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nat-20s · 3 years

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MEDIA THAT I RECOMMEND YOU CONSUME INSTEAD OF SUPERNATURAL FOR BOTH HEART AND HEALTH BROKEN DOWN BY TYPE OF MEDIA AND WHY YOU MIGHT LIKE IT IF AT ANY POINT YOU, LIKE MY POOR POOR SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD SELF, WERE INVESTED IN THIS ABSOLUTE GARBAGE FIRE OF A SHOW

with apologies to anyone on mobile who’s readmore function APPARENTLY doesn’t work

(I haven’t watched supernatural for at least five years and, given any sort of luck, I will never do so again, do not @ me)

hello babes. I am talking to you know bc I keep seeing supernatural, unironically, on my dash, and I think we can all do better. I see what’s happening and I think: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hU3i_o5Xd4g

Supernatural is fudge stripes. You are Megan. We can fix this.

So a list of alternate things that I think are overall better written/characterized/just generally more enjoyable that might scratch some of those itches:

TV SHOWS

Good Omens

okay look if u were on tumblr last year u probably already watched this show but like. If u haven’t, it’s only six episodes babe and there’s a large enough fandom that u can go down a fanart hole for days on end

Basic summary: the antichrist has reached that lovely young age where he’s supposed to bring about the apocalypse. An angel and a demon who have decided that actually they like the world as is, thank you very much, try to stop the end times. They’re not very good at it though, which makes for a comedy of errors.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: theologic (mostly christian) exploration/parody/imagery without inherently being a religious show. Fighting off the apocalypse narrative, which I think pretty much always goes hard as hell, but that’s just me. There’s a gay angel who’s socially awkward. There’s a fun very British demon. Touches on the hierarchies of heaven and hell, with framing Heaven as a bureaucracy and blurs the differences between angels and demons. Pining. Tenderness. A deep nostalgia for 80s music, though in this case it’s specifically queen, and who doesn’t love queen. Main character has a weirdly strong bond with his black vintage car. Satan is (sort of) fought.

Gravity Falls

sometimes...things that are kids shows...with a set story and a predetermined ending...are better

(also this isn’t relevant to any of what I’m talking about but I really appreciate that Gravity Falls specifically went against the thing that most begged me about ATLA aka that a 15 year old girl would be like yeah I’m into a 12 year old boy because the 12 year old boy has a crush on me and I apparently don’t get to really have a say in this. How does that make sense.)

Basic Summary: Twelve year old twins Dipper and Mabel go to stay with their Grunkle Stan for the summer in a small Oregon town called Gravity Falls. Turns out this town is filled with all sorts of strange phenomena that they often have to confront, work around, learn about, or befriend!

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: The core focus of the show is a close sibling duo, but like It’s obvious that the siblings actually like and love each other and while they have their spats it’s still incredibly clear that they deeply care about each other even with their differences LIKE SORRY SUPERNATURAL YOU CAN’T JUST TELL ME THAT SIBLINGS CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER AND THEN THEY SPEND ALL THEIR TIME FIGHTING AND LYING TO EACH OTHER AND GENERALLY ACTING LIKE THEY CAN’T STAND EACH OTHER’S COMPANY BUT THEN OOOHHH YOU CRY ON TOP OF THE HOOD OF A CAR EVERY THREE EPISODE AND SUDDENLY THEY’RE SOULMATES OR WHATEVER

Anyway. Yeah. GF has a solid sibling dynamic. Monster of the week that builds up to greater over-arching plot. A little bit of body horror, you know, for humor. Fair amount of meta humor playing with the tropes of the genre. A Good Ol Big Bad that tries to pit the siblings against each other. Have to fight the apocalypse (you’ll see this point on like a good half of these recs, I really like ‘what are we gonna do about Armageddon’ media). Interesting creature design. Planned, satisfying ending (which supernatural absolutely does not have, but I still think if it had ended with the season 5 finale like it uhh pretty obviously was supposed to, that would sort of counted. Don’t revive shows that have clearly already told their stories kids.) Tie in media that gives you some fun extra stories when you miss the characters. (yes I read some of the supernatural novels when I was a c h i l d, yes I’m pretty sure there’s one or two of them still buried somewhere on my laptop, no I don’t wanna talk about it.) Older father figure (?) who owns a tbh kind of shitty shop. Both already in place and found family.

It’s a good show, and it’s two seasons. John Mulaney Voice: I dunno it’s 40 episodes

MINI REC ALERT! (mini recs are basically things that I’m not gonna go into detail about for whatever reason [probably either due to i’m not familiar enough with it OR I just don’t like. Have a bunch to say about it in regards to how it will scratch the itches presented to u by spn] but still seem like a Good Watch)

Mini Rec: Over The Garden Wall. Spooky Kids Media! Episodic! Miniseries so you can watch it in like 2 hours! Cool ass Animation! About two brothers encountering said spooky stuff! Big Bad tries to pit brothers against each other! Might haunt you for the rest of your life! Check it out!

The Haunting of Bly Manor

I think about this show every goddamn day of my life. (Also not relevant but Greg Sestero makes a brief cameo in it and I was like hi greg my friend greg!)

Basic Summary: An girl named Dani, while staying in London, decides to take on an Au Pair job for two young children, an older brother named Miles (age 10) and the younger sister Flora (age 8) at the spoooooky and mysteeerious Bly Manor, and she gets far more than she bargained for.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Okay so supernatural doesn’t actually do this but I know I KNOW why we let ourselves be queerbaited in 2012. Four words for you: CENTRAL! GAY! TRAGIC! ROMANCE! You want some pining? Some tenderness? Some LOVE? Some dealing with internalized homophobia but no, like, actual violent onscreen homophobia? HAVE I GOT THE SHOW FOR YOU. If ur favorite episodes where the ones that make you sob (for me it was kevin’s death on god), I recommend this show. If you wished that supernatural literally ever had consequences or perma deaths or didn’t retcon major plot events like every five goddamn episodes so that there could be some exploration of like grief and trauma through the lens of/ higher stakes of horror, I recommend this show. If you really do stay up at night picturing a supernatural that wasn’t made by dumbass cishettie white men hack writers but was actually allowed to have Dean and Cas be in love over the course of the show so they could have like actual development and not the most homophobic gay reveal of all time, I recommend this show. Hell, if you just want a banger ghost story in general, I recommend this show.

As for what they actually have in common: horror setting/aesthetic without actually being all that scary most of the time. A strong sibling duo, though they’re not nearly as much of the focus of Bly Manor. Found family. Strong themes of grief. Questions of what turns someone into a monster (and done much better) An actual, much better noble sacrifice done out of love. Escalation of stakes until there’s a big final confrontation. Semi-big bad trying to tear this family apart. Found and pre-installed family. Sad orphans.

Watch this show. Vibe with me. Cry with me. Yell at me about Owen Sharma

MINI REC ALERT!

Haunting of Hill House- spiritual predecessor to Haunting of Bly Manor, though they’re not actually the same universe/story. However, it’s made by the same dude and has a shared aesthetic/sensibilities/some of the cast. This is only a mini rec bc I haven’t actually seen it, but I’ve heard good things and that it, while much more heavily leaning into family dynamics, has similar themes of exploring Grief and Trauma through ghooossstttsss.

Community

Okay I know that this may seem like a Wild rec considering community is a school sitcom with basically Zero paranormal elements but just like. Hear me out. And no this isn’t just because I think it’s a realy good show and I want more people to watch it, though that is a factor. If I was just recommending comedies that I think are good and more people should watch regardless of them serving as a replacement for supernatural I would demand you all go watch Galavant and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. I’m gonna demand it anyway. Everyone go watch Galavant and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Now back to your original program:

Basic Summary: A group of students at Greendale Community College form a Spanish study group, and things quickly go Off The Fucking Rails in the best way possible.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: All right I’m gonna be real honest this rec is for all of my (correct) bitches who’s favorite episodes of Supernatural were French Mistake, Changing Channels, and/or Mystery Spot. You think if Supernatural would’ve been fucking fantastic if it had been a committed comedy instead of a CW melodrama that occasionally landed some admittedly really fucking funny episodes/concepts, Community (and the movies on this list) will gently take you into its loving arms and give you everything you desire. It’s about the Meta comedy. It’s about the discussion, exploration, and subversion of common tropes within the format. It’s about the grand use of group/ found family dynamics in order to max both the goofs and the heart. It’s about fantastic callbacks. It’s about having one of the few “asshole with a heart of gold” leads I can actually stand because. You know. Growth. It’s about the INCREDIBLE genre and pop culture parody. Which genre do they parody, you ask. All of them. They parody all the genres. The glee parody episode is a fucking masterpiece of television. If you don’t want to watch a show that features a Halloween party where everyone turns into zombies and the ABBA discography blasts in the background, you can stop reading right now, because I can guarantee you won’t be interested in a damn thing I have to say.

MINI REC ALERT: The X-Files. I’ve also never seen this but a: everything I’ve seen out of context has been fantastically weird and delightful b: it appears that there’s a general consensus that Scully and Mulder are one of the only valid straight couples so it’s probably pretty fun and c: let’s all be honest. Supernatural was already basically an x-files rip off, it had like half of their original writers swiped from the x-files crew, I’m pretty sure if you liked especially the first couple of seasons of supernatural, you’re gonna like the X-files.

Subcategory: TV SHOWS ( A WHOLE TWO OF ‘EM, OR MORE LIKE ONE AND HALF IF YOU WANNA GET TECHNICAL) I’M SPECIFICALLY RECOMMENDING FOR THAT COCAINE HIT OF PURE UNADULTERATED UNCUT 2012 TUMBLR NOSTALGIA

BBC Merlin

Yes, I know the show ended in 2010. Yes, it still provides that 2012 Tumblr nostalgia. 2012 Tumblr is a feeling, not an actual time period.

I love this stupid show. I plan on rewatching it all over the month of January. I harbor a deep amount of fondness for it. It’s why every time I see literally any depiction of Merlin I get just so fucking excited, and why I’ve consumed as many ridiculous Arthurian adaptations as I have (side note: my two favorite other ridiculous Arthurian legend adaptation are Avalon High, a DEEPLY silly DCOM that is required viewing to level up friendship with me, and The Kid Who Would Be King, which is the only movie that I think truly understands the comedic potential of playing a King Arthur Adaptation mostly straight but everyone in it is 12. I’m not sure it intended to be as fucking funny as it was, but again, they’re all middle schoolers. I have never been more jealous of an actor than I was of the 22 year old that got to play a 16 year old dumbass Merlin who was sometimes also Patrick Stewart and did all of his magic with ridiculous hand gestures That should’ve been me that should’ve been me that should’ve been me. Also Sword in the Stone by TH White is pretty good, because Merlin knows germ theory in the fantasy 400’s and he just uses it to be petty mostly. Also listen to High Noon Over Camelot by The Mechanisms. Also Also I tend to prefer family friendly adaptations because they don’t have the uhhh. You know. Incest and sexual violence of the original legend. Love to Not have that shit!) Whether you watched it initially and are due for a rewatch, or you’re intrigued enough by the concept of the show to watch it for the first time, you should join me on this wild wild ride.

