thinking about my post on fire and the levels of mistreatment that mulder accepts and how 1,000% on purpose it is as a result of being blamed for samantha’s abduction since childhood. and how that was the point of making him feel responsible for her disappearance in the first place.

when CSM said “i created mulder” it rings true in many ways, but perhaps the most sinister is the joint effort to break down someone he watched play outside the summer house as a child, someone who was once the 1-year-old whose first words they laughed over, into someone who could be the kind of hero and foil that he craves for his own story.

it’s why CSM gave him scully, took her away, gave her back again. gave her a terminal illness, let it kill almost all of her, then healed her for no reason other than to beg belief in his miracles.

it’s the reason why mulder was left home alone “in charge” that night and the reason why 20 years later his father said “do you realize what this will do to your mother?” and watched him sob apologies.

it’s the reason why he doesn’t flinch when his mother hits him and he doesn’t flinch away from the empty relationships with women who are just like her and he doesn’t own a bed. it’s the reason why he runs in front of cars and into suicide missions on military facilities and jumps onto trains with bombs on them. it’s the reason why he can’t do anything more with scully than kiss her cheek on her deathbed.

because you might not be able to kill one man’s religion without turning it into a crusade, but you can make sure he never belongs anywhere further than at your feet.