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edwardelricsrightarm · 3 years

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"A lesson without pain is meaningless. For you cannot gain anything without sacrificing something else in return, but once you have overcome it and made it your own...you will gain an irreplaceable fullmetal heart." - Edward Elric

In honor of disability month and the FMA 20 year anniversary I wanted to address some Thoughts™️ about the series.

It's not often you see a disabled protagonist in media where their disability is integral to the story without taking up their entire character, even more so with anime. Yet, Fullmetal Alchemist has not just one disabled Protagonist, but two. The Elric Brothers are an exemplary representation of disability in media that I find myself reflecting on often as a disabled person myself. If you haven't completed the manga or Brotherhood, skip this as it will be brimming with spoilers.

(Mangahood will be my point of reference because while 03 is good on its own merits it's not as fresh within my immediate memory, and I am far less familiar with it. Keep this in mind, I've watched FMAB 10 and a half times whereas I've finished 03 only once years ago.)

The story highlights their disabilities immediately, Edward being a double amputee and Alphonse being without his ENTIRE body, only having the senses of proprioception, sight, and hearing left. Yet, despite this being key to the story and an integral part of their characterization, it is only one facet of their motivations and doesn't take center in the narrative, which is refreshing. It's not inherently negative to make a narrative centered on the characters' disabilities, but often this model of a story goes very wrong very fast and starts to feel hollow (no pun intended). FMA avoids this by making their disabilities a clear part of the plot and their motivations without allowing it to consume the entire story, so the Elric Brothers don't suffer the "my disability is all of my character" problem that many disabled characters are relegated to in a vast portion of media, all while being strong and competent.

Recap:

The brothers wished to revive their mother, but their good intentions cannot change the atrocity of their mistake, Truth makes this abundantly clear from the start. Edward loses his leg first, a punishment for "stepping" into God's shoes and transgressing the place of humans in their world. Alphonse loses his entire body, unable to feel any warmth or simple comforts like food and rest, when all he wanted was to feel the warmth and comfort of his mother's embrace again. At first, Alphonse's entire being is consumed by the gate, but Edward acts immediately, refusing to lose his little brother and refusing to allow his arrogance in this plan to cause his brother's death for only following his lead. Edward gives his right arm to have the gate give back Alphonse's soul, and stated clearly in his panic that he'd give his entire self to save Alphonse if that's what it would take, but Truth took his dominant arm only, showing something akin to mercy, although the character of Truth is capriciously strict and hard to describe as "merciful".

Through giving up his right arm, Edward regains his Right Hand Man, his little brother and best friend. His only remaining family, who he feels responsible for protecting in the absence of their parents. He felt immediately that he'd made a grave mistake, instantly full of regret as he realized the gate had taken his brother. In that moment he was willing to give anything to take it back and undo the suffering his arrogance caused his brother, yet Alphonse was still to suffer more to come. Ed tied Alphonse's disembodied soul to one of Hohenheim's collected suits of armor, managing to at least keep his brother alive in some way. One could say that Alphonse's punishment functioned as a secondary punishment for Edward, showing him how easily his hubris could have cost him what he has left in his obsession with regaining what they'd lost, their mother. A very clear symbolic reminder of the weight of his actions and how he'd misled his brother in his own naive ignorance. Even in giving another limb away to drag his brother's soul back out of the gate, he couldn't offer enough to bring him back intact. Thus is the law of equivalent exchange.

Now that we've reviewed some of that basic symbolism and the motifs the story draws upon with limbs and body parts in relation to characters, let's move on to each individual brother and break it down, shall we?

Edward Elric is a very realistic protagonist, this is one thing a majority of us familiar with this series can agree upon. He feels like a believable teen boy, with layers of complexity to his character while also showing arrogance and immaturity that is unsurprising at his age. He expresses unwillingness to kill and avoidance of unjust violence from the beginning, and has a strong moral code after the ordeal of committing the taboo.

In some characters his cocky personality would typically become grating, yet the story explains in itself why he is this way, then builds upon this to develop him into an incredibly mature character who is willing to admit when he's absolutely wrong and adapts to new information and context for the crisis unfolding around him as it comes, even if he remains crass. This arrogance is shown from the start to be a manifestation of insecurity, self loathing, and repressed guilt. Edward is a logic driven person, he has a very unique thought process, which is where my interpretation of him as autistic comes in. Edward's awkward social demeanor, somewhat abrasive and cold approach to some, and his trouble coping with nonsensical societal structures all stand out in this way. Furthermore he clearly shows hyperfixation, hyperactivity, special interest, and infodumping behaviors that are all too familiar. He's picky with food (*cough* the milk thing), has very little filter and speaks his mind bluntly even if this can warrant conflicting responses, yet at the same time struggles with vulnerable emotions, and he is frustrated when his own routine or itinerary are interrupted by forces beyond his control. All of these things Scream autism with comorbid ADHD. Many traits are shared between the brothers, and I'm quite certain they're both on the autism spectrum based on behavioral patterns. Neurodivergence aside, Edward's physical disabilities are undeniable.

