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beesmygod · 5 years

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this is what riverdale is about (part 6)

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

part 5

and now...we come to the end of our journey...the final 4 episodes of the season. who killed jason blossom? you forgot that’s what we were doing, huh. you were way too distracted by sex archie and the jughead/betty relationship (called ‘bughead’ in universe).

i have a friend who has been watching riverdale because i have basically tricked him into doing so and frankly, what i am typing here was and is only the surface of this show’s nonsense. as he watched episodes, he reminds me of all the completely bananas shit that this show throws at you literally every second it is on screen and honestly its a relief to know that, as much as i can try to just give you some basic facts, watching the show itself is still a totally different transcendent experience. its really the only show of its kind; shamelessly stupid but unaware of it while openly delighting in all the silliest cliches presented as straight faced as possible. if these write up do anything for you at all, please, please. watch the show. you will be shocked at how much more there is to discover.

images are from the riverdale wiki

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SEASON 1 (PART 4):

the lost weekend: this is the one with a very special guest star in it: molly ringwald as archie’s mom! she and fred (luke perry) have been separated for some amount of time for an unknown reason. yay she’s so cute! i love her. oh uh, also they’re getting a divorce. the papers are going through. archie gets the bad news in the middle of a gaming sesh with jughead.

meanwhile, veronica meets with her dad’s lawyer (whose name is paul sowerberry?? he never shows up again despite his unbelievably silly name) and tells him she’s not giving him a good statement as to her father’s character to help him get a lesser sentence. “fuck you dad!” is the general sentiment before she stomps out to go to school.

oh man there’s a weird aspect of this show that i have neglected to mention. this isn’t something i’ve ever experienced in school so it was totally foreign and weird to me but the students have their own lounge that they mingle and talk in...at...some point during the school day?? jughead’s opening monologue of this episode makes great pains to talk about how every moment of their lives are scheduled from 8am to 3pm but there’s apparently plenty of sittin’ time where they can just laze about this random room talking about crimes they have or are going to commit. a great deal of talking happens in this room when usually you’d have to like, sneak a convo while getting shit out of your locker between classes. i dunno, it’s weird. this is where archie tells veronica about clifford blossom sending her dad to jail so he can jack the land everyone is fighting over.

archie and betty make plans to celebrate jugheads birthday by taking him to the movies, which i feel like is in poor taste given his movie house was just destroyed but whatever. with betty coming along it’ll be just like the three muskateers! betty replies “AcTuAlLy ThErE wErE fOuR mUsKeTeErS” and somehow he doesn’t beat her to death with his bookbag right there and then. betty then doubles down on the bad words flowing out of her mouth and proposes they hold a surprise party for jughead since, according to his dad, he’s never had one. i have no idea what would compel her to think he would want this. even i know he doesn’t want this and i only know him through a tv screen. on top of this she goes out of her way to invite his deadbeat alcoholic dad multiple times. i thought she was supposed to be the smart, observant nancy drew type but like...what the fuck betty. jughead does, in fact, get pretty pissed at archie just for telling his girlfriend that he even has a birthday. presumably instead of telling him he emerged fully formed from the leader of the black parade’s forehead.

after finding out from some files that her dad was receiving money monthly from clifford blossom for some unspecified reason before the arrest, veronica challenges cheryl to a dance off and wins. unfortunately, veronica cant come forward with what she knows because it would make it look like her dad put a hit out on jason in retaliation. dance off to relieve the pain.

jughead fucking hates his party and makes sure everyone knows it. this is something NORMAL people do and he is NOT normal!!! he leaves the party in a huff when cheryl shows up to get her dance off revenge by ruining the party by inviting the whole school. this is the episode where he does his famous “im a weirdo, i have a hat” speech, which is deliciously dumb. they get in a fight, while jughead’s dad talks to kevin’s boyfriend (who you will remember is a member of his gang he assigned to keep tabs on the progress of the teens looking into the whole land plot mess) while betty’s mom secretly listens in?!

cheryl activates chaos mode and locks everyone in the house so they can play a game called “secrets and sins” which is really just an excuse for her to ask everyone horrible questions to make them feel bad. veronica accuses cheryl of fucking her brother, dilton doiley tells everyone about grundy’s statutory rape of archie andrews and chuck tells everyone about dark mode betty drugging him for an impromptu bdsm session which causes jughead to go apeshit and try to throw a weak little baby punch. jughead’s dad, as the only adult who for some reason let all this happen, finally throws everyone out and tells them to go home.

archie and veronica sleep together, by which i mean, next to each other in the same room. veronica testifies on her father’s behalf and discloses to betty the link between jugheads dad and the serpents and her dad’s land plot dreams. molly ringwald appears for 20 seconds.

