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grailfinders · 2 years

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Fate and Phantasms #261: Miyamoto Musashi (Berserker)

Now that we got all those bronze losers out of the way, it's summertime! And summertime can mean only one thing: swordbeauties! What's a swordbeauty, you ask? I... don't quite know either, the game's pretty loose with the definition itself, but we do know that Miyamoto Musashi (Berserker) is one of them!

She's also a Sea Sorcerer to steal Summer Ishtar's Accel Turn, and a Vengeance Paladin to cut through an enemy's offense and defense with equal skill.

Check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Next up: We got a #1 victory royale! Yeah Fortnite, we're 'bout to get down!

Race and Background

Musushi's pretty obviously a Human, and the variant rules mean she gets +1 Constitution and +1 Charisma. She also gets proficiency in Athletics to ride a jetski, and the Dual Wielder feat to use big swords with both hands. This also means she can draw both of them at the same time, and she gets +1 AC while holding two weapons.

As a proud American, you're kinda out of place just about anywhere that isn’t 'Murica, so you're a Far Traveler for proficiency in Insight and Perception! Just bc your wisdom's bad don't mean you can't see. Spoilers, sorry.

Ability Scores

Your highest score's gotta be in Charisma! You lied to everyone who cared about you about causing the singularity the whole time, and while your powers are a lil bit from the Holy Grail, it's mostly bc you ate them, not from religious study. After that is Strength. Berserkers are strong, and you don't use light weapons. After that is Constitution since you have to survive in a desert long enough to find the grail in the first place. Your Dexterity is lower than we'd like, but we have plenty of ways to avoid damage in the build, so it's not the end of the world. Finally, Intelligence is low and Wisdom is dumped. Berserkers, baby!

Class Levels

Sorcerer 1: I'd love to start as a paladin for the bigger health bar, but you don't eat the grail noodles til after you show up in America. For now, you get proficiency in Constitution and Charisma saves, plus two skills from the sorcerer list. Deception and Persuasion will help keep people from noticing the giant musashi in the background, plus you're just nice to be around! It's been a while since we used the Sea sorcerer, huh? To jog your memory, starting in this class means you have a Soul of the Sea- If you fall off your jetski you'll find out you can breathe underwater, and you have a swim speed! You also have a Curse of the Sea, so if you hit somebody with a cantrip you can curse them til the end of your next turn! Once a turn, you can trigger the curse if you cast a spell that deals cold or lightning damage, or you force them to move. If they take cold damage they get slowed down, they'll take extra lightning damage, or they'll get pushed farther if you move them around. We're not using that much, because the Spells you do learn (which you cast with your Charisma btw) are Sword Burst for a burst of swords, Mending to put your sword back together after tearing it apart to make it do a sick flip (seriously look at this shit it's ridiculous) , True Strike to strike true, and Shape Water. It's not quite a giant wall around your foes, but it's a start. You can also cast leveled spells like Mage Armor to make fighting in a bikini a slightly less bad idea (the three swimsuit bottoms at a time thing though? Still atrocious.), and Silvery Barbs to give an enemy disadvantage to hit someone, and if they fail you can give yourself advantage to hit them back. Negating their sword style and opening up their defense in the same move, nice! Now, obviously sorcerers aren't running around with longswords, but neither is Musashi her first ascension. So pick up some quarterstaves for your foam swords, at least until we multiclass.

Sorcerer 2: Second level sorcerers are a Font of Magic, giving you two sorcery points, and one more every time you level up as a sorcerer. Right now that means you get one extra spell slot each day, but we'll get more interesting uses... eventually. But hey, an extra use of Shield per day's pretty useful, right? +5 AC and immunity to magic missile, what's better than that?

Paladin 1: I'll tell you what, swords. Paladins can use them, so slam back that grail udon already for some holy powers. You also get a Divine Sense, letting you figure out where extraplanar creatures are nearby. (HINT: That giant Musashi looming over the singularity? Probably not from around here.)

Paladin 2: Second level paladins get a Fighting Style, and Blind Fighting means you now have more funky eye shit going on than Sasuke, since you'll always know where invisible enemies are within 10' of you unless they hide from you. You also get another set of Spells that you also cast and prepare using your Charisma. You can change spells every day so getting them exactly right isn't a huge issue, but definitely check out Compelled Duel and Wrathful Smite. Duels are just cuel, and if you hit with the smite and they fail a Wisdom save they'll be frightened for up to a minute. This gives them disadvantage on checks and attacks while they can see you, and they can't get any closer to you, again destroying their sword techniques until they break out. Since we're multiclassing casters (multicasting), check your PHB to figure out your spell slots. That being said you're kind of a third level caster now, and those second level slots will work wonders with your Divine Smites. When you hit someone with a melee weapon you can spend a spell slot to deal extra radiant damage equal to 1d8 + 1d8 per spell level up to level 4, with an extra die added if you're fighting an undead or fiendish foe. You know that whole "Slash", beat, "Incredibly violent death" thing in samurai movies? It's like that, just with a bunch of anime light beams censoring the whole thing.

Paladin 3: Third level paladins come back with a Vengeance, giving you two flavors of Channel Divinity you can use once a short rest. Abjure Enemy will force a wisdom save on an enemy, frightening them if they fail and reducing their speed to 0 for a minute, or until they take damage. Alternatively, a Vow of Enmity gives you advantage on all attacks against a creature as a bonus action for up to 1 minute. That one's fun. On top of that, you get subclass spells, free extras added to your spell list like Bane and Hunter's Mark. An extra 1d6 damage isn't better than a smite, until you manage to keep it up for a turn or two since it deals that damage every time you hit your target. You also get Divine Health, making you immune to disease. Taking a bathing suit to anywhere other than the beach is usually a recipe for a cold, but now it isn't.

Paladin 4: Fourth level paladins get an Ability Score Improvement. Bump up that Strength so you can actually hit something with all those attacks you've got going.

Paladin 5: If that boost wasn't enough I've got good news for you! Fifth level paladins get a shiny new Extra Attack each time they take the attack action, so if you dual-wield you're attacking up to 3 times a turn now. You also get second level spells like Hold Person and Misty Step. Hold Person turns every hit on a creature into a critical hit if they fail a wisdom save, and paladins really like crits, so you'll really like this spell. It's hard to get more "see through your defenses" than literally freezing someone in place. If your foe's got some funky stuff preventing that from working though, try Dispel Magic to get rid of any buffs they've got on. If you really need the help you can turn one of your foam sticks into a Magic Weapon for a +1 to attacks and damage rolls.

