into the kitchen in his blue robe, and John – not quite catching on – wants to scoff and argue, No, actually, you are impossible, but then Sherlock continues: “But now I’d say you are improbable.” John thinks this might be flattering, if he could wrap his head around it, but he can’t – Sherlock is standing near, steaming his sun-baked-clean-sand smell, like the beach after rain, an alive smell, an other smell. It’s intoxicating, and John has been studiously avoiding it, but he can’t shift away now it’s so near. Now Sherlock’s so near. And then Sherlock ruins the probable-loveliness of his words and the definite-beauty of his presence by saying: “And by ‘improbable’ I mean ‘not yet scientifically acknowledged.’” Part 1 of Gifts from the Sea

Unwasted by patternofdefiance (E, 8,966 w. || Post-S3 / S3 Fix-It, Developing Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Angelo’s, Fluff, First Time, Anal, Cum Play, Flashbacks to ASiB, Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, Bottomlock, Cuddles, Multiple Orgasms, BJ’s, Bed Sharing) – John finds it three months after he’s moved back. He’s on the hunt for something to make for dinner, is scrounging through the cupboards, when he happens upon the graveyard of pasta boxes Sherlock still seems to create when left to his own devices. Behind seven boxes of pasta, all almost completely empty, is a dark-glassed bottle, with a paler coat of dust.It’s unopened. John’s face falls slack when he sees it, instantly recognises it, and for a long moment he just stands and looks at it.

The Newlywed Game: Johnlock Edition by patternofdefiance (E, 9,020 w. || Fake Relationship, Fake Marriage, Friends to Lovers, Humour, Romance, Smut, Case Fic, Self-Esteem Issues) – John and Sherlock pretend to be married in order to be contestants in a Newlywed Game. Of course it’s for a case. Of course it doesn’t stay that way. Part 8 of I Blame Tumblr

Praise Me by testosterone_tea (E, 11,813 w. || Sherlock POV, Bottomlock, Dev. Rel., Virgin Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, BJ’s, Anal, Praise Kink, Understanding John, Public Sex, Rimming, Hand Jobs) – In which Sherlock has an interesting physical reaction to compliments and John discovers it.

Your Eyes in Darkness Glowing by tamed_untranslatable (E, 14,686 w. || Est. Rel., Bottomlock, Hotel Sex, Case Fic, Russia, Anal, BJ’s) – Sherlock gets roped into a case in Moscow on his brother’s insistence, but finds that he can’t do it without John.

In A Changing Age by allonsys_girl (E, 15,590 w. || Victorian AU, Virgin / Demi Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, Mild H/C, Bottomlock) – Sherlock wakes up in the 19th century, with no idea how he got there.

A Silver Sixpence by doodle (E , 16,400 w. || LIVEJOURNAL || Fake Relationship, Fake Marriage, Case Fic, ) - John and Sherlock have to get married for a case, and learn some things about each other. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this story, though it’s on LJ.

Between Friends by SilentAuror (E, 18,036 w. || Post S3, Alternating POV, Friends to Lovers, John in Denial, Abduction, Awkward Situations / Miscommunications, Porn With Feels, Blowjobs, Pining, Unrequited, Angst With Happy Ending) – Sherlock gets abducted. As John discovers him tied up naked in an empty storage facility and comes to rescue him, Sherlock’s body has an unfortunate reaction which triggers a series of events. John is convinced that everything will be fine as long as they never discuss it. Sherlock isn’t as sure…

State of Flux by Atiki (E, 24,655 w. || S3 Fix It, Sherlock POV, Slow Burn, First Kiss/Time, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Cuddles and Snuggles, Awkwardness, Insecure/Virgin Sherlock, Romance, Humour, Masturbation, Love Declarations, Bottomlock, Brief Suicidal Ideations) – John’s marriage is over and he is finally back home (i.e. at Baker Street, where he belongs). Sherlock is awfully insecure and John is awfully hesitant, and they’re both awkward idiots, of course, but they figure it out. Many First Times happen.

