#to make them nicer alkfjsa so that she doesn't have to pay someone to do this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

not-poignant · 5 months

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I hope you have a lovely day with lots of snacks

Tl;dr the day was not lovely but there might be snacks

I actually didn't have many snacks today but I'm about to make up with it with a couple of churros and dark chocolate dipped strawberries.

Today I...woke up and showered and replied to comments on AO3 for a while, and then I spent about 4 hours formatting documents into PDFs of varying sizes for Patreon and Ream and uploading chapter commentaries into compilations. And then I did more formatting stuff behind the scenes while I stared at all the other behind the scenes stuff I need to do and thought 'writing is a hard job' quietly and intensely.

I ate lunch while I was working. I also made some memes about how overwhelmed I felt, and then made some for my readers too, lol.

And then I laid down for about 4 hours because I also have chronic illness (whee) and I am constantly in pain and varying degrees of fatigue and I literally must lie down every afternoon so I don't collapse in the evening (literally) - and I did a tiny bit of reading (webtoon: Shutline (which I immediately realised I'd read before and didn't fondly remember), webtoon: December (didn't mind this)) and then dozed restlessly because it was 40C/104F today. I also edited a Tiktok art video in Adobe Premier Rush, but I haven't put it up yet, and I should really do that.

Got up and made ham and cucumber sandwiches for dinner, and watched Girl with the Dogs on YouTube while I ate, and a Smosh video.

Then did some more work and helped a friend with her work stuff, and then I watered the garden for 1.5 hours because *points tiredly to the heatwave* and stared balefully at the dark sky (you can't water during the day - it's literally a heatwave but also it's illegal here to water during the day) with its few stars because they'd set up a severe weather warning due to extreme winds in our specific area and it was dead AF and oppressive out there and it was just hot instead.

I watched a few Tiktoks while I watered.

When I hung the hose up back on the holder thingo, I sang to my plants: 'I hope you make the best out of the water I just gave you, you little fucks' like a sweet lullaby, and a person who I didn't know was outside next door because it was like 9pm and pitch black laughed softly and sweetly, like they didn't expect it, and felt kind of fond. I didn't know I had any nice neighbours on that side of the house, so I mostly just thought 'WHOOPS SHIT' and then felt too embarrassed to say anything.

And then I came back inside and replied to some asks (hi!) and am hopefully going to eat churro's soon and it's 10pm and so I'm probably going to do some more work and then I'm going to go to bed while I feel stressed about the work I haven't done (currently Palmarosa is the heart beating beneath my floorboards). I will probably keep reading December. It's okayish.

I don't know if I'd call today lovely, because I'm burnt out and I want to put up the Christmas decorations but it's 10pm and idk if I should start that because it tends to make me severely ill to do it for a few days.

I'm a little sad, a lot lonely, a little melancholic, a little grumpy, and a little very excited about churros and chocolate dipped strawberries. I resent days that are 'work and sleep' sometimes, especially during November. That's my fault. That's on me. I'm a mean and shitty boss to myself.

Gotta do something about this burnout at some point, because December is the worst month for my PTSD, but I also need to keep getting paid, because medical bills and food and stuff. So like...finding the balance there is a constant work in progress.

There were some lovely moments today:

That little laugh from the neighbour in the dark

The first yellow peach of the season

Doing tricks with my cat (who is trained) for treats

Making silly little memes

Helping a friend with work stuff

Replying to some amazing comments

Watching cute dogs

Feeling pretty accomplished at putting up those compilations on Patreon/Ream even if I'm not done yet.

I hope you're having a lovely day too, anon, with many snacks.

#asks and answers #personal #i have not had a lovely day in a while #a member of my family died suddenly this week #suddenly and unexpectedly #and within 12 hours #two other members of my family directly impacted by this death #had to evacuate due to the fires #and idk if they can go home yet #i don't think they can but the fire has at least been downgraded #i am burnt out and sad #yesterday between working on writing stuff #i photoshopped photos of my uncle for my mum #for the funeral home #to make them nicer alkfjsa so that she doesn't have to pay someone to do this #i might delete this later y'all this might be a little too real #but sometimes it doesn't hurt maybe for people to know i'm human #hell sometimes it doesn't hurt for *me* to remember i'm human dslkfjasd

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