No17. A Touch Worse Than a Poison Trainer

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50916805

Words: 1,097

Cws: Past abusive relationship, light swearing

Notes: I used the Pokemon name “Doublade” as a replacement for “Double edged sword,” I think it’s cool to build slang like that, but it might not have come through especially clear to real life. Oopsies.

Prompt: No. 17: “You’re the lump in my throat and the knot in my chest.” Collar | Touch Aversion | “Leave me alone.”

James shivered as he sat there, trying (and failing) to calm his racing heart. His mind seemed stuck on repeat. A horrible track of memories that just kept replaying and replaying and replaying again in his mind. Memories of her. 

Jessiebelle, the woman that his family had determined that he would eventually marry. She with her gorgeous red curls, he with his soft purple locks. She with her well crafted dresses and expensive jewelry, he with his well fitted suits and expressive watches. She with her “love” and he with his terror.

He squeezed his arms around himself. Logically, he knew that he was safe and far away from her, logically he knew that it had been that way for many years, logically he knew that there was very nearly zero chance she would ever be able to harm him again, what with the team he was in. (Though their latest meeting at James’ old house had made him second guess that last point for many years since then.) Logic, however, was not enough to calm him, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that it should be.

The fact that he was in Kalos, of all places, probably wasn’t helping his worries.

Jessiebelle had always told him how much she wanted to visit Kalos. In fact, she was so entranced by the idea that one of the many activities that James’ parents had forced them to do together had been learning Kalosian. He was begrudgingly thankful for that time now, as that skill had been saving his and the rest of his team’s asses in Kalos so far, but every so often he would hear a word, or a voice, or a high bell-like laugh, and be reminded of his old fiance. When that happened, he always found himself in the state he was now.

Nervous, scared, and unable to calm his rushing heart.

He knew it was crazy. Jessiebelle shouldn’t have felt such a threat to him these days, not with his “fairly high level” Pokemon trainer ranking (though his near daily battles with Ash sometimes made him think that ranking may not be entirely accurate), but she still was. The fact that James was here then, with only one Pokemon to his name and a partner who was more excited about the things she might be seeing in the region than their only mission, did not make him feel very safe.

Speaking of Jessie…

James looked over his shoulder, watching as Jessie happily fed Inkay some scraps from dinner (no matter how annoyed she pretended to be at the little squid, James knew she couldn’t help but care about it like any of their old Pokemon). She seemed to be busy enough not to notice how much James was freaking out, which was, of course, the Doublade that it always felt like. For one thing, she wouldn’t get worried about him, which he knew that she did on the regular (even though she pretended not to), but for the other…

James really could do with some distraction from his worries.

“Hey Jessie?” he squeaked, bringing his legs around to look at her easier, “Do you think we’ve made any progress on our mission yet?”

Jessie paused for a moment, causing Inkay to headbutt her in annoyance after a couple of moments without its food. She frowned and turned to look at him, her pink red hair shifting smoothly through the air. To the untrained eye, she looked a lot like Jessiebelle, heck, even their names were similar, but James knew better.

“Why are you asking this now?” she asked, putting down the last of the food scraps for Inkay to eat on its own, “Is something bothering you?”

James shrugged no, even though something was absolutely bothering him. “I guess I’m just a bit bored,” he forced a very fake sounding laugh, and Jessie frowned a bit harder, “I was wondering if we can talk or something…” He trailed off as Jessie stared at him, unconvinced. 

“I’m guessing that’s a lie,” Jessie said, scooting a bit closer to him. She looked him up and down and smirked in that very Jessie way of hers, “You’re clearly upset,”

James’ fake smile faltered a bit, and he found himself studying his boots like they were the most interesting thing he’d seen in months. He didn’t want to admit it to her, but he knew it was true. Even then, with his short bout of conversation as a distraction, he still felt like doing nothing more than standing up and running around screaming like a poor little Torchic with its head cut off. He couldn’t help it! He was terrified.

“Yep, that proves my point,” Jessie crawled a bit closer to him and reached out a hand to touch his shoulder, but James recoiled, surprising both Jessie and himself. He began to profusely apologize, but Jessie just shook her head and sat back on her heels.