An Acquired Taste by kinklock (E, 31,059 w. || Vampires AU || Vampire Sherlock, Misunderstandings, Bat!Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Humour, Magical Realism, Fluff and Angst, Blood Drinking, Holmes Family, Slow Burn) – At Montague Street when Sherlock was forced to sate his body’s needs, he was at least able to wander about the flat as much as he pleased.At Baker Street, it was mini-bags in a mini-fridge and bedroom confinement.

The Midas Touch by flawedamythyst (E, 32,231 w. || Magical Realism, John has a Magical Cock, Dub Con, Healer John) – John Watson has a medical condition that means everyone he sleeps with is instantly healed of all illness and injury. This causes complications when Sherlock breaks his arm, and even more complications when Sherlock falls in love with him. Yes, this is a story where John has a literal magic healing cock. It’s a lot less cracky than you’re probably imagining. Warning: Contains complex issues of sexual consent, although not between Sherlock and John.

A Study In Auto-Signatures, Sniper Dolphins, and Sex Holidays by cwb (E, 32,690 w. || Case Fic, Post S3, Evil Mary, Dev. Rel., Beach Holidays, Confused Sherlock, Friends to Lovers, Honeymoon, Epistolary, Bottomlock, First Kiss / Time, Fluff, Secret Agents, BAMF!John) – John and Mary go on their sex holiday, and Sherlock is grumpy and pining about it. Part 1 of HOT DOLPHIN SEX

a good old-fashioned happy ending by darcylindbergh (E, 32,731 w. || Christmas, Frottage, Comfort, Est. Rel., Fluff, Insecure Sherlock) – For Christmas this year, Sherlock wants to get John something special: something every fairytale deserves. Part 2 of things fairy tales are made of

The Real Great Perfumers by shelleysprometheus (E, 45,355 w. || Case Fic, Alternating POV, Gay Sherlock / Bi John, Canon Compliant with Divergence at TRF, Friends to Lovers, Oral / Anal, Pining, First Kiss / Time, Dev. Rel., Drugging, Body Worship, Bathing, Love Confessions, Travelling, Bottomlock, Cranky Sherlock, BJ’s, Alternating POV, Jealous John) – The case, this case. This extraordinary, fascinating, scintillating case. A house. Designed entirely by its eccentric owner, built by no less than five hundred expert tradesmen in the heart of Marrakesh. A house that had, seemingly not only driven its owner out, but also to his quite unpleasant death. And a perfumer, a chemist no less, the very thought of the secrets that house could reveal, would reveal was irresistible. Sherlock had to have this case … and it seems, he also had to have John! Part 1 of the Forethought and Fire series

Spare Change by Ermerness (E, 51,966 w. || Rich Holmeses AU || First Kiss / Time, Holmes Family, Virgin Sherlock, Anal, First Meetings, Bossy Bottom) – The Holmes family is one of the richest and most powerful in England. Sherlock spends his time flying around the world on the family’s private jet drinking a lot and shopping at expensive boutiques as a way of trying to alleviate his endless boredom. His mother decides it’s time he settles down with someone powerful, wealthy and well connected. John Watson happens to be none of those things.

A Further Sea by i_ship_an_armada & ShinySherlock (E, 125,492 w. || Historical Pirates AU || Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Doctor John / Pirate Captain Sherlock, Sailing, UST / RST, Masturbation, Action / Adventure, Mild Angst & Peril, Romance, Shaving, Molly/Janine, Bottomlock, Hand / Blow Jobs, Past Drug Use, Slow Burn, Mild Violence, Happy Ending) – Here be a tale of adventure for both body and soul, but beware if ye be not of stout heart, for this be piratelock, ya savvy? Luckless ship’s surgeon John Watson takes a chance, and finds himself eye to eye with The Ghost, the scourge of the seven seas and a definite thorn in the side of the blaggard, James Moriarty. But when John finds there’s more to this most cunning pirate than be meetin’ the eye, he has to choose… is it a pirate’s life for him?

