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ashiversary · 5 years

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Our Golden Days (Chapter 1)

“This is your uncle’s ship?” Carl asked, frowning.

He was standing on the dock in Vermillion City next to his best friend in the world, who was being his typical annoying self and bouncing everywhere, trying to look at everything at once. He bounced back to Carl’s side, beaming proudly at the enormous, sleek white passenger liner that rocked lazily in the gentle waves.

“Yes! The S.S. Anne!” Spark said, raising his hands above his head to indicate the ship that loomed above them.

“…It’s not very nice, is it?” Carl asked, squinting at the ship to try and see it better through the glare of sunlight reflecting off white paint, but the expression probably added to the air of criticism.

“What?” Spark yelped. Indignant, he turned on Carl. “Uncle Surge’s ship is the best! You’ll see!”

At that moment, Surge tromped up behind them, their bags slung over his broad shoulders. “Nice of you boys to leave me with all the bags,” he grunted. He swung Spark’s bag off his shoulder and thumped it into the boy’s chest, knocking him back a few inches and making his nephew laugh.

He turned to Carl and the white-haired boy tensed automatically, expecting Surge to slam his bag into his chest like he had with Spark. Instead, Surge held it out by the strap. “And you. Arceus, this bag is heavy. What have you got in here, rocks?”

“Um, no,” Carl muttered. “I… may have overpacked. Slightly. Only slightly!” He snapped at Spark who had started snickering beside him. “It’s your fault I need two first aid kits anyway, you walking disaster!”

“Oookay, time for boarding,” Surge said, grabbing both boys by the shoulders and propelling them toward the ramp. This effectively cut off the fight that would have broken out between the two boys without his intervention.

Once they were onboard, Surge happily ditched the boys with the vague directive to “Explore! Have fun, kids!” before disappearing into a section of the ship that Spark and Carl weren’t allowed to enter, reasoning that there wasn’t much trouble they could get into with ocean on all sides.

Although Surge no longer sailed regularly on the S.S. Anne and hadn’t since he’d taken Spark in, he still brought Spark aboard often enough that his nephew was very proudly able to give Carl a tour. First, he showed Carl the room that they would be sharing on the voyage.

Carl frowned at it, unmoved by his friend’s pride. “It’s small.”

“It is not! Why ya gotta be such a downer, Carl?”

Still, Carl set his bag on the end of one of the two beds, claiming it for the trip. Spark would want the bed next to the window, and he could have it as far as Carl was concerned. There was nothing to see but the sky and water anyway, and that would get tedious after ten minutes.

“And this is the galley! That means kitchen, Carl.”

“…I know that, Spark. In fact, I’m pretty sure everyone alive knows that.”

Spark pouted at his friend as Carl turned away and paced down the hallway. Spark trotted to catch up and tapped the back of Carl’s hand, harder than he had probably intended, but Carl didn’t complain. “Hey, what gives? You in a bad mood or something?” Spark asked. The pout had vanished, and his big sky blue eyes were full of concern.

Before Carl could answer in the negative, Spark continued speaking. “You homesick? Wanna call your Nana?”

Carl’s assurances dissolved in a glare. “I’m not a baby, Spark,” he said, walking faster to try and leave his friend behind. Spark simply trotted faster and kept up easily, the athletic brat.

“’S nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone gets homesick.”

The total sincerity with which Spark delivered this statement only annoyed Carl further. Homesick! As if! “I just wasn’t expecting the ship you bragged about for months to be such a dump. My family has several ships, and all of them are better than this.”

“Well, it ain’t a luxury liner, Carl. Us normal folks gotta get around too-”

There was a sudden burst of loud static from the open doorway they were passing. Both boys jumped. Through the doorway the room was in shadows. The boys paused, glancing at each other like, should we go check it out?

Absolutely.

They poked their heads through the doorway into the small sitting room. It was old fashioned, though it was hard to put a finger on what gave that impression. Maybe it was the carved arms on the chairs or all the plush fabrics. Dated, Carl thought. That was the right term. Plus the floral wallpaper and the doilies gave it a feminine feel.