“Don’t worry James, you don’t have to apologize,” she said softly, and then, a bit louder, “Is there anything specific that’s bothering you?”

James didn’t quite know what to say to that, but he just barely managed to shut off his hurried stream of “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-” at her soft reminder. He looked at her, and then looked away, and then let out a deep breath and nodded.

“Do you feel like talking about it?” Jessie asked, brushing a stray strand of pink behind her ear, but still holding his gaze, “Meowth won’t be back with the map for an hour at least, we’ve got time,”

She gave him a bright smile, and a wave of gratitude crashed over his heart, nearly enough to overpower the now weakening grip of terror around him. He was so lucky to have found her. Yes, he had lived a life of luxury before Team Rocket, but he had also been on a terrifying track to marry Jessiebelle, so, at least to someone who had lived it, the trade off was fair.

Even though he and Jessie often struggled to buy food or new clothes, had to sleep in uncomfortable tents in the woods most nights, and found themselves losing battles nearly every day, he felt at home with her. If he didn’t have so much trouble sorting through his emotions, he might have even said he loved her.

No, scratch that, he was sure he did.

“Yes,” he decided, scooting a bit closer to Jessie, a real smile growing on his face, “I do feel like talking about it,”

James from Team Rocket is a truly complex character and very difficult to understand. At first glance, he appears confident and arrogant, but that's a role he plays as the "Team Rocket villain" and on stage, as explained in episodes DP 139: "A Faux Oak Finish" and DP 146: "Dressed for Jess Success!"

In private, outside his Team Rocket role, he is calm, rather shy, he is very anxious and follows his teammates' ideas even when he doesn't fully agree with their plans.

In the episode "A Hole Lotta Trouble," Brock and Ash tell James that he must learn to assert himself without his teammates.

James had a childhood in the high aristocracy, where he could have anything material he wanted, but his parents gave him no affection, demeaned him, and forced him to follow strict and severe discipline like in the Victorian era. They also forced him into an arranged engagement with Jessiebelle, allowing her to train him with whips. He kept a deep trauma from this period of his life.

He joined Team Rocket to rebel against the rules and proper conduct imposed on him in his childhood.

In an interview, the Japanese voice actors of Team Rocket: Megumi Hayashibara, Inuko Inuyama, and Miki Shinichiro, revealed that Jessie's goal in Team Rocket is to become rich or an important woman (which is why she dislikes Matori), Meowth also wishes to be important by taking the place of the boss's favorite Pokémon, replacing Persian. However, James's objective is solely to support and help his two friends achieve their goals and dreams, making them happy.

When James gains a little confidence in himself or engages in an activity he's passionate about and sure he can succeed, he becomes overly enthusiastic. However, he quickly falls into depression if he fails. An episode that shows this aspect of his personality is 'The Fortune Hunters' when James imagines himself as a powerful Moltres due to the description in a Pokemon horoscope book, which turns out to be false.

He is also willing to wholeheartedly encourage people he admires, like Jessie during her Kalos contests or 'The Royal Mask' (under the pseudonym Fire-Kojiro, reminiscent of when he felt strong and proud like a Moltres).

Yet, when he has to put himself in the spotlight outside of Team Rocket missions, he feels terribly uncomfortable and automatically convinces himself that he will lose or isn't capable (The Battlefield of Truth and Love!, Dressed for Jess Success, Party Dancecapades)."

Unlike Jessie, who thinks she's the best at everything, James has very low self-esteem and undervalues himself: believing for example others can take better care of his own Pokemon like Gardenia with Cacnea or Mareanie with her ex-boyfriend. He also thinks Jessie will be happier with Dr. White than with him in Team Rocket.

As demonstrated in episode 19 of "Pokémon Journeys" - A Talent for Imitation! Jessie is an excellent self-confidence coach, pushing her teammates and Pokémon to go beyond their limits and overcome their fears and apprehensions.

Jessie and Meowth are both invaluable support for James. Through their friendship and the trust they give him, he finally feels loved and respected for who he truly is. They are more than just friends; they are his family!