Basic Summary: You know who Guinevere, Arthur, and Merlin are, come on. BBC said let’s make em all YOUNG let’s make em SEXY let’s make em FAMILY FRIENDLY and let’s make magic REALLY SEEM LIKE A THINLY VEILED ALLEGORY FOR BEING GAY BUT TO THIS DAY IM NOT SURE IF THAT WAS INTENTIONAL OR NOT BUT IT SURE SEEMS LIKE IT WAS. @ THE BBC MERLIN CREATORS WHAT IS THE TRUTH BECAUSE THERE WAS SOME INTERVI-

Basic Summary but like a bit more helpful: A BABY version of Merlin (and by baby I mean like 20 year old.) is sent from his small town to the big city the Kingdom of Camelot to find his destiny. Staying with the town physician and friend of his mom’s, Gaius, he ends up as both his assistant and personal manservant to Prince Arthur. But in a kingdom where magic is punished with death and the prince seems hell bent on getting himself into situations that are going to kill him, the young sorcerer has his more than his share of work cut out for him.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Primo supremo queerbaiting. Like, yeah, okay, it’s queerbaiting, you know it’s queerbaiting, but you watch some of the scenes and ur like okay. I know why I let this bait me. Obviously with a modern show, I would expect more, I would expect better, I would raise my standards, but I gotta admit. Some of these scenes are fuckin compelling as hell, and the subtext is like barely sub. Monster of the week shenanigans. Some awful CGI creatures but like a charming awful. Like the kind of awful that tells you their very limited budget was more focused on cool swords than realistic creatures. Episodic stories build into a more overarching plot, with things getting darker in season 4/5. Shitty father that end up eating shit and while the son of said father is rightfully conflicted and upset over the death it’s cathartic and victorious as all hell for the audience. Multiple hot evil women, and I love hot evil women. There’s also nice hot women, which is a bonus. These women don’t all immediately stupidly die, so that’s a nice change. Also like a LOT of sarcastic humor and shenanigans if u like Sass Merlin is there for u personally name a more iconic line than “Oh I’m sorry, how long have you been training to be a prat, my lord?” AND THAT’S IN THE FIRST FUCKIN EPISODE brilliant amazing fantastic show stopping. Also you know those like dumb hijink episodes where like Dean was possessed by the spirit of a dog or some shit? You bet your bottom fuckin dollar BBC Merlin has those kinds of storylines. Also I know some people go to spn bc it had that HUGE fanbase and like BBC Merlin’s fanbase is still SURPRISINGLY poppin even though it’s been a decade since there was new content so like. Have fun!

Doctor Who but Specifically the RTD Era

Look I’m not here to say that the first four seasons of reboot doctor who are the only good doctor who or inherently better than all the rest (though the RTD era is my favorite personally) BUT when ur seekin that sweet sweet superwholock frenzy nostalgia, this is the ‘who’ that is being referred to. Also like. Stan 9. We should all collectively stan the ninth doctor. Chris Eccleston, the Objectively Best Famous Chris, deserved better.

Basic Summary: An immortal alien that goes by “The Doctor” travels across time and space with a variety of different companions, often to try and save the day or fix a (sometimes self created) mess. It’s distilled campy sci-fi with a family friendly tone that has made me cry on several occasions.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Monster of the week that, you guessed it, builds into bigger overarching plot style narrative. Fighting off the apocalypse, but like every couple of weeks because worlds are in danger a LOT. A semi-tragic romance that made people go absolutely buck fuckin wild bc pining n shit. Wamen, but they aren’t fridged. (actually for real though none of the main women die and I just think that’s really fun and flirty even though I could go on a COMPLETELY SEPARATE rant about the injustice of one of the character’s ending YES season 4 is my favorite season and one of my favorite pieces of media ever and I am currently actively recommending it to you YES im still fucking pissed over how it ended YES we exist) Specifically, a Wonderful and Very Excellent woman named Donna who goes on a spa trip that doesn’t end up going very well. That seems like a highly specific example, and it is, but it did happen in both shows. (Also, to anyone that continued watching SPN after like idk season 9 what happened to Donna? I always liked her and I know she became a recurring character so like DM whatever probably injustice was the end of her story line pls and thank you) I’m also extra specifically recommending for Supernatural Fans and also The World At Large: Season Four of Reboot Who. I rewatched it last year and it still goes so fucking hard. Donna Noble is the best character in existence. In regards to the appeal for SPN, personally I think the best part of SPN was when people who are soulmates went on adventures and tried to save the day and it was a good mix of banter and sincerity AND GUESS WHAT’S BASICALLY THE ENTIRETY OF SEASON 4 OF DOCTOR WHO. It’s so good y’all I wish Everything was about soulmates going on adventures and trying to save the day.

OKAY TV SHOWS DONE TIME FOR M O V I E S which I don’t have nearly as many recs for but uhh here goes

What We Do In The Shadows/ Shaun of the Dead

I’m lumping these two together bc my reasons for recommending them are largely the same, and I would call them tonally similar enough that if you like one you’ll probably like the other

Basic Summary (Shaun of The Dead): Uh-oh! London’s had a break out of some of that good ol’ zombieism. Shaun and friends decide to hunker down in a local bar, but they have to get there first. Will they survive? Will they fuck up some zom zoms? Who’s to say?

Basic Summary (What We Do In The Shadows): Some vampire roommates dick around. I think there’s technically, like, a plot, but it’s really just about some vampires Doin Their Thing. Vibin.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: This is kind of similar to the Community recommendation, in that supernatural had the opportunity to be one of those things that was both a parody of a genre but also just a really good example of the genre. WWDITS and SotD are both those things for vampire and zombly movies, respectively. Have the aesthetic and some of the themes of a horror but is not actually all that scary. Horror Comedy is a god tier genre and I don’t know why it’s not more widespread. Fun monsters/cast of characters in general, so at least one person in it is probably going to make you go “oh gender” ya know? With SotD you have the fantasy power trip that comes with like any piece of media that involves hunting monsters. With WWDITS I go “yep that’s how bisexuals dress” and I Will Not Clarify which character I’m talking about.

MINI REC ALERT: All of Taika Watiti’s filmography. Thor:Ragnarok is one of like 3 marvel movies that I consider genuinely fucking fantastic completely independent of the MCU and my own tendency to be like “hurr bdurr I love. Superheros”. For the one that is most tonally like Supernatural But Significantly Better and Written By Someone Competent I think I would say try out Hunt For The Wilderpeople. It’s got a reluctant curmudgeonly father figure and I KNOW some of you motherfuckers were so invested in spn when you were like 16 bc you had daddy issues. This is a callout post for my friend [REDACTED], who I should text to watch Hunt for the Wilderpeople, actually.

MINI REC ALERT X2!!!: Bram Stoker’s Dracula. I’ve never seen it but it has both Winona Ryder AND Keanu Reaves so like. Goth bi rights.

Happy Death Day (and Happy Death Day 2 U)

happy death day was one of those movies that I saw the trailer, went “eh”, heard other people say it was great, watched, and went holy fuck this slaps. Not nearly as much of a slasher film as the trailers implied if im remembering the trailer correctly

Basic Summary: Our main character Tree keeps waking up on the day she was murdered. The day resets every time that she dies. That’s right, it’s a time loop storey babey!!!!!!!!!!!

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: If you were anything like me you were foolishly lulled into supernatural for way longer than you should’ve been on the promise that the characters would idk like grow and change and become better and learn lessons and some of that would be through the power of receiving love and kindness. You know. Like how good writers would do it especially if their main characters are kind of dicks that really should make some changes. Well, Happy Death Day fucking delivers on that promise in SPADES. It’s about growth! It’s about change! It’s about making the active decision to become a better person and putting effort into doing so! There’s heavy themes of like grief and trauma and acknowledging them and facing them head on in order to move on and the negative consequences of refusing to do so and just trying avoid it until it goes away. There’s a romance that makes my dumb little self do the pleading face emoji. Tree is also one of the only good asshole with a heart of gold characters. I also think media is improved by having at least one character that is a Good Good Boy (note: Good Good Boy character does not have to be a man.) and Happy Death Day has Carter. Oh on that note: Tree Voice: I’ve only had character for (the same repeating over and over) a day but if anything happens to him I’ll kill everyone here and then myself. Also the movie is funny so like hell yeah.

that’s all I got for relevant movies right now

BOOK RECS

jk i’m illiterate. Everyone should feel free to go ahead and add their own suggestions for this section The best I can do is uhhhh I think y’all would probably like Mira Grant’s novels, particularly the Newsflesh stories, bc sibling dynamics. Also the book The Haunting of Hill House is really good. Ballad of Black Tom slaps? There’s of course the Good Omens novel that the show was based on. I’m about to recommend some podcasts after this section which will include to Welcome to Nightvale because of course it will and the tie in novels for that slap, especially It Devours!, and I’m pretty sure they work as stories even if you know nothing about the podcast. Also also I think you should read “The Long Way to A Small, Angry Planet” by Becky Chambers It’s not thematically similar to supernatural at all but it’s one of my all time favorite sci fi novels and only like four people have read it which is a goddamn TRAVESTY.

Anyway yeah that’s it that’s all there is. Onto the medium that is like books but I can fold laundry or cook while consuming their narratives.

PODCAST RECS

Okay so this is getting uhhh wicked long so I’m gonna limit myself to only three full blown recs and a

mini rec

Alice Isn’t Dead

Fuck me running this show is so good. Literally hands down my all time favorite (and scariest!) horror podcast. Mamma mia, that’s a good fuckin story. The Book version is also good and has fewer Weird events but some further character development so I recommend them both.

Basic Summary: After her wife Alice disappears mysteriously, Keisha takes up a job as a long haul trucker, traveling all across America in order to find her, but ends up finding so much. Pursued by a deadly creature she calls The Thistle Man, the stakes of her journey are raised.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: okay so I have a lost of bullet points of things that appealed to me specifically about supernatural and how no other shows covers all of them which sucks bc it means I basically Yearn for a show that’s supernatural but good. Alice isn’t Dead, however, hits the most of these bullet points AND is so fucking good. It has monster hunting. It has stopping a cataclysmic event BUT also discussion of the cyclical nature of events such as these and how the fight never truly ends but you can make some fucking progress nonetheless. It has a central gay romance that’s actually a central gay romance. It’s the ONLY show on this list that really hits that the weird and dark underside of americana vibe but specifically the americana of not like suburbs and shit but that eerie haunted feeling you get when you’re hours into a late night drive on open roads with no civilization around and an expansive sky and it just Seems like something should be watching you. Have you ever been out for a walk at midnight and encountered a deer and you looked into each other’s eyes and it felt like it was telling you a message that you couldn’t possibly hope to parse? Have you ever felt an incredible sense of deja vu eating in a restaurant you couldn’t have possibly been in before, because you’ve been to a thousand diners a thousand times just like one, and there’s an incredibly sense of homogeneity even though you’re 2000 miles away from anyone and anything that could possibly know you? Have you ever traveled to an area that seems to be stuck in a bubble of time, the only thing that shows any evidence of having aged past 2006 being yourself, and you wonder how your cell phone even works around here? THAT’S the spooky americana I’m fuckin talking about! Messed up road trips! Too much goddamn space! America is scary because it’s big and Filled With Things but also Not Enough Things! Fuck yeah!!!!! That time bubble fuckin EXISTS in Wyoming the most recent song on the radio I heard was fuckin Hey Soul Sister!