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #lemon fics #my fic recs #Anonymous #bottomlock #fic rec sunday

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foodcourtdetective · 7 years

Text

The Connor Project: American Tour (Chapter One)

Warnings: Swearing Word Count: 1,461 Summary: Girl goes to the mall. Girl reconnects with high school friend during suicide awareness concert. High school friend offers girl a spot on the tour bus. Girl agrees because of cute boy. Cute boy has a girlfriend. Five young adults drive through the US. What could go wrong? Hopefully the author will come up with a better summary for the next chapter. Established Evan/Zoe. Leading up to Evan/OC.

Chapter 1: Let’s Go to the Mall

It was a simple mission: Get in. Get a black shirt. Get out. Claire sighed, frustrated with herself for spilling pasta sauce on yet another collared shirt at work. The Olive Garden had an easier uniform than most and while the stains certainly didn’t show, Claire was too exhausted to do laundry every night (especially since the laundry room in her apartment building was a bit spooky). Having a fourth shirt in the rotation would lengthen the time between washes and maybe give Claire that extra amount of sleep needed to keep herself from being as clumsy as she was.

But like many of Claire’s projects and day-to-day activities, she soon faced distractions. For example, her best friend from her old high school kept texting her.

Al the Pal: Heyyy Claire! You’re never gonna guess where I am! Al the Pal: Okay, since you’re not responding, I’m assuming it’s taking you some thought figure it out. Al the Pal: Okay, you better not have blocked me after the Jello incident of 2013. Al the Pal: Girl. Al the Pal: I’M IN YOUR TOWN! Text me ASAP.

God, she really hadn’t changed since the last time they were together. Claire loved Al, but life had gotten too hard and she didn’t want to hold back her Ivy League bound friend. They still stayed in touch, but it was usually the Instagram comment or DM message here or there. It was rare to get a text, never mind several, unless Al was really excited about something. But why would she be here in September? Doesn’t she have college orientation? Come to think of it, Claire hadn’t had the time to check Facebook or anything that would update her on her friend’s future. She made a mental note to log on later. Spotting the J. C. Penney, Claire picked up the pace to the store. Maybe if I make this trip quick enough, I can grab some food from the food court.

Thirteen minutes later, Claire was making her way to the food court. But strangely, the relatively half-full mall was packed around a decent-sized stage set up right next to the food court. It was hard to see through the crowd, but it sounded like a Christian teen group singing. Claire tried to push through to the food court on the right, but soon stopped when she heard a familiar voice.

“There’s a place where we don’t have to feel unknown. And every time that you call out, you’re a little less alone!” Almost immediately as she turned her head toward the stage. There was her childhood friend Alana Beck looking as passionate as usual on the electric keyboard. Claire then started taking in the other members on stage. Was that Jared Kleinman on the drums, the kid who once got kicked out of her freshman health class for refusing to refer to the male genitalia as its scientific term (“what do you mean I’m not allowed to refer to the penis as a sex sword?). She recognized Zoe Murphy playing the electric violin, a step up from their days together in the middle school band with plastic instruments. There were a few other instrument players who looked older; Claire didn’t think they went to her old school. They looked like actual band members. Inevitably, the blonde’s eyes drifted to the boy center stage, gripping the microphone tightly like he was trying not to lose his balance in a subway car. He looked familiar; the sweaty upper lip, the tight nervous smile, the blue striped shirt. She couldn’t put a name or voice to the face though. His voice was rather beautiful though as he sang the last line.

“You will be found.” His words gave Claire a genius idea. With a mischievous smile, she took her phone out of her back pocket and finally responded to Alana’s texts, the crowd roaring around her.

Claire Bear: Heyyy Alana! You’re never gonna guess where I am! Claire Bear: I’ll give you a hint: You have been found. As she tried to make her way towards the front of the stage, the cheering audience resisted, trying to nudge or elbow her back. Claire persevered, shoving her way to the side of the stage. Before she could call for Alana, her foot caught on something, possibly the wheel of the nearby Annie’s cart. The clumsy blonde began hurtling towards the ground when someone caught her, their hands rough on her. As they helped her back to her feet, Claire soon recognized the smirk and nearly laughed out loud.

