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strawwritesfic · 1 year

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TYL!Xanxus x Female!Varia!Reader: Cards

Summary: It’s always a good day when you get what you want and Squalo doesn’t.

Rating/Tags: M (Overt sexual references; foul language; set during canon; Xanxus & Squalo & Lussuria & Fran & Levi & Belphegor & Reader; past Belphegor & Mammon; referenced Belphegor & Rasiel; referenced Xanxus & Rasiel; poker; reference to strip poker; non-Guardian!Reader; heavy exposition; possessiveness)

Challenge: “160 Collective Drabbles” challenge by BobaPop on Lunaescence Archives.

Tag List: @imaginesfire

Cards

There was a little something known as “Varia Quality” within the mafia–and sometimes without it, too. The greatest of assassins could only dream of being invited to join the group, even if just for consideration, and even if only as an underling. Give the Varia a murderous objective, and they worked together like a well-oiled machine…for about as long as it took to start murdering. Once that singular objective was taken care of, they appeared to devolve into a team of squalling infants. Never had you seen this so obviously as the night after the Millifiore battle.

A clear and cloudless night sky hung over the ruins of the mansion. Most of the damage had taken place during the course of Xanxus’s fight with the Varia's resident prince’s insane brother earlier that evening, but plenty more had been added by personal scuffles in the time since. Much of these scuffles remained ongoing. The boss had demanded your presence, and no sooner had you set foot in the living room claimed by the captains than did you find yourself in the midst of an active war zone.

To say you were surprised would be a lie. You might have been a practiced lair, but to do so just then would have been more of a hindrance than a help. Fran was being his usual idiot self; Bel had retaliated by turning him and the mantle into pincushions; Squalo was screaming at them to stop; and Lussuria was fussing over Xanxus, who looked fit to murder every single one of the others. The only member intelligent enough to shut the hell up was Levi, who did so out of no actual intelligence, but rather because he was still too much in awe from Xanxus’s earlier battle to speak.

So like any sane person, you suggested they play a game to pass the time until the message came in from Japan. Since you happened to have a pack of cards on you (it got boring, hanging out with the rest of the plebs), you figured that was that. You and Xanxus could have some quality time in one of the un-destroyed bedrooms while the children entertained themselves.

No such luck. Apparently Squalo didn’t think you two ought to be busy when the orders from the Tenth finally arrived. Several wine bottles broken over Squalo’s head later, Xanxus joined the game himself. Meanwhile, you settled into the all-important task of lounging around in Xanxus’s lap, seeing as that was the closest you were going to get to his dick until Squalo got the one out of his own rear end.

Now, this might have appeared at first glance to be nothing more than you capitalizing on the opportunity to spy on the Varia’s captains while scoring some much needed physical contact time with Xanxus–and it definitely was. But your doing so also provided some incentive for him to not throw the entire table across the room when he started getting pissy, not that your presence always stopped him from doing so. Still, you could at least pretend you were being useful.

“Oh, isn’t this just wonderful?” Lussuria said. “I can’t remember the last time we all had a family game night together like this!”

“That’s probably because you’re all sore losers,” you said.

Squalo glared at you from across the sword-scratched table. “Oi, bitch. What are you still doing here?”

You smiled your brightest, most annoying smile. “Xanxus told me to come. Isn’t that right, Xanxus?”

Xanxus grunted, then threw down a card. This was answer enough for Squalo to return, scowling, to poker. This was also answer enough to get Levi to shoot you a look of purest venom over his hand.

Your grin grew larger still as you waved at him from your perch. You were long used to Levi’s sullen behavior toward you. After all, you had won Xanxus’ affections where he had not. Unfortunately, you bragging was short lived; you felt Xanxus shift impatiently underneath you, and you quickly returned to caressing his jaw. Maybe “affection” wasn't quite the right word.

“Bel, quit stalling. It’s your turn,” Lussuria said.

Xanxus growled.