Sorcerer 3: Third level sorcerers can use their sorcery points on Metamagic, adding extra-special effects to their spells. A Subtle spell can be cast without somatic or material components, so you can cast them while dual-wielding (and they can't be countered). An Extended spell lasts twice as long, so you can use more spell slots on murderizing people with smites. You also learn a second level spell from the sorcerer list, and Enhance Ability will help keep your perception checks high even though we dumped wisdom. It gives you (or an ally) advantage on any one kind of ability check for about a minute.

Sorcerer 4: Fourth level sorcerers get their own ASI, so let's take a moment and pick up the War Caster feat so you can cast spells and use swords without burning through sorcery points so fast. This also gives you advantage on concentration saves, and you can use a cantrip as your attack of opportunity if it only targets one creature, like Frostbite does. That's right, we can actually use that level 1 ability now, and we're only halfway through the build! You also learn the spell Kinetic Jaunt, which will help you get from place to place without provoking attacks of your own. It almost makes you fast enough to run on water! But that's next level.

Sorcerer 5: Fifth level sorcerers learn some Magical Guidance, so now you can spend sorcery points to re-roll a failed skill check. You can also cast third level spells now like Water Walk. Now you really can run on water! (We know the jetski comes first, but that's a bigger level investment.)

Sorcerer 6: Sixth level sea sorcerers can form a Watery Defense, so as a reaction once a short rest you can reduce incoming bludgeoning, piercing, or slashing damage by your sorcerer level (6) plus your charisma modifier (currently 3), and then you can move up to 30' away while doing sick flips on your jetski to avoid opportunity attacks. That last part is implied, but still. If you'd rather keep your enemies from escaping, you can create a Wall of Water in a 20' diameter circle, creating a foot of difficult terrain around the area. (Or a 30' line.) Ranged weapon attacks through the wall are at disadvantage, and fire damage is halved. If a spell dealing cold damage goes through the wall the wall freezes, creating a solid section that can be broken through. It'll keep Osakabehime from messing with your duel, at least.

Paladin 6: Sixth level paladins get their own prizes. An Aura of Protection means that you and any allies within 10' of you get to add your charisma modifier to all their saves. This means that unlike other berserkers you're only probably going to be mind controlled instead of definitely!

Paladin 7: A seventh level vengeance paladin is a Relentless Avenger. When you hit someone with an opportunity attack you can move up to half your speed as part of the reaction to keep the fight going. Try swimming away from a jetski, it doesn't work.

Paladin 8: Eighth level paladins get another ASI, so bump up that Charisma for stronger spells and a stronger aura. This also means your watery defense blocks 10 damage at a time, so that's nice.

Paladin 9: Ninth level paladins get third level spells. Honestly there's not much we'd want here aside from the freebie Haste. It gives you bonus AC, a higher speed, an extra action (with limited options), and advantage on dexterity saves. The only downside is if you drop concentration you won't be able to move or take actions next turn. You also get Protection from Energy though, just in case a swordbeauty really likes using an elemental damage type like Hokusai. ...wait you absolutely should have won that first duel. Hold on, I have to go yell at DW again.

Paladin 10: Tenth level paladins get an Aura of Courage, so allies in your existing aura also can't be frightened. Kind of specific, but there is a horror-movie themed summer coming up, it's best to be prepared.

Paladin 11: Eleventh level paladins have an Improved Divine Smite, so you deal a little extra radiant damage with every swing. If you're going to have sword fights in bikinis it's only a matter of time before the censor lights have to get involved, so it's best to keep them on hand.

Paladin 12: Use your last ASI to bump up your Strength for more accurate sword strikes. It also means you deal more damage, but honestly a +1 bonus pales in comparison to a well-timed smite.

Paladin 13: Thirteenth level paladins learn fourth level spells, and this time there's plenty to pick from. Your freebies are Banishment and Dimension Door. Both of them are useful, but not really "Musashi", you know? The first shoves a creature into another plane. If they're from another plane they're forced there if you hold concentration for a minute, otherwise they just come back. The latter is short-range teleportation. I guess Nothing Personnel, Kid is kind of anime, but I'd probably save that spell slot for smites. The real prize here though is Find Greater Steed, letting you finally summon your Jetski! Sort of. Rules as written, there's no greater steed with a swim speed, so talk with your GM about it ahead of time. You could also create an Aura of Purity around you preventing disease, blocking up poison damage, and preventing minor status effects in a 30' range. You've got a little bit of magic resistance, after all.

Paladin 14: Our final ability lets us sever karma, or at least sever annoying status effect spells! Cleansing Touch lets you end a spell affecting yourself or a nearby creature you touch as an action, and you can use this four times a day. Kinda underwhelming for level 20, but there's no save attached to it so this even works on wish spells.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

You've got more attacks than your average paladin, as well as more options for dealing damage than usual without chewing through all your spell slots like popcorn. With your improved divine smites and Hunter's Mark, each sword is dealing 2d8+1d6+4 damage, and dual-wielding gives you an extra attack, which is an extra chance to crit and thus an extra chance for a smite. Plus you can burn higher level slots to make lower level ones so you can smite more effectively. You have almost no reason to use a sixth or seventh level slot, but that can turn into three 1st level slots for a lot of damage.

You also have plenty of options for mobility, so you can keep an enemy from running to your squishier party members without beating you first. Also, if you use Frostbite as your opportunity attack it'll slow down your average humanoid enough that they literally can't get away from you, it's great.

Hold Person on a paladin is good. And even beyond that, you can see invisible people in sword range, break apart magical defenses, and give yourself guaranteed advantage. If something can physically be hit, you can hit it.

Cons:

A lot of this build is weirdly focused on water, which isn't bad, necessarily, but if you end up in the desert you might be in trouble. Hey, wait...

You also only get one reaction per round, so you'll have to juggle all the stuff you can do. Should you follow an enemy with an opportunity attack, or weaken a grapple with silvery barbs, or hold up in case you need to use a Shield spell? It's hard to choose since unlike a lot of servants you can't see the future.

This build's a little MAD (multi-ability dependent), so you can't do everything you'd want to do super well. If you're going to be on people so hard with vengeance paladin stuff you'd probably want more HP, but that means more Constitution, which would eat into your Strength or Charisma which would make your super cool armor piercing offense we built up weaker. Just make sure you have a healer on standby, since berserkers don't last that long in a fight.

#fgo #fate grand order #D&D 5e #DND #Miyamoto Musashi #Paladin #Sorcerer

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comicalsansa · 3 years

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Tumblr. Let's talk.

What. The. Fuck.

This is an ad you keep showing me. I know that you have a thing for nonsensical ads but come on, this is not even how ads work.