“Woah there, M’lady. Looks like you were falling for me for a second there!” Almost immediately, Alana rushed over to Claire’s rescue, rolling her eyes.

“Jared! Don’t hit on her. She’s not gonna react like your little fan girls!” Jared took a step back to get a good look at the blonde, nodding in approval.

“Well, well, if it isn’t Dossett the Vet? Where did you run off to last year? I was gonna ask you to the Prom!” Claire laughed at the old nickname, shrugging off the strong emotions associated with the events of last year.

“You know I would have said no. Besides, Al here was a more organized date anyhow!” At the mention of her nickname, Alana reached over to hug her old friend.

“Where have you been? I’ve texted you several hundred times, Claire!” The blonde shrugged, ruffling Alana’s hair playfully.

“I work at the Olive Garden now. It’s a very demanding job. I work forty hours a week plus overtime to earn minimum wage plus tips!” Alana gasped, suddenly coming up with a better idea.

“Zo and Evan! Get your lovebird asses over here!” Sure enough, Zoe and the lead singer wandered over holding hands. When he saw you, his grip slipped.

“S-sorry, sweaty-“

“I know babe, your hands get sweaty,” Zoe quipped, her attention hyper-focused on the other three.

“So you know that while I’ve been the sole soul keeping the website for the Connor Project up to date and everything, we’ve been having some issues with our social media pages run by our very own Jared Kleinman,” Alana began as everyone looked pointedly at the aforementioned Jewish dork. He shrugged.

“Hey, you wanted a cool Instagram, right? The meme machine is still on it!” He finger-gunned, but only Evan half-hearted gestured back. Alana rolled her eyes, continuing her speech.

“Anyway, so Jared and I could really use some help on the online front. We could spend hours and days posting flyers, reading applications, interviewing strangers. Or… we could vote to accept Claire Dossett, high school friend of most of us, into the ranks effective immediately?” The applicant in question’s mouth dropped a little, shocked at the sudden impulse of her usually methodical best friend.

“Alana’s right as usual. I’m cool with Claire,” Zoe announced, flashing a grin to finally acknowledge the blonde band geek she remembered.

“Only if majority rules,” Jared decided with a smug smile, glancing over at his hopelessly awkward and anxious male companion. As Evan began sweating and stuttering, Claire instantly remembered Evan Hansen, the sweet but terribly anxious boy in her public speaking class junior year. Still cute.

“I v-vote with Zoe. She can s-stay, stay here with us! That is if-f-f she wants to? She never exactly s-s-said yes, so I guess it’s up t-t-to her? I mean, I want her to s-stay. Not in a weird way… just in a not mean way because I think you’d be a good f-fit for the job?” Evan covered his face with his hands, clearly embarrassed. Claire’s heart went out to him; he was clearly struggling. Everyone turned their attention to the blonde, anticipating her decision. She smiled at all of them gently, sighing in disbelief before she took out her cell phone.

“I guess I’ll call my manager right now and tell him I’m not doing my 10-7 shift tomorrow!” Alana clapped giddily, immediately drawing up plans for the new sleeping arrangements. Zoe and Jared scampered off to help the band put the equipment away, Zoe patting Jared on the back as he muttered: “but now the boy-girl ratio is uneven.” As Claire dialed the memorized phone number one last time and pressed the phone to her ear, she caught Evan’s eye. His lips parted for a moment until his brain caught up with him, forcing his eyes to her all-black sneakers. The blonde quietly smiled to herself; perhaps this spontaneous life decision would work out after all. But as her boss answered the phone, it suddenly hit her: am I gonna get paid for this?

(Author’s Note: Let me know if I should keep this going. I tagged the two people who liked the post I made about this fic. If you guys want off, just hit me a DM, I won’t take it too personally. I was thinking of also publishing on AO3 once my invitation is processed. The link will be put here x.)

