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megashadowdragon · 3 years

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It has been called many things- the unwalkable disease, gutta (drop), podagra, arthritis of the rich, and the disease of kings (which sounded suitably dramatic for a title).

But we more commonly call it gout.

Doran Martell suffers from an advanced stage of gout, perhaps even exaggerated, since he has had his movement restricted to such a degree that nearly all motion is difficult without severe pain. (I'm not a doctor so, I can't say for certain)

Gout as a Facet of Doran's Character

We know that Doran is in constant pain, that it prevents sleep, and he finds no hope in medical treatment curing his disease.

The prince turned his chair laboriously to face her. Though he was but two-and-fifty, Doran Martell seemed much older. His body was soft and shapeless beneath his linen robes, and his legs were hard to look upon. The gout had swollen and reddened his joints grotesquely; his left knee was an apple, his right a melon, and his toes had turned to dark red grapes, so ripe it seemed as though a touch would burst them. Even the weight of a coverlet could make him shudder, though he bore the pain without complaint.

For comparison here is a testimony from a patient with gout in a single leg:

"The patient goes to bed and sleeps quietly until about two in the morning when he is awakened by a pain which usually seizes the great toe, but sometimes the heel, the calf of the leg or the ankle. The pain resembles that of a dislocated bone ... and this is immediately succeeded by a chillness, shivering and a slight fever ... the pain ..., which is mild in the beginning ..., grows gradually more violent every hour ... so exquisitely painful as not to endure the weight of the clothes nor the shaking of the room from a person walking briskly therein."

That is what Doran endures each day, constantly. Even the weight of a sheet would make the man shudder.

It is no wonder to me that he loves watching the little children splash and laugh and play in the Water Gardens. I imagine each glance must be bittersweet- imaging a time when he could run and splash with the other children, or watching Oberyn and Elia do the same. Knowing that now, his mobility, his autonomy has been taken from him, just as his siblings have been taken, leaving him unable to move, and unable to act.

Doran must be quite aware of how the children view him, and he takes special care to put them at ease, even at his own increased pain.

Then nought would do but he must say farewell to several of the children who had become especial favorites... Doran kept a splendid Myrish blanket over his legs as he spoke with them, to spare the young ones the sight of his swollen, bandaged joints

That splendid Myrish blanket sounds heavy with adornment (or even fabric) knowing that even a light coverlet's pressure pained him before this must be agony. It is my opinion that this blanket is as much for Prince Doran as it is for the children. He invites many children to the Water Gardens, a virtual safe haven free from class differences, a near oasis, the Prince entertains them, and it seems he must speak with them and come to know many of them. So much so, that he must say good bye.

Prince Doran carefully guards his image, this is part of the reason they left Sunspear nearly two years ago- he was getting sicker and needed to retreat from the whispers that filled the Shadow City. In the Water Garden's he is better able to project strength and wellness- his people clearly are unaware of how far his gout has progressed.

That this performance also extends to the children speaks to some form of painful self awareness on Doran's part- he doesn't want to expose his legs and upset them. I think he also doesn't want to see the children's faces and face their questions if they saw his legs.

Mobility and Autonomy

Something as simple as walking, is a thing we often take for granted. Doran can't get up to pour a glass of water, he needs help sitting up each day, he cannot support his weight enough to stand. It's paralyzing, it shrinks your perspective down to minute motions where every move is weighed by how much pain it will cause.

I think we can see this same restriction in his political moves as well- a painful reflection of his limited physical autonomy.

Hotah slid his longaxe into its sling across his back and gathered the prince into his arms, tenderly so as not to jar his swollen joints. Even so, Doran Martell bit back a gasp of pain... Hotah bore him up the long stone steps of the Tower of the Sun, to the great round chamber beneath the dome

The Prince of Dorne had to be carried from his seat, in the arms of his guard, up the steps of a tower to his bedroom. For a man in such a medieval martial society, that frames its conceptions of strength over acts of physical strength and war, which scorns physical disability, this must be a humiliating experience.

A Thimble of Poppy

It's after this day of bad news, of constant increasing pain, that we finally see a true crack in Doran Martell's armor. First the letter, which brought news of his brother's death, then his nieces repeated threats and calls for war (Obara, Nymeria, and Tyene), and humiliation from each we see him ask for a thimble of milk of the poppy. I'm not certain why, but these words (even after watching Maester Caelotte worry over possible poisoning) were very sad to read.

Doran has reached a wall, a point where he doesn't care anymore about keeping a clear head and frame of mind. He just wants relief, that constant spike in every joint, to be muted and fade to the background for a while.

Treatment

It seems that his gout has grown quite worse in the last few years:

Two years ago, when they had left Sunspear for the peace and isolation of the Water Gardens, Prince Doran’s gout had not been half so bad. In those days he had still walked, albeit slowly, leaning on a stick and grimacing with every step

Although gout has been treated in our own history for more than 2,000 years, it does not appear that the more advanced medicine of westeros (compared to our medieval history) has developed even basic treatments.

Since the time of Hippocrates we have known that gout was linked to lifestyle, and since Galen we've known that there are genetic factors associated with its development. For both of these periods gout was treated with a flower called the Autumn crocus- a powerful purgative (colchicine) was derived from it.

Strangely, there doesn't appear to be much help for it in westeros.

Maester Caleotte remained behind. “My prince?” the little round man asked. “Do your legs hurt?” The prince smiled faintly. “Is the sun hot?” “Shall I fetch a draught for the pain?” “No. I need my wits about me

In my opinion, this implies that the treatment automatically given is milk of the poppy. A pain reliever which would impair Doran's judgement- and milk of the poppy seems to fit (barring a more specific remedy we haven't heard of).

We also have reference to:

the maester helped Doran Martell to bathe and bandaged up his swollen joints in linen wraps soaked with soothing lotions

Although, I don't expect Hotah to be knowledgeable about the exact methods the maester uses to treat Doran- Hotah is in the third best position to know how the Prince is being treated (after Maester Caelotte, and Doran himself).