You've cut text off on the side. "More in d morning?" I guess that actually makes sense reading it like that, but based on kerning there's more word there-you don't put a letter that close to the edge, and it's inconsistent with the rest.

Moving onto the content. Biscuits and gravy. Okay, you know I got problem here, the text on this portion looks great, nice font choice, and I gotta say, these biscuits and gravy look fantastic. Like, I'm not a huge fan, but I'm vaguely southern. I will say, we're gonna need more gravy if we give these to my husband, tho.

THAT SAID

Where do I get these biscuits and gravy? Like, who paid you for this ad? I mean, it's not like there's a biscuits & gravy commission overseeing these thing.

I keep thinking of examples to show how ridiculous this is except my first three are all more successful because they actually included the name of a business entity. Like the old beef ads, which were paid for by the American cattleman's association (I think, something like that). Or peaches, paid for by the state of Georgia. I dunno if potatoes has been done, but I feel like it has to have been because I think of Idaho. That is three even simpler and more vague ad campaigns that were successful because I still remember the sponsor.

Whose biscuits and gravy are you selling here? McDonald's? I dunno, I don't think they use that font and I don't see them wanting the Tumblr market. Bigger fish. Bob Evan's or cracker barrel? Too modern. Dairy Queen? I'll give you a maybe. Honestly, I could see this being a badly cropped promotional sign from DQ, and they do make pretty good biscuits and gravy, even if they're stingy with the gravy (according to my husband). Or are these some sort of store brand from the freezer section? We will never know.

A successful advertisement creates three things to drive consumers to a business:

1) it creates a need. In this case, biscuits and gravy.

2) it provides a solution. Obviously, since I now need biscuits and gravy, I should get some.

And, most importantly,

3) it tells the name of the business or service provider who can give you that solution.

If it does not do #3 there, it is an absolute failure, as the entire point of advertising is to sell your product and/or drive customers to your business.

This ad may not be "I'd hit that" Mc nuggets bad, but it's still an abstract failure, and I only ever had one semester of marketing.

#ad shaming #not that there's not something hilarious here #but come on

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tricktster · 5 years

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Disclaimer: For new followers who only know me from my recent Great Tumblr Posts, please let it be known that I am not just a fantastic shitposter but also, and I know this ridiculous, the author of the number one Ao3 undertale fic (which is a sans/reader fic) and furthermore, technically, a salesman of fine branded apparel based upon my own intellectual property that I developed FOR the number one Ao3 undertale fic (which is a sans/reader fic)

okay.

Author Interview

tagged by @kastlecastles

name: tricktster on tumblr, totalskeltetontrash on ao3

fandoms: I gotta tell you, for the author of the #1 Undertale fanfiction of all time [by certain metrics], I’m not great at being a participatory part of any fandom.

where you post: ao3 and tumblr

most popular oneshot: Probably “In Which Capra Gets Some Bad News,” if by “popular” you mean “people get the most upset with me about it”

most popular multi-chapter fic; favorite story you’ve written; fic you were nervous to post: Since I have taken an utterly bizarre route of basically only writing one fic consisting of two books (and quite a few spinoff one-shots), the answer for all of these has to be Chill or Be Chilled. In particular book 2 of CoBC.

how you choose your titles:

I chose Chill or Be Chilled basically on account of laziness, because I had a really antagonistic mentality towards writing a fanfic at the beginning of creating what would end up being a 2 book, 176 chapter, 480,000 word work. It was a super low effort thought process, along the lines of “hahahha wtf dude i’m actually writing an undertale fanfic for some reason and these idiots are gonna have to read it, okay, what’s a line from undertale that I can make a halfhearted attempt to reference, kill or be killed, ok, got it, publish.” Joke’s on me, though, that’s a STUPID name that we all have to live with now.

I spent a lot more time on chapter titles, because I could actually accomplish something with those. I wanted to establish a chapter titling convention from the beginning, and I’ve always been fond of old fashioned chapter title stylings (I.e. “in which” or “wherein”) combined with either “something that happened in the chapter that is not actually important” or “an actual lie about what happens in the chapter.” What I liked so much about that method, in particular, is the dramatic effect that straying from the convention could cause. I mean, look at these:

When I published 146, which is a weird and spooky chapter (and a definite break from a lot of the other stylistic conventions that are well established in CoBC by chapter 146), I wanted readers to feel on-edge/wondering if this was the beginning of the endgame/searching for hints or double-meanings throughout the chapter. I just checked out the comments on that chapter and screengrabbed a handful of the reactions, which are all kind of along the same lines:

As a rule, end of book/endgame chapters also got titles that were outside the normal conventions. Book 2 was fun, because there’s a miniboss and a larger boss, and I didn’t want to tip anyone off as I was publishing the miniboss chapters that a bigger fight was coming. So for BBEG1, I used thematically appropriate font names as titles, which were genuinely fun to try to find. BBEG2 represented the actual end of a lot of work and a story I’d really grown to care about, so I played it straight and used titles from the undertale OST.

do you outline: I started out refusing to outline, because that would mean that I actually cared about what I was writing, and if I cared, that meant I couldn’t stay ironically detached from the whole thing.

But then I gave up on being cool and instead I decided to write a time travel plot that required me to set some things up 70+ chapters before I’d write the chapter that would reveal their significance ... so yeah, I broke down and finally outlined.

I think an outline is generally a pretty good idea, with the caveat that it’s fine to keep it as bare bones as possible. You can always add to it, but I find that the more I focus on making sure my outline is immaculate, the less I’m able to pivot on the fly when I stumble upon a smarter or more fun way to introduce a plot point.

complete: CoBC is complete, but it’s marked incomplete because, you know, bonus chapters

in progress: There’s a bonus chapter for CoBC that’s half-drafted in a Google doc somewhere. I haven’t touched it in a while, but when it comes out, I think people will be into it, insofar as they like and want to know more about Cody (who is a pretty fun OC, honestly)

coming soon/not yet started: Any part of my original work, High Fantasy, that takes us out of Farhold, and into the greater world at large. Farhold is finally starting to feel fleshed out in my own mind, so bringing an entire continent to life around it is DAUNTING

do you accept prompts: Uhhhhh you can certainly try I guess

upcoming story you are most excited to write: High Fantasy is so fun to write, and I love imagining that distant date where it’ll be finished

tagging (no pressure!): @mod2amaryllis, @kaytemchugh, @wrexie, @thaylepo, @dismyblog. @misssugarpinkshome, @trucbiduleschouettes

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atopearth · 4 years

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Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Part 1 - First game (Turnabout Sisters, Turnabout Samurai and Turnabout Goodbyes)

So, I was going to buy this on Steam, but then I recently got a Nintendo Switch (so I can play Code Realize and Collar x Malice next year loll), and it was on sale! Since I had no games (I bought World End Syndrome but it’s not here yet), and I really wanted to try playing stuff, so I bought it XD Two of my friends really recommend it as well, so yeah I would have bought it some day anyway~ I think I should have bought an SD card with bigger storage than 64gb though… (EDIT: I did...)

