#to be tormented by uncertainty forever. like 'the worst person you know just saved your life; what now' kinda thing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

marshmallowprotection · 9 months

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Heya! I was wondering if i could suggest a semi-specific request 😅😂

Could I request a scene where I reunite with Ray in VAE? I was thinking I could've been with him in Mint Eye and had a relationship with him - even though it is V's ending.

What happened to Magenta with the bomb shattered me, and that uncertainty about Ray was just 😖😖😖

I would miss him so, so much

Would he miss me as much too? He's everything to me 😅

After all the time V spends with him in his AE, would Ray still remember me? Would he be shocked that I remembered him? And still love him so much?

Aaah 🤧🤧

Skittish.

Tentative.

Frightened.

Those are the words Jihyun used to describe him at his worst. Even after years of trying to pull himself back together, there was nothing that could change the fact that he was forever scarred by what he'd done that day in Magenta. On the of losing everything, he thought it would be better to get rid of himself than it would be to join the rest of the believers in paradise.

What was life worth if everyone left him all over again?

That was how he felt for the longest time... his only regret being that he called you before the bomb went off. He didn't want to scare you with the truth of his actions, but that selfish part inside of his chest wanted you to know he loved you with everything his heart had and he would never love another soul like he loved you.

He thought you'd move on with your life, become happy as can be, and have everything he ever dreamed of.

In some ways... his love for you would carry on in your happiness. It was the only thing that brought him peace in those final moments, and yet, even so, he always yearned for more than that.

Maybe that was the most human thing about him. He always obeyed the rules given to him because they were an oath made in blood... like a tool or a puppet, but his love for you gave him a bleeding heart that made him feel alive. It was his love for you that kept him alive as long as it had. That's what he wanted to believe.

You were an angel unlike any other he'd ever met.

And maybe, just maybe, by the grace of your love... or just dumb luck, he survived that explosion. He suffered torment for weeks as the scars rattled his bones and fried his skin, but one thought never left his head. You. You were the singular thought that he both yearned for and dreamed would never come close to him again.

He hurt you in every sense of the word, and he couldn't bring himself to let go. It would've been better if he let you go. You could have a life with the RFA! You could enjoy everything the world had to offer and it would make him happy. As long as you had a life... a life you dreamed of... he knew nothing could ever dampen his dream. You were his true dream... his only dream, but he knew that he may never have you the way he wanted.

You would never look at him the way he looked at you... he would be a fool to think otherwise.

The light in your eyes saved him.

That was why he agreed to come with Jihyun to the party. He didn't want to go in the beginning. He only wanted to stay in the shadows... to erase himself until it was time to find his brother, but the thought of seeing your face one last time made him yearn to come along for... for what would probably be the last time he'd allow himself to see you in person.

He planned to stay in the crowd, hidden by the number of guests and patrons, and then he would retreat to the hotel to spare himself a lot of painful circumstance. Seeing you at the party, smiling, was meant to be enough for him.

If you were dancing with someone or thriving in a way that would've challenged his memory, it would've stung deep and made it hard to breathe, but... the risk was worth it. Even if you were in love with the world outside of him... and you found a reason to smile... he would be okay with that. He would have to be.

He just... needed to see your face one final time.

It had to be worth it.

You found him despite his desire to hide when Jihyun extended his hand to welcome the newest member to the RFA. He looked over at Jihyun, nerves eating away at his very soul, but a smile remained on Jihyun's face, as if beckoning him to task a risk. He stood there, like a deer in the headlights, unable to move or say a word as you stared at him.

Everything felt like it was moving in slow-motion.

His body was stuck.

Then, all at once, when he felt like he needed to run away, you leapt in his direction before his brother could—throwing your arms around him with a sob on your lips that sounded like—misery and hope all at once. He stood there, eyes wide and jaw-slacked, unable to say even a single word as Saeyoung embraced the two of you as well.

"Ray," you wept. You sounded like it hurt to lose him in the first place. He never thought you would miss him. "You're alive! I was afraid that I lost you forever! I can't believe you're here! You're here and breathing. Tell me it's not a dream...!"

"You're okay," sobbed his twin brother, his voice filled with just as much relief and pain that it felt otherworldly to someone like Ray. Years of his life were spent thinking he was nothing more than the nuisance he was taught to be, and now... just like Jihyun said many times in the past... his loved ones were telling what he thought was a pipe dream. "My baby brother, you're okay!"

Ray couldn't believe it.

Saeyoung missed him... truly.

You'd missed him... deeply.

Jihyun hadn't lied to him.

"I'm sorry," he croaked. The tears flooding his vision as he broke down for the first time in a very long time. "I'm sorry!"

#ask #anon #mod kait #drabble #vae ray #mystic messenger #mm #mysme #mysticmessenger #ray #ray choi #choi ray #ray mm #ray mystic messenger #ray mysme #mm ray #mysme ray #mystic messenger ray

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