#this is what isolation has done to me
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...K this is going to sound completely out of the blue, but this has been haunting me today —
#I have found a few things while googling but my results are inconclusive! <-(this might be because i am operating with very few braincells)#Has he ever consumed a fly on screen in any show or movie? Like#fully???#sidenote but this burning question has led me to the discovery that there is an entire wiki section titled 'MUPPETS EATING OTHER MUPPETS'#...anyway do not be concerned my brain is just in a weird headspace because I haven't properly left my room since thursday morning lol#and obviously i'm going to stay isolated until i'm better!#in the meantime I will have muppet thoughts apparently#hmmm muppet au#...oh god. has anyone done a 'bsd where everything is the same but Dazai is a muppet'?#because that would be glorious#or wait#going by muppet movie logic I guess it would have to be one human with an entire cast of muppets so —#who would the human be???#oh no oh NO hold on wait—#what if all ability users are muppets#and Dazai's ability is 'NO LONGER MUPPET' and he can poke people and turn them into full humans#HELP#senhart rambles#polls#i do not know what else to tag this with so i simply shall not
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and another thing about qijiu is like -
anytime shen (jiu) qingqiu gets into an "altercation" its like:
yqy, thinking: what happened? i need to know from him what happened so i can protect him from the consequences, no matter what it was and no matter how much he might be blamed. and what would have happened if i wasn't there to do so? before, he paid the price for things that were my fault, and last time i left him- (guilt spiral, etc.)
yqy aloud: what did you do?
shen jiu, hearing this, thinking: he thinks i'd do that? how low is his opinion of me really? does he truly think there are no depths to which i wouldn't sink? and i thought it couldn't be lower. so quick to blame me and ignore anyone else's part in this. so quick to distance himself from his sordid past.
shen jiu, aloud: i'm sure it makes no difference to you.
choose your fighter: yqy's unconditional devotion and inability to communicate vs. shen jiu's self-loathing making him interpret it as disinterest and blame (and also his inability to communicate)
#svsss#shen jiu#yue qingyuan#qijiu#and the worst (best) part of this all is that if they could actually have a conversation where they communicate this#shen jiu would probably be really into the unconditional devotion thing#for someone who feels so isolated and unloved#to be told no matter how deep a hole he finds himself in or how he got there yqy will still care is like. a fundamental change in worldview#(though i think sj's self-loathing might first lead him to think that there SHOULD be conditions to caring about him)#(which ofc leads to more 79 conflict)#and weve also seen that generally if sj orders him to not do something yqy follows that directive#so this could work out so well#BUT because 79 is 79 this is basically impossible#if they actually had a conversation about this it would be more like#yqy: i want to know from qingqiu what happened.#sj: so you think i'm the kind of person that would do all of this? is your opinion of me that low?#yqy: no! what shidi has done doesn't matter#sj: it doesn't matter? i see.#sj: sect leader must act as censure for the entire sect. perhaps he might speak to the other involved party next time.#yqy: ...this one has failed you.#and then sj leaves the conversation thinking yqy's a liar and a hypocrite#and yqy leaves subsumed in even more guilt#and then when yqy changes his behavior and doesnt ask/blame sj immediately after an incident#sj is like: oh. he doesn't care? he's given up? he's really distancing himself now.#[rattles the bars of my cage] 79 MAKE ME INSANE#miscommunication as the basis for conflict can be annoying but 79 does it perfectly#as the miscommunication is based on differing inherent ways of understanding/interacting with others#and can absolutely not be solved in a single conversation#anyways sorry for the tags being longer than the actual post
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you ever just think about. “You are diseased, albeit a disease of our own making. No more.” you ever just. oh, they made him and they discarded him. it’s never going to be quiet again for him, and that’s just collateral. they let the sound rot through his whole life, his whole timeline. because that’s the kind of easy sacrifice you can make when you want to save yourself above everything else, one that doesn’t ask anything of you. you dig open a child’s mind and you bury your survival inside him and when he follows the noise back home, when he does exactly what you groomed him for, you call him ruined for it. that’s. you ever just think about that.