Despite his bratty persona, Edward is fundamentally kind and uncharacteristically gentle and soft around the edges for a shonen protagonist in many ways. He cries openly on many occasions even if he struggles talking about his trauma and burdens in words at times, he feels pain, grief, and compassion so intensely it throws him into action on a regular basis in the narrative. In this way he's also a fantastic example of non-toxic masculinity (though in other ways he has displayed more toxic traits, he's just a kid). He acts on his heart, even if he's led by his mind and logic in most things. His humanity, value for life, and care for others will always win over his logic, and he shows a sense of personal responsibility for doing the right thing even if it harms him in the process. Ed is clearly shown having ghost pains in his lost limbs which is honestly an interesting detail to include, I don't think I've ever seen that aspect of amputation shown in media aside from FMA. It's also shown that when Ed's automail arm breaks this is a HUGE problem for him, but he's also shown to be very good at working around this in difficult circumstances. He doesn't become completely helpless, even if majorly weakened.

Alphonse is an extremely lovable and compassionate boy, brimming with altruism and care for others. Even in his noncorporeal state he pursues a better future and he's not helpless by any stretch. Edward clearly states Alphonse is the superior fighter for example, and it's not just because of his armor body being so large. He's *talented*, that's a fact. Al is every bit as clever and capable as Ed, moreso in some ways, and I love that about his character *because* he's so clearly disabled. He has no sense of pain, he is completely incapable of sleeping, he can't eat, can't relax or find comfort, he can only exist and think. This causes him to overthink in all his time alone, this is debilitating. He clearly is absolutely sick of the loneliness this causes, and he often feels helpless though he's not. He has doubts and fears that consume him in relation to his armor body, he questions his own personhood, even. Yet, Edward is stubborn and staunch in affirming that no matter what he's dealing with, he is fundamentally still a human being that is loved and irreplaceable. Alphonse is powerful and his body gives him some advantages, but it also sets him back, and the brothers know this even when others claim Alphonse's state is somehow a good thing. I have hEDS, a disability that comes with advantages as well as the major downsides, so I can understand and relate to Alphonse here. I too am told my disability is a boon because of flexibility and because I'm less likely to fracture bones, but I'm twice as likely to injure my ligaments and joints, which people ignore.

The brothers are both disabled, both flawed, both show weaknesses, but they are competent, determined, and strong in their own right. They are rounded characters that exist for more than to be pitied or condescended to by able bodied characters around them. They put their entire being in everything that they do no matter what that is, and they don't know the meaning of giving up. These traits that they're made of truly make them a shining example of disability in protagonists for others to look to for reference when writing their own disabled characters.

Even though by the end Edward has regained one limb and Al has regained his body, this also doesn't just deus ex machina reverse their disability or make it go away. It's clear that Alphonse's body is weak and has to be rehabilitated upon recovery, and Edward is still missing his leg and bears the scars and pieces of the port from his automail arm. They weren't suddenly made able bodied upon recovering these things, they reclaimed what was lost through struggle and grit, but the narrative didn't give the impression that their disability in itself was something to be fixed, which is important. They wanted to recover their bodies, but this doesn't erase the effects of their disability.

It was about Edward atoning for leading Alphonse into their mistake and saving his brother from suffering further, it was about them proving they can keep moving forward no matter what, not about getting rid of their disability in itself or putting themselves down because of the disabilities. This, to me, as a mentally and physically disabled viewer, is so important. They achieve their goal, but this doesn't in any way erase or undo the effects of their initial losses, they find ways to adapt and move on but they're still affected and still disabled. They always will be. That can be so important to see in comfort characters, and as a disabled individual who's had both brothers as comfort characters since I was a child, their impact on my own journey is surprisingly tangible for fiction.

#fmab #fullmetal alchemist brotherhood #fma #edward elric #alphonse elric #elric brothers #character analysis #disability month #disability positivity #disabled #fma 20th anniversary

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steve0discusses · 5 years

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Yugioh S3 Ep 19: Seto and Mokuba are Turned Into Inanimate Objects...Again

Last we left off on the world’s most awkward family reunion, Moki was being used to take advantage of Seto again, which happens at least 2 times a season.

What’s kind of wild about this, is that everyone jumps to the conclusion that Seto is absolutely going to murder his little brother. Seto. The guy who 2 seasons ago was willing to absolutely jump off a ledge for his little brother.

And then suddenly, Duke makes his feelings known about just life in general at this point.

Duke in the background just spiraling deeper and deeper into his IDGAF apathy. And to be honest, Duke might not be fully aware of who Mokuba even is. It’s not like they’ve ever had a conversation, other than maybe “ah, you work for Pegasus, he locked me in a tower for weeks and then killed me by turning me into a little paper card and then tried to seize control of my company. Nice. Nice that he isn’t in jail.”

