#they are interesting BECUASE they are evil fucking bitches
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How do love interests act around a swan PC who looks super pretty and elegant but like real swans are violent and evil attacking people, stealing from people, they honk and hiss at anybody they don't like while chasing them around beating them with their wings and pecking with their beaks like the devil they are.
Alex...kinda likes it. Like, they've never experacned something like this before and it just, it gets them a little hot under the collar. All pretty and ready to beat the shit out of anyone trying to fuck with the farm. They love it.
Avery is conflicted. Pretty and elegant? Yes, good. VIolent and ready to attack? Not so much. Better be able to control your violent tendencies.
Eden hates it, at first. Makes it hard for them to train you. After you've started warming up to them, started to see them as your spouse, they like it more. Sees you running off a wolf from the cabin clearing, honking and wings flapping, and knows you won't leave them.
Chase away Kylar's bullies. Do it. They didn't think they could love you more than they alredy do but you'll give them a run for their money.
Robin might try to admonish you for stealing and violence, but they usually cave when you shelter them in your wings and hold them close.
Sydney loves bird hybrids, regardless of what kind of bird. Swan, though? Maybe it's becuase the angelic comparisions that can be made to a swan, but they really like it. Pure Sydeny will try to keep your from stealing or violence. Corrupt Sydney doesn't like you stealing most of the time and gives you their full blessing to run off assholes. Heck, they might join you.
As long as you never turn on Whitney, they adore it. Pretty bitch who steals shit for them and beats up others? Yeah, they like that. Likes seeing you beat someone with your wings when they know first hand how soft they are.
#alex the farmhand#sydney the faithful#whitney the bully#kylar the loner#avery the businessperson#robin the orphan#eden the hunter
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So. I have another brain go brrr au idea very very modern Vidow they/them Vio this ones a bit odd?
Tldr: Vio's an ai robot who gains a soul (and the heros spirit) of this era and falls in love with their technicion, Shadow, whose son of the company that turns out to be evil and they have to work together to save the world. More under the cut for details and stuff
Sorry for spelling issues or pronpun inconsistencies i made this on mobile and then decided to make it they/them Vio after writing a good chunk.
Shadow is the son of the head of a robotics ai corporation. He's a punk with horrible grades and attitude but stupidly fucking smart. Genius smart. V10137 (violet) is the latest and only model to function as intended. Only one day they malfunction but not how anyone would expect. You see there was a lot of debate around that time involving the hero's spirit and where it might end up as it's been foretold to come in this era. It does not, however, end up in a mortal hylian being.
One day on the main work floor they are walking V10137 and Shadow is forcibly dragged along bitching about how boring they are, they're just a stupid robot it's not like they'd actually have interest feelings ect. V10137 starts getting uncharacteristically snippy back until they cut themself off and grab Shadow tugging him to their chest tightly. A frozen second where his heart beats super loud and is surprised at how warm they felt. Then Shadow of course freaks out because none of this is possible within the limits of their programming when a large something (balcony? Dropped metal box? Smth) falls heavily into the floor where Shadow had just been standing. Outside of their physical capabilities and program they had saved his life.
That's when he started calling them "Vio" or "Violet '' instead of the long numbers. Lots of little things happen after that aren't programmed in: humming a tune they heard Shadow listen to, showing interest in learning subjects outside their parameters/subjects they shouldn't have any reason to even know exist. Shadow grows fonder of them, going so far as to personally take up the mechanical and technical upgrades and repairs disallowing anyone else to touch them.
(After an awkward intimate moment when Shadow first had to repair something on the insides like wires or a board and Vio mentioning they felt it when the technicians were a bit too rough on their circuitry. Sheepishly asking him to be gentle with them but only while no one was around. Also something not programmed into them: pain).
Plot twist it turns out Shadow's father is evil and has been spying on homes and planning to use the advanced ai robots like Vio to enslave his country. I haven't really thought much past this for that plot other than a few ideas about Shadow sneaking Vio out for dates and making them working equipment to seem more alive. Eating, drinking, other equipment ;) They totally develop taste buds on their metal tongue before this happens which inspires Shadow's idea for it. (See below lol)
Shadow: working in their mouth doing stuff maybe installing artificial teeth becuase they look fucking scary without them? And so they can develop speech with an actual mouth making sounds instead of a box.
Vio: "..................." awkward stretched silence. "Why do you taste like car oil and butterscotch?"
Shadow: "????? Fucking excuse me? W h a t?" How do they know what that tastes like? (They took a soda from Shadow once. Even though no food or drink is supposed to be allowed in the labs Shadow did it all the time. They couldn't consume it though, there was nowhere for it to go, but they still swished it in their mouth to see what all the fuss was about.)
Maybe the other color heroes come in at some point as previous versions of Vio?
R35: made for childcare. Malfunctioned when introduced to cooking can cause fire from hands initially for cooking purposes. scrapped due to arson lawsuit
81U3: Sparring model, fighting levels broke and became very aggresive and competitive, scrapped for inibility to cease at humane ending point
6R33N: the first ever model, scrapped for inneffective building and ininbility to upgrade not much is known about this model
Shadow fixes them all up after making an HQ to fight his evil dad (Zant? I do like Twilian Shadow) in the old disposal room so they have easy access to parts
#four swords#legend of zelda#shadow link#vidow#vio link#weird au#furture robot au#V10137 au#drabble#i might write this later idk#Fuck it everyone but Shadow is a robot#red link#blue link#green link#chili writes
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Rook Hunt thoughts on Chap V
You are allowed to have your own opinions but you need evidence and be willing to peacefully discuss your thoughts if you don’t I will do the exact same right back to you.
I’m stating my opinion and since most people come after me for liking him in a rude manner this is for all of them if you are OK with Rook or don’t hate him or didn’t try to harass anyone feel free to skip. Normally I am not this aggressive ever!
This is a bit late but I really didn’t want to get into this or say this but...
To HELL with the people who think it’s okay to harass Rook and VilRook fans AND YANA! First it’s a FUCKING FICTION CHARACTER! Second IT’S CALLED FREE SPEECH! And thanks for trying to harass me, so ummm... fuck off, because I love Rook he’s a great character and livens things up a lot. This post is going to be all over the place because I’m just going to say what I need to say.
The voice actor 糸川耀士郎 does not control the character okay it isn’t his fault. That’s just how the story plays out. And Yana is giving you all of the other characters that you love, Stan, kin, and are your comfort characters in the first place!
How does this feel to all of you!
Riddle is a ruthless tyrant
Vil attempted murder on screen
Leona Also attempted murder WHICH MIND YOU IN MOST PLACES IS A LIFE SENTENCE! But what the hell “Their hot” right? Of course, I’m so stupid.
Azul crushes dreams, and is a big capitalist
Floyd beats people just cause
Jade is psychotic and probably a sadist
Lilia IMPLIED WAR CRIMINAL
But that’s okay right. Because their not Rook. Who mind you just saved a life and was his own person.
Rook is levelheaded, saved Neige and stops Vil from throwing away his life, and follows his heart and IS NOT VIL. He doesn’t conform to Vil. Why? BECUASE HE’S HIS OWN FUCKING PERSON!! But you know that pissed off everyone and now everyone (Most really there’s a small amount of you that like rook and I love you) wants him dead!
These characters a villains, VILLAINS! Which was a villains? BAD PEOPLE. But Rook isn’t.
“But he’s the huntsman. He works for the evil queen!” yeah and...
I may not like the Snow White movie but I know that the Huntsman BETRAYS the queen and lets Snow White live...
Hmmm sounds familiar, doesn’t it...
Vil is the Evil/Beautiful queen and he tries to kill Neige aka Snow White but the Huntsman stops her a SAVES SNOW WHITE just like Rook saves Neige. Now I might not like Neige but that doesn’t mean I think he bad or shouldn’t have been saved. every person should be saved if possible. But NEVER should the person saving the other be hated.
People saying that Rook shouldn’t have voted for Neige is like saying you can’t like you favorite Kpop idol, or anime character, or EVEN TWISTED WONDERLAND CHARACTER. Rook is just supporting the one he likes more.
Now about the other hate before Chapter 5... “He’s a stalker...Toxic... disgusting...Creppy.”
This part has been brought up earlier while talking with someone who will go unnamed (Because if you think I’m defensive about Rook... well... let’s not even think about what they would say)
“They say he’s a ‘Stalker’ But other than Vil and Neige [for obvious reasons], who else in canon had he shown interest about?
Malleus. Leona. Ruggie. The Leech twins.
You know, the ANIMAL-CODED STUDENTS. He’s a hunter of course he’s like the animal like students.”
Ya’ll got angry because ROOK SAVED A LIFE! For what? Attention maybe? But do you have a reason for hating him? “He didn’t vote for Vil!” Bitch sit the fuck down and shut the hell up. Apologies I’m normally not like this but I’m on to pay attention to the small details and Rook did nothing wrong.
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My Thoughts on the 100 7x10
Okay y’all this was a Time and i am Still Reeling
lets start with sanctum because i am Still processing the bardo plot
i’m so sad madi doesn’t have clarke rn and even though i know clarke has other things to do i Wish she could just protect her daughter rn
jr bourne is Such a good actor and i am Terrified of Sheidheda especially with that eye scar
the more scenes i see with murphy being cute with kids the more i’m leaning towards believing the theory that emori is pregnant 👀👀
during the fight with indra and sheidheda i was Really hoping murphy would just show up and shoot a bullet into sheidheda’s head because he Deserves it
honestly so proud of madi for Slicing that dude but also my poor babie girl you need to be Careful you almost Died Again
just generally concerned for sanctum as i usually am
okay now lets Get Into this bardo plot which is Taking me places
first of all after watching that prequel episode about the shepard i’ve decided i hate him (and anders) more than sheidheda
i think it’s similar to the umbridge vs voldemort becuase one Knows theyre evil but the other genuinely believes they’re doing the right thing which makes them Worse
very glad echo wasn’t actually brainwashed like sorry bb i was just worried should’ve known
but also... Echo...what the Fuck are you up to
the hug with octavia and clarke Genuinely made me tear up i love those women so much and their literally sister in laws so im glad they’re good now because they deserve it
i’m Very Upset echo hurt Levitt like that bitch be Crazy rn
watching Octavia leave levitt fucking Hurted even though i know its what she should've done but looking at their faces in that scene like my poor babie boy😭
see at first when thinking about echo killing all of bardo it obviously reminded me of clarke and bellamy killing everyone in mount weather but like echo Literally said, clarke and bell did that to save their people, whereas echo was acting out of pure vengeance which is a Shitty thing to do
listen, i genuinely like echo most of the time, she’s not my favorite character but i definitely don’t hate her but girl needs to get her shit together
you can see in some of my other thoughts for this season i understood some of her actions because i Get her trauma and why she behaves certain ways
and while i Get why she did what she did this episode, that doesn’t justify it
everyone in this show has been traumatized and abused and is generally fucked up, but at some point they’ve all been held accountable for what they’ve done (clarke and octavia especially, i feel like sometimes bellamy is held Less accountable but whatever)
i've said before that echo and bellamy’s relationship is Not Good, and not because i ship bellarke but because its just Not Good and you can see that in this episode as echo has a fundamental misunderstanding of what bellamy would want and who he is
i really think echo should be held accountable next episode because this shit was Not Okay
also speaking of echo that “emotional” talk between her and raven? i didn’t feel a Thing
like i know i’m Supposed to be emotional about it but i just Wasn’t
i don’t see them as “sisters” because we didn’t Fucking see them on the ring together
last season there really should been one episode following spacekru (like there was one whole episode for clarke and one for the bunker) because not Only is it hard to understand becho, but relationships like raven and echo just Don’t make sense
also because i cannot remember the last time i’ve seen them interact on the ground, like even without seeing spacekru i can see the love between emori and raven but i just Cannot see it with echo
honestly i feel like echo’s character Could’ve just been better, like they shouldn’t have put her with bellamy (because there are some bellarkers who Just hate her for that) and she should have had some Actual character development so honestly i blame the writers more so because echo Could’ve been good
okay back to actual plot and less analysis
even though i don’t Love jordan he did come in clutch for this episode and if clarke Isn’t the one taking the test to save humanity?? what has this show even been about, ya know?
also really like niylah just being surrounded by dummies love that girl (wish we knew more about her, she deserves more screen time)
the scene with the shepherd and gabriel was interesting idk it just really emphasized my hatred of the shepherd but i laughed at the fact that they were drinking kombucha
when hope sliced anders neck i Literally stopped breathing, i just gasped and forgot to exhale for a solid minute in Shock
that whole final 5 minutes Broke me
Dioyza Deserved Better and i’m Sad
like hope Really fucked up
i’m worried because I (and a lot of other people) really liked hope at the beginning, and i still like her but she needs to be told to get her shit together because (just like echo) you can’t always be trying to get revenge it Doesn’t Work
she’s just being a dumb bitch honestly and Aunty O needs to slap some sense into her, but maybe losing her mom will help her realize that she's Fucking Up
but also i’m still so upset about diyoza like i think i’m partly in shock because WHAT ya know
so next week is the bellamy episode and i am Excited and also Nervous because jason ya know he be fucking shit up sometimes but also i’m just generally excited to see my boy i miss him so much
#the 100#the 100 spoilers#the 100 7x10#clarke griffin#bellamy blake#octavia blake#hope diyoza#charmaine diyoza#diyoza#indra#madi griffin#john murphy#emori#echo kom azgeda#echo#raven reyes#jordan green#niylah#shepherd#anders#gabriel#shediheda#levitt
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SCs are abuser apologists :)
“Yes, she did.“ And here the story should end but of course there is BUT and you know what they say about BUTs.
Oh, Lena idoesn’t act as two different people? She didn’t lie about kryptonite, her illegal experiments, Sam and Reign? And boi, they all love to scream how 100th ep was about Kara fighting for Lena, while they totally ignore that in every universe Lena fucked up everything, even when Kara told her the secret. They totally ignore that Kara was RIGHT, by not telling Lena her secret and the universe when Lena still wants to lobotomize people is the best option. What is laughable, especially when you say Kara is guilty of deception.