Also has a thing where like are there even good guys and bad guys in a conflict or is it all just one umbrella nightmare that you’re trying to stand against in anyway possible (u kno..like how the overarching structures of both heaven and hell were kinda fucked in spn? No spoilers but similar shit be happenin in Alice Isn’t Dead). Exploration of what makes someone into a monster, like how do you go down that path? Also this is the only show on this whole damn list that southern gothic music really suits it so points for that.

The Magnus Archives

You know I had to do it to ‘em.

Basic Summary: Jonathan Sims has just become the Head Archivist at the Magnus Institute, a “research” “facility” that looks into paranormal/esoteric/unexplained phenomena.

John Mulaney Voice, Again: Nobody knows what the archivist is going to do next, least of all the archivist. He’s never been in an archives before, he’s just as confused as you are.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Oh fuck this document is over 5k long I said I wasn’t gonna do this hhhhh so lipton lightning round: Slowburn Gay Romance but Actually Canon, Monster Hunting but Hey What Even Is A Monster Anyway, Acts Somewhat like a Loosely Connected Horror Anthology until it DOESNT, Little Things Build to Bigger Narrative, Characters Be Goin Through It (On God These People Need Therapy), Trying to Prevent/Fix The Apocalypse (X2!!!), Smug Asshole Big Bad, Horror as a Metaphor For Various Shit, Basically if you thought that the Men of Letter concept slapped and you think it should’ve been the whole damn show including being Deeply British you would probably really fuckin like TMA. Also if ur like the ideal piece of media is a horror tragedy but also like it’s a wacky sitcom but also also fuck cops. U will like tma.

Welcome to Nightvale

IF ANY 2012 TUMBLR FANDOM DESERVES TO MAKE A MASSIVE COMEBACK AND BE EVERYWHERE AGAIN AND ABSOLUTELY FLOOD MY DASH IT’S WELCOME TO NIGHTVALE WHY DID WE ABANDON THE SHOW THAT TREATED US THE MOST KINDLY DID YOU KNOW THAT EPISODES 108-110 ARE THE BEST FUCKING BUILT UP NARRATIVE REVEAL THAT I HAVE WITNESSED IN MY LIFE DID YOU KNOW THAT IT CONTINUED TO BE REALLY FUCKING GOOD AFTER MOST PEOPLE STOPPED LISTENING DID YOU KNOW CECIL AND CARLOS ARE MARRIED AND THEY HAVE A DOG AND A TODDLER NOW BECAUSE OF ALL THE GAY PODCAST PROTAGONISTS CECIL GERSHWIN PALMER LOVE OF MY LIFE ELDRITCHIAN CHEERLEADER AND CERTIFIED BIMBO KEEPS FUCKIN WINNIN BABY. DID YOU KNOW THAT CECIL THINKS PEANUT BUTTER IS A ROCK.

Basic Summary: Welcome to the sleepy desert town of Ņ̶̏ight V̶͚̰̮͗̔̊̊ale! Community radio how host Cé̵̟͚͕̗̞̙͂͑̽̄́c̵̤̼̞͈̪͓̍̽̋̚̕͜il Pǎ̵̧̨̢͚̻̈̂̄̇͐̇̊̀̆ͅl̶͚͎͕͉͖̬͓͑́̐̒̍̿̈́͢͜͝ͅm̸̧͙̟̖̠̳̬͋́͋́͌̚̚ͅȩ̙̖͎̖͂́̒͐͜͞r̢̢̛̰̻̮̺̩͙̼̈́͋̀͘ is here to k̠̠̰̦͙̯̥̎̄̆͌̎̀̿̔̌̚ê̷̢̬̥̞̩̯̘͒̽̈̓͐̂̔̍e̶̡̝̗̺̫̪̜͆̓̿̈͌͌̆͒͞ͅp̵̹̗̬̼̠̬͙̏͐͐̉̅͊͊́͟͞ͅͅ ỷ̛͙̞̦̦͖̑̉̌̎͞͡͡͝ͅo̧̧̥͎̻̥̲͇͋́́̔̈͌͞ǔ̸̬̯̫͇̦̮͕̤̲̯̽̔̀̔͆͋̈́͘̚ up to date all the local happenings, including w̸̢̢̢̧̡̡͍͖̻̳̹̼̼̰̬̭̱͔̲͙͍̰̠̥̺̝͖̺̖̼̮̼̞̳̞̜͉̤̯͇̖̳͖̠̙̺̲̤͇͈͚͓̮̭̱̭̩͚̟̥̬̟̻̝̼̖͚̘͐̆̅̂̃̈́͆͊̉̏͒́̈́̋͗͑̄̉́̐̌́̿̌͛̾̎̊̾̃̈́̉̔̍̐͛̕͘̚͜͜͠͠é̵̢̡̧̨̨̡̧̨̡̛̹̥̥̞̮̯͙͈̻̝͓͖͙̦̰͍̖̜̲̰̞͎͈̭̯̳͕̗͓͈̭̫̼̯̪̞̯̰̲̘̭͎̪̱̗̝̝̞̤̱͉͙̯͎̬͎̙̜̗͉̩̦͕̪̳͇͙̺̙̰̠͚͎̜̠͔̬͎̺̣͕̜̊̓̃̐̂́͂̎̐̾̔̽̀̉́̍̊̂̿̎͂͐̎̐̄̍̔̋̐̃͗̈́͂̀̒̊̎͘͘̕̚̕͜͝͝͝͠ͅͅa̸̡̧̡̡̨̡̨̛̛͙̣̘̳͎͖̥̝̟̱̩̥͙͉̝̲̙̮̩̩̹̱͔͎̥̹̻̜͚̭̬̳͚̤̙̖̯͎̱̫̞̪̻͖̱̞͔̭̻̺͚͚̯̬͓͓̳͇̳̦͓̞͈̮̤̭̣͉̲̞͚̘͗̆̃͌̅̍͊̓̈̇̌̒͊͑̊̏̊͌̈̓̿͗̒̏̒͊͒̏̃̎̒̀̅̾̍̀͘͘͜͝͠ͅt̵̢̡̨̧̧̛̛̛̯̤͓̘̻̤͓̪̰͔̪̝̫͎̻͔͈͎͔͙͕͈̰͓͍̀̏͒̆͋̈́̈́͂̔͋͆͂̅͗̍̆̍̆̔̑͊̏̈͒́̽͊́̿͂́̓͛̽͐͌̌̐̈̇̃̓̆̍̅̃̔̚̕͜͝͝͝ͅͅh̸̨̨̡̢̢̡̢̧̡̧̢̡̨̡̭̜̬̬̙͕̗̙̻̯̠̘͙̻̥͉͚̼̗͚͇͉̰͍̥͉̗͎̬̫͖͉͔̼̮̯̞̫̬̟̻͉̖̙̥̫͖̬͚̟̜̭͇͎̭̘̝̲̤͕͎̰̭̗̯̮̤̙̙̯͍̞̭͚͔͎̞̹̲̟͉̩̭̖̱̠͍̺͈̟̩̋̆̈́͆̍̆̄̏͜ͅͅȇ̸̢̢̨̨̧̛̜͍̺͎̬̪͙̻̝̣͓͈̺̩̳̟̲̠̣͈͎͎͈͉̙̪͖̳̺͇̹̊̍͊͑̿͊̌͛̿̓͊̾̀͂͛̉͆̾̽͆̈̏͛̊͛̍̈́̇͋̔͂̑͐̂̿͊̽͑͘̚͘͝͝͠͝ͅͅŕ̵̨̡̨̨̢̧̡̧̨̘̟͙̦̲̲̪̦̙̼̠̳͚̞̦̞͖͚͇̳͖̲̭͕̜̫̳̖̙͖͉͎̘̘̤̠͈̬͕̝̻͚̥͍͕̠̥͙̙̪̖̯͍̘̘̲̣̹̜̪̲̭̟̮̫̖̤̰͔̩̩͉̲͚̟̝̦̬̪̘̬̮̱͔̻̦̼̃̐̂͋̐̅̋͒̉͛́̅̈́̒̒͆̑̆͊̒͒̀̍̈́̍͌̍̏̔͋͌̒̍̌͛̓̈̂̐̕͘͘͜͜͝͝͝ͅͅͅ ̶̢̡̨̛̠͇̹̯͕͍̻̟̼̼̗̩̱̗̙̱̥̜̬̫̜͎͉̺̣͓̟̯̱͖̣̞̠̝̥͍̲̳̙̠͔̹̘̲̲̻̖̈́̊͋͜͜ą̵̡̧̟͕̬̳̜͈͈̳̝̜̣̬͔͈͈͎͉͍̯̟̞̺͎̝͇̰̥͖̬̯͙̤̬̼̲̦̯̭͓̠̺̳̱̰̮̎͋͆̈́͌͆̎̉̓̇̐͋͋́̃̉̈̄̏̓̉̿̅̒̉̒̉͂͛̄̀̇̒͊͛́͊̎́͆̌̆́̌͂̈́̽̋͛͗̑̊̀́̍͊̌͆͊͐͆̅̒̊̉̾̄͛̑̕͘͘͘͘͝͝͝͝͠͠͝n̸̡̛̛̛̛̛̙͎̬̦̠̼͓͈̝̾̍͑͛̅̒̾́̌̍͛̇̋̇̓̏͛̔͛̈́͆̿̌͐̿͊̿́͒̍̃̀̈͐̐̆͐̉̒̂̉̀̅̇̾͋̍͒̋̈̌̿͒͐̍́͗̀̌̌̚̕̕̕͘̚͘͘̚͜͠͝͝͝d̴̡̢̢̛̛̛̺̠̳̬͎̞̲̣̲̱̳̪̹͉̝̠̱̗̙̫̠̹̼̙̝͉̲̟̮̙̙̮̻̹͈̦̙̞͚̜̙̖̞͓̙̭͉̃̽̌̅̔̾̈́̒̽͑́̒͋̓̈́͆͋̽̒̃̽̋̐͌͂̍͑́̽̋̍͗̋͗͂̅̽̈̈̾͐̄̃̕̕͜͠͠͝͠͝ͅͅ ̵̡̡̢̛̛̗͚͍̺͇̲̳̯͓̰͍̙̮̙̜̟̞̣̼͕̝͔͙̺̫͈͈̠̻̘̱͍̦̭͔͈̤̺̗̮͕̦̞̘͍̯̻̝͓̤̳̫͔̩͉̬̈́͋̈́̐͒́̔́́̿̓̆͐̎͆̇͒̄̈̿̓̑̾̏̔̿͊̌͆͒̒͊̓̅̓́̔̅̀̀̀̃̿̂̑͂͆̅̎̾̏̓̂̈́͛͌̇̾͌͐̈̂̆͐̅̓̍̓̃̆͗̃͛̏̒̌̀̅͊́̽̐̆̿́̌͘͘̚̕͘̕̕͜͜͜͠͝͠͝͠t̷̢̥͓̄͗̾̄̅̚͜r̵̨̡̨̧̧̢̛̛̛̛̛͍͙͚̥̱̞̜̦̜̼̺͉̠̬͎̰̻̜̼̫̤͓͖͖̤͇̞̥̖̈́͊̆̓͊̑̑̋̒̈́̔̆͆́̐͛͑͊͋̇̈́̓̑̍̏͐͛̽̋̎͑̃̈́͒̇̂̇̌͂̀̍̊̇̓̋̈́̌̏̕͘̚̕̚͝͝͠ǎ̴̡͓͓̯̘̥̱̱͖̦̺͓̘͉͖̞̟̦͈̜̥̰̘̞͈̦̠̼̯̙̭̼͚̟̖̲̠̝̜̐̅͆̏̈́̍́͂̃̾͑̓͋̽̄̾́̾̆̾͒͋̎͂̈́͘̕̕̚͜ͅͅf̷̢̡̡̧̢̨̡̧̢̢̧̡̧̫͖̖͇̲̫̮͕͉͓̩̪̳̹̩͎̖̟̤̤̲̟̪̫̻̻̖̟̦͉̼͎͖̭͍͖͎̖̳̳͙̜͉̝̘̺̖͚̙͉͕͙̯͖̞͚̮̲̻͉͙̺̭͓͎̤͙̦̦̺̯͕̜̰͍̳̙̦͉̪̥́͋̓̅̀͋͐̀̄̊̆̉̒̐͒̀̏̈̇̊̉̆̐̏̾̀̀̓͛͆̍̾͗͌̀̄̔͒̀̍̈́͆̔̒̑̏̍̏͆́̾̐̂͋̂̔̂́̓̓̌͌̉͛́̒̐̽̏́̑͊́̌̆̂̑͋̇̈́͌̑̿̅͗̚̕͘̕̚͜͠͝͝͠͠f̴̨̨̛̹͌̂̓͌͛̀͑̾̓̍͗̽͆̉̊͗̇́̍͌̊͐̔̈́̊̇͆̄̃̑̕̕͘͘͘͠͝͝͝͠i̴̧̡̢̢̧̢̨̨̧̧̧̛̛͎̗̳̦̘̙͓̦̙͔̜̼̘͇͇̺̭͉̠̩̟̤̥̘͙̤̩͔̪̱̻͈̪̼̼̞̠͎̟̹͕̻̭̤̪̲͕̟̺̻̻͖͕͚̣͇̖̰̝̩͈̤͕͇͕̝͙̙̪͔̗̫͇͎̙̲̲͖̗̘͉̲̣̤͎̔̐̆͒̄̈́̀̎̃̃̅͆̌̈́̽̈́̅̈́̑̄̇͒͐̀̐̀̒̍̀̓͌͗̓̽́͗̓̎͂͛̅̑̔̀͛̈́̽̾̃̊͊͆̄̍͑̍̆̌̾͗̄̊̽̉̅̆̀̎̀͑̿̎̋̄̆̃͐̾̏͛͒̍̋̅͘̕̚̕̕͜͜͝͝͝͝͠ͅͅc̷̛̛͚̝̻̣̞̓́̃́̀̃̓͗͌̂͛́̒̊͑̓͆̇̈́͑̏̆̀͌̑͂͂̄͌̉̔̋́̎͒̿͗͒͛̇͛̿̎̍̕̕̕͝͝͝͝͝ ̴̢̧̢̡̨̢̡̨̡̢̢̛̺̘̹̯̤̩̘̯͔̞̟̬̠̣̟̻̥̜̤͔̥͕̠̥̞͎̗̩̱̮͉͔͎̲̯̱̙̜̥̳̮͔̦̣͖͔̜͉̗̪̳̹̦̤͇̣̙͕̯̫̖̝̼̹͍̠͎͓̗͎̦͓̲̯̱̠̰͇̮̹͔̝͉͙̹̜̹͈̹̥͖̣̳̲͖̓́͌̈́̈́̀͌̄͂̌̾́̍̔̊̓̿͋͂͋̈́̋́́̒̓̀̒̃͂̀͑̐͛̆̆͒̈́̅̿͊͌̍͗̌̌͆̂͌́̉̏̒̓͊̾̒̓̋̽͐̏̾͘̕͜͝͠͝ͅͅr̸̨̢̛̪̞̬͓͔̥̤̣͔̭̥̙͉̦̗̠̳̩͙̂̈́͑͑̿̋̓̀͋͆̋̕͝͝ë̴̢̡̨̬͈͉̖̞͔͎͓͖̼̘̬͕̰͈̥͈̝̩͎͉͉̫̜͚͕̤͔̟̯͓͎̟͙̜̭̩̗̮͎̗̤͇̝̩͎̜̺̯͕͇̝͎̯͙̖͙̮̗̮̘́̑͑͛̂̅̄̌̽̓̒̾̿͆̏̏͐͛̾̂̃͑͆̅̄̿͋̅͂̈́̽͋͒̎͐̒̓͆̌̉͑͊́̀̈̾͛̋͑̋̎̈̀̽̀͊̏͘͝͝͝͝͠͝ͅp̴̧̧̡̢̢̢̛̛̛͚̟͓̖̭̪̻̪̲̬̥̙̥̰̼̹͎͕̪̞̮̺̰̬̘̫̤͉̦͙̮̖̙̹̻͔̖̮̲̞̣̻̜̠͇̬͚̱̦̼̲̮̀̂͌̍̈̒̍̋̌̏͐̓͛̉̂̈̀͑̈́͊͗͋͗́̂̎̎̃͆͒̅̑̇́̈͐̾̀̔̒̉͑͒̅̓̈́̋͋̀̍̄̿̌̀̉͆̇̔̈́͗̋̄̓̇͗̎̉̆͊̒͗̚̕͘͘̕̕̚͜͜͝͝͠͠͠͠͠ͅͅͅơ̶̢̡̧̨̡̛̛͔̦̼̰̠̯̰̟̲̣̜͙̲͙̪̱̱͕̺̪͈͉̺̻̙̥̲̩̲̩͔̠͚̩͓̞̠̯̟̫̣̗̦̰͉͚͙̺͎̼͖̥̙͈̯̲̝̞͎̻͕̮͔̰̖͔̭͙̩̼͔̫̹̘͓͔̜̘͍̍̅̄͋͑̋̍̊̉̄̈̽̈͐̀͌͐̆͊͂̐̋̃̎͆͛̐̀̂̿̈́͂́̈̌͐̇̀̒͋͑͐́͌̐̇̊͆̀͂͋̏́͋͆̏͗͂͑̂̓̽͘͘̚̕̕̕̕̚͘͜͜͠͝͝ͅͅͅr̴̨̨̨̧̨̛̘͕͈͔͙̠̬̯̩̗̰̗̬̦͈̗̝̣͓͓̟͕͙͈̠̘̻͓̭̝̘̦̦͓̭̘͙̻̙̼̩̰̝͈̱̝̱̬͉͙̣̖̮̲͈̙̱̩̣͕̦̰̮͔͈͓̙̮͍̳̟̠̞͎̱̣̰͕̩̝̲̝͐́́̍̈͐͋̐̑̌͋̓̈́̈͗̿̈̈́͗̑̚͜͜͜͜͜͝ͅͅţ̴̢̨̧͇͉͎̣̬̣̝̗̬̹͇̮̞̈́̐̌̇̈́̌͊̐̅̂̌̂͒͌́̈͌̂̊͗̍̿͑͋̎̓͂̀̎̎͒̾̏̒͌̃̄͋̌̾̍̈́̐̏͑̊̍͑͆̉̓́̆̌̾̓͊̊̈̑͘̚̕͘͘̕͝͝͝͝͝s̴̢̢̡̛̬̹͚̻͉̦̦̣̦̠̜͕̤̳͓͙̟̬͕̘̦̿͗̉̏̒͆̓̄͊͌͛͂͑̒̃͛͘͜͝͝!