Anyway, the game! It’s a bit sudden to be thrown into trial all of a sudden, but Wright is a newbie lawyer anyway so I guess it’s all good loll. Kinda funny that the questions the reader has to answer are simple stuff like the victim’s name etc but I guess it helps you get used to remembering things, and looking over evidence etc if you don’t remember. Because I did forget the victim’s name hahaha. Honestly though, the style of the game is really cool and different, I really like the transitions for effect and I love the big font “hold it!” and “objection!” has hahaha. Mia is very helpful. In terms of the case itself, it was a simple and silly one, mainly because of Larry, he’s so dramatic and ridiculous, it’s funny. Note though, this is probably blasphemy to others but I’m playing with a walkthrough (i.e. I pick my answers and then double check with the walkthrough), I just don’t find it fun or have the time to explore wrong answers anymore tbh (backlog of VNs is long, I’ve got at least 6 more games). Anyway, I like how the game wants you to think but you don’t necessarily need to think too hard (for now), and it’s all done in a not so serious way that makes it fun. Like, I loved it when the judge said Larry was not guilty and confetti started falling down on the screen hahahaha. I think this game will be a great break from Steins;Gate 0 right now lol.

Turnabout Sisters I remember trying to watch the anime of Ace Attorney (which sucked, it was like the game but all the fun was gone because it was less interactive yet still played out like a game, it was weird) and being shocked that Mia died. I was so sad because I liked her, she seemed nice and cool. I kinda forgot about all that until this part started up and then I was like oh yeah!! Poor sister got arrested for it though, but I guess Phoenix needs a reason to do something. It was saddening when the sister didn’t have anyone to defend her😞 It was sweet when he decided to defend her, since he became a lawyer because he wanted to become someone that could look out for people who had no one by their side… When he says it like that…it’s hard to not admire how kind he is.

Lmaooo at Miss May and the bellboy though, I love how weirdly crazy they both are. May is like fake and sweet when she’s in her “cute” mode, but becomes super aggressive when angered (such as being caught out for lying), and the bellboy is just thankful that now the hotel is more popular because a murderer (May is being suspected now) lived there hahahaha. Everyone is so eccentric in this world. I find their mother’s story saddening though, she was probably pressured by the police into finding the culprit for a case with her spirit medium powers, but then she failed and the media got wind of it, and the backlash she received as a “fake” made her disappear. Disgusted that Grossberg was the one who told White (Mia’s killer) about the medium thing for money, and White then leaked it to the media! But I think the worst is that Mia tried her best all these years to out White for being the one who ruined her mother’s life (as well as many others with his blackmailing leading them to suicide), but she got killed by him… It’s so unfair.. I’m glad Maya is out though, and lmao at her taking it so seriously when you pick the option of telling her to help break Phoenix out (since he’s in detention now for suspected murder because of White’s influence). She’s so cute hahaha.

Well, that was a crazy trial lol, not only was White a chronic liar that was allowed to “amend” his testimony several times, Edgeworth was pretty apt at trying to keep him from being caught. I knew the receipt would show when the lamp was bought! Kinda obvious when he mentioned that he saw it last week I guess, gotta catch him somewhere haha. I guess the lesson is to update your furniture often so you can catch murderers😂 It was really nice to see Mia’s spirit inside Maya helping Phoenix and cheering them on in the epilogue though, I wonder if we’ll see her again? I definitely like Mia more than Maya😞 But I guess with Maya, they’ll learn and grow together as they do their best for the law office?

Turnabout Samurai I love Oldbag, she’s so whatever with everything, she’s hilarious. Not only does she talk nonstop complaining about young people these days, she really knows how to drag people into her pace lol. The defendant Will looks like a lion hahaha, except he’s one with no teeth since he seems way too gentle to be able to do anything. Anyway, gotta love how dodgy Oldbag is by omitting evidence, remembering things suddenly, as well as exposing that the directors etc were actually there as well but the studio wanted her to hide it. Btw, I love it when Phoenix wants to buy time by accusing someone else of the murder, and one of the options was the grade school boy, and when you pick the option, even Phoenix himself is startled that he said it and he himself doesn’t even know how he should support this as a possibility since the kid couldn’t have held the weapon hahaha.

HAHAHA THE GREAT SAL MANELLA. That name lmaoo😂😂 Nice to see Mia again to help Phoenix, I love her and how she was so capable in getting the kid to talk. I found it really interesting going through the kid’s testimony, since it really presented a proper reason for the kid to lie and have obstructed the court from getting to know the truth. Not only is he a kid, he’s a kid that believes his hero Steel Samurai would never lose, so him deleting the photos of him losing to the villain and lying about him winning are plausible and interesting to uncover, I liked that part. I don’t know why I never thought of the possibility that Jack Hammer was actually the Steel Samurai, even though I questioned from the beginning whether Studio One was really where he was killed haha. Now that it’s apparent the victim dressed as the Steel Samurai and went to Studio Two where everyone else was, it is now possible for the producer and them to have killed the victim within the 15 minute break they had… Oh yeah lmao when the kid came to testify and he was too short so they got him a box to stand on, I love little details like that hahaha.

Well, I really liked that! I really liked how everything ended up wrapping up and how the story tied together. I had some trouble (as usual!) with the presenting evidence parts (because I suck), but yeah that was great! I don’t know why it never clicked, but I really missed the thought that Hammer was the one who wanted to kill Vasquez and that’s why he did all that pretending to be the Steel Samurai and hiding his tracks etc, so he could blame the killing on Powers after. He had enough of being blackmailed and used by Vasquez these 5 years for accidentally killing a person on set (of which she covered up, since someone took a photo of it). It’s kinda ironic that he ended up dying in the same way as the person he accidentally killed. Maybe Studio Two really is cursed lol. But yeah, anyway, I really liked the piecing of all the evidence and clues! Seeing it unravel the way it did really made sense, especially when things I noticed but didn’t know what to think about were talked about, such as the small incinerator next to the van. I couldn’t piece together the story myself, but when they did, it was great, I liked this case. I also really liked how Edgeworth suddenly switched sides and started questioning the witness and the holes in her testimony as well because he knew that she was the killer and he wanted to catch her in her lies, since Phoenix missed some things. They were a nice combo haha.