If he really decided to throw the table, he wouldn’t hesitate to throw you along with it. What Xanxus felt for you wasn’t love, of that you were absolutely sure. You’d be kidding yourself if you said you loved him, too. He was temperamental, violent, and downright demanding. He was also pretty damn good in the sack, and handsome and powerful to boot. There was also the slimmest chance that he’d be Vongola XI someday, and then he’d need heirs–preferably legitimate ones. Sour looks from Levi and being dragged (sometimes literally) out of bed whenever Xanxus decided he needed a woman seemed a small price to pay for all that.

This card game affair was pretty tedious, though. You wondered if you could push Xanxus far enough that he’d ignore Squalo and take you somewhere more private. Surely Xanxus was rife with sexual frustration after dealing with Bel’s irritating brother all day. Typically Bel himself was enough to accomplish that much.

“Play, trash!” Xanxus barked.

Bel grinned and slapped his cards onto the table. “It’s no fun playing without Mammon. No stakes.”

“No being completely bankrupt after the first round either,” Levi said over his turn. “This is much safer.”

“Mah, I agree with Bel. If I’d know things would be this boring, I would’ve stayed home for this mission,” Fran said dully.

“You would not, because this is your goddamn job!” Squalo shouted.

“Wouldn’t’ve been able to sleep anyway. I could hear Captain Squalo’s yammering from that far away. I’d still have a headache.”

“Voi! What was that, brat? Want to say that again?”

“Boys, boys, stop fighting! What would your father think?” Lussuria crooned.

You could hardly suppress a smirk at Xanxus’s knuckles going pale around his cards. Just a little further…

“I have an idea,” you announced.

The room fell silent save for an owl hooting in one of the exposed branches far above your heads. Then:

“Your first idea sucks as it is,” Fran said. “I don’t think we need any more of [Name]’s suggestions.”

“For once, he’s right. Get the hell out of here, woman. Don’t you have work to do?” Squalo asked.

Xanxus’s grip on you turned to iron, a sure sign that if you so much as tried to listen to Squalo and leave, you would regret it. Luckily, you had no intention of leaving when things were finally getting a little interesting. Ignoring their rejection, you plowed right on:

“You said you wanted stakes, right? How about a game of strip poker?”

More silence.

“Strip…poker?” a red-faced Levi echoed at last.

“I don’t mind the idea,” said Lussuria.

“Voi! Why the hell are you still listening to her? Who wants to see you morons naked anyway?”

“If I lose enough, I could finally take off this stupid frog hat Bel makes me wear,” Fran mused.

“Not on your life, Froggy. Take it off, and I’ll kill you,” said Bel.

“Mah, so Bel will let me win just to keep an ugly hat on? Sounds like he’s pretty desperate to show off for Captain Lussuria.”

“You think so? Better play well. For you, a game of strip poker is life or death.” Bel’s usual Cheshire grin vanished only to return a mere split-second later wider than ever before. “Shishishi. The prince knows what [Name] is up to.”

You rolled your eyes. "Oh, you do, do you? Enlighten me.'

“Of course. Because he’s a genius, he knows [Name] only suggested strip poker because she’ll get to see all of us naked, but no way will the boss let us see her naked. Buuuut…” he slipped a knife out of seemingly nowhere, “I could still cut her clothes off and give the rest of us a show.”

Wrong answer-but it did the trick. The table exploded in a flurry of cards, chips, and sawdust. This time, though, you were not tossed in with the broken furniture. Instead, Xanxus threw you over his shoulder as he leveled one gun at Bel’s fat blond head.

“Handle the Vongola message yourself, scum,” Xanxus growled.

You flashed yet another smile, waving as Xanxus turned to carry you up the demolished stairs. The looks on Bel and Squalo’s faces boded ill for you–but they turned on each other before they could even think of trying to prevent you from leaving with the boss.

“You just got me more work, you goddamn idiot prince!”

They were brawling again, with Fran and Lussuria egging them on. But who cared? Certainly not you. The captains could argue among themselves as much as they wanted, so long as you got what you wanted. You always did, in the end...even on nights when there weren’t any outsiders left to murder.

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