Yeah, no one has clean hands but the problem is that the rest characters at least feel guilty about the shit they have done or paid for it. Oh sure, Kelly is innocent but for sure is going to do some shit. Mhm. Because what? She is a canon black lesbian that is in a canon lesbian happy and healthy relationship with Alex? *sarcasm*
Sure, Lena didn’t do shit to Eve. She didn’t kidnap her, forced nanobots into her body, raped her brain, put AI into her and made her a meatsuit for Hope. I haven’t seen a single soul blaming her for Jack. His name was Adam and he was depressed, suicidal and driven by guilt and Lena deceipted him, while not telling him her REAL name, what is one of many violation of law and rules she did during that trials.
And thanks for ignoring J’onn’s brother, Russel, Andrea, Edge’s bodyguard, that girl form shcool that was exposed in front of entire school and sure, putting Kara in a kryptonite cage, torturing her, yelling at her, stealing Myriad from her, gaslighting her, accusing her of some super funny shit, making her feel guilty for Lex’s death and causing her a panic attack is just oops.
Once again, all of them felt guilty about what they have done. Lena doesn’t. And that’s the biggest and most important difference.
And here we have the most disgusting shit I have ever read in my life - Crisis erased it, so it didn’t happen? We should just forget about it? We should forget Lena killed, murdered, kidnapped, raped people’s minds, enslaved and lobotomized them? Interesting idea. Her past victims, that suffered becasue of her for sure were very happy to hear that they suffered for nothing. Also, I guess Crisis erased Lex’s shit so he is now a good person?
And you know what is the worst thing here? Lena still REMEMBERS. She still uses the results of her experiments and shit. She still wants to LOBOTOMIZE people and get rid of free will. She STILL DOESN’T FEEL GUILTY. She still thinks she didn’t do anything wrong. But I guess some people are too dumb to realize it.
Plus it’s super interesting how they still go after William Dey for what he has done BEFORE the Crisis. Lena’s shit is cleared but not his?
Oh, we should not go after Lena only becuase she is privileged, white bitch, who has never paid for her shit like a typical privileged 1% of loaded Americans who do what they want and don’t care about consequences of their actions, because there will be no consequences, no matter what they will do? :)
The fact is - NO ONE stopped her from being happy and loved. She was with Jack in StarCity. She had it all. But then she saw Supergirl and decided she wants to be a Luthor, praised, loved and worshipped by everyone. And she FUCKED IT UP. SHE did it. And then she came to National City and played a typical Luthor. While screaming she was not.
“Lena is the only victim“ :))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Sure, because Kara didn’t tell her a secret that kept people she loved SAFE, what, once again, ep 100 proved.
Sure, your traumatic past experiences give you a free hand to do whatever shit you want. I wonder how many murderes, rapists, abusers should be released from the prisons, because you know, they had sad pasts.
Also, WHAT abusive childhood? Lillian didn’t like her, oh I wonder WHY, but still praised her ass when she fucked up that girl who stole her bf. Lionel loved her, she had a competetive relationship with her brother. WHAT ABUSE.WHERE it was confirmed she was abused? All we have seen is Lex tying her to a chair and explaning his master plan to her - well, two times, becasue she is that dumb and that easily manipulated. But who SHOT LEX IN THE END?
And she is not Luthor by blood? Lionel Fucking Luthor is her FATHER.
Aside of the disguting thing about “Crisis erased it” Hmm, let’s see, who was hurt by Lena:
-Eve, agreed
- some young teenage girl who has stolen her boyfriend and Lena stole her diary and exposed her in front of entire school,
-all the Phorians that were affected during her experiment with the portal in s2 and friendly reminder it was one of the reason why the anti alien movement was created, plus all the citizens of National City who were hurt during Phorians losing their minds
-all the aliens that were affected by her detector that allowed people to recognize them
-workers from Lockwood’s factory and others who were fucked and lost their jobs, because miss businesswoman could not afford helping them, because you know, being a white face of privileged capitalism i so cool
-all people who were hurt by the Daxamite invasion that happened only because she was dumb enough to believe Rhea, and once again, it was one of many reasons why the anti alien movement was created
-Edge’s bodyguard- dead, people on that party - put in danger
-Adam, a depressed, driven by guilt and suicidal boy, deceived by her to take part in illegal experiment - dead. And how about his parents who lost BOTH of their sons?
-Lex - shot with cold blood to death (fuck him, still murdered)
-Hope in Eve’s body - taking blame and landing in jail because Lena Luthor is a coward
-J’onn’s brother - kindapped, enslaved and made a guinea pig
-Russel - enslaved and forced to put a scalpel to his neck
-KARA
Are they going to ignore she still works for Lex and wants to lobotomize whole humanity and aliens? Probably. But oh wait, Kara’s fault. LOL
And Leigh, oh Leigh :’) Interesting how she totally ignore that J’onn’s bro and Eve were real victims of abuse. Eve especially - she was a teen when Leviathan lured her into their organization and brainwashed, right after when she lost her parents. But yeah, sure only Lena is a victim. And no one, at least not the fans, said a shit about forgiving Ma'alefa'ak or Eve. And seriously, where are the traumas?
-losing mother? yep, horrible thing, almost as traumatic as losing entire planet and all people you love
-stolen boyfriend... well
-being not loved by your step mother?, yep horrible thing, almost as horrible as being not loved by your father who also is a villain and wants to kill you (Winn) or both of your parents, who likes to slap you, put in a cell and promise you brainwashing (Mon-El)
-being manipulated - you are manipulated by people who openly say they are manipulators and you know them for your entire life, mhm
-being tied to a chair by your brother while he explains you his horrible plan
-your horrible step mother framing you and putting your ass into a jail
-being tied to a chair again by your brother and see a gun pointed at you by your so called assistant -how many times other characters experienced something like that? whatever
-Kara not tellling a secret
Did I miss something? All I want to say is, different people react differently to bad shit that happens to them. Some are stronger than others, they differently react to bad things that happened to them.
But the fucking problem is - all the shit that have happened to you DON’T GIVE YOU RIGHTS TO HURT OTHER PEOPLE AND DO EVIL SHIT. Your traumatic past is NOT AN EXCUSE. Other people have traumatic pasts to Lena, and guess what?! They still are not villains who put their so called bestfriends into cages made of kryptonite and torture them.
And how many traumas were caused by Lena herself? By her ego? How many of all of this could have been avoided if Lena had gone to fucking therapy?
That’s the fucking difference that SC shippers should finally learn. But I guess they are not able because you know, they are blind by her beauty.
And no Leigh, we don’t hate Lena because Kara loves her. We hate her because she is horrible human being. Because she is a murderer, abusive, toxic piece of shit that has never paid for her doings. We hate her because she blames everyone just not herself like a typical privileged asshole. We hate her because she treats people like shit. We hate her because she makes Kara miserable, we hate her because she hurt Kara and doesn’t even feel bad about it. We hate her because she is a typical abuser who paint herself as a victim. We don’t give a shit if Kara loves her, especially because she’s slowly realizing what kind of a snake Lena is. Thanks to that she can finally stand for herself. And that’s what makes her real fans happy. But well, it’s proved you all don’t give as hit about Kara and you treat her just as Lena’s trophy princess.
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BRO. I'm sorry for dropping by your ask box with this nonsense but I NEED SOMEONE TO RANT AT. I'm just confused about why Christian Hornet (this was a typo at first, but considering physical and behavioral resemblance to wasps and Daniel's aversion to them, we'll call it a Freudian slip and leave it in)
2/ WHY IS HORNET WELL LOVED IM SO CONFUSED?? i had a weird entrance into f1 because my dad has always been a fan so I've always had an operative understanding of formula one as a sport but this quarantine is credited with directing me to drive to survive and ??? That?? man is like the devils cousin?? I always thought he was this suave British character but like he's a fuckwit and he doesn't get enough credit for it??
3/ I get that the litmus test for wackassery is Cyril but that's a very low bar lol no one needs to watch out for Cyril because he constantly looks like the Melodramatic French Villain Bitch ™ we been knew he's evil, BUT HORNET is the real Iago ya feel? Man runs through "2nd" drivers like a chain smoker does through cigarettes. As soon as he picked up Daniel he demoted/dropped Vettel like he's hot (vettel is hot but different context)
4/ AND NOW WATCHING DRIVE TO SURVIVE : AFTER THIS MAN GAVE SUNSHINE DANIEL A TICKING TIME BOMB OF A CAR THAT KEPT DNF-ing, OBVIOUSLY STARTED FAVOURING MAX HE SAYS " Daniel was running from a fight" BITCH. THE AUDACITY. IMAGINE LOSING TOP TALENTS LIKE VETTEL AND RICCIARDO UNDER YOUR WATCH HOW DID HIS CAREER SURVIVE THIS??? WHAT AM I MISSING? R.I.P TO HIS RESUME
5/ and we all deadass swept the Pierre Gasly situation under the rug like his whole time at Red Bull didn't have more red flags than a Ferrari parade. Hornet is obviously not interested in fostering talent, he wants contenders and prodigies like seb/danny/max that he can play favourites with which doesn't bode well for Albon because he's kind of just expected to live up-to that standard without any help or guidance? Reckon anyone told him his contract was "deliver or die" ???
6/ deadass nearly had a conniption when some redditor linked an article from April this year where hornet says he's still confused as to why Daniel left? How is it not more of an insult that someone would willingly run into Cyrils creepy arms to get away from you? Sis I'm really sorry for this rant but I just keep seeing tumblr posts about how sassy 😳and 😍 witty 🌟💫 hornet is and it triggerd me. I would imagine he'd have plenty of time to be witty when he treat your drivers like disposables
7/7 instead of helping them grow into their talent. In conclusion, fuck Christmas Hornet and thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
You never have to be sorry for coming onto my blog and trashing Hornet, in fact I encourage it. The only person worse than him in Helmut.
I wish I fucking knew. Thankfully I dont follow anyone who likes the prick. After years and years of fucking over drivers and mentally destroying them it always astounds me that anyone likes the guy (or the team). Especially when he cant keep those same drivers names out of his mouth. Like everyone on the fucking world knows why Daniel left, if you dont know its becuase you chose not to see it, you know? Dan has even spoken about it, he wanted a more supportive environment (my words, but that was the gist of it). If Hornet isnt getting that its because he doesnt want to, simple as. He really seems to take Daniel leaving worse than he did Seb or Mark retiring. He still cant fucking shut up about it, nearly 2 years after it was announced.
Honestly rant away anytime. Especially if it ends that way. That conclusion ugh perfection.
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Some very long Rambly TROS thoughts
Holy fuck there is so much wrong with this movie.
Let's start at the beginning. Kylo tracks down the wayfinder/holocron crystal thing that will lead him to the sith homeworld. We learn that Palpatine was behind both the Snoke and Vader voices in Kylo’s head-basically the dude has been manipulating him for 30 years. Kylo states very clearly he's gonna kill this motherfucker. This is very in line with the Last Jedi- Kylo wants to destroy everything- the Sith the Jedi the Resistance- because he’s tired of the constant push-pull of rejection and manipulation. BUT THEN HE DOESNT KILL PALPATINE???? At first the film argues that he doesn't kill Palps because Palps promises him the big FINAL ORDER fleet? Okay...but I don’t think Kylo really gives a shit about a big fleet of ships when it's offered by the fucker who has been scrabbling his brains for shits and giggles. Once the ‘Rey Palpatine’ thing comes to light, we are lead to believe Kylo went along with the whole final order plan because he wanted to kill Palpatine together with REY???? Ahh okay?
So now we switch back to Rey. She's basically a jedi, cool. And I guess the Skywalker saber just fixed itself, with literally no scars or anything. A great visual representation about how this film feels about character development that happened in The Last Jedi. So Rey breaks concentration and fails the courses. According to the film, this happens because sheisapalpatine. If you had two brain cells you would realize Rey could be upset for normal reasons ...like that in order to the Resistance to win she’s going to have to put Kylo down like a dog. Its kinda cool that Leia is her teacher (more on that later).
Soo then we spend the next hour on a pointless adventure with the Trio™. Which would be fun, if they were ever established as a Trio. Arguably the real trio might be Rose-Finn-Poe. More on Rose later. Here is a list of incomprehensible things that happen here:
Kylo reforges his mask. Because Reasons? The knights of Ren. Because Reasons?
A handful of force bond scenes. The first one actually isn’t half bad. By wearing the mask, Kylo is rejecting the intimacy inherent to the connection because he is about to defile it. Grabbing Rey’s necklace is a physical and emotional violation. It's the first time he has ever used the connection for personal gain. The other connection scenes mostly just play around with the two of them being able to pass each other stuff. They lack the careful editing of TLJ connection scenes. Disclaimer: I’m a pretty hard core Reylo and these scenes really lacked the magic they previously had.This might be un-purpose Kylo is clearly pretty lost as this point. Dull, lacking in heart like so much of this film.
Kylo becomes a cartoon power ranger villian spouting Palpatine exposition and attempting to create suspense by almost catching the trio a couple times. Some of the dialogue is almost Revenge of the Sith Anakin level awkward. It lacks both the unstable angry energy of FA or the sad tired boi energy of TLJ.
Rey makes force lighting because I guess she was upset and it's a genetic ability now???
Poe gets a female love interest, becuase hes heterosexual. HeTeroSeXUal.
Poe and Finn flirt for a whole hour while Poe checks out some new chick and Finn now has a harem thing kinda.
Poe is now a spice trader. BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE'S THE HAN SOLO OF THE TRILOGY. Let's just forget that TLJ establishes that Poe is his own character, probably loyal to the resistance since birth. His parents are rebellion alumni.
Two death fake outs. I don’t know why they had to give 3PO his memories back. He lost them at the end of the Prequels and R2 loved him anyway. Chewbacca capture was a missed opportunity to get some resolution to him shooting Kylo in the gut.
Hux is the spy. Lovely. He is the ultimate weak bitch. Tbh the most consistent character development. Arguably my favorite detail on the entire film. Perfect execution. Domhnall Gleason is a gift.
Now onto Endor. Endor has so much potential and squanders most of it.
Finn meets other people who left the stormtrooper program. Cool. Weird how it's tied to force sensitivity. I like the idea of the force putting Poe and Finn in the right place at the right time, but I think to imply people’s ability to escape slavery is tied to force sensitivity brings us to the problematic terrority of the sequels. Also the only one who talks to Finn is also black. And Clearly has a romantic vibe. Okay…..
