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⋆ rayman icons | aroace ; 500×500 ; square ; for anon
like and/or reblog if you use !
#rayman#rayman icons#unlisted source#unlisted sources#rayman edit#pride icons#aroace icons#icons#mod 🌙
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A Letter
"Dear Reader,
I don't know who you are, Reader, but I love you. I love the way you look. The way you think. Your opinions matter. You matter. You're not perfect, but I'll tell you a little secret: Perfect doesn't exist. It's an empty word, an unrealistic expectation. You're human. And you're amazing just the way you are. Flaws, wants, quirks, kinks, disorders, scars, dreams, grades, gender, sexuality, all of it. If you're reading this right now, you are strong. And brave. And kind. I'm so proud of you. I know life can get so hard… And there are much easier options. But you weren't born to die. You were born to live. Life will have its ups and down, but the ability to keep going, that's what makes you so strong, and what brought you here today. You're so brave to keep living in this sad, broken world. But just knowing that someone as bright and strong as you is in the world, makes mine a little brighter and happier. And the fact that you took the time to read a stranger's message this far, just proves how kind you are. And smart too ;) , people don't acknowledge it often enough, but reading truly is an incredible skill, which is taken for granted, just like you. You are so much more brilliant and powerful and wondrous than you or anyone else could ever imagine. That's why I love you so so much, and ask you to do me a little favor. Don't give up. You've made it so far already, and there's so much more living left for you.
Don't be scared to copy and paste this message to share it with others!
With infinite admiration and wishes of light, hope, and opportunity,
- Stranger"
Anonymous
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inbox is finally empty, you know what means!!!!
inbox is open!!!!! woo!!!!!
#★━ my posts!! ★#like always! be nice!#and ASK FIRST for unlisted sources plsplspls <3#also also if you request wallpapers and specify dimensions i’ll love you forever
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I really want to do a manga colouring before I sleep but of what.
#// I feel too bad for unlisted sources because I’ll probably mess it up#// I don’t know what to do#; talking
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In the source is a payhip link to download 4,113 gifs (280x210px) of Kennedy Walsh in various videos. All of these gifs were made by me (and are 100% free), please read the gif rules linked to on this blog before using the pack. There is a link to them on the payhip page as well for your convenience.
Kennedy is a social media influencer / YouTuber, and is white. I'm also gonna be honest and admit I wouldn't personally use her anymore due to the reason I mentioned in this post, but I'm aware people have different limits and I keep getting dmed about these gifs a lot so I'm reposting them. Do whatever you want, but if you'd like to help the communities she hurt, I'd strongly recommend a donation to The Trever Project and/or supporting your local Jewish community.
If you like my content and would like to support it, please consider donating to the Palestine Children’s Relief Fund or an indigenous cause. I have links in my pinned post to point you toward some if you need suggestions. Thank you! 💕
TWs: Flashing lights and alcohol are the only ones I remember off the top of my head. I'll be completely honest, I don't want to spend any more time dealing with this repost pack than I have to so just... tread carefully, there may be triggers I didn't list. Sorry!
#kennedy walsh gif pack#kennedy walsh gif hunt#kennedy claire walsh gif pack#kennedy claire walsh gif hunt#reblogs are disabled and these are unlisted (so only viewable by the link in the source) btw#like y'all can make your own choices but this is my middle ground with myself like tbh i legit did not want to repost these#but some of y'all are... very persistent :/ (and that's as polite as i can phrase it - sorry for anyone with zero context in the tags)#anyway i'll figure out like a normal pack i actually wanna acknowledge exists to post today too off my to upload list#i'm at work though so it'll probably be several hours#* mine
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hmm uhh because I am predictable. for the palettes, Joy with Speak To Me? or Taneesha with Menace because hehe funny she is a menace
fun fact she rejected the lumberjack role solely so she could continue to leave floating trees everywhere. she’s absolutely a menace and i love that about her.
palette ask game
#dominion smp#taneeshahogan#cobaltdoodles#source for the floating trees thing is leg’s first dominion vod at 3:05:09#i would clip it but i can’t figure out how to make yt clips unlisted :pensivepeace:#unrelated but i genuinely love working with this palette it’s my favorite out of all the ones i’ve used for this ask game#i think it’s cause it’s so limited but i can blend so many colors with it
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Patreon Tier Highlight:
Graphologist!
