#therefore A conjures up a wonderfully idiotic slapstick-level assassination plan that nhs now has to stop | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

leatherbookmark · 2 years

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an idea that i think would be funny: a fic in which nhs wants to Do Something. he is genuinely very bad at it and is flying by the seat of his uhhhh underpants all the time. i repeat: no hidden genius powers. he is not very smart, and struggling all the time. however, because he’s also god’s favourite little comedian, somehow some things happen to have good results, some have bad results but people magically don’t notice, and in some cases his squirming actually helps someone. he is incredibly stressed and tired all the time and nmj is like “what the fuck, he’s not even doing anything” and, yes but he’s Trying (and failing, and it takes energy too)

#i'm talking like. nhs wants A and B (unrelated; some randoms) to get along but in the process he makes A think B is their enemy #therefore A conjures up a wonderfully idiotic slapstick-level assassination plan that nhs now has to stop #but in the process of THAT he somehow helps B voice their feelings for C #it's like. a pouch filled with deadly poison falls from the ceiling aimed precisely at B's head but they lean in to kiss C. danger avoided!#but wait! C seems surprised. do they... not...? B steps away about to apologize for their misunderstanding -- but they step on nhs's hand #and almost fall! only for C to catch them and confess THEIR feelings!#(nhs's hand was there because he wanted to snatch the poison pouch away and dispose of it)#stuff like this. i think it would be neat #idk if it needs to be said again but just in case: i am not calling nhs stupid with the intention of offending him. it is vitally important #for me to have idiot representation. his brain shows the highest immunity to academic/cultivation knowledge lqr has ever seen BUT he can #stay at his rooms and paint for SHICHEN UPON SHICHEN without even noticing the passage of time! isn't it cool!#(no. this is how you get a young master nie who SPRINTS out of his room to find a toilet (has been ignoring his bladder for hours)#but who swoons (because he also forgot about eating) and bangs his head on the wall and a disciple notices him like NIE GONGZI?!#YOU'RE HURT WE NEED TO TAKE YOU TO THE HEALERS' PAVILLION and he's like Oh God OH Fuck No i just wanted to PEE :(((#if he's actually super smart but only pretending then what's the fuckening point. where's the punch that comes with the realization that an #innocent boy who loves art poetry and leisure has turned into a ruthless adult driven by revenge who doesn't even care how many people die #on his path to it!!! if he's protective od nmj and hypercompetent then what's the poooooint!#he must be stupid and in an ideal world Stupid He Remains.#thanks for coming to my insanity. i'm about to have breakfast at 3pm. cheers #shrimp thoughts

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