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#things happen to me BC THAT'S HOW YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL‼‼ YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO HAVE TO KMS EVEN IF I DON'T WANT TO
lyrikmumare · 1 month
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"message for scorpios for what to expect for THIS SOLSTICE 😆😆" do you want to trigger my ocd so fucking badly i don't take any potential advice you're going to give me bc you're scaring me more. fucking hate future-telling astrology and divination and witchcraft pls just leave me the fuck alone
#clyde.txt#they always say the same thing too like MAKE SURE TO START GETTING A MOVE ON ALL THOSE MAJOR LIFE PLANS YOU'VE BEEN COOKING UP 😋😝#LIKE I KNOOOOOW BUT YOU'RE PUTTING ME IN FREEZE MODE A BIT AGAINCAUSE YOU'RE SCARING ME‼‼ I HAVE OCD AND YOU'RE SCARING ME‼‼ NOT HELPING#astrology is fun insofar as guessing and assigning fictional character's signs but good lord this is just evil and not helpful to me at all#literally don't tell me what to do or make me feel like if i don't do anything i'll die and live an unhappy life forever and have bad#things happen to me BC THAT'S HOW YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL‼‼ YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO HAVE TO KMS EVEN IF I DON'T WANT TO#IDK WANT TO HAVE TO FUCKING. LIKE MANIFEST OR CHEAT THE LIFE SYSTEM yes i'm well aware i'm responsible for my own success and happiness#and i do indeed plan to do something about that hopefully sooner rather than later but also like.... i already worry enough i'll never be#happy and will just have no option other than to kms like.... like? shut up. i eat good food and pet my cats and hang out and talk to my#friends i don't need to be on the fucking grindset. but fine i'll call the stupid healthcare provider tomorrow. MAYBE#if u want me to realize my potential than how about we stop having a world and society that isn't hell 🤔🤨 how abt i don't feel valid in#feeling scared to leave the house...? 🤨🤨🤨🤨#the problem is i feel justified with the way i feel abt the world so strongly that idk what's gonna happen that's gonna prove me wrong#and then i can't cope with it either .... which is why i need Mental Help. or epic money
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divorcingjimmatthews · 11 months
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first kiss / confession with jade and kenny hcs ‼
these boys... they're smoochable and that's not my fault... i hope you enjoy
kenny
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he plans it. he wants it to be perfect for you
so he plans a date specifically for it. a picnic
he's planning to confess and then kiss you
but he's so nervous
he's so nervoussss
someone help him
you worry that he's not feeling well?
he realises that his hands are sweating
he can't hold your hands like this so now what?!
internal panic and outward paralisis
you reach for his hand and squeeze it before asking if he's okay. mayb also rub his arm a bit bc kenny needs all the comfort he can get so i won't withhold it from him
he takes one look at you and smiles because of course he has no reason to be nervous. it's you. and he knows he's safe with you
"yeah. i... was just thinking about how much i like you"
his smile when he says it <3<3
you melttt
he's chuckling a bit, so happy and relieved to confirm that you feel the same way
so happy and relieved that he actually forgets about the kiss
it just feels so good to know for sure. you know it's important to him so you make sure you tell him
"you can't like me more than i like you"
before leaning in for the kiss
it's sweet and you're both smiling so much you can barely do it properly
but it is perfect. even with that <3
jade
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completely unplanned
this man is huge on physical touch so when it comes to his friends he's basically as handsy as they'll let him
when he's close and comfortable with someone? just casually resting his head on your shoulder to peek at what you're doing. using you as a pillow on the couch. touching your arm to get your attention. booping your nose. you name it
so it might happen when you're just casually hanging. maybe working on something together, and you're really close. he catches himself getting way too close and immediately apologises.
just silence in which you're practically breathing each other's air, then a quick "sorry" and pulling away, going back to what he was doing and trying to brush it off
but you don't want to brush it off
"n-no, jade. it's okay. i..."
he turns back to you and you've got his attention. it's now or never
you grab his shirt and lean in, eyes closed, stopping just short of letting your lips make contact with his
"...are you sure about this?"
he's not oblivious. he knows you like him. but the fact that you never acted on it made him worry he was not the kind of guy that you'd want a relationship with
his heart kinda flutters at the thought that he actually might be
you manage a few quick nods
he wastes no time closing the distance between you once you give him the okay
jade is. a very skilled kisser. lots of experience. slow and romantic. runs his hands through your hair and tugs it just right
just how much have you practised, jade??
when he pulls away he looks at you like you're the most precious thing on this earth. you are. to him
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Obey Me Romanian MC
idea inspired by @/harunayuuka2060 (too shy to tag them)
Nu ştiu ce inspirație supraomenească m-a lovit dar am început asta la 2 dimineața și am terminat-o la 6.30
Im sleep deprived bc I stayed up all night doing this, enjoy gagicile mele
[added translations]
(under the cut bc this bitch is long af)
Lucifer: Are you not enjoying your meal?
