thinking once again about how painful but necessary the desire for revenge against hector is to isaac's arc, bc the thing is that it is unfair and it does hurt to see them pitted against each other, but that's part of the point. isaac doesn't really hate hector, he just hates what he represents, and to isaac hector represents a bucking of the security that gives isaac the only purpose he's found, the only morality that makes sense to him anymore. he starts out wanting revenge against hector bc he thinks he's betrayed them, which means betraying dracula, which means breaking down the only thing isaac has left anymore bc the thing is that dracula's presence and goals are both pillars of stability to isaac who doesn't believe in the goodness of people anymore, and so hector presumably unimaginably rejecting that is the necessary broken link in the chain that gets isaac on his road to genuine self-agency and recovery and believing in kindness again

bc the thing is that hector's betrayal (and dracula's following selfless compassion but not the focus of this post) is the first thing that spurs isaac into something he wants. it's him that's angry at the injustice and the fact his last haven of stability is gone. it sets him on the path to exploring and discovering goals of his own, nobody else's, bc before he was relying on dracula's support and plans as a coping mechanism and substitute for having control of his own life bc he had lost hope that there was any point at all to even trying to care about himself or what he might have wanted. and once that first domino tips, and the other players enter the board when isaac finally begins to interact with other ppl again (talking to the captain, that old woman, the demons) instead of shutting himself off, it can only end up one place from there: isaac realizing that he has a choice.

he wants revenge against hector and wants something for himself and realizes he has power to obtain it and makes an effort to care abt something new and he starts to realize that maybe what he really hated was himself bc maybe he never thought he was worth forgiveness either and maybe he thought humanity was hopeless bc he was hopeless and he starts to notice through recognition of the other that both starts and ends with hector that maybe, just maybe, if other people can be kind, if other humans can be worth trying for, if the world can be good--maybe they had never really been pitted against each other at all, maybe they had always been the same and had been trying their best to survive despite the horrors. maybe hector deserves compassion and kindness and tenderness and forgiveness... because realizes he deserves those things too.

what are your neurodivergent headcanons for hq characters?

asdfjhgfds sorry this has been in my askbox for a few days ive been busy w/ Life Stuff TM but anyways ND haikyuu headcanons lets gooo

hinata:

ik bc hes Sunshiney and Loud lots of ppl read hinata as adhd, which i can deffo see, but personally i read him as autistic

hes extroverted and good at adopting introverts (kageyama, kenma, yachi, tsukki) but when u stop to think abt it hes also actually kinda bad at social ques and 'normal' behaviour?? i think ppl dont notice bc hes also rlly nice but hinata is actually pretty blunt lmao

his special interest is literally volleyball cmon now

its canon that he dislikes being in classes too long or doing homework bc he finds sitting still for too long difficult, both me and my autistic older brother used to get up and pace around our classrooms when we were younger

even though hes rlly athletic and has insane reflexes obviously, hes also pretty clusmy and especially bad at judging distances which to me looks like dyspraxia which is really commonly comorbid w/ autism

ive also read a few fics where he has tourettes syndrome w/ body tic and i can deffo see why ppl would hc that

idk hes just reads as autistic so well in my mind like idk why its not a more common take

kageyama:

this one is less of a headcanon and moreso just interpreting the text correctly; hes definitely autistic

like its my belief that furudate either knowingly wrote kageyama as autistic or like based his personality off of an irl autistic person they knew or SOMETHING bc its actually insane how well he reads as autistic

the lack of social skills? the anger issues? the deep special interest in volleyball? the just wanting to express your feelings/opinions but coming off as rude but not knowing how to fix that? middle school being a living hell? having that one family member who Got you? the high level of skill in one particular area? hes literally the texboox definition of autism

even the little things like how he files his nails and jokes go over his head and he accidentally insults ppl bc hes calling it how he sees it and how he basically had no friends growing up bc he was too focused on volleyball and how he struggles to smile on command like!!! thats autism babe!!!!!!