A mid tier $$ at $25, see completed pages before the doodles are even edited! See minicomics before they’re ready to be uploaded, scratch pages with concepts I want to digitize, scrapped doodles, studies, concept art, a little bit of everything! Literally hundreds of pages of backlog going back through 2020 currently, all tagged fandom-specific so you can find what you’re looking for! Definitely the biggest bang for your buck, with all the lower non-art tiers as well! You can even see a few examples right here!
Also the Vargases have already surpassed 100-page appearances, so that’s a thing
That’s, to reiterate, One Hundred Pages, not 100 individual images, that they appear on, so take that as you will lol
(Patreon) (ko-fi)
#Patreon#Self promo#That screenshot is actually a bit out of date by now so uhh it's not just 100 anymore ♪#Not an exaggeration: The Vargases have well 1000 individual images and that's just the stuff I've Actually uploaded#So if'n you're interested in the stuff that Didn't end up making the cut/yet lol - that's somewhere in the hundreds individually I think#ANYway there's other stuff too lol - lots of my studies and their sources!#Fun fact: I actually have at least one link to an unlisted video among my sources so hey that's neat lol#Definitely my most consistent tier! Very easy to keep up with now that I've got the backlog!#And the tier with the most growth potential as well :3c Depending on the numbers over time there might be yet more backlog to reach back#Which means my first Vargas doodles and even back into Invader ZiM lol - all sorts of stuff!#It was quite fun to give Eli the digital-traditional look using the lined paper texture haha#It's pretty cool honestly!
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Request Open !
Nevermind my self indulgent mood vanished. I’ve updated my source list and any Rentry requests will be denied and deleted until further notices, because I’m getting so sick of them omfg, and I will focus more on my listed source rather than unlisted ones. Anyway, yes request are open gimme them hehe. Make sure you check my Rentry before requesting
#↳chatting#reply icons by: dreamcrush#I’m still going on camp so they may be a bit slow#fyi unlisted sources are allowed but they’ll be slower then my listed sources
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idk how some people around here claim to be feminist and against seeing women like objects and then reblog like these borderline softcore model p*rn pics from thirst accounts. Like it’s from the distasteful “pretty girls in bikinis” collection accounts that some random misogynist moids casually would run around here. Gross.
#ic.text#I might upset some people but idc it’s these specific pics that are :/#and like you can just tell a moid took those pictures ( they the sources are unlisted)#and then these pics will be like the ‘ideal’ beauty standard for men and very hypersexualized#…….lol im sorry but sometimes I’m really skeptical of the whole ‘ women look ugly conforming to patriarchal beauty standards!!! ewww I like#natural women !!!’ but then ….hmmmmm#‘ the modeling industry and beauty standards are bad!!!!!’ then u go out of the way to follow supermodel accounts ???
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⋆ jax ( tadc ) icons | trans ; 500×500 ; square ; for anon
like and/or reblog if you use !
#jax#jax tadc#tadc jax#the amazing digital circus#tadc#unlisted source#unlisted sources#jax icons#tadc icons#tadc edit#the amazing digital circus edit#pride icons#trans icons#transgender icons#icons#mod 🌙
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hello there! im Dove and im a Yashiro nene fictive i was wondering if i could request some lovecore yashiro nene icons?
ah, i'm really sorry, dove. we don't do unlisted sources, as lovely as this request seems. i believe @/tornadoblossom has tbhk on bats source list, if you would rather ask another editor.
~ mod mukuro
#[request rejected]#[mac -🔪🎼☁️]#anon ask#anonymous#... is this guilt normal#i know if someone rejected my request i'd be sad...#is there even a specific reason we don't do unlisted sources? our own enjoyment of the request perhaps?#hm
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okay!!! hi!! sorry for taking a bit i’ve been unfortunately, dreadfully busy but alas! inbox is open again! wooo! send requests yayy <3
#★━ my posts!! ★#like always be kind be respectful#read pinned asks for unlisted sources and#keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all time
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We are just a couple days away from Half-Life's 25th anniversary and we've been blessed with an update to the original Half-Life with new multiplayer maps, Steam Deck support, and restored content!
On top of that, Half-Life is FREE to own (until November, 20th, 2023) on Steam!
