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visityaratoday · 1 year
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Visit Yara
Yara’s ONLY Number One Unlicensed Travel Agency
Your source of information for all things Yara!
#VisitYaraToday
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Content has not yet been approved by Yara’s official Office of Tourism.  This content has not been approved by the Ministry of Culture and Maria Marquessa can kiss it.
Getting There
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Yara has one International Airport, Aeropuerto Internacional de Noventarmas, located in the Valle de Oro region. There are 2 weekly direct flights to and from Miami, Florida. Flights from Yara to Miami are on Mondays at 7:00 and Fridays at 22:00. Check your local listings.
Note: At this time, due to the current situation, there are no official, legal, chartered ships to and from Yara.
Where to Stay
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Yara offers accommodations to fit every budget, from luxurious 4-Star hotel to a damp cot in the jungle.
Hotel Paraíso If safety and luxury is your thing, Hotel Paraíso will be your accommodation of choice. It is located in the heart of the capital city of Esperanza. Make sure to read the "Things to Know Before Visiting Yara" section for important additional information.
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Hotel Paraíso, Esperanza, Yara
Beach Resorts Being a Caribbean island, Yara is naturally surrounded by beautiful sandy beaches and offers many beach side resorts, particularly on the East coast in Barrial.
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What To Do in Yara
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Outdoor Playground Made in Heaven
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Yara is a true playground made in heaven for outdoor enthusiasts! Its varied landscapes offer a plethora of outdoor activities. You can go horseback riding, hike endless jungle or cliffside trails; if you prefer speed, you can rent ATV's and blaze through the jungle or a jetski and explore inland rivers, lakes, and the ocean. You can go hunting, fishing or experience the rush of skydiving and base jumping!
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Culture and Architecture If jumping off a cliff is not really your thing, you may wish to explore Yara's rich history and architecture. It offers many national parks, museums, Churches, there's even a Dino Park! Stay tuned for future content and information.
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A picturesque street in Esperanza, Yara
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Catedral de la Divinidad, Esperanza, Yara
Things to Know Before Visiting Yara
Please read this section carefully for potentially life saving things to know before visiting Yara.
Nighttime Curfews Due to the current situation, some but not all towns impose a nightly curfew and residents and travelers alike are required to remain indoors between the hours of 8PM to 6AM. In addition to the capital city of Esperanza, towns like Segunda and Concepción are also under curfew. To find out if your city is currently under curfew, pay attention to announcements over the national PA system which will provide information in both Spanish and English.
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Carry your Passport and Identification on your person at ALL TIME
Soldados of the Fuerzas Nacionales de Defensa or FND, have the right to demand that anyone produce valid identification at any given time. Just show your papers. It is that simple.
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Obey the FND at all times!
Yara is a... ehh.. highly regulated country and is under martial law at this time. As a traveler, it is your duty to obey the rules and regulations at all times to avoid incarceration or-- To avoid incarceration.
Additional rules There are many rules that may appear strange to foreigners but must be respected to ensure that you remain safe during your stay in Yara. No public gathering In light of recent events which resulted in violent protests, public gatherings of 6 people or more are prohibited and will be met with swift action by the FND. If you are traveling in a group, you can obtain a special permit from the Ministry of Culture. Restricted Areas and Additional temporary entry restrictions Yara is big on safety and signs. As you travel in Yara, you will encounter many signs prohibiting or restricting access to military sites and government owned and operated facilities. DO NOT TRESPASS IN YARA. Ever. Additionally, you may see areas that are not normally restricted add temporary restrictions at certain times, such as events organized by the Ministry of Culture, public executions, or public appearances by El Presidente de Yara, Antón Castillo. Restrictions on Tobacco Smoking of tobacco is not illegal in Yara, however, it is not permitted to possess more than 25 grams, the equivalent of two packs of cigarettes, at any one time.
For more information on activities, places, events, and all things Yara, come back and visit this site often!
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A lot more content coming soon!
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Editor’s Note:
You may be aware that there is another airport in Yara, Aeropuerto Gabriel Castillo De La Joya near Concepción on the very tip of Yara’s east coast, however, it was not mentioned in this section as it is no longer being used for international flights. The airport has been converted to a military airport. A photographer who will remain anonymous for safety reasons may or may not have momentarily trespassed to bring you these few photographs.
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visityaratoday · 9 months
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Yara's graffiti artist: Zenia Zayas
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visityaratoday · 11 months
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Is anyone travelling this summer?
Where are you guys going?
✈️ 🌴🦩🪷
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visityaratoday · 1 year
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FAQ: Frequently Asked Questions/ preguntas frecuentes- Page 2
We received so many more questions than we could properly respond to in one sitting, so here we go for part 2. From immigration to some very intimate questions, we respond to them all!
Q: Is it true that everyone in Yara can fix cars?
A: Surely not everyone, but general car repair is a crucial skill to learn early in life when available cars are old and likely to break down. If you do need your car repaired though, please go to a mechanic shop. There are plenty around Yara.
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Q: Where can i buy cigars?
A: You can buy cigars at local shops or from stands in public squares and markets. However, it is worth mentioning that many Yarans smoke Mexican tobacco as most of our tobacco fields have been taken over by the Viviro™ industry and may or may not contain a compound used in its production that may or may not cause your eyes to bleed and your brain to fry. Something to keep in mind if you are purchasing a souvenir for uncle Bob.
Q: I want to move to Yara. Any advice?