Turnabout Goodbyes I didn’t think Edgeworth would become a defendant! But I guess what I’m most shocked about is that Edgeworth’s father was the victim in the DL-6 incident involving Mia and Maya’s mother, Misty Fey who was the spirit medium helping out with the case that led her to be labelled as a fraud. Edgeworth seems to really like Phoenix but can’t seem to be honest for some reason, hmmm, and I guess his father’s death is related to why he threw away his dream of becoming a great defence attorney like his father and instead became a prosecutor? Oh.. Edgeworth actually witnessed his father’s murder…and the suspect they caught was the one Misty pointed out as the killer through talking to the victim’s spirit, since he was the only one that could have done it, and yet he was declared innocent with the help of the defence attorney at that time, Hammond. And now, the victim in the current case is Hammond… I guess the police would think of that as Edgeworth’s motive to kill him… I wonder if Edgeworth lost all faith in defence attorneys because of that incident with his father.. But I’m happy that the weird Detective Gumshoe really respects Edgeworth and believes in him even though others don’t, I thought it was really nice that he acknowledged and believes that they can really work hard to capture criminals because they know that Edgeworth will prosecute them for their crimes. It’s like they both believe in their work and through that, they do their best to catch these criminals.

Well, it was obvious that the girl was dodgy because it’s definitely impossible to see who shot who when it’s foggy, and at night, and at a far distance! But it’s helpful to prove that she wasn’t even focused on the boat and was looking for the “monster” Gourdy that supposedly appears there. Gotta admit that Karma is hilarious, especially when he insults the witness’s intelligence for looking for a monster hahahaha. Also loved it when even the judge couldn’t go against him and followed his pace, glad the judge eventually stood his ground though lol. I still find it so fascinating that in this world, all trials must be tried and decided within 3 days so that the justice system isn’t clogged with cases. Aww it was so sweet to learn from Gumshoe that Edgeworth really appreciated Maya causing a fuss in the trial and giving the opportunity for Phoenix to cross examine what Lotta slipped up on. Lmao when he told Phoenix that Edgeworth would pay for her bail and he started thinking about whether Edgeworth would pay his rent for this month too hahahaha. Omgg, lmao at Gourdy the monster actually being Larry trying to inflate the Steel Samurai balloon and failing, causing it to fly like a rocket into the lake lolll. I guess he does deserve having the dog eat all his Samurai dogs loll. It was expected, but it’s kinda funny to see Larry come to save the day when Edgeworth was declared guilty haha.

Omgg, their back story was so touching! I thought it was so cute seeing little Edgeworth say “objection!”, and Edgeworth is right, if there’s no evidence, and if he didn’t do it, then he shouldn’t admit it! I also loved Larry saying “if he didn’t do it, then he didn’t do it”, those words were so simple but so true. I can’t believe the whole class put Phoenix on “class trial” to get him to admit something he didn’t do, and even the teacher didn’t believe him, like whaaat, great teaching right there. But I guess it’s because of how dodgy they all were, Phoenix, Larry and Edgeworth got to become friends. I found it really sweet that although Edgeworth transferred out because of the DL-6 incident, and never contacted them again, and ignored Phoenix when he tried to talk to him, it was really touching of Phoenix to become a defence attorney just so that he can meet Edgeworth again. Edgeworth is a prosecutor so regardless of what he wanted, he’d have to face Phoenix eventually and I thought that was really cute. Lmao at Larry completely forgetting about such an impactful incident on Phoenix’s life, but it’s so him. He’s silly, but he’s a great guy, and he really helped out with this testimony! It was all over the place, but he heard really important things and you gotta be glad he came to save the day! I honestly didn’t expect the murder to have occurred before midnight, and that the one in the boat with Edgeworth was actually not the victim but the murderer. It’s honestly…hard to believe and accept that Edgeworth could be the one who killed his father when he threw a gun (evidence?) that was lying next to him to protect his father from Yogi who was deprived of oxygen. I’m still sceptical of that though, what about the hole in the glass? And why would there be a person telling Yogi to get revenge on Edgeworth etc for ruining his life (for being suspected, losing his career etc) and making him kill Hammond etc. Whyyyy would they show von Karma the letter!! It’s such crucial evidence!! I’m not surprised he used a stun gun on them to steal the letter back!

Anyway, that was good, I really liked this case. I think the most saddening thing was discovering that Yogi really was innocent and really had his whole life ruined from this incident. It was terrible to hear that Hammond got him an innocent verdict but it was actually at the cost of declaring him of unsound mind, so he’s been pretending to be “insane” all these years, especially after his fiancee committed suicide after this incident. He wasn’t wrongly accused for being the murderer and yet he still lost his career, his partner and everything in his life. It was really saddening to think about tbh. As for von Karma, when this case first came about, I really didn’t expect him to be the killer in the DL-6 incident, I thought he was interestingly eccentric with how he wants everything to be perfect and was super arrogant and would always strive for guilty verdicts but I guess with the comedy in the game, I didn’t really expect the cost of his actions. He was caught for giving faulty evidence by Edgeworth’s father Gregory, and that is the one and only scar to his record. He’s been dodgy all this time and probably incriminating many innocent people in these 15 years at least, sigh. I guess I didn’t think that just because there was an opportunity, he would actually kill Gregory (when Miles threw the gun and it ended up landing near him). I also didn’t expect him to have been shot by that misfire and for him to never have taken that bullet out of his shoulder because he didn’t want to create any doctors as a witness to this! Which is understandable though, but wow, he’s pretty hardcore. So yeah, that was awesome and I think it was my favourite case! I really liked how things flowed and how everything ended up piecing together like that. It’s really cool to see how the evidence matches up together.

Lmao at Larry having been the thief that stole Edgeworth’s money in that Phoenix class trial incident, I honestly thought it might be him but I was like nahh. And it was him hahahaha omg. I guess the deserves getting dumped by girls all the time lol. The photo Lotta took at the end was nice, I also really liked the little snippets showing all the previous witnesses lives, lmao at that bellboy becoming the owner or something lol! Although Maya isn’t useless and really helps Phoenix by just being there and helping him think through things etc, I do think it’s good for her to complete her spirit medium training first and then come back. It’s important for her to have her own goals and stuff after all, so I’m glad she did that.

