Happy tdov to fat trans people. 🏳️‍⚧️ Biggest thing that helped me as a trans kid was seeing older fat trans people. There were a lot of really irritating "advice" posts going around early in my time on the internet with a lot of misinformation in them, but one that I constantly saw (in addition to people claiming you should wear your pants rediculously low or only wear button ups) were posts saying you had to lose weight to transition. Can confidently confirm that is completely untrue. 👍

troy and abed in the morning !!

sky and wars!!! :)

BUT WHO HAD THE HAIR DYE STOCKED AT THEIR PENTHOUSE, DANIEL???

Just finished rereading the first Bartimaeus book and yeah, yeah, I can see why I loved these books so much as a child :>

I feel like these illustrations aren't 100% faithful to the source material but maybe they're how Bart wished things happened, you know??

Question abt drawing: been trying to attempt learning how to draw forever but I always have trouble getting over the obstacle of having to learn/study things like anatomy and shading, which then causes me to stop drawing and have a harder time picking it back up. I know it's important for improving your art and yourself as an artist but I can't help but see it as tedious and overwhelming, especially the anatomy since it's more on the science side of things and science is not my thing lol. Do you have any advice on how to get over it or work thru it?

i think there's a couple facets to this question. firstly i'd recommend you consider what exactly your end goal is in learning how to draw: do you specifically want to be able to produce anatomically accurate figures and true-to-life shading, or do you just want to be able to make something for fun that looks good to you? one of the most helpful things I ever learned at art school was that accuracy doesn't matter if it looks good. 99% of my art isn't strictly anatomically accurate, and part of that is stylization, but even when i'm doing realistic figure drawings i like to lengthen limbs and exaggerate curves in order to make my drawings look better. So if your only real goal with art is to make something that looks good and enjoy the process, my first piece of advice would be to stop worrying so much about stuff like perfect accuracy! if you use references and keep pushing yourself, the skill and understanding you're looking for will come naturally with time. before I was ever classically trained, I got pretty far just by drawing my favorite characters in different poses and situations over and over again, and that experience laid the groundwork for when classical training did become available to me. Just because you're not necessarily doing serious figure studies doesn't mean you're not getting valuable practice--what it means is that you're having FUN while you're practicing, and having fun with your art is the most important thing!!!

Secondly, you mentioned anatomy being on the science side of things, which suggests to me that you may be looking in the wrong places when trying to do more serious anatomical study. if you look up 'anatomy' or anything similar on a web search engine, you're likely going to get a lot of very complex scientific illustrations. and while those aren't necessarily devoid of artistic value (I took a class all about scientific anatomy for artists last semester and it was GREAT) for a beginner who's just trying to learn how to make a body look like a body, they're not what you're looking for. what is going to be much more helpful for you are sites like line of action or quickposes. these sites are basically repositories of figure drawing images, and you can set them to automatically switch to a new image after a certain interval of time. if you really, desperately want to improve your anatomy specifically, what I recommend is going to one of these sites, setting it to the shortest interval possible, and trying to copy the pose as closely as you can before time is up. this might sound crazy, since the shortest interval is usually somewhere between 30-60 seconds, which obviously isn't enough to get much down. but what this will do is force you to look at how these models' bodies are constructed and translate it onto the page quickly and without overthinking it. be warned, your first maybe hundred of these are going to look like shit. but if you do this enough, you're eventually going to gain an intrinsic sense for 1. how a body works and 2. the easiest way for you personally to construct a body when drawing it. even without knowing the scientific names and anatomical rules, you're going to get a FEEL for how things work, which is much more important and useful to you as a character artist.

Finally, i think the most important thing to remember is that no art is bad art, even if you're not satisfied with the end product. when you're first starting out as an artist, you're going to make things that don't look right and you're going to be frustrated with yourself because of it. i vividly remember crying over a sketchbook at maybe age 11 or 12 because I was so upset i couldn't put exactly what was in my head on the page. Skill comes with time and practice and that is a frustrating fact of life, but no time spent doing something you enjoy and are passionate about is wasted. It might look bad now but you are laying the groundwork for your future success, and someday you're probably going to look back on your past work and say "I can't believe I thought this looked bad back then. for my age and my skill level i was doing AMAZING." And as previously mentioned, it's a lot less discouraging when something looks bad if you had fun making it, so try to have FUN with your art. draw things you enjoy and are passionate about and don't worry if it looks bad. focus on the experience, the skill will come in time. you've got this!!

Re-design of my un-named Beetlejuice OC from back when I was thirteen

Original Reference under the cut:

i imagine you have a vault of unreleased content that you don't get around to posting for relatable reasons. if you do i humbly ask that you grace me with something. anything! close your eyes and pick a file? let fate decide. if you made it i'll like it, that's the point anyway

I’ve posted some panels or pieces of these but never the entire sequence on here I don’t think, so but this is one of the only substantial things I’d say I’ve kept in a vault.

I feel like compared to my newer stuff these look super rough, but they were really good practice.