In fact, since Duke does work with Pegasus who probably is still doing his best to compete with/work with the Kaiba business...Duke actually has a lot to gain, business wise, by killing Mokuba. Like, I’m pretty sure Duke isn’t a mole but he could be. He has...a lot of motive, actually.

If bro hadn’t straight up told me that Duke isn’t a mole like I suspected, than I’d still be waiting for that other shoe to drop. But it won’t. A shame.

Anyways this shows up:

All I’m saying is that a black hole is an astronomical region in space and a dark hole is very often a butthole, but youknow...maybe that’s just a very particular English language thing that no one will ever teach you from a textbook and it just didn’t quite get translated over correctly. But yeah, in my eye, Noah's just up there holding up a sphincter. It’s very fitting, he is an asshole. Congrats, Noah Kaiba, you’ve found your card.

Meanwhile, Yugi is doing his very best to try and backseat, even if Kaiba instinctively slaps it out of his hands at every opportunity.

So I figured that he’d mention that both of these boys carry these card lockets around their necks with a little picture of the other brother inside--a little thing they carry for no other reason than to remember eachother. Which makes sense, because Kaiba forgets things SO OFTEN. The necklace around their necks is almost like those bracelets you wear to let police and medics know if you’re prone to narcolepsy--it even has a nice picture inside to indicate “please return this boy to this pictured person in case you find him wandering about completely lost.”

I kinda figured that necklace would be used at some point but nah, we’re gonna talk about cards. Which is fine, because we get to see this good drawing Mokuba made once.

Which, PS, it was sort of hard to pick up on the first time Kaiba talked about this period of his life, but this time when he talked about this incident it like...left quite a bit highly implied there by what Seto meant when he said Mokuba “saved me.” It’s some pretty heavy stuff that kind of gets blown over by the massive magic dragon that shows up in the next scene and then just flies Mokuba, who is wearing very cute fuzzy socks, up into the sky and into the moon like ET.

Nowadays they do this by hanging off of Helicopters, but flying on dangerous things to escape their horrible childhood has been their Fantasy for a very long time. These kids and their obsession with heights and dangerous ledges.

And apparently it was this moment in his youth that Seto decided he wanted to be “worthy enough to hold a Blue Eyes.” And like...I remember S1 Seto. That was the worthy Seto?

I guess “worthy enough” doesn’t really imply any sort of moral code, just if you have enough money and can like play cards pretty OK.

Anyways, it was a lot of new stuff applied to this card that I just only recently accepted as a GF and so it was like “All right show, I see what you’re doing, I guess we’re going to walk slowly out of the paper romance realm and into...some sort of card-honor brother realm.”

So, using the Blue Eyes, Kaiba destroys a bunch of Gradius ships, which Noah was like “These Gradius ships represent our Father’s company!” in case you’re a child and didn’t see the symbolism. And, along the way, he destroys what he thinks is Noah’s Game Master card but like...it’s this show, so apparently inside the Boat was another dude and the game is going to keep on going, fml.

Ah buckle up this...this is going to be a long one. This is going to be a lot more cards, huh?

Anyway, when I saw this card that is clearly based on a couple of Gods I was like “so um...isn’t that a...God card?” so I looked it up, also because it was BS and I was frustrated that it was even here after the boat thing ended, and this card is a...get this...a Fairy card.

Cuz it has wings? Like a Seraphim? Everything about this looks like a conglomeration of different Gods but--I guess since God Cards can only have the 4 God Cards, this is a...Fairy card. Interesting. That is a huge ass Fairy. Yugioh biology really eludes me.

Anyway, First thing Noah does as a fairy is destroy his younger brother who is also older than him, don’tthinkaboutit. He’s again sporting the poorly photoshopped glowing romper that the dub gave us in order to spare us.

Hey!

Question!

So when Noah’s wearing the game Master outfit, he’s ass naked underneath--but the Big 5 weren’t? Like wouldn’t the Big 5 have had the same issue of Noah here where they have no body, so whatever they’re wearing is just whatever they’re in?

Meaning that when they were all shoved in Tristan’s body wouldn’t they have just been 5 naked fat old guys hanging out like a European sauna?

Or is this just Noah’s preference? To be ass naked when no one’s looking? Because he’s been here all alone for 6 years, so why the hell not? Like, no one cares. No one’s looking. You can’t get splinters or whatever. Just let it all hang loose, man, it’s not even a real body.

Like, if you look closely, Noah only has ... one outfit he’s had here for 6 years. I’ve noticed this maybe more than most because...it’s not a great outfit. He had that same suit and shorts combo right after he woke up and got out of his jammies from the accident all those years ago. He also wore a space suit once, but that was a Birthday present from Dad and I haven't seen the suit since.