#phoenix wright ace attorney

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rivaiin · 5 years

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im currently getting over one of the worst mental breakdowns ive had in like the last year which included a panic attack while i was walking home and crying huddled in the bathroom for about 2 hours and like i need to fucking vent so here we fucking go

my university my sweet dear uni cares so much about its students that like last year or this year i dont actually know it was decided that the entire format of the final thesis for bachelors degrees was going to be changed. and unlike in most of these cases the change was actually for good. i have no fucking idea if these changes were for the entire university or just my major but the thing is the entire thesis was reduced to like 30 fucking pages. which is ridiculous considering before it was like 80 i think so yea we go from actual thesis to dumb project thats just slightly bigger than were used to

thing is along with that reduction they also got rid of like. the entire fucking formatting rules so now theres no fucking ruleset for like the font or size or anything and that includes the sections of the thesis (i could make the entire thesis written in pink comic sans and no one could say shit about it theres no rules)

now i made the mistake when choosing my tutor and topic to go for this teacher thats a rude little man thats been working at the university his entire life and thinks the king of the universe. but he had a topic i was interested in and despite his lack of manners he actually knows what the fuck hes doing so i went and got him as my tutor

fast forward like 6 fucking months with 0 contact cause yall know how good im at procrastinating and i start to like rush this shit thesis cause i work better under pressure and im running out of time and this little shit i have for a tutor decides to get sassy on me and like. stop answering my emails and telling me hell look over my stuff when hes got time

i got like 10 exact days till i gotta turn in this thesis and i literally got like 25% done and the tutor needs to look over it and hes not answering me and telling me hell do it later so i go home suffering the previously mentioned panic attack and i get on my computer and start looking at thesis from previous years to get examples and see if theres anything else i can do while the nasty man goes over my work

and all the fucking thesis from other years have this very serious and professional sections with like context and methodology and a bunch of stuff i hadnt even thought about cause my tutor hadnt told me i had to do that

this causes the actual breakdown cause like if before i was tight on time now theres like no fucking way i can do all this and get it checked by the tutor before the enddate so i go cry in the bathroom and call my boyfriend out of desperation cause yea i fucked up big time

he reassures me that things were ok i could still make it and that if i had to go to the 2nd call hed come with me and stuff and that i should just keep working as much as i could in case i could do it for the 1st call

so i eat something and go back to the computer with a clearer head and knowing that i had another opportunity and that i wouldnt be alone and shit and i decide to look for old thesis tutored specifically by nasty himself and guess fckig what

all the fucking thesis tutored by this man with the new format have way less sections that other teachers and are significantly easier and less serious looking like i found one thesis that had one of those wacky fonts for dyslexia and it was written in like size 15 like

and yeah im actually ok and i can make this quite fast really only problem now is to get the nasty man to check everything and get the ok to turn it in

#thanks for coming to my ted talk this got really fucking long #god my head hurts so bad from crying and i didnt even need to #why didnt i fucking check his thesis first that couldve avoided this entire fucking shitshow #i might still have to go to the 2nd call but like i dont rlly care at this point #might be even better actually

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hamburgergod · 6 years

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happy valentine’s day from orange and grapefruit verse where Dean is human and Cas is phoenix harpy-human hybrid, and they’re your average everyday college roommates.

(first)

[AO3]

“You’re Castiel’s mate.”

Dean Winchester regards the woman standing in his living room, and concludes that it’s been a long day. “Roommate,” Dean corrects, slinging his bag off onto the floor.

She frowns at him. “But you live together.”

There’s a question in there somewhere, but Dean doesn’t bother asking it. “And you are?”

She straightens, her fingers twitching. Dean eyes them warily in case of the slightest chance she might break out the talons he’s heard so much about. “Hannah, Castiel’s cousin. I’ve come to ask your intention.”

“My intention,” Dean echoes. “In regards to what, exactly?”

“Castiel, of course.”

“Oh,” Dean smiles back thinly, “of course.”

She looks at him expectantly, and Dean stares back with a blank.

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

“What do you intend to do with Castiel?”

“Wha—Nothing! Look, Hannah, was it? I don’t know what you’re going on about, but I’m just his roommate.”

Hannah’s lips thin. “But you live with him.”

“Yeah, so?”

“So,” Hannah grits back. “Harpies—proper harpies—don’t live with each other unless they mate for life.”

Dean closes his eyes. He’s gotta stop trying to count backwards from ten to calm his mood every time Cas’s cousins decide to visit, since it ends up sounding like a countdown for some sort of emotional blast off instead.

“Right,” he starts off. “Well, I’m human, so it doesn’t matter, does it?”

“Castiel is half-harpy.”

“Yeah, and half-human. Just ‘cause he follows harpy customs doesn’t mean it extends to me.”

Hannah purses her lips at this, regarding Dean up and down while reassessing her thoughts. Dean remembers that she said she came to ask his intentions. The door to Cas’s room is shut closed, which means he’s not even home. Dean doubts Cas even knows she’s here. He has a nagging suspicion she chose a specific time jus to avoid him, anyway.

“How did you get in here anyway?” Dean asks. She glances back at their balcony door, and of course she came through the balcony. Dean really needs to learn to lock that thing before he leaves the house.

“Well,” she says, visibly hesitant to just leave her beloved cousin alone with this monster of a human, “I understand, then. But you better not try to do anything funny.”

Is he honestly getting the Talk from Cas’s family member? It’d be a bit more daunting if it didn’t literally have anything to do with him at all. But, he supposes not all of them are dicks to Cas if she cares about him this much. “You don’t want to see Cas before you go?”

“I got what I came here for,” she replies. “Goodbye, Dean Winchester.”

She then jumps out the balcony, and just watching the act gives his stomach a swoop. He rushes outside to watch her flap her giant wings (even bigger than Cas’s) as she soars through the sky.

Jesus.

When he recounts the whole thing to Cas later that night, Cas’s lips press into a thin line with disapproval.

“I’m sorry that you had to go through that,” Cas says, like it’s his fault that he has weird cousins.

“It’s whatever, man. What’d you want for dinner?”

And the rest of the day goes normally, like nothing’s happened at all.

Today’s Valentine’s day.

Dean’s brain betrays him and his thoughts immediately jump from that realization to Cas, sitting right across from him and looking ready to burn his textbook to the ground.

Not cool, brain. Not cool.

Actually, he’s surprised that Cas hasn’t mentioned anything about it yet, what with all the fuss he’s made over all the other holidays he’s experienced for the first time since he’s been living with Dean. At least, he’s pretty sure this is Cas’s first Valentine’s day considering that this is his first year living among humans, and all of his firsts have been with Dean.

Okay, that’s a weird way of putting it, so Dean’s never going to think of it like that again.

Anyway, it has been a hectic few weeks what with the first rush of assignments having been due, and midterms fast approaching them. It wouldn’t hurt to ask.

“Cas?” Dean calls, and Cas mumbles something incomprehensible as a response. “D’you know what day it is today?”

“The fourteenth,” Cas replies, not taking his eyes off of his notes. “I’m never taking another computer course again.”