oh also hes dyslexic bc im dyslexic and i say so

ushijima:

same as kageyama i bet he was either knowing written as autistic or based off of an irl person who is

blunt as all hell, monotone voice and facial expressions, volleyball as a special interest, bad at social interaction, accidentally rude, the list goes on and on

like his whole thing about how his left handedness makes him different but is also a gift that benefits him in some ways? thats a metaphor for neurodivergency dont @ me

oikawa:

i hc him as having narcisstic personality disorder, not in the ableist reddit-user 'all ppl w/ npd are evil manipulative abusers' way but in the ' i have npd and know what it actually looks like' way

hiding massive insecurities by acting like youre amazing?? that fuckin marina lyric thats like 'i feel like im the worst so i always act like im the best'?? that was abt oikawa tooru and npd

feeling threatened the second someone as good or better than you shows up? fixating on one specific thing that you have to be the best at? those are npd as fuck traits

the way he can basically get along with anyone and adjust his play style to suit them but only has a few close friendships where he can let his true personality rlly shine through

hes literally so npd coded augh <3

bokuto:

i read him as adhd and having cyclothymia

i think he was unmedicated in high school and unknowingly had depressive and hypomanic episodes which affected his play

he also very much reads as having rejection sensitive dysphoria if u ask me

and the way he talks and bounces around and has All That Damn Energy gives me adhd vibes, esp pared w/ his poor volume control ad the way he ignores social cues lol

okay quickfire round bc im getting tired of typing

atsumu is autistic, so is osamu for that matter, theyre just at very different points on the spectrum and rub each other up the wrong way a lot of the time bc of it

kita is also autistic bc no neurodivergent person is that particular about doing things the 'right' way

hoshiumi is autistic and adhd

asahi and yamaguchi read like they struggled w/ anxiety and depression

sakusa has ocpd and ocd (contamination ocd specifically) and mysophobia

kyoutani has aspd, again not in a 'aspd = violent agressive psychopaths' way but in a 'i actually have a cluster b personality disorder' way, and adhd also

kenma is autistic and has social anxiety

yachi has social anxiety too bc cmon now

tsukki reads to me as having chronic depression, i think i could also make a case for him being autistic too ngl

tendou is some flavour of neurodivergent, probally audhd, probably some other stuff, idk but hes definitely not neurotypical

like hinata, lev reads as autistic to me even tho hes got that goodball energy thatd make lots of ppl read him as adhd bc like,, he just fuckin sucks at social interaction like he is accidentally rude all the damn time lmaoo

fukunaga and aone are both autistic w/ selective mutism and/or partial to moderate non-verbalness

obviously its none of my business and i think having headcanons abt irl ppl is Fucking Weird but i wouldnt be surprised if furudate themself was autistic bc truly so many characters in haikyuu can be read that way if u ask me, although maybe im just projecting lol

god i relate to you so much. ik this isn’t saying much but whenever you’re lonely just know we’re lonely together. i love hearing abt your life cuz it always sounds just like mine lol. i haven’t had a SINGLE friend or interaction or ANYTHING since junior year of high school four years ago when i dropped out and had to move to the middle of nowhere in complete isolation due to being poor and no houses/apartments in the city accepting us. anyways i feel you. i haven’t worked in forever either. i tried once and only lasted two days before having a breakdown 😭 i can’t drive so i’m stuck at home all the time with my mom and sister who drive me insane lol anyways i always want to say smth when i read ur text posts bc i relate so much and i love youuuu <333 (also ur so right abt sdv clint. i ALWAYS think abt that!!!)

hey anon aha im really sorry i didnt answer this last night. i ended up just playing sdv all night after making that post, but i really appreciate your msg, it made me feel a lot better. im sorry to hear you can relate to my struggle, but honestly... just knowing theres someone out there going through basically the same thing i am, it really makes me feel seen, like im not alone in this world. and you arent alone either!! its as you said, we're lonely together anon <3 and YES im glad ive found another clint fan!!!

anyways... off topic... but do you wanna be friends? ahahfdoijergtois

ily anon

ani....morphs.....

ok so picking up after the david trilogy, which hit hard as FUCK, we have book 23, which basically was a semi truck that ran over my corpse, jesus christ, they really followed up the david trilogy w/all that....