Against the far wall was a big screen TV. As they watched, another blast of static exploded from the speakers. Bright colours flashed across the screen, fading as the sound did. Carl thumped Spark on the shoulder.

“Quit it!”

“Ouch! Quit what?” Spark demanded, rubbing his shoulder and giving Carl a look of betrayal.

Carl gestured at the television. “That!” he snapped. Another burst of static punctuated the statement.

“I ain’t doing that, Carl. Just ‘cuz something electrical goes on the fritz doesn’t mean it’s me doing it.”

Carl gave his friend a hard look, trying to tell if Spark was telling the truth or if he was making the TV act weird to freak Carl out as revenge for criticizing Surge’s ship. But Spark’s eyes were blue and guileless, and anyway, he’d always been a terrible liar.

“Well, it’s creepy. Let’s get out of here,” Carl said, pulling out of the doorway. Spark followed. They made it three steps down the hall when the lights cut out.

Carl sucked in a sharp breath. “That ain’t me either!” Spark said defensively. Carl had grabbed his arm lightning-fast and was digging his nails into Spark’s flesh.

“Are. You. Sure?” Carl ground out, because it wouldn’t be the first time Zapdos had taken over and decided to play a prank on a silly mortal. And Carl, being Spark’s best friend, was most often around for that.

Spark opened his mouth to retort, and the hair on the back of Carl’s neck prickled. He whirled, and found himself slammed against the wall with Spark’s back pressed against his chest. Spark’s posture was stiff. Electric currents danced between his spread fingers, and the telltale scent of ozone confirmed that Spark wasn’t the one in control.

Just as quickly, the sparks faded and the blond relaxed back into himself. Carl waited until Spark had taken a step away, then asked “What was that about?”

Spark shrugged. “Felt a spooky thing.”

“A spooky thing?” Carl thought about the ominous feeling that had accompanied the neck prickle. Huh. “You know what? Let’s go back on the deck.”

He grabbed Spark’s hand to drag him above deck, when he felt it again. The neck prickle. The ominous feeling. And this time, the faint brush of wind. A sinister chuckle.

Dropping Spark’s hand, he spun back around again in time to see a dark shadow shoot between two open doorways. Doors that he had not heard open, and that had not been open when he turned away.

“This is creepy,” Spark whispered, and Carl shushed him. A grin materialized in front of them as a darker shadow approached out of the blackness. No, make that several shadows.

“Ghost Pokemon,” he muttered to Spark out of the side of his mouth. He felt more than saw the blond nod.

They turned as one to move away from the shifting mass of ghost Pokemon, but there were more behind them.

Carl’s hand slipped inside his bag, finding a pokeball and gripping it tightly. He only had Bob and James with him. The psychic type Pokemon would be no match for the ghost types that had them surrounded.

There was a sound like a manic giggle, then something orange and shimmering with blue sparks zipped out of the room with the TV and down the hall. The ghost pokemon turned to look, and Spark’s hand clamped around Carl’s wrist.

“Now,” he breathed, and with no more warning than that he leaped forward and ran through the cloud of ghost pokemon, dragging Carl behind them.

Carl let out an involuntary yell as he was hauled forward and his eyes flinched closed as a Gengar loomed ahead of him. He passed underneath it and Spark dove into a room, slamming the door behind them. Carl braced his hands on his knees, panting, irked that Spark didn’t even seem winded.

“That won’t stop them, you know,” Carl said, some of his annoyance showing in his tone as Spark locked the door.

“Lemme think, Carl,” Spark said. He turned and leaned back against the door, frowning. The room was dark, so Carl looked around until he found the light switch. Flipping it on revealed that they had taken refuge in a laundry room.

A mechanical hum made both boys look up in surprise as one of the washing machines powered on, running briskly despite the fact that there were no clothes inside it and nobody had turned it on. Spark and Carl stared at it, and Spark shuffled closer to Carl.

“That’s creepy,” he murmured to Carl, who nodded.

The washing machine whined in insult, and the door flew open loosing a torrent of water at the boys. Spark was athletic enough to be able to dodge, but he was so shocked at being attacked by a washing machine that he didn’t think to move until he got smacked in the face by the stream.

