#this has been sitting in my drafts for some time after i watched manlybadasshero played gavril | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

abbynx · 11 months

Text

Call me

Gavril from the Bubo Series Fanfic

Riddled with thoughts you've kept suppressed come spilling out in the middle of the night.

Gender neutral.

The Bubo Series is by partuulla, go support them! 💝✨ Also. I fear that Gav might be OOC and for that, I am so sorry.

That night, you maybe would have died if you slept like a log throughout a break-in even after a tiring day. Painless death, with no trace of your body, perhaps not even a sign of struggle. Police investigation may come to conclusions that you might have ran away but then again, that would be a questionable disappearance as you really showed no signs of of such. Your belongings intact (except for maybe the foods in your fridge), through texts you never really showed any hints. Neighbors and co-workers wouldn't even know where you went, nor would your loved ones.

You'd be plastered in thumbnails of exploitative True Crime shows. If you hadn't crept down the stairs and swung your bat at the first thing you saw, then yes, you would have died too. There was just about plenty ways for you to die that night and thankfully you had taken the right steps to keep your life. Gavril could kill you but for some reason, he didn't.

Reason in which you can only assume to attaching himself to the first person who shows the barely barest minimum of human kindness. You have no recollection by which you had expressed hints of being interested with him, you were just trying to survive and live another day.

"You really are lonely"

Back then, you mentally scoffed at the statement. 'Projection much?' you thought. You don't even know where he pulled that from, aside from the man himself... Only to have that confirmation upon conversing with him further.

Suddenly, you were in a relationship that would put your middle school relationship to shame. Neck-break pace of getting in a relationship, that's a new record, Disney Princesses could never. It felt like being a hostage for fuck's sake, what would have happened if you rejected him? Knowing nothing about him but his first name (not even his full name), favourite food, some of his hobbies that isn't larceny, has a friend rat, and he travels a lot. Well, you came to know more about him when you reached out to him via texts, which he was quick and particularly eager to reply.

There was this lingering thought of calling the police on him after he had given his number to you. Give his contact detail to the authorities and let them have him. But you didn't. You had the choice not to talk to him, but you did and in fact, they were highlights of your days. The Pavlovian effect it had instilled within you was just pathetically laughable in your eyes, how you'd perk up at the notification coming from your phone. Not to be a stupid romantic cliché nut, but he brings a warm tug on your cheeks when you can't help but smile with every texts. Cringe, but true. You were starting to wonder whether he saw through you when he said you were lonely or it was sheer projection and you were just being a crazy defensive bitch.

But in all this, there's this nagging voice at the back of your head. What the fuck is this relationship?What does 'not roomates' even mean? He calls you darling, but what if that is just him being friendly and referring to friends with terms of endearment? Like you've thought before, you have barely expressed something remotely close to romantic that night but at the same time, he seems to be the type to get attached so fast with the show of the minute show of the bare minimum of being a decent fucking person. What if it is just friendship he wants? You want nothing more but the clarity of the boundaries of your relationship in fear of overstepping or making him uncomfortable. It is why you have been holding back no matter how playful he is with flirtations.

You've had previous relationship experiences that had made you this... Wary. Out of defense, you always kept that annoying nagging paranoia on your mental bedside table to protect yourself or the other person from the inevitable heartbreak. This is unabashedly so middle school relationship-coded, you have no idea why you continue to indulge this at this age, were you really trying to achieve a new low? You have nothing against Gavril... Okay, maybe you do, the man did try to eat you, it is justified, but water under the bridge (sort of), but other than that, he is just a bit of a recluse and withdrawn from certain topics.

Whenever you'd ask for clarifications of what your relationship is, he would often swerve the topic away. It was painfully obvious how he doesn't want to address it. In one month you knew him, maybe he does not know either or maybe there is nothing at all in this relationship but he is afraid to answer. You learned not to further upset him by allowing him to change the subject and it has always been that way. You are well-aware that it's a red flag, his refusal to communicate but did that sway you away from him? Barely.

We need to talk.

I need you to be serious.

You are well-aware how much these words can be anxiety-inducing and would immediately hold his attention with no cutesy emojis indicated. At first you didn't exactly know why you wanted to know until you texted him. It wasn't to confirm any of your paranoia and hurt yourself in the process, you genuinely want to fix it... Keep him longer. At least there's some growth, the old Y/N would have done this with the intent being the former. Old Y/N would set up the trap, and if they didn't like what they heard, they're pushing the person away before they could feel hurt.