A: Yes. Stay home. No offense but most foreigners could not handle Yara full time. It’s all fun and games for a few weeks, but you would need to deal with hurricanes, shortages of every kind, the bureaucracy is a nightmare.. we’re not even talking about the housing crisis, the constant economic collapse. Honestly, a lot of Yarans are trying to get the f out of here you wanna come in?! You could always get a non paying job at an Outcast camp if this is truly your dream. They’ll take anybody. You don’t even need to speak Spanish. Otherwise, stay home. You are happy there.
Q: Can you go surfing?
A: Of course! Although jetskis are much more popular and readily available to rent and use.
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Q: I want to do a Cruise, but I hate going on boats. What do you recommend?
A: Helicopter tours! - Check it out!
Q: Are there any hospitals? How is the healthcare?
A: We have hospitals and field clinics. Travelers may access medical services as long as they do not have a criminal record. People with a criminal history or history of civil disobedience are not entitled to receive care. (Doctors and nurses can actually lose their licenses and be thrown in jail if they assist you. It’s harsh, we know, but we don’t make those rules.)
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If you do suffer an injury or fall ill while traveling in Yara and you believe you do not qualify for healthcare, you can find an unlicensed field clinic that may be able to provide care for a price. But keep in mind, those installations are not always the cleanest. They do what they can.
Editor's Note: Here is one such unlicensed "field clinic" doing what they can.
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Q: What do I do if someone tries to sell me crap on the beach?
A: Whatever you do, just be polite. Those people are simply trying to make a living. ‘No, gracias,’ goes a long way. Or perhaps do consider parting with a couple of pesos. Consider it your gift to our beautiful country.
Q: Why is it raining? Isn’t yara supposed to be a tropical country?
A: Hello, hurricane season. We are a Caribbean island and do have a rainy season which spans from about May through November. If you were here in September or October, chances are you got rain.
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Q: do they eat dogs in Yara?
A: NO! We do have feral dogs but dogs are not a source of protein for most Yarans in normal times. There are backwoods cantinas that prepare and serve coyote meat but this is not a dish we could recommend.
Q: Are there any vegan restaurants? What do you recommend?
A: Veganism isn’t quite as widespread or popular in our country yet. Meat and fish remain the staple diet in Yara out of necessity. We are unable to recommend any vegan restaurant at this time. Lo siento.
Q: Is Yara LBGTQ friendly?
A: This is always quite the touchy subject because I am obliged to say that “Love is Love” is not quite a thing yet in our country, not for lack of effort to change things on the part of many of our citizens. Same sex marriage is not recognized nor legal in Yara at least at the time this article was written.
That being said, there are some drag shows that the government sponsors in an effort to appear more progressive and open-minded. There is at least one known underground gay bar but we are unable to share its location in order to protect the privacy and safety of the Yarans that may frequent said establishment. All and all, LGBTQ+ travelers, with a bit of research and a lot - a lot!! - of discretion may yet find that Yara’s queer community is alive and well, if away from the public eye.
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Q: I don’t speak Spanish. Can I still travel to Yara?
A: Most Yarans are bilingual as English as a second language is taught throughout elementary school. There are some bilingual signs and all public announcements are played in Spanish and in English. As for other languages, we know of a small Russian-Yaran community and perhaps a minority of multilingual people but we cannot make assumptions that any language other than Spanish and English will be widely understood.
Q: Can I speak to the manager?
A: If by manager you mean El Presidente de Yara, this is not something we would recommend attempting. Grievances could be addressed with the PDP (Protectorado de Defensa de la Patria) but this is not something we would recommend doing either.
Q: What’s the best sniper rifle?
A: We are in no way gun experts and do not condone violence of any kind.
Q: Why are all the clocks set to 6:13?
A: That’s an urban legend.
Editor's Note: ...
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Q: Why are yaran chicks so hot?
A: Because it’s hot in Yara.
Q: Are the men circumcised?
A: Ehhh I haven't had the chance to interview every man in Yara to find out but from my brief compulsory military service where privacy is practically nonexistent, I wanna say, mostly no?
Editor's Note: Do we edit that one out? 
Q: Is it true that cockfighting is legal? Why are you so backwards and barbaric?
A: Whether cockfighting is officially legal is debatable. The authorities are surely aware of tournaments occurring, they just don’t care. It is in no way everyone’s cup of tea and it isn’t a national sport or anything, more of an underground thing. There are known fighting rooster breeders such as Álvarez Farm and Esmeralda Eco Farm but don’t go to that one. Just.. don’t.
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Q: Can I get a refund if it rains?
A:¿Puedo obtener un reembolso si las personas me hacen preguntas tontas? The rainy season in the Caribbean runs from late May through November. Perhaps you would enjoy a nice vacation on the surface of the Sun instead? Book your tickets here.
Q: Are there any coconut trees in Yara? I once went to Fiji and was too afraid to leave my room because I have a phobia of a coconut falling from a tree and killing me.
A: Your call.
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Go to: FAQ Page 3
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visityaratoday · 9 months
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Fauna y Flora de Yara: Crocodiles
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If you explore Yara long enough, chances are you will encounter crocodiles along the coastline as well as inland around rivers and lakes. In this article, you will learn about Yara’s crocodiles, their importance in our society as well as some safety tips if you ever find yourself face to face with these majestic but dangerous creatures.
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Species: Yaran vs Yanqui
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Yaran Crocodile
Indigenous to our country, they are smaller than their American counterparts with a longer snout and generally live and hunt in small groups (basks? A float? I’m sure there is a fancy word for a bunch of crocs other than run!)