Tag List:

@thequeenhaslanded, @liyahisdabomb

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ladiekatie · 7 years

Text

First Lines Meme

Rules

List the first lines of your last 20 stories (or however many you have altogether).

See if there are any patterns.

Then, tag your favorite authors.

I was tagged by the amazing, the wonder, the fergalicious @inell

It’s all under the cut so you don’t have to see it if you don’t want to.

If there is anything that Derek remembers from his and Stiles’ honey moon, it’s the screaming child who sat behind him and kicked his seat the entire time. It was a pain in the ass, and he remembers the feeling of never wanting kids.

Everything’s changed since then though. He and Stiles have been married for 6 years. 5 years ago they welcomed their first pup Damien to their family. Two years later, Zoey, and ten months ago the gods dropped double the trouble into their brood with Aimee and Vincent into their lives. [Add Another to Our Brood | G]

“Who wants to go to dinner with me on Valentine’s Day and have a dramatic fight in the restaurant?” Stiles blurbs out of nowhere.

It’s pack night and most of the pack is huddled around the TV Derek has in his loft. Star Wars: The Force Awakens is playing on it but no one is really paying attention. Everyone too consumed in their significant other to pay attention. All except Stiles and Derek, whom are sitting next to each other on the couch only because if they hadn’t Lydia and Allison wouldn’t have fit together on the couch. [Fight Me Valentine | G]

It’s early on a Monday morning, and no one is supposed to be in the office. So Derek is surprised when he hears the soft rhythm of knocks come from the door, even more surprised when he sees a figure through the frosted glass.

“Come in?” Derek calls in question, looking away from the stack of reports on his desk, curious to see who the hell else is at the office at 6 in the morning. [The New Assistant | G]

Stiles needs a new toy. He knows his semi-vast collection of sex toys would make anyone who likes taking things up the ass jealous, but he needs something new. Everything he has is so….. fake. And yeah, he gets the irony of thinking that shoving a silicon penis up his ass feels fake.

He just hasn’t had any real action in a while, and now that Brad (his oldest and favorite dildo) seems to be the only thing giving him orgasams in the foreseeable future, he at least wants the fake penis being shoved up his ass to feel real. [magicdildos.com | E]

A brand new little park popped up in their neighborhood. Old Mrs. Greatly died and left her land to the city to make a park. Derek’s mother thought it was amazing, all her money was willed to buy equipment for the small area. It’s only about a block away and it’s a lovely day for the grand opening.

Derek helps his mother make sandwiches and lemonade for their picnic while Laura and Cora run around trying to distinguish whose shoes are whose. Cora’s feet are 7 sizes smaller than Larua’s but try telling her that. Cora is in her stroller with their mother pushing her. Derek and Laura trailing behind her as they share the weight of the large picnic basket. [Since We Were Kids | G]

This. Could. Not. Be Happening.

Derek looked at the screen again. He blinked trying to make it disappear like this was some sort of bad dream. But fate wasn’t that kind, and the picture was still up on the screen. [Outed | G]

Stiles isn’t entirely sure how he didn’t see what was happening, but you know what they say: hindsight is 20/20.

Because when Derek Hale, your best friend’s weird, but totally hot, older brother shows up and offers to drive you and said best friend home for Christmas break the week of finals, how are you supposed to see it as anything but just a friendly gesture? And he definitely didn’t think about how weird it is that Derek asked if he could stay with him. Nope, not a bit. [Finals Week | G]

This cannot be happening. The likelihood of this happening was impossibly low, and even then, it never happened.

But because he is Derek Hale and because he is cursed by every being in the universe, this could only happen to him. Never mind the generations of his family that had jet black hair until the day they died, his Nana lived to be 120 and still, not a single strand of grey anywhere on her head. [Going Grey | T]

Stiles barely has time to look at his phone to see it’s 7 o’clock in the fucking morning before he drags himself out of bed to go deal with the asshole who is knocking at the door. Who ever it is, is going to die as soon as he can get through the small apartment.