Gasping and choking, the boys rolled in opposite directions to get out of the line of fire. The washing machine giggled, and the orange sparky thing leaped from the washing machine and into the ceiling fan. The motor whirred, and the fan blades began to turn. Soon the blades were turning so fast and with such force that both boys were pinned to the floor by the gale.

“It’s a pokemon,” Carl managed to gasp out, even as the wind tore his breath away. “It has to be.”

Somehow, Spark stood upright despite the force of the wind. Carl shivered - he knew the look in Spark’s eyes. Apparently the Pokemon in the ceiling fan did too, because as Spark lifted hands full of lightning, an orange blob dropped out of the ceiling fan to cower on the floor.

The winds stopped, and Carl could breathe again. He sat up, pushing his disordered hair out of his face, as Spark faced the orange pokemon.

“Play time’s over,” Spark said in a voice that wasn’t boyish enough to be Spark’s. “You will leave in peace, or you will leave in pieces. Begone.”

Humming with fright, the orange pokemon darted into the circuitry. The wires buzzed as the pokemon moved along them and faded as the pokemon left the room.

“What was that?” Carl asked. He clambered to his feet and frowned down at his white shorts, which had gotten scuffed when he rolled around on the floor.

“Rotom. It’s playful and generally harmless, but rather annoying,” Zapdos replied using Spark’s mouth. Then it was gone, and Spark was back. He glanced over his shoulder and his eyes widened. “Woah.”

Carl turned. At least a dozen ghost pokemon had poked their faces through the wall and were staring at Spark with a mix of awe and fear. A Haunter even fled back through the wall when Spark approached the door.

“I wonder where all these guys came from,” Spark commented.

“You mean your uncle’s ship isn’t supposed to be haunted?”

“Of course not!” The ghost pokemon moved to either side as Spark and Carl moved down the hall. “I dunno where they came from, Carl, but they’re not supposed to be here.”

“Hey! Where’d you kids get off to?”

Spark’s face broke into a grin. “Back here, Uncle Surge!” he called, waving an arm, which was pointless because Lt. Surge wasn’t anywhere in sight.

Lt. Surge’s boots could be heard clomping down the stairs, and he appeared at the end of the hall. He stopped dead when he saw the pokemon - a mix of Haunter and Gengar, a handful of Ghastly, a single Shuppet - and frowned. “ARNOLD!” he bellowed, making both boys jump. “Arnold, get yer ass out here!”

A door near the boys opened, and a pale teen slunk out. He had a sullen expression and limp black hair that drooped into his eyes. “It’s not Arnold, Sir. It’s Xavier now. It’s cooler,” the teen said in a tone that matched his expression.

“Whatever. I thought I told ya to keep ‘em in their pokeballs!” Surge gestured at the pokemon. “Not let them run rampant around my ship! Put ‘em away.”

Xavier sniffed. “They wanted to explore. There’s hardly anyone here anyway, and they lend atmosphere.”

“Yeah, well, play vampire on your own property. Put ‘em away, or you can swim back to shore.”

Still pouting, the teen secured the Pokemon in a small pile of pokeballs before slinking back into his room. The door clicked quietly closed behind him.

With that problem taken care of, Lt. Surge studied his nephew and Carl. It may be the man’s military training, but Carl suddenly, inexplicably, felt like he had done something wrong. Then Surge grinned, and the feeling faded. “Sorry about that, boys. Xavier’s an odd one. I shoulda warned you about him. How about you two go get changed for dinner. You look like you’ve been rolling around on the floor.”

Fresh from a shower, Spark flopped on the bed next to Carl, making him bounce. Carl muttered a protest, and was blinded by a flash of light that made him blink and swear. The first thing he saw when his vision cleared was Spark’s very white teeth bared in a grin. And a camera lens, shoved right in his face.

“What are you doing?” he grumbled, but shifted over so that he was no longer half-pinned under Spark.

Like an excited pokemon, Spark wiggled into a comfortable position next to him and held the camera up at face level. “Smile, Carl!” he said as the flash went off again. “This’ll be a great memory!”