23 was so so good and also painful. its the culmination of a lot of tobias’s characterization in the series thus far and also we finally get the reveal we’ve been waiting for about elfangor....ooooh man 

and there was a lot of painful stuff in this book but the worst imo was tobias wondering if it were possible that somebody wanted him and would take care of him, only to have it all come crashing down in the worst way when it turned out aria was visser three in morph, ouch. 

that was so brutal augh. and when he figured it out and just crash landed and kept thinking about how he wanted to die and how he was stupid to think he could have a home...bro get these kids some THERAPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

so yeah that book was absolutely brutal but also so good...and it further fleshed out the animorphs working as a near-flawless team, w/the whole setup of tobias meeting w/the lawyer being so airtight and well-planned 

also more free hork bajir!! its cool that there's stuff happening w/them offscreen, I like that 

I literally had to take a break from reading the books bc the david triology + 23 was like so much, and also bc the olympics were on and all my time got dedicated to watching those, but then I opened 24, not sure what to expect, and BAM it was the helmacrons lmaoooo

I don't even remember the helmacrons but ig a lot of people hate them? lmao so that whole reputation preceded the book and I was like oh wow time for a change in tone

which wasn't wrong but also I liked that book?? I was never bored, even tho the whole thing was patently ridiculous and also had very little bearing on the overarching story

but I think it would be a standout if it were a TV episode w/a good budget - the visuals were amazing even in text, and I can imagine all the cool shrinking/growing/cellular stuff would be WICKED cool visually (ideally 2d animation but an ant man-esque live action adaptation wouldn't be terrible if they had the budget for it)

whatever let me dream. so yeah I didn't hate the helmacron book even tho the helmacrons themselves were...sure something. lmao I think they come back? that should be interesting

next book is the arctic one, we have yet another alien of the week style adventure - I liked this one too, it felt like more plot-y stuff happened since they destroyed the base, and marco’s POV is always fun 

I do find it funny/interesting how sometimes when the animorphs do something - like in this book, destroying that base in the arctic - it doesn't really seem to impact the yeerks much/it doesn't get brought up much after that. and then other things like them destroying the ground-based kandrona get mentioned a lot (that example is understandable tho bc that WAS a big deal). its just hilarious to me how blowing up entire building complexes has become so routine that it isn’t even worth mentioning at this point

Also I adore when they meet other random people/kids and are chill w/them, like w/that kid they met in the rain forest earlier on w/the time travel 

the descriptions of the brutally cold weather were great. I hate the cold so I was like oof this is a nightmare lmao

also ig that was the first ghostwritten book and I did kinda notice it was slightly different than usual? maybe? I could be imagining it tho 

okay but book 26 tho...BOOK 26. bruh 

that was SO good and I really didn’t know what to expect - but when we finally revisited Jake’s dream w/crayak I knew it was gonna be good (but I didn’t expect it to be a chess game war epic..!)

basically I loved it. SUCH a good Jake book - I really appreciate his character now as opposed to when I was 10 and often overlooked him (sorry jake).

similarly, when I was a kid and read these I sympathized a lot w/the chee and felt bad for them towards the end of the series when they had to get more involved in the war (genuinely don’t remember what they even do but ik I felt bad) 

but now I've basically 180′d and I'm like damn those chee sure are hypocrites huh. 

like they could solve So many of the animorphs problems but their stringent adherence to nonviolence leads to them actively getting in the animorphs way sometimes? and obviously pacifism is a complicated topic, but in this case it also intersect w/the whole ‘child soldier’ thing, and as beings who are insanely old and wise, the chee probably shouldn't just leave all the dirty work to a bunch of literal middle schoolers

aaaaanyways. there’s so much I love about this book. the iskoort! they were sure something. and the ‘plot twist’ that they are actually 2 beings, the Isk and the Yoort - and the Yoort are essentially Yeerks - that slapped. the symbiosis of it all! 