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American Crocodile
They are HUGE. More than triple the size of our indigenous crocs. They emit a deep rumbling sound when disturbed. American crocodiles were introduced into Yara by the Castillo administration for reasons unknown.
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American Crocodile vs fighting roosters.
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Size comparison Yaran vs Yanqui crocs.
Importance in Yaran Society
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There is so much to say about crocodiles. We do try and keep these articles as concise as possible, but there is a lot to cover.
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Crocodile Farms
Our crocodile farms are more intended as tourist attractions rather than actually raising crocodiles. There are several of them across the island as well as theme parks. Too many to show them all but notable attractions include:
Ortega Croc Farm where you can sit and enjoy a meal while watching crocodiles go about their crocodile business. This farm also holds a special mixed breed croc named “Beatriz” on display.
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Ortega Croc Farm in Aguas Lindas, Madrugada featuring Beatriz.
Serpentino Park on Cortina River features breathtaking habitats where you can encounter crocodiles in their natural environment. Guided tours may be offered. Check schedules at the visitor centre. Bring mosquito repellent. 
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Serpentino Park on Cortina River, Costa del Mar, Madrugada.
Hunting and Food Source  
People hunt them for food as much as they hunt humans for the same reason.
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Pop-culture and the Arts
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Croco-Taxi: These novelty taxis are obviously aimed at tourists. The idea was borrowed from our Cuban neighbours but we like to pretend we came up with it.
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Sculptures: Yarans from the upper class will commission impressive sculptures featuring crocodiles as a display of power and wealth.
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Paintings of crocodiles in a rich gusano's bathroom and office space.
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"Art Nouveau:" Taxidermy...not sure how well I would sleep with a dead croc hanging over my bed, but to each his or her own.
Habitat and Conservation
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Crocodiles are everywhere even if you can’t always see them.
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Yaran crocodiles silently gliding under a fishing boat, Cortina River, Costa del Mar.
Despite our government’s every effort to protect crocodile habitats, there has been occurrences of toxic spills as a consequence of Viviro™ production with disastrous impact on wildlife, including crocodiles.
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A mutated crocodile in Cienaga Nublada National Park - Cocodrilo Swamps, Balaceras, Valle de Oro.
Guerrilla Warfare
Crocodiles have been utilized in guerrilla warfare - from tossing chunks of meat into military bases to attract wild crocodiles to actually training them as attacking combatants.
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Safety Around Crocodiles
We don’t really need to tell you that crocodiles are dangerous animals but let’s stress the fact anyway. - We are working on a Crocodile Safety Instructional Video which will be made available in the near future. Stay tuned. 
In the meantime, if you do find yourself in the murderous clutches of a crocodile, here are a few tips to increase your chances of survival:
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You will want to press into the roof of the crocodile's mouth to release/loosen its grip..
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Remove your body part from the mouth as fast as possible and clock the thing in the eye..
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Then kick as hard as you can and run away.
As you see, crocodiles are truly a part of the very fabric of Yara and, like them or hate them, they are unlikely to go anywhere anytime soon. Yara is their island and we just live on it.
Editor's Note: Loco por los Cocodrilos
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Some crazy cabrón held a funeral for his pet croc.
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Some even crazier cabrón had a relationship with his pet croc and he  … well .. you don’t wanna know. She ate him in the end and she lived happily ever after. Or not. She was shot. What’s wrong with people?
To learn more about activities, places, events, and all things Yara, follow us here and on all major social media. You can also check out our Content Index to find more articles of interest. Stay safe, mi gente.
If you've made it this far, drop us a like!
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visityaratoday · 1 year
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Virtual Photographers: we have a mission for you.
Are you into Virtual Photography?
Are you going to the town of Segunda soon? You wanna help VisitYaraToday? Submit your best VP of Segunda landmarks and your shots could be featured in next month’s article.
This is unpaid opportunity as the Yaran government gives us zero budget for this. Shots must be of buildings and landmarks in Segunda, Cruz Del Salvador, preferably in good weather. You may submit your shots through DM or by Reblogging this post and adding your shots. You will be credited for the pictures used in the article or any subsequent articles.
Try not to trespass. Stay safe!
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visityaratoday · 1 year
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Places to Visit: Segunda: A City Divided.
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Beautifully painted sign at the entrance of the town, Segunda, Cruz Del Salvador, Valle de Oro; Picture by @mynonsenseistingling.
Segunda is the largest city in the province of Cruz Del Salvador in the central region of Valle de Oro. It is home to music, culture, and is rich in our history. This article will take you on a virtual tour of this bustling and lively city.
Main Attractions
Architecture, Shops, etc
There is not one main attraction in Segunda. Rather many small streets surrounding a central square, El Toro Square, featuring brightly painted buildings of Spanish colonial architecture. Taking a stroll through the streets of Segunda is considered by many the town’s main attraction, where you will find shops, restaurants, bars, and old classic cars. The people of Segunda are generally quite friendly and approachable.
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FND Recruitment Offices building, Segunda.
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Another Church with no name, let's call it La Iglesia de Segunda
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One of many businesses in Segunda; Picture by @mynonsenseistingling.
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Awh the classic cars... What would be life in Yara without them?
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A tourist takes a picture in El Toro Square, Segunda.
And of course, who says public town square says some fellow trying to sell you something. However, Segunda being much more touristy, you will find people selling refresco, food, and of course cigars. Buy some!