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Honestly, probably bc Nightvale and Alice are by the Same Dudes, a lot of these points are the same as Alice Isn’t Dead, but it’s less scawy and more funney. Also hits the “horror, but make it kind of a sitcom” vibes. Doesn’t have the same road trip vibes, but DOES capture the exact weirdness of South Western USA, so I’m still giving it “fucked up americana” credit. If you’ve never been to New Mexico ur like this is an exaggeration clearly no desert town is subject to like ACTUAL cosmic horror and unexplainable sights but I’m telling you New Mexico is just Like That. (I highly recommend visiting the land of enchantment if you ever get the oppurtunity it is a deeply odd and wonderfully unsettling experience.) Look man it’s gay it’s a horror comedy cecil has a wonderfully soothing voice and it hates capitalism so fucking much like oh my god so much what more could you want.

MINI REC ALERT: Wolf 359! I have nothing deep to say about this I just like it and my gut tells me that y’all would enjoy it too I know there isnt much for physical descriptions in the show but I know in my heart that the main character is so so pretty and so so stupid. I KNOW yall like some himbos that experience character growth.

Okay since It’s my party and I’ll speak if I want to rapid fire list of podcasts I just like and want more people to listen to even though I’m behind on like all of them shhhhh: The Penumbra Podcast, BomBARDed, Dungeons and Daddies, Stellar Firma, Wonderful!

SONG RECS

okay these aren’t like replacement recs or anything they’re just really good and I almost certainly would have put them on some sort of supernatural playlist in 2013 but I don’t, like, have a good playlist for them now so I’m subjecting y’all to them also they all have the youtube link for ease of access

Woah There Kimmy- Felix Hagan & the Family

Devil’s Backbone- The Civil Wars

Blood On My Name- The Brothers Bright

Awake O Sleeper- The Brothers Bright

The Bottom of the River- Delta Rae

Old Number 7- The Devil Makes Three

The Bullet- The Devil Makes Three

In Hell I’ll Be In Good Company- The Dead South

Bartholomew- The Silent Comedy

Pomegranate Seeds- Julian Moon

Curses- The Crane Wives

Tongues & Teeth -The Crane Wives

OKAY THAT’S IT! THAT’S ALL FOLKS! FUCK!

#long post #if you didn't want this blame of-mice-and-mentality for enabling me posting #supernatural

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overobsessedfanboy23 · 4 years

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Punch Out Wii Boxers Ranked

Thought I’d give my opinion on this since I’ve already expressed biases towards/against certain characters. I will be including Donkey Kong and Doc Louis but not Little Mac (because he is the objective best). The list will go from 15: the worst, to 1: the best. Before I start, I’d like to say that all of these characters are good, well-crafted characters, it really just comes down to personal bias who you prefer. And with that, let’s get started:

15. King Hippo

King Hippo is barely a character. Everything he “says” (there are apparently translations) just boils down to being hungry and he has no personality outside of that. I don’t hate him, but I don’t really care about him. His fight is also pretty boring all things considered. The contender fight is pitifully easy once you know what you’re doing and his title defense fight can go on for a long time and get very monotonous. At least his music’s kinda cool.

14. Super Macho Man

As someone who lives in America, I hate Macho Man with a burning passion. It’s not because I’m “patriotic,” it’s actually kind of the opposite. I’m not offended by his stereotype because it’s mean, I’m annoyed by his stereotype because it’s accurate. I deal with people like this on the daily: in the news. His catchphrases are obnoxious (except sometimes when they’re cut off. That’s kinda funny, admittedly) and he’s egotistical even compared to some of the others. He’s the type of person I actually want to punch in the face so I thank Punch Out for giving me that opportunity but I still hate the character. His match is fine. It’s a bit too easy in both contender and title defense compared to Soda and Bull but hey, at least they tried. His music’s alright.

13. Donkey Kong

Don’t get me wrong, I love Donkey Kong’s inclusion in this game. I think it’s amazing that Nintendo made a match for one of their most famous characters and the fight against him is very unique and challenging to win by KO. That being said, I never really played Donkey Kong so I don’t really have the connection to this character that others do. So yeah, great cameo, not one of my favourite fighters.