I loved the part where they all realize what this means, that this is why Crayak wants the iskoort destoryed - because someday the yeerks might come across them and realize parasitism is not the only way. I love it! 

alas I don’t recall the iskoort returning in the story (but also my memory is terrible so who knows?) but still that would be cool

basically I feel like this is the book where Jake Truly comes into his own as a leader, in every sense. he outmaneuvers Crayak, and even the ellimist, who’s yanking them around in his own way

the scene where jake shoves the howler off the cliff and jumps off and morphs and acquires the howler...that was fantastic and tense. 

also the murder is definitely becoming more overt. I mean, it has been for a while, but it isn’t really pointed out as much anymore. oof

more on the chee - as Jake points out in this book, and other characters point out in other books - the chee could have saved the pemalites, but instead just stood by while their creators were slaughtered. on the other hand, jake says, what do the chee do AFTER they’ve killed the howlers - where to point them next? when is the end of their violence? 

buuuuut also standing by while atrocities occur is pretty damning, as is frequently mentioned in this series - from the very beginning, when marco initially doesn’t want to get involved in the war at all, and the other animorphs basically tell him that turning his back on the war and acting like he doesn’t even know it’s happening would be immoral and cowardly (which imo this reaction helps to push marco in the direction he ends up going, but I digress) - this topic comes up again in 19 when cassie quits the team and rachel is upset bc she sees it as cassie elevating her own feelings above the greater good (as in, as long as cassie feels good about how she acts, it doesn’t matter how much preventable evil the yeerks are committing while she turns away). etc etc. but that’s essentially what’s happening w/the chee - even tho they help w/intel, the lack of any sort of Action on their part means that they’re essentially allowing awful things to happen when they could prevent them. this is rambly but basically...animorphs deals so much in grey areas, and the chee are noticeably black and white in their actions, despite falling, in a meta sense, in an extremely grey area. its such good, thought provoking writing!

anywayssss I keep talking about the chee lmao what else was there. oh YEAH jake and cassie kissed for the first time awww that was super cute 

and ofc immediately marco teases them as asks jake if he’s gonna kiss him next, and all I can say is...marco is a bicon 

also I love the background worldbuilding w/the iskoort, how they have all these groups and guilds and stuff - its not dwelled on much, which actually works really well to give the world/species a sense of lived-in realness 

okay oh man and the reveal at the end that the howlers were just like...children who thought the whole thing was a game...AUGHH man that’s sooo fucked 

like, when jake morphs the howler and has rachel ready to knock him down in grizzly morph if he gets out of control due to the howler’s murderous instincts, and he morphs to find that the howler is...playful, like a dolphin morph. SUCH a good fucked up sense of dawning horror there 

and the fact that as far as I can tell the chee KNEW this, but wanted revenge anyways, so they let the animorphs assume that the howlers were Evil On Purpose

also I love smaller moments, like jake seeing that ax is ashamed for briefly running away during one battle w/the howlers, and then entrusts him w/an important task bc he knows that ax will see that as redemption - and when everyone thought jake was dead and were so happy when he wasn't (they all love each other so much im gonna cry about these child soldiers augh)

basically that book was so good

man one thing I absolutely love is that the longer the series goes on the more obvious it is that andalites, despite inventing morphing technology, barely use it themselves 

like, most of the andalite characters we see barely morph. its kind of a last resort to them, as they’re already plenty dangerous in their regular forms 

meanwhile for the animorphs, that’s all they have to fight with. that’s their only weapons against the yeerks, and its so fun to see them use the power in so many varied ways, and so creatively, while the andalites have barely scratched the surface of their own technology

its also interesting to contrast against the yeerks who start out w/absolutely no technology, and the andalites share some but not all of their technology w/them...its too bad that morphing technology was just starting out cause that would’ve been interesting

like imo a lot of the conflict w/the yeerks could’ve been avoided if they could just nothlit into better forms - of course, there’d still be plenty of yeerks who want to go start wars or w/e, just like pretty much any species in the series, but a lot of yeerks would probably be like ‘yeah I'm good’ and just chill out as nothlits

also people online love to talk about how humans are alienfuckers and would definitely have sex w/sentient aliens and whatnot, and while I'm not saying that's untrue, its just funny bc in animorphs the truest alienfuckers are definitely the andalites

as of the hork-bajir chronicles, we now have a second instance of an andalite morphing another species to be in an inter-species alien romance (and eventually have kids) 

speaking of, I don’t think I’ve talked abt the hork bajir chronicles yet??? even tho I read it a while ago lmao 