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Where to Stay
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We searched long and hard but were unable to locate any good places to stay within Segunda. The closest venues are located a short drive around El Tiburón Lagoon. There is a peninsula with many options including the prestigious El Tigre Dormido Hotel. Check local listings for pricing and availability. Also we were told the pool might be closed for maintenance.
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El Tigre Dormido Hotel, Burros Bay, Cruz Del Salvador, Yara.
Where to Eat
Good eateries are not hard to find around the city. Just walk around and you will come across many cafes and cantinas. We recommend the Taberna El Escritor Jalado among others.
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Taberna El Escritor Jalado, Opened during curfew hours; Segunda.
If you are in the mood for a little adventure and want to try something different, you can check out Los Langostinos Cafe located a short drive north of the city. As the name suggests, they serve fresh langoustines. This author has not personally tried it due to an allergy to shellfish but it looks like a decent place with a large terrace overlooking an old plantation that is still operational today. Plenty of parking at the bottom of the hill and you will need to climb a few stairs to get there, but it’s good para tu trasero.
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Los Langostinos Cafe, Cruz Del Salvador, Valle de Oro, Yara.
Art and Culture
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Mural painted on the side of a building, Segunda, Yara.
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Mural by local artist, Segunda; Picture taken by @mynonsenseistingling.
You will toss a pebble in Segunda and find a beautiful mural or piece of art by local artists. (But not the metal statues. We do not talk about the metal statues.)
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This authoritarian-looking monument was apparently given to Yara by the, at the time, USSR, in 1974 and represents “the country’s new, modern pursuits born from its past” or something; Picture by @mynonsenseistingling.
Historical stuff square
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You will find an inner courtyard with various artifacts and plaques with bits and pieces of our history. You can go read them but in a nutshell, they recount how Segunda used to be surrounded by many sugar plantations in the 1800’s. “Settlers in the Caribbean used rum as currency in the New World.” Slaves were brought into Yara from east Africa by the Spanish settlers to work the sugar cane plantations. A pretty common historical thread among Caribbean nations except ours has a little bit more “controlling” leaders.
Segunda After Hours
The streets are dead after hours, mainly due to the curfew in place. Curfew starts at 9:00pm and is in effect until 6:00am. But it is not hardcore psycho curfew and it is certainly not as violently enforced as in other towns, but there are armed soldados patrolling after dark.
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They will ask you where you are going and may apprehend you if you are visibly inebriated or if they’re just in a mood and they don’t like your face.
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A citizen breaking curfew is being searched. She may or may not have a bad day;
However, despite the curfew order in Segunda, on some evenings, government approved live music shows are still running at a bar that is mainly frequented by military service men and women. Maybe that's why they aren't tooooo adamant about enforcing it.
Segunda: A City Divided
Segunda is an interesting place because the people are very polarized when it comes to politics. Perhaps because there is an FND Recruiting Office in town, there is a particularly strong pro-Castillo sentiment amongst citizens. Wear a blue scarf in the street, and you might even be cat-called a traitor.
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Pro-Castillo rallies are common in El Toro Square, Segunda, Yara.
This is met by an equally vehement anti-Castillo sentiment, visible in the many anti-government graffiti and general disobedience and mischief. However, this should not affect you as a tourist. Avoid appearing overly pro or con and generally try to leave our politics to our people. This is true across the rest of Yara as well.
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We hope that you enjoyed this tour of Segunda. For more information on activities, places, events, and all things Yara, consult our content index at the top of this page. Follow this page and come back often for more content!
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This photo encompasses all of the chaotic beauty that is Segunda in one glance.
Special Acknowledgement
A special thanks to our guest photographer, @mynonsenseistingling, who graciously provided some of the shots for this article and for being one of our agency’s first and most faithful supporters.
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A side road to Segunda; Picture by @mynonsenseistingling
Editor's Note:
We did visit inside of the FND Recruiting Office. The lady at the counter gave us the side eye.
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And later on, some FND recruiter briefly took us in his car. Poor fellow probably thought we were interested in enlisting. Sorry, hermano. Already did our time and paid our dues. Sweet ride though.
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visityaratoday · 1 year
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Things to Do Before You Die : Take a Helicopter Tour
There are many ways to take to the skies in Yara - seems no one needs a pilot license nowadays. If you are feeling bold but not bold enough to fly by yourself, you can take a short but worth it Helicopter Tour off the coast of Conuco in El Este. The tour will take you along the Sombra River, over the village of Maldito, over to Schaub Pass and off the coast.
Pick up is at Carbonell Farm - It's a coconut farm - South East of Concepción. Your pilot's name is Calixto Alba. He's a former FND pilot but he'll tell you all about it. At the end of the tour, the pilot can either take you back to the farm or you can parachute down to a ship below. Your call, but remember, in life, you only regret the things you haven't done. Happy flying!
Watch the short clip below for a sample of the tour and don’t mind the chatter. Fellow looooves to chat.
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visityaratoday · 1 year
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Content Index
We have added an index so you can quickly find what you're looking for. See what’s NEW below when new content is added.
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Places to Visit:
Verdera: A One Horse Town Segunda: A City Divided.