Lifestyle

Doran does not appear to have been given treatment options regarding his lifestyle.

A serving man brought him a bowl of purple olives, with flatbread, cheese, and chickpea paste. He ate a bit of it, and drank a cup of the sweet, heavy strongwine that he loved. When it was empty, he filled it once again.

This is, perhaps, the worst dinner Doran could have eaten in regards to his gout. Yet, it also is terribly mundane (by which I mean- likely a meal consumed regularly and not an indulgence). It is a staple meal- flatbread, cheese, and hummus. Simple, and certainly not King's Landing fare. But it is loaded with sugar, salt, and alcohol. All things which make gout worse- much worse.

We have another example:

He had decided to break his fast before he went, with a blood orange and a plate of gull’s eggs diced with bits of ham and fiery peppers

This is just as bad- sugar and meat- another food which exasperates his condition. One of the first lifestyle changes used as treatment was the elimination of alcohol, sweet foods from the diet.

It doesn't appear that Doran is remaining sick with gout to raise his popularity (as it was in our own history)

Gout (Everyone's Doing it These Days)

"The common cold is well named – but the gout seems instantly to raise the patient's social status", and to another in Punch in 1964, "In keeping with the spirit of more democratic times, gout is becoming less upper-class and is now open to all ... It is ridiculous that a man should be barred from enjoying gout because he went to the wrong school."

Nor does it appear that the gout is being used to ward off other more serious diseases (the gout seems extremely concerning)

In earlier times, attacks of gout were also seen as a prophylactic against more serious diseases. According to the writer Horace Walpole, gout "prevents other illnesses and prolongs life ... could I cure that gout, should not I have a fever, a palsy, or an apoplexy?"

My Takeaway:

I took a course on the intersection of disease, medicine, and history a while ago as a fun class- after reading this chapter again (Hotah I AFFC) I don't find him boring or lackluster anymore. If anything, Doran is incredibly human, and extremely relatable once you break him down.

He lives very much inside his own mind, I imagine wherever he is, Doran is always in the Water Garden's in his own head, seeing himself, Elia, and Oberyn shouting and splashing, as they were never able in childhood.

(Note: This is all said in the context of this one chapter, I haven't reread the next in the Dorne storyline yet.)

comments : I am not a medical student, so probably take my words with a grain of salt. Based on the source I listed below, it’s very universally known that sweets, alcohol, and meat (even sugar from fruit) exacerbate gout. The “drops” (Uric acid that builds into crystals in joints) is worsened by large amounts of sugar. (Like in the strongwine that Doran enjoys)Cherries do have sugar, not as much as other fruit, but I think they might have been referring to a combination of cherries and allopurinol which is used to reduce the amount of uric acid.Some older treatments of gout (that originated in the 19th c) basically attempted to purge the body of uric acid through urine. To my knowledge they use other methods today, but it must have been at least mildly effective (I remember reading about negative effects of such purgative treatment- so I’m not entirely sure).

#asoiaf #A Song of Ice and Fire #doran martell #asoiaf meta

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archivesdiveronarpg · 7 years

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Congratulations, DIANA! You’ve been accepted for the role of CELIA. Admin Bree: After months of going without a Castora, this application was everything I could've asked for and more—witty, well-written, and her, dripping from every word. You made me laugh with your headcanons and nod my head at your sample and interview, and there wasn't one thing in your application that wasn't utterly and completely true. You nailed it, and for that, I'm so excited to hand Castora off to you! Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character

Alias | Diana

Age | 19

Preferred Pronouns | she/hers

Activity Level | I’m around an 8 right now, because I’m off school and have more time to rp (minus one week in the beginning of July where I’m not sure what my computer access will be due to a vacation), but once I’m back at university I’ll be at my busiest on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, but activity will pick up on the weekend. Overall, I’d rate my activity at around a 7 to a 7.5.

Timezone | PST

In Character

Character | Celia; Castora Maria Aguilar

What drew you to this character? |

When I was reading Castora’s biography, I thought “this is the kind of person who would miss the point of Elsa’s story in Frozen.” Not that Castora would be a fan of Disney movies, per se. I find her coldness and her avoidance, dismissal, and fear of love fascinating - because love is around her; her mother loves her and Ramona loves her, but she’s just so afraid of it. I also thought it interesting that she doesn’t really blame her father, the root of it all, for her problems; instead she wants to prove him wrong. Also, throughout her biography she reasons her mother’s behavior as a result of her father as her reasons for her psyche, when to me, it the death of her innocence was probably death by a 1000 cuts: her father leaving, watching her mother break, knowing her father left her because he would not risk everything by loving her, etc. So much weighs on her soul, but it has made her the person she is today. And despite it all, Castora is proud of it. She is proud of surviving.

There’s a lot of contrasts in her personality that I think make her an interesting character. She’s so capable of compartmentalizing her emotions away, of denying herself (and the people around her) love, that when she lets it spill over, which she rarely does, Castora forms these deep attachments and love for people - her relationships with Ramona and Valentina (and, with development, her relationship with Pandora who she already looks on like the mother she always wanted) for example. She is equal parts vengefulness, sharp-tongued, and cruelty as she is undying loyalty, diligent, and a hard worker. She’s equal parts loyalty and selfishness: just as devoted to the Montague’s, to Ramona, to her job, to the people she chose (even if she doesn’t like them and they don’t like her) as she is devoted to herself - her ambitions, desires, and willingness to withhold affection. The same girl who unabashedly broke her mother’s heart and joined a mafia is the same girl who when her trust is earned treats it like a marriage vow: until death do us part. It’s all rather like a Shakespearean tragedy, and Castora is made up of fatal flaws (which is a part of the reason she is so determined on surviving and rising)

There’s a lot of emotional baggage in that that would be interesting to explore in how she makes connections with other people on all sides of the war and how the battles can push her to either side of her personality, or to a breaking point.