HBC was great...I honestly haven’t really run into an animorphs book I’ve actually disliked at this point, I’m sure it’ll come w/all the ghostwriting and whatnot, but I’ve liked at least some aspects of every book

anyways HBC was great, and it’s funny bc I remember that I read this book as a kid, and yet rereading it now I didn’t remember a single bit of it lmaooo

I really liked the framing device of the free hork bajir telling this story to tobias. I also liked how we know from the beginning that this story wont have a happy ending - we know all the hork bajir end up enslaved by the yeerks, but it’s still somehow hopeful at the end? I think this is largely due to the framing device tbh. 

also I love toby, and I love that the First free hork bajir named their kid after tobias ;_; 

and oooh mannn I LOVED the different POVs from this book. all the characters were so interesting! aldrea was fascinating - I really like the increasingly negative view of the andalites that the readers are getting, all while maintaining the sense that they aren’t like, actively evil, just that they have their issues - like aldrea’s arrogance, and the general andalite arrogance which lead to the loss of the hork bajir. also, who knew andalites had their own brand of sexism? Ls

I did like getting a female andalite tho, that was cool. and dak was really cool, he was such a good, compassionate character who was able to maintain his morals in an interesting way throughout the story

and VISSER THREE...or should I say esplin 9466, because he’s not visser 3 yet...getting his ‘origin story’ was excellent - I really like how we’re learning about visser 3 backwards - we start off the series w/him as the main villain, and he’s campy and menacing, and then we see him in the andalite chronicles as a power-hungry sub-visser trying to climb the ranks and eventually getting alloran as a host, and then back even further here, w/the start of his focus on the andalites and the beginning of his ambition. its been very cool and interesting to see

plus, the beginning of the yeerks as we know them! seerow! alloran! it’s a party and nobody is having a good time, except for some of the yeerks. 

I like how it’s pretty obvious that the andalites are well-meaning with their interactions w/the yeerks, but go about it the wrong way - they give them enough technology that the yeerks realize there’s a whole world out there to experience, and then they blockade the yeerks on their planet and tell them they can’t leave. nnnnot the best approach imo

again, as I said above, I’m interested in how things could’ve gone if the andalites had given the yeerks morphing technology early on - could a lot of the conflict have been avoided, or would it have been worse? the yeerks seem pretty evil in this book, immediately jumping to enslave anyone they can. otoh we hear from esplin that not all yeerks like having host bodies, and find it overwhelming, preferring to swim around in the yeerk pool as a slug - I assume as host bodies became more available this type of thinking was probably stamped out in yeerk society or w/e, but there are a lot of interesting what-ifs in the situation 

I loved the scene where esplin first experiences having a host, and immediately knows he can’t go back. there are a bunch of great sensory descriptions, and it’s a nice scene to pinpoint as a foundational moment for the visser three in the current story, who spent a lot of time and energy getting what he sees as the best possible host body, an andalite

I find it interesting how much visser three clearly respects the andalites, even while constantly deriding them. and you can see the origins of that here as he immediately focuses in on the andalites, working to become an expert on them in order to make himself useful enough to move thru the ranks

another thing I like is how esplin seems a lot more crafty and ambitious than the visser three from modern times - I would guess that reaching his goal (andalite host body) and being given all that power was detrimental, playing on his weaknesses instead of his strengths. basically, I don’t think it’s ooc or anything, I can see how HBC-esplin became animorphs-esplin, especially w/TAC in between

as for seerow...poor dude. you really do have to feel for him, because you get the sense he really did just want to be kind to the yeerks, but it was borne from a place of pity, and he (and the other andalites) consistently held too much power over the yeerks for the species relations to ever be truly equal and functional 

AUGH I have so many thoughts about alien space politics. omg. I need to talk about the actual story lmao

so yeah I also feel for aldrea, she had a rough time, watching her entire family die and being thrown into a hopeless war

and then the andalite council or w/e not listening to her bc she's a girl AND seerow’s daughter...oof

also, I really really liked the running theme of the andalites - specifically aldrea - looking down on the hork bajir as ‘simple’ and constantly underestimating them, especially dak

and I like how this is portrayed as a bad attitude for aldrea to have, and she still remains and interesting and sympathetic character even while having obvious flaws. it’s about being 3-dimensional baby!