Other honorable mentions:
- Half-Life Deathmatch: Source is $0.99
- Half-Life: Blue Shift is $0.69
- Half-Life: Opposing Force is $0.69
- Half-Life 1: Source is $0.99 and is now also unlisted (but still available) on Steam
- Half-Life 2 is $.099
- Half-Life 2: Episode One is $0.79
- Half-Life 2: Episode Two is $0.79
- Half-Life 2 Deathmatch is $0.99
- Half-Life: Alyx is $20.39
youtube
Valve has also posted an hour-long documentary on Half-Life!
[Updated post with more deals, the documentary, and descriptive images!]
#half life#half life 2#half life 2 episode 1#half life 2 episode 2#half life blue shift#half life opposing force#gordon freeman#alyx vance#barney calhoun#isaac kleiner#eli vance#half life 25th anniversary#Youtube
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Rolls out of bed onto ground
I remember seeing a couple of discussions about if Ed’s name is a shortening of “Edward” or “Edwin” (Edward is more common but I belieeeeve he called himself Edwin in the Boomerang episode)
And since Ed’s name isnt actually Ed (in the deleted campfire scene*) I think itd be funny if “Ed” could be elongated into any name that starts with “Ed” as long as its funny/appropriate (Edgar, Edmund, Eduardo, etc.)
Rolls under bed and falls asleep there
#Sfw#He Spittle#*source is a YT video with an unlisted video as a source so. Ah.#I remember hearing someone leaked it from book-o-scams though and the other info abt the campfire scene-#-is in an ask from 2017#(Book-o-Scams ask)#eene#moon eene
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why does aniplex want mahoyo to fail
I love visual novels. being a long time fate/stay night fan and only having heard of mahoyo from hushed whispers about its cinematography, I was super invested when it was announced to be coming to the west and I could finally play an official version of it.
however, a lot of people interested in type-moon works had never heard of mahoyo, let alone it getting an official english translation. but how? aniplex is publishing the game and they're one of the largest anime distributors in the world.
with the console release of mahoyo being almost exactly a year ago and the steam release being just 10 days away, I want to look over some of aniplex USA's bizarre and nonexistent marketing for one of my favorite visual novels.
let's clear up a few things, first.
mahoyo is the shortened form of mahoutsukai no yoru (not to be confused with mahoutsukai no yome, i.e. the ancient magus bride), which has been localized as witch on the holy night. mahoyo was a linear non-eroge visual novel released by type-moon in 2012, being one of the first scripts kinoko nasu (co-founder of type-moon) wrote back in 1996 and adapted into a VN many, many years later.
in April of 2022, a console remaster (switch, playstation 4) was announced with HD assets and voice acting, to be published by aniplex. notably, this console release would contain an english translation and was later confirmed in June to be sold in the west via online retailers. this was huge news, as this meant mahoyo would be the first type-moon visual novel (not including gameplay-oriented titles like fate/extella or fate/grand order) to be officially released in the west, as despite numerous fan translations, their more recognizable visual novels tsukihime and fate/stay night still had not received a localization.
type-moon is the developer behind mahoyo and aniplex is the publisher, meaning that type-moon made the game and aniplex is in charge of distributing (and marketing) the game worldwide.
timeline:
April 11 2022: Mahoyo rerelease announced for consoles (Switch & PlayStation 4), including English translation
July 4 2022: Aniplex confirms Mahoyo will be available to the West, localized under the name Witch on the Holy Night
October 14 2022: 2nd trailer released, more voice actor info announced
November 3 2022: physical pre-orders launched, demo version available
November 18 2022: Aniplex attends Anime NYC with Mahoyo
December 7 2022: Mahoyo released digitally on Switch / PlayStation 4 (Dec 8th in Japan, Dec 7th in America)
December 12 2022: Mahoyo reaches 110k units sold worldwide
January 27 2023: Mahoyo physicals release
July 5 2023: Mahoyo reaches 150k units sold worldwide
September 10 2023: Mahoyo announced for Steam via a now unlisted Aniplex livestream
December 13 2023: Mahoyo will be released on Steam (Dec 14th in Japan, Dec 13th in America)
some of the dates might be a little fuzzy, especially the release dates, as some sources go by japanese time and some go by american timezones, so just be aware of that.