Scott is no doubt already at work, the overachiever, but Stiles doesn’t have to be in until 3 in the afternoon so he was planning on sleeping in. Especially after the night he and Scott had last night. [Too Early for this Shit | T]

Peter can’t believe the amazing life he has made for himself. He’s worked hard his entire life to come home to his beautiful villa where his husband cooks him dinner and his daughter plays with her dolls on the living room floor.

It’s hard for Peter to believe that 10 years ago he was a bachelor who couldn't even dream of settling down. That all changed when Derek brought a friend over for a school project their junior year. Now, he’s wrapped around his little omega’s finger and his heart is walking around outside of him, and he was the happiest he has ever been. [Fuck Mrs. Applebee | T]

The pub is pretty quiet tonight. Spare the jukebox in the corner, the grill in the kitchen behind him and the senseless murmur of too many voices talking at once. No one even notices the door swing open with a new patron.

Derek looks up from his spot behind the bar too look at the new comer, and to watch where he sits. He really doesn’t want to leave his counter to serve the dude at a table. The kid looks young, probably barely old enough to be here. He has a slim frame, but he has a nice build on him, it’s slight and not immediately apparent under the ill fitting plaid over shirt he’s wearing, but the tight t shirt under it leaves little to the imagination. His eyes are heavy with dark circles looming under his eyes that Derek hoped would normally twinkle with amazing brown pupils. [Listen Here Mr. Bartender | T]

Stiles wouldn’t say he was jealous of Scott; but he was. He was so incredibly jealous of Scott that he didn’t know how he could stand to see Scott so happy. That smile he had on his face everyday and the look of sheer adoration in his eyes made Stiles feel so much worse about his secret.

Well, their secret. Because it was mutual you see. Stiles loves Allison; and Allison loves Stiles. [ Please Be Mine | T]

Stiles stands in the loft. He is drenched from standing out in the rain. The biggest storm in Beacon Hills history is roaring outside but inside it’s quiet enough to hear a pin drop. The harsh patter of rain batters the windows but not one word is spoken between the two of them.

Peter stands facing the window watching the chaos outside, a tumbler in his hand and tension runs up and down his back. [Just a Child | T]

Stiles didn’t spend a lot of time at the Whittemore house. The sharp edges and the monochromatic color scheme always set him on edge. Stiles usually took Jackson to his own home, where the walls weren’t white and the furniture wasn’t going to stab your eye out if you walked into it accidentally.

But today was a special occasion, because Jackson scored the winning goal at the state championships. Stiles wasn’t going to leave his boyfriend hanging in this big empty house all alone after the party at Lydia’s. So Stiles packed up a tipsy Jackson into his Jeep and escorted him home. [Black Satin | M]

Stiles knew it was going to be a bad idea. Like, his involvement with the supernatural opened his eyes to a lot of new things. Werewolves were real, Kitsunes were real, evil ninjas were a thing, he wouldn’t doubt if vampires were a thing at this point.

But now, Scott peer pressured him into getting this dating app call Biter and if that wasn’t the stupidest name for a dating app he didn’t know what is. But he humors Scott because he is severely lacking in the “Stiles wants to have fun. Multiple times, in multiple positions” department. [Biter- Dating App | T]

Derek had been out all night. Full moons were always the worst, but last night was just unbearable. He could still taste the poor woodland creature he ate in his mouth, it was disgusting. But that’s what he gets for deciding to go running in the silver glow of the moon.

He has other things to worry about right now though, like how he missed morning practice and Coach would probably make him run until he puked. Not to mention that he was late for school. “Fuck,” he says as he races to his car where he has a set of backup clothes and his backpack for school. Now, where were his keys? [I Feel Faint | G]

There was a knock at the door. Out the window over the sink the sky seemed to understand the emotions filling the house. The sky was grey and the the ground was peppered with drops that fell from the sky. The soup bubbled on the stove as Derek moved to the front door.