12. Bald Bull

Sorry, Bald Bull fans, but I’m not the biggest fan of this raging lunatic. In fact, he kinda creeps me out. People make jokes about Great Tiger being a furry (which he is), but Bald Bull straight up acts like a bull to the point of literally assaulting the poor referee. It’s kind of gross. To that same point, he is also completely shameless about his horrid anger issues which is personally not fun to watch. I get that he was driven mad by the paparazzi (or whatever that cutscene was trying to convey) but it’s still pretty over the top. I’m also not a big fan of his fights. It’s not too terribly difficult in contender mode (except the stupid bull charge) but it’s downright ridiculous in title defense. I firmly believe that his title defense match is the hardest in the entire game, yes even more difficult than TD Soda and TD Sandman. I cannot express with words how much I despise the star punch gimmick. Getting the star punches is frame perfect, making it feel like luck, and getting hit once makes you lose them all. And you need those stars to even knock him down. Seems a bit extreme for the middle fight in the world circuit, doesn’t it?! I was at this fight for hours and was over the moon when I finally managed to beat him. Also, his music kinda sucks. However, I put him over Macho Man because despite everything I just said, I don’t actually hate Bald Bull. I hate his fights but I don’t hate him personally like I do with obnoxious american.

11. Soda Popinski

Oh boy, Drunk Man. I don’t really see many reasons to like him but not any to hate him either, apart from his stupidly difficult fight, that is. I actually find it pretty easy in Contender. There’s a lot of strategies to knock him down really fast and his pattern is pretty basic. As for title defense, did they really need to make it that ridiculously hard? Yeah, there are tricks to make it easier and he has a set pattern but getting into the rhythm of that pattern is incredibly difficult and one slight mistake sets you back to two stun punches. It’s beyond frustrating. And yet the game deems him and Bald Bull to be easier than Macho Man. Why? As a character, Soda is just kinda there for me. It’s fun to make jokes about his steroid soda at least. Also, his music is for some reason one of my favourites tracks in the game. It’s just so epic.

10. Bear Hugger

Alright, now we’re onto the characters I actually like. Bear Hugger is a fun character. He’s one of the more exaggerated stereotypes though I can’t really say for sure whether this one is accurate or not but I’m guessing the maple syrup and hockey stuff at the very least is. I also love the squirrel. It’s implemented into the fight kind of oddly, but it makes his title defense fight pretty enjoyable. It’s a difficult fight but not one I’ve lost recently. The contender fight is fun too, it’s definitely one where I get to spam a ton of star punches. His music is good too. Not much to say on Bear Hugger, he’s fun but I like the other characters more.

9. Disco Kid

Kinda sad that the Wii version only introduced one new character to the roster but at least it was a fun character. Disco Kid’s matches are not a challenge. Contender mode, title defense, he’s one of the easiest fights in the game. He makes up for that by being incredibly over the top flamboyant and cocky, this time in a fun way. I like that he dances throughout his whole fight, I think it’s cool when every little aspect of someone’s match ties into who the character is. Disco Kid is a flamboyant dancer and that is perfectly shown through his mannerisms in the fights. I especially love how in Title Defense, he’s not really bitter or determined to beat Mac he’s just like, “Oh a dance club? This is cool, might as well work this stuff into my boxing routine.” It’s pretty excellent. I’m not a huge fan of disco, but his theme music is pretty good.

8. Aran Ryan

If there’s one thing I’ve seen since joining this site, it’s a lot of Aran Ryan. People on here really love this guy and even many of the YouTubers I’ve seen play this game say he is one of if not their favourite character in the game. Personally, I think he’s a little overrated. However, I do still like him and see why other people like him. He’s sort of a “love to hate” kind of character with him being a complete psycho that’s probably a sadist and a masochist considering how he seems to enjoy being punched and beating the hell out of everyone. It’s fun in a twisted way. His fights are also both pretty fun. Everyone really likes the cheating aspect and yeah, it’s pretty ridiculous that he can literally bring in a weapon and get away with it. However, it also makes his fight stand out from the others. He’s so horrible that he’s just fun to beat up. It’s also the only world circuit fight in title defense that I don’t hate with every fibre of my being. So yeah, fun character, with excellent music might I add.

7. Glass Joe

Here’s another favourite here on Tumblr. To be honest, the fact that people on here liked Aran Ryan didn’t surprise me at all. In fact, it seemed perfectly in character. However, it did surprise me to see how many people liked Glass Joe. I thought he was kind of underrated before but now I see that he’s getting the love he deserves. I love how even though Glass Joe is in every way a french stereotype, he also directly defies the stereotype of the french being quick to surrender. He lost one hundred times and still didn’t give up, becoming determined to defeat Little Mac after earning the headgear. It’s unironically really admirable. Glass Joe’s fights are never a challenge. Contender, title defense, champion’s mode, motion controls, he’s always kind of a joke. However, he is meant to be a tutorial fight for new players and this game gets much more challenging as it goes on, so it’s understandable. They did do a good job at making him more challenging in title defense, but it was still pretty easy at least in my opinion.

6. Von Kaiser

Von Kaiser’s a little underrated in this fandom. Maybe I’m speaking from bias, since I have so many headcanons about him but I really do think he’s a good character. He is just as much of a coward as Glass Joe and isn’t a much better fighter (his contender and title defense fights are both incredibly simple) yet Von Kaiser has a significantly better record than the rest of the minor circuit and even Bear Hugger, with 23 wins and 13 losses. He must’ve gotten those wins from somewhere and I doubt they were all from Glass Joe. That combined with the fact that Kaiser is the oldest boxer in the game (42) makes me think he was once a great boxer but has now passed his prime and refuses to give up, sort of like Glass Joe, but a little more tragic. Regardless, it’s fun to speculate. And I feel kinda bad for Von Kaiser, I mean the dude gets beat up by kids and basically goes mad after being beaten by a seventeen year old boxing newbie. Also, his music is pretty intense despite the fact that he’s treated like a joke by the game. Like Glass Joe, they did do a good job of making Kaiser more difficult in title defense by giving him a one hit KO and plenty of fake outs, though I don’t particularly struggle with either of those.

5. Sandman

Sandman is scary as hell. None of the other boxers really intimidate me, even the one with ridiculously difficult fights, but Sandman is a different story. Everyone else in the game has some kind of silly quirk even when they are serious but this guy is deadly serious about boxing. I mean, they introduce him by showing him beat the shit out of everyone you just faced before, some of which the player may have struggled with. It’s a great introduction for a final boss. His fight in contender is certainly the hardest in that mode and while I didn’t struggle with his title defense fight as much as TD Soda and TD Bull, it was still incredibly hard to beat. And unlike TD Soda and TD Bull, he actually has final boss vibes, so he does deserve his rank (unlike some other characters). Similar to Aran Ryan, his fight also requires the player to be more on offense, at least in my experience.

#4 Doc Louis

Doc Louis is severely underrated in this fandom and just in general. I love how encouraging he is to Little Mac even when he loses repeatedly, I love his silly tips that more often than not are cheesy dad jokes or puns. He’s just a good wholesome dad that loves his chocolate. I love him. Sadly, I have not played Doc Louis’s Punch Out so I don’t really have a perspective on how the fight is apart from videos online but it does look pretty fun, and it’s freaking Doc Louis. How can you not love him?

#3 Piston Hondo

This guy is also kind of underrated, maybe because he’s a bit vanilla? I don’t know, but apart from Sandman, he is undoubtedly the most serious about boxing. It’s actually a bit scary. I mean, this dude can catch a sword in his bare hands and outrun the bullet train, he could easily become champion after Little Mac retires. In fact, for me at least, his title defense fight is the most challenging fight in the major circuit for me. Yes, harder than Bear Hugger and Great Tiger. Those fake outs and speedy Hondo Rushes kept getting me. So yeah, very dedicated to boxing. He’s also just very respectable in general, keeping a calm demeanor throughout the fight and even bowing to show respect. He also doesn’t laugh at you when you get knocked down like literally everyone else does. (Apart from Don, but he still taunts you by asking if you want more.) Yeah, he gloats, but he’s a good sport. It’s nice to see someone who plays fair amongst a crowd of cheaters.

#2 Don Flamenco

Yet another character I’m surprised doesn’t get more attention in this fandom. I dunno, maybe my opinions are just weird. That being said, Don Flamenco was always going to be one of my favourites as he is the only foreign speaker in this entire game I can understand without subtitles. Though even if you don’t know spanish, Don’s character is still very clear and very amazing. Like, I’m sorry, but his contender intro is the best sequence in the entire game. You know immediately what he’s all about and it’s just so beautifully over the top to see this try hard dance his way into the ring with a rose. Actually, “beautifully over the top” is a great description for Don Flamenco in general. He hits every note of the “Spanish man” stereotype in the first few seconds you see him: being a bullfighter, getting all the girls, dancing the flamenco, and just being handsome in general. I don’t know if that last one is an actual stereotype but it’s undeniably true. And none of that is a bad thing. He is a positive figure, if a little cocky, and all of these things that the game could make fun of him for (the NES version certainly does), are actually shown in a positive light. I’m not too fond of bullfighting being shown in that light but it is very popular in Spain so… eh. Also, I do like that Don Flamenco fights like a bullfighter in the ring, baiting you into “charging” or attacking before countering. It’s a nice detail. However, it does make the fight a little too easy. In contender mode, even without doing the infinite, I barely have any trouble with him. He’s easy to get stars off of, his attacks are not that hard to dodge or counter, and if you do the infinite combo, you can destroy him in seconds. In title defense, he is more difficult for sure, but he’s the easiest fight title defense fight in the major circuit. That being said, holy cow is he amazing in title defense as well. He was already over the top in contender but in title defense, after one loss might I add, he acts like it’s the end of the world and becomes completely emo. This could’ve been completely obnoxious or stupid but in my opinion, it makes him very entertaining. He’s just so fun to watch in general, I love his epic music, and I love this angsty telenovela character. Amo al personaje Don Flamenco. El es tan entretenido y guapo. Necesita más amor. Because I mentioned that I know spanish earlier and the first first thing people always ask me is to speak some so there you go. Onto number one.