now, let's talk a bit about mahoyo itself.
mahoyo is a masterpiece. it's a niche game not meant for everyone. its cinematography is top notch among visual novels. its writing style can be off-putting to people who want faster-paced stories. it's one of my most beloved visual novels I've ever played, and I've been in this field for almost a decade and have played well over 100 VNs.
mahoyo is a completely linear visual novel—meaning it has no choices or gameplay—that follows aoko, a high schooler mage trying to balance her perfect school president facade with her secret life as a mage, something she has to keep secret at the risk of death. this is one of the lesser known type-moon works but it's well beloved because of the care put into it.
if you've ever heard someone talk about it, it's almost impossible for them to not mention the visuals. mahoyo is one of the most visually impressive visual novels I've ever seen, with its inspired use of artwork and in-game animations. I cannot recommend this VN enough if you like modern fantasy and don't mind linear VNs.
before we dive into aniplex USA's marketing, I want to clarify a few marketing terms for people who don't market visual novels as a job. marketing is not just advertising—it's everything related to how a product communicates with potential users, including its branding, its packaging, its everything. when marketing a game, you have several different avenues: social media, press & influencers, trailers, store pages, and more.
today I want to show you how, based off what I have researched after a long, manic day, aniplex USA has failed mahoyo on all of these accounts.
so let's go back to its western release.
mahoyo has a few official english channels:
website
twitter
facebook
aniplex also has an official english twitter with almost 500k followers where they shared mahoyo very rarely—only 9 tweets about the game ever.
well, surely their other pages are more maintained right—
both accounts stopped posting July 10th/11th, with their last post being about mahoyo going on sale on consoles. let's look at their posts prior to this, though, starting with the twitter.
we can see that the twitter account was made in december of 2022. if we scroll down far enough (it's not hard, given they only have 33 tweets), we can see that their first tweet was on december 6th 2022:
let's go back to our timeline. can you tell me when mahoyo's remaster released digitally?
yes they made both of the english mahoyo social media accounts the day before the game launched
we can very easily add up the entire social media posts for the game thus far:
mahoyo english twitter - 30 tweets and 3 retweets
mahoyo english facebook - 27 posts
aniplex english twitter - 9 tweets
aniplex english facebook - 2 posts
no other english social media accounts were tied to the website, so these are the only ones I looked at. this means in total, there were only 68 social media posts for the console release of mahoyo by the publisher for english audiences.
but what about the steam release? after the game sold over 150k+ units on consoles, surely aniplex was ready to market it a bit more for pc users—
neither account has made a post about the upcoming steam release.
if we look at the twitter, they have 3 tweets since July that do talk about the upcoming steam release- however, these are retweets from the japanese mahoyo account.
we know that this twitter and this facebook account are the official social media for mahoyo as they're linked on the website, so they're definitely meant to be followed for game updates in the west. well, maybe the english aniplex twitter has posted about it—
none of the english aniplex or mahoyo accounts have made a single post about the steam release
that's right, the social media posts I counted above are the only posts for mahoyo on their english accounts, all dating back before the steam release was announced. since then, they have not made a single original post even mentioning the steam release.
meanwhile, the japanese mahoyo twitter has been hustling hard to promote the upcoming steam release—reposting trailers, character bios, and more almost every day with pretty good numbers.
in fact, the japanese mahoyo twitter did such a good job at marketing it that the aniplex USA twitter never mentioned the english mahoyo twiter, instead only @ ing the japanese one in tweets (despite the english one being linked on the website).
why they even bothered making social media accounts and then not running them despite being one of the largest anime distributors in the world I have no clue.
well, maybe they didn't need to rely on social media presence. maybe they were going for the in-person approach and marketing it at conventions.
mahoyo had basically no anime convention presence
the only reference I can find to aniplex notably promoting mahoyo at any western convention is this tweet of them at anime NYC. from someone who was at anime NYC, I've been told that they pushed the game heavily at their booth with TV screens promoting the game.
however, anime NYC is only one anime convention. you cannot hope to sell a game by just attending one anime convention. mahoyo might have had a presence at other american conventions, but I'm unable to find any images or news about this.
maybe they don't understand type-moon
aniplex is the publisher for fate/grand order, one of the most successful mobile games ever created. they're also the distributor for a majority of type-moon related anime, ranging from fate to garden of sinners to side series. aniplex's marketing team should have lots of experience with type-moon properties.
