it would be really nice if ppl harping on transmascs for talking abt anti-transmasculinity (or even, gasp, giving a name to it!) actually listened to the experiences of transmascs of color (particularly Black transmascs), disabled transmascs, fat transmascs, etc. etc. instead of centering the hypothetical thin, white, cis-passing able-bodied trans man they have in their head who they use as the benchmark for all transmasc experience. any of the beliefs about how transmascs aren’t targeted as much, aren’t hated by terfs, face less violence, aren’t treated as predators, are simply “invisible” by default (rather than being deliberately erased and buried), etc wouldn’t be happening if people just listened to transmascs saying over and over again that yes, we do experience these things, yes, these harms do happen to us. you wouldn’t believe we don’t face those things if you listened to us.

anti-transmasculinity is a whole and unique experience, multifaceted and intersectional, and it involves the continued and deliberate erasure of transmasc folks and our struggles and the violence we face, and the lumping in of violence against us as “violence against women.” anti-transmasculinity is not a counter or an “opposite” to transmisogyny; they are interconnected struggles — transfem & transmasc are not opposites! the existence of anti-transmasculinity does not mean that transmascs have it “worse” or “better” — honestly, judging oppression by such metrics is unproductive and unhelpful. we have more to gain from engaging with each other and understanding how our experiences mutually connect with one another.

genuine question: what’s the difference between masc, butch, and stud? also how do you determine if you’re a femme or just like. generally girly idk

The answer to the first question is, like many labels, that it depends on who you ask and why! Generally, though, if someone uses one word over the other they're probably doing so for a reason. Here's my answer, though your mileage may vary.

Butch–Term that has had many lifetimes over the history of lesbian culture. How specific it is to a role or not has changed over the years, and gone back and forth. Butch-femme lifestyles are part of this, and butch can be either a label, a gender, an all-inclusive sexual role, or none of those things depending on the butch you ask. Transmasc and transfem people can and have identified as butch, nonbinary people can be butch, but many butches identify as cis women or simply as lesbians. Not all butches are tops, and not all of them have an interest in butch-femme dating, but many are and many do.

Masc– From what I've seen, this is often used as a broader catch-all for dykes and people who aren't dyke-identified but are generally queer and tend towards dyke culture who are masculine. Different than transmasc, but sometimes catches people who are nonbinary, transmasc, masculine, etc who for some reason or another don't care to use "butch". I've seen it popular with younger generations, though not exclusively, and some butches identify as masc lesbians as well. I would say out of the three, this is the most general term and probably one that's tied the least to a history of sexual or social roles. It's also used in gay and trans culture in different ways, sometimes it can literally just mean "masculine."

Stud–This is used pretty exclusively by dykes/GNC women/transmasc people of color, particularly black folks in the US. I'm not an expert on stud culture, so the first thing to do is not take my word for it and read up. On a personal level my history of befriending and/or hooking up with studs felt very similar to befriending and/or hooking up with butches; many do the same kind of stuff butches do re: stud being a mix of a gender identity and a sexual role. But there's also other stuff at play and if you're a white/nonblack femme dating into that pool it's best to just roll with it and assume some of what you consider to be signifiers of masculinity/femininity in other lesbian contexts will differ. That's true of all like, intercultural/interracial relationships obviously LOL but for example I have absolutely been with studs who get their nails and lashes done and shit and did not question it at all, whereas I have also met (white) internet-y dykes who are like "I can be butch and still get my nails done!!" and I & everyone else take that to mean that they probably do not know what butch means. I also know black dykes who identify as butch but not as studs, though again there's often people who do both or neither etc etc. I also feel like there are some black lesbians who see stud as an insult or something that you wouldn't use as a casual descriptor unless they say it first. Basically this one is like...if you're a nonblack lesbian just have a normal one and respect the fact that black lesbian culture is indeed its own culture. Also if you want to enrich your instagram feed I suggest following Stud Model Project LOL.

Anyways the second question you asked is "how do you know if you're a femme or just girly" and that's a great question. Femme is also a label that has a ton of different meanings and your mileage may vary but for me, I see femme as a gender identity and part of my sexuality, am in a butch-femme relationship, etc. I am actually not particularly girly or feminine day to day, and use they/them pronouns, have had short hair, etc. To me femme is something different, it's almost an excessive femininity designed to entice and appeal to butches/mascs/studs/etc. Sometimes I also feel solidarity with gay men who identify as fem. But to other dykes femme really does mean that they're just quite girly and feminine, and while some people are very protective about the label, I've realized over the years that it doesn't matter as much, because I know when someone's using it in a way that makes sense to me VS their own unique way. I will say that I consider "femme" to be a lesbian label and I think sometimes feminine bisexual or even just generally "queer" cis women use it to just mean that they're like, a gender conforming cis woman, and that bothers me a bit. To me femme is not about gender conformity, even though it's often one of the side effects. But I know it doesn't bother some people, so who knows.

Anyways that's the best answer I can give, if people have other thoughts by all means I welcome them.