#theyre not even that difficult i have all the component parts prewritten so i can just copy paste relevant things or whatever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

toastsnaffler · 9 months

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maaan i was having breakfast w my flatmate this morning and she'd already done all her jobhunting stuff for the day extra early so she can play videogames and im rly glad shes able to motivate herself like that but also seeing the steam popup notifying me shes playing smth makes me feel like the kid who didnt finish the work and has to stay in the classroom during break watching their friends play outside

#it takes me like. the entire day just to do a measly 2 applications #theyre not even that difficult i have all the component parts prewritten so i can just copy paste relevant things or whatever #like i probably only cumulatively spend an hour a day doing this shit. but my executive function is so fucking terrible #so it takes forever and ever just to get myself started on it and then i cant stay focused at ALL bc i fucking hate doing it #and it feels so pointless bc w jobs its abt the quantity of apps u send out. i have friends who churn out 30-40 a week minimum #and then they still only get like 2 interviews how the fuck am i ever gonna get a single 1 at this pace im already trying my hardest #its so embarrassing i feel like a complete fucking loser i hate having adhd i hate bending myself backwards for the most basic shit #and im disabled so theres some stuff i cant do/struggle with and everyones like yeah theyll discriminate against u bc of it that sucks #like ik i dont need to be told that!!!!!!!!! or theyll be rly patronising and tell me not to mention that shit im not fucking stupid #but also its kind of difficult to avoid it coming up when i cant even answer fucking phone calls bc im too fucking deaf #and then im so exhausted by the end of the day i have no energy left to do anything creative or fun i just have to sit down and cry #or sometimes i play videogames or smth but my attention span by then has dropped off completely so i cant even enjoy it #genuinely soulsucking shit. having a job would probably suck too but i dont think itd be half as bad as this. uni wasnt even this bad #psyching myself up every morning only to want to kms every evening. what a world we live in #whatever. whatever i need to pull my shit together and get smth done today. uhgdhfkjhdhfghkf. sorry for complaining on main #.diaries #.vent

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