maybe it was promoted in other aniplex titles
I was also unable to find a news post in fate/grand order related to mahoyo's release, despite news posts for other type-moon series (namely fate but also things like melty blood) getting news posts in fate/grand order. I might've missed the news posts when looking back through FGO but I don't believe there was one.
maybe it sold well in other regions but not western ones
(I'm going to be referring only to the console release for these stats, keep in mind)
mahoyo released December 7th/8th 2022 with an english, japanese, simplified chinese, and traditional chinese translations. at the end of the release week, mahoyo's japanese twitter announced the game had sold 110k copies worldwide and famitsu reported that 66,344 of these units were sold in japan. this means we have around 43k units unaccounted for.
we know the game was available in english, japanese, and chinese languages but we don't know what regions. mainland china has a very large visual novel playerbase (I say this as someone who sells visual novels), which means if it were sold there then it's easy to say that a big chunk of that 43k units could be attributed to them—this also means it would be easy to believe that aniplex saw mahoyo selling worse in western countries and took this as a sign to not promote the game any more there.
but was it ever sold in mainland china? from what I could tell—no.
looking at pricing charts for the nintendo eshop and the playstation store, china is not listed on either. furthermore, searching the game's chinese title on the chinese playstation store does not bring back any results. it looks like the only predominantly chinese-speaking regions that were able to buy it are hong kong, taiwan and possibly singapore (the playstation store page for it doesn't look like it's available for purchase anymore).
so what does this tell us?
without any other numbers it's hard to tell how many of the 43k launch week sales came from english-speaking players, but even if we conservatively say that only around 20k of the 110k launch week units were from western countries, that's still almost a million in revenue (and remember, the physical limited edition of the game was available in english for $60, which is $20 more than the digital base version).
maybe the store page is so good they don't need to market it
here's a little secret: store pages matter a lot more than you'd think. there are entire job positions dedicated to tailoring store pages (like a steam game page) to make it perfect for the game's target audience. there's a science to it that includes the artwork, descriptions, tags, screenshots, and more.
let's see what aniplex did for the steam page of mahoyo.
A tale told with vivid colors and rich sound in a classic TYPE-MOON visual novel.
I don't know how to describe this short description charitably other than to say it sounds like a person who's never heard of a visual novel has been tasked with describing a visual novel.
this tells me nothing about the game other than it's a visual novel. I hope you know what type-moon is, because if you don't then you've learned nothing else from this. alright, well, let's look at the screenshots—
there's only 1.
currently as of writing this, there's 10 images uploaded as screenshots (no trailers, they keep adding and removing the trailers for some reason). 9 of these images are just the full artworks from the game while 1 is an actual screenshot.
I really hate this, as you're not actually shown what the game looks like unless you look at the very last screenshot. this will absolutely lead to some people not understanding what they're getting into. what's worse is that some of these CGs are spoilers, especially one in particular featuring my wife touko.
why are we spoiling people instead of showing them screenshots? why not show people what mahoyo actually looks like??
there's also absolutely no use of the announcements section on steam. each game on steam can post announcements related to the game, including upcoming releases, new updates, and more. it's customary to post a steam announcement when a game has a release date announcement. mahoyo's steam page has none.
well they probably released the trailers in english for hype
I wish I had that much hope.
on mahoyo's english website, all of the videos listed are from the official type-moon youtube, which is their japanese channel. type-moon went through the effort to translate these videos. aniplex didn't upload these to their own youtube, where they already upload everything related to the fateverse and nasuverse.
searching up witch on the holy night brings up no results for the trailer—aniplex never uploaded the trailer to their channel.
maybe they got influencers to play it
according to steamdb, the max amount of viewers mahoyo streams have had on twitch was 71 viewers.
furthermore, if we check twitch and look for vods attached to mahoyo, we only find 4 videos total, all of which were posted in the past week. it looks like they didn't even reach out to streamers to play the console release, much less pay them.
over on the press side, it does look like they reached out to at least a few reviewers. for example, on the review by noisy pixel, they clarify that a review copy was provided by the publisher for review purposes. we can add that to the bare minimum of marketing—reaching out to press.