Getting Around Yara:
Main Roads
Fauna y Flora de Yara:
Marine Life Crocodiles
Things to do Before You Die:
Take a Helicopter Tour Visit a Haunted Fortress
FAQ
FAQ / preguntas frecuentes - Page 1 FAQ / preguntas frecuentes - Page 2 FAQ/preguntas frecuentes - Page 3
All Things Yara:
Himno Nacional Yarano : Learn our National Anthem with English translation An Introduction - Includes "Things to Know Before Visiting Yara Santo Gusto Café Company Complete Viviro™ Tour ( Available on our YouTube channel)
From Our YouTube Channel:
The Segunda Hangover: What NOT to do in Yara Storytime with Philly Barzaga: How Chorizo Got His Wheels Dr. Yanny Dábolos' Shock Therapy Complete Viviro™ Tour NEW
We have a new YouTube Channel:
Check it out!: VYT Productions
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visityaratoday · 1 year
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Places to Visit: Verdera: A One Horse Town.
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Aerial view of downtown Verdera, Lozanía, Madrugada.
Verdera is a small one horse town located in the province of Lozanía in the rural region of Madrugada. There isn’t all that much to do up there but it was still worth getting a paycheck for the day so we went there and I am writing this article anyway. Verdera is from “verde,” meaning green. A well-suited name for a town nestled in a valley surrounded by lush green hills.
Main Attractions
Town square and Church In the middle of this tiny dot on the map of a town stands the Church of Verdera. We searched everywhere for the actual name of the Church, but even the locals simply refer to it as “la Iglesia de Verdera.” Like many small towns around the world, the town square is the main hub where many public events, live music performances, etc, take place.
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La Iglesia de Verdera and town square.
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Public performance schedule: Friday: Tres and Trumpet. Saturday: Mambo Night. Sunday: Church Choir.
You will often see Yarans set up pop up “garage sale” types of shops in the town square to try and sell items of very little value to tourists. But before you purchase someone’s broken kitchen appliance or a used toothbrush, why not donate a couple of pesos to these hard working men and women of Yara instead.
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Don't buy someone's used toothbrush for the love of...
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And if random basura is not your thing, there is also a farmer’s market nearby where you can buy fresh produce and various meats.
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Farmer's market in Verdera.
Visiting the Church
You can, but remember to keep your visit brief and be respectful of parishioners. Additionally, the church is often patrolled by FND (Fuerzas Nacionales de Defensa) soldiers who may or may not approve of your presence there depending on your conduct. For more information on the FND, consult the “Things to Know Before Visiting Yara” section or ask a VisitYaraToday agent.
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Inside the Iglesia de Verdera.
Where to Stay
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We think this might be a bed and breakfast but you should think of Verdera as more of a day trip location.
Where to Eat
The best and probably only place to eat in Verdera is a cantina which offers your usual fast food items (pizza, hamburguesa, etc) but it also features an outdoor terrace where meats are grilled right in front of you and served with the best local cerveza.
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Como dicen los estadounidenses: Awwhhh yiiehhh
Worth mentioning
There’s a Radio Verdad station in the town. You can’t really visit it but it is worth mentioning since it is the only officially recognized radio station of Yara.
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Radio Libertad. I mean Radio Verdad!
The town is very rural
Cows and chickens wandering around, tractors on the main road, people slaughtering pigs, all part of everyday life in Verdera and what makes its charm.
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Oh, there's the one horse.
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Verderanos doing Verderano things.
Areas to Avoid
Campo de Béisbol
There is a baseball field. Do not go to the baseball field. It is.. closed for.. maintenance.
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Campo de Béisbol closed for.. repairs. Indefinitely.
We hope that you enjoyed this virtual tour of Verdera and as always, for more information on activities, places, events, and all things Yara, come back and visit this page often and follow us on Tumblr!
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Editor's Note:
Are we not going to talk about public executions that are regularly held in that town square? It’s no secret. They are filmed and broadcasted live on Yara’s public tv network. These events are usually announced a day or two in advance over the public service announcement system, so if you are squeamish, come back when it’s all over.
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visityaratoday · 1 year
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Getting Around Yara: Main Roads
Driving around Yara can be quite pleasant, but to get the most out of your experience, there are a few things you should know before hitting the road.
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Yarans are CRAZY drivers!
Life is short and Yarans have places to be so aggressive and reckless driving is the norm. If someone needs to pass you, they will honk and pass you at high speeds. You'll get used to it. Just stay in your lane and try and avoid cussing them out.
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A water utility vehicle involved in a crash.
Road Rules In short, there are none. There are no Stop signs and traffic lights are not a thing. The only road signs you will see in Yara are speed limits and even those are more of a guideline than an actual rule and no one follows it.
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A Yaran woman riding at the back of a truck, Madrugada, Yara.
Checkpoints One thing that is NOT a suggestion however and you most definitely need to pay attention to are checkpoints. Checkpoints are set up along the main roads all across Yara to ensure the safety of all Yaran citizens and visitors to our country. They help limit the movement of dissidents, contraband, among other things, and allows for Yara to be safe and under control. Upon approaching a checkpoint, you must slow down and present valid documentation, identification, and whatever the FND agent may ask you to provide.
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Types of checkpoint signs encountered along Yara’s main roads.
If you think you are in a hurry somewhere, you’re about to miss your flight or are thinking about skipping the checkpoint bureaucracy just this one time? Think again. Failure to reduce speed will result in your tires being blown out by road spikes and then you will most definitely miss your flight. Because you will be in custody. So do take the checkpoints seriously.
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A dissident Yaran about to have a very bad day.
"Liberated" Checkpoints
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From time to time, local groups of dissidents might temporarily take control of a checkpoint. You will recognize the checkpoints that are no longer under FND control by blue flags erected and various acts of vandalism committed such as spray painted pictures and anti-governmental slogans.
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Checkpoint under temporary dissident control.
You may still pass through but avoid lingering for your safety as these areas can be unpredictable without FND guidance.