And it was. And like most of Carl’s happy childhood memories, it eventually got stuck in an album and shoved in a bottom drawer where he didn’t have to look at it. Somehow, it was the happiest memories that brought the most pain.

#Pokemon Go #Ashiversary #chiiwifruit #submission #Carl #Spark #Surge

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astraygenius · 7 years

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Origin Science Theater 3000: Chapter 2

Chapter One | source material | Chapter Three

Here we go again!

Chapter 2: Judgment

Arceus paced around the living room of the Hall of Origin. The living room was decorated in a tasteful gold and white color scheme, not unlike the colors of Arceus herself.

Arceus: So I not only have a throne but put it in a public room? I don’t need a throne!

"Arc, is there something wrong?" Giratina asked. He was reclining on the couch; the one thing in the room that was not gold and white. Instead the couch had black arm rests, gold cushions and a red back.

Giratina: You get an entire room and I get a couch?

Arceus stopped her pacing. "I'll call a meeting." She then closed her eyes and sent a wave of psychic energy throughout the entire dwelling.

Lugia: Arceus, can you...actually do that?

Arceus: I’ve never tried. You all seem to be able to handle things on your own without me stepping in most of the time.

Darkrai sat up in his bed as he received the psychic message. He had been sleeping just before the message. He tossed the blankets aside and hovered down to the ground. He looked around the darkened room. All that he saw was the barely visible black dresser with a statuette on it. The statuette was a perfect image of Darkrai himself, right down to the glowing blue eye.

Groudon: Whoa. Jarring scene change is jarring. And why does that creep have a statue of himself?

"Someone's watching me," he muttered. He then peeked under the bed and saw two magenta eyes staring back at him.

Latias: (singing) I always feel like somebody’s watchin’ me~ And I have no privacy, whoa-oh~ I always feel like somebody’s watchin’ me~ Tell me, is it just a dream?

Latios: Not now, sis.

"Cresselia, I know you're there. Get out from under my bed," Darkrai said, pointing to the door.

Cresselia, floated out from under the bed. "Fine," she replied. "I just wanted to ask when we can go out together."

Kyogre: That’s just not right. There is no possible dimension where that could be right.

(Palkia coughs pointedly.)

Giratina: I warned you. *munches popcorn*

Dialga: NO YOU DIDN’T.

"For the last time, I will not go out with you! Get out of my room!" Darkrai shouted.

"Fine. In any case, I have to because Arceus is holding a meeting," Cresselia said. She then floated out of Darkrai's room, leaving him alone with the statuette.

Darkrai sighed. "At least she didn't try to steal my statuette like she did last time," he muttered. He then petted the statuette as he floated out of the room.

Groudon: Yeesh. Somehow the author made him even creepier.

Dialga was lying on Lugia's bed and staring at the wall. Lugia's bedroom was decorated in a unique combination of white, silver and dark blue. A blue and white dresser rested against one wall and several paintings were plastered on the walls. Lugia himself was painting something in the corner opposite the bed.

Lugia: That sounds perfect!

Dialga: I COULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT THE WHIPLASH.

"WHY DID PALKIA HAVE TO DO HIS SCULPTING INSIDE OUR ROOM?" Dialga asked with a sigh.

Palkia: I WASN’T AWARE HUMANS THOUGHT OF HOBBIES FOR US.

"Can you talk normally?" Lugia responded without taking his eyes off his canvas.

"BUT THIS IS THE WAY I ALWAYS TALK." Dialga responded.

"Well, your normal voice is too loud!"

"TOO BAD. I CAN'T CONTROL IT."

(Laughter all around.)

Lugia sighed. "Then how about saying nothing at all?"

"FINE," Dialga responded. He then got up from the bed and peered over Lugia's shoulder.

"WHAT ARE YOU PAINTING?"

"A recollection of the time when 'The Chosen One' and I had to prevent Zapdos, Moltres and Articuno from destroying the world. When will those three learn that even gods cannot do as they please? You should have seen how mad Arceus was at them."