There’s a line in her bio that I thought particularly interesting: “no, like smoke, she’ll rise.” Not like a phoenix, or something bright and magnificent. Like smoke - something that can help bring warmth or show the path (smoke signals) but that can also bring, with long time exposure, disease. Like smoke, something that will whisp away into nothingness soon and needs a constant fire to rise. Castora is determined to rise, but she won’t make it easy for anyone, including herself.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? | Where do you see this character developing, and what kind of actions would you have them take to get there? 3 future plot ideas would be preferable.

LEAST OF ALL, A CAPULET: Castora is, first and foremost two things: loyal and selfish. A loyal sister to Ramona; a loyal friend to Valentina; a loyal pupil to Pandora; a loyal soldier to the Montagues - and thus, loyal in her hatred for the Capulet’s. And in all those things, she holds it inside her heart, letting it bloom, fester, and rot in turn. All these practically consume her. And isn’t that what the daughter of Dolores Castillo and Arturo Aguilar should be? Loyal and selfish, to the point of self-annihilation? I think it would be interesting if Castora’s loyalties to the Montague’s and especially her perception of the Capulet’s was challenged or changed, perhaps having doubts about the Capulet’s killing Alvise, or having something Priam says to her stick? Castora’s so stubborn and so loyal to the Montague’s that having that challenged would cast a shadow of doubt over her worldview if she became friends/lovers/allies/etc. with any Capulet. More specifically, I think an interesting plot would be Castora with a Capulet in a life-or-death situation against the Spades, or with the Spades against the Capulets, or any other mutual enemy (i.e. some rogue Veronian trying to kill them, or some Savonarola type figure trying to eradicate vice in Verona).

TO THAW A FROZEN HEART: Castora will never relinquish control of her heart and she has cultivated this Ice Queen image. Yet, she has let people in, particularly Ramona and Valentina (pretty much only Ramona and Valentina). Her biography mentions that people assume that she is the way she is because she “has never known love” - I headcanon that she lets people believe that because it’s easier - and I think an interesting plot for Castora would be to fall in love or to let someone in, and deal with the consequences. She is already so deeply closed off, and relates her “ice queen” exterior to survival, so I think it would be interesting in the gang world to see who Castora is thawed. More specifically, I was thinking that she shows mercy to someone - a duplicitous Montague, a Capulet or a Spade - and it comes back to bite her, leading to her going back to Ice Queen mode out of pain. Or having the person/people she loves being used against her to make her do things she wouldn’t do otherwise - betray the Montagues, or Ramona in particular, or have to go to the Capulet’s or Spade’s for help, when her go-at-it-alone method doesn’t work.

AMBITION: In Castora’s relationship section with Pandora, it mentions that Pandora was not threatened by Castora’s ambition, “see[ing] potential - rather than a threat”, which makes me wonder - have any of the other members in the Montague mob seen Castora as a threat? And who does she see as a threat on her ascendancy? Castora’s personality doesn’t really attract friends, after all. As I picture her, she’s not really the loudmouth “I hate your guts type” (unless it’s a Capulet); within the Montague’s she’s more quiet and when she speaks, she’s really blunt (which easily crosses the line into cruelty, insensitivity, apathy, etc.). She feels like she’s so close to becoming a captain, that she would tread over people she perceives as a threat or go above and beyond to earn the rank, perhaps making more Capulet enemies or setting off a chain reaction that leads to painful consequences.

AMBITION II: Castora could potentially reach the level of captain, and then find out that she is not suited for that level of leadership. I think it would be interesting for Castora to struggle with achieving her ambitions, and still feeling unsatisfied. No matter what she does, she can never really shake off the albatross of being her mother’s daughter. She feels that weakness inside of her. Also, if Castora were to lose anyone like Pandora, Ramona, or Valentina - or any other friends or potential future lovers - because of the rivalry between the gangs, I think it would be interesting for her to change her Montague career goals - going for becoming an emissary, a position of peace, and changing her world view.

LUKE I AM YOUR FATHER: Castora’s father left her and her mother when she was young because of his activities and loyalties to the crime world. In As You Like It, Celia’s father, Duke Frederick, is an usurper. Her biography doesn’t mention if her father was living/dead/participating in in Verona’s mafias by the time Castora has joined. To use some Shakespearean inspiration, I think it would interesting if Castora’s father came back as a threat to her/her interests/the Aguilar family (including her mother)/the Montagues - basically everything Castora cares about - and if he had any participation in Alvise’s death or any other shady events. I was thinking Castora “joins the dark side” either because he’s her father, and it would be the ultimate act of silencing about her fears of weakness and love, or doing it as a double agent.

In Depth

The following THREE questions must be answered in-character, and in para form (quotations, actions written out if applicable, etc). There is no minimum or maximum limit for your response - simply answer as you would were you playing the character.

What is your favorite place in Verona? | “The Castelvecchio Bridge. The Montague side, of course,” she responded, even though she was not averse to crossing the dividing line. The Bridge survived decades of war and it still stood. Castora appreciated that. “It’s usually quiet.” Quiet. Not peaceful. Like her. “It’s a good place to smoke.” A good place to think, she thought, but did not say out loud.

What does your typical day look like?

“Coffee,” Castora said bluntly. “It has to start with coffee.”

The Phoenix and Turtle, being in Capulet territory, was out of the question unless Castora really felt like gunning for a fight. But she was wiser than that - dying for an espresso seemed a tad ridiculous. Luckily there were several other cafe’s in Verona, one in Montague territory that would be persuaded to open at 5:30. She’d grab her and Pandora’s orders, carefully regarding her mentor, and say “Where and when?” The why doesn’t matter - usually.

“Then the gym,” she continued. Usually kickboxing. Sometimes spin classes, but the Montague soldier would drop dead before admitting to something her mother would do. Or probably does? Did? “Then work,” Castora ended with a smile that halfway met her eyes before the woman remembered to be as cold and unfeeling as the marble that breathed “life” into Verona. “You know, checking shipments, making sure people hold up their end of the deal.” Castora was very good at reminding buyers to keep their promises.