1. Great Tiger

If you’ve seen my other stuff here on Tumblr, you probably knew this was coming. My very first post on Tumblr, as well as the second, was about Great Tiger and I have tons of pictures of him in my likes. I guess I just have a thing for charming arrogant divas. Seriously, while he’s not as over the top as someone like Disco Kid or Don Flamenco, Great Tiger is a total diva and kind of a show off. He’s always using his clones to glorify himself or taunt you, which would normally be annoying but for some reason, it’s not in his case. And it’s not because I don’t know what he’s saying, the inflection in his voice makes it clear enough that he’s trash talking (and I’ve looked up translations). It’s because Great Tiger has a sort of cold determination, like he is ready to destroy you first, glorify himself after, probably the reason he doesn’t have a taunt, unlike nearly everyone else in the game. He is completely focused on the match and very cool-headed as well. He’s very respectable, even when he’s literally telling you to go drink your mother’s milk. On a side note, I looked up those translations as a kid and I still can’t get over the fact that that is something he actually says. Like, what on earth Nintendo? Still, it’s kinda funny to me. Anyways, I love Great Tiger’s fights. His contender form is fun and I love that intermission scene where he switches places with Doc, showing what a likeable douche he is but his title defense form is my favourite in the game. I really love the magical element, what can I say? The flashing jewel is like a game of Simon put to boxing, I love that he teleports all over the place, the Magic Rush is gorgeous bullshit, and the fight keeps me on my toes but not to the point of being impossibly hard. It’s also fun to experiment with certain elements of the fight, because it can be incredibly varied depending on what you do. just really fun. Whether I do the special knockout or play through the whole fight, I have a fun time fighting Great Tiger. It also helps that his music is spectacular, my favourite in the game. I dunno, those bongos just feel so good on the ears. Great Tiger is also just really interesting in general, and I feel like there’s a lot of unanswered questions about him. How does he have magic? (I know the NES version has an explanation for this but the Wii version does not and is substantially different.) What is the extent of his abilities? Is the jewel the source of his power? It seemed to be directly linked to his corporeal clones in title defense. Is he even of this world? I don’t know, but damn it’s fun to speculate on. I’d love a story just about his backstory, how he got his magic, how he became a boxer, I care about that stuff. So yeah, Great Tiger is the most interesting character in this game, and that’s why he’s my favourite. (I also low-key crush on him, but that’s subjective :)

Anyways, hope you enjoyed my list, it was kinda long, but I have a lot of opinions on this game and this is a good place to put it.

#punch out #punch out wii #glass joe #von kaiser #disco kid #king hippo #piston hondo #bear hugger #great tiger #don flamenco #aran ryan #soda popinski #bald bull #super macho man #mr.sandman #sandman #opinions #favorite characters

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malvoliowithin · 7 years

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Marley Rates Every Shakespearean Play*

Now that I have read every play by William Shakespeare* I think it’s time to do a rate of them all. Hold on to your horses, my friends, because this is probably going to get long.

Tragedies:

Julius Caesar: 8/10 I liked this one better the second time I read it. I still think parts are a bit slow, and some of the inherent drama seems to take a weird pitfall after they actually kill Caesar, and then there’s the war that pops up out of nowhere and gives the plot a significant change midway through. Still, though, the dialogue? Perfect. Antony and Cleopatra: 7/10 I liked this one worse the second time I read it. Antony and Cleopatra aren’t likable but their deaths are still upsetting and I really like the dynamics between most of the characters. Unfortunately this one suffers a bad case of ‘fifteen plot lines going on at once, also let’s go to Syria for Reasons’ Coriolanus: 6/10 This one starts off mega slow but gets considerably better later on. Points for the dialogue being so awkward at points that it’s amusing. Also points for being mega super obviously gay all over the place (even more so than most Shakespeare plays, honestly.) Romeo and Juliet: 6/10 I like the idea and presentation of this one but it’s so overrated that it tends to get old quickly. It’s good but it’s not that good. Also, Capulet isn’t given enough credit for being a terrible father. Awful. The worst. 0/10 for good parenting. Also, WHAT HAPPENED TO BENVOLIO. Macbeth: 7/10 high score for things like witches, pretty speeches, blood, ghosts, usurpations, and being short enough to not get tedious. Low score for “what, you egg” and “O, by whom?” Hamlet: 3/10 This one really sells the point of wanting you to feel for these characters but they’re all so angst-ridden that I do not. Okay mostly Hamlet. Actually, almost exclusively Hamlet, but he’s on stage ALL THE TIME and never shuts up. Ever. (Although notably I didn’t like anyone else in the play either.) Othello: 10/10 This play, of all the tragedies, hurts me the most. It might be the ONLY one that actually makes me feel a sense of tangible loss. Iago is brilliant and horrible, Othello is noble and the downfall of his character is painful to watch, Desdemona is wonderful and even the side characters like Cassio and Rodrigo are likable, even in their stupidity. King Lear: 6/10 I WANT to like this one but Lear continues to not impress me and I don’t know why. I love Edmund, I love the sisters, heck I don’t even necessarily have anything against Lear. But I dunno. It just doesn’t do it for me. Maybe it’s cause I don’t care for Kent much. Titus Andronicus: 5/10 This one has to be read as a comedy to keep from being ridiculous because otherwise what in the fresh hell. You tried, William. You tried. Timon of Athens: 1/10 “Why aren’t there more plays about financial problems?” asked no one ever. And here’s why! Okay, yes, it’s about a guy who loses his money to his sleazy friends so he curses society and goes to live in a cave. And while that’s #relatable, any play about money tends to get dry after about 15.5 seconds. Histories:

Henry VI (part 1): 8/10 despite having almost no Henry and occasionally lapsing into weird moments like Mortimer dying and Excess of Talbot and Bedford being carried into the middle of the street whilst dying (?) it also has pretty awesome stuff like The French™ feat. Joan of Arc and Dunois, Talbot being cool, and the beginnings of the Wars of the Roses. Henry VI (part 2): 6/10 This one was the least intelligible and most dry of the Henry VI plays in my opinion, but I need to reread it. I loved the Duchess of Gloucester, but the plot about the rebellion midway through came out of fucking nowhere and also went nowhere. It probably made sense if I knew the history but even after reading about Henry VI I still have no freaking idea what that was. Also, Margaret was pretty creepy in this one and I dunno. Henry VI (part 3): 9/10 the best of the Henry VI plays, this one has the most coherent plot and starts to focus on character rather than circumstance. We get a clearer and more tragic view of Henry, Margaret becomes fully realized, York is in full swing and his sons are introduced and awesome. It’s still a bit cluttered but it really feels like Shakespeare hits his stride here and does it wonderfully. Richard III: 9/10 I love this damn play so much. It stops worrying about throwing in a ton of history details and Shakespeare just goes ‘screw it, let’s go for broke on character’ and MAN does he deliver. Richard III is without a doubt Shakespeare’s best antagonist and probably in the running for best character. Also, the ending. Extremely satisfying. Also painful. Also there’s murder in like every scene and who doesn’t love a good off-stage death? Richard II: 10/10 WHY DO MORE PEOPLE NOT KNOW OF THIS PLAY? You like amazing speeches? Check. You like ridiculous melodrama? Check. You like complicated, relatable tragic heroes? Check. You like crippling betrayal? well find a production that does that lmao but check I guess You like humor? Romance? Having your heart wrenched? Suspense? Intrigue? Existential crises? Gage throwing? Cameos of later famous characters (I see you, baby Hotspur) THEN GO WATCH THIS PLAY. GO. DO IT. DO IT NOW. Henry IV (part 1): 8/10 Good shit: Hotspur. Falstaff. Hal’s arc. Henry’s crippling self-doubt over the overthrow and death of his cousin. The tension between Hal and King Henry. Hotspur’s “I’m gonna teach a bird to say Mortimer’s name and then give it to King Henry lmao” speech. Mortimer. Lady Mortimer! Bad shit: Excessive Falstaff? Hal being a jerkwaffle? Unnecessary use of Backstory that makes the play occasionally not make sense if you aren’t familiar with Richard II? Henry IV (part 2): 4/10 Basically just Part 1 except with the good bits taken out, and longer, and more boring. And Henry dies. A few good speeches but eh. Henry V: 10/10 because Charles is in it. Yeah that’s right. I’m giving this play a 10 because it put a cameo of my son I’m nothing if not predictable. But also, it has Fluellen, and Henry being an Ambitious and Confident Young King who is Trying To Prove His Worth. And also, tennis ball and horse jokes because those are needed (and yes, they really are.) King John: 2/10 what the fuck. To expand: Death by Monk as an actual plot point. A character dies, and the Surprise! I Lived Bitch and then dies anyway? Also a king gets killed and no one talks about it. Also one character is named Richard and then his name is Philip and no one knows what to make of that so they just call him The Bastard. Lots of random offscreen dying, and (bad) plot twists. Have fun. Comedies:

All’s Well That Ends Well: 4/10 No, all is not well that ends well because this play ended well but it wasn’t good. It would have worked better if Bertram had just been gay and then him avoiding his wife would have made more sense instead of him being a jerkass, also what the fuck Helena. DIVORCE HIM. I liked the Countess though she was cool. Much Ado About Nothing: 7/10 Again with the WHAT THE FUCK DIVORCE HIM plotline except, Hero and Claudio. Beatrice was amazing though and so was Benedick. Not sure about Don John. Although, I guess having no motive except “I’m just a little shit who likes to make people sad” is kind of relatable in a sense, but he went to far. Dude, chill. A Midsummer Night’s Dream: 9/10 despite being overrated I love this play. I mean it doesn’t get much better than fairy divorce court being the root of everyone’s problems. It’s just such an utter cavalcade of ridiculousness and yet manages to make all the subplots weave nicely together unlike SOME plays (ie King John). Twelfth Night: 10/10 go look at my URL and then ask me why. But no, really, Twelfth Night is wonderful. I love every character, I love the plot and the subplots blend nicely, it has a nice emotional undertone and some dark themes to give it a bit of impact as you’re laughing at the antics of this group of beautiful idiots. I adore it. The Comedy of Errors: 7/10 this play is just really, really funny. Like it’s kind of a stupid premise but it manages to make it work because it’s SO stupid that it’s awesome. It’s also maddeningly frustrating, which is the highest form of humor. Maybe. The Merry Wives of Windsor: 5/10 FALSTAFF SPINOFF but actually pretty good. The added characters were cool and the cameos from Henry IV were nice to see. Mostly just hilarity. I don’t have a ton to say about this one, but it was enjoyable. The Taming of the Shrew: 4/10 I kind of feel bad for not hating this one as much as everyone else in the fandom does but I don’t totally hate this play. Yeah, it’s mad sexist. Yeah, it’s not particularly funny. But I thought the subplot with Bianca and Lucentio was cute, and I really liked Tranio in general. As You Like It: 7/10 for cool foresty atmosphere, and having the ‘all the world’s a stage’ speech, and Touchstone, and crossdressing, and having a female character who actually had a ton of lines, and Evil Brothers. Minus 3 for OliverxCelia. Shakespeare what were you thinking. Also, he somehow managed to name two characters Jaques. The Two Gentlemen of Verona: 5/10 Okay. PROTEUS IS THE WORST CHARACTER EVER AND I HATE HIM AND I WISH HE HAD DIED. WHAT THE FUCK. THAT WAS LIKE IAGO-LEVEL VILLAINY RIGHT THERE AND HE GOT FORGIVEN AND GOT OFF SCOT FREE LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED. THIS GUY MAKES CLAUDIO AND DEMETRIUS LOOK LIKE SAINTS. Also, doggy. On stage. Good puppy. Love’s Labors Lost: 6/10 This would make more sense if it had about 10 fewer characters and more cohesiveness. But I actually liked it. The ending was nontraditional for a comedy, and some of the scenes were kind of funny and cute.

Romances:

The Winter’s Tale: 7/10 Leontes is the worst. We can all agree on that. Does that stop me from crying when his statue-wife comes to life and forgives him? No it does not. Also, Time is a character and shows up which is... cool, and a little weird, but also cool. Also, RIP Antigonus. The Tempest: 9/10 Monsters and magic and spirits and islands and BETRAYL and... a witch named Sycorax, and also Miranda being wonderful and having a lot of really nice lines about discovering the world for the first time. Good play. I’m enamored of Ariel from a character perspective. Troilus and Cressida: 5/10 I wanted to like this one but... eh. It was all right. It was just kind of slow. You spend the whole play waiting for Hector and Ajax to fight and then it’s over and... well. Also the title couple felt like an awkward sideplot. I gotta say though, Thersites was great even though he was awful and a shithead.