James may appear naive and childish, often being very emotional and crybaby. Despite this, he excels in a lot of various fields, such as being an excellent technician, a talented actor, a poet, and well-informed about Pokemon… He's also skilled in computer science and hacking. On rare occasions when he's involved in a Pokemon battle or contest, he performs remarkably well.

When he forgot his fear under the effect of adrenaline to protect his Mareanie, he even demonstrated incredible strength!

Even though he is part of Team Rocket, James doesn't have a truly evil nature. In reality, he is a compassionate Pokemon trainer, loving his Pokemon so much that their affection hurts him physically, yet he always lets them show their love to him in this way. 💖

⏳

Send ⏳for James to openly talk about a bit of his backstory || Accepting

"I wish I had kept Growlie with me when I first left home. Instead, I opted for him to go back and watch over my parents. I guess despite my newfound freedom I still felt an obligation to at least keep them safe... Though, I was slow to learn and discovered that some things will never change with them. They still want me with Jessiebelle to this day." He sighed at the thought. "Had I have just kept Growlie with me this whole time, maybe things would have been different? Maybe I wouldn't have joined Team Rocket and would have became a trainer on my own. Possibly even pursued some of my dreams and interests..."

"But honestly, what matters now is that I have him with me again. It may not be the ideal future for us, but in any case, we're going to tackle it all together now."

Binge-Watching: Pokemon, Episodes 45-48

In which we find out about James’ past, some of the logic is lacking, and we go full Miyazaki.

The Runaway Prince

It’s always a good day in this house whenever we get some Team Rocket backstory, and episode 45 delivers in spades by fleshing out the childhood James lived before he and Jessie first met in that biker gang. And sweet buttery Christmas on a crumpet, he was rich! Like, stupid rich! Jonathan Joestar rich, even, pet Growlithe and all! But he ran away from home when his parents tried to force him into an arranged marriage with a girl who wanted to change him into someone completely different, and can I just say, how fucking cool is it that Pokemon pulls the “Unwanted Arranged Marriage” subplot with a guy for a change? That’s not something you see everyday; James’ story is the story of a boy struggling against social pressures, pushing against the box of Gentleman everyone’s trying to force on him, and staking out his own identity outside their rigid definitions. And all the while his parents sip tea oblivious to how godawful Jessiebelle is to him, seeing their fucked-up dynamic at the Pinnacle of Love and pretending that what’s best for them is what’s best for him as well, which, let’s be real, Heterosexual Romantic Expectations(tm) really do be like that sometimes.

And it’s honestly kind of haunting to see his reactions to returning to the source of his old life. Team Rocket’s been through the emotional gamut over the course of this show, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen either of them look so... unsure? Anxious? Concerned? In such little time, you really get a sense for how deeply James’ past has affected him, and how important his new life is for his sense of anarchic freedom. But you also get a sense that he is still very much his parents’ son, because my god, of course a couple that would fake their own funeral and pretend not to notice a pair of shadow puppets pretending to speak for their son would give birth to a child who would try and fake amnesia to get out of his responsibilities. This is Peak James, all the sad sack spirit and flamboyant determination that makes Team Rocket such a blast to watch, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Let him leave the upper crust behind; I can’t think of a better place for him to be than by Jessie’s side, prepared for trouble and making it double. Fuck everyone else, these two will always have my heart.