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A citizen caught in a skirmish. If you think you needed a cadaver warning here, Yara may not be a suitable destination for you. Perhaps consider vacationing in the Bahamas instead.
Military Presence
Yara being under martial law, it is normal and expected to encounter military vehicles of various types on the roads. The Fuerzas Nacionales de Defensa conducts regular, even incessant patrols of all major roads in Yara. Expect to see military personnel traveling in Jeeps with or without turrets, Armored Military Vehicles, tanks, even on horseback. Stay cool. Give them space and it’s as if they aren’t even there.
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FND soldier riding on horseback. Tanks share the road.
Gas/Petrol Stations or Gasolinera
Getting gas in Yara can be tricky at times. There ARE gas stations, however, some are guarded by military personnel. This is to ensure gas is only utilized by law abiding citizens, or “True Yarans,” for lack of a better term. If a soldado is guarding the pumps, be polite, ask nicely and also remember that offering bribes goes a long way in Yara. ;)
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FND soldier guarding a gasolinera.
Obstacles/Wildlife on the road
Yara’s beautiful and vast expanse of jungle and many farms means a lot of wildlife and animals running around including across roads. Be vigilant, especially at night when visibility is reduced. 
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Why did the chickens cross the road?
Random shit
From dogs, livestock, wild coyotes, idiot joggers, just always be ready for anything and everything to jump out onto the road. Poison spills, broken down cars, upturned vehicles are also more frequent than we would like them to be so don't take your eyes off the road. Texting and driving is just one more thing that can and will kill you in Yara.
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The type of bull encountered while driving in Yara. 
Follow these tips and your next road trip in Yara will be a breeze!
For more information on activities, places, events, and all things Yara, come back and visit this site often!
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Editor's Note:
You might be thinking: all this sounds too crazy, why don't I just take the bus instead? Surely they have public transit in Yara. There are bus stops, but, don't wait for the bus. You might be there for hours, days, who knows! The taxis don’t even stop at the bus stops.
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Buses are just not reliable.
And no one knows why.
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visityaratoday · 9 months
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Ready for the summer to end?
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Or would you wish for one last dive in the pool?
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Be honest.
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visityaratoday · 1 year
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Fauna y Flora de Yara: Marine Life
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People come to Yara for its breathtaking beaches, but did you know that beneath those perfect waves, the waters are teeming with life from stunning blue tangs to stinging jellyfish. In this article, we will talk about marine life and ocean safety. Our golden safety rule when it comes to the ocean is ¡Mira antes de bucear! : ‘Look before you dive,’ and you will see why.
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Why are there crunchy crabs everywhere?
When you get to the beach, one of the first things you might notice is the crabs. They’re huge and they’re everywhere so they are hard to miss. The good news is, you don’t have to worry about them. They’re harmless. They feed on dead fish and dead.. well they are good beach cleaners. Just try to avoid stepping on them. It's messy. Especially barefoot.
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Red crabs. Serpentino Park, Costa del Mar, Madrugada.
Things that Aren’t Trying to Kill You
Contrary to popular belief, not everything in Yara’s waters is trying to kill you. I mean, a LOT of things in Yara’s waters are trying to kill you but let’s take a look at what isn't.
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Squirrelfish - They’re edible so they don't eat you, you eat them! 
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We think these are Powder Blue Tangs which are not generally common in the Caribbean as opposed to Blue Tangs but hey, we are not Ictiólogos.
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Flying fish! This author’s personal favourite non-deadly sea creatures in Yara.
¡Peligroso!
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There is no way around it, yes, there are sharks and barracudas in Yara’s waters and lots of them. Sometimes, they do come quite close to the coast so swimmers will need to exercise caution. You may encounter signs that prohibit swimming in certain areas. Yes, more signs. Yara is big on warning signs, but do heed those ones. They are there for a reason.
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¡Sharks!
There are two main species of sharks that frequent Yara’s coastal waters: Reef sharks and Bull sharks. Pay closer attention to Reef sharks as they are more aggressive and more likely to bite humans. You can find pamphlets at some local gasolinerías with precise locations where sharks are more frequent and avoid swimming in those areas.
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A massive bull shark off the coast of Barrial, El Este.
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A  battle-scarred Reef shark, Sirena Bay, Aguas Lindas, Madrugada.
Barracudas
They are fast and they are nasty. Best to just stay away from them.
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A mid-sized barracuda, Yara.
Lionfish
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Lionfish, Aguas Lindas, Madrugada.
Now this thing won't eat you but its sting hurts like a puta and it hurts for a long time. You can generally see them swim in groups close to the surface as they feed. What did we say? 'Mira antes de bucear.' That's it. Don't jump on them and you won't bring back a raging red rash to your home country when you leave.
More Stinging Things
A staple sight in the Caribbean and Yara is no different; jellyfish abound. We have two main types and I am tired of Googling fish.
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The long tentacled fuckers.
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The short blobby fuckers.
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Oh and they are also found in underwater caves for extra creepiness points. (I hate medusas. They hurt, just stay away from them.)
¡Mira antes de bucear!
Now that you are good and traumatized with everything lurking in the ocean, let us drive home the importance of paying attention to your surroundings.
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You could be merrily swimming in the ocean, minding your own business..
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When BAM! The barracuda strikes and now you are having a bad day.