Did Noah recognize that People Are Coming and was like “oh dammit, dammit, I have to cover the goods” and just throw on literally the only thing in his closet? The office shorts combo from 6 years ago? Is that why? Is that the big secret of the baby boy suit shorts? That he, in reality, never really wears them?

Questions about nudity aside, out of freakin no where Noah just turns the Kaibas into this:

Noah spent like 20 episodes saying no one is ever allowed to cheat and then just flippin does this and is like “What? It’s almost legal enough.”

I mean, it’s not like there’s any official rules for Duel Monsters anyway but apparently you can just turn each other into statuary and it’s like...fine. That’s fine.

Also, fun fact, about Yugioh statues, they come with eyeliner built in.

So much dedication to the guyliner in this show, mad respect.

And yes, I have sort of thought that Moki’s been sporting a teeny tiny Adam Lambert line this whole time. Like most our cast, honestly. But not Joey. I feel like Joey would never have the patience to learn how to waterline.

I mean the Kaiba’s are essentially brain dead, yes? Their brain functions have been removed and uploaded to the cloud to never be downloaded back into their vegetable bodies? That counts enough for me.

Seto Kaiba just 2 corpses away from 169ing the Hell out of that death scene. A shame.

Bro was like “well at least this crying statue stuff is more like something that normally happens in a kid’s show.” and I was like “THIS? So this ever happened in Pokemon?” and bro was like “It did actually, Ash Ketchum was turned into stone and then cried as a rock statue, and then Pikachu hugged him to make him all better” And as you may be aware my bro is full of spicy headcanons so I’m not sure if that’s actually true but it was like

“Bro, was Ash Ketchum ever turned to stone because his abusive Father’s secret son, who has been turned into an evil computer, wants to kill his brother and then take over his body to run the Patriots from Metal Gear? That happened on Pokemon?” And Bro admitted “Ok, maybe not so much.”

Anyway, Pharaoh awakens to put a stop to this nonsense by bringing up the long list of things that Noah did just now that is absolutely cheating.

Anyway, this is Noah now.

He’s just this...huge 100 story tall person with very bored judgy eyes just floating in the sky with vaguely religious iconography going on and bunch of wings like that one character design that we all have in our portfolio. Yeah, you know the one. It’s this guy. We’ve all drawn this guy. Anyway, it’s going to be very hard to take him seriously when this guy has Noah’s voice.

Again, he is not, he is ass naked in there, though the dub did try and cover it up.

Anyway, next episode we get to basically start this entire duel over.

That’s nice. That’s nice of them to do to me. At least these kids finally got a chance to do some duel prep for the actual tourney they’re supposed to be doing later this season. Yeah. Remember that apocalypse? That’s still going on somehow. Maybe by the time they’ll get to it, most of the competitors will be dead?

Here’s a link to read the recaps in order from S1 Ep1

#yugioh #yu gi oh #episode recap #photo recap #S3 Ep19 #tw suicide #seto kaiba #noah kaiba #yugi muto #joey wheeler #duke devlin #Noah is now a giant 6 winged angel #The Kaibas are rock statues #unfortunately this time they are in a much harder to transport state #you can't put a statue into your pants pocket so rip

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lady-divine-writes · 6 years

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Kurtbastian one-shot “Social Climber” (Rated PG13)

On a visit to New York City, Kurt and Sebastian drop by Vogue to see how the fashion world is getting along with Kurt Hummel's presence five days a week. But while they're there, they run into a situation that brings up painful memories from Kurt's past, as well as Sebastian's role in them. (3829 words)

Notes: If this one-shot makes you feel some sort of way, be sure to read the notes at the end.

Part 47 of Daddies

Read on AO3.

“Woo-wee! Swanky!” Sebastian strolls a circuit around Kurt’s office, giving the place a once over from the carpeted floors to the higher-than-normal ceiling, which, along with the pale white walls, keeps the room bright with the help of sunlight alone - no overhead lighting required during the day. An abundance of natural light is probably necessary for looking at photographs of beautiful people dressed in stylish but revealing clothing, Sebastian thinks. Why did he ever make fun of Kurt’s obsession with fashion for so long? Compared to what Sebastian stares at all day, Kurt obviously ended up with the better career. He trails his fingertips over the slick surface of Kurt’s desk. The second he touches it, it goes dark and a menu pops up. Sebastian’s eyes go wide. “A touch screen? This … this desk has a built in touch screen?”

“A-ha. It replaces my laptop. It handles everything from page layouts …” Kurt demonstrates, selecting a tab that brings up a slideshow of what Sebastian assumes to be next month’s magazine, each section highlighted and available for editing “… to the blinds on the windows.” Kurt taps another tab and the blinds lower. When they reach the sill, Kurt clicks the tab and they lift again.

Sebastian whistles through his teeth. “Isabelle gave you an office? This office? Even though you only come here, like, once a month?”