“It’s not that bad, is it?” Dean’s had to take one before, when he needed an easy science elective. “I know you know how to make fonts bigger in a word doc now.”

Cas has a glare on, not particularly directed at Dean. “None of the ridiculous assignments I’ve had to do so far relate back to the course material at all, and there are so many names for things which I’m sure make no sense to anyone on this planet, human or harpy or otherwise.”

Dean huffs. “I think you need a break.”

“What I need is for my professor to send everyone an apology email.”

Dean’s done his best to not laugh so far, but that one takes the cake. “Alright,” he says, and pulls the textbook away from Cas. Cas closes his eyes with a sigh, and slumps against the chair. “Today’s another holiday, you know.”

“I know,” Cas replies methodically. “Valentine’s day, also called Saint Valentine’s day or Feast of the Saint Valentine.”

Somehow, the fact that Cas somewhat knows about it already makes Dean’s heart thrum louder. “So you… knew about it?”

“I’ve started to realize that humans like to advertise upcoming holidays months in advance,” Cas replies, still in his monotone. He finally opens his eyes, still bleary from the horrors of poorly designed courses. “It’s also very hard to miss all the pink and red things that started to appear right after Christmas.”

“Yeah, stores tend to go overboard with that shit.”

“It’s nice,” Cas continues sincerely. “The enthusiasm is energizing, and the joy in ways humans celebrate different aspects of being alive is infectious.”

“That’s one way to put capitalism.”

Cas shrugs, and runs tired fingers through his hair. His wings are droopy on the floor as he slumps further into the chair. The fact that he can wax all that poetic crap about today is even more of a reason why it’s weird that Cas hasn’t enthused to him about Valentine’s day like he has with all the other holidays.

It shouldn’t be awkward to bring it up, but it definitely feels awkward. “Do you know what Valentine’s is for?” Dean asks.

“it’s a holiday to celebrate love shared between people involved in a romantic relationship,” Cas says, looking straight at Dean. Geez.

“Right, so… you do know.”

“Yes, Google and Wikipedia are always helpful. I’m starting to wonder if it would be more effective for me to just go back home and read Wikipedia articles to learn about humanity instead of spending thousands of human money just to learn these—” Cas sets his glare back to his textbook, “—lingos.”

“You’re not serious, are you?”

“No, Dean,” Cas replies, and this guy’s eyes are completely dead. Yeah, dude needs a break. “I would never leave, at least until the lease we signed together for this apartment is up.”

“Right.” Dean can suddenly feel his own eyes twitching from stress. Somehow this conversation has taken a turn he was not expecting; he’s about ninety-three percent sure that Cas is joking right now, but suddenly he’s faced with the real possibility that Cas can move out at the end of this semester, and Dean will have to find another roommate who isn’t Cas.

Okay. Well. He’ll think about that later. For now, it gets him wondering, “Have you ever had a date before?”

Cas frowns, like he does when he has no idea where Dean is going with the conversation. “No,” he replies slowly. “Have you?”

“Yeah, I guess? I’ve gotten candy-grams during high school and stuff. You know.”

“No, I don’t,” Cas replies coldly. “I just told you that. What do you do with a date, anyway?”

“Uh. Well, depends, I guess. You eat dinner together, make small talks, get to know each other—”

“We do that together every day,” Cas points out.

“That’s—different,” Dean grits. “Uh, what else? Since it’s Valentine’s, people give chocolates to each other—”

Cas raises his eyebrows, stares down at the plate of brownies on the coffee table that Dean’s baked earlier today, and back up at Dean.

“Different.”

“How?” Cas makes a point to snag a brownie off of the plate. “If we’re going by all the criteria you listed on what’s required for a date, we’ve been on a date every day.”

Dean flushes. He knows it’s just Cas not understanding what a date is exactly for, but somehow it weirds him out in a weird way. “Intentions matter,” he explains. “There’s gotta be feelings behind those actions. Like you said, uh, Valentine’s is a celebration of romance. And first dates can end up with a kiss, and—other things.”

“Like what?”

“Well,” Dean shrugs. “Sex.”

Cas blinks. “Sex.”

“Yeah.”

“You didn’t tell me a date is an act of courtship for marriage.”

Dean blinks. “I mean, I guess going on dates with someone could end up with them married. Usually it’s a casual thing though, to get to know each other better before doing all that—marriage couple crap.”

“But—” Cas frowns into the air. “We still did all those things, save for the kissing and the sex.” The sex. Classic Cas. “Kissing and sex are both actions, and we still acted out on all those other aspects of dating. Does that mean we’re dating under human definition?” Cas frowns down at Dean, like Dean’s somehow tricked him into being his boyfriend. “Are we dating, Dean?” Cas’s wings flutter a little at the tips. “Have you been courting me?”

“Jesus, Cas. No. Calm down.”

Cas’s wings flutter back down.

Dean gathers his hands together, and points all of his fingers at Cas. “Look,” he says, willing patience into existence. “Like I said, intentions matter. Making things official, you know, that sort of deal. Doesn’t us living together prove that?”

Cas blinks, and it clicks. “Oh.”

“Right?” Dean continues. “By harpy standards, we should be getting ready to ring the bells at the altar, but we’re not, are we?” Cas frowns at this in confusion, but Dean waves him aside. “I just mean, we should be well into being engaged for a couple of months according to your cousin if we were going by harpy customs. But we’re not. We’re just roommates.”

“Not that I’m saying otherwise,” Cas interjects, “but if we’re not going by harpy customs, and we’re apparently not going by human customs according to you, then what are we going by?”

Dean shrugs. “Dude, who cares? We say that we’re not in that sort of relationship, end of discussion. Right?”

Cas thinks over this thoughtfully, and nods. “Right.”

“Okay.” Dean eats a brownie with a huff. Geez, who would’ve thought talking about Valentine’s would lead to all this?

Anyway. It’s ridiculous, the idea of dating Cas, of all people. Whoever thinks that probably definitely doesn’t know anything about the dynamic between him and Cas. They’re not like that. They’re friends. They’re roommates. Dean is Cas’s Jiminy Cricket, if he had to put it roughly. Nobody talks about Pinocchio hitting it up with the cricket, though, do they? Same difference, and there’s nothing more or less to it.

Plus, seeing how much it freaked Cas out, he also obviously thinks the very idea is as ridiculous as how ridiculous Dean thinks it is. So. There.

Dean wakes up a little freaked out later that night, his hands clutching the sheets like a lifeline while he blinks up at the dark ceiling.

He had a stupid, stupid, stupid dream about kissing Cas.

Not cool, brain.