The Rey Palpatine thing is made explicit. Even though anyone will half a brain figured it out 90 minutes ago. More wierd implications…..who would agree to fuck an old man Palpatine? So Rape i guess. Rey’s parents were normal...is this some kinda side material hook to read more about them or some shit??? Kylo refers to Rey’s parents as ‘filthy junk traders’. He's right. THEY SOLD HER INTO FUCKING SLAVERY. However Rey’s parents are good people??? WTF THIS IS THE JEDI COUNCIL ALL OVER AGAIN.
Soo Kylo destroys the wayfinder to force Rey to work with him. Anti-Reylos will often get their panties in a twist about how it’s an ‘abusive relationship’. This is the only scene that really comes off as manipulative- in a way it never did in TLJ. Partly because they play up this idea of power-hungry Kylo (which has little basis in reality. In FA he just wanted to make Snoke his daddy. And TLJ Kylo is just soo fucking lonely) rather than sad boi Kylo trying to hold onto someone. Damn the TLJ throne scene is soo careful with getting that energy right, balancing the heartbreak with a little gaslighting (sorry off topic). Then They Fight. Kylo doesn’t even pull out a saber at first because he literally has no intention of killing her. Rey fights because she's mad. Leia decides to intervene at this time, which is weird because Kylo still has no intention of hurting Rey. Apparently Leia sending Kylo a text is enough to freak him out. THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN THE TIME FOR FLASHBACKS, MAYBE A ‘YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE’ TO TIE HIM BACK TO HIS NAMESAKE.
Instead Rey gets him in the gut. She then heals him, something that should have been really intimate. This would have been time to kiss him in that wistful ‘ I wanted to know what it would be like before I exile myself forever way’. This is one of the scenes that desperately needed more breathing room AND GIVE KYLO SOME FUCKING DIALOGUE YOU COWARDS. Healing him combined with Leia stuff should have reduced Kylo to a pile of tears. I think he would find it completely overwhelming that someone thinks he is worth it, worth a part of their life source, worth their final breathes.
Oh woah surprise Han Solo. This kinda works for me because unlike robot Leia and fairy godmother Luke, Han looks alive. Plus Han is only a memory so Kylo has to save himself, make his own choice. Aww fuck this got me the closest to tears becuase he looks so fucking sad about the fact that he can’t go home. Damn you Adam Driver and you’re big weepy eyes. His mother is dead and I don’t think he ever truly realized that she wanted him back. I guess with the way things went with Luke, he just assumed he was unwanted. Even now, Han is the only one of the 3 Ben can really imagine taking him back. Who knew Han was such a softie. At the same time there is something so unintentionally sad about the fact that Ben’s whole family can become force ghosts and not a single one gives enough of a shit about him to show up at the turning point of his life.
Also the implication that Ben turns to protect Leia’s lifework is strange. Leia’s legacy is the Rebellion, a democratic senate, a planet wiped off the map, NOT SKYWALKER JEDI #2 JJ!!!!! Ben doesn’t even interact with any of the larger powers at work, he just saves Rey.
Also while Ben’s guilt and shame about killing Han (his true sin) keep him on the dark side, this doesn’t address the 8 million other reasons he left the light. Also why do Leia and Rey never discuss this???? His own fucking family repeatedly rejected him because of his ‘Vadar-ness’ which is ironic considering…….
Then we cut to Rey’s fairy godmother-esque trip to Ahch-To where she arms herself with all of the Skywalker’s personal effects:
Mad that Rian Johnson denied you that ESB fanservice call-back of Luke being able to pull his x-wing out of water?? Don’t worry JJ has got you covered.
Mad that Leia didn’t have lightsaber? Don’t worry JJ has got you covered, Leia was always prepared to be a back up to Luke because she doesn’t have her own perspective or anything or like a whole fucking political system to run. Also she stopped training because apparently completing her journey would end in Ben’s death...ooo SmArT foreshadowing that Rey using her lightsaber will end in one dead Ben boi.
Leia and Luke ALWAYS knew about Rey Palps. Which is funny because they threw their own flesh and blood in the trash because he seemed kinda Vader-y. I guess it's wrong to judge people by their bloodlines unless its your own bloodline. I can’t even.
There is no mention of Ben at all- even though Leia and Luke both died for him and Rey put her whole heart into saving him.
Now to Exeger or whatever again. Almost two hours in and we’re back at the planet we were on in the first 5 minutes.
Spaceship stuff happens. Take out your checklist to get those pilot and ship cameos. Ooo look its The Ghost! OG trilogy pilot! Lando is there! WOOO! Poe’s girlfriend lived somehow!
Ben’s last words are ‘Ow’.
Palps wants Rey to kill him because I guess that will make her evil? Since when does killing people make you evil? I don’t think killing Palps to save the world in the same as ‘striking your enemies down in hatred’ or whatever.
Oh Hey Ben is here. Palps doesn’t care much I guess even though trolling Skywalkers is his whole life’s passion.
Palps drains the life out of Ben/Rey. They don’t die. Ben goes flying into a pit. Rey has to face Palps alone because I guess even though Ben/Rey are stronger together and are cosmically linked the lone jedi thing will happen anyway?? Is feminism about doing everything on your own rather than building meaningful connections with your equal partner. Honestly only Men would think a women has to do everything alone to prove her worth, Rey has been wanting allies and family her whole life LET HER HAVE IT.
Also okay sooo Palps did technically kill Rey’s parents and she had about a whole 5 minutes to think about that. Multiple generations of Ben’s family have been tortured by this guy, so I think it would be rather cathartic to see him play a bigger role in the end of Palp.
Rey enters the Avatar State. Cue more fanservice cameos (I love you Ahsoka, but you said it yourself, you ain’t a jedi). In another backhanded slap to TLJ were back on the TheJediDidNothingWrong line of thinking. Anakin is present ...I wonder if anyone else is interested in talking to him…...
Rey dies. I’m not sure why. Palps legit sucked the life of her and she lived, but the Avatar State killed her.
Ben crawls out of pit. Damn Adam Driver has legs for days. He heals Rey, its kinda sweet but it's also really really weird that he hasn’t said anything. Not saying we need an over the top love declaration but even his emotionally constipated parents managed to get an ‘I love you’ out.
Ben saves Rey. The thing Anakin thought the dark side would give him the power to do. Interesting bookend. Sad that my boy has such low self preservation, he gives her his life without hesitation. Why do we have to die for other people? It’s much harder to have to live for other people. To move and grow beyond the past. To try and be our best everyday, even when its hard. Isn’t that real redemption?
Ben kisses Rey. Awww. Its missing some of the elements of a big romantic drama kiss, which I would be okay with ...if it was followed up with a big romantic kiss with a sunset on a new planet before the credits roll. Alas this does not happen. The audience is somewhat befuddled since their had been almost no dialogue referencing their emotional connections. The ‘no one knows me./I do.’ dialogue from the trailer did not appear in film.
Ben smiles. It has all the boyish charm and innocence Anakin wished he had in the prequels. Aww he really has never kissed anyone. I wonder when the last time he smiled was. HAS THIS MAN EVER HAD A GOOD DAY HIS ENTIRE LIFE. I am emotionally moved until approximately 2 seconds later….
Ben dies. There is no funeral. No mention. Rey doesn’t shed a single tear. This dude literally gave you his life without hesitation. Is Reylo one-sided? Or at least not equally felt? Ow. U The Resistance doesn’t wonder what happened to the Supreme leader. We know at the end of TLJ Luke became a legend, I do not think this happens to Ben.
The Resistance parties. Cue Return of the Jedi film reel. Poe and Finn are heterosexual. No resolution to the stupid ReyFinn force sensitve thing. Two women kiss. It will be cut out of the Chinese release.
Rey buries the lightsabers on Tatooine because you know Luke lived there and Leia once wore a metal bikini there. Rey choose the name Rey Skywalker. Which is interesting because she didn’t get along that well with Luke. She finished her training with Leia Organa Solo, Princess of Alderaan who just happens to have been a result of a sperm donation from Anakin Skywalker. She found a father figure in Han Solo. She loved a guy named Ben Solo. I’m not saying she should name herself Rey Solo, but it certainly is better than Rey Skywalker. I mean it's almost like a person's worth and ability aren’t dependent on either a bloodline or acceptance into the galaxies most powerful family. Rey nobody would have been fine. I’m not going to get into the feminist angle of a self made women tying herself to the legacy of a man. Cue theaterwide groaning.
Twin suns. Cool. I liked them better in The Last Jedi.
Rey has a yellow-ish lightsaber and maybe made out of her staff. Wonder where she got the crystals from and why they didn’t introduce it earlier. Possible implication she's going the way of the ‘grey’ jedi? idk some Jedi have yellow actually. Ahsoka had a yellow one. Not sure since this film is back on the JediwayisBest bullshit.
We see Luke and Leia's force ghosts. Ben’s last word was ‘ow’.
In Summary, some odd implications:
Rey Palpatine is quite possibly the worst idea of all time. Worse than midichlorians. The highest level of fanboy pandering and Rian Johnson erasure. Rey has a lot of very real things to be angry about - her rough childhood, the deaths of her mentors, loving someone as dense as Ben Solo, having to come to terms with the fact that her parents didn’t love her.
Return to prequel-esque thinking on slavery. Apparently it is not that bad if you sell someone as long as you do it with LOVE.
Making Finn force sensitive is not character development. Its just half assed pandering and additional exposition in a film filled with exposition.
There is some truly awful dialogue in this film. Its shot composition and editing is so sloppy compared to FA or TLJ.
The force in balance means killing everyone on the darkside.
Rose is completely sidelined. She is the only Asian character on screen. She is seemingly replaced with a black woman who has a similar background to Finn and is a scavenger like Rey. Yikes. Why does this feel like an anti-interacial relationship thing.
Said Black women Jarrah talks to Lando, another black character in a bizarre dialogue that vaguely implies all black people are related. I might be really misreading this, but its weird. I would have liked her to talk to Rose instead because female solidarity.
FinnPoe is played up a LOT. But we are also repeatedly reminded they are attracted to women. This does not feel like woke Bisexual culture. This is pandering without making a commitment.
Rey’s worth as a character is related to her connection to powerful people in the Star Wars mythos, not her own traits.
Ben’s character resonates really strongly with abuse victims and outsiders. His lack of dialogue strips him of a lot of his agency. His estrangement from his family is not resolved. Vader, who arguably did a lot worse things gets a whole dying monologue and force ghost thing.
Oh hey C3PO said the festival is every 42 year old….OG came out 42 years ago. heh.
In Summary:
Watch the Clone Wars animated series
Fall in love with Ahsoka
Watch Star Wars Rebels or at least all the episodes with Ahsoka and also the series finale, it's got some cool force stuff in it.
Think about the cool force stuff in Star Wars Rebels and the cool force stuff in The Last Jedi. Woah.
Apply all this cool force stuff to your own personal version of the Rise of Skywalker
Wait for clone wars finale Feb 2020
Rinse and Repeat
Peg Kylo Ren
Oscar Isaac is the Captain on the FinnPoe Ship.
The Last Jedi was the Best One. Fight Me.
Find the fanfiction where Rey tells him what a good boi he is which reduces him to a puddle. Find the fanfiction where he cries during sex the first time, the second time, every time. Find the fanfiction where his force ghost gets a hug, where his family welcomes his back.
Read Fanfiction:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/21852886
What I would do instead:
Delete Rey Palpatine
Ditch the mask. You have a fucking Oscar nomiated actor hiding under it.
After the Endor part, have Kylo join either Rey or the Resistance. Personally I think him hitching a ride on the Falcon would have been wonderfully awkward. And maybe give some closure the calling Finn a ‘traitor’ thing. This is fanservice-y, but no more fanservice-y than the rest of the film. And maybe finally answer the question of who does/doesnt know who Kylo Ren is. Would like a verbal declaration that he identifies as Ben Solo or least Ben or something.
Ben can still die I guess but maybe give him some kinda funeral. Or reuse the golden dice symbolism.
Slow everything done. Let the audience feel sad, feel happy. Oh and cut out those fucking death fake outs.
#tros#rambling#reylo#spoilers#rey#Rey of Jakku no last name given#why did i write this#catharthis#ben solo
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Is fandom sexist or is the writing for male characters better?
Either way, female characters often get reduced to a single trait or act rather than taken as a glorious whole and headcanoned into cinnamon rolls. Name five female characters you think deserve a different reception than they got and tag five people.
(tagged by @johnmurphysreddit)
1. From my first headlong fall into fandom, my original OTC and OTP - Peta Wilson’s Nikita, from La Femme Nikita the Series (1997-2001).
She was the protagonist, the title character (!), the show was about her and her story and her journey. I fell headlong for her in the first episode I watched - was I think 1.03 - she was strutting to take on a child slaver/drug dealer and all around bad guy she’d been set up to be impressed by (and was) but she’d figured it out, she was all alone, in this amazing simple red dress with a trench coat swirling around her legs through the fog ... and OMG. I was hers forever. She was angry, she was vulnerable, she was tough and strong - she’s actually quite tall and fit so it was believable that with the constant intense physical training she was shown doing, in nearly every episode, that she could hold her own, she broke more than once and then pulled herself back together again, she stayed full of empathy and righteous anger for the powerless and the oppressed - and full of fury at the powerful who ignored all the people they hurt, even as her own power grew and she had to confront head on the difficult balance of choosing. She didn’t always chose well or wisely, but she never stopped trying, and she learned from her mistakes and made new choices each time around.
But holy moley... so much of the fandom fell so freaking hard for her male mentor/teacher/partner/lover - and decided she just wasn’t good enough for him. Largely because - and this will sound all too familiar - his plot served hers. She wasn’t deferential enough. She had her own story. She actually got mad at him when he hurt her, lied to her, set her up to be played by everyone and their cousin, to be pimped out by him or their superiors (like for real). Fans *hated* her - even though at teh same time they mostly shipped them together as she was most clearly framed as the best ‘prize’ for him on offer in the show. They called her a bimbo and a brat and a spoiled child.
And twenty years later its still impossible for me to write a short sentence about why I love her so, and why her detractors were SO SO wrong to reduce her to some simple caricature of a spoilt teen.