“Yes, sir.” Kurt watches his husband continue his investigation, preening at his praise. It’s not often Kurt has something that makes Sebastian this jealous. Kurt plans on enjoying every minute of it.

“Wow. I worked at my father’s office for years and all he ever gave me was a blotter and a pen set. Vogue must have a bigger hard-on for you than I do.”

“Nah. Vogue is like the Hilton. They have a bunch of empty offices like this one sitting around empty, waiting for people to fill them. They just gave me one of the leftovers.”

Sebastian, staring out Kurt’s window at his phenomenal view, throws an astonished look over his shoulder. “Really?”

Kurt laughs. “No, not really! Sebastian! This is a corner office! They don’t hand out corner offices to just anyone! They love me here!”

“Mr. Hummel?” A soft knock follows. “Mr. Hummel, I have those back issues you requested.”

“Great! Thank you, Celia!” Kurt hurries over to the door to collect an armful of vintage magazines from the young blonde woman standing there. “I’ve been trying to order these from every library on the east coast with no luck,” he says, sifting through the pile. “Most of these haven’t been uploaded to the Internet yet. I should have known Vogue would have them. We’ve got a huge vault full of clothes. Why not magazines, too?”

“What do you need these for?” Sebastian asks, taking half the leaning pile of periodicals from his husband’s arms.

“My new line. I want to encompass one iconic look from every major shift in couture fashion. I’m calling it The Legacy Boutique.”

“That sounds like a lot of work,” Sebastian comments, his impressed tone clouded by the distraction of Celia lingering in the doorway, aiming inscrutable looks at the two of them that Kurt doesn’t seem to notice. As a gay man in fashion, Kurt is probably used to people gawking at him. Sebastian has been gawked at tons of times, too, but it’s not something he’s ever gotten used to.

“It will be.” Kurt puts his portion of the magazines on his desk, the screen shuffling to keep the information displayed out from underneath. Sebastian can’t help but shake his head at Kurt’s high tech desk, as well as the other bells and whistles his office has. It seems excessive, but Kurt deserves it. Sebastian is glad someone else in the world appreciates his husband as much as he does. “I want to have some sketches done by the end of the month.”

“Kurt! Sebastian! I was hoping I would catch the two of you while you were here!” Isabelle moves Celia gently aside and sweeps in, rushing forward with open arms. “It’s not often I get the honor of having both of you in my neck of the woods!”

“You didn’t think we’d come to New York without stopping by, did you?” Kurt asks, giving his boss a hug. “Besides, I wanted to see how you’re all getting along without me.”

“Abysmally.” Isabelle kisses Kurt on both cheeks, then Sebastian. “It’s so much more fun when you’re here. Remember what I said, if you ever want to move your family to the city, even part time, we’d love to have you. Five of the best elementary schools in New York are within walking distance of our building.”

“A bus ride and a walk,” Kurt points out.

“True. But you can use the company car. It’ll be at your disposal 24/7.”

“I promise we’ll think about it,” Sebastian intervenes, giving Kurt an out since he knows how much it breaks his heart to say no to Isabelle. “If nothing else, I promise we’ll visit more.”

“And you’ll bring Thomas with you next time, right?” She glares sternly at Sebastian, leaving Kurt to wonder when exactly he got edged out of this conversation.

“Of course,” Kurt adds, in case Isabelle honestly forgot he was there.

She pulls them in for another hug. “That’s all I ask. Ooo, except, it’s not. Kurt, I was hoping you’d sit in on this morning’s meeting. I want to show you off.”

“Sure! I’d love to! Oh …” Kurt turns to his husband, sheepish for having jumped the gun so quickly. They did have plans after all, which consisted of lunch (mostly naked) back at their penthouse before they had to swing by Ohio and pick up Thomas from a visit with his dad “… are you going to be alright for a couple of minutes by yourself?”

Celia walks up to Sebastian, ready to take his arm. “You don’t have to be alone. I’ll gladly give you a tour if you’d like.”

“Nah, I’ve been,” Sebastian says, side-stepping her before she can reach him. “Besides, I’m good to hang here … enjoy the view … rifle through the desk drawers looking for loose change.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Isabelle pecks one last kiss on Sebastian’s cheek. “I’ll return him to you soon!”

“Yes, thank you.” Kurt wraps his arms around Sebastian’s waist and steals a kiss from him as well, this one on the lips, before he’s whisked out of the room by Isabelle and her non-stop chatter.

“You two lovebirds will have the entire afternoon for that when you get back to your place! It’s time to talk about this new line you’ve got planned!”

Sebastian listens as Isabelle drags Kurt down the hall, leaving him alone in Kurt’s office with Celia, standing not too far from Kurt’s desk, staring at Sebastian as if waiting for him to strike up a conversation. Internally, Sebastian sighs. This wasn’t what he signed on for when Kurt suggested they drop by Vogue. He was hoping for a little office nookie, though he was pretty certain he wasn’t going to get any. He doesn’t mind visiting Isabelle and listening to her talk on and on about fashion, even if he doesn’t know a bralette from a tank top. He doesn’t mind hanging out in Kurt’s office while Kurt sits in on a meeting that will most likely run two-and-a-half hours before he remembers he has somewhere else he needs to be.