and oh man I love that dak realizes that aldrea looks down on him, and his entire species, but he can see that that’s how the andalites are, and it all connects back to the beginning of the story w/the yeerks, bc the andalites looked down on the yeerks and treated them with pity and kept them pinned under their proverbial thumb ‘for their own good’ and look how that turned out 

but dak is wise and kind enough to not hate aldrea for this, even acknowledging when she’s using him, but not pushing her away because he recognizes good in her too - and she ends up changing, partially because of his faith in her

and I feel like it can all be compared to that scenario of like - a hypothetical creature that lives in a 2D world suddenly being thrust into a 3D world, and comprehending what its seeing, and understanding that there’s so much more out there outside of the flat lines of its world - and then its dropped back into 2D-land with the knowledge of all the stuff its missing out on, and no way to get back to it or explain it to anybody else

I loooove that ‘trope’ or w/e you wanna call it, and it’s done beautifully here w/the yeerks - whos the say they wouldn't have been fine in their pool swimming around; as esplin said, a lot of the yeerks were terrified of having a host, it was only from the andalites’ perspective that their lives were sad and pitiful, and the andalites showed them what the world could be like, and then said ‘no, you can’t travel the stars like we do, you have to stay here on your planet and do what we say.’

and then again, w/the hork bajir - dak talks about how, even though he drinks up the knowledge that aldrea gives him, in the end it might have been better to just have lived peacefully, not knowing what was in the sky or the Deep - as aldrea says: “It was too late for Dak: he knew that the stars were not flowers.” 

plus the hork bajir having to go from a completely peaceful species who don’t even understand the concept of violence, to a bunch of soldiers fighting a war...oof 

basically everyone in this story uses the hork bajir. the yeerks use them as hosts, the andalites use their planet as a convenient place to dump seerow and then take their sweet time coming to help, and the arn created them as means to stabilize the planet, but block them off from their society and refuse to help when the yeerks come

like, the arn modifying themselves to be un-infestable by the yeerks and then being enslaved for physical labor instead? oof guys. if they had teamed up w/the hork bajir resistance things might have gone better, but probably not 

more on aldrea - throughout the story I was always thinking ‘how am I supposed to see her? as a good person, or as a bad person?’ 

as a POV character, especially a ‘good guy’ andalite, you just start off automatically thinking of her as a good person, but as the story goes on, she starts getting lost in revenge and begins using dak and the hork bajir, and you’re left wondering if this is a story about her slide into darkness, and then towards the end of the story her character development culminates in her making the decision to stay w/the hork bajir, and the be with dak, and that’s about when I went ‘ohhh right this is animorphs so every character is pretty much gonna be grey’

I feel like that moral grey-ness was on full display w/aldrea, and I really enjoyed that. I love so much when characters who are good do bad things, for good or bad reasons, especially in media like animorphs that’s aimed at kids. it’s so compelling. 

oof, and the ending when aldrea convinces dak to mobilize the hork bajir and teach them violence...and dak asks her if she’s ever killed another andalite, and she’s horrified, and says of course she hasn’t, and he says that that’s what she’s asking him, and all the hork bajir, to do - to kill their own people, even if they are being controlled by the yeerks. biiiig oof. I love that dak can keep up w/aldrea and her andalite supremacy attitude - it seems that the non-andalite characters who get along best w/the andalites are the ones who wont take their bs 

what else happened....oh my god how could I forget about alloran, and his quantum virus. oooof. I like how we find out about alloran in parallel to visser three, in the same backwards way - in animorphs he’s the tragic host of visser three, in TAC he’s the disgraced but still semi-respected war-prince who becomes the first ever andalite controller, and here he’s the guy who decides to commit some war crimes because, hey, we haven’t tried that yet 

but yeah that was fucked up, I love it. I’ve said it before I think but I like that alloran isn’t some perfect martyr tragically taken by the yeerks - it’s a lot more compelling that he’s a very flawed person who was taken as a controller partially due to his own bloodthirstiness. 