2. Allison Blake, Eureka, 2006-2012.
Allison is *everything* - brilliant, beautiful, kind, capable, loving, mother of a special needs child (well, until the s4 reboot, when she’s the mother of an active and irrepessible teen + a new baby) - and while absolutely confident in her professional life, her romantic life has been a bust, in part becuase of her professional success, and in part because of accident and tragedy, and her insecurities and wounds about her desirabliity and her fears about her mothering of her autistic son made her so real. Also of course, she’s a proudly African American woman - though they handled that so well (IMO) by largely playing it absolutely straight and without comment. The male protagonist Jack very sensibly fell in love with her the first moment he saw her - and spent years working up the courage to approach her, delayed by the adventures of the week/season.
Naturally a huge portion of the fandom immediately shipped Jack with the obnoxious white man (Ed Quinn - who is very pretty, I grant them that - see S2 of the new ODAAT) who spent all his time being as rude and condescending as possible to Jack - and handled this in meta and chat and fic by making Allison out to be a harpy, a bitch, a bad mother, a grasping divorcee, or WORST OF ALL - BAD AT HER JOB. I hated all of them.
3. Echo, The 100
See all the Echo positivity meta basically. I’ve admired her since we first saw her - but she cockblocks a fannishly popular pair. So. Pick your unfortunate adjective and it’s been applied to her as the entirety of her character.
4. Ontari (and Nia, too), The 100
For a show that is pretty solidly dedicated to the propisition that there are no wholly ‘good’ or wholly ‘bad’ characters - everyone does what they believe necessary for their people - and a fandom that absolutely embraces this in defense of their faves, for these two women in particular fandom has had no problem dismissing them as nothing but one dimensional cackling evil bitches. Yes - they were antongists - but why is Dante Wallace a charming snake, and Roan everyones’ favorite fuck boy (okay, mine too) but his mother and his mother’s righthand nightbood nothing but cartoon villians? Ontari in particular seems ripe to me for all kinds of woobification and justification - and had she been a boy, I think s/he would absolutely have had it.
5. Indra, The 100
Indra has - on screen, in dialogue - been given a lot of characterization. She is by turn angry, defensive, kind, remorseful, grieving, afriad, warm, loving, full of good humor, even has mother anguish and mother guilt. She has plenty of backstory. She also acts in whatever she percieves to be her own interests more than once, openly or covertly defing her leadership.
But in fandom - she’s nothing but stoic warrior who dutifully serves whichever white girl is in charge. And they love her for it. It’s a very weird complaint I know - I almost didn’t make it - because her fannish rep is positive on the whole. But it’s entirely one dimensional, even though there is so much more to her in her portrayal in canon, and her allegiances and her emotions move plot - all the time, season after season. She’s a vital character.
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ok ok ok o k so its like 4:33 am y’know so that means i talk about fire spirit because thats normal and i totally didnt mean to sleep around 3 o-o
but liek uh h h lemme think a bit ok so
from the start before he was a spirit (its in my beliefs that he traded his past life for that sexy little bead) he wanted to be STRONG and powerful so fire spirit skidaddled over to the red dragon and BOOM it woketh or maybe he was already a fiery cookie and he burnded the red dragons nose hairs who knows! maybe he just likes to visit every few years and thats why he was expecting a bigger welcome back party
so like hes growing weaker right? yeah hes kinda alternating between “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I NEED POWER” and “AAAAAAAAAAAAA I HAVE POWER AHAHAHAHA” and he doesnt like that he’d much rather just be him or more powerful because fuckin YEHA POWER
so this story ends two ways. fire spirit trying to get his powers back and failing (dustyass lord of ass who looks pretty nice frankly i like the colors a lot to be honest but thats just becuase devsis is making me emosexual. it started with crescent moonlight then fire spirit idk about night raven for sure but oh well)
OR
dark enchantress. hes like “hurr dburr doesnt corruption make you stronger in a way” and ends up getting “corrupted” but instead since hes already so chaotic neutral he only gets stronger (i stole this from another post i probably reblogged) like the person i rb’d mentioned the horn thing that tommy who is big love de mentioned to because tommy loves dark enchantress and thats about all i know about tommy they also love wasabi and its understandable
im not gonna rant and talk about my internet life so ANYWYAS
fire spirit keeps the same runes yeah? so . yeehaw? idk what to make of that i just thought it was interesting how theyre basically all the same.
frankly dustyass edgelord is my favorite of the two costumes and im glad i had 15,280 guild coins saved up but now im too broke for the jelly set o-o
do we even get any fire spirit lore or are we watching him almost die in the event
oh well i guess BUT fire spirit is really prtty in all his forms the least favorite of mine is god of flame but i still love it of course but really could be better. like. yeah thats a lot of fire and i cant handle the heat and its pretty but its bright and im kinda edgy o-o
so that explains my preference plus im broke on the internet money i have 20 dollars irl might ask my grandma if she can help me buy fire spirit costume
almost crying every time i see edgy ass his wings have a little capelike thing and its kinda holey and its beautiful and edgy i should edit him with vampire and he also looks sorta confident
so like hes kinda serious in lord of ash BUT hes also still somewhat him y’know? yeah you do
oh my god i just ghouth of big funny
so picture youre dark enchantress, right? off to go corrupt another legendary! BUT
you cast ur diddly dark magic and....
FIRE SPIRIT LOOKS MORE PURIFIED THAN ANYTHIGN... chaotic good lord of flames .
fire spirit is pretty much chaotic neutral all around besides in lord of flames nothing can stop him o-o fdkljsuadiSKJIOFKLSKL JKLFS JKLFJKL SJKLFFJKLSKJL
OK SO I HAVE COOKIE RUN OPEN RIGHT I KNOW THIS ISN T THE RIGHT TIME BUT HE LEGIT WAS LIKE “finders, keepers! ahaha!” I LOVE HIM
god im excited for tomorrow im getting a haircut and i MIGHT ask for the costume if i feel confident enough though i could get rejected.. . .. .
dont fool around just chill out you might get REJECTED. .. . . .. . .
OK BACK TO HTE FOCUS HOW THIS TIES IN WITH FIRE SPIRITS OVERALL STORY SO
ok bear with me
fire spirit wants to be powerful, of course. from the start. as not fire spirit yet maybe sweet potato but who knows besides himself and maybe devsis idk, he becomes fire spirit! trading off whatever the bored dragon wanted so fire could get stronger.
also proof of fire spirit being a powerlover is very much in his relationships . knight and wind ! sea fairy’s is about his hair which is “fire” magic i suppose what kind of hair conditioner does he use
ANYWAYS
over time his flames are starting to go wild becuase of all this CORRUPTION in the cookie kingdom and around and its making his magic funky becuase thats just a random thought i just had like what if corruption messed with magic? imagine that. so hes alternating between too weak and too strong and he doesnt understand so he heads to dragons valley all like “heyo whats the answer” but nobodys there
i havent finished the event but hes basically just looting every dragon he’s ever known like what they left behind? his now
maybe the dragons will come back home.... .. . . pl eas....... i miss them
anywhoodle
the thing about two possible ends of fire spirit
the first end is dark enchantress finding him then boom ur corruption only makes him chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
(chaotic tends to not follow or give regards to law. chaotic good breaks the law for people, neutrals just do whatever they want for themselves, and chaotic evil goes out of their way to hurt others)
so like
dark enchantress doesnt know how to take this, right? her magic failed her for once. fire spirit is going batshit crazy becuase hes like “WOAHAHAHAHAH HAHHAHH H H HH H H IM STILL SUPER STRONG :OOOO” and then he goes even MORE batshit crazy and maybe burns down a town or something becuase hes going wild from the power but then he calms down
he’d probably be willing to do things for dark enchantress if it were a deal or something but lord of flames might not go all the way out to kill tree like what the fuck
ALSO
LORD OF ASHES is probably NOT AS WARM AS FIRE SPIRIT who is already somewhat huggable if ur not fuckin uhh water or ice or if u dont like being a little warm ANYWAYS LORD OF ASHES is HUGGABLE becuase being weak makes him cool down and so you can hug the edgelord (which i would totally do if he were real and not a cookie)
i like to repeat myself a lot but its almost 5 am anywaysy uhhh im going to talk about his personality
so hes like really energetic of course and very chaotic neutral he just do what he wana do hes like “finders keepers!” and he probably enjoys showing off his power to other cookies. praise makes him more happy than others and he has a very high ego that can only be doused by less power. the more powerful he is, the more egotistical he is. lord of flames is a fucking pain to be around if you dont wanna listen to him brag about accomplishments and thats the only reason he doesnt work for de
lord of ashes is a downer and kinda sad but he still has a little bit of fire spirit in him hes basically just “you gotta die sometime” but hes not gonna die becuasei wont allow it hes only allowed to die in a completely comedic way like he tries to hug wind and hten actual wind blows and he gets thanos snapped by the air and wind is like “OH FUCK OH SHIT” and all that’s left as a relic is his gem and wind archer tries to fix it and fails though who knows maybe hes night raven because in hte game night raven came before lord of ashes so???!? !?!? !? ?!?
night raven walks up to lord of ashes “bitch im going to fucking kill you” then blows lightly and fires just like “oh noooo aww shit here we goooooooooooo again” and hes just a gem now
maybe fire spirit causes the next mass extinction as lord of flames because hes like “DSKLJFS KLJ*(UJIORWKSFOR IEKANHWOI JSKFN IJDLASKSF IM SO POWERFUL AHAHAH HUAJKAKL JKLA JAH HA HAHL HAH AH HAH HAH HHAH AH HAHAH A *JUMPS INTO A VOLCANO AND BLOWS THE FUCKING WORLD UP*”
#fire spirit cookie#i tlaked about him a lot whoopsies#mostly just concepts about what i think about him becuase its almost 5 am and i like to say my opinions on things
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So you finally watched The Last Jedi. Thoughts?
It is worse than I could have possibly imagined.Sit down and buckle up, because this one’s a doozy. (Spoilersabound.)
AsI’ve previously detailed, it was clear the movie was a trainwreckeven before I watched it due to simple structural issues with thebasic plot, much of it inherited from The Force Awakens (which I didsee.) To wit, the movie is a sequel to the original trilogy, butcompletely ignores everything that happenedin the original trilogy. Having seen The Last Jedi, it’s nowblatantly clear thatthe new trilogy was intended as a reboot - but that’s impossible todo when it’s shamelessly mining the OT for characters, concepts, andinformation. I’m not talking about the shameless density of nostalgiareferences and even aped plots in The Force Awakens, either - I’mtalking about The Last Jedi considered in a vacuum. (Just one exampleis Leia’s use of force power to pull herself back into her ship,which makes no sense without the original trilogy context.) Giventhe high praise some of my friends had paid the show, I’d been opento the possibility of it having merit as a movie, ifnot as a Star Wars sequel, butits inability toescape the structural/sequel critique presaged its complete and utterfailures in writing.
Thisis a point I must make explicit: TheLast Jedi is such a horribly written movie that it transcends merefailure; it is actively harmful and offensive, “problematic” inthe sense that the much-maligned “SJWs” use the term. Thisis the unassailable core of the offense that The Last Jedi (“TLJ”)offers. Much of what I’m about to bitch about, especially anythingto do with pre-established Star Wars canon, could have been glossedover, or even forgiven, if the core storytelling was solid enough. Ifit looks flashy and cool, adheres to rules that the audience knowsfrom prior films, oreven rules the film itself laid down earlier, anyaction sequence or detail of spaceships and tech can be made to work.Star Wars is classic Space Opera centered on Space Wizards; youcan get away with a lotifyou’re making one big concession to enable the plot and not justjerking the audience around every five minutes. But TLJ not only doesthat, it also has no story worth making concessions to enable. Theinescapably lethal flaw of TLJ is that none of the characters areworth a damn, and their arcs simply do not work.
That’sit. Without that, you have no story, period. Withthat,any number of flaws, errors, and plot holes might be forgiven, if thecore story is strong enough. Even if the core story isn’tstrongenough, one could at least acknowledge that the movie wasn’t a totaldisaster, it was just dragged down by too many errors, a death of athousand cuts. TLJ manages to have allof the ancillary problems, andno character story at all to make it worth a flying fuck.
Thiswon’t be a comprehensive dismantling of TLJ, as there’s more thanenough out there - I suggest seeing MauLer’sreviews, either the 30 minute “Unbridled Rage” or thethree-part,multi-hourtakedown for a truly exhaustive treatment. This is mostly Planefag’sPerspective (becuase people like it when I say the funny fuqq wordsapparently,) an explanation to my writer friends (which they’ll findinteresting, as it’s rare for our opinions on works of fiction todiverge so strongly), and presentation of what seems to be aheretofore unmade argument - that TLJ is morally reprehensible bydint of the biases, prejudices and twisted ideas it perpetuates.
Yes,it is that fuckingbad. ButI’m saving the best for last. In order of magnitude, why TLJ is apile of steaming, utter shit:
NOT ONE SINGLEFUCKING CHARACTER ARC WORKS AT ALL.
Thisis the core, unforgivable failing - the complete absence of anyfucking story. This isespecially notable with Rey and Kylo, the lead characters of themovie around which everything else revolves. WhenRey and Kylo first spoke to each other across lightyears, I stood upand shouted “THE FORCEIS NOT A FUCKING SKYPE CALL!” Iwould’ve forgiven the Space Wizard liberties had the interactionsworked, but my wrathproved sadly prescient, as Kylo and Rey’s every interactionthereafter seemed like two teenagers awkwardly flirting over Skype…except they had far lesschemistry than that. As I write this, I find it difficult to evenrecall what they fucking talked about- the first time was Kylo surprised it was happening and Rey callinghim an evil murdering prick (for good reason,) the second time sherang him up when he had his shirt off and he told her to “let go ofthe past, kill it if you must,” and the third time she told him shesensed conflict in him, they touched hands through The Force, and she“saw his future” through this, because Rey Is Very Good At TheForce.