Lugia: If I ever talk like that, please, hit me with something heavy.

Several minutes later, Lugia had finished and framed his painting. He then looked at Dialga. "Do you always sound like you're talking in all capital letters?" Lugia asked.

"YES," Dialga replied.

Dialga: HEY, THE AUTHOR MADE THAT JOKE ALREADY.

Lugia facepalmed. "In any case, I can hear Arceus calling us for a meeting," he said, flying out of his room.

Arceus: Wait a minute. If we assume that Lugia was painting at the same time Darkrai got “my” psychic message, wouldn’t he and Dialga have gotten it at the same time, too? I may be a Normal-type, but I know how Psychic energy works.

Dialga then followed him out to the hall. The hallway was unremarkable save for the wallpaper.

Dialga glanced at the wallpaper in disgust. "WHY CAN'T WE HAVE A PLAIN SILVER AND BLUE WALLPAPER? THE FLOWERS ON IT ARE NASTY," Dialga commented.

Giratina: Wait, what?

"Blame Shaymin for it. She's the one who picked it out. And we're lucky Arceus drew the line at the wallpaper or else we'd have gracidea flowers everywhere," Lugia replied

Giratina: Oh.

Lugia: Why would Arceus even have wallpaper?

"Don't like the wallpaper, eh?" a voice said.

Dialga and Lugia looked around the hallway. All that was visible were the silver light fixtures on the wall and a large black spot on the dark blue carpet

Latios: And the wallpaper. Don’t forget the wallpaper.

"WHO ARE YOU?" Dialga demanded.

"Dialga, Lugia, you should know who I am," the voice responded. Darkrai then rose out of the floor in front of the two.

Giratina: Strange. I’d thought Darkrai would hold a grudge against Dialga because of the Alamos Town incident.

Dialga: (facehooves) THAT WAS THE WORST MISUNDERSTANDING IN THE HISTORY OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS.

Palkia: AGREED.

"SHOULDN'T YOU BE AT THE MEETING?"

"I was on my way there," Darkrai responded, "But since I overheard you talking about the wallpaper, I thought I'd listen in. Having the ability to sink in and out of the ground at will allows you hear a lot of things. Did you know that Mew still…"

"In any case, let's continue," Lugia said, cutting Darkrai off.

Kyogre: I guess we weren’t meant to know Mew’s dirty little secret anyway.

The group then continued down the hall into the living room.

Lugia, Dialga and Darkrai arrived at the living room just in time to see all the Legendaries gathered in front of Arceus's throne. Except Giratina, he had not moved from his couch.

Arceus: See? Instantaneous Psychic energy.

Arceus hovered just above her throne. Her empty bowl of tortilla chips was still by her feet. In front of her sat all the Legendaries with the exception of Mewtwo, Ho-Oh and Deoxys. All of them chattered amongst themselves while they waited for Arceus to speak. After a few moments, Arceus raised one of her forelegs to signal for silence.

Lugia: Oh, come on, Ho-Oh’s not that busy.

Palkia: NEITHER ARE YOU. ALSO, THE AUTHOR REPEATED THEMSELVES AGAIN.

"As you are all aware, the recreation room and some of the surrounding area has been completely destroyed, thanks to Groudon and Kyogre fighting over some inane reason," Arceus said.

"I propose we exile them from the Hall of Origins for a millennium. This sort of behavior will not be tolerated," Entei said.

"I second that motion," Suicune added.

"I third that motion," Raiku said.

Kyogre: That’s the second typo in as many chapters. Most of our names aren’t that hard to spell!

Lugia: I knew Entei was the more serious one, but dang. That’s a little excessive.

Latias (slyly): I guess you could say Entei’s kind of a...grumpy cat.

(Good-natured groans all around.)

Arceus nodded. "Okay," she said, "so we've exiled them for a millennium. We don't have to worry about Kyogre and Groudon wrecking anything else. Now the problem remains, we have to fix up the stuff they've damaged. Now is anyone here willing to pay out of their own pocket or work to earn money for the repairs?"

Kyogre: We get money?

Only Lugia and Articuno agreed.