but yeah, the part where aldrea morphs alloran and ‘sneaks’ into that room was great. aldrea’s dedication to disposing of the virus is a great indicator of her character development - it really feels like the straw that broke the camels back w/re: to the andalites not being what she thought they were, w/their tardiness coming to help the hork bajir planet and the way her father was treated being the precursors to this realization. it all culminates nicely in aldrea saying ‘fuck this actually’ and nothlit-ing into a hork bajir.

and it’s really tragic but realistic that even though aldrea and dak end up seeing eye to eye at the end and getting together, the virus ends up being released anyways (and fails in its objective to stop the yeerks from using the hork bajir - the whole thing was p much a lose-lose situation oof), and aldrea and dak still die fighting a hopeless war 

but then we have the free hork bajir on earth, including toby, who, like tobias, has andalite ancestry, but no DNA to show for it - I like that they have that connection as well as tobias being her namesake

so yeah I enjoyed that one and its many-layered themes

WOW this got long uuuuuhhh ok I think i’ll leave this one off here. at the time I’m actually finishing the writing and editing, I’m on book 35 lol so I have some backlogging to do. never fear, I have a lot to say....

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1. 6 songs I listen to most? Currently it's been lick by cardi b, rainbow and praying by kesha, grown ass kid by chance, big b's by young thug n chance, and like all of sza's album bc I'm still obsessed w it??2. If I could meet anyone who would it be?Oh no there are so many angels I wanna meet I can't even pick one3. Find book nearest to me pg 23, line 17?I'm sorry I'm in bed n not in reaching distance of one lmao4. What do you think about most?Probably my future5. Latest text from someone else?"WHAT"6. Sleep w or w/o clothes?Depends on how I'm feeling tbh7. Strangest talent?Turning trauma into biting sarcasm lmfao8. Girls? Boys?Girls? AMAZING Boys? Also amazing, but y'all loud lol9. Ever had a poem or song or written about me?I know of 2 poems written ab me10. Last time I played air guitar?Not sure11. Any strange phobias?Clowns and like slimy food?? Idk if those are strange but ik they make me cringe12. Ever stuck a foreign object up my nose?No, I was an advanced toddler13. Religion?Nothing concrete currently but I'm very interested in Buddhism14. If outside, what are you most likely doing?Either w friends or my dog15. Prefer to be behind the camera or in front?Behind16. Favorite band?Florence + the machine17. Last lie you told?I'm waking up at 718. Believe in karma?Definitely19. URL meaning?Lol one of my old friends came up w it and it's basically just ab loving where I'm from I guess20. Greatness weakness/strength?Taking care of everyone else before me lol21. Celebrity crush?TOO MANY22. Ever gone skinny dipping?No23. How do I vent my anger?I usually just needa rant for like 20 min straight then I don't care lol24. Own a collection?I probably have an unreasonable amount of things associated w marching band in my room25. Talking on the phone or online video chatting?Talking on the phone26. Happy w the person you've become?She's def still learning but so much better than where she used to be so yes 27. Sound I hate/love?Any type of metal scratching against another metal and I love hearing dogs run up to me28. Biggest what if?I guess if I had moved away for college? How different I may be rn? All the different ppl who may be in my life rn? 29. Believe in ghosts/aliens?Yes30. Stick your right arm out, what do you touch? Left?Right: My bedside fan. Left: The wall31. What do you smell in the air?Coffee32. Worst place I've ever been to?Probably a court house33. East or west coast?West for the culture34. Most attractive singer of opposite sex?Let's go w either miguel or frank ocean35. Meaning of life in your opinion?Doing what makes you happy for as long as you can while you're here bc at the end of it that's what you'll want, knowing you found peace and happiness for/within yourself, in my opinion36. Define artYour own creativity that makes your soul just feel right ya know? And it comes in all different forms37. Believe in luck?Eh, somewhat38. What's the weather like rn?Hot n sunny39. Time?7:54 AM40. Drive? If so, have you ever crashed?Yes and yes41. Last book you read?Not sure which one but I'm almost positive it was Mary Higgins Clark and if not it was a text book lol42. Like the smell of gasoline?Not at all43. Have any nicknames?Aimster