Onthe basis of these three interactions, Reygoes from Kylo Ren’s sworn enemy to moist and thirsty for histhrobbing red lightsaber. I shit you fucking negative. Uponthese three brief conversations,the central character story of the entire movie rides- and they come nowhere close topulling it off. There’s so many reasons for this that it’s hard tosummarize them. Rey’s shown to be pining for her family again(despite having moved past this in her character arc in The ForceAwakens, but Rian Johnson can’t keep shit consistent in his ownmovie, much less thesame fucking trilogy.) She’s angry at Kylo for killing his father,Han, whom she was adopting as a father figure herself (their firstchat takes place after Luke asks after Han and Rey accuses Kylo ofit, so this is expressly brought forward into TLJ.) So when Kylo ripsinto Rey over her parents; pointing out that they were white trashthat sold her into servitude for drinking money and never cared abouther, before telling her to kill her past, he’sonly reminding her that he had something she never did and alwayswanted (a loving family,) and that he fucking murdered saidfamily. There’s no wayRey could empathize with Kylo over this.
Butwe’re supposed to ignore this, and believe that Rey now feels someempathy for Kylo because she 1. saw him with his shirt off and 2.touched his hand and Sensed The Good In Him Through The Force.
Whata load of complete and utter fucking horseshit.
Thereare other arcs, and they all fall flat on their fucking faces aswell. For starters, Luke.Luke’s arc, especially, cannotbe insulated from continuity criticisms because he’s the mainfucking character of the Original Trilogy, andTLJ leans heavily onthat lineage for its setup. The climax of Luke’s character arc wasachieving the seemingly impossible - redeeminghis father, Darth Vader, who had fallen to evil decades ago andcommitted untold numbers of atrocities. Andin TLJ, Luke actually contemplates CHOPPINGHIS OWN NEPHEW’S FUCKING HEAD OFF becausehe “sees darkness in him.” The man who’s crowning, definingachievement was redeeming his Father from the dark side isconsidering NEPOTICIDEbecause the kid mightfall.
Evenif you ignore that, why Luke’sinsists that“the Jedi should end” is never explained, as he never says itoutright and never finishes a single lesson with Rey which issupposed to teach her why.Why does he extrapolate hisfailure to mean the entire galaxy isbetter off without them? His interactions with Rey accomplishnothing; he basically tells her to fuck off for a while, decides to“teach her,” promptly tells her she’s supor haxx0rz powerful likeKylo, watches her master lightsaber-ing because she knows how toswing a metal quarterstaff, and is then told by Yoda himself thatthere’s nothing in the ancient Jedi tomes Rey needs, because she’s sofucking special she knows it all already. Yoda fucking torchesthe ancient temple-tree-library to make his point that Luke’s always“staring at the horizon instead of at what’s in front of him” andthat he needs to focus on the here and now; implicitly saying thatRey was right, and he shouldhump his ass out there to “face down the First Order with a lasersword”…
…but instead of doing that, he literally phonesit in from half a galaxy away with The Force, puttinghimself in (almost) no danger, but fucking dies anyways,meaning he died as he lived; agrouchy old coward who never did face down his own apprentice andanswer for his mistakes. Luke’sarc makes no fucking sense, achievesnothing, and goes fucking nowhere.
Finnand Rose was portrayed as a budding relationship, except there wasn’ta single fucking hint of it being romantic till she kissed him at theend of the show after a pat speech about “saving what we love.”In the beginning of the movieshe tazes Finn (yes, the black man got tazed) for trying to skip townin an escape pod, which she found personally offensive because hersister had just died in the opening battle to defend The Resistance.At the end of the movie, Finn is willing to sacrifice his life todefend that same Resistance, his character having actually grown -and Rose rams him off-course before he can do so, despitehaving tazed him earlier in the movie for dishonoring hersister’s sacrifice to defend the exact same cause. Atbest, this means shewas only truly concerned with her personal loss, which would make hera self-centered, selfish cunt, willing to sacrifice the lives of manyothers (and potentially the freedom of the entire Galaxy) for her ownemotional needs. But it’s not portrayed as a selfish decision - it’sportrayed as the right one,which taps into an entire larger problem of its own I’ll touch onlater. It’s the same problemthat’s entirely responsible for crippling Poe’s character arc. Finnand Rose were simply dealt the coup de grace by it, as theirpreceding scenes together were sparse; involving them coming up witha plan to save the rebel fleet (seconds after Rose had tazed him,bro, and had no reason to do a 180 and start trusting him without anexplanation that he never did give,) a monologue about how shitRose’s life was and How Capitalism Is Bad on the casino planet, and abrief “well we’re fucked and by extension THE ENTIRE GALAXY but westuck it to the man, how cool,” and Rose has a moment where shesets an animal free and says that was superior to making baddieshurt, setting up her closing line later.
Andthat’s it. That’s fucking it. Comparethis to Princess Leia in the original trilogy. Her response to aStormtrooper walking into her cell - someone who she has every reasonto assume is there to take her to a torture session (as she wasclearly shown being tortured some minutes earlier in the movie,) isto comment wryly on his height. Andseconds after breaking out of the jail cell, she’s shouting orders atpeople, spraying the air with energy from a stolen blaster rifle, andin fact leading themout of the immediate danger (“Someone’s got to get us out ofhere!”) And during this entire sequence herrepartee and rivalry with Han Solo is already being established, the“excuse me Princess” cranked to the max. The friction that beginstheir relationship is Han butting heads with her before witnessingthat she’s dangerous,composed, and competent in emergency and combat situations. Notonly is their relationship developed during actionsequences of real consequence, as well as down-time chats, but italso takes three entire moviesto build to a climax. Comparedto that writing, Rey jumping on Kylo’s dick after three Skype callsand Rose giving one rusty fuckabout Finn are egregiously bad.If you criticize the OT andthink TLJ is superior, you have a lot toanswer for, right there.
However,Finn himself had potential - if only because his character was theleast tampered with, so one could assume his character developmentfrom TFA was intact, and TLJ’s script hinted gently in support of itand never against it. He started TFA just wanting to run like abitch, and by the end had come to care, at least, about defendingRey. He was trying to hare off after Rey in the beginning of TLJ, andby the end had committed fully to a cause, the opposite cause of theone he’d abandoned at the opening of TFA. It’snever really covered why hegrows like this - at the very beginning he goes from wanting to legit to forming a plan with Rose to save the fleet instantly. He wastalking his way out of being shoved in the brig at the time, but henever takes a subsequent option to duck out; in the space of a fewseconds he’s committed himself to a dangerous recon mission that willend with infiltrating an enemy capital ship withapparently no qualms whatsoever. If this was ever covered indialogue, it was so brief I completely missed it - and this isprobably why his arc “worked” the best; it wasn’t the focus, so Ididn’t care much about how it happened… plus, by the end, Finn isthe only halfway relatable character at all, beating Rose by alandslide because we have awhole movie of development for him (TFA) as opposed to one briefboo-hoo monologue from Rose (oh and her sister died boohoo.) He’s nota fucking Mary Sue like Rey, he’s not entirely certain about his rolein things, and so at the end, when he makes the decision tosuicide-run the Very Big Gun, there’s actually some investment andaudience-character empathy there. Finn,alone, is the only character we can empathizewith.
Andthen fucking Rose putson a stellar display of Asian Driving Skills and robshim of his moment,because-
EVERYBODY WITHA PENIS IN THIS MOVIE IS ALWAYS WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING ALWAYS,BECAUSE FUCK MEN
Thisis not an exaggeration. In my priorcomments I mentioned that just because everyone saidthis was the case didn’t mean Ibelieved it, because I’ve seen the CHUDs hurl the same complaints atobjectively excellent movies (the latest Mad Max, forinstance,) and that’s before theGamer/pol/Gate crowd made counter-bitching at the SJW bitching apastimefor casual amusement. I wasexpecting some token casting, some throwaway GRRL POWER lines, etc.
Instead,I got the most misandrist movie I have ever seen.
It’snot just a matter ofwriting every male character to be stupid and every female characterto be smart - the laws of probability themselves bendover backwards to make everything a woman does the right choice, andeverything a man does the wrong one… except even when the Universedoesn’t do that, theman gets his ass chewed out anyways for making the rightcall.
Butthat came later. My first exposure to the misandry came in the formof Admiral Holdo, a purple-haired, ballgown-clad fleet Admiral wholooked like she walked out of Tumblr SJW Central Casting. But despiteThe Internet having named this character as egregiously bad manytimes, nothing, nothing prepared me for the actualperformance.
LauraDern deliberately portrays Holdo as a venomous, imperiousbully.
Onehas to actually see the performance to appreciate howdeliberate and well-done it is. Laura Dern crosses her arms, doesn’tface the person she’s addressing, literally looks down her nose whenshe does, and even does that particular kind of sneer whereone bites their lower lip and looks at someone like they’re dogshit.Laura Dern’s delivery perfectly matches the scripted lines - sheresponds to a straightforward request for information from Daemon Poeby insulting him, then attacking him- “My plan? Like yourplan which destroyed all our bombers?” She then proceeds to attackhis manhood, calling him a stupid little gung-ho flyboy, and advisinghim to “stick to his post and follow my orders” with the exactsneering tone of someone saying “sit down and be a good littleboy.” The soft-spoken volume of the delivery just drives it home -it’s the “oh, honey” condescending shitpost meme made manifestand played entirely straight.
Theworst part of this performance is that Hold is supposed tobe an Admiral, a military officer. Poe eve drops a line about herbeing the hero of such and such battle to establish that she’ssupposedly respected and famous - and then she proceeds to shredthat impression by acting like anything but a militaryofficer. Captain Janeway on Star Trek: Voyager wasn’t verynice - in fact, she could be an outright rude asshole - but shealways sounded like a Captain when Kate Mulgrew delivered herlines. She didn’t deliberately humiliate or insult people by saying“sit down like a good little boy;” she’d say “I’m the Captain,get the fuck off my bridge before I brig your ass forinsubordination.” That’s how the military works; there is achain of command, and those who challenge it are reminded thatthey’re pissing on God’s leg, and God does not fuck around. Todeliberately portray Holdo as literal stereotype of a “nastywoman” suggests that Rian Johnson actually thinks this is what a“strong woman” should look like. And in fact, Laura Dern saidthis explicitly:
Speaking about her character’sstylish-yet-firm leadership, Dern told VanityFair: “[Rian is] saying something that’s been atrue challenge in feminism. Are we going to lead and be who we are aswomen in our femininity? Or are we going to dress up in a boy’sclothes to do the boy’s job? I think we’re waking up to what wewant feminism to look like.”
So apparently CaptainJaneway wasn’t a real woman, because women simply can’t beauthoritative and direct, and if they are, they’re just playing asthose toxic men. From the director’s point of view, a “strongwoman” is a viscous, venomous bully who replies to peoplerequesting information by insulting, mocking, humiliating andsneering at them instead of firmly asserting their lawful authorityand citing their own reputation for competence.
Rian Johnson bothdirected and wrote the movie, so in this one scene, everythinghe believes is coming out - the epitome of an entire plot ruledby the iron fist of misandrist horseshit. The scene itself isan example. The movie opens with the Resistance evacuating a planetas the First Order fleet (led by a massive dreadnought with an“autocannon”) closes in. Poe Dameron, the aforementioned “flyboy”attacks and destroys the dreadnought, against Leia’s orders, just asit is explicitly shown to be locking its Big Scary Gun ontoLeia’s command cruiser (there’s even a cut to Leia’s face toemphasize the point.) There’s nothing to suggest that Leia’s cruiserwould’ve gone to lightspeed before then if not for Poe’s attack;despite him landing in a hurry, we know X-Wings arehyperspace-capable themselves (within this movie, in fact, as we’reshown an X-Wing underwater on Luke’s island; presumably his ridethere,) and as a Captain and, apparently, the Resistance’s fieldcommander, Poe would know the rally point the Resistance isevacuating to.
The movie itselfshows that Poe saved the command cruiser, and with it, the entirecommand staff of the Resistance - and for this he is first demoted byLeia for disobeying orders, and then viciously insulted by Holdo whenhe simply asks her for information. When the First Order follow theResistance through hyperspace with some newly-invented trackingdevice, Kylo Ren and his fellow Spess Fighters zoom in and blow upthe cruiser’s launch bay with torpedo-like missiles… and are thenimmediately ordered to retreat because the capital ships “can’tcover them that far away.” This makes absolutely no fuckingsense, as in the battle scene immediately prior, Poe attackedthe dreadnought to take out its “surface cannons” to clear theway for the Resistance’s bomber ships to attack, and the captain ofsaid ship explicitly says that those guns can’t hit fightersand that they should have their own fighters out there - “fiveminutes ago,” no less, as if lampshading the plot convenientincompetence makes it okay. And since two torpedo-like missilesutterly destroy the command cruiser’s launch bay, you can surmise theFirst Order doesn’t require huge, plodding, and stupidly vulnerable“bombers” as the Resistance used to take out the dreadnought.Said dreadnought didn’t have any visible shield protection during thefirst battle; (especially obvious because we’re later shown capitalship fire hitting the shielding of the command cruiser with verydistinctive special effects,) and in fact the command cruiserexplicitly “focuses its shields aft” to fend off thepursuers capital-class weaponry, just to create the opening for Kyloto nuke the hangar bay (and blast Leia into space as well.) Thereis absolutely no fucking reason the First Order fighter-bomberscouldn’t have finished off the command cruiser right then and there,but we’re simply shown Kylo’swingmen being shot down (by what, we never see,) as he’s told “theycan’t cover him out there” as an excuse. The movieviolates its own rules just to take away Poe’s X-Wing and put Holdoin charge.
Andthis is just the fucking beginningof the Universe itselfbending over backwards to invalidate everythinganyone with a penisdoes. Poe is the one that authorizes Finn and Rose’s sidequest tofind a “master codebreaker” at the Gold Saucer (to sneak on thebad guy’s ship to disable their tracker so the fleet can escape,) buttheir plan fails because Fuck Anyone With A Penis. But that’s not theoffensive part. Earlier, Poe sees Holdo’s fueling the transports, andangrily points out that said transports will be sitting ducks for theenemy’s guns. He asks Holdo againfor a plan, and shefeeds him some fucking bullshit non-answer about “hope being aspark that lights a fire.” With the entireResistance Fleet nowdown to one cruiser (outof three starting ships), Poe intelligently determines that Holdo isfucking useless and stages a mutiny so he can see his own planthrough. Holdo defeats her captors by not getting shot the moment shetwitches and winning a point-blank firefight with much younger combattroops because fuck you. Nowback in command, she sees off Leia (just awake after her impromptuspace-walk) and on thetransports, Leia tells Poe that “Holdo knows the First Order won’tbe scanning for small ships like this.”