Lugia: To work or to pay for it ourselves?

Arceus looked at the two. "Exactly." she said, "So, any other suggestions?" She then looked over the crowd and spotted Latios raising his arm.

"Yes, Latios?"

"How about we make Groudon and Kyogre work off the damages they caused?" Latios said.

"I second that," Latias said.

"I third that," Darkrai said.

Latias: I’m surprised nobody thought of that sooner.

Arceus thought a moment. "Perfect. Now all we have to do is to wait for Mewtwo, Ho-Oh and Deoxys to finish calculating the damages." She then spotted Jirachi flying above everyone's heads. "Jirachi, please sit down," she ordered.

Lugia: Oh, that’s what Ho-Oh’s up to. OK, cool.

Jirachi floated down to the ground and landed next to Shaymin, who was apparently asleep.

"Hey Shaymin, wake up," he said, prodding the sleeping Legend. It was after repeated prodding that "Shaymin" fell over and broke.

Arceus: Oh my.

Everyone turned their heads at the sound of breaking porcelain and spotted Jirachi hovering next to a broken flowerpot, a mound of dirt and some scattered gracidea flowers

Latios: Interesting. I guess Shaymin’s Land Forme would make a pretty cute flowerpot.

"I MADE THAT AS A GIFT FOR SHAYMIN!" Palkia exclaimed. "DO YOU HAVE ANY CONCEPT OF APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR?! FIRST, YOU STEAL ARCEUS'S CHIPS THEN YOU BREAK MY FLOWERPOT!"

Palkia: JIRACHI IS A CHILD COMPARED TO US. I SEE NO BENEFIT IN YELLING.

Jirachi sniffled slightly and floated away from Palkia. At the same time, everyone turned and stared at Palkia.

"DISREGARD ME," Palkia said, blushing slightly.

Palkia: NEITHER DOES MY ALTERNATE SELF, APPARENTLY.

Inside the water drenched and battered rec room, Ho-Oh, Mewtwo and Deoxys were examining every nook and cranny.

"East wall shows significant water and impact damage. It will need to be replaced. Furthermore, the door has been completely destroyed. It will also need to be replaced." Mewtwo said, examining the rear wall.

Arceus: This author doesn’t know Mewtwo very well, do they?

He then levitated up to the ceiling and examining the hanging lamp or what was left of it. "The lamp has been obliterated. Palkia will need to be commissioned to make a new one. It should be the same type as the previous one, a red and orange sphere hanging from a gold chain. It should not exceed ten inches in circumference," he said.

Groudon: That sounds pretty cool, actually.

"Got it," Ho-Oh replied. She was busy writing everything down on a clipboard.

Giratina: How? Only...five of us have hands!

Deoxys was examining large hole in the north wall. Latias and Latios's room could be seen through the hole. Deoxys then peered through the hole and chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Mewtwo asked, floating down to ground level.

Lugia: Didn’t anyone teach him it’s rude to snoop?

Arceus: Lugia, think about who you’re talking about there.

"Look for yourself," Deoxys replied.

Latios: Oh, this oughta be good.

Mewtwo stuck his head through the hole in the wall and looked around. The Lati siblings' room was decorated in a red, blue and white color scheme. There were two dressers, two beds and two nightstands. Latios's furniture was blue and white, while his sister's furniture was red and white. His eyes fell on life sized plushies of Latias and Latios, each of them sitting on their respective dressers. He suppressed a chuckle. "Aren't they a little too old to have plushies?" he asked.

Latias: There are plushies of us?

Deoxys shrugged. "What they do isn't our business. They could be screwing each other for all I care."

Latios and Latias: Gross!

Giratina: I’m sorry you had to learn that humans are strange the hard way.

"That was not an image I needed in my head," Mewtwo said with a sigh.

Everyone: Agreed.

"You two! Stop snooping and get back to work!" Ho-Oh snapped.

Deoxys and Mewtwo did as they were told.

Latios: Thank you.

Mewtwo levitated up half a pool table. "Anybody found the other half?" he asked.

Deoxys pointed to a pile of wood and green fabric. "There's the other half," she said.

