The Jonicles - Entry 4

Note: This is the fourth entry of The Jonicles, hence why the date does not match when this is being posted. This was written back in May of this year before I started this blog, and there will be errors or developments in how this series was being written. Please enjoy (or don't enjoy) the fourth entry of The Jonicles! (i promise this note will disappear soon)

It is (still*) currently the 27th of May, 2022. It is 3:20 pm on a Friday and I have returned from school, and it is still day #9 of my Jon Arbuckle fixation. The day of reckoning is close, my friends.

This entry is special, and compared to the last one, this entry is a lot more lighthearted. This entry is, first of all, the (*)second entry for today, as the previous was Entry 3.5. I usually wouldn't do this if it weren't for the fact that I had some very important news to share.

This is where my second point comes in. Yesterday, on May 26th, I bought the original Garfield Kart on Steam for exactly 82¢ $AU at around 7-ish (Steam didn't save the exact time). I saw in a comment on the track "Sneak-A-Peak" from Garfield Kart (the best song) that mentioned the soundtrack having a good rating on Steam, which prompted me to exclaim "wait wHAT ITS ON STEAM????". I frantically looked up the game's store page and lo and behold, there it was, shining with its bright orange tinge as Garfield's happy little face beamed at me contently. I was in utter disbelief, but upon noticing Jon Arbuckle's happy, excited smile as he drove in the game's cover art, I instantly knew I was sold. I had to get my hands on this. The game was on sale (80% off to be exact), and upon seeing the hilariously low price of 82¢, I immediately bought the game and installed it, excited for the experience of finally committing vehicular manslaughter as Jon "Quincy" Arbuckle.

Upon opening the launcher, I decided to just play the game as is without changing any keybinds or graphics properties, leaving them on "High". I started up the game and was immediately blessed with the image of Garfield cruising around on said kart, looking at me with those beady, sarcastic eyes of his as a city spun around behind him. Then, it transitioned to the title screen, aaand...

The background was black, for some odd reason. In fact, all the backgrounds were like this, including the game itself, and I was thus unable to see what I was doing, so I restarted the game and went to configure the keybinds and graphics options. Keeping the graphics on "High" turned out to be a mistake, so I set them on "Medium" and configured the arrow keybinds to the titular WASD keys I'm used to. Then, I relaunched the game, and was truly blessed with Garfield Kart's immaculate beauty.

The sight of a colourful, cartoony neighbourhood blessed my eyes, and the equally pleasing music also blessed my ears. The music was nice, as Garfield Kart is known for having a surprisingly great soundtrack, but it was odd as it was slightly compressed like it was playing from a New 3DS, and sounded strangely like it could have come from a mix of The Sims and Simpsons Hit And Run. Calming yet goofy. Just like Jon. I like it.

I chose the tutorial stage as I wanted to get a gauge at learning to drive in this game. I had to restart the game multiple as it strangely did not save my keybinds, noting that it should have a keybind profile to quickly switch to, but I evetually got it working right. Like a child on Christmas Morning, I hurriedly started the tutorial race, being guided by a random spider (who acted as this game's answer to Lakitu from Mario Kart) and felt the joy of finally being able to cruise around in Garfield's hometown. Granted, I couldn't choose to play as Jon, but I did spot him near one of the houses and happily approached him, only to be met with the slightly terrifying realisation that he had absolutely no animations or collision as Garfield phased right through him. Additionally, he also had a vacant, blank stare upon his handsome polgonal face. From this, we can assure that this Jon is not the real Jon, but simply a fake decoy to give Garfield the illusion that all his friends and family are cheering him on. Horrifying.

The game started to have it's admittedly funny problems when I approached some wrapped lollies and boost pads. The game began to lag, and as someone with an idiotic sense of humour, I joked and laughed about how the game couldn't handle all these high quality models on the screen at once. Additionally, I was terrible at driving, particularly at drifting, which also contributed to the funnies.

Finally, I got my masters degree in eating lasagna and driving like a drunkard on a late Friday night, and I was finally ready for the Reel Deel™. I went into a race, immediately chose Jon Arbuckle as my main, chose a stupid car and chose the highest speed I could (I like my racing games FAST AS FUCK), which was 150cc. It's not 200cc like I expected, but it would have to do and I accepted it. (Additional note: Jon's description calls him clumsy and not very clever, which first of all, is rude, and second of all, made me think about how cartoony and goofy Jon is in modern comics and media, and I really quite miss seeing his more balanced serious side.)

I let out a burst of laughter upon seeing Jon's content "no thoughts, head empty" smile he seems to always have on his face and seeing him revving up for the race. God, Jon is so fucking adorable, just look at him preparing for the big race... A-Anyway, my experience was quite similar to the tutorial level, just with the added joy of playing as Jon Arbuckle. Of course, not being a very good driver, I kept crashing into things, still not getting the hang of drifting and whatnot. But it was fun, I enjoyed seeing inertia take its toll on Jon and probably causing some form of minor concussion from how violently he was being thrown around in that kart. I like how sometimes when he equips an item he ends up consistantly saying the same line twice every time he says it, say for one exception when he was interrupted by my poor driving. Heck, I clipped right through a garbage can at one point. It was fun. The only bad thing was that when I inevitably came last, Jon expressed feelings of sadness, disappointment and failure, looking glum and shaking his head solenmly. I can personally relate to those deep and crushing feelings of not being good enough to amount to anything, even something as simple as a kart race. And I just want to say, Jon, please don't be so hard on yourself. You are still a valued and loved person, even if you came last, that does not determine your worth and just how much you mean to so many people. And you may fail and fail again, and some people may laugh, but if there's one thing to remember, it's that at least I will never look down on you for your failures and low moments. And you can trust me on that. You may have come last in the race, but that doesn't mean you come last in life. I love and care about you, Jon, and I once again welcome you with open arms into my splattered mess of a memory organ I call my own brain. Enjoy your stay, buddy.

Last edited at 9:23 pm. No it did not take me  6 hours to write this, I just took a very long break and kinda forgot I was writing this.

Not much to say here other than the PC port of Garfield Kart slaps, except for when it keeps resetting the controls, and that this purchase of Garfield Kart would eventually forshadow my unending hatred for Squeak. I may write an entry about that later.

Also I really like the bit where I mention the Jon decal with no collision. I literally when "Hi Jon!" when I saw him and immediately became terrified when I drove inside him. It's like those horror movie scenes where a character sees their friend from the distance and is so happy to see them and they turn them around only to realise that their friend has been horrifically murdered and they start screaming and crying

And yeah, "lollies" is what we call candy here in Australia. No NO not THAT type of lollies. I mean the type of lollies you find in the confectionary section of Coles. Those ones.

This is probably one of my favourite entries, apart from the "Turnip Jon" one. Oh my gosh, you're gonna love the Turnip Jon entry.

Cheers,

Your Local Jonnoisseur

Posted on the 19th of July, 2022 at 7:00 am