#orange and grapefruit verse #my writing #destiel #ficlet #valentine's day stuff #au #spn #....i'm not apologizing it's valentine's :P #but at this rate i'm gonna end up only writing for the holidays geez

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ncmagroup · 4 years

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by Mikita Mikado

If you’ve ever seen the cult classic movie “Tommy Boy,” you can probably rattle off half a dozen of the film’s most memorable quotes. “Tommy Boy” is the story of an ‘odd couple’ – Chris Farley and David Spade – who take a road trip across the Rust Belt, desperately trying to sell auto parts in order to save Farley’s deceased father’s company.

This year – if you can believe it – marks the 20th anniversary of “Tommy Boy” hitting the theaters (and that deer). And while the film is a comedy, it teaches three common-sense approaches to achieve success in sales, which still hold true today.

“Brothers Don’t Shake Hands, Brothers Gotta Hug”

In this famous scene, Chris Farley’s Tommy meets his obnoxious, soon to be step-brother (played by Rob Lowe) and the two could not be any more unlike. Similarly, for years, marketing and sales departments within many organizations have been siloed; focused on their own responsibilities and KPIs; unable to agree on anything and prone to finger-pointing when quotas aren’t met.

Many a marketing team has been known to throw so-called “qualified” leads over the fence, dust off their hands and say, “my job is done.” On the other hand, sales – who are often the ones with their “feet on the street” – do not feedback to marketing what they’re hearing from customers and prospects, and refuse to provide reference customers, not wanting anyone to “touch” their accounts. The notion of “help me to help you” just does not apply.

This paradigm desperately needs to change. Marketing teams can no longer see their job as ending at the beginning of the sales funnel. Sales teams, in turn, need to leverage their direct customer relationships to inform and strengthen marketing efforts and messages.

“Helen, we’re both in sales. Let me tell you why I SUCK as a salesman.”

A watershed “Tommy Boy” moment occurs when Tommy speaks one-on-one and gets on the same level with a waitress, ultimately convincing her to bring him chicken wings after hours, which is normally not allowed. In an “A-HA” realization, David Spade’s Richard – who’s given to ridiculing Tommy relentlessly – commends Tommy for his ability to read people, for getting inside Helen’s head and telling her what she wanted to hear when she needed to hear it. Ultimately, this led to Tommy successfully making and selling his case – getting his chicken wings.

To succeed in sales today, organizations need to get inside their customers’ heads. Today, forward-thinking organizations are using a variety of innovative methods to do just this, like Big Data and predictive analytics, which help them to better target and upsell customers at the moment of purchase.

Other capabilities, specifically document analytics, are allowing sales representatives to see their prospects’ activity with a contract. Has it been opened? What sections is the prospect focused on? Where is he/she inserting questions and comments? With this information, sales teams can be much more effective in follow-ups. In fact, analyses show that “electronic deal room” capabilities such as this can raise close rates by up to 28 percent.

In addition, marketing can also see this activity and alert sales to new collateral and materials that they may not be aware of, which may help push prospects over the finish line. Document analytics can help sales and marketing professionals gain such an intimate customer understanding that the product sells itself, just like Richard’s proverbial “ketchup popsicle.”

Mind the gaps

Traditionally, the customer “journey” – from the entry in a CRM system to marketing for qualification, and ultimately to sales and others (including finance and legal) for follow-up and closure – has been prone to disconnects and inefficiencies. A lot can be lost in translation as leads are passed along the continuum.

In this spirit, it can be a mistake to wait until the end of the sales cycle to create a contract. Organizations need to be capturing and building sales documents as the interaction with the prospect progresses, from the very beginnings in a CRM system. When it comes to sales specifically, this is important for several reasons.

First, it enables the creation of comprehensive, personalized and compelling contracts. Second, these documents can be immediately produced for prospects at the end of the sales cycle, reducing their chances of getting “cold feet.” Third, the automation of sales document creation has been shown to boost sales productivity by up to 35 percent, while saving at least one hour per quote, proposal or contract. Particularly in start-ups and small businesses, sales resources can be limited, so sales professionals’ time needs to be maximized. This means, focusing on closing instead of margins and fonts.

But perhaps most importantly for the purposes of this article, automating. Sales document creation can help eliminate the gap between marketers and sales, replacing it with seamless collaboration that drives the bottom line. It’s estimated that up to 90 percent of marketing content goes unused, representing a huge waste of marketing manpower and resources. Marketers need to be actively involved through the conclusion of the sales cycle, where their materials and collateral can have the biggest impact.

And, once the contract is built, everyone needs to be able to sign it quickly and easily, including legal, finance and, finally, customers. Ideally, salespeople – particularly the mobile field force, who are often face-to-face with customers – should be able to initiate and drive these processes, within seconds from a mobile device.

Case in point: Another amusing “Tommy Boy” scene occurs when Tommy closes his first sale, after literally chasing an extremely distracted and busy prospect around his factory floor, vying for his attention. Mere seconds after saying, “you’re out of time,” the prospect agrees to buy, and Tommy is incredulous. At that point, what would be smarter – getting the prospect to sign right then and there, or telling him it would be another week or so before the contract was ready?

Conclusion: The More Things Change, The More Things Stay the Same – Sort Of

It’s true that a lot of the lessons that “Tommy Boy” teaches us are timeless. However, there’s one major difference between 20 years ago, and today. With the explosion of social media, the internet, and mobile devices, prospects’ attention spans are more fragmented than ever. In fact, a recent Microsoft study showed that the average human attention span has dropped four seconds – from 12 seconds in 2000, to eight seconds in 2015 – and for the first time, humans are more fickle than goldfish (nine seconds).

Within this context, the sales process has become much more hyper-competitive. In each of the three lessons above, there is a common denominator – the need for better marketing and sales alignment and collaboration.

To succeed, organizations must be double-barreled and their sales and marketing groups must be solidly united in a common goal – generating qualified leads and seeing these leads through to sales. In these types of organizations, it’s not uncommon to see sales representatives analyzing social media feeds (traditionally a marketing function), or marketers playing a bigger role in creating sales contracts (traditionally a sales function). Roles are blurring, and that’s a good thing.

Sound like nirvana? Maybe. But today, there are tools available that are bringing marketing and sales closer together, and one area that stands out is sales document creation. By joining forces here, sales and marketing can leverage their collective strengths and roles to create compelling documents that inspire action and boost the bottom line.

Go to our website: www.ncmalliance.com

25 Years Later, What “Tommy Boy” Teaches Us About Sales by Mikita Mikado If you’ve ever seen the cult classic movie “Tommy Boy,” you can probably rattle off half a dozen of the film’s most memorable quotes.

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