Arceus: I’m sorry, what? Deoxys doesn’t have a binary gender.

Dialga: NEITHER DO MOST OF US. OBVIOUSLY, THERE ARE LATIOS AND LATIAS, AND I STILL DON’T KNOW ABOUT HEATRAN.

Giratina: Heatran’s a whole subspecies by this point.

"Add that to the shit we need to replace. One regulation size pool table, green felt top, integrated ball storage and integrated chalk holders," Mewtwo said with a sigh.

Ho-Oh wrote that down.

Latios: Wait, what?

Latias: I’ll tell you when you’re older.

Latios: I am older.

Deoxys looked around the room. "I think the pool table's the last thing in here," she said.

"Good, we'd better bring this to Arceus," Ho-Oh said, flying out of the room.

Mewtwo and Deoxys followed her. As soon as they left the room, the large bay window, which was teetering precariously, fell down and shattered with a mighty crash.

Lugia: How does a window fall over, anyway?

Ho-Oh, followed by Deoxys and Mewtwo entered the living room.

"Ah, so you're done calculating the damages?" Arceus asked.

"We are indeed." Ho-Oh replied, "When labor is factored in, the damages come out to roughly 957,500 Poké. And that's not including the stuff that we can't buy."

(Kyogre mimes a spit-take)

Groudon: As the humans say, “Holy shit.”

"Like what?" Giratina asked. He had finally moved off his couch and was now standing next to Dialga.

"Palkia's custom made lamp and…"

Kyogre: (as Ho-Oh) Alternate Groudon’s dignity, such as it is.

Groudon: Are you insulting me?

"GROUDON, KYOGRE! EXPLAIN WHY YOU DESTROYED THE LAMP THAT I MADE AS A GIFT?" Palkia demanded.

Groudon averted her gaze. "Well, a Solarbeam isn't selective. It destroys what it hits. Think of it as my gaze, I can't not look at Ky…"

Groudon: That’s not what averting means. Avoiding, yes. Also, “her”? I’m pretty sure I was male this entire time. Unless it’s talking about you, Palkia?

Palkia: I DOUBT THAT.

"Enough of that." Arceus said sternly, "And Palkia, don't interrupt."

Palkia grumbled but remained silent.

Ho-Oh cleared her throat. "In any case, Palkia's custom made lamp and sculptures along with Lugia's custom wallpaper and carpeting are the irreplaceable items destroyed."

Lugia: I thought they said my hobby was painting.

Arceus nodded. "I have decided the penalty for Groudon and Kyogre. You will have to work off the damages in addition to 250,000 extra Poké. You will be working together as a rescue team under Wigglytuff's Guild." She then looked at Rayquaza. "One other thing, don't think you can help them get over their punishment faster by working in the guild alongside them," she added.

Latios: But Rayquaza’s supposed to keep an eye on you two, right, Kyogre?

Kyogre: If by "keep an eye on” you mean “come down from the heavens to stop us from killing each other.”

"Can we work with the guild if we need some spending money?" Mew asked. He was flitting above everyone's heads.

"Yes. But your earnings will not be counted towards their penalty. And Mew, please spend wisely, Celibi's a little upset that you kept mooching off her for money."

Dialga: NOW THAT’S JUST RUDE.

Giratina: Mooching off Mew or spelling Celebi’s name wrong? Either way, I agree.

"Yes, Arceus," Mew responded with a giggle.

"This meeting is over. I have to speak to Guildmaster Wigglytuff regarding the punishment," Arceus said. She then turned to Regigigas. "Regigigas, please ensure that the Hall of Origins is still standing when I return."

Arceus: There’s only one origin, author. Come on now.

"I WILL DO AS YOU COMMAND," Regigigas said.

The Legendaries dispersed to do their own things as Arceus summoned a swirling blue portal. She then stepped into the portal and vanished.

Missing periods: Two.

“In any case” count: Three.

Comma-period substitutions (either for either): Six (thirteen total).

Jarring scene change count: Two (three total).

#pokémon #fanfic mst #this is a thing #long post is long

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