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Consider carrying a machete or a large hunting knife if you travel by boat further off the coast, to defend yourself should you fall in the water. Just make sure not to openly carry such items in cities where it is prohibited to do so. Don’t worry, we have signs for that too. ;)
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All this being said, do not let all of this marine life deter you from enjoying Yara’s wonderful beaches and waters. With the right amount of precaution, you can enjoy the ocean safely and bring back memories not injuries.
As always, to learn more about activities, places, events, and all things Yara, come back and visit this page often. We try and post twice monthly.
Editor's Note:
Honorable mention to these little guys with a nasty bite. These are gars and were not included because they are mostly found inland in the rivers and not in the ocean. They are also delicious so eat them before they eat you! It’s you or them!
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visityaratoday · 11 months
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Not that anyone is counting the days, but our next article will be delayed because we will be going to the beach this weekend. Even our agency workers get a day off here and there. 😋
Stay safe AND hydrated, mi gente!
In the meantime, if you have any questions, concerns or comments, feel free to email us at [email protected]. We try and respond within 27 business days.
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visityaratoday · 1 year
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All Things Yara:
Santo Gusto Coffee Company
When you think of Yara, you might immediately think: tobacco, Viviro™, guns, and crocodiles, but did you know that Yara grows, produces, packages, and distributes its very own coffee.
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Founded in 1882, Santo Gusto Café has been enjoyed by Yaran from all walks of life from the peasant toiling the fields to our very own El Presidente, Antón Castillo.
Growing Coffee
If you want the best coffee, you start with the best soil. Our coffee is grown in the lush foothills of Robustas Hills in El Este region.
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One of many coffee plantations in Robustas Hills, Sierra Perdida, El Este.
Individual farms grow the coffee under strict regulation by the Yaran government. They use only organic and 100% natural fertilizer.
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Homegrown coffee plantlets, Roxas Farm, Sierra Perdida, El Este.
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Wild boars grazing in the coffee fields, Roxas Farm, Sierra Perdida, El Este.
Growing coffee is certainly a labour of love.
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A field worker spreading fertilizer by hand; Plantation in Robustas Hills, Sierra Perdida, El Este.
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Harvesting and Processing the Beans
Small individual farms around the Sierra Perdida province grow, harvest, and locally process the raw beans. They are hand picked, cleaned, and dried in the Yaran sun. Afterwards, the coffee beans are sent to Santo Gusto Coffee Factory for further processing and packaging for distribution.
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Freshly picked coffee beans, Bolivar Farm, Sierra Perdida, El Este.
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Sun drying coffee beans, Garbey Farm, Sierra Perdida, El Este.
Santo Gusto Coffee Factory
Every stage of coffee production is highly regulated by the government of Yara to ensure top quality of the final product, and for this, there is constant FND (Fuerzas Nacionales de Defensa) presence on location at the processing facility. Moreover, cameras, security systems and armed guards make approaching the facility problematic, let alone visiting it.
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Outside Santo Gusto Coffee Factory.
However we were able to grant ourselves temporary access to the factory grounds  - by means which will not be disclosed here - and got to play factory workers for a day for the sake of this article.
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One of our crew members posing inside a storage room in Santo Gusto Coffee Factory.
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Main entrance to the processing facility, Santo Gusto Coffee Factory; Crew member modeling picking through dried coffee beans.
Jobs! Jobs! Jobs!
Coffee is an important industry for Yara’s economy and makes up for ehhh 37% of all jobs. It is responsible for creating employment for countless Yarans, from farmers, factory workers, to delivery truck drivers, and coffee shop owners.
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A roadside barista offers freshly ground and brewed coffee, Sierra Perdida, El Este.
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A photogenic delivery truck driver.
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Sponsoring Street Racing?
Santo Gusto Café is itself overseen and partly funded by Yara’s government, but the company remains independent enough to sponsor community events. It is the main sponsor for a highly popular annual street race.
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The race sets out from the small community of Santo Domingo.
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Santo Domingo, Sierra Perdida, El Este.
The course twists and turns through the muddy trails of Robustas Hills and anyone with a pickup with decent enough suspension can take part.
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A racer taking part in Santo Gusto sponsored street race.
Contestants don’t race against one another simultaneously, but rather against the clock for muddy glory. This is to keep the event relatively safe since the course does run through a main road as well.
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A driver taking part in Santo Gusto sponsored race to a fiery finish line.
If you enjoyed this article and would like to learn more about activities, places, events, and all things Yara, come back and visit this page often and follow us on Tumblr!
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Stay tuned for an exclusive guided tour INSIDE the factory!
Editor's Notes:
Coffee growers being so strictly regulated by the Yaran government, some take it upon themselves to grow a little extra and sell it on the side. You gotta make a living wage somehow.
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Also, don't be fooled: orgánico, shmorgánico. The wind doesn’t care about your feelings and PG-240 compound IS in your coffee. Lo siento.
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visityaratoday · 1 year
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FAQ: Frequently Asked Questions/ preguntas frecuentes - Page 1
We often get questions from travelers wanting to know more about Yara before booking their trip. Here are some of the most Frequently Asked Questions in no particular order and our answers.
Q: Is it safe?
A: This is probably the number one most frequently asked question, is Yara safe? As a traveler, yes, Yara is safe. As long as you follow the rules, carry your documentation and passport on your person at all times and obey the FND (Fuerzas Nacionales de Defensa) at all times. Don’t try and act like a fool and you will be safe and enjoy a wonderful stay in Yara.
Q: Is there electricity in Yara?
A: Of course we have electricity in Yara. It’s glitchy at times but, yes. We have cellphone reception too and the internet. It’s slow but it works.
Q: Is it true that there’s no stop signs or red lights?