however, they did get for some other influencers to share the game! ...twitter game sale influencers, that is.
there's actually a lot more of these types of tweets for mahoyo than I was expecting when I searched it on twitter. as a friend pointed out, just because it says "#ad" doesn't necessarily mean these were paid for by aniplex—a lot of these links look to be referrals, which means they're getting a cut of any purchases.
let's recap
mahoyo released over 110k copies in the launch week for it's worldwide console release despite very, very limited marketing efforts from its publisher aniplex. now that the game has proven it can sell very well despite being a lesser known linear visual novel, aniplex has done no marketing for the steam release- no tweets, no influencer outreach, no localization of trailers, no announcements via steam, nothing.
so why?
why does aniplex want mahoyo to fail?
even after all of this, I still do not know why. to me, it's clear that the marketing team at aniplex were (most likely) given no budget for this game and just couldn't do anything with it, deciding to spend what little money they had on press outreach and an anime NYC booth.
but why? why didn't aniplex give them a budget, even a small one? why was their budget so tiny they couldn't even afford to tweet? to RT more posts from the japanese twitter? to share the already translated trailers to their own accounts?
I've heard a few excuses like "type-moon hates western fans and probably caused it" but this doesn't make any sense either. why would you authorize a translation of your game and allow your publisher to sell the game overseas but specifically make them not market the game (and what publisher would agree to that)? I've even heard excuses like "they just forgot it was coming out", to which I ask "how does an entire marketing team (a company the size of aniplex absolutely has a team(s) for marketing and not a singular person) forget a release for a game that's already sold over 150k copies?". the only excuse I've seen that I somewhat buy is that they did not have much faith in the game and relied almost entirely on fans doing word of mouth marketing for the game.
I don't think we'll ever get an answer. while I do believe the marketing team at aniplex was most likely given no budget for mahoyo, it still begs the question of why. why did someone at aniplex not want to give mahoyo a marketing budget? why are the japanese accounts for mahoyo and type-moon the only ones doing the marketing?
I hope the information I've provided here is accurate—if it's not, I'll try to update with corrections. I don't want this piece to cast hate towards the staff at aniplex or anyone involved with this projects, I'm just trying to assemble the pieces on what feels like a game being left to word of mouth. I've tried to include as many links to my sources as I could so you could come to your own judgements about what has happened regarding mahoyo's worldwide release.
mahoyo is a visual novel that's dear to me and will absolutely sell well on steam—with an estimated 50-80k wishlists, it's going to have a solid launch despite the zero marketing for its steam release. if you love other type-moon works or want to see an absolutely visually stunning visual novel, please check it out.
— arimia
#visual novel#visual novels#mahoyo#mahoutsukai no yoru#witch on the holy night#mahoyosweep#type-moon#visual novel game#anyway please play mahoyo#my articles
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I want to address what’s being said about me regarding my behavior as a teenager, because some of it is true. However, more of it is greatly distorted, and some of it is false. I won’t be reproducing the video that was made about me, the creator has acknowledged the misinformation present in it & has unlisted it, willingly ceding ground for me to give my own testimony. Some of it will require me to admit to things I am still ashamed of, some of it will require me to revisit a traumatic time in my life that I have mostly blocked out. The short version is that I believe I was being groomed at the same time and in the same place as many of the people who came out against me, and my ultimate goal is to find solidarity with those people and begin the healing process.
When I was 18, and just beginning to accrue an audience, I created a discord server. For a lot of external reasons, mainly spending my entire life up until this point being shuttled around different special ed schools, this ended up being the first real social circle I ever had. It represented the first positive attention I ever received from strangers. It’s a time where I made a lot of mistakes, it’s a time where I was gravely vulnerable. In all honesty, I was too young to manage a community of any kind, I was hot off the back of being desensitized in my adolescence by unrestricted access to early 2010s internet. I knew well enough to create special NSFW rooms, and was advised later to create further division by requiring users to self-apply for a special NSFW role to access those rooms This extra layer meant that the rooms wouldn’t even show up for people who didn’t have the role, which led to some believing they didn’t exist.