INHALES. OKAY.

to riverdale and back again: its homecoming babey! archie’s very supportive mother has a nice talk with him. :) veronica founds out that her dad only has to serve “a few more months” in prison for his various white collar crimes, further proof that riverdale takes place in america. jughead and his dad have a nice normal breakfast while fp sweats and asks him “hey uh, how come uh you’re writing about the uhhhh murder and investigating it and stuff” like a normal dad would. archie and veronica tentatively agree to start going out.

penelopy blossom brings polly (betty’s pregnant sister, remember her? i didn’t) a strawberry milkshake in the most ominous way possible. veronica plans to sneakily find out if jughead’s dad is helping her own and for what purpose, ultimately. jughead accepts and invite to betty’s house for dinner, not knowing her mom is going to grill the shit out of him and his dad over the whole kid murder thing.

polly finds the ring jason proposed to her with back in penelope’s room while snooping, and has no idea how it wound up back in the hands of his mother. according to penelope, jason threw it in their face when he renounced his lineage, then gives her another milkshake.

the cooper family event is disrupted when betty, wise to her mother’s horseshit, invites her estranged dad to dinner too. all hell breaks loose when the subject of homecoming comes up and fp reveals that while alice and hal were crowned homecoming king and queen, they got in a knockout, drag-out fight backstage. alice flips out before he can reveal what it was about and betty and jughead flee for the dance. meanwhile archie and veronica try, and fail, to find something incriminating in fp’s trailer.

cheryl discovers the milkshakes are DRUGGED and polly is going to sleep through homecoming. she informs her parents that she has disposed of the ring (evidence) and they dont have to worry about it anymore. you can see where this is going.

jughead’s dad drops a bomb on him right before homecoming that they’re going to move to toledo to meet up with jughead’s mom and baby sister. jughead hates this bc he just got used to betty and he wants to write his murder book.

archie and veronica sing a truly terrible cover of “kids in america” that has to be seen to be believed.

youtube

meanwhile, sherrif keller tears up fp’s house with a search warrant and finds the gun that was used to kill jason blossom. WHAAAA??? BUT ARCHIE AND VERONICA JUST SEARCHED IT??? how could this happen.....jughead finds out about the web of deception weaved by the friends and tells them all to fuck off so he can go to toledo with his family. jughead literally turns around and is informed that his dad was just arrested for murder. his life is so hilariously bad.

the sheriff sucks so bad at his job because he tells his gay son everything who then spills the beans to archie and co (sans jughead) who learn that fp is being framed, because they already tossed the place before.

cheryl has the ring. at this point none of these things mean anything.

i cant believe i still have two more of these. i’m going to have to split this post after this one.

anatomy of a murder: as it turns out, archie discovers, information you discover during a breaking and entering won’t hold up in court. oops. meanwhile fp inexplicably confesses to kidnapping jason after his fake drowning at sweetwater river so he could use him as ransom after discovering he heir to all that sweet maple syrup money. according to fp, jason nearly escaped so they cut their losses and blasted a hole in him. he also confesses to torching the car and stealing the sheriff's files (which we, the audience, know hal cooper did, not fp). well. that’s that, i guess.

betty’s dad comes back to the family home to destroy the murderboard evidence all like “whoo hoo! fp took a bullet for me!” hal’s concern and his reason for stealing the files in the first place, as it turns out, was because the feud between the coopers and the blossoms is more complicated than we thought. the coopers WERE blossoms, until grand-pappy was murdered, so they packed their shit and left with a new name. so that makes polly and jason related. cool!

fp apparently used his his last phone call to call kevin’s boyfriend who, after some pressing by the gang, admits that while he didnt see fp pull the trigger, he did help him put jason’s body in a freezer. this tip leads them to the corpse of a serpent who had a sack of money in a monogrammed dufflebag with the initials “h.l.” (hiram lodge). this is a comically dumb move for a crime boss to make. it is shockingly stupid.

joaquin tells kevin about a secret stash he and fp set up before he bounces from town forever because riverdale sucks. in the stash is jason’s jacket. everyone puzzles over what it means until betty, noted brain genius checks the pockets. in it they find a usb drive.

they sit down and watch the usb and react like they’re watching a sad documentary and not a snuff film. betty calls CHERYL OF ALL PEOPLE and tells her what they just saw on the usb. cheryl, queen of chaos, confronts her dad and tells him that everyone knows what he did.

it turns out the video depicts jason tied up in the basement of the whyte wyrm, there the dead serpent watches over him. clifford blossom walks in and blows a hole in his kid. fp confessed to protect jughead, who was threatened by cliff as the heat poured on.