by my parents and a few friends lol44. Last film you saw?To the bone (should prolly finish it)45. Worst injury?I've had a few bad scrapes n cuts nothing really major unless a few bad illnesses count46. Ever caught a butterfly?No but I need one to catch me47. Any obsessions rn?Just coming off of an obsession w the show ozark48. Sexual orientation?Bisexual49. Ever had a rumor spread about you?Many lol50. Believe in magic?Somewhat51. Tend to hold grudges?No I find it best to let that hurt GO52. Astrological sign?Pisces53. Save money or spend it?I wanna say save but my bank account know I'm lying54. Last thing I purchased?Soup, crackers, ice cream, n candy bars (im sick lol)55. Love or lust?Yikes that's a tough one. Both are very good but can be dangerous56. In a relationship?No57. How many relationships have you had?Real ones? Just one. I had at least 4 situationships we're just not gonna talk about lol58. Can you touch your nose w your tongue?I actually can't lol59. Where were you yesterday?The doctor, a pharmacy, popeyes, a store, and my bed mostly60. Anything pink within 10 ft of me?Yah my phone charger61. Wearing socks?Not rn62. Favorite animal?SHARKS 63. Secret weapon to get someone to like you????? Let u know when I find it??64. Where is your best friend?Prolly sleeping65. Top 5 blogs on here?I'm not sure of all of them but def check pelvicthruster and my-secret-life-as-ren for some bomb ones66. My heritage?Black??67. What was I doing at midnight last night?What I do best, sleeping68. What do you think is Satan's last name?Idk omg69. Biggest turn ons?Pretty teeth!! Being nice to me!! Slow kissing!! Neck kisses!! 70. Are you the friend of a friend you'd hope to have?Hopefully, I consider myself a pretty good friend71. There's a dog drowning on my way to work but if I'm late again I'll be fired, what do I do?Save the dog and get away from a heartless boss if they fire me after that tf??72. If given one month to live would I tell anyone n everyone, what would I do w my remaining days, and would I be afraid?Probably only close friends and family, I would want to travel any and everywhere until I couldn't anymore, and I'd be scared of all the unanswered questions ab death but I think I would have to sooner rather than later accept that I can't change what's happening and just live out my fullest life73. Can either have trust or love? Which one?Trust. In my opinion love can't exist w/o trust so74. A song that always makes me happy when I hear it?Too many omg I just rly love music75. Last 4 digits of my number?4061??76. What makes a great relationship?Trust, honesty, attraction, healthy actions from both partners, and NEVER stop doing the little things. So many relationships go to shit bc one or both stopped cherishing the other person in the relationship77. How can I win your heart?Animals!! Good music!! Genuine company!!78. Can insanity bring on more creativity?I think it can in theory, but it doesn't mean you have to be some kind of mad scientist or in an unhealthy mindset to have creativity79. Single best decision I've made in my life?Letting go of people who are no longer good for me or vice versa. Holding onto that hurt does nothing but drag you down80. What do you want written on your tombstone?I actually have a thing w quotes, meaning I have so many I LOVE, I wouldn't even know where to start81. Shoe size?10 (Switch 80 and 81 I mixed up the numbers)82. Favorite word?TOO MANY83. First thing that comes to mind hearing the word heart?Passion84. A saying you say a lot?"It be like that" (probably what's gonna actually end up on my tombstone)85. Last song I listened to?I think it was caretaker by dram and sza86. Favorite color(s)?Blue and gray87. Current desktop picture?I don't have a computer anymore so :/88. If you could press a button, making anyone explode, who would it be?There's a lotta ignorance I wanna get rid of in this world but I don't even think I could explode anyone lol89. A question you'd be scared to tell the truth on?And expose myself..I think not lmao90. Turn offs?I really don't line unnecessarily rude/mean people or anyone who speaks to you as if they're superior91. If I ate a vegetable that gave me superpowers what would it be?Hopefully mental stability tbh92. Where are your parents from?My dad's from Vackaville, California and my mom's from Abbeville, Louisiana93. If I could erase any horrible experience from my past what would it be?I could definitely get rid of a lot of painful things but I feel like I could also be a drastically different person94. Opportunity to sleep w a music celebrity of my choice, who('