Yes?

Eager as ever, he was always quick to reply.

What are we exactly?

To him, it was unprompted for the day, to be fair, it had always been a question which lingered every time you talked with him. You just wanted an answer, why can't he answer it? It's not like you were asking for too much, you just wanted to know. How serious does he want this to be?

Not roommates 😅

It took him longer to reply, considering his icon had been bouncing for a few moment that you'd assume he already has at least a paragraph ready. This would have made you smile, but today was different.

I'm serious Gavril.

For a moment you were struck with guilt. Were you selfish to put him in such an uncomfortable position right now? Maybe there is a reason he does not want to answer— no... Communication is key, and you need to know at least an inkling of how he feels to know how to proceed.

Here's another one, why do you always avoid this question? I just want to know so we know how to talk about this.

I honestly don't know

Can I call?

Go ahead

Almost immediately his contact appeared on your notification tab, ringing incessantly. Upon answering, you can hear all sorts of background noises on his end, most of them being the motors of vehicles.

"I hope it's not an inconvenience that I called, but I don't think I can text what's on my mind." His voice was clear despite the city noises you can hear from his end.

"All good."

For a moment he stumbles, pausing momentarily in search for words and gather his thoughts. "I don't know what are we honestly. I always thought that we're... Ya know... A thing," again with the vagueness, but you let him continue. "But then you started asking 'what are we', I also started to question that and I can't really return the question around since you're also confused... I... I just don't know how to, y'know, start a conversation about it. I always thought that if we don't talk about it, it would be fine." Uncertainty was in his voice as he rambled, sighing by the end of it. "Why are you asking?"

"I didn't want to assume what our relationship is. I want to avoid overstepping some boundaries. Been there, done that." A bitter laugh originates from your throat, memories of past relationships flooding in your mind. "I just don't want to make you uncomfortable... I... I'm sorry, I overthink a lot of things that sometimes I just make problems in my head and--"

"No, you didn't make it up. I think this has been keeping you up a lot and you just wanted to talk about it properly. I'm sorry for not clarifying sooner," His tone was light and pleasant, there he was again being the warm tug on your cheeks. The anxiety in your chest subsides with his words and honestly, you have no idea how much you can hold on to it before abandoning him all together. "Well then, what do you want us to be?"

There was that question again, this time it came from him. He already thought you guys are a thing, whatever that means, but perhaps now it bears a certain connotation that have just been confirmed and you can't help but to smile.

"I like what we have..." Except now you're now aware of it. Perhaps in time you'd be more comfortable expressing yourself as well. "I guess we are a thing"

"A bit vague but I guess we don't really have a word for it yet," He chuckled on the other side of the line. To be frank, he isn't quite comfortable labelling it as a 'couple' yet. Emphasis on yet. "I'm glad you brought this up."

"You are?" You sheepishly ask, fumbling with your sleeve. "I was always told that I'm just paranoid. Er, everyone says that I am. That everything that I overthink only becomes a problem when I bring them up... So sometimes I just try to shut up because I don't want any trouble and then every problem I 'created' in my mind just plays out and comes apart at the seams and ruins everything."

"Sounds like they're the problem. You're just pointing it out and they're not listening. Let me guess, they blamed you to some degree?"

"Bullseye. No wonder I thought being alone was better," You bitterly chuckled, before sighing. "This is... Stupidly depressing. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. And it's depressingly relatable. But at least we have each other."

That's reassuring, you'll take it. A yawn creeps from your mouth as you responded, "Right."

"Go to bed. It's late already."

"Only if you do the same." Knowing him, he'd skip sleep yet again.

"Fine." He relents with a defeated sigh. "Next time, just address the problems okay? I promise you're not paranoid."

The old you would be in deep doubt. The current you is just relieved at the reassurances sent your way. Heart strings were strummed and you smiled through the haze of sleepiness.

"Promise."

"Alright. Good night, darling."

Half-lidded eyes flew for a moment when you hear the term of endearment, the word rolling off his tongue, pass his lips suddenly envelopes you with warmth in the late, cold night.

"Goodnight, Gavril."

#the bubo series fanfic #gavril game #x reader #partuulla #gavril x reader #this has been sitting in my drafts for some time after i watched manlybadasshero played gavril #then i found the quaint fandom here in tumblr and i #i just had to write something for the rat man #bubo series

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