What he doesn’t like is being left alone with someone he doesn’t know, having to make small-talk he doesn’t have the impetus to make. But eventually her staring gets to him. He has to say something either way before he starts maniacally screeching just to break the tension.

“Can you play Galaga on this thing?” he asks, acting as enthralled by Kurt’s fancy new desktop as he can. “Does it get cable?”

“I’m not sure,” Celia answers in a much smoother voice than she’d used around her boss … or his husband.

The question Why don’t you run along and find out? jumps to mind, but Sebastian doesn’t want it getting back to Kurt that he was rude to the woman who essentially fulfills the role of gofer every time he’s in town. He takes a deep breath and decides to play nice, find a way to ask her to leave that won’t have Kurt giving him the silent treatment all the way to Ohio.

Not with the afternoon they have planned.

“Celia … you’re Isabelle’s intern right? Filling Kurt’s shoes from, like, over a decade ago?”

“That’s right,” she says, but offers nothing more.

Sebastian side-eyes her as he walks from bookcase to bookcase, examining with a smile the photos and trinkets Kurt chose to leave here – a brief history of their life together in snapshots and tchotchkes. He glances her way, but she hasn’t moved, watching him like a hawk with an unsettling grin on her face.

“I’m not actually going to steal anything,” he says, hoping she’ll get the hint and vamoose. “You don’t have to stick around and guard the place.”

She saunters in his direction. “I’m not. But, for the moment, I don’t have much to do.”

“Must be nice” - Sebastian switches gears, walking in the opposite direction - “working at a prestigious place like Vogue and being paid to do nothing. How do I apply for a job like that? I mean, my husband makes bank. I don’t know a thing about fashion, but I think I could match a shirt to some pants for the amount of money he makes. Plus, we could share this office. It’s big enough for the two of us … our son and his dog …”

“I’ve seen your picture around Kurt’s office,” she says, overlooking Sebastian’s repeated references to his family. “You’re a very handsome man.”

“I know.”

“How did he get so lucky?” She runs her fingertips along the edge of Kurt’s desk, which pisses Sebastian off. Sebastian may joke about Kurt only being around once a month or so, but Kurt has been with Vogue for years. He worked hard for his office and that super cool desk. She has no right touching it without his express permission. “I’ve seen pictures of his ex, too. What’s his name? Blaine?”

“Yup.” He tries not to sound affected. He suspects that’s what she wants. “That’s his name.”

“Three sexy men from Ohio.” She chuckles. “What’s in the water out there?”

“Mostly fish pee, I think.”

“If I knew all the hunks lived there, I definitely would have gone to high school in the states, not spent my formative years in Italy.”

“Well, the hunks in question happen to be gay,” he stresses, making his way towards the door, “so you didn’t really miss anything.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I heard Blaine was questioning …”

“I guess so,” Sebastian replies. When in the hell did Blaine become such a hot topic of conversation at fucking Vogue? The gossip train may run rampant, but Kurt and Blaine are ancient history. “But I think he sorted that out pretty quick from what I hear.”

“And how about you?”

“How about me what?” Sebastian snaps, everything from his stomach to his neck getting hot.

“Were you ever questioning?”

Celia asking that makes his skin crawl. It’s not just personal, it’s rude as hell! But that’s something he’s come to expect the few times he’s visited Vogue. Filters don’t seem to be required to get hired.

“No, not that I can recall. And what the fuck would it matter if I was!? I’m definitely not now!”

“Come on … not even a little?” She closes the distance between them faster than he’d expected and he trips backward. “How do you know you don’t like something until you try it?”

“Does this ever work for you?” Sebastian asks, realizing Celia doesn’t seem interested in responding to something as petty as logic.

“I would say around 50-50. Come on. I could open a whole new world for you.”

Her answer, and the smug expression that accompanies it, enrages Sebastian.

“What the heck’s wrong with you, lady!?”

Women like her who try to ‘convert’ gay men should be forced onto some sort of registry, along with men who think that lesbians just need to be fucked by the ‘right guy’. Who else has she been pursuing at Vogue? The amount of young people around that office is staggering – interns, models, assistants. Whom here has she pressured into an encounter they may not have wanted?

“Not only am I gay, I’m married and gay! With a kid! That should be a huge red flag that I’m not going to be into you! Do you do this to Kurt when he comes to the city without me!?”

“Nah,” she says, nonplussed by the anger in Sebastian’s voice. “He’s hot and all, but he’s not exactly my type.”