The door swung open and the stale air inside the house was moved with the fresh intake of air. [SIDS | T]

There was nothing more than Jackson hated than this moment right now. This fucking moment that he was being forced to deal with. Because not only was he being forced to hang out with his long lost father and sister for the first time since Lydia let the little secret known that Peter Hale had twins with a women called the fucking Desert Wolf, but now his “father” was dating the worst possible person on the entire planet.

Stiles Stilinski. [Just Call Me Daddy | T]

“DAMN IT DEREK!” Stiles yelled as the table holding the medical equipment went flying across the room. “You’ve been in this pack for a months and you still want to try defying the alpha? You would have died without my packs help if we didn't find you but it seems like you want that regardless!” The beta lowered his head holding his arm as Deaton pulled out a bullet that was steaming purple smoke.

“Alpha-” Derek tried. [Forgetful | G]

The club was noisy. It was noisy and just not Stiles’ scene. If it was any other night, he would be right there with Scott taking shot after shot of who knows what, but his tomorrow is his first day at his dream job and he can’t, he CAN’T show up hungover.

But still, Scott thought they should celebrate even though they celebrated a couple weeks ago when the lady at Human Resources of Hale Corp called and told Stiles he was the new assistant of the CFO. [Chocolate Milk | G]

I think there is a nice mix of statements of facts, actions, and dialogue. I did this a while ago with just the first sentence, and I realized I always started with actions, so I’ve tried to mix it up lately. I think my opening paragraphs have gotten shorter and shorter. Leaving more to the second paragraph to explain things.

I’m not gonna tag anyone, cuz i don’t know who to tag, but if you wanna do it, go ahead. Boom, consider yourself tagged.

#shut up katie #about the author #all my fics #my writing

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russellthornton · 7 years

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Smartass Quotes: 48 Smart and Sarcastic Lines that Kick Ass

Some days were meant for playing nice, others for firing off smartass quotes to everyone who’s bugging you. Here are 46 quotes to get you started.

Everyone loves a smartass. In fact, people love sarcasm, which makes it a great outlet to get all of that pent up resentment out while slapping a smile on your face. So what’s the most effective way to get out your frustrations while still coming off like the lovable stud/studette that you are? Smartass quotes.

If you have ever been offended by someone with nothing but a gaping mouth and a figurative puff of smoke as a response, you know how tragic a lack of a comeback can feel.

It’s these harrowing situations that wake you out of a sound sleep suddenly fresh with dozens of snappy one-liners you wish you would have said. Nasty ex sniffing around? There’s a smartass quote for that. Friend making bad life choices? There’s a smartass quote for that.

Don’t go through life unprepared! We’re giving you 46 smartass quotes for life, breakups, comebacks, and general advice to live by.

Advice smartass quotes

Sometimes life leads you astray with no one to turn to. That’s where we come in! If you’re looking for a sassier way to go through life, these smartass quotes with advice are sure to help. [Read: 101 awesomely good comebacks for every occasion]

#1 “I always say ‘Morning’ instead of ‘Good Morning,’ because if it was a good morning, I would still be in my bed and not talking to people.”

#2 “Some days you eat salads and go to the gym. Some days you eat cupcakes and refuse to put on pants. It’s called balance.”

#3 “Face your problems, don’t Facebook them.”

#4 “God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” – Robin Williams

#5 “You can’t make somebody love you. You can only stalk them and hope for the best.” [Read: 55 funny quotes about love and all its complications]

#6 “Women are like iPhones. You have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberries. Rub one ball and everything moves.”

#7 “I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because I’m still looking for ideas.”

#8 “I’m not very good at advice. May I interest you in a sarcastic comment, instead?” – Chandler, Friends

#9 “When I feel down and someone tells me to ‘suck it up,’ I get the urge to break their legs with a baseball bat and then say ‘walk it off.’”