She smirked, “What happens after hours isn’t really anyone’s business though - is it?” And left. A girl’s got a reputation to uphold.

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues? “War is war,” the Aguilar girl said dismissively. “Peace is not a fucking option. Not now. Not after what they did to Alvise.” This is Verona! Castora wanted to scream. We don’t get justice here. We get even.

In-Character Para Sample:

There’s a half-full suitcase on her bed. She decided to buy new sheets and pillows and blankets, she decided she was ok with having lifeless white walls (and really, that was probably the better option than having those glow in the dark stars on her ceiling and posters for bands she didn’t listen to anymore but her mother was too nostalgic to throw out). She decided she was ok not bringing any photos. And Castora Aguilar never had much interest in fashion (not including her ability to rattle off all the shades of black), so choosing which clothes to leave behind and which to take with her wasn’t difficult.

Nor were the photographs. There was one on her nightstand of Castora at her sixth birthday party. Her mother on her right; her father on the left. She had studied it many times. She was brunette then, and without the dark determination to burn herself up into brilliance. Her father had the look she had now in his eyes in that photo - Castora could see the practiced joy, his skillful farce at loving fatherhood. If memory served, Arturo Aguilar left right after the candles were blown for “work”. Castora’s mother pretended not to mind.

But Castora could not be fooled by her mother even then. Perhaps this was the downfall of being an only child raised by a single fool of a mother in a beautiful city teeming with love, and lust, and horror - having too much time to think. Having too much time to dream of being a part of Verona’s chaos.

Castora picked up the photo in one hand, considering whether or not to take it with her. Maybe she would take her lighter to it and make it cinder. It’d be an accurate representation of her family - far more real than that ugly photograph. And besides, she had some photos of her with Ramona (and was certain Ramona has some as well) so the sentimentality felt useless. Weak. Like her mother. The Aguilar woman ignored the twinge of guilt that tugged at her heart - no, this is a test, she told herself: If you stop now, you’ll become her. A surge of fear replaced the guilt, you’ll become her you’ll become her ringing in her head like a deadly lullaby.

That restored her faith, and she dropped the photo back on her nightstand in disgust. “It’s for the best,” Castora told herself - the first words she had spoken aloud since she began packing.

“For you or for us?” Her mother lurked in the doorway. Castora left it open on purpose, as a test to see whether or not the woman would challenge her. She raised her head, looking at the woman in the eyes. They had the same golden eyes - earth-shattering when angry, devastating in the midst of tragedy. It made them stand out. They were the mark of gods - except Dolores Aguilar decided to lower herself to mortal. Castora decided to find that more tragic than her red-rimmed eyes and tear-streaked face.

She only sighed, “There is no us, mother. This is the best for me.”

“Cas, don’t be selfish.” You mean don’t be my father, right? Castora wanted to ask, but she even though she rejected love she could not reject this last sense of duty. As bitter as the daughter had become, she knew better than to speak his name under her roof.

“Don’t be him, Castora.” Apparently her mother would not give the same courtesy. “Please, if you love me do not…” The sobs came. She waited patiently for her mother to collect herself. “If you love me, do not go to them. Do not become a Montague!”

“Mother, I know this may be hard for you to believe, but this is not about love. And for fuck’s sake, it’s definitely not about him. This is about me. I want to be one of them. I want to be free. I want to be strong.”

“Where did I go wrong? My darling, darling girl.” Dolores reached out and cupped her daughter’s face. Castora spared her mother the pain of the answer, swallowing the resentment and rage that she did not even know why she felt. It had become a survival instinct. She was proud of that. And even if she wasn’t, Castora would convince herself of it.

“I’m going, mother. It’s out of your hands. Take this as an opportunity. Go back to school, get a better job, join a book club…I don’t know. Just try to fucking live, ok? It’ll probably be easier without me around.” No kid to worry about feeding, no constant reminder of him. Freeing her mother of her duty to love her would free her.

“You are my greatest love, Castora.” One final plea.

It’s not enough. “Then perhaps we shouldn’t love at all.”

Extras:

HEADCANONS

Since the Aguilar’s are part of the group of Montague families that “practically consider each other kinsman and blood,” I wonder what Castora and her mother’s relationship was with them after her father left. I think that sometimes some of the family’s would drop in and check on them (not in the “bring you a casserole uwu”, which Castora’s mother would have appreciated instead of them) because Castora is an Aguilar. Dolores Aguilar was always hesitant to accept help from them, or even their presence, and actively tried to keep Castora as far away from the Capulet’s and Montague’s as possible, but it only fed Castora’s fascination. These visitors, these “extended family”, all seemed so strong and brave and fearless. As opposed to her feeble mother. The only visitors she couldn’t keep denying were her uncle and therefore her cousin because family is family and her mother wanted someone who would understand/miss/love/hate her husband the same.

Castora has great respect for Alvise. After going to her uncle to join the Montague’s she spoke with Alvise and he sort of welcomed her into the ranks. Was it partly practical - to ensure a young girl’s loyalty to the cause because her father’s reputation? Sure. But Castora likes to think there was something more - a bit of kindness or compassion or honoring of her Aguilar blood, perhaps - but she can’t put her finger on it. She was horrified and devastated by Alvise’s death, even though she didn’t show it. Alvise’s acknowledgement of her meant the world (#givecastoravalidation2k17) and she deeply admired him, and perhaps wished her own father was more like him.

After her father left, his money stopped coming in too. Her father left her because he was too in lust with the dark side of Verona and never bothering to pay child support/alimony. Since he left when Castora was old enough to remember him and the change in her mother, I put it that he left when Castora was 8 years old. Before leaving, the family had a nice house in a decent neighborhood - exactly where her mother dreamed of living happily ever after and raising her daughter. After he left, her mother, a stay at home mom, struggled to find work. They were evicted and stayed with Castora’s uncle until they got on their feet. After, they moved to a small apartment and struggled financially until Castora was 14. It makes her relative security as a Montague soldier something that makes her even more loyal to the Montague’s.