“Not your type?” he repeats in disbelief because who in the hell could be in the same room with his husband and not want to tear his clothes off? Then Sebastian remembers – him once upon a time. Sebastian remembers being that asshole, flirting with Blaine and insulting Kurt, how much he pushed, how hard he pressured. He always secretly thought Blaine was into the attention because, even though he had a boyfriend that he claimed to love more than anything, he never outright told Sebastian to stop.

Kurt, however, never had a problem saying no. When they transitioned from enemies to friends and Sebastian came on to him, Kurt made himself known loud and clear.

Did Blaine not want to tell Sebastian to get lost? Or did he not know how?

Is this how he felt?

Even though Sebastian and Blaine came to an understanding long ago (Sebastian’s underlying guilt eradicated in part by Blaine’s cheating on Kurt), Sebastian thinks it may be time for him and Blaine to have a heart to heart.

If Blaine wants it … or needs it. Sebastian has never asked him.

But he’ll extend the offer because this sucks, and Sebastian wants it to end.

He’ll make sure to hate himself properly for his past sins the second he makes sure he’s not going to lose his husband.

“I don’t think that’s it.” Celia bites her lower lip in an attempt to look coy. “I think I am turning you on. Look at you. You’re blushing.”

“I’m frustrated!” Sebastian growls. “There’s a huge difference!”

“Not much of a difference,” she says with an infuriating shrug. “I’ll take it.” She loops her arms around Sebastian’s neck and he cracks.

“I won’t!” Sebastian tries to channel a bit of that bastard he was in high school – the same boy who flirted with Blaine while he cut Kurt down behind Blaine’s back. But Sebastian is having a hard time doing that because, regardless of the fact that he’s managed to keep his quick wit and his sarcastic sense of humor, he’s not that boy any more. He’s a grown man with a husband and a son. He’s spent a lot of time and money overcoming his demons. He doesn’t need to summon them back to fend off this woman. Besides, he doesn’t want to have to cut her down to get her to back off.

He wants her to leave him alone because he said no.

Sebastian comes up with a course of action that, though it lacks any of the finesse he had as a stuck up rich kid with his dad’s reputation in his back pocket, it’ll be twice as effective. He knows he could leave, but why should he? This is his husband’s office. He has every right to be there, probably more right than Celia does. He sticks his head out the door and yells: “Kurt! Kurt! Help me, Kurt!”

“Sebastian?” he hears Kurt’s confused voice call from an open doorway down the hall.

Celia’s face goes white, her arms dropping from around Sebastian’s neck as if they were filled with lead. “Wha---what are you doing!?”

“I’m telling on you!” Sebastian refuses to look at her, refuses to acknowledge her existence any more than he has to. “Kurt! Celia’s trying to kiss me and she won’t take no for an answer!”

“What are you? Twelve?” Celia snaps, backing away so quickly she nearly breaks a heel.

“No! I’m in love with my husband! I put a helluva lot of work into getting him to love me back, and I’ll be damned if some overambitious, overreaching intern is going to screw that all up for me!”

Kurt races out into the hallway with Isabelle close on his heels, running back to his office as if Sebastian had yelled ‘Fire!’ Sebastian waits at the door for them to arrive while Celia stumbles into a corner, her back against the wall on the opposite side of the room, red splotches painting her pale cheeks. Kurt enters his office, but Sebastian stays put, determined not to occupy the same space as Celia if he can help it.

“What’s going on in here?”

“Kurt,” Sebastian starts, but before he can finish, Celia pipes up.

“I was just trying to be friendly, Mr. Hummel,” she says, her voice trembling. “We were having a conversation … about you … and he accused me of making a pass at him.”

“Did he?” Kurt asks, his response so dry that Sebastian, who has known Kurt since high school, has no clue what he’s thinking.

“Y-yes.” Celia clears her throat. “Yes. I’m sorry if I came across any other way. I really am. That wasn’t my intention.”

Kurt looks at Sebastian, then at Isabelle, her arms crossed, her face blank, but working things through behind her eyes. Then, as infuriatingly as Celia had, Kurt shrugs. “This is actually a simple situation to rectify,” he says, walking over to his desk and selecting a tab on the screen. “There are security cameras set up in all of the offices.”

“What?” Celia and Sebastian say together.

Sebastian sounds relieved.

Celia sounds terrified.

“Absolutely.” Isabelle unwinds her arms and joins Kurt at his desk, selecting the program he’s looking for when his hands begin to shake. “There used to be a fair amount of intellectual property theft going on here, especially by interns.” Isabelle shoots Celia a look. “It’s outlined in the contract you signed when you started working here. It states quite clearly that you would be monitored in every space except the bathrooms and the dressing rooms.”

“Uh … you know … you know what?” Celia says, prying herself from the wall. “You don’t … you don’t need to look at that. I’ll admit, I may have acted inappropriately …”

Her own voice coming out of a speaker on the wall stops her as the four stare at the screen, varied expressions from fear to anger on their faces.

“Were you ever questioning?”