Sense and Sensibility

You know, I give Pokemon a lot of leeway when it comes to logic. It’s a kid’s show, and its purpose is to entertain, you can’t expect it to make perfect sense all of the time. I can accept overly convenient solutions and plot turns, stuff that pushes the boundaries of credibility, as long as the story it’s in service of remains entertaining. But sometimes, even my flexible suspension of disbelief is pushed too far, and whenever Pokemon loses its train of thought, it can be a real slog to get through. I think what does it in is when the emotions of the story itself aren’t logical, and it feels like the writing team is just squeezing some half-assed episodic plot out without much thought or care. Like, for example, this kid who uses his Farfetch’d to steal everyone else’s Pokemon is a right nasty thief, but everyone is far too quick to let him off the hook when it’s revealed he was just doing it out of... ignorance, I guess? Like, the point is that he’s not really a bad person, he just didn’t trust his own Pokemon’s abilities, but he was still, like robbing people, and it feels like the episode’s far too quick to pin all the responsibility on his lackluster skills as a trainer instead of addressing the fact that he was stealing just to get by. And I dunno, something about that doesn’t really click with me. Ditto with Meowth’s sudden paternal instincts for the newly hatched Togepi (also, welcome to the team you adorable little munchkin); this dude imprints on the new Pokemon far too quickly for my tastes. Also, you’re telling me that Team Rocket, of all people, would accept fighting in a fair tournament for the chance of snagging a Pokemon they really wanted, instead of just trying to, you know, steal it? Is Meowth supposed to be wholly devoted to keeping this Togepi or is he flexible about it? You can’t have it both ways, and it makes the episode feel really unbalanced. Oh well, at least we got Meowth double-casting himself as both trainer and Pokemon, so I guess I can’t complain too much.

Holy Miyazaki

In contrast to those two wet farts, you know what Pokemon still does really well? Reminding us that Pokemon in their daily lives are real fucking cool. The Bulbasaur secret garden is the most Miyazaki the franchise has gotten yet, and I am here for it. The way Bulbasaur’s pre-evolution gestation makes flowers bloom all around him, the wordless conversations between Pokemon where you can somehow understand everything they’re saying despite not speaking their language, the hidden enclave ruled by a towering Venusaur, the ritual backed by music that feels like something out of Princess Mononoke... I don’t think Pokemon has ever felt this massive before, like we’re peering over the lip of a chasm and seeing an endless, colorful abyss supporting the visible world from below. The whole thing feels almost mythical in scope, the Venusaur an ancient forest guardian leading a druidic ritual spoken in inhuman lanugage that somehow remains fully comprehensible. And that’s not including the badassery of Ash tanking a full-force attack from the Venusaur’s vine whips or Bulbasaur pulling the epic Solar Beam attack to deliver the finishing blow. Once again, Pokemon is at its best when it lets the Pokemon do the talking for themselves and leaves us humans to experience them unfiltered. As long as that keeps remaining true, we’re gonna keep having a good time.

Best of Team Rocket

-”We’re gonna find that no-good rotten crook and show him what good rotten crooks are like!”

-”He tricked us two times in one episode!”

-”We have a proud tradition of failure to uphold!”

-”Hey, you didn’t let us finish!”

-”I told you to lay off the e-g-g-s!”

-”Oh yeah, I forgot, I am a Pokemon!”

-About an angry tree: “I think its bite is as bad as its bark!”

-”And we provide our own hot air!” Man, they are on fire this episode.

-”We need the motto!” “Our fans have come to expect it!”

Odds and Ends

-You ever just... get swallowed by a limousine?

-”I can’t believe James is gone!” askjdhaskd you fucking idiots

-”They wouldn’t have fooled me.” John Cena voice: Are you sure about that?

-”A man who can’t settle down is like a bumblebee without a nose; he’ll never learn to sniff the daffodils of life!” ...you know what, sure.

-Okay, the James faces are on fucking point this episode.

-Oh my god, Pokemon is canonically edible. I’m noping out!

-I’m really digging Farfetch’d’s army swagger. Dude knows how to put on a show.

-”I’m telling the truth this time!” “This time?” Congrats, you played yourself.

-That moment when you’re such bad thieves you get out-thieved by a kid.

-Huh, since when did Jessie have a Lickitung?

-Alright, credit where it’s due, Psyduck nailed that one. Well done.

-Professor Oak continues to scheme in the shadows. Some day, his plans will all come together. Some day...

-Since when did Jessie get long sleeves? Maybe that’s just how she looks without her gloves, but it’s throwing me for a loop.

-”I can’t believe my eyes.” he sounds so done askjdhadsk

-God Dammit Psyduck Count: 7

-Okay, Pikachu dashing Meowth’s dreams in a instant made me cackle. Furry Zeus is officially over your bullshit, pal.

-Damn, Pikachu does a mean Bulbasaur impression.

And on we merrily go! Hopefully we’ll reach the Cinnabar island gym before much longer, because I’m antsy for Ash to get his next badge. See you next time!