These have pesterlogs that go with them but this post is already huge so eh. This was set to occur a couple hours after Caliborn’s masterpiece, so Roxy and Dirk are talking about Halquius’s heroic sacrifice/death. Davepeta and Dirk continue that line of conversation, while Roxy is pulled into an argument about self control as I bum everyone out by reminding them that Jasprose never actual stopped being an alcoholic.

hey guess who just quit his job and decided to draw gay people first thing after (at midnight of course)

i turn 29 on july 1st. i feel like i make a lot of these notes to myself, to check in. hi, me, here's what's happening.

hi, me. hi, you, too, if you keep reading. here's some rules i have been following:

when a book is bad, i put the book down. i choose something i like instead. when i don't like a movie, i don't make myself watch until the end. i care less and less what people think about me and focus more on being a good friend.

for the 6 months or so, i've been asking people what they think should be my next book or tv show. i ask them where i should go on a walk next week. i ask them what food i should try next, what hobby. and then i write it down in front of them.

the truth is some stuff slips through the cracks. but most of the time? within two weeks, i get to send my favorite kind of text - so i tried the thing you were talking about and !

i have a new policy for split-second choices - it's better to try it. i have social anxiety. i have to talk myself into doing many things. i am constantly battling the desire to run away as far as my feet will take me. and then i stand up and i do the thing anyway. i make myself act and dance and sing. sometimes, yes, i know-immediately never again, i hate this. but most of the time - i just have fun with it.

i have a new mantra - nobody is scorekeeping. at the end of my life, there will be no grand reading of how many calories i'd been eating. no reviews on how many boring documentaries i forced myself through, no calculation on how many hours i endured an extremely dull educational podcast. and so what if i try karaoke and i don't actually nail it? so what if i stumble over my words while trying to make a public announcement? so what if i wear something too-showy to go to the grocery store? nobody there knows me, and: nobody's keeping score.

life doesn't resolve with a grade (i know, i was as shocked as everyone else when i realized it). i am not falling behind, because there's no curriculum to life that i should be following. there are no checkpoints; nobody is making sure i have a fully-furnished life resume. i am just here for as long as the earth will have me, and i get to decide what makes me happy.

i don't have a partner or a house or anything that is supposed to belong to people-my-age. i spend most of my time focusing on being kind, compassionate, ready to listen without restraint.

and honestly? i feel good. like actually. i kind of like it this way.

born to write fanfiction forced to go to pilates

back to witch scribblezone lol ¯\_( ●♢⚬ )_/¯

Welcome to my little meta analysis essay called

Why do we misremember Flower Husbands as being “nicer” than it was?

Disclaimer: I’m not here to talk about whether or not FH is “toxic” or anything like that. It’s just a fact that many old fans rewatching FH POV and new fans who are watching it for the first time after seeing fan content tend to be surprised at how they actually behaved in the series compared to how everyone remembered them being back in the day. This will NOT go over whether or not I think FH is unhealthy or whatever and instead just discuss why I believe this phenomenon has happened.

So, if I try to make this a fancy well written essay, I’ll be here all day, so I’ll just get to the point. 3rd Life came out during the DSMP era of mcyt. MCRP has been around for ages, but the DSMP style of RP (which I’ll be calling “smp rp”) was pretty much popularized by DSMP, mostly towards the end of 2020. For reference, 3rd Life started early 2021, so there’s about a half a year between these two events, and DSMP kept going for years so 3rd Life was absolutely happening during the golden era of DSMP.

But what does DSMP have to do with this? Well, it sort of created this idea of “lore” and only specific things being “canon”. You can make fun of me for the way I worded that, but you know what I mean, DSMP was weird about that stuff. I don’t really blame them as it was kind of a new style of RP they accidentally spawned, but still, it was a confusing time for SMPs.

3rd Life was actually less like DSMP and more like the modern SMP RPs, where there’s no (known, lol) scripted events and the fandom itself deciphers what is or isn’t “canon” rather than it being told to them, with mostly everything being considered canon. HOWEVER, I do believe that DSMP’s style did still affect the fandom, specifically with the topic of this essay, Flower Husbands.

But why would it only really affect Flower Husbands? Now we get into a rough topic: shipping discourse. Back in those days, shipping in the mcyt fandom was heavily frowned upon. Moreso than it is today (I know it’s still around, but it was a lot worse the earlier we go lol). I’ve even seen old relics of ppl saying flower husbands should only be portrayed as platonic cuz it’s wrong to ship them, despite their team name literally being husbands. But more importantly, for A LOT of people, flower husbands was the One Ship people felt “allowed” to ship, BECAUSE it was canon. So they would allow FH and shun every other ship.

My point isn’t actually that, with it being the only “acceptable” ship everyone tried to make it more wholesome, though I suppose that could be a contributor. But my ACTUAL point is where all the things I laid out finally close in on each other:

Ships were a Dangerous territory in mcyt fandom, and ships being “canon” was something a lot of people weren’t prepared to deal with. People don’t want to get too close to RPF territory, but back in the day their ideas of c! vs cc! wasn’t as great, so they default to the DSMP Rule of “if it’s stated to be roleplay, then it’s canon to the characters, if not, it’s noncanon and just the CCs hanging out”.