MC: This food isn't even good. Next time I'm bringing my bunica to make you guys sarmale best thing you ever tried 👩‍🍳👌😘 mwah
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MC: I'm not gonna go out with Satan, Beel, Asmo or Belphie.
Asmo: Awww
Beel: :(
Belphie: What?!
Satan: Why?
MC: Why date a guy who's favorite color is not in romanian flag? 🤔🇷🇴
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Asmo: But I thought you could-
MC: For the last time IM NOT A VAMPIRE I CAN'T HYPNOTIZE PEOPLE OR MAKE THEM FALL IN LOVE WITH ME
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Levi: Ohhh!!!! So are you like familiar with Castlevania-
MC: We don't talk about that *cries in disappointed*
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Solomon: What is this weird potion.
MC: *puts bottle of țuică (plum brandy) on the table*
MC: This is not a potion, but a solution to all of your problems gagica 💖
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MC: *talking to Lucifer* Oh iubire (love), stop crying over Diavolo again. Why cry over guy who would wear vagabond everyday in my country?
MC: Tsch tsch tsch
Lucifer: What the fuck is Vagabond
MC: Only the worst of streetwear existent. Only f-boys use it
Lucifer: Fair enough
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Beel: Why do you want to try out for the sports team?
MC: Because Steaua, my country's team, disappointed me 😔
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MC: Mammon! Asmo! Let me show you guys a thing called ✨manele✨
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(after the Belphie incident)
MC: Does anybody have a belt.... a belt so I can...no reason...papuci de casă (slippers) works too
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MC: Hey Belphie! Did you enjoy your punishment? 😜
Belphie: My butt still hurts...
MC: Next time it's the lingură de lemn ♡ (wooden spoon)
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*MC dancing to Braşoveanca*
Mammon: W-what's that???
Satan: Some sort of ritual I suppose
Asmo: *joining in* It's fun!
MC: Doi✌paşi🦵înainte➡️şi😱doi😩înapoi⬅️ (two steps forward two steps back)
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MC: Who has summoned me?
Satan: Belphie isn't feeling well and the medicine didn't really do it's job.
MC: Everyone watch closely because I'm going to teach you guys a sacred ritual called ✨Frecție cu Oțet✨
Satan: You're just pouring vinegar on his wrist.
MC: Now here comes the fun part. *maggages his wrists*
Belphie: Someone please kill me this is unbearable
MC: Am I allowed to say Tatăl Nostru (Lord's prayer) or is that too....uhhh weird since yall are demons and stuff-
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Barbatos: MC...
MC: I'm sorry but crossing myself after I finish a meal is implemented in my brain. It's in the default settings.
Barbatos: What happens if you don't cross yourself?
MC: Lingura de lemn (wooden spoon) *shivers*
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Diavolo: Do you like my castle?
MC: Baby, Peleş puts you to shame.
MC: Also, too much current (swift). Close the damn windows
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Lucifer, giving up on life: Oh not again...
MC: DA PĂ CIMPOI DA PĂ CIMPOI JOACĂ FETELE LA NOI 👉👈😳
MC: Real music here 😌
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MC: There, there gacica (girlfriend). Don't cry. *pats him on the back*
Lucifer: Do you got any more țuică...
MC: That's the spirit!
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MC: I know I technically didn't die, but can we please have a funeral??? There is this really tasty cake just for this special occasion called colivă. Beel is okay with it so- hey don't ignore me! wait guys this is important- wAIT!
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Satan: I hate Lucifer because he is my father.
Belphie: I hate Lucifer because he sucks in general.
MC: I hate Lucifer because Favorite color is red which is COMMUNISM COLOUR 😡‼
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Solomon: See?? MC likes my cooking!
MC: Piftie...Caltaboş...
MC: Solomon, you would make a very good romanian housewife. Say, have you ever considered getting a 701st wife...?
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Beel: *munching happily on the food MC makes*
Lucifer: *getting a fucking break*
MC: *making grătar(barbeque) cu mici*
MC: Everybody loves 1 Mai!
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MC: Beelphiiieee!!!! I have a spell for you 😊
Belphie: Please not the lingură de lemn-
MC: *boop on the nose* ✨du-te dracu✨ (go to hell)
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Lucifer: How did you make everyone behave?
MC: *looking at the papuc de casă in hand*
MC: You either die a hero...or live enough to become the villain...
Lucifer: Interesting, can you teach me?
MC: The secret is to use your wrist-
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MC, whispering: Psst! Mammon! How's the sarmale trading going?
Mammon: Its okay, but why can't you just give me the recipe?
MC: E din moşi strămoşi (it's from older generations) I can't give it to you
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MC: Hey pisi, want a ride in my Dacia?
Simeon: ...what? :)
MC: Come on gagica(girlfriend)! We are going to visit my family they will love you!
MC: You can also bring Luke. Just uhhh don't let him drink from the "juicebox" ok? It's not- It's not juice in there
MC: But you can drink. I won't tell anyone.