Castora has not checked up on her mother since she left her to join the Montague’s. Not even a google search or walking by her last known residence or job. Not because she’s apathetic to her mother, but because the guilt would crush her. When she’s awake at 2:00am, she does like to think about how her mother’s doing - maybe Castora’s abandonment finally made her get her life together (by Castora’s standards) and it was the final nail in the coffin, driving her to drink and pills or something like that. All she knows is that her mother is still alive; if she died and the police found the body, Castora is next of kin.

She was raised Catholic and actually identifies as Catholic, even though most people would think she’s agnostic or an atheist. Castora’s just a severely lapsed Catholic and if you asked her why she still believes in God she would not be able to answer.

Castora is bisexual, but she’s equally scared of and hateful towards intimacy from all genders.

(NSFW, ish) She’s not afraid of sex though.

She tried fake nails once and absolutely despised them.

Castora takes after her mother in appearance. She’s naturally a brunette, but started dying her hair blonde because of that, even though she’s not the biggest fan of blonde hair (believing in the blonde = ditzy and blonde = Regina George stereotype). But at this point, she’s gotten so used to it that dying it another color, unless she had to go undercover, would be a hassle.

Her most listened to song (and her workout song) is “No Scrubs”

She is fluent in Russian and knows conversational German for business

Castora speaks Spanish fluently, but rarely speaks it.

Her full name is Castora Maria Cruz Aguilar after her father left, Castora didn’t want her mother to change her name but wanted her to do a power move and reclaim her identity as Dolores “Lola” Cruz not Signora Aguilar. Castora rarely mentions the Cruz part of her name to anyone. Also, I included the middle name “Maria” because it means bitterness and that’s appropriate for her character.

Castora is a smoker. Although she can go a day without a cigarette, around three is really pushing it. When she’s particularly anxious, she smokes more.

Someone has compared her to the Tinman from Wizard of Oz (but if she would give Broadway a chance, she would like Wicked)

Castora is wary of physical contact - like people who are too touchy-feely put her off and she’s so pent-up and reserved that natural physical contact is something of a mystery to her. I think about it like that time in Pride and Prejudice (2005) when Darcy held Elizabeth’s hand for 0.5 seconds and did the hand flex. One time, Ramona hugged her and it was the first time Castora felt love in a really long time. Also, the closest she came to crying in years.

Ramona is “her person” and the idea of her cousin one day no longer seeing Castora as “her person” is devastating to her.

I like the idea of Castora being a good troublemaker: she’s just as good at finding trouble as she is at getting herself out of it. Most of the time.

PERSONALITY TYPES

MBTI: ISTJ

Hogwarts House: Slytherin (although there can be an argument for Hufflepuff, but Castora values ambition more than fairness.)

Zodiac: Capricorn (born December 29th)

GRAPHIC + PLAYLIST: https://prosrpiina.tumblr.com/post/161906131131/a-thousand-tiny-paper-cuts-a-castora-aguilar And here’s the link to the quote i used in the graphic: x

#accepted #accepted: celia

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leodottavioleandrodottavio-blog · 5 years

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Leo Dottavio | Leandro Dottavio | Professional Athletes and also Eating Problems

Consuming concerns amongst athletes are both common and complex. While sporting activity can be a protective factor in motivating the professional athlete in caring well for the body, there are also sport-related risk variables that must be thought about. These include really felt pressure to conform the body to rigorous and also narrow criteria in order to enhance performance. When a worry regarding proper nourishment happens, a thorough team method, including trainers, trainers, therapists, doctors, and also dietician’s offers the athlete with the most effective possibility to retain task safely, or go back to sport reinforced as well as restored when withdrawal and/or treatment is necessary.

Sporting Activity Related Threat Variables

Numerous in sport believe that weight or body fat reduction enhances sport efficiency, therefore there can commonly be stress to drop weight. However, often unhealthy and dangerous eating actions may be encouraged for weight management. These actions a lot more typically damages efficiency instead of improve it. As a result of the concentrate on leanness in numerous sporting activities, professional athletes may establish affordable slimness with peers, and also may really feel extra pressure to reduce weight. This is referred to as the virus result and might include subcultural expectations to look a specific method, referred to as the "sport body suitable." One more issue, especially usual amongst female professional athletes, is the revealing nature of sporting activity attires, which subsequently boosts body picture problems. Individuals that take part in the Aesthetic/Lean/Judged sports, such as acrobatics, diving, and also figure skating, go to the greatest threat for undesirable body picture as well as consuming troubles. Even more, there appears to be a parallel in between "good athlete" attributes and consuming problem attributes, to make sure that coachable, perfectionist, and also certified athletes might be at higher danger for the advancement of eating issues. Ultimately, identification of consuming worries in sport is much more challenging as well as may postpone early intervention as well as treatment.

Figuring Out Of Balance Workout

There are numerous indicators that "unbalanced", "undesirable", "compulsive" or "destructive" exercise is taking place. Excessiveness can show up in regularity, duration, or strength of workout. Workout ought to be considered out of balance if: Workout continues despite disease or injury, Exercise disrupts well balanced activities and partnerships, Workout is inflexible: must exercise in a narrowly specified method or at a specific time, Workout is an inflexible commitment: need to happen despite any life scenario of higher importance, Exercise is the primary and also only means of handling tension, Exercise decrease causes withdrawal signs and symptoms such as: frustration, anxiousness, temper, insomnia, hunger modifications, feelings of sense of guilt, and so on

Leo Dottavio

. Unbalanced exercise can be observed in patterns of task as well as in patterns of exercise versus ideal nourishment to suffer the activity degree. Asking details questions regarding exercise can reveal patterns and also asking details questions about the physical, social, psychological, as well as psychological repercussions of exercise or otherwise working out can likewise shed light on unbalanced workout. It is not just outside or behaviour patterns which indicate "out of balance" workout, however additionally "interior" reactions and motives which brighten the deepness of potential troubles with exercise.