#it’s genuinely such a horrifying sixkening thing that they unveil. what was done to the master.#and it’s like. it’s so important that he is awful. he really is. but he still does not deserve to have had this done to him.#the drums are a tragedy that cannot. would not. be a punishment earned no matter how terrible he is.#they’re such a violation of his mind. isolating and constant and violent. and it drives me insane that this is just. in the show. okay cool#ill never be normal again.#they literally pulled his head open. during a ceremony that we. as far as i know. have to assume is not exactly voluntary. and is at the#best of times. already traumatic and horrifying. but they went into that moment and they put the drums in his head and they made him into#something repulsive to them. because they did that to him! in this thing alone the master had no agency and no way out and this thing that#was done *to* him is what makes him. to them. a broken thing now past its usefulness now that he’s done what they wanted him to.#sorry im rotating him in my head again and again. this is the thing that makes him ‘diseased’. it’s that they chose to do this to him. there#is nothing he could do to not be this. he was a child and there was nothing he could do to stop it from happening. he’s an adult and he’s#doing the impossible exactly like they shaped him to do and he can’t stop this from having happened to him. so he might as well follow the#drums. and then. and then rassilon calls him diseased. and im going to. lose it.#there was nothing he could have done…………..#everywhere else he has choices to make and he can burn the world and keep it as a toy and he can fuck with the doctor and he can do.#anything. anything he wants. but he can’t. there’s nothing he can do to make it stop. there’s nothing he can do to make it so this never#happened to him. and i am spinning in circles here do u see why he makes me insane.#and the doctor doesn’t even really fucking believe him that the drums are real until the master makes him listen……. oh im going to be ill.#doctor who#simm!master#the master
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marty hart's cyclical return to praising family as THE thing that keeps a man grounded, stable, and happy (specifically in pointing out that rust DOESN'T have a family) even as flashbacks show him spiraling into jealous macho violence as he lies to, mistreats, and destroys his family over the course of multiple affairs (by which he deliberately steps outside of and away from his family despite his wife's best efforts to get him to reconnect and step up to be the family man he sees himself as)
vs
rust cohle's repeated excoriations of the idea of individuality and personhood and the stupid self-centeredness and entitlement that comes with saying "I, a human being, matter to the universe, and the things I do matter", an ideology he carries for years and waxes poetic on for his interviewers as late as 2012, even as he obsessively works himself to the bone to get justice and resolution for the victims he's assigned and ultimately to protect children from the powerful and dangerous people who want to brutalize them
#true detective#so what if it all goes back to Melville and Milch. every great character spins against the way he drives#I know this is the point of their characters I know other people have said it before and better#but I go through it every time and this time Marty is hitting me extra hard. bc with Rust it's basically screaming in your face#Rust says humanity (without exception) is stupid selfish and vain and we're fools to convince ourself our actions matter#he then proceeds to take a job where everything he does matters SO MUCH. and to CARE about that job deeply and obsessively#but Marty... I've really noticed this time how Maggie calls him a coward multiple times in her efforts to pull him back to his family#and she's right because he's too much of a coward to face that gaining the sainted ''family'' hasn't fixed him!#it hasn't made him stop wanting to fuck other women#it hasn't made him the household hero the perfect father and husband the savior of the women in his life#he thought it would and when it doesn't live up to the fantasy he checks out completely#and even in 2012 when his marriage has fallen apart! he still lauds marriage and family as the thing that makes a man good!