clifford dies surrounded by his greatest love, maple syrup, by hanging himself in the syrup barn. lol

the sweet hereafter: how the fuck is there another episode of this? they solved the murder, what else could there possibly be to do. wtf. anyway.

the cops find hella drugs in the maple barn after clifford’s death. the assumed story is that jason learned about his dad’s heroin smuggling business and threatened to tell the cops on his dad which lead to his abduction, and eventual death. i guess the polly thing is in here too somehow. not important i guess. the lodges prepare for hiram’s arrival. betty and archie are going to be honored by the mayor for cracking the case at the 75th annual jubilee (wtf). hermoine attempts to buy fred out of the project now that the cops are cracking down on the serpents and making them the face of the construction company is now a very bad look.

betty tries to write an article for the town paper about fp being innocent but her parents wont publish it, citing it as a conflict of interest given she’s smooching the subject’s son. jughead FINALLY JUT NOW gets a social worker who realizes that fred has a dui and is not fit to care for a kid. he has to transfer to a new school district...SOUTHSIDE HIGH SCHOOL!!!

cheryl apologizes for throwing hands at jughead in a previous ep and gives him her iconic spider brooch. i am only bringing this up because she says, specifically, that selling it will net him a good amount of hamburgers and “s t-shirts” for years. why is she the only one who notices he only wears one kind of shirt. betty’s article getting published in the school paper leads to the above retaliation.

veronica’s mom honest to god asks her to sexually manipulate archie into convincing his dad to sell the project to her.

betty’s mom, after a confrontation, tells betty abt the fight she and her dad had on homecoming night when they were high schoolers. turns out...alice was pregnant. she gave the baby up for adoption after she went to the sisters of quiet mercy, like she did with polly, even though hal wanted an abortion. betty immediately tells all her friends this shit.

jughead transfers to the new high and flourishes. turns out they’re all baby gangsters there so they look at him and his dad as kings to be admired. when the archie group heads off to go rescue him, it turns out they dont need to do anything. but now that theyre all conveniently together, veronica gets a txt from cheryl saying she’s going to go be with jason....

they rush to the river where cheryl is having her ophelia meltdown in his stupid little river boat dress where she punches through the ice until she falls through. theres no way to describe how silly this scene is unless you see it so i won’t try but its so melodramatic and cheesy that youre going to be amazed that it got through the writing team at all. archie saves her by punching through the ice the other way. from under the ice. you will soon find, that all of archie’s solutions are to punch things.

betty does a speech at the jubilee that convinces fred not to sell. a nice ending for him.

meanwhile cheryl burns her fucking house down for a lark. just for the drama of it all.

the same night, jughead and betty start to fuck, as do veronica and archie. not int he same room, like totally separately. but jughead is interrupted by the serpents and a dog named hotdog, who give him a jacket of his own so he can join the team. betty is scandalized.

archie goes to meet his father for a breakfast at pop’s chocklit shoppe for a serious talk. but while he’s int he bathroom, a man with a gun is holding up the chocklit shoppe. he demands fred’s wallet, then pops a hole in him and runs off.

and that.........is where this season......ends.

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thank you for joining me for season 1 of this shitshow. i love this shitty show. if you loved reading about it, or were mortified by whatever the fuck happened here, then you should watch it as well.

i never pass up an opportunity to shill myself, so if you like what i write, drop me a buck or two at my patreon. i do more writing like this, but also i mostly make comics, so make sure to read the page when you’re signing up so you know what you’re getting!

i WILL return...with season...2!

https://www.patreon.com/aghoststory

#riverdale

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malloryslourd · 5 years

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Lovesick Idiot | 1/2

Request: hi! could you write like a love triangle situation with zoe, misty, and madison all like the reader but she had to end up choosing only one of them. anyone of your choice - Anonymous

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Pairing: Zoe Benson x Reader, Misty Day x Reader, Madison Montgomery x Reader

Warnings: Some Strong Language

Words: 1,588

A/N: made it a two parter bc i’m lazy hehehe, but school is like super stressful and i have so many unfinished drafts including day 197 part 3 and i need to write it

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To say tensions had been high in the academy was an understatement. Y/N had noticed that someone was always in a bad mood- not that that wasn’t totally uncommon it was just who was in a bad mood. She could walk in a room and there would be at least two witches mad at each other, most commonly being Zoe, Madison, or Misty.

She had went to some of the other girls for help, but they insisted they couldn’t tell her anything. So, she was kinda left in the dark compared to everyone else. If two, or all of them, were in a room as she entered they would immediately get quiet and just look at one another before all staring at Y/N. Nothing really seemed to add up but there wasn’t much Y/N could do about it.