Exactly How Does One Know if a Professional Athlete is Fighting With a Consuming Condition?

When someone is struggling with an eating disorder, the signs and symptoms will certainly turn up in all areas of life: physical, social, mental, psychological, as well as spiritual. The signs and symptoms are simple and also most of them are visible, yet those experiencing consuming disorders are most often specialists at hiding their battles and also decreasing their symptoms. They have lots of reasons to maintain their battle trick. Professional athletes have additional motives in maintaining the health problem hidden, as they do not want their participation limited. Some eating condition symptoms and signs in an athlete are as follows: Activities suggesting demand for perfection, Low self-worth, which motivates requirement for success & perfection, Extreme level of sensitivity, Obsessive & uncontrollable actions, Over-achievement, Absence of self-esteem, Radical weight changes, Modifications in eating routines, Too much working out or over-training, Frequent trips to the shower room, Refusal to share sensations, Constant reasons, Lying, Chewing a lot of gum, Too much drinking of liquids, specifically diet plan beverages, Avoiding food or significant restriction, Shame feelings after consuming, Social isolation, Watching what others eat, Loss of rate of interest in delightful activities, Binge-eating with no weight gain, Comments regarding purging food or calories, Weak point, fainting, and so on, Red eyes, Calluses & sores on knuckles, Comparison of body, charm, etc., Remarks of body dissatisfaction or body disgust, Anxiety, Tendency to buy food in small and not enough amounts, Resolving other's problems, but overlooking one's very own, Avoiding any contention in any way, Self-harm or suicidal ideas, Putting on droopy clothing to conceal body, Preventing duty, Obsession with food, Defensiveness regarding food, weight, etc., Obsession with diet programs, calorie-counting, health foods, diet tablets, laxatives, etc

. Exactly how Do I Know if I am an Unbalanced Exerciser?

Do I work out at improper times or setups? Does workout adversely affect my connections? Do I work out in spite of ailment or injury? Does exercise negatively affect my mental or physical health and wellness? Does exercise hinder daily activities, such as work or college? Do I exercise in order to develop a power deficit despite regular or reduced weight? Do I really feel substantial anxiousness or regret if I don't exercise?

Effects of Unbalanced Exercise

The repercussions of unbalanced exercise can be serious. Effects include advancement of uncontrollable workout disorder, damaged equilibrium in life and ensuing decrease in general lifestyle, premature loss of job as an elite professional athlete, physical, skeletal, and internal organ damage, including cardiac arrest and death. These potential consequences outweigh the temporary consequence of potential and illusive fear of loss of "peak performance." Some of the many consequences of unbalanced exercise include the following: Decreased bone density (Osteopenia or Osteoporosis, depending on severity), Stress Fractures: Overuse injury that occurs when muscles are fatigued & unable to absorb added shock, which then transfer overloaded stress to the bone, resulting in a fracture, Hormonal Changes: Loss of menstrual period for females, low testosterone level for males, Recurrent injuries (Soft tissue strains), Decreased immunity (Intense exercise for extended periods of time decreases the strength of the auto-immune system), Overtraining Syndrome or Staleness (failure to make expected training gains), Female Athlete Triad: Low energy availability, menstrual irregularities, & bone loss, Dehydration, Heat Stroke, Hyponatremia - Potentially lethal cardiac events (Sudden Arrhythmia Death Syndrome, Prolonged QT Interval), Added stress when responsibilities & relationships are sacrificed for exercise, Depression, anxiety, irritability when exercise is sole coping behavior, Rationalize exercise for "health" when actually putting health at greater risk, Isolation or withdrawal due to exercise compulsion - Depression due to Overtraining Syndrome, Exercise to compensate for or legitimize eating, Exercise to maintain negative energy balance (despite hunger, intentionally eat less if unable to exercise), Increased risk of development of eating difficulties or eating disorders

Tips for Coaches in Protecting the Athlete From the Damage of Unbalanced Exercise

Leandro Dottavio

Coaches play a critical role in not only the performance of the athletes they coach, but in the general health and development of those under their tutelage and example. Their impact is on the "person," not just the "performance" The importance of development of character as an individual transcends the importance of performance as an athlete. With this great opportunity and power comes responsibility to watch out for the health and welfare of the athlete far beyond performance. That balance between "pushing the performance now" versus "longer term performace" and overall health is a fine line. To aid in this difficult yet rewarding responsibility, coaches may consider the following: Do pre-athletic screening exams for eating disorders, Focus on the whole athlete, not just athletic performance, Know that weight loss does not equal performance enhancement, Loss of menstruation is a sign of physical dysfunction, not a sign of effective training, Avoid comments and comparisons on weight, body image, and appearance, Focus on health, not weight, Know that quick weight loss results in loss of lean muscle which equals decreased performance, Don't be afraid to talk to an athlete about your concerns, Enlist support within the community (athletic trainers, sports psychologist, ED specialists, dietitians, physicians), Assure the struggling athlete gets professional help, Allow time for athletes to eat and hydrate, Don't encourage extra or excessive training or workout sessions, Don't allow sick or injured athletes to train or compete, Provide sound nutrition education, Don't encourage crash or fad diets in preparation for competition, Don't do body composition tests or group weigh-ins. These shame individuals!, Provide ongoing education; the coach's perspective has a critical impact on athletes' perceptions, Use common sense education; convey the seriousness of eating disorders without highlighting war stories, Don't glamorize eating disorders or place them on a pedestal, Address emotional, social, & physical aspects of eating disorders, Focus on sport-specific information (nutrition, sports performance, & body composition). Use your positive influence to nurture the athlete towards healthy living in addition to athletic performance.