Breakup smartass quotes

Love is grand, until it isn’t. That’s when you’ll want to have an arsenal of coy, yet hilarious, comebacks ready in your back pocket. Want to know whether you should be kicking your lover to the curb? These smartass quotes about breakups are sure to help you out.

#10 “Shut up with the back talk, because if I wanted lip from you, I’d sit on your face” – L.A. Casey, Dominic [Read: 11 profound relationship quotes everyone can relate to]

#11 “If you’re cooler than me, would that make me hotter than you?”

#12 “You were my cup of tea, but I drink champagne now.”

#13 “Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.” – Bill Murray

#14 “Sorry, I’m not Adele. I don’t wish the best for you, nor do I want to find someone like you. I do, however, want to set fire to all of your stuff.” [Read: All the quotes you need while going through a breakup]

#15 “You cross my mind only on Thursday morning. That’s the day when I take out the garbage.”

#16 “Thanks for dating someone ugly after we broke up.”

#17 “Relationships are a lot like Algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?”

#18 “What’s a Queen without her King? Well, historically speaking, more powerful.”

#19 “I’m going back to living my fabulous life before you interrupted it to remind me that there are still assholes in this world.”

#20 “When your ex says, ‘You’ll never find anyone like me’ reply with: ‘that’s the point.’”

#21 “Today I saw something that reminded me of you. Don’t worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.”

#22 “My ex had one very annoying habit. Breathing.” [Read: Being single – 30 happy, inspiring quotes for singles]

Smartass quotes to live by

Don’t let someone else dictate how you live your life. You do you, Pikachu. Whether you’re looking to tell it like it is, or offer someone a confusing truth about human behavior, these 11 quotes to live by are sure to help you out.

#23 “It’s better to be late than to arrive ugly.” – Marilyn Monroe

#24 “Thanks for pretending not to see me when I was pretending not to see you in order to avoid a miserably awkward conversation that neither of us wanted to have.”

#25 “Oh, hey, kettle, I’m pot and wow, you’re black.” – Olivia Cunning, Tie Me

#26 “You think I’m cute when I’m angry? Well get ready, because I’m about to be gorgeous.”

#27 “If I’m a sarcastic asshole when I talk to you, it’s either because I really like you and feel comfortable teasing you, or I really hate you and don’t care if you know it. Good luck figuring out which one.”

#28 “The only reason I’m fat is because a tiny body couldn’t store all this personality.” [Read: How to be funny and make people love your company]

#29 “You know a girl is mad when she starts off her sentence saying: “I just find it funny how… ” Because there is a 99.9% chance she did not find it funny.”

#30 “Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn’t made any plans, and trying to figure out how the hell you hurt your back.”

#31 “My girlfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on her face… I love sharpies.”

#32 “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright

#33 “If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?”

Insulting smartass quotes

Is someone being a total dick and you’re at a loss for what to say? Don’t go down that road. It’s torturous. You don’t want to be that person who could literally write a book about what you wish you would have said. Here are the best insulting smartass quotes we could find. Because sometimes, people just need to be told.

#34 “I’m actually not funny. I’m just mean and people think I’m joking.”

#35 “Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.” – Winston Churchill

#36 “I can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.”

#37 “If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.” -Marilyn Monroe

#38 “I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.”

#39 “Sometimes I wish I was a bird… so I could fly over certain people and shit on their heads.”

#40 “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.” [Read: 45 Saddest lost love quotes for the broken-hearted]

#41 “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

#42 “If you ran as much as you ran your mouth, you’d be in great shape.”

#43 “Look officer, I’m not being a smartass. All I’m saying is, if you caught me, then you were speeding too.”

#44 “Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”

#45 “If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.”

#46 “I typed ‘Bitch’ into my GPS and guess what? I’m in your driveway.”

[Read: Ready to charm? How to be witty and win anyone over]

There you have it. From the greats to the random internet memes, this was a list of 46 smartass quotes for life, ex-loves, and general sassiness. Hope that helped raise your smartass quota for the week.

The post Smartass Quotes: 48 Smart and Sarcastic Lines that Kick Ass is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

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