Etc. (you know the ones):

Measure for Measure: 8/10 I love the characters in this one and both Isabelle and Angelo give me feelings in different ways. It’s... not an easy plot to get comfortable with, and the dynamics and way it pans out eventually really hit home. That said, WHAT THE FUCK VINCENTIO. The Merchant of Venice: 3/10 Okay remember when I rated Timon of Athens and I said plays about finances were not a good idea? Well here we are again. This one was actually slightly better because it was more comprehensive, and Portia exists. Of course, there’s also the uncomfortable amount of anti-Semitism that makes one pause and wish this wasn’t happening.

*Minus Cymbeline, Pericles, and Henry VIII which I haven’t read yet, but I’ll update when I’ve read them.

#long post #I'm sorry about this #(no I'm not)

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deadcactuswalking · 6 years

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HIDE IT IN MY SOCK -- THE TOP 10 BEST HIT SONGS OF 2017

Well then, 2017 was fantastic! Well, I mean, for popular music; in terms of anything else, 2017 was pretty horrible, but that’s not what we’re here to discuss. We’re here to discuss...

THE TOP TEN BEST HIT SONGS OF 2017

Yeah, it’s finally here – I wanted to really finalise my list before it was released so I kind of missed List Season entirely, but hopefully those extra weeks of working on these lists will be for the best. Now, throughout the last year, I’ve been more fascinated by and involved in the world of hip hop and rap music, including listening to artists such as Tyler, the Creator, BROCKHAMPTON and Anderson .Paak much more than I used to simply because the genre overall is much more easily enjoyable and accessible, even the more underground and alternative stuff. The reason for that is probably the dominance of urban music on the charts in 2017, with hip hop and R&B overthrowing rock as the most popular genre as of right now. This was expected for a while now, but it’s crazy how much hip hop and rap is more easily available now and especially insane how much hip hop and rap is on the charts now. I’m not really complaining for most of it – you’ll be seeing quite a lot of hip hop on this list – but the oversaturation of trap music, a brand of Southern hip hop, has really gotten on my nerves and honestly I’m starting to get sick of how anyone with ‘Lil’ in their name and lean in their cup can get a Top 40 hit nowadays, but that’s enough rambling and complaining! This is the best list, so let’s start things off positively and reveal the honourable mentions, because there’s a hell of a lot of them.

Honourable Mentions

These are ranked from how far they are from the list proper, furthest to closest. Let’s go!

XXXTENTACION – “Look at Me!”

I was tempted to put this on the list for the meme, but, nah, this sucks.

The Chainsmokers and Coldplay – “Something Just Like This” / Migos – “Bad and Boujee” featuring Lil Uzi Vert / French Montana – “Unforgettable” featuring Swae Lee / Cardi B – “Bodak Yellow” / The Chainsmokers – “Paris” / Justin Timberlake – “Can’t Stop the Feeling!”

I can’t decide if these songs are terrific or terrible. Other than that, I have nothing really to say about these other than I’m excited for Swaecation.

Adele – “Water under the Bridge”

I want to like this song.

DJ Khaled – “Wild Thoughts” featuring Rihanna and Bryson Tyler

I don’t want to like this song, but that groove is tight enough for me to forgive Bryson Tiller comparing sex to a cremation.

twenty one pilots – “Heathens”

I’ve yet to come to terms with the fact that I kinda like these guys.

Miley Cyrus – “Malibu”

This is the sweetest song of the year. Ew.

Zedd and Alessia Cara – “Stay”

This was on the list at some point. Guess it couldn’t stay.

Also, yes, since I don’t have much to say about these songs, a lot of these reasons will just be puns.

21 Savage – “Bank Account” / Post Malone – “Rockstar” featuring 21 Savage

21 Savage has never bored me like he bores other people.

Sweeter than a Pop-Tart

The only reason “Rockstar” isn’t on this list is because of the Pop-Tart diss. How dare you!

Travis Scott – “Goosebumps” featuring Kendrick Lamar

God, Kendrick is terrible on this.

Demi Lovato – “Sorry Not Sorry”

I ain’t got no problem, got no problem with this.

Niall Horan – “Slow Hands”

Why does everyone hate this again? This is too cute for me to dislike, even if it does compare sex to laundry.

Shawn Mendes – “There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back”

Yeah, that guitar melody holds this back.

Rae Sremmurd – “Black Beatles” featuring Gucci Mane / Migos – “I Get the Bag” featuring Gucci Mane

Happy belated birthday, Gucci Mane.

Luis Fonsi featuring Daddy Yankee and Justin Bieber – “Despacito” (remix)

This is a really fun song, but it kind of bores me towards the end.

Big Sean – “Bounce Back”

Tragic irony.

The Weeknd – “I Feel it Coming”

This is one of the few times that a song is too repetitive for my taste.

Rihanna – “Love on the Brain”

Doo-wop-wop, shooby-doo-wop.

Charlie Puth – “Attention”

The ultimate battle between good and evil: bassline vs. falsetto.

Bruno Mars – “24K Magic” / Bruno Mars – “That’s What I Like”

Sorry, Bruno, you’re not #blessed enough.

Got to blame it on Jesus

Kendrick Lamar – “HUMBLE.”

I’m just not very good at talking about Kendrick, probably because if you hear his songs you’ll immediately know why I like them.

A Boogie wit da Hoodie – “Drowning” featuring Kodak Black

This nearly topped my list until I got sick of Kodak Black’s verse.

KYLE – “iSpy” featuring Lil Yachty / D.R.A.M. - “Broccoli” featuring Lil Yachty

These are fun but Lil Yachty exists, so they’re not on the list.

Touch my gang, we gon’ turn this s**t to Columbine

I hope KYLE and D.R.A.M. won’t end up as one-hit wonders, though they probably will be.

Ed Sheeran – “Castle on the Hill”

This is the only time you will see me endorsing Ed Sheeran because this song rocks. Too bad the rest of his output is cringeworthy or boring.

Harry Styles – “Sign of the Times”

We’re at the point where the only reason these songs didn’t make the list is because there were a few songs that were better. Exhibit A.

Playboi Carti – “Magnolia”

Consider this my honorary #11.

Charlie Puth – “How Long”

If this made the year-end, it would have been on the list.

Jason Derulo – “Tip Toe” featuring French Montana / CamelPhat and Elderbrook – “Cola”

These songs didn’t cross over to the US in time to be a hit, and that upsets me because these probably would have made the top five. Hell, I’m listening to “Cola” as I’m typing this.

N.E.R.D. – “Don’t Don’t Do It!” featuring Kendrick Lamar

This is my favourite single released this year overall. Tied with...

Tyler, the Creator - “Boredom” featuring Rex Orange County and Anna of the North

Lil Uzi Vert - “The Way Life Goes” featuring Oh Wonder and Nicki Minaj

Lorde - “Perfect Places”

Now to get to the actual list of ten—well, twelve—songs that I consider to be the best that American popular music had to offer throughout the year. Let’s start with #10.

#10

I have never heard a good Fifth Harmony song in my life, mostly because of how unappealing Camila was as a singer. I personally found her voice very squeaky and at times aggravating. Sure, artists improve over time, but when she went solo, I did not expect this big of an improvement.

#10 – Camila Cabello – “Havana” featuring Young Thug

This took me by surprise when I first heard it because it is so smooth despite its blending of many popular genres, including jazz-influenced piano and Latin percussion that despite classic influences, still feels incredibly fresh, especially in today’s pop climate. What I love most about the song apart from the obvious which I’ll talk about later is actually the lyrics and the performers, especially Young Thug. Camila is the main star, obviously, with her almost sassy performance, but the lyrics she’s singing contrast that swagger completely, and are about a boy who seemingly doesn’t care about her when they initially meet, with a careless stride into the club Camila’s in and a chessy pick-up line along the way which, of course, he says to all the other girls. A Joey Tribbiani reference starts Camila’s verse, and if you mention Friends, I’m pretty sure you get on this list automatically.

I’m doin’ forever in a minute (that Summer night in June) / And poppa says he got malo in him

Camila uses the Spanish word “malo”, meaning “bad”, describing Young Thug as a typical bad boy. That pre-chorus is also one of the catchiest moments in the top ten right now.

And he got me feeling like (ooh)

Camila’s great but Young Thug, however, is a genius. You know how guest rap verses usually talk about something completely unrelated, usually just bragging about all the typical rap subjects? Well, somehow Young Thug both does exactly that and subverts it at the same time. For the first part of his verse, he gives us more detail about who this bad boy is and reveals his name, Jeffery – Young Thug’s real name. Talking from the perspective of Jeffery (or himself), he details how he just graduated from college, where he was “fresh on campus”, to brag to Camila about his perceived “coolness”, for lack of a better word. He continues to brag and talk about how he’s a bad boy, paying prostitutes like Uncle Sam – yes, that is the similie he uses – until he starts to talk about the sex that Jeffrey and Camila supposedly had, describing it with several food metaphors, even proclaiming that it’s “history in the making”, shredding his bad boy persona and revealing glimpses of hope to raise a child and settle down. He then hilariously retracts his statement, going back to Jeffery bragging, showing how Jeffery’s fear of getting too close has really left Camila’s heart in Havana.

This is history in the makin’ on me / Point blank, close range, that be / If it cost a million, that’s me

He ends his verse by begging Camila and trying to reason with her, but his persona has clouded his mind.

I was gettin’ mula, baby!

What makes this even better is that this verse both fits into the story and is a throwaway rap verse about himself. Young Thug is a genius.

Also, it has a saxophone solo, which obviously makes it God-tier in my books. Fantastic song.#

Havana, ooh, na-na

Let me make this clear: not every section will be as long as #10, but I had a lot of lyrical stuff I wanted to talk about for that song, so I did my best to keep it kind of concise while I explained why I love it. Most of these songs, however, I enjoy purely based on a musical standpoint and what better way to demonstrate this other than a song about what I assume is hipster nonsense.

#9 – Portugal. The Man – “Feel it Still”

This year was full of two things: stilted trap rap and funky-as-hell grooves. This is probably the funkiest and grooviest song out of the bunch, but it’s also psychedelic and eerie, creating a beautiful contrast between the percussion that sounds fitting in a disco or energetic soul track and the creeping bass and the jumpscare-worthy horns, as well as the fantastically creepy falsetto vocals performed by this indie rock band’s frontman, John Gourley, as well as the deep and reverb-effected vocals from the other members of the band, specifically the repetition of “is it coming?” just to lead to a non-climax; the feeling is still. The dial-up phone sounds during the first verse are also pretty clever and work with the “is it coming?” theme excellently as well. It feels like it’s right behind you and you’re constantly afraid of it, but it never comes. For a song that’s actually about wanting life to be peaceful like it supposedly was in the 1960s and 1980s again, it musically represents paranoia brilliantly. This psychedelic pop tune will be in my rotation for years to come.

Yeah, I don’t have much to talk about for this one so I suppose we’ll just jump right into it.