Approaching an Athlete: What Not To Do

Don't confront the athlete in a group of people or in the presence of others, Don't be judgmental; don't tell the athlete that what he or she is doing is "sick" or "crazy", Don't follow the athlete in an effort to "catch" them in eating disorder behavior, Don't give advice about weight loss, exercising, or appearance beyond your own expertise in sport training, Don't label someone with an eating disorder because there are some signs. Leave that to diagnostic experts. Don't get into an argument or battle of wills, Don't promise to keep secrets, Don't try to police the athlete's eating or force the athlete to either eat or not eat, Don't let the athlete monopolize your time & energy, Don't try to fix the athlete's problems and don't attempt to help them by yourself. Expand the circle of support.

How to Approach the Athlete

Who: Who should approach the athlete when a potential eating or "over exercising" concern is identified? An individual in a position of authority as part of the Sport Management Team is best equipped to approach the athlete. The individual who has the best rapport and closest relationship with the athlete is ideally positioned to address concerns. A fellow teammate should NOT be the one to approach an athlete as there is no power behind the intervention, it may create a dependent relationship, and it could exacerbate an already competitive relationship or contribute to the development of a competitive relationship. Be prepared for a negative response, including denial, when first approaching an athlete with concerns.

When: As soon as an individual close to the athlete identifies a potential problem, based on the presence of a number of signs and symptoms. Early identification results in fewer and less severe complications, less resistance to treatment, and faster, easier, and more positive treatment outcome.

How: In approaching an athlete, express concern and ask how the athlete feels, both physically and psychologically. The athlete needs to know that people care and that others will not criticize or embarrass them. Focus on the athlete's well-being, and approach the athlete gently, with no accusations. Ask, rather than tell. Assess, rather than judge. One goal of intervention includes maximal sensitivity and minimal invasiveness.

Speak to the athlete privately and allow time to talk. Express your concern to the athlete and calmly share the specific observations that arouse your concern. Allow the athlete time to respond, and listen in a non-judgmental manner. Keep your focus on the concerns you have observed. If the information you receive suggests an eating disorder and/or excessive exercise, share with the athlete that a) you think the athlete may have a problem, and b) you are concerned about the athlete's health and well-being.

Be prepared to offer resources, including counseling, dietary, physician, and community referrals. Assist the athlete in making parents and other support systems aware of the concern.

Refusal of Treatment

It is imperative that the athlete be encouraged to accept treatment as soon as reasonably possible. However, sometimes despite best efforts, athletes may refuse treatment. If the athlete initially refuses treatment, don't push too hard unless you suspect the athlete is at risk medically. Make continued sport involvement contingent on the athlete seeking and complying with treatment and physical health. Allow the athlete to remain a part of the team by attending practices and competitions. Don't "kick the athlete off the team."

Suspension from the team is the last resort as the athlete may continue to train on their own, which may be more dangerous as there is no monitoring. Suspension may deprive the athlete of their primary source of positive feelings and self-esteem. The athlete may view suspension as an attempt by others to control, and thereby respond with frustration and increased resistance. If all attempts to persuade an athlete to evaluation and treatment fail, there is no alternative but suspension.

Enlisting a Support Network

The Sport Management Team has a responsibility to inform parents of concerns, ensure the athlete is seeking treatment, and use athletic participation as appropriate leverage for seeking treatment. Comprehensive Release of Information forms for the full treatment team (therapist, dietitian, physician, athletic trainer, coach) should be in place to ensure coordination of care.

#Leo Dottavio #Leandro Dottavio

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atlaswriting · 5 years

Text

Games—the word rings in my head—like some shitty version of Life where no one wins.

He scoffs, finishing his croissant, “Why are you suddenly defending her?” he questions, leaning back in the chair and crossing his arms over his chest, “When did you become the expert on Sylvia? You know nothing about her.”

My teeth find my lip and dig in. If only he knew, I think, as I bring my coffee to my lips and drink the warmth to quell the truth. Perhaps if I burn it out, it will disappear entirely. “I’m not saying I know her. All I’m saying is that things aren’t always what they seem. Some people put up a mask because what’s underneath is worse,” I’m no longer looking at Abram, the guilt radiates out of my pores and I’m afraid that the ragged bray of my heart will give me away. “Maybe Sylvia is afraid. Afraid of you—of what you two have. Things aren’t always what they appear to be.”

Silently, I chastise myself. The last thing I should be doing is giving Sylvia more power, not when I’m so close to taking it away. Instead of continuing I shrug, forcing my lips apart into a toothy grin, “I don’t know what I’m saying. I must have romantic movies on the brain. Forget it.”

Abram stares back at me; unmoving eyes that threaten to pull out all my secrets. I shift under his gaze and shake my head, “My mom isn’t always like that,” I start, changing the subject. Abram’s ever-present skepticism weighs heavily, “She and my aunt don’t get along—my papa had an affair with Anais’ mom, Mia. From what Anais’ told me she was a painter, spending most of her career restoring paintings in the Louvre,” I pick apart the croissant in front of me, deciding then to drop it in front of Abram who inhales it, “Papa fell in love with Mia, he was captivated by her—she was just like Anais, free as the wind. He was going to leave my grandmother but she wouldn’t allow him a divorce. Mia committed suicide a few years later and Anais came to live with them.”

I can’t contain the jealousy that seeps into my tone. Envy grows wicked around my throat at how easy it was for Mia to choose death, to curl into the darkness and get so lost reality becomes a memory—because that was better than living in her heartbreak.

“Cerise did her best to make him love her but she was exactly like her mother and for that he resented her,” I glance up at Abram, “it runs in my family. Being like our mother’s, I mean—it’s like a disease.”

I try to laugh but the air struggles to leave my throat.

“Do you want to go?” I ask before he has a chance to say anything I stand from the table and pull him out of the café.

We walk along the streets of Paris; I wrap my arm around Abram’s the cold seeping into his hoodie and sticking to my bones.

“Where are you taking me?”

“If I told you, that would ruin the surprise,” I tease.

We walk a few more minutes, Abram more than half holding me up. Between the cold and the heels, I’m a mess. But the lights are glaring and I can only look at him and smile.

“You brought me to a bridge?”