However, I did not intuitively understand the “meaning” of sexual content, I didn’t understand the baggage that came with it. I used cropped fetish porn as emotes and indiscriminately showed the source to anyone who asked, sometimes outside of the NSFW rooms, because I found niche fetishes to be amusing, and since it was “funny” and not “sexy” it didn’t have to mean anything. The worst consequence of this happened when I was first formulating the ideas for my video about youtuber Rags, and I discovered that his youtube avatar was cropped from a NSFW image he had commissioned of his feral dog fursona. I sent this image to just about anyone who seemed interested, and this included a then 13 year old. I’m going to apologize just like I did when this first came out, but I will not be pressured as I was then into assuming predatory intent in myself. I’m not making excuses when I say that I had been a legal adult for under a year and thought of it as just an interaction between two teenagers, a kind of interaction I had with many of my friends (and some adults) before I turned 18. It was a misunderstanding, *and* I hurt you, and I’m deeply deeply sorry.
There were some moderators besides myself, two were teenagers around my age, early adopters of the server who I felt I’d become friends with. One was a woman in her late twenties, who I won’t name simply because I’m not in the business of offloading my misery onto other people, but she knows who she is. She contacted me with a shower of attention & adoration, she left positive reviews for my albums when she noticed I was upset at their critical reception, she oversaw me as I posted my nudes in that server and later on my main twitter account. She encouraged this behavior in myself and others and participated in it too.
I want to make this clear, the bulk of the allegations against me boil down to punishing me for failing to surmise I was being exploited by the first social group I ever had. I jerked off in voice chats. I remember the day I started, I was surrounded by people older than me who were encouraging me to post my first nude pic in the self-nsfw channel, and I had to get hard for them first. I then considered this normal and did it often. At one point a 15 year old entered the room while I was doing it, and I went quiet until she left. I reconvened with this 15 year old recently, and she told me she only remembers being promptly told to leave. The claim that I “regularly jerked off in voice chat with minors” as if it were an orchestrated and habitual activity is an outright falsehood.
I remember posting my nudes on twitter in a fevered haze of dissociation and dysphoria after being goaded by other users in my discord server. I remember doing it again and again, so that it could maybe eventually feel normal. I was 18, going on 19. I had twenty to thirty thousand subscribers, I was hot off the heels of being given 150 bucks for making thirty minutes of music for a much bigger youtuber. There are others who were in that server who were similarly exploited, and I am not here to contradict those testimonies, but I was uniquely denied the ability to understand what had happened to me as grooming, because I was technically of age and I had the very beginnings of a youtube audience. However, 20k subs didn’t give me more power than someone over ten years my senior.
I was groomed, and just as I was beginning to understand what happened to me, the shame threatening to overtake me completely, I was slapped with the supposed news that I was the sole perpetrator of the entire situation that traumatized me so, that what I thought of as my first friend group all remembered me as a loathsome creep. The apology I wrote in abject panic was dissected and used as a cudgel against me in police-interrogation fashion, so I became afraid to say anything. A year and a half later, I made a post saying that I had been “groomed by a portion of my audience” and this immediately provoked a youtube video callout. I feel as if I have been beaten into silence and complicity, unable to form thoughts of my own regarding my experience. I am terrified, right now, writing this story that I firmly believe no one on earth will buy, because I have come to routinely doubt my own testimony.
Some accusations being made of me are so foreign that I have trouble piecing together what it could be referring to. I commissioned a NSFW size difference piece from dramamine, one where my lover is 11 feet tall, and I was pre transition at the time so I wanted a flat chest to help me feel feminine in my current body. It was wrongly tagged as “cub” (furry child porn) on E621, which I vocally protested at the time. This is the only thing I could point to as evidence for the claim that I commissioned cub porn of myself. I do not know how to convey the feeling of being flooded by accusations that require me to ponder what it could even be referring to, or to see my accuser insist that she’s receiving dozens of new horrible scoops on me without being able to see exactly what it is or what happened. I’m open to apologizing personally to anyone I ended up hurting in my adolescence who reaches out to me, I was a victim of grooming let off into a public space with a few thousand followers after all, but I’m not apologizing on behalf of people who might have heard something bad about me.
I am going to restate, my accuser has *of her own volition* unlisted the offending video & understands the misinformation she spread, there is nothing to gain from seeking her out and letting her know your opinion on the situation. I waited until this agreement was reached to make any statement at all for this exact reason.
I am staying offline for about a day after posting this, I am under a lot of pressure, I am very tired.
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