“No, not that I can recall. And what the fuck would it matter if I was? I’m definitely not now!”

“Come on … not even a little? How do you know you don’t like something until you try it?”

“Does this ever work for you?”

“I would say around 50-50. Come on. I could open a whole new world for you.”

Kurt puts the playback on pause when he gets to the point where Celia loop her arms around his husband’s neck - his shoulders, his back, his entire body rigid as steel. Sebastian wants to touch him, but for the moment, he’s paralyzed. He can’t imagine what’s going on in Kurt’s head, what kind of flashbacks he’s experiencing.

Is Sebastian in them? And what part does he play?

Isabelle looks at the man beside her, his hands clenched into fists on the desktop, and runs a hand up and down his spine. “It’s ok, Kurt,” she whispers. “It’s going to be ok.”

Kurt nods but he doesn’t speak. The silence growing in the office seems to wait for him to say something, but he doesn’t.

He can’t.

“I … I can explain …” Celia says.

“No, don’t explain,” Isabelle says. “Get your things and go.”

Celia’s jaw drops so far, Sebastian swears he hears it smack the floor. “What!? Why!?”

“Because aside from perpetrating sexual harassment,” Isabelle says in a voice Sebastian has never heard her use before, “you disrespected one of my most valuable employees, and two of my best friends. I can’t stand for that. I won’t stand for that. Kurt Hummel and his family are worth way more to me than you. Now leave. And expect a call from legal.”

“I … I …” When Celia can’t think up a response, she storms out, having the nerve to go in a huff regardless of being caught red-handed. Isabelle watches Celia leave, waiting until she’s out of earshot.

“I need to stop by security, make sure someone escorts her out. But I’ll be back … okay?”

“Okay,” Kurt whispers, leaning in for the kiss he knows she has for him. She squeezes his shoulder, then reluctantly leaves him. On the way out the door, she gives Sebastian a sympathetic smile and a pat on the arm. The silence builds again without Isabelle there, wrapping around them like a heavy blanket, turning that large, bright room into a dark, tiny cell.

“Kurt.” Sebastian takes a step towards his husband, bent over the image displayed on his desk of Celia with her arms around Sebastian’s neck. Sebastian didn’t notice how close she had gotten to him. Had he not pulled away, she might have kissed him. “I’m sorry, Kurt. I am so sorry.” Those words echo in his ears with the memory of the dozens of times he’s said them before.

“Why are you apologizing?” Kurt sniffles. “You didn’t do anything.”

Sebastian nods even though Kurt can’t see him. He wants to tell him that he’s sorry that he has no safe spaces. Every time Kurt finds somewhere he can call a haven, something steps in and swipes a smidgen of his security.

But Sebastian can’t do that without dredging up a painful part of their history.

He takes a step closer. “Are we … are we going to be okay?”

Kurt breathes in, shoulders shuddering, and for a second, Sebastian thinks he may have started crying. But he hasn’t. He’s not going to let the Celias of the world – or the Blaines or the Sebastians - bring him to tears. Not again. He taps the touchscreen, and the image of Sebastian and Celia dissolves into blackness.

“Yeah.” Kurt turns away from his desk and slides into his husband’s arms, sinking into the warmth of his touch. Because the past is the past, and this is the present. In the present, Sebastian is a good man, an excellent father, and the closest thing to a soul mate Kurt has ever had. “We’re fine.”

Notes:

So, believe it or not, this one-shot took me a long time to upload. When I started writing this, it was just supposed to be light and humorous. So many people have asked me to write a one-shot where Kurt gets jealous of Sebastian because some secretary or something is flirting with him, specifically a female secretary who would have no chance with Sebastian because he’s gay. I started writing this one, wrapped mostly around the “I’m telling on you!” comment. But it began to evolve into Sebastian reflecting on his own past actions, which we touch on but don’t really address in this series. After a while, it stopped being amusing anymore, especially when coupled with actual current events. I didn’t want to blow this subject off. I didn’t want it to be light-hearted. I wanted it to be real, with a fall out beyond ‘Kurt gets mad at the evil woman that tried to take his husband away’. Also, Celia wasn’t written to villainize women. She’s not really a gender. She’s a person. She represents, like Sebastian said, every woman who has ever tried to convert a gay man, or every man who has ever tried to force themselves on a lesbian to ‘change her mind’. She’s the embodiment of the man who cornered me as a teenager and wouldn’t let me leave till I kissed him, and the anger I feel that, even though he was fired for that, so many of the comments made to me by the security officers who took down my statement are still said to women and men today who report sexual assault. I could go on, but the tl:dr is that I wanted you all to know that I don’t condone sexual assault by anyone. It shouldn’t be made light of, because it’s not a laughing matter. And even though I write Sebastian and Blaine as good guys, I think there are things on both sides that both men need to atone for.

#Kurtbastian #Sebkurt #Sekurt #Frankie writes

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