A: Yes and no. There are no stop signs, that is true. We do have red lights in the capital city of Esperanza but most are non operational and we have grown accustomed to driving without them so we doubt they will get fixed any time soon. To learn more about driving in Yara, you may wish to check out this article: Getting Around Yara: Main Roads
Q:"Is it safe to drink the bathwater?"
A: A very good question. There is drinkable water accessible in most of Yara. It comes from our water treatment plant, but water is expensive to treat as we must pump and treat salt water. You will notice even treated water keeps a slightly mineral aftertaste but you get used to it. Of course, if you have a sensitive gut or are worried about “la turista,” we do suggest you exercise caution when drinking the local water as you would in any Latin American country. Bottled water is also accessible in most stores if you want to stay on the safe side. 
As for bathwater specifically, because drinkable water is so expensive, we do not take baths. We take showers. Or as the old saying goes: “who needs a shower when you have the rain?”
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Q: Are there dead bodies everywhere!? Will I see a dead body when I visit?!? I’m going with my son and he’s 4 years old and I don’t want him to see stuff like that. Is this something I should be  worried about? 
A: This one was an interesting one and we do get such questions quite often. How to put this. The situation being what it is in Yara, violence and deadly violence does occur. So your chances of encountering a human corpse are more than likely exponentially higher than in your home country depending on where you live, that’s the truth. However, our authorities work extremely hard to remove and properly bury any human remains found in public areas. We cannot by any means promise you that you will never encounter a dead body while visiting Yara unless you keep to your hotel and the beach right next to your hotel. Perhaps have a conversation with your child and tell them it’s always Halloween in our country and… we like scary decorations?
Q: What’s with the curfews? Is it because of Covid?
A: We did have extensive lockdowns during the Covid-19 crisis but this seems to have fizzled out. The nightly curfews imposed in select cities including the capital city of Esperanza, Concepción, and Segunda, are in place to “limit and control dissident activity.” Please do take the curfew orders seriously as the FND will not differentiate between travelers and terroristas. The exact times will be posted around the cities and also broadcasted over the public announcement systems in Spanish and in English so no excuses.
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Q: Can I bring my dog? Is Yara dog friendly?
A: Of course! Yara is extremely dog friendly. Dogs are welcomed practically anywhere and there are no quarantine requirements as far as we know. A few things to remember: the FND utilizes attack dogs that are walked off leash. Do not allow your pet to approach them as these are trained military dogs. Also remember that we have wildlife such as crocodiles and pumas so remember to keep an eye out to keep your mascota safe. Otherwise, yes! Your dog is welcomed in Yara. 
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Q: are the beaches safe? Are there sharks and stuff?
A: You will find all of that information in this article: Marine Life
Q: Am I gonna get shot?
A: If you aren’t an imbecile, probably not.
Q: Do you eat crocodiles?
A: Yes. It’s delicious. Everyone’s abuela has their own crocodile stew recipe. You should try it.
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Q: Does travel insurance cover my camera being eaten by a crocodile?
A: You would have to check with your travel insurance.
Q: "Do I need to use crocodile repellent? If so, can I buy it from you?"
A: So many crocodile questions. Travelers seem to have concerns about crocodiles. We may need to write an article on the topic, but yes, crocodiles are very common in Yara. As for any wild animal, if you don’t go too close to them, they generally won’t chase you. As for repellent, we sometimes see Yarans carry bait rather than repellant, such as random meat to toss at them then run! But carrying meats in the Yaran sun is not something we would recommend.
Q. Can I book a shark cage diving experience through your agency?
A: No but you can book a pool swimming experience with a live Reef shark. It will be in our "Things to do before you die" section in the near future.
Q: Is Diego Castillo Maria Marqessa’s son?
A: We don’t do politics or gossip.
Q: can I literally buy a gun in Yara?
A: Yes. Try Puerto Cuero east of Segunda or the town of Feroza, in the province of Balaceras.
Q: am I gonna get kidnapped when I go to Yara?
A: I hope not. Tourists are generally left alone as Yaranos would be weary of bothering or harming anyone bringing money into our country. Military presence is widespread in all tourist areas so you should feel pretty safe. That being said, if you randomly venture deep into the jungle, we cannot be held responsible for what happens to you next.
Q: can you take a selfie with the guerrillero?
A: You can ask.
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Q: Why is everything illegal in Yara?
A: Not everything is illegal in Yara, however, overly rambunctious and disrupting behaviour in public is frowned upon and may be met with FND reprisal. But you can smoke anywhere you want, you can drink although not to excess in public places, you can open carry weapons in most places and you can hunt and fish whatever you want with no permit in most places. Trust us, you can probably get away with doing a LOT crazier things in Yara than you could ever do in your home country.
Q: Does Yara have scorpions?
A: Not that we have ever seen, no.
Q: Why are there no children in Yara?
A: Of course there are children in Yara. Yaranos don’t grow on trees. However, you might notice a notable lack of children playing outside in the streets etc. You need to remember that we have many large wild animals, and some occurrences of violence and people want to keep their children as safe as possible and tend to keep them away from the streets. We have elementary schools, playgrounds, orphanages.. There ARE children in Yara. You just probably won’t see them much.
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There are many more questions to respond to but we will leave them for a subsequent post.
In the meantime, if you have any question you’d like answered, feel free to leave them in the comments, DM, or send us an email (in bio.) We will do our best to answer them in a timely manner.
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Editor's Note:
If you look for bodies, you WILL find bodies. So just don't.
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