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Diavolo: MC you can't leave yet. Not even for a quick visit back home.
MC: Auzi, da du-te-n p- (well why don't you fuck yourself on my dic-)
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MC: *sigh* Sometimes I wish Satan was wearing Vagabond instead of...whatever that is
Asmo: Ouch, but yeah I guess we are that desperate.
Satan: I'm never tutoring any of you again.
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MC and Luke, just vibing honestly: ⬇️Intră-n👇apa🌊mării🐚şi🐋nu🐟te🙄teme😱ai😳să-nveți🤯să-noți🐠printre🤔sirene🧜‍♀️🧜‍♂️
(go in the sea's water and don't you be afraid you'll learn to swim among mermaids)
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MC: No Asmo, I have a date to the ball he's right here *points at țuică bottle*
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Belphie: *misbehaving*
MC: Vai, vai, vai. Sărumâna Belphie 😃 ( well, well, well good day Belphie)
MC: *grabs the papuc (slipper)*
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MC: NO LUCIFER IT CAN NOT BE AN AN NOU FERICIT (happy new year) IF WE DO NOT DANCE THE HORĂ
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MC and Luke, vibing yet again: POVEȘTI DIN FOLCLORUL MAGHIAR!!! (maghiar folklore stories!)
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MC: Where is my țuică? :)
Everyone: *quiet*
MC: I won't get mad :)
MC:
MC: Foaie verse de trifoi~ *papuc reappears* Dați băi țuica înapoi (green leaf of clover, give the țuică back you fucker)
Everybody: *runs*
MC: Mândruțelor (girls), come back until I'll put this to good use
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Levi: *exists*
MC: *in love with him bc his fav color is in the Romanian flag and not in the commie flag*
MC: Te las să te lingi cu mime în parcare la lidl (I'll let you french kiss me in the Lidl market parking lot)
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MC: Lucifer you don't understand!
MC: Sandu Ciorbă cured my depression!
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MC: Muie cretinii pământului (fuck y'all stupid asses) my țuică is back and I'm not sharing anymore
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Asmo: We're doing hot girl shit tonight
MC: Ne curvim rău (we're hoeing)
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MC: futu-ți cristelnița mătii (fuck your mother's font) Simeon you're the one that drank all my țuică
MC: I'll let it slide this once, if u take me for shaorma(shawarma) in Piața Victoriei (Victoria's market)
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Solomon: Whoops, I accidentally messed up the sarmale recipe
MC: Aşadar războiu alesu l-ai (So you have chosen war)
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Mammon: MC, how do you say "I hate you" in romanian?
MC: Dar eu sunt mândru că sunt twink. (I'm proud to be a twink)
Mammon, clueless: ok thanks
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MC, to Belphie: I had such a rough day, please fute-mi una (fuck me over) and not the way I like
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Mammon: What would be a quick way to make money?
MC: Gagica(girlfriend), listen. Culegător de sparanghel (asparagus picker) in Spain is your go-to.
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Asmo: *blasting manele vechi (old manele).2006*
Asmo: Please love me!
MC: *already in wedding attire*
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MC: Beel! Here, try this! Yeah yeah its completely fine!
MC: ...what do you mean it looks like Solomon's cooking?
MC: THIS IS PIFTIE AND YOU WILL LEARN TO APPRECIATE IT
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MC: *dragging them all by the hand to therapy*
MC: Păi aşa-i hora pe la noi măi bade- (This is hora to us well my mans)
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MC, talking to Lucifer: Măi omu lu dumnezeu îți fut una de nu te vezi (listen God's man I'll fuck you over that you'll not see again) if u lay a finger on my țuică again
MC: I don't care that you have daddy issues, this is MINE now thank you very much.
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MC: Doamne cu ce ți-am greşit? (God, what have I done to you?)
MC: tanti Lilith, ia-mă cu tine gagicuțo milf ce ești (Miss Lilith, take me with you you milf girlfriend)
MC: Chiar și culesul de căpșuni din Spania era mai ok dacât (even strawberry picking in Spain is better than) Therapist Simulator hell edition
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Diavolo: *exists*
MC: Vrei să-ți fiu a ta mireasă? (Do you want me to be your wife?)
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Simeon: *exists*
MC: Vrei să-ți fiu Ileană Cosânzeană? ( Want me to be your fairy wife?)
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Belphie: Every time I doze off they say this weird phrase...
MC: Dormeo(mattress company) ! Noapte bună! (good night!)
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MC: What do you mean im not allowed to have a cross around my neck?
MC: My dead grandmother would kill me it's Sfântu Andrei for fucks sake
MC: The law is law we gotta put garlic and salt everywhere around the house
MC: This is what you get from taking my țuică away AGAIN
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MC: I mean, at least i dont have to take the bacalaureat and face the woman-hating-Ion-Creangă-fucking-twink-looking-nightmare-inducing Eminescu so
MC: *drinks a Mona Spirt (rubbing alcohol) bottle in one go*
MC: that works wonders for me
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