Rolling my eyes my tongue clicks against the roof of my mouth, “The most beautiful sight in Paris,” I stress, “prettier than the Eiffel Tower and less busy. It’s the Pont Alexandre III, it’s gorgeous and old—and everything I love about this place. It’s beautiful during the day but look at it,” I say admiring the architecture, the arch of the bridge—the large lights that decorate the white and gold, “it’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Yeah, me too.”

I tear my eyes away from the bridge, turning my attention toward Abram who hasn’t stopped looking at me. “Have you even taken a look at it?”

He grins, shaking head and turning his attention straight, “Okay—fine, it’s a pretty bridge. But have you seen the Zakim in Boston? That lights up.”

“You’re going to be the death of me. Come on.”

I pull him across the bridge, stopping in the middle between two light posts. The grand design captivates me, steals the breath inside of my lungs.

“I used to come up here when I was younger. I’d run away from my mother and she would always find me here,” I turn my body toward the bridge, placing my hands on the stone and pulling myself up. I lean over and Abram turns with a start, hands around my waist but I shake him off. “Before she’d find me, I used to stare down at the water and wonder how cold it was—how deep it was—how much it would hurt if I jumped,” leaning my head to the side I look down, the water is now covered in a thin sheet of ice, snow falling lazily on top, “I can swim though—but I always thought if I jumped, maybe I wouldn’t want to. Maybe my arms and my legs will forget how.”

“Elise.” Abram’s tone is hard, a warning.

I slip my heels off my feet and let them fall to the ground beside Abram. Standing, I stead myself by grabbing onto the post of a light and Abram follows, arms held out, he’s saying something but all I notice is his mouth moving, “I used to hope that if I jumped I would just disappear, be forgotten, a candle out too soon.” I toy with death, pointing one foot over the edge away from Abram, leaning against my other foot.

“Elise, get down.” He demands, fingers curling and uncurling just itching to reach up and grab me—but we both know that if he isn’t careful down I go—Alice into her Wonderland.

Biting my lip, I look back at him and smile, “It’s so easy, Abram,” there’s a manic happiness in my tone, unsettling and ugly, “It would be so easy.” I lean forward again but this time Abram makes his move. One hand wraps around my steady ankle while he reaches with his other to pull at the oversized hoodie, tugging me down into him.

“What is wrong with you, Elise?” Abram presses me against the stone, hands secured around my face, anger falls out of his mouth like tiny bullets, aiming for my chest—but my skin’s gone numb and though I don’t feel it now, I will later. “Why do you insist on looking at everything and everyone like we’re disposable? Jason, me, your life,” his body keeps me pinned to the bones of the bridges; unlike mine it is sturdy, dependable. Unlike mine, the slightest shake won’t raze it to the ground.

His grip loosens on my face just slightly but he doesn’t move any further away, his breath is hot and fast. My silence sends a comet of frustration hurdling into Abram’s chest and he releases me, moving away with a loud grunt.

I shrug as I pick up my heels, leaning over the edge of the walkway and hailing a cab. One stops and I side in, defiantly, Abram sits beside me.

“You may be nothing like your father, Abram,” I start, as the heat of the cab begins to de-thaw my senses, “but I’m everything like my mother. You’ll see it eventually.”

He doesn’t argue and I don’t expect him to. I watch as the city moves by in colorful blurs, the silence is inescapable until we reach home. Abram’s out first, rushing toward the front door as I pay the driver and follow suit.

Anais and my mother are sitting in the dark as soon as I find my way into the living room. My aunt presses her lips into a thin line when she notices me and excuses herself.

“Elise, asseyez-vous.”

I do as I’m told and sit across from her. My mother reaches over, hand stroking my cheek. It takes everything I have in me not to recoil from her touch.

“I’m sorry about earlier, mon cher. Work has me stressed. I was unaware you were in contact with Anais—you know how I feel about surprises,” I find myself nodding, “what you saw—what you think you saw—it wasn’t reality. Malachi didn’t cause these bruises, I got hurt at work.”

“I never took you for a klutz.” I argue.

Cerise shrugs, “Accidents happen. I would appreciate it if you treated Malachi with a little more respect, Elise. He’s going to be an important constant in our lives.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Slowly, she pulls herself to stand, hovering over me—like any good mirror, I mimic her, “I just mean he’s going to be around for a while.”

Cerise starts to leave, but then stops suddenly, “One more thing, cher, you’re beginning to look like a puppy, following that boy around, heart in your hands—waiting for him to give you scraps from his bed.”

Brows crease together and I cross my arms over my chest, “And what’s so wrong with that, mother?”

“If you aren’t careful you could lose everything.” The threat in her words is sharp.

“Maybe it’s worth it,” I challenge.

Cerise laughs, fingers reaching out to rub the fabric of my dress between them, “And what are you without…” she drops it and looks back up at me, “all of this?”

I wait for the devil to disappear back to Hell before my feet feel it’s safe to walk again. I allow them to carry me destinationless through the building. No longer am I surprised when they lead me back to Abram’s door. I’ve come to realize that my heart is a compass and Abram will always be my true North.

As I reach for the knob, my phone vibrates in the hoodie pocket.

Kai: I’m sorry I blocked you.

Kai: I’ve been thinking a lot. Talking to friends. This isn’t easy for me so I know it can’t be any easier for you. You can be careless when it comes to me, but I love you. I don’t think I’ll ever stop.

Kai: I’m sorry.

Kai: Forgive me?

My fingers linger terribly close to the knob but the sudden crack in my heart would put the liberty bell to shame. I pull my hand away quick and turn my back on the door, on Abram and on everything I thought I had wanted with him.

Nothing will change.

This isn’t a movie, I don’t get the boy.

Given the choice, Abram will always choose Sylvia.

Buried beneath plush blankets, scrubbed clean of my almost-death and mother’s touch, I look at my phone again and start to type the biggest lie I’ve ever told:

I don’t know if I love you anymore.

#thread: ablise #thread: all

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