#8 – Khalid – “Young, Dumb & Broke”

Khalid as a vocalist is one of the best newcomers to the pop world, and for someone with such a mature smooth soulful vocal, you wouldn’t expect him to have had his 20th birthday just a few days ago. Despite that, his first big single “Location” didn’t work for me, I suppose it just felt too minimalistic and slightly drab, somewhat dull in fact. His follow-up, however, is an R&B jam about reminiscing on when he was a young, dumb and broke high-school kid that just clicks with me. Maybe it’s the chill trap-hinting production, maybe it’s the catchy vocalisation in the post-chorus, maybe it’s Khalid himself, but I’m not entirely sure. This just really clicks with me on a level I didn’t really think it could, and I don’t have much reason for it either, but for an incredibly basic song like this I don’t think it’s necessary. It’s just a solid jam you should definitely check out.

Who can relate? Whoo!

#7 – Post Malone – “Congratulations” featuring Quavo

That meme of a quote from Logic pretty much sums up why I like this song. It’s relatable to a degree where everyone can relate to it (whoo), because it’s just about having a small achievement in your life, and being happy that you accomplished it. It’s an anthem for people overcoming milestones in their life that mean more to them than it does to anyone else. Post mentions being on TV, which gets you some level of fame overall and gives you recognition, but the only people that truly notice and take it to heart are you and your closest friends and family.

My mama called, “seen you on TV, son” / Said, “s**t done changed ever since I was young”

Nothing has really changed at all, but to Postman Malone and his family, it means the world. It’s also an anthem for dismissing your haters – the main obstacle for anyone to get ahead – but maybe they’re not typical or conventional “haters”.

I dreamed it all ever since I was young / They said I wouldn’t be nothing, now they always say, “Congratulations!” (yeah)

He says “they” but he doesn’t specify, leading me to believe he’s talking about the voices in his head and his self-esteem pushing him down. What leads me to this theory, though? Huncho Houdini himself, Quavo. Do you notice that in the verse and the chorus, both Post Malone and Quavo have faint repetitions of “yeah”? Those are the voices that Post is being kept down by. In Post’s verse he even mentions what the voices have to say.

I know I sound dramatic, yeah

But he’s still determined.

But I knew I had to have it, yeah

Quavo, in his verse, portrays Post’s mindset and how all over the place is thoughts are: reminiscing on graduation...

Young n***a, young n***a, graduation

Attempting to find some energy and buzz to do something...

I pick up the rock and I ball, baby

...but he can’t. He tries to get help from out of this rut but he just can’t pick up the phone.

I’m looking for someone to call, baby / But right now, I got a situation

He later drops this beautiful line, wrapping everything up in one sentence.

My life is like a ball game

But in the end, despite everything all collapsing, Post gets through the struggle and reigns on top.

If you f**k with winnin’, put your lighters to the sky

Come on, who doesn’t f**k with winning?

#6 / #5

Hey, look, two consecutive Maroon 5 songs! God, there goes my dignity.

#6 – Maroon 5 – “Cold” featuring Future

#5 – Maroon 5 – “What Lovers Do” featuring SZA

I know everyone hates these songs but too bad, they’re awesome and also polar opposites.

“Cold” is a loose, dark tropical house track where Adam’s screeching vocals stand out as not a negative but a positive, being the only possible release of his anger and confusion against the muted bass in the verse, before the explosion of the chorus, where Adam outright asks his girlfriend, “why have you been so cold?” He shouts desperately, not worried but distressed and confused, in a state of isolation almost, until he finds a friend who can relate (whoo) in the form of Future. The whole song is a spill of Adam and Future’s emotions towards this woman, and it works beautifully in the tropical instrumentation. My favourite line is from Future:

So cold; this colder

The girl’s so cold that Future is cracking up a cold one with... himself.

“What Lovers Do”, however, is a tight funky synthpop track that focuses on Adam and SZA trying to do what lovers do, trying to be close but can’t. It’s not one-sided anymore, hence the instrumentation is much less natural and more stiff, because it’s not one man screaming at a wall, it’s a couple screaming at each other. Sonically, both of these songs are very fun, free songs with “What Lovers Do” having a tight groove and “Cold” feeling sparsely empty in its instrumentation but has a driving kick to it that shows Adam’s uncertainty. If you slander these songs, you can shut right up. Maroon 5 has never failed to delight.

I don’t wanna know, know, know, know

Oh, hey, ha, hey. I’ll be seeing you on my worst list.

No more, please stop

There’s three very predictable choices for the near-top of this list, and here’s probably the most predictable one.

#4 – Childish Gambino – “Redbone”

Have you ever just loved a song so much because everything works? Everything is so beautifully meshed together that it’s almost too perfect.

Well, that is not what happened here at all because I shouldn’t like this as much as I do, and nothing works about it. The bass is too overwhelming, especially in the pre-chorus, sounding very sludgy for that whole passage, also, Childish Gambino’s falsetto is grating to the point it makes me want to eat some Red Leicester, but you can never deny that melody that started the meme that created – or at least developed - the surge of popularity for this excellently-composed track. I think its imperfections are why I love it, it sounds clunky and at times drags on too much but it fits in perfect with Gambino, who is vocally all over the wall, with a weak murmur in the verse, and a powerful screech in the final chorus. Despite being out for more than a year now, this hasn’t grown on me, this has just become more and more interesting and mind-boggling that it became a hit. It’s strange but so is 2017, which leads me to the reason I have this song so high. It represents 2017 extremely well – everything is strange, new and worrying, especially with Trump in office and the current political climate.

What? You think he wasn’t gonna be on the list at all?

#3 – Kendrick Lamar – “DNA.”

Kendrick talks about racial, social and political issues a lot, and honestly, I couldn’t care less about what he brings up because his flow, punchlines, bars and especially production are all killer. This applies to this song more than any other Kendrick song I’ve heard. The stuttering trap production from Mike WiLL Made It brings more power to Kendrick’s first verse where he raps repetitively about what he has in his DNA or in his blood, stuff he’s dealt with so much it’s just natural for him. It is a hyped banger for its first minute and a half or so, before it switches to Geraldo Riviera being sampled stating that he believes hip hop music has damaged African-American youth culture, until Kendrick absolutely rips him apart in the second verse as the beat switches to a more gloomy and complex beat.

My DNA not for imitation / Your DNA an abomination

In this fantastic verse, he talks about the typical lyrical subjects Geraldo Riviera thinks hip hop is only about, and sarcastically glamorises them, saying sex, money and murder are what Riviera thinks are in his DNA. These verses from different perspectives make up and incredibly pumped-up track that is just excellent in every which way. Love it.

And now for our only tie, both songs by two artists who have a hit-and-miss track record and one artist I absolutely love. Drank.

#2 – Jason Derulo – “Swalla” featuring Ty Dolla $ign and Nicki Minaj / Calvin Harris – “Slide” featuring Frank Ocean and Migos (Offset and Quavo)

Both of these songs are here not because of any deep lyrical meaning or any beautiful mesh of instrumentation or its elements, they’re here because of peer enjoyment. They also both have some of my personal favourite elements of music overall, just stuff that tickles my fancy more than anything objectively great. The simple melody of the synth in “Slide”, as well as the brilliant synth-solo in “Swalla” in the post-chorus, which I have grown to absolutely love and herald as the best moment in pop music this year, maybe tied with the start of Offset’s verse in “Slide”.

(Offset!) Good gracious! / Staring at my diamonds while I’m hopping out the spaceship

Everyone’s favourite homophobic hip hop duo, Offset and Quavo, provide verses on “Slide”, with Quavo’s being more of a transition and bridge from the moody slow drone of Frank Ocean’s lead vocal to Offset’s energetic verse, which proves him as more than a trap rapper, who can star on a disco song and steal the limelight from one of the best R&B singers of the past few years. They also provide great quotables.

Mama too hot like a (like a what?) / Mama too hot like a furnace (furnace)

B****es be dippin’, dancin’ with n***as like a nacho

Like a nacho? Huh?

The song itself is about someone who just wants to enter a richer man’s life, but also about a Picasso painting.

I might empty my bank account / And buy that boy with a pipe

I don’t know, and I don’t care because this song rules, as does “Swalla”, with Jason’s vocals fleeting over the upbeat instrumental, right before the excellent drum fill, which is more of a breakdown than anything, but not just a drum breakdown – a breakdown in sanity and a crazy moment in this party that doesn’t feel full until this insane drum fill, which fits perfectly with Ty Dolla $ign’s verse, but the true star here is Nicki.

Bad girl, no swalla nuttin’, word to young Dalai Lama

Her verse is fire, nothing else to say, truly one of the best verses she’s ever written.

Bless her heart, she throwing shots, but every line sucks

Let’s be fair, Remy Ma, you got bodied on not one but two hit singles. You’ve lost. Overall, two flabbergastingly great tracks.

But they’re still not the best hit songs of 2017.

I may be breaking rules here but nonetheless, I believe this was the best hit song of 2017.

#1 – Lorde – “Green Light”

Nah, just kidding, it’s the joke song about the girl with the thicc booty.

#1 – Aminé –“Caroline”

The reason I do Reviewing the Charts and the reason I’m making this list is partially to analyse, review, talk about and share my opinion on pop music and culture, but what I really attempt to do is make you laugh, make you entertained, because that’s what we all want, right? At our very core, we want entertainment, and I don’t think any song this year is more entertaining than this.

Bad thing (s**t), fine as hell (whoa), thick as f**k

Over the beat that blends trap and old-school hip-hop synths pretty greatly, Aminé throws some lighthearted shade as he comically condemns one of rap’s longest-surviving lyrical mainstay, loving a woman only for her appearance, as he over exaggerates how careless he is for this woman to hilarious proportions.

Caroline, listen up / Don’t wanna hear about your horoscope / Or what the future holds / Just shut up and shut up and let’s get gory

There are some incredible quotables here as well, like this...

Holy s**t, I’m really lit

...and my personal favourite lyric of the year.

You say I’m a tall thug, guess I’m a G-raffe

That is the corniest yet also most outstanding pun I’ve ever heard a rapper spit.

If you want safe sex, baby, use the knee pads

Aminé manipulates his voice in some of the most interesting ways a pop-rapper has, and sounds great, especially when he’s singing on the chorus and then immediately goes to rapping about the girl again, like going from Ray Charles to Ying Yang Twins, or Ne-Yo to Ray William Johnson.

The reason this is on the list isn’t just because it’s funny, no, it’s because of his performance on the Tonight Show.

9/11, a day that we’re never forgetting / 11/9, a day that we’re never regretting / If my president is Trump, then it’s relevant enough / To talk ‘bout it on TV and not give a (f**k) / I’m black, and I’m proud / My skin is brown, and I’m loud

The outro of his performance is one of the best uses of someone’s platform to speak out against Trump I’ve ever seen. Nobody expects the one-hit wonder who eats a bunch of bananas in his music video to be talking about this, and to use his fifteen minutes to spread the word to millions of people on The Tonight Show is a very smart decision to use your fame. Make a difference before you fizzle out, or you’ll burn away without changing anyone’s life, without affecting anyone, which is the whole point of entertainment and art, to make a change in someone’s life who enjoys the music, or the films, or the art. It’s better that Aminé leaves his career as a one-hit wonder because I cannot imagine any better way to leave than this. Aminé, you’re divine, and your song is mighty fine. I’m out!

You can never make America great again / All you ever did was make this country hate again.

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