Y/N also noticed that Zoe, Madison, and Misty were all being really nice to her. Almost so nice it seemed aggressive. She had also gotten a few gifts from the witches which made her just as confused as everything else. Especially when she received something from Madison. Of course she had asked the girls if maybe they just so happened to like her, but that idea was dumped when Coco cut her off and said it was a dumb idea. So really, she had about 0 idea what was happening and she really didn’t think she was going to get to the bottom of it.

Y/N had just finished with one of her classes when she came down stairs and entered the living room. As soon as everyone saw her, the faint arguing stopped and all that could be heard was the Fleetwood Mac record Misty had put on. "Hi... I guess," Y/N mumbled as she moved to sit next to Queenie on the couch.

"You look good today Y/N/N," Zoe smiled at the witch, sitting in the armchair next to the fireplace. She turned all her attention to Y/N, not paying attention to Misty or Madison anymore.

Y/N smiled at Zoe, shaking her head at the compliment. "She always looks good," Misty added. She leaned against the piano, gazing over at Zoe angrily. They stared at each other for a second before looking back at Y/N.

Y/N looked at Queenie, who only shrugged her shoulders as she avoided eye contact with the girl. The doorbell rang and Y/N immediately stood up, trying to avoid the awkwardness in the living room. "I’ll get that," she hurried to the front door, not looking back as she practically ran away from everyone else.

When she opened the door she was met with a flower delivery man, who obviously wasn’t to happy to be delivering flowers. "Y/N L/N?" he looked down at the clipboard in his hand. Y/N only nodded before he grabbed a flower arrangement off the ground and handed it to her, not saying anything else before he turned away.

Y/N kicked the door closed before walking to the kitchen, the girls following her. She placed the arrangement on the table, huffing at how heavy it was. It was definitely big... maybe too big to be honest. However, it was pretty.

Coco walked into the kitchen, talking to Mallory quietly. She stopped in her tracks as the flowers caught her eye. "That’s... a thing," Coco breathed, never looking away from the arrangement. "That’s for you?" she pointed at Y/N, getting a very slow nod. "From who?" she walked over to the table, Mallory following behind her.

Y/N shrugged as she looked for a card. "They’re cute, my favorites too. It’s a lot!" she laughed lightly as she picked up the card tucked inside of the flowers. "A flower can’t blossom without sunshine, and I can’t live without your love... a secret admirer," Y/N nodded as she put the card down. "That makes this so much easier, right?" she looked around the room, not noticing the smug look on Madison’s face.

"How did they know those were your favorite flowers though?" Mallory stood next to Y/N, grabbing a flower from the bouquet gently. "They’re your favorite colors too," she pointed out, smelling the flower before placing it back where it was before.

"Maybe they just really listen to what you have to say?" Madison suggested, leaning against the table. Misty and Zoe looked at the blonde quickly, arms crossed around their chest angrily. "They must really be the one if they pay that much attention."

Y/N sighed, pursing her lips at the thought. "Or they’re a total creep that knows way too much," Y/N joked, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. Misty laughed, covering her mouth to try and be quiet as Madison looked at her angrily. "Who knows?" Y/N took a seat at the table.

"What’s this?" everyone looked at Cordelia as she stood in the entrance of the doorway.

"Y/N has a secret admirer," Queenie put air quotes around secret as she gestured to Madison. Cordelia looked at the three girls and then to Y/N, an ‘Oh’ sound very softly leaving her lips as moved closer to the table.

"Secret admirers are so boring!" Coco interjected, waving off the present. She thought the flower gift thing was a total cliche and she honestly didn’t care much for it. "Like, what’s the point if you’re not going to confess! If you’re going to buy something expensive just say it was you!"

Misty nodded, a comedic smile on her face. "I agree Coco," she looked over at the blonde.

"Me too," Zoe looked at Madison mockingly.

"I mean it’s nice! Don’t get me wrong," Y/N took in the flowers in front of her, almost overwhelmed by them. "I would’ve just liked to known who it was from," she shrugged her shoulders lightly. Of course she had her suspension, but in her mind she was totally wrong based off of what the others told her.

"I’ve seen nicer," Misty mumbled as she flicked one of the petals off of the flower. She rested her chin in her hand as she watched Madison get even more aggravated. "Could’ve been better," she smirked.

Madison turned to Misty. "Okay Swamp Rat-"

"-Madison, Misty, Zoe," Cordelia looked at the three witches, them all looking at her quickly. She motioned to the hall, them all following her as she walked out of the kitchen.

Y/N waited until they were gone before grabbing Mallory. "Spill, right now Mallory. I swear to God you better tell me everything," she looked at the short girl. Mallory looked at Queenie and Coco, who were shaking their heads furiously. "Mallory," Y/N said sternly. She knew Mallory knew if the girls really did have a crush on her and she was tired of