i dont want to take away from the cursed tumblrness of that post but sincerely its such a pet peeve when people are like "this person wrote [pretty normal fiction that i think is weird]" as some sort of callout. maybe yall should read more books if you think things like "mermaid cannibalism" is at all out there. i read that trope when i was 12 in peter and the starcatchers. calm down.

Yeah heat was living hell but im lucky here it was way chiller today(itrainedandigotsoaked)oh were not too much apart! Im in France, so rn its CEST(or so i saw) :') and aa Minho's my bias!! My biggest wreckers are Jisung and Seugmin, but tbh yeah theyre all wreckers :(( and i seriously got interested in skz around 2/3months ago only but they already own my whole life smh ive been trying to keep up w/ evrythg i missed but its kinda hard bc i dont have wifi rn so ill have to wait till i get home💕

Also i’m really sorry for the way i write in asks but i try to fit in everything i want to say in one ask so it’s a real mess since i tend to easily derive from the original topic :( and i frequently misinterpret the meaning/purpose of sentences so if i’m completely off the mark it’s normal and i apologize for that :(💕 

hi nonny!! today it rained here and i’m currently surrounded by thunderstorms i’m LIVING theyre so pretty i love the sky!!!

but fuck that’s so cool i haven’t met any french stays here! (edit i wonder if i misinterpreted this bc you said you’re not home so are you like there on vacation did i get this wrong if so i’m sorry) hello neighbor i’m like…not that far from the border over in germany ;) i’ve been to france twice so far and i loved it so damn much! i rly want to go back to (cliche warning) paris at some point! theoretically i can speak some french but i suck a lot at it even though i literally just did a refresh course last semester :/

AAAAAAA BIAS BUDDIES!!!! i feel you with jisung and minnie obviously since i had to give in and double ult minsung at some point in like…boy i don’t remember when exactly but it just happened i’m convinced they’re too jealous to let you bias one of them on their own and minnie like…….his voice…..tbh for me it’s like everyone wrecks me as soon as they sing or rap just chan does it a bit more often and changbin does it on a daily basis and i’ve been told to extend my bias line but…i’m hesitant i might as well bias EVERYONE i mean i guess that wouldn’t be so bad but yeah! that was a rant i’m sorry. i’m fairly new too!! i got into skz late feb/early march this year after having watched meme compilations for 2 months and made this blog mid march! i feel like i know Nothing but hey at least i watched their survival show (so many regrets). but i get that…promotions are like STRESSFUL you get so much content it’s difficult to stay on top of it and you’re just the viewer like wtf they’re so busy!! and here i am complaining abt writing a single paper fkjhsfjasf

anyway it’s rly ok!!! char limits on asks fucking suck feel free to send more if you want!! i don’t think you’re misinterpreting anything tho dw you’re good ♥♥

hey all, it's late and i can't focus on anything productive and i'm feeling pretty melancholy so i think i’m gonna rant about chiaki on the topic of ships because that's been a dash topic recently

i’ll put it under a cut for courtesy’s sake since this will likely be very disjointed and i’ll probably delve into other topics.. sorry abt that if you click to read it, it's just how my mind organizes things i guess? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

ok so

when i first started rping my idol chiaki i kept having this distinct feeling that she was aromantic?? and then i realized it's not... like she's not naturally that way. it's literally just engrained in her like. the absolute FEAR the TERROR she harbors for the thought of her whole career, everything she’s worked for coming tumbling down around her, losing all of her fans and love and support because she isn't allowed to date in her contract?? like she's repulsed by romance SOLELY because it could ruin her life and the idea of failure just fucking terrifies her, rattles her to the core 

without being an idol she’s nothing

like she doesn't know who she’d be without being an idol. it's her entire life and she’s so afraid, she thinks she’s just this empty shell full to the brim with songs and dance and cute smiles and autographs and if you take all of that away she’s nothing, she’s not worth anything to anyone anymore, 

she's just this girl with nothing to live for because being an idol was her life

but... but it's so lonely at the top you know??? everyone’s heard that cliche before. she loves making her fans smile and being kind and everything but chiaki is is DEEPLY LONELY because she doesn't believe she has TRUE friends. like EVERYONE at hope’s peak ADORES her and for what? for what? they don't know her. they know she’s pretty and she’s sweet but do they really CARE about her at all, or is it just all superficial, just a popularity contest

the irony there is, again, chiaki considers herself so shallow and empty and to her, there really ISNT anything more to love about her than just her prettiness and kindness. what else is there to her? so being superficial and vain and a typical celebrity should be normal. and- and that's why she is certain she will always be alone, always feel alone, because it's so hard for her to accept that people genuinely like her on a deeper level than just “oh she’s super nice!”

and obviously this extends past just platonic friends too. like i said chiaki is TERRIFIED of falling in love but not only because of her contract, because again she thinks she wouldn't be worth a boy’s time because she's thinks she’s shallow?? that and there’s this deeply rooted subconscious fear that any boy who says he “likes” her doesn't ACTUALLY because they don't KNOW her, they just think she's PRETTY, theyre just a FANBOY

idk if that would apply for girls too, obviously as the mun i would ship chiaki with female muses but given her culture and uprbringing and etc she’s never really stopped to consider girls as a romantic option. but honestly having a same sex relationship and being found out might be even WORSE for her career than dating a boy, fuck

she's so afraid of dating and love but she wants it just as most teenage girls do, not obsessively of course like she’s not hopeless but shen is a romantic, she’s quixotic, she wants to feel loved on a deeper level, she’s tired of the superficial love letters she receives every single day from boys who don't know her. she WANTS love but she’s so terrified of it that she bottles all of that up, she pushes it deep deep down like she does with every other one of her fears and she doesn't look at it doesn't touch it just pretends it's not there and keeps smiling! happy shining! she’s perfect and perfectly happy and nothing is wrong ever!!!!!!!

and again like a typical teenage japanese girl GOD is she afraid that once she's too old to be an idol anymore that no one’s gonna wanna marry her??? lol or for that matter want anything to do with her because AGAIN without being an idol hahaha she’s! nothing!!!!!!

just

guys 

chiaki is just REALLY broken and i want her to be good and fixed and blessed but she can't because she bottles everything up and refuses to ever talk about it. ever

UGH

ok i'm done thank you for reading my wall of text  that means very much to me that you looked at it all thank you