Yes.That’s the explanation. Poe Dameron - the fleet’s combat commanderand fighter pilot, someone who’s fucking job isto understand the capabilities of the ships in their fleet - didn’tknow this, but Admiral Holdo did because she has a vagina andtherefore is perfect. They’re boarding the transports to “slipaway” to another planet - visiblethrough the fucking window - andyet the First Order - WHOWATCHED THESE PEOPLE EVACUATE THE LAST PLANET ON THESE TRANSPORTS -“won’t know to lookfor small ships like these.”
Butwait - it gets worse. Finn and Rose’s mission failed, not becausethey were simply caught by security or because they were attemptingsomething that Ben Kenobi, an experienced Jedi knight had to give hislife to accomplish in Ep. 4 whenthe enemy was letting them go, butbecause a traitor betrayed them, who also, conveniently, tells thefirst order about the transports, so they’re revealed by a“decloaking scan” (which implies the transports have cloakingdevices; i.e. an inherent designed ability of the vessels, not just asmaller sensor signature inherent to their size, ergo something POEDEFINITELY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN ABOUT.) TheFirst Order starts blasting transports out of the sky, and of coursethis is all Poe’s fault.
Andthen there’s the Robbing of Finn. Admiral Holdo kamikazes the commandcruiser into the First Order fleet with the hyperdrive (itself afucking massive, retarded plot hole to end all plot holes), thussacrificing herself to Save The Resistance. And yet when Finnattempts to do THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING not20 minutes later in the movie; a kamikaze self-sacrifice to save theentire Resistance, Rose rams into him to stop because “we shouldsave what we love instead of destroy what we hate.” This line isdelivered as the Big Gun blows up the base’s doors, thus sealing theResistance’s Fate… but wait! They all escape through a back doorbecause Rey shows up just in time to use her never-trained,never-practiced Force powers to clear a rockslide for them. Rose hadno way of knowing this would happen; meaning her ramming of Finn was,as far as she knew, condemning everyoneto death and her andFinn, at best, tocapture and execution by the First Order. But as usual, the Plotitself bends over backwards to make her choice the correct one, andFinns the wrong one.
Shortlyafter this, Poe “completes his character arc” by acting on whatLeia told him (“you have to run not fight sometimes”) andparroting that fucking arrogant bully bitch Holdo’s fortune-cookieAesop about sparks lighting fires, finally acknowledging the WisdomOf The Females, despite everychoice he made in this movie beingthe objectively correct ones, given the knowledge that he as acharacter possessed.
Andwe haven’t even talked about Rey yet.
Ohmy fucking god, Rey.
Reyis the biggest fucking Mary Sue I have ever seen. This,like every other blunt statement in this piece, is not anexaggeration, as much as it saddens me. Rey can fail at nothingshe attempts. Rey has towork for absolutely nothing she gains. Rey has as much raw power asKylo, at least (by Luke’s own judgment,)and she is moreskilled than he is at lightsaber fighting as evidenced by her savingKylo afew times during the throne room fight. This,despite having notraining in the weapon(which has no mass and can lop off her limbs easily, unlike the metalquarterstaff she’s experienced with) compared to Kylo, who trainedunder Luke himself foryears before moving on to whoever the fuck Snoke was supposed to be.Rey can just touch Kylo’shand and “see his future” isn’t all dark, when the much moreexperienced Luke did the same and only saw darkness. Rey can temptKylo to betray his master and move towards the light after threefucking awkward Skype calls. WhenLuke ignored his master and left in the middle of his training torescue his friends, he got his fucking ass kicked, his handcut off, and his lightsaber lost. WhenRey does the exact same thing, SHE BEATS LUKE MOTHERFUCKINGSKYWALKER IN A MELEE FIGHT, FLIES OFF INTO SPACE, AND SUCCEEDS ATTURNING EDGELORD MCSITHBOI AT LEAST HALFWAY AND SAVES THE ENTIRERESISTANCE BY LEVITATING A WHOLE FUCKING ROCKSLIDE WITH NO TRAINING,WHEN LUKE, WHO WAS ACTIVELY BEING TRAINED, STRUGGLED TO MERELY STACKONE ROCK ON ANOTHER AND COULDN’T HOIST AN X-WING THAT WEIGHED LESSTHAN THAT WHOLE ROCKSLIDE PUT TOGETHER.
Reyis a stupid boring nothing, who’s emotions and struggles I can’t finda single fuck to give about because she’s never in any realdanger, never has to work for anything she gets, and never developsas a person at all. I didn’t criticize her character arc because shenot only lacks one, she’s arguably not even a character at all -there’s seemingly no limit to her abilities, no flaws or pitfalls forher character, since everything she does turns out to be the rightcall (sound familiar?) and only the barest suggestion of whatpersonal goals she seeks (and those aren’t sold one fucking bit bythe story development.) For all effects and purposes Rey is a walkingavatar of the Plot itself, or as Rian seems to call it, The Force.
FuckRey and the bantha she rode in on.
THE PLOT IS THE MOSTNONSENSICAL, LAZY PILE OF FUCKING SHIT EVER PUT TO PAPER BY MORTALMAN
Muchof the plot’s problems originate from what I described above; thevery rules of the universe bending over backwards to serve RianJohnson’s twisted misandrist worldview. But they don’t stop there,by a fucking long shot.
Muchhate has been thrown at those “bombers” in the movie’s opening,but as I said before, TLJ cannot stand on its own even in relationto itself. Ignoring all of pre-existing Star Wars canon, eventhings belonging to the “new movies” like Rogue One, within TLJitself, fighter-bombers are shown delivering grievous damage to acapital ship when Kylo’s wingmen blow the shit out of Leia’s bridge,using torpedo-like missiles that can strike at a distance, launchedfrom fast, maneuverable craft. Said cruiser’s bridge was explicitlyunshielded at the time, since its shields were “focused aft” tofend off turbolaser fire - something that’s shown with distinctivespecial effects that were totally absent when Poe was blasting lasercannons off the First Order Dreadnought in the beginning (ergo, itwas unshielded for some reason.) So the movie itself has shownthat unshielded targets can get the shit blown out of them byfighter-bombers firing torpedoes and that the dreadnaught wasunshielded.
Ionly mention this because it really pissed me off personally, andbecause it showcases Rian Johnson’s dogshit sense of drama andaesthetics, as he had a hardon for “WWII bombers” and apparentlythought it’d make for a better, tenser combat scene than Y-Wingsweaving and dodging through AA fire and enemy fighters like VT-8making their courageous, doomed run at the Kido Butai atMidway. The actual plot itself doesn’t have “holes,” asthat implies an otherwise cohesive structure with missing bits. Theplot is 90% holes and 10% substance, a sieve trying to hold meaning.
Theentire movie’s plot is set up by a “low speed chase,” theResistance fleet fleeing from the First Order’s fleet at sublightvelocities, because the First Order is using a “hyperspace tracker”that’ll allow them to chase the Resistance at FTL anyways. TheResistance’s cruisers are faster, which allows them to pull out oflethal range of their enemies, but - as a First Order officer says -“they’re faster and lighter but they can’t get away from us.”
Thismakes no fucking sense. If they’re faster - even by a smidgen -they’re faster. If they can pull out of laser cannon range tostart with, they can keep pulling out of range. They mightsimply maintain range once clear, to save fuel (because ships needfuel and they’re low, of course - something never, ever mentionedbefore in any Star Wars film ever,) but this makes no sense when youconsider that the objective of Admiral Holdo (which she won’t tell tofucking anyone) is to reach a planet with an old Rebel base with atransmitter powerful enough to “contact our allies in the Outer Rimand call for help.” In which case it’d make sense to haul ass forsaid planet, so they have some time to call for help and wait for itsarrival without the First Order launching a ground assault almost assoon as they land, right?
Butwait! Rey delivers herself to the First Order’s flagship via zippingin from Hyperspace with the Millennium Falcon, very close - beggingthe question of why the First Order (apparently not low on fuel)can’t use Hyperspace themselves to zip ahead of the Resistance fleet(even if they’ve got to bounce to a neighboring system due tominimum-range reasons) and cut them off, or just do a direct jump tocatch up. Worse, Finn and Rey take a hyperspace-capable shuttle toCasino World to execute their convoluted plan, which begs thequestion - why didn’t Holdo order an engineering team onto theshuttle and send it ahead to the old Rebel base? HOW MANY FUCKINGPEOPLE DOES IT TAKE TO WARM UP A REACTOR, BLOW THE DUST OFF A CONSOLEAND PLACE A FUCKING COLLECT CALL?
Thesecomplete failures of intellect - yes, even the infinitely stupidhyperspace kamikaze thing - all have one thing in common: they orientaround plans and facts that aren’t revealed to us till the lastminute, so we won’t notice these problems. It’s also because RianJohnson only cared about “subverting expectations” and provingthat his super special women were so clever and right all along, sohe clearly pulled plot elements out of his ass as he deemed themconvenient.
Ifyou’re one of my Twitter followers who usually tunes in for my vagueranting about defense-related matters, some necessary context isneeded: I’ve written literally thousands of pages worth of “quest”fiction; where I write anywhere from a few paragraphs to a few pagesof fiction, then have my audience vote on what the main characterdoes next - and the content itself is anime fanfiction. And Iam dead serious when I say that, at my worst, when Iwas pulling shit out of my ass on the spot, writing almost inreal-time and posting updates without stopping to proofread or editat all, I never did anything this fucking lazy. At myworst - writing that was so awful I wouldn’t wipe Assad’sass with it - I put more effort into my plot and consistency thanRian Johnson did with his titanic budget and multi-billion dollarstewardship of a beloved brand and franchise.
Andthat’s why I don’t find the hyperspace kamikaze moment offensive onits own merits. It’s horrific, yes - it invalidates space combat inthe entire setting, as well as begging questions specific to themovie (why didn’t Holdo use it outright, for instance?) but thesearen’t any worse than the numerous other stupidities that belabor theplot. What makes the hyperspace thing stand out to me is the attemptto excuse it - two throwaway exchanges. A First Order bridgeofficer notes that Holdo’s cruiser is spinning up its FTL drive, andthe commander dismisses it as an attempted diversion to lead themaway from the transports they’re potting like ducks. This isapparently the excuse for why Holdo didn’t do it earlier - she neededa distraction to allow time to turn. Nevermind that the other twoships with them - that ran out of fuel and were destroyed, afterevacuating their crew to the command cruiser - could’ve providedthis option hours earlier. The two lines make it clear that RianJohnson was aware of this plot hole, and he tries to paper it overwith two brief dialogue lines, as if that’ll excuse everything.
Theentire fucking movie is riddled with lines like this; barebreaths that have to carry the entire movie’s fucking plot setup. Reymentions to Luke that the First Order will “control all the majorsystems within weeks” at the beginning. The Order officer’s singleline that explains the Low Speed Chase the entire movie revolvesaround. Leia’s offhand mention of the old base with the Transmitterof Sufficient Power to reach Their Allies In The Outer Rim. Etc. TLCis demonstrably lacking “downtime” as a movie - think Luke, Hanand Leia chatting in the base on Hoth (“laugh it up, furball,”)the briefing in Episode 4 laying out the Death Star attack, etc.Fiction writing calls it pacing, and scriptwriting calls this “storybeats;” you need the right tempo of fast and slow to properly pacea movie. TLJ never slows down long enough to fucking explainitself, compared to the earlier movies - and the OT didn’t domuch of that to begin with! But it did more than enough to ground theentire story in a larger framework of what the situation was, andwhy the character’s actions mattered. We don’t get that in TLJ.Even the fucking opening scroll narration is inferior in termsof information density. It’s almost like there isn’t a plotworth a damn, just whatever horseshit excuse Rian Johnson squeezesout of his anus next, and if the movie stops cramming glossy CGI andaction figure product placement down your throat for five fuckingseconds, you’ll probably catch on.
Thekorn kernel atop this turd sundae was the ending - with the entirefucking Resistance reduced to maybe a dozen or so personnel - andnone of the command staff, save Leia - on board the MillenniumFalcon, which is only a light freighter, capacity-wise. The “outerrim allies” never show, so this is the entirety of the Resistanceforces. They have no combat fleet, no combat personnel, nobases, no resources, no guns, no ammo, no snub fighters, nothing buta single light freighter and their own limp dicks.
Butthe end of the movie shows them flying around handing out secretResistance rings to force-sensitive kids, as if cereal-box decoderrings are enough to overthrow a vast evil galactic empire. Your AR-15can’t stop a government with tanks and fighter planes, but RianJohnson expects us to believe that the ability to levitate rocks andplace intergalactic Skype calls without paying ComStar can overthrowSpace Nazis.
RianJohnson couldn’t write his way out of a Naruto fan forum.
THIS MOVIE IS AMORALLY REPREHENSIBLE SHITPILE THAT NORMALIZES LIES ABOUT ABUSIVEBEHAVIOR BY MALES TOWARDS FEMALES IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS
That’sright. I said it.
Thismovie is actively harmful and insulting to women and girls.
Theblatant misandry is bad enough, but the messages it teaches girls areeven worse, the chief one being the normalization of Kylo Ren,the mass-murderer and fratricide “bad boy,” as someone who’s“good, deep down,” If Only The Right Woman Could Cure Him. Thisis a misguided fantasy that dates back to Wuthering Heights, and wasrecently resurrected by Twilight, the fantasy of “saving” a manwho’s violent, misogynistic and cruel. Fantasies aren’t realistic bydefinition, and they all feature in fiction because they’ve an appealto a certain audience - what makes them good or bad is the damagethey do to readers in real life who don’t discern the differencebetween fiction and reality until their misunderstanding leads theminto serious harm. The classic “beauty and the beast” theme of“taming” a “bad boy” stands chief among the offenders inthis category - but don’t ask me, just sample what countless others have written on the topic. Rey going from angry, grief-stricken accusations ofKylo the Fratricide to longing for his lightsaber after three briefskype calls, a look at his Rock Hard Abs and touching his hand once?It’s textbook Beauty And The Beast bullshit, and apoorly-written example, at that.
Thisis in addition to Rian’s explicit view that - as elucidated byHoldo’s own actress - a venomous, sneering bully is what aStrong Female Leader looks like; reinforcedby how the plot bends over backwards to portray Holdo as a hero. Inretrospect, the liberties taken to put Leia into a coma for most ofthe movie was probably done because Carrie Fisher just couldn’t actthe role of a bullying bitch, and that’s the character Rian Johnsonwanted to showcase as a feminist icon. Again, quoting Holdo’sactress, “[Rian is] saying something that’s been atrue challenge in feminism. Are we going to lead and be who we are aswomen in our femininity? Or are we going to dress up in a boy’sclothes to do the boy’s job?” The message here isn’t that girlscan be hot-shot fighter pilots or gunslinging heroes too - it’s thatmales are toxic, testosterone-driven fools and Real Women are “womenin their femininity.” Not “youcan be anything you want to be” but “feminimity is good andmasculinity is smelly dumb mansplaining scum.” Thisis fucked in the head, andI challenge anyone- especiallythose who recommended I watch this movie - to deny the charge Ijust leveled.
Andfinally, there’s the actions of Rian Johnson himself, the misandristfuckhead who wrote this pile of shit. He was building off the workand script of JJ Abrams, including all the character development that went into it - and now we can see what he decided to do with it.Rian didn’t just fail to make a movie - he actively threw away anopportunity to write a script with realprogressivesensibilities, substituted cheap “subversions” instead, and thenjerked off on Twitter about how fucking woke and progressive he is toget all the fawning accolades anyways.
RIAN JOHNSONPISSED AWAY THE MUCH BETTER STORY SET UP BY JJ ABRAMS IN THE FORCEAWAKENS, AND STILL HAS THE FUCKING GALL TO ACT LIKE HE DIDN’T
I’vebeen told - in various articles and in person - that TLJ achievesbrilliant subversion of expectations and fights against tired oldtropes that reinforce social status norms by bucking the Chosen Onewith Significant Bloodlines thing, most notably with Rey’s parentagerevealed to be of no consequence and Kylo’s focus on “killing thepast” and rejecting moral binaries to forge his own path.
So,on that note, let’s talk about Finn.
Finnwas a brilliant character in concept, the kind I often try to write -a common man, a faceless member of the rank-and-file who finds thecourage to step out of line, think for himself, and eventuallybecomes a hero in his own right. The opening of TFA, with the bloodyhandprint on Finn’s helmet serving to identify him and give a “faceto the faceless,” was a brilliant bit of visual storytelling, andFinn himself has a difficult and dangerous journey as a character.He’s limited in his abilities - he can’t pilot a ship, for instance -and for the longest time his only desire is to run as far away fromthe First Order as he possibly can, to live his own life in peace. Bythe end of TFA, he’s grievously wounded fighting an opponent he knowsdamn well outmatches him, all to defend the life of his new - andonly - friend, Rey. Goinginto TLJ, Finn is poised both as Rey’s most probable love interestand as a walkingrefutation of the Chosen Heroes trope; having gone from randomfaceless goon to the man who was responsible for destroying the DeathST- I mean Starkiller Base. Heknew the way into and out ofsaid base because he used to be on the sanitation detail, aquirk that makes perfect sense andemphasizes how the “little people” in inglamorousjobs often know cruciallittle details like that (like the back door the smokers use.)
Andwhat did Rian Johnson do with this setup?
Finnwakes up and is immediately used for comic relief, smacking his headon the medical scanner, then staggering around in a bacta suitleaking fluid everywhere. Thenhe tries to hare off after Rey, only to get tazed for trying to steala vehicle. Then he’squickly shuffled off to the side with Rose while Rey is suddenly, andwith very poor setup and justification, set up with Kylo and hisneon-white abs as her love interest.
Is now a goodtime to remind you that Finn is black? Yes,the black man gets 1. played for comic relief, 2. don’t tazeme bro, 3. shuffled offscreen while Rey is set up with a white boy toavoid any possibility of an interracial romance. Andall that’s in additiontoFinn’s noble sacrifice being portrayed as bad and wrong, while MightyWhitey Kami-Kaze Holdo is made out as a huge hero for the exactsame act.
Comparewhat Rian Johnson did with what he couldhave done, and thentry to tell me thismovie had any redeemingthemes, arcs, or execution. I fucking dareyou.
AVALON HAS FUCKINGFALLEN
TheLast Jedi is a towering monument to the rot at the heart of ourartistic society. The Force Awakens was a shameless regurgitationdesigned by a soulless corporation to bilk our nostalgic childhoodmemories for every penny we were worth, but at least it had acompetent writer/director at the helm that had some pride in hiswork. By contrast, The Last Jedi had that same greedy, scum-suckingcorporate machine at the helm and a writer-director thatepitomizes the creature that now infests Hollywood: an arrogant, self-congratulatory prick concerned onlywith vigorously stroking off his fellow wealthy cultural elites, sothey may take smug satisfaction in their moral superiority over theproles. Therecent spate ofself-described “male feminists” who’vebeen revealed to use their professed politics as cover to prey onwomen illustrate the forces at work here - if one utters theApproved Doctrine, everything else can be overlooked and forgiven.Portray Women as Good, Men as Bad and with a few cheap shots atCapitalism in the middle, and you can get away with not writing aplot at all, lazy and poorly-storyboarded CGI scenes that pushmerchandise, and even reducing a black man to comedic relief. This iswhat our corporate-run entertainment industry now rewards - to thetune of tens of millions of dollars - and what countlessleft-wing culture-war publications vigorously and viciously defendwith endless column inches of simpering praise and even asinineconspiracy theories about the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy “gaming”Rotten Tomatoes user review scores to cover up how much audienceshated this fucking trash.
Asa writer, I happen to believe that Art means something. It matters.It nourishes the soul and teaches us lessons about why to liveour lives, not just how. Mankind has been telling stories forthousands of years before anyone figured out how to write them down,much less make a profit off them. As a species we are wired to thinknarratively, which is why stories have power - never a righteouskingdom nor a vile dictatorship has existed that didn’t invest greateffort in fashioning myths and legends to justify and strengthen itslegitimacy with the people. Stories can help, and they can even harm.
Storiesare serious fucking business. And Rian Johnson’s betrayal anddesecration of his art and craft is emblematic of what the very, verybig, wealthy and powerful entertainment business thinks isacceptable. The business of multimillionare serial rapists that arealso major political donors, the business of complicit yes-men actorsthat routinely use their fame, wealth, and cultural influence to tipthe scales of our national political debate - that business.
Ifyou’re like me; if you dream of telling stories that matter,stories that change peoples lives and give them hope as other’sstories have done for you - prepare for dark times ahead. It’s clearnow that Avalon has fallen; that the existing establishment is toothoroughly corrupted to serve society any useful purpose. We’ll haveto use the internet, vanity presses and small websites - as long asAmazon, Google, and the other West-coast headquartered monopoliesallow us them, that is - and do the best we can. Whatever Hollywoodin particular and the entertainment industry in general is puttingout anymore, it sure as hell isn’t art, in any sense ofthe word you might imagine. The real artists will have to starve,scrape, beg, and struggle - but what they make will be worthwatching, instead of an affront to common sense and common decency.Call them Rebels, or perhaps the Resistance - just don’t callthem surprising, because I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO.
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So I found a Google survey from like 5th grade and some of the responses were fucking LIT
Not gonna filter out the bad ones but here are all of them
1. Give me a reason you are awesome.
*Looks in a mirror*
Because my name is ZTG and it is awesome.
because
REASONS
I'm sofia. Of course I'm awesome.
I woke up like this
im batman
Because I am
thank you, I am farkle
CUZ IM ME
Just cuz
I'm not...
I understand Vine references
2. Give me a reason you are evil.
My brother would say: cause you are breathing
My name is ZTG and i am an evil sorceress.
because
REASONS
People insult me, so I hurt them.
it's a secret
im evil
Because I killed a snail
I bit someone once...
I dismember tiny animals in my head until every last one in my brain land is in the underworld
Cuz I am
MUAHHAHHAHUAUHAHHAHAH
I hate dogs
3. Give me a reason you are annoying. (Don't deny it. Everyone is.)
cause nobody likes me
I talk a lot.
because
REASONS
I like to annoy people.
it depends on who you are, it's probably different for everyone. probably my voice.
i am a boy
Because I terrorize david and ben and alec and nick and matthew and taddeus and charles and every other boy in the class
thank you, i am farkle
Because of this: foijasdflkasnfclkszfdjaqiorwywaiuerhansijlfksdfghawufjnaks,dn.
I am
My brother is annoying. It's my duty to pay him back.
I am Sam
I exist
4. Give me a reason you are human.
How do you know I am?
I was created by humans, so therefore I am one.
because
REASONS
Cuz my mom and dad are humans. Not aliens.
DOES ANYONE THINK THAT?!?!?!?!?!?
I have EXTREMELY strong opinions about people.
i am a boy
Im not human--Im a time lord!
farkle is not human
I have human DNA
Cuz
Wait...I'm...I'm a...a HUMAN??!?!?!?!
Am I?
5. Give me a reason you ate your hamster.
I dont have no hamsta
Because it tasted like chicken.
because
REASONS
I don't have hamsters.
he tried to eat me
i didn't
Becuase i'm a cat
farkle needed food
Cuz i wanted food
It looked tasty
HUNGER
6. Give me a reason you didn't.
Cause I liked timmy
Because it is adorable.
because
REASONS
I dont have hamsters
I didn't feel like it.
no really, i didn't
Because Crookshanks ate it instead
why would farkle?
Cuz I wasn't hungry
It looked gross
Not
FULL
7. Give me a reason you did.
WUT
Because it is horrific
because
REASONS
Cuz
I didn’t I don’t have hamsters
I DIDN’T
because i’m a cat
why wouldn’t farkle?
????
I thought, why not,
Give me a reason you did.
????
8. Give me a reason you can fly.
Because I can manipulate gravity
Because i am magical.
because
REASONS
Im superman
there are too many
swing set
Because There's airplanes
farkle is not human
I think I'l try defying gravity
I can
I BELIEVE I CAN FLT
bitch i can't
9. Give me a reason you can fall.
I dont do all that fallin biz
WILL FALL
because
REASONS
I have anti gravity shoes
because I can fly.
swing set
Becuase the airplanes dont work
thank you, I am farkle
Because no matter how long they hold on, even the strongest leaves on the autumn trees have fallen by the middle of winter.
cuz
I am not Will
into THESE ARMS BECAUSE I LOVE HUGS
10. Give me a reason this quiz is awesome.
because reasons
because
REASONS
It isnt
it's actually pretty interesting
That is impossible
It isn't
FARKLE
Because it distracted me from stuff
nope
I got to say my brother is annoying....
clickbait.
memes?
11. Give me a reason this quiz is terrible.
Option 1
SO MANY PERSONAL QUESTIONS, LIKE WHY I ATE MY HAMSTER. I CAN HAVE SOME PRIVACY, CAN'T I????
because
REASONS
you think i had and ate a hamster
I don't know who made it
It just is.
Becuase Im a cat
"it is not!" farkle said
Because it distracted me from goofing off
yup
You made me think of my brother. You truly are terrible.
ok. I will give you a reason.
it shit, yo
What a wild fucking ride
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Episode 2: “In all seriousness, I think I’m just stupid.” - Mo
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Oop, so Madeline went bye bye without hitch. And Mitch lol sort of popped off a bit which turned out rub some people the wrong way.
Well as long as it doesn’t endanger me, it’s ok. Except for the fact that Michael brought up my name to Julia as a potential target just because we haven’t had good talks.
Honestly tho, talking to Michael is hard because he’s like a robot or whatever. He really is a big blue robot or whatever.
Right now, I think I’m in a good spot to not be that worried on Michael. I’ve got an alliance with Jason and Julia. Though we haven’t solidified a duo or whatever, Jared and I are working together as well probably. I’m getting closer with Ali and Benji and I have had talks of watching each other’s back.
So far the potential targets if we lose are Mitch and Noah. I have talks with Mitch and I think he’s sort of a lose cannon but right now he trusts me I think so yeah. People are leaning towards Noah because he talks the least with people.
But I do hope we win immunity, UgH!! I blame Drew for not putting me on a dominating tribe grrrr where’s the monte Rosa winning streak power when you need it.
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AHHHHHH BEEEP BOOOP BEEEP BOOP. This twist sucks. There is a power dynamic that is going on. Julia, Ben , Ali , and I are in an alliance. Seperataly though. I don't think they are aware of how much strategy I talk with Julia (which is how we want it). It seems Ian Jason are the biggest threats since they are liked and have numbers. BUT I CANT TAKE THEM OUT BECAUSE OF THE TWIST AHDHEUEJIDKD. So it seems Mitch is the target but I can't let Ian and Jason stay too long otherwise I am fucked. It's only a matter of time before they realize what I'm doing and I become a target (maybe even next tribal). BEEEEP BOOP BEEP BOOP
So last tribal went super smooth. Madeleine bye girl, but you were a ticking time bomb and you needed to go. And you also threw MY precious name out to Jared. In my first confessional I said I didn't want you here, and I got what I wanted. Now we are on this round. A puzzle challenge for immunity? Seriously? This has me FUCKED up boo. But I don't know weather to worry or not about tribal council. Last round, after I stirred the pot a bunch for the Madeleine vote she had an elaborate plan to get Mitch out that I myself pressured her into doing. I let Mitch know about her plan and at tribal shit got interesting. He blew the fuck up on the girl. And this was beautiful. It put a target on his back. So I might just be in the clear. His name will definitely be brought up just for that. This tribe doesn't like crazy explosive people (lol me in crossroads). But I also have gotten so far on this idol board, I might have the chance to snatch that bitch up. Lets pray everything goes well for me!!!
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I realize in hindsight that im coming off as really mean in my confessional, but it was just like,,, in the moment? Yk???
A more concise version - usually when people like JJ fly high and take control early on, people get mad and they crash and burn really quick. So as much as it might break my heart, I might have to let that happen.
Forgot to mention thoughts on relationship statuses atm:
Jules says she trusts me
Alex says he trusts me
Mo says he trusts me
JJ says he trusts me
Tom is iffy but I feel like we have a stronger relationship? Especially if he’s closer with JJ (which I personally believe he is) he’ll feed him info that’ll go back to me
I have a good relationship with evan for the most part ? We talk on and off but we’re both just busy lol
Caeleb my grandson/angel and I have a great relationship - we talk about Pokémon a lot
Willow and I are iffy but like a fun iffy
And David is the most innactive, but we bond over not talking on calls sometimes
So first things first thank GOD we won immunity I was not getting good vibes from people so I think I would been gone. Anyhoot, I definetly feel like there is an alliance already formed between Tom and JJ for sure and then possibly Jones Jules and lets throw in Alex, Those 5 seemed to be so comfortable and non scrambly this past tribal that im SUS. Going into this challenge wowie a math puzzle, not good for me and it showed! I definitely think we are losing now so I really have to push the vote for like Evan maybe because a bitch wants to stay and he's probably more inactive than I. Listen guys I really want to be on more but as Rihanna said I just gotta Work Work Work Work Work Work so that's that on that. I just hope they let this bitch stay!
Okay so let's get INTO this:
I know that my biggest weakness is the fact that I don't do a great job at times of talking to people. Ever since Day 1 though I've been making a solid effort to speak to every single person on my tribe two or three times every day.
So let's start with the first reward challenge. I tried really hard because I wanted to make a good first impression challenge wise. I feel like if you put in a solid performance in the first challenge, your tribe will be more understanding if you struggle in a future challenge.
As soon as I saw the flag part of the first immunity challenge, I knew that we were going to probably lose it no matter what, and there was strategy behind me wanting to take it on. Everyone on my tribe was already hyping up the fact that the other tribe had that part in the bag, so I knew that if I put in a solid effort and lost, it would be seen as "He stepped up for us and tried hard even though he had no shot" rather than "he fucked it up for us". I had to step on Madeleine's toes and kind of be rude to make sure that I got to do the flag, but that didn't really concern me since nobody seemed to like her anyway?
Now when it came to the first vote of the season, pretty much the whole damn tribe told me they wanted to do Madeleine. I think the fact that she really didn't talk to anyone until she NEEDED to is what played a major part in her elimination. Honestly, I didn't really like her at all LMAO, so I didn't mind seeing her go home.
The fact that Madeleine was already basically screwed and confirmed to go home was great bc it gave me the opportunity to take advantage of that situation for myself and build up my trust/credibility with other people. Madeleine came to me just a couple of hours before the voting deadline with her plan to get a group of people to vote against Mitch and send him home. I basically just was like "yasss I agree that's a great plan sis omg you're MIND". I asked for a list of who her 'numbers' were before agreeing to vote with her, and of course with her being desperate, she had no choice but to comply. Sis sent me a whole ass list of her alleged allies, and I was gagged becuase literally all of them had been shit talking her and saying that they were voting her out ALL DAY.
I took that information to Mitch and let him know about her plan, which gained me some brownie points and trust building with him. And then I went to the people she listed and was sort of like "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that she's going around telling people who she thinks you're voting for". Overall, I think that Madeleine's messiness really benefited me and my connections with the tribe.
Following Madi's elimination, if I had to rank my tribemates in terms of who I trust most to least, it would work out like this:
1) Julia
2) Ali
3) Mitch
4) Jason
5) Ben
6) Jared
7) Ian
8) Michael
Julia, Ali, Mitch & Jason interact with me the most. They always respond when I message them to start a conversation, and they aren't shy about hitting me up and initiating conversations. Ben, Jared & Ian won't really initiate conversations with me, but if I message them first they'll always message me back pretty quickly and engage with me. With Madeleine gone, Michel is now the most difficult for me to socialize with. Our conversations tend to die quickly if I don't put in maximum effort, which is kind of annoying, but I'll keep trying because I relaly don't want to end up like Madi and have everyone vote me out because I didn't try with them.
I'm kind of nervous at the moment with this vote just bc nobody is really giving me names yet? I'm hoping that the reason why is that they are waiting for tomorrow morning and just don't want to throw out names too early. I feel a bit like Sandra in the sense that as long as it's not me, I don't care. I'm not sacrificing my game for ANY of these people. That's what I love about these TS orgs; these people aren't my friends and I don't feel bad at all about sending any of them home LOL.
I'm really hoping to form a more formal alliance soon, but I want to be VERY cautious. I'd rather keep it small with just a few people that I trust not to go throwing me under the bus and leaking shit. An ideal situation would be me, Julia, Ali & Mitch as a strong foursome, but I need to talk to them separately as individuals first and try to figure out if any of them are already in group chats/alliances before I try to pull them into a commitment. The last thing I want is to try to form an alliance with people that are already set in other groups.
Anyway, I'm just going to try to continue being super social and hope that it plays out in my favor. BTW this twist is evil and I despite it, but I'm just going to have to work with it and adapt.
tom was really drunk and messaged me all these nice things so i really want to make him my ally now even though he's messy!!!
Well, today we probably lost the competition. Considering I was 4x faster than my maze partner. Willow doesn't know how to do math. David probably hasn't done his competition.
But in the same light, Evan and I did really well in our competitions. So, who knows? I might actually like to lose a competition. It would be interesting to see if people's heads are actually where they say they are.
I’m so upset, I always get fucking challenges in games that I CAN’T do I don’t know how to do it. Then we talk about our scores and Evan was like oh I did it in a minute but I could of done it quicker if I had a mouse and I’m just like I SCORED 16 MINUTES AND IM FINE BECAUSE I DIDN'T SCORE OVER TWENTY MINUTES.
In all seriousness I think I’m just stupid. Like when I was doing the challenge I was confident. I always go in with a “I’m gonna do great!” attitude and then I hear about how well the others did and it’s like getting hit by a car.
I'd also like to give an update on how I feel about everybody in this game.
Alex seems like he's the person I'd like to work with most, but he also seems the most hesitant to commit to any kind of long term alliance.
Jules & Jones are really difficult to tell apart, but they're both lovely people. They seem to be super open to working together, and they both compliment me out the butt hole.
Tom is really sweet. He seems to be very easily woo'd by attention and compliments, which shouldn't be too difficult. He's like. Super cute and very fun to talk to.
Mo is cool, we share a lot of the same sense of humor, lots of the same references. Its also super comforting that he's also on the same timezone as I am.
Evan seems really cool. I feel awful about never responding to his messages on time, which could really hurt my game.
Caeleb is so fuckin cute. Like he's just a wholesome lil bean, I don't know how he's going to survive in such a cutthroat game like survivor. Maybe that's his strategy, have everyone underestimate him. Maybe he's scary and spooky.
^
Y'all really got me out here talking like a tumblrina..
Anyways, onto Willow. We seem to have the same conversation everyday and it never really goes anywhere. Awkwardddd.
For David, whenever he does go on call, he never talks, and it just becomes this awkward silence, he really brings down tribe morale.
https://youtu.be/71NJ9oc-WrI <- Video didn’t embed
Video afterthoughts:
According to Alex JJ seems more interested in the idea of a swap happening and is now turning onto the idea of voting David? I’m gonna actually talk to jules about how they feels tho bc they said they trust me and I wanna like,, show the trust in return? I want them to feel good w me as much as I feel good w them
It seems like me and Julia created the vote once again, and AGAIN it is not traced back to us. Michael is under the impression he created the vote (lol) which is good for us, no blood on our hands. The reasoning behind planting Mitch and Michael as targets into people's head was to see how they scrambled so we could flush every alliance. We now know Mitch and Michael are working together. If all goes well it should be unanimous (if we even had to go to tribal).
We didn't go to tribal the first time around so David got to stick around. I have an odd feeling that we didn't win immunity so tonight will be the actual chance to do so. I really do think it'll be him because he's so inactive and I think its best to keep our tribe active and playing rather than scrambling and weak. Plus I have talked to many people about it so it would be a pretty big blindside if it was someone else and I would be left aghast!
JJ is clearly an influencer in the tribe, and I think he likes me and wants to keep me around and I am perfectly fine being a number in his game. At least for the time being, because at this point that's a strong strategy for me. I think I am making real genuine connections that I can profit from, both strategically but also personally because we have some fun people here :).
okay so this is the end, hold your breath and count to ten. i'm going home. i can just sense it, its my time and i can feel it hap-hap-happenin'. the vote is theoretically noah, but everyone is going quiet so i think its me. my takeaways are that i was too wishywashy, and left myself vulnerable due to my poor social game.
in other news, if the vote is noah i will be SHOCKED. i think we will probs swap too, so we will see. I think it wont matter this is the end, I'm going byebye very very soon rippy rip!
https://youtu.be/KdBeFE1iYWg <- Video Confessional from Day 6
https://youtu.be/ZQZ1ktG2lU0 <- Tribal Council #2 Vote
(Both did not embed)
Day Numero 6; Honestly nothing is popping off in this game for me! So hard to type a confessional because i could be highly naive about my position in this game and i could be getting votes tonight but i have not heard any names except for david once again.
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My thoughts on the 100 7x05
right off the bat Octavia reminds us that she is a Bad Bitch (as if we could’ve forgotten)
when the crazy fanatic said that they'd keep dying until russell was freed i was so concerned because my immediate response was "cool let them die and problem solved” which is maybe Not the best route to go (even if murphy felt the same way)
i love emori and murphy so much, like i’ve always liked them and all but i feel like i only Really started liking emori last season and this season i just Love Her
watching octavia getting questioned/tortured fucking Hurted
like when “redemption” echoed???? i Cried
i just love octavia and am so glad she got those 10 years of being a happy family, and i genuinely got emotional watching her and bellamy at the end
this levitt dude really be the #1 Octavia Stan and im HERE FOR IT
i also loved him using “go float yourself” a real Icon
i just really loved him in general and i hope he doesn’t get killed i was really worried levitt was gonna get caught for helping them and i just want him to make it out alive and to the good side (the good side being our main characters even though, are they’re really any good guys???)
he also has strong gabriel energy in the fact that they both love octavia and i love them both and they’re both pretty nerdy
obviously i don’t Really want octavia to get in a relationship because girl needs to Heal and just be with her fam of Bell, Clarke, Hope, Madi, and Dioyza (also i hope Dioyza’s alive, we haven’t seen her at All and im kinda Concerned) But if they were gonna put Octavia in a relationship both Gabriel and levitt are just Waiting there, ready to love octavia Forever
i just really liked Levitt (also he looks like raphael from shadowhunters)
gabriel just sighing as hope and echo keeping killing people is a Mood
i’m So Intrigued as to why clarke is so special to these people like i know shes Amazing and a Goddess but a key??? what does that Mean??
also the actor who plays Andor also played damien dahrk of arrow he’s just Real Good at playing villains he just looks so punchable and i really commend that actor on that
okay indra was kinda pissing me off recently but i’m So Glad she figured out sheidheda is back becuase it was really Concerning me
the whole time thing of this season really Fucks with my head (not in a bad way tho), its just so strange to think that in the span of a week hope went back to sanctum, stabbed octavia, lived on skyring with gabriel and echo for 5 years, and came and got octavia Again, all in 7 Days in bardo time, very Strange
also from what we saw im gathering that when octavia returned to bardo she got all her memories back from skyring and stuff too, right? because she seemed to know levitt? so im hoping that when she and bellamy reunite again she’ll have all those memories because she really grew so much during that time and learned so much about herself and bellamy and i just want her to have those 10 years (also i obviously want her to be able to remember all the time with hope and stuff too because i love those two and really want to see them together more especially now that Hope’s an adult they’re just so cute)
i was genuinely just So Happy to see bellamy i Really missed him and wish he had been in the episode longer and hope he’s in more of the episode next week because God Damn i love him
okay so bellamy is definitely Not Dead becuase that would be So Dumb my guess is that he jumped into the bridge before the explosion but the explosion messed something up so he didn’t end up in sanctum, instead he’s on a different planet (maybe even that same icy planet clarke is now on👀👀👀👀 idk i can Hope)
also echo is a Mess like i get you were upset girl but you really gotta be Logical
its also interesting when looking at last episode she chose logic over emotion by killing the guys and betraying orlando because it was logical even though it hurt someone she had grown to care for but Now she but her anger and sadness of losing bellamy over the logical action of keeping the hostage
and i think some could use this to say “echo is just a shitty person so likes killing” but i don't think thats true at all
she’s been raised as a soldier since she was So Young, so naturally she is a very logical person, in fact most of what we’ve seen from her is logic, even the things we’ve seen her do that were “evil” or violent were very logical when looking at it from her view
but as we know echo is Not Good at being her own person, she literally almost killed herself at the end of season 4 because she felt that was what she needed to do as penance for her failing the ice nation and then in space she latched onto space kru, to have a sense of loyalty again, and i think she Specifically latched onto Bellamy because 1) they did know each other before but mostly 2) he was the one who stopped her from killing herself, so i think in that moment of losing herself entirely, she found bellamy as a person to store her faith and loyalty into
and this all leads to that last scene with echo killing that dude, echo is obviously upset that bellamy is dead because she does love him (not in the way she thinks she does but ya know) but i think she’s more upset because of that same sense of failing bellamy
before when she almost killed herself she didn’t have anyone to blame for what happened but herself, she obviously couldn’t be mad at ice nation or even at skykru really, so she could only blame herself, but in the situation of losing bellamy, there is a clear subject of blame in echo’s eyes, so when she once again feels lost and hopeless, she chooses emotion over logic and takes it out on that guy that she uses as a point of blame
anyway y’all can still hate echo i’m not saying you can’t, but i just don’t think she’s a “bad” person (i mean compared with everyone else on the show, most of whom have committed war crimes so are technically bad people compared to a real person in our world)
so in conclusion: i love the blakes and the griffins and levitt and want to give them all hugs, also the sanctum plot is alright i guess, im way more into bardo rn (mostly because thats where the blakes are) but honeslt yay attention is also Wherever Clarke is (also where was madi??? we also didn’t see her last episode?? does she know where her mom is? i’m just generally concerned for her and miss her)
hopes for next week: more Clarke!!! more Bellamy!!! also octavia pls! and also i’d like to know who knocked gaia out and what they did to the stones because i just remembered that was a thing
#wow this was a Real Mess#ya girl just had a lot of Thoughts this week i guess#the 100#the 100 spoilers#clarke griffin#bellamy blake#octavia blake#john murphy#emori#indra#echo kom azgeda#hope diyoza#tw suicide
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