You see where I’m going with this? When trying to follow this rule for a character relationship where they don’t explicitly state what is or isn’t RP, they hear “we’re married” and instantly mark that as canon to the characters since it clearly isn’t true to the CCs, and tend to block out anything else, otherwise you’re risking it not actually being true to the characters. Especially when it’s things like Scott saying something mean about Jimmy; that directly contradicts the “these characters are in love” thing, so it must not be canon, right?

But wouldn’t people still remember that these things happened, or did they actually straight up not process any of it? My answer to that is: of course everyone was paying attention, but with the context that it’s the CCs playing a video game, all of the teasing and other behavior seems WAY less serious. It just looks like average friends playing a hunger games smp together. And as I explained earlier, the fandom was ONLY processing this as a CC thing, so Scott’s treatment of Jimmy never stood out because that’s just how it is playing games.

Back to DSMP, I’m not active in that fandom anymore but I’ll see snippets sometimes, and I’ve seen the claim that beeduo was actually boring in canon and the fandom was the one that made it interesting. I feel like this is exactly what happened with FH. Nobody was actually expecting anyone to go hard into romantic roleplay, so the fans just take whichever pair says they’re getting married and fill in the blanks themselves. And that was normal back then, it wasn’t fans making stuff up for no reason, it was kind of expected of us.

So yeah, I personally believe that this whole confusion about FH is a result of its time. Whether you want to finally look at the actual substance of the relationship rather than following weird rules about what is or isn’t “canon”, or you believe that since FH was from a time where romantic RP was confusing and weird it would make the most sense to take into account the time period it came from and ignore the less appealing bits in favor of the fanon, I don’t really care honestly. But man isn’t this an interesting situation.

Guys guys guys I found these sketches from my old sketchbook.... Wth... These are so cute........

He, Dreamless by nizzuto

Part 1 of I don't see the sun (I know it's there)

Through the tear-away of waves and the vastness of oceans and the separation of the three of them, there remains the legend of true love and the infinite fight to get back to it.

A gift for the incredibly talented @guarncre, whose gorgeous fic (and every single fic since) I adore so much. Few fics have so effectively simultaneously ripped me apart and put me back together, and swallowed me up with every word. These drawings have been a long time coming, but I really wanted to show my love for the fic by attempting to capture its evocative storytelling and imagery. And this is my call to everyone to go read it, now! Right now!

[Image description under cut]

[I.D.] Two digital drawings of Joe and Nicky, respectively, depicting scenes from nizzuto's fic He, Dreamless.

Joe is standing alone in a dark brick tower, visible down to his waist. His head is tilted down, his eyes closed, and he has a melancholy expression on his face. Only one of his arms is visible, his hand gently curled over his chest. His hair is long and loose, a few curls lit by moonlight. A deep red garment is draped over his shoulders. Behind him is a small arched window with bars, where a bright moon attempts to shine through. He is half-lit and half in shadow. A small signature in the bottom left corner reads, "Siggy, '23".

Nicky is sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest and his head tilted up and painted with bright, almost heavenly moonlight. He is in a hole underground, and the dark ground can be seen surrounding him. He is wearing a tattered uniform, the details of his clothes mostly hidden in shadow. His hair has been cut short and uneven, as has his beard. He is reaching up with one hand, the tip of his finger poking through the bars above his head. He wears an expression of longing. The moonlight is casting streaks through his fingers onto his face. He's looking at the same moon as Joe. The same signature as the first image is written on the bottom right corner.

ok i thought about it and actually, the wildest thing in the wizard of oz series (to me) was when the tin man, scarecrow, and A Random Child whose name I can't remember all went to find the tin man's ex. and they stop at tin man's buddy's house, to see if he knows where said ex is these days, and buddy isn't there, so they go inside to wait for him

and the house???? is full of severed body parts?????? just everywhere, they're in a barrel by the door, they're on the table, just chunks of clearly human flesh and a mess of limbs and whatnot, tin man thinks this is fine, scarecrow is really creeped out, scarecrow opens a cabinet and finds a severed human head

tin man runs on over and is like "what the f- oh that's me lol" and it's??? HIS old severed head??? so the scarecrow is just barely recovered from this, tin man is explaining the situation of how he became tin again, etc. etc.

and then the eyes open

and long story short the tin man's soul transferred to his new tin body, but it takes more than having your soul removed to kill you in oz... so his old body is still alive, but without its memories and completely confused and disoriented

the friend comes back and casually mentions how it took a bit for the transferring to finish, and after that the head just didn't remember anything. that means there was a bit there where this head DID have all of the tin man's memories still, and as far as he knew his friend had just left him without a body in a cabinet, unable to move, while the rest of his body just... walked off without him. literally horrific and the tin man is just like "haha! how quirky!" and honestly it's not the worst thing to have happened to him so i can't fault him for that but like. i'd be a little worried if one of my oldest friends told me that they'd totally leave me in a cabinet while my soul slowly left my body and wouldn't even feel bad.