#despite all the evidence in front of him that he became WORSE after becoming a husband and father. he can't let the ideal go#he has good intentions at his core but he's obsessed with the idea of being a good ol boy and a family man#he shits on Rust for being isolated because he's scared to face the idea that he-- Marty-- would have done less damage on his own#sorry for the tag novel they make me want to bite. and knock their stupid empty heads together really hard#btw this show would be 75% less effective if they had not filmed on location. big brain move thank God for the TD S1 location scouts
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heartbreaking….. realized i gotta deal with a pretty serious plothole i made with my au
#ok so i got ivys designs done and i was hoping yo have her bio and such out by tonight so she can match star flower#but……… man i have to change her ENTIRE motivation for feeling envious of dovepaw#like shes still got a good excuse to get into the dark forest but its critical to me to have the sisters be torn apart by the clan at least#before this#this is bc of the rules in my au where all thr forbidden romance kits get powers. shes a forbidden romance kit so shes also gotta have power#powers#idk what those powers are rn tho but shes gotta have em#but if she has them then well….. lionblaze and jayfeather should have also reached out to her. theres no reason to isolate dove#and thats a huge part of the tragedy. that alllll these different factors are at play#razorverse
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Today I'm ruminating on Lena's oh so important relationship with the Blackwatch boys. Cole and Genji being the closest to her in age, aside from Angela maybe, Lena being the last of the child soldiers that Overwatch recruited for the strike teams. Them watching the cycle repeat one more time with the plucky pilot that's been flying since she was 12, and a soldier since 16, recruited on for one hopeless mission. How she looked up to them so much to guide her in the right direction, how she latched onto them as confidantes and family moreso than other members of the team. Overwatch thrust her into the spotlight, with her name and picture slapped across every picture until Tracer became the persona that everyone looked to, but with Cole and Genji she could just be Lena. She missed being Lena.
#( ooc. )#this is so inarticulate but so important to me#canon has them like 10 years older than lena but the pictures all look 4-5 years and this is my character not blizz.ards#so my canon in my head is that they're like 4-5 years older watching her go through the same stuff they did#but pushed onto a global stage#i think once she got past genji's walls she really leaned on him to process the accelerator and what was done to her to save her life#obvi their situations were different - she gave consent when he never had rhe opportunity to#but fundemantally something has *changed* about her and for someone that go so far on her own ability#the accelerator was a long process to understand and accept#angela too would be similar in age but unfortunately for her Lena has a deep fear of doctors#esp early on#what with the “scientific marvel” and discussions on how to study her n all#while i dont think angela would be on their side when those conversations were happening#it wouldnt matter#you had a white coat and you were dead to Lena trapped in her little fishbowl of an isolation tank#( headcanon. )#ask to tag
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If you were truly an abandoned project like you say. You wouldn't care so much. Even in your comic you mention you being worse for "the next person" you already are thinking of another person. That's not a bad thing. You're young. And by God you have some fire in you. I hope you become happier with yourself. I hope good things happen to you and the people around you will cheer for it. -💛🦭
thank u... im actually flopping between it rn... though i know i dont have the actual power to decide to be done with it, bc life is full of unexpected events, and i am young, but my line of thinking was, well because it would be so much more of a hassle for a next person, its best to just remove that hassle from the "market" completely lol...
but its out of my hands in either direction. i already wasnt expecting much as just the one time was such a rarity. now its just made the whole ordeal much much more difficult for all parties...aroo...anyway thanks again
#skunk mail#Anonymous#ykwim...i keep wanting to make ''good luck getting in now !'' jokes but they dont work#because well who's even going to bother. took long enough the first time#and also because what a gross thing to say and assume. that anybody would deal with me. ykwim...#and FINALLY because even despite being so sucks ive come out of this even more unrealistically picky despite already#having severely limited options. like ok man have fun with that.#best to just continue to isolate until i can fix myself which has been set back a LOT after recent events#this isnt fantasy romance nobody is going to be patient with me. i have to do it alone and the work will never be done. so...why bother#hope tht makes sense...!#i keep climbing out of the pit and convincing myself i do deserve it! i am kind i am loving im so good at loving#but i fall back into it bc the issues outweigh all of it. all of it. too much bad in me
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reading springfest now after everything in nagazora is making me crave more fu hua and mei interactions. i feel like thus far in my go through, i've never actually seen them interact, but it's kinda fun that the person who made the recommended reading order put springfest after nagazora (though of course this is probably in preparation for whatevers going on with senti/fu hua rn in ch 19)
but the way that the empyrea isolates herself so she doesn't have any attachment to those who she will outlive and how she winds up becoming lonely as a result threw me back to mei isolating herself in world serpent so that she can protect kiana and just... idk..... i think the two talk about that isolation would be interesting
also. i love fu hua. she's still at the top of my list for best character so i'm just a happy little guy getting more fu hua content now in the story :> yippee fu hua
#idk who to ramble to about honkai so hi#avil plays hi3#ill probably liveblog my thoughts as i read through springfest and UH#blade of the empyrean!#but im excited :> then after that i gotta go through the 7 blades visual novel ^7^ that one has sushang!! i havent met her in the game yet#but i do have her !!!#its kinda interesting though because sushangs ultimate in hi3 is yanqing's ultimate in hsr. or i guess yanqing as a boss???#idk. so im like HMMMMMMMM WHATS UP THERE WHATS GOING ON#i wonder if theres a character sorter for hi3 actually#if i had to say who my top 5 are atm for honkai#its probably like fu hua mei kiana kevin and sakura ???#kiana is so easy. like if i loved oz vessalius how could i NOT love kiana we sure love vessel characters LJSHDFLASKDHFLAKSH#maybe its also recency effect though for mei but also. characters who isolate thinking that its the best htey could do to protect#like NO YOU IDIOT GET LOVED!!!!! GET L O V E D#they kinda get me#AND WELT I FORGOT WELT HOW COULD I DO THAT......#i feel like welt over kevin tbh#but thats super hard to say on my end alkdjfha#YOU KNOW i wouldve also said rita because i think rita is so fun#but i still dotn know enough about her#but personality wise i think shes so funny in a very stereotypical anime villain esque way LOL#also she is so catty too like what was she doing picking a fight with natasha LKAJHDLAFKJSDFH#OH I ALSO LOVE RITA AND NATASHA...#tbh i havent run into a character that i absolutely Hate in honkai yet....#at least not that i remember#if i hated them i probably forgot about them LMAOOOOO#like even durandal? i love durandal in the manga. she doesnt really stand out to me MUCH yet in the game but i loved her a lot in the manga#but for me durandal is low on the list for now. but that doesnt mean i dislike her i think shes cool but just hasnt done anything in#particular that caught my attention yet alskjdfahl#rambling WHOOPS ASLKJDFA
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the bar for "revolutionary" webhorror is so low. what happened
#god lord im so sick of itttttttt ToT#if you dont know analogue horror is on is deathbed and now ppl are onto ''digital horror''#which is the same thing except using digital mediums instead of analogue (like the internet instead of vhs)#and i do mean the same thing lol nothing has changed#not the conventions of storytelling not the limitations of the medium not the types of scares it presents#the only thing that has changed is the aesthetic. and that is unbelievably sad#if youre going to do a horror series based in the internet then why not.... actually use the medium of the internet for horror#theres so many scary things about the internet (esp early internet!!!!!) and yet no one is using that for their series#just the same old ''missing children's spirit communicating through tape oops i mean the website :)'' like cmon man.... :(#why not use things like viruses or the sudden connection to any and everyone through the internet or early hoaxes/creepy ads#lack of regulation on the early internet or the isolating/uncanny aesthetics of old hardware (kid me was so scared of computers lol)#or literally anything else that is DIRECTLY CONNECTED TO THE MEDIUM YOUR SERIES IS BASED ON#does anyone else on earth care about this or am i just picky??? hello???#i just want smth that leaves a genuine impact. i just want a series that feels like smth thats never been done before#i just want webhorror that knows what it wants to be and fits neatly into the confines of its medium#petscop felt like a real videogame. it felt like smth i could see in an ''obscure ps1 games youve never heard about!!'' video#it had a will they wont they about whether or not the game was actually talking to paul (through ghosts or other users etc)#but it was never in your face and it was left just vague enough that instead of breaking immersion it sucked you in even more#paul felt like a real person playing a real game and experiencing genuine fear and obsession alongside the audience#there was never a point where the screen started turning red and pauls voice became distorted and ''scary'' while creepy imagery popped up#bc petscop works entirely within the limitations of a man playing a videogame. no more no less#thats the kind of dedication to the medium that i want!!!!!!#i only critique webhorror so much bc its my favourite type of horror and i want it to improve
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Size difference.png (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#ZEX#Crackship#Teisel#Meme#I am on a roll with these lol#I knew adding Teisel to my list was only a matter of time#I am a weakwilled individual with one fatal flaw#Anyway (lol)#ZEX really has his work cut out for him with Teisel haha - it's very fortunate he's so determined and enjoys a challenge 'cause otherwise!#Teisel is hard to pin down - I mean Other Than That lol - he's an interesting guy :0#Rough around the edges and a family man ♪ And if I get to draw long hair and big muscles then all the better hehe#And he has a cute nose! He has the bridge of the nose thing that I like so much!! Yes!!#As for the rest of him - hm! I've only had passing thoughts up to this point and getting into his head is...Something lol#It's well done to be certain it definitely Makes Me Feel it's just hard to ascribe a name to that Feeling just yet#Needs a bit more time to tumble smooth I suppose lol#One thing I know I like because it makes me sad - lol - is ZEX projecting some of his feelings about DAX onto Teisel - unexpected!#It's extremely interesting how despite his deep abiding love and fascination with Otherness he's gotten increasingly homesick#Finding things charming about humans that remind him of VUX! You can tell he's a bit desperate for the familiar :'0#So isolated from even himself ah 💔 Hang in there ZEX!#At least he has some fun distractions hehe ♪ New things to learn and consider! Teisel keeps throwing him curveballs!#Both of them circling each other like ''? Isn't it your turn?'' lol#They both come off as aggressive in their own way and then swing-and-a-miss lol#And then there's how Teisel frames him as far as age goes - or really how everyone does pffft#It is So funny to me every time anyone refer to ZEX as ''old'' now that his age has been more or less established - at least pointed at#The fact that he might not even be in his human-equivalent 50s what is this who this lol he's not old! And Max /definitely/ isn't haha#He is the slightest itty-bittiest willowiest little twink y'ever did see pfft#I have been waiting to use that meme template for someone for ages I am so glad that I finally got the chance ♪
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I feel like such a broken fucking person lol
I talked way too much in the tags don't read them
#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!!#been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust#i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short#i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways#i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and#i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc#we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk.#i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus#t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do#n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on#being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it#I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her#like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky#i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up#i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on#like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything#idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions#today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others#i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day#rAMbles
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when i was 12 this was the coolest most mindblowing shit ever i was genuinely so obsessed with it I'd read it very day like the bible. I would die for a version of this with the post 3D world content over my country
#i hve vs super mario bros on my switch bc i wanted to chronologically play through the storied hero timeline and i couldnt find a rom#I think it has the same appeal as spid.erverse kinda except instead of multiple different people filling the same role as sp.iderman its#the same guy it's still mario but the changes come from things going differently at certain points in his life do you GET ME!!#LIKE!!!!!!!! MOST OF IT'S DETERMINED BY WHAT HAPPENS IN YOSHIS ISLAND AND THERES ALTERNATIVE PATHS IF HE WINS OR FAILS!!! GAME OVERS HAVE#CONSEQUENCES THAT BRANCH INTO THEIR OWN TIMELINES MARIO CAN END UP WITH DIFFERENT PARENTS ITS SO COOLLLLLL#and i love how each of the major branches has their own theme like “action hero” is the one with all the gameplay-focused#mainline titles “storied hero” is the one with all the M&L rpgs and more plot-heavier stuff and “blue collar hero” is this third one#with all the donkey kong titles and wackier/arcade titles WHERE i might add his design had a blue shirt and red overalls#and the tl builds off of those games into nsmb so i like to hc that he kept his early 80s design well into the later games <-autistic sorry#AND how thetimelines represent how their different backstories have influenced their personalities and thought processes a little like#what happened to mario in the blue collar branch like he either becomes EVILL!!!! and kidnaps donkey kong leading to dkjr or#divorces peach and has a self isolation arc after nsmb2 whats going on w him...#and i LOVE how all of them have a sort of common event where bowser invades the mushroom kingdom and in each timeline its#represented by a different variation of the original super mario bros game with action hero's event being represented by smb itself#which is fitting since thats the branch where mario and luigi ended up with their intended parents and everything went as planned#and i think a general theme here is that the more things go against intention the sillier it gets dont even get me STARTED on the time#travel shenanigans in bottom right which lead into the handheld remakes i love this so much its unreal#i do wish paper mario wasnt explained away as a dream but like thats its whole other world and art style and itd be difficult#to fit it into one of the major branches so i get why it was done. i probably wouldve just given it its own isolated bubble in the corner#at that rate i probably wouldve added so much more shit to the main tl im talking game&watch games i look at this and i see a pitch#for a full feature length autism production you understand
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#I get tired of people trying to explain what lens I should view the world through; what way I could think that would make everything better#forgive me but I don't care; I do what I do and I do what I can and you don't see the work I do under the hood#I don't want advice on self validation or whatever; I want... I want someone to hold a mirror up so I can actually see myself#by which I mean I want input on how I'm doing; if it's good enough; if it's worth anything; if anything I make is good#everyone things I'm nice; everyone has always thought I'm nice#but given nice leaves me profoundly isolated I don't think I care#not to mention in my opinion what nice in this instance means is that I'm capable of listening#it's mostly that I have manners rather than some quality about me#I'm well behaved and polite and can listen; and that's perceived as nice or even sweet#and it's not like I'm offended by people seeing me that way; but maybe you can get why... I can't do anything with that information#but if I'm doing enough... if I provide any value to the world... I might have heard that less times in my life than years I've lived#that's where I'm totally blind#people don't tend to offer any input; and also people don't tend to let me know what they're thinking#and I in fact am not a mind reader; I can often accurately infer things; but no of that means a thing till it's confirmed#and... well... hopefully no one reads the stupid shit I say and especially not the tags so this is safe and hidden#but truthfully people just like to hear that stuff they're doing is wanted and matters#and I do not#I don't know... gotta go do more cleaning cause I need to#and I have no idea if... I've got a reason for fighting so hard to clean; but I get very little input so... I expect... well...#and thankfully I don't think they read my tags so I can say this#but I really expect they won't take me up on my offer to come out here and get away from their parents; so there will be no pay off#not that I blame them in the slightest... it's just the only possible pay off for this cleaning would be helping someone I like out#and a scrap of company#but then again... in many ways anyone coming out to live with me is the worst thing they could probably do#sorry... I have a rather bleak outlook on many things surrounding myself purely cause of what I infer from the past#there is never pay off; only more shit I need to get done#I will never be loved; I will never be wanted; I will always just kinda be an afterthought that's occasionally worth venting to#no one will ever be particularly interested in anything I'm interested while I'll chase their interests or at least try to#certainly let them talk about them when they want#...though I take that over my normal total isolation... better to at least be permitted to follow in someone's shadow than have nothing
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kinda insane how bigotry infects everything. i still dont feel good checking out the campus lgbt group despite being a senior now bc of the passive aggressive lesbophobia i got earlier
#like refusing to hand out lesbian pins and when we’d ask theyd kinda scoff and go ‘’why do you need it? just take the rainbow’’#(but ofc incorporating the blue flag asap)#not hosting any sapphic events for a while and ignoring our voices#refusing to put up our flag in the room and when they finally did it was half assed#i remember one time we had an event and the person hosting was like ‘’haha i can make custom badges!!’’#and there was a long line for lesbian badges. bc they had none. and the person was all flustered#like ‘’oh i didnt think thered be THAT many of you…. we dont have too many buttons sorryyyyyy’’#tbf it does seem like the lesbophobes graduated and whoever took their place has been better and got the pins in and has been better#but even in the groups they held there was just unchallenged lesbophobia like one girl constantly being passive aggressive#and mocking lesbians and saying ‘’i shouldnt be here bc im a filthy man liker ig. dont comfort me i know how you REALLY feel’’#and thats not even speaking towards how rude the previous leader was to me asking for an interview for the newspaper on discord#saying i shouldnt even have to bc ‘’people can just look up what ive done on the site so are you implying i didnt do enough?’’#which tbf i got an apology for but i was already dealing w anxiety and being iced out when id try to join in#like man i hope they keep trying to do better. do better for the ppl who come after me#but it was seriously so disappointing and isolating#echoed voice
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we are not the same you believe in god and religion and love and happiness and prosperity and me? i drank bournvita and ate a biscuit first thing in the morning to tell god im still upset with him for never answering my prayers since i was 10 years old
#i think that's what the problem is the absence of faith it makes me feel so different isolated from everyone else#i mean. how could you let this happen to me? to us? my mom has always believed in you if not for me you could have done something for her#you could have made her happy#if you're real you definitely don't care about us
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#i finished binging the she-ra show#and it was fine? this is what people are so angry about?#i think catra's redemption was well setup and made sense#and while i still like the catra adora romance i wish there was like... more of it#here are some gripes i have tho#1) glimmer's decision at the end of s4 feels like it has no consequences#like for starters i'm annoyed that the issue ended being incredibly black or white and it zapped out the nuance of the respective decisions#but she's like alright i was completely wrong and after bow forgives her it's like... ok surely more people would have Opinions about this?#but no they don't. missed opportunity#but the problem in shows like these (idk if it's different outside western animation) is that there's no budget to deal with--#--cities and kingdoms having people. which makes them feel like shells that have little substance beyond being a narrative device#and yes everything in a show/piece of media IS a narrative device but you know. you gotta hide that. that's the beauty of media#but like... there's a universe where glimmer's subjects saw the consequences of her actions and rose against her. that woulda been fun!#2) adora's conflict in the finale of ohhh i have to Fulfill my Destiny(TM) comes so out of nowhere. esp when she had been against the--#--whole destiny angle for the previous four seasons. suddenly she's burdened with it and it's clear that it's a way to isolate adora#but it's SO sloppily done and there's no buildup to it#and 3) woulda like if they did more with the first ones. there's a lot of potential there and maybe a more natural way of isolate adora#like have her have this crisis of 'there's no one here who can fully understand me' and i thought that was what they'd do with the--#--cat creature they introduce in S5? but just ends up being catra's magic animal sidekick#idk there was a lot there to investigate. bow's dad could've been a good resource to make that happen too#uhhh that's it mostly?#at the end of the day this kind of western animated shows feel so pandering to kids. very formulaic and simple#tho i do respect that the show followed through the worst outcome in almost every occasion#(that's why catra compells me.... talk about a character who makes the worst decision at every point. she's just like me fr fr)#but yeah it was cute#i also like how bisexual the show felt at all times (except the ending where they were like ok monogamy is the goal but eh)#cute show. fun characters. easy 7/10#catradora good#not great but eh#no show can give me compelling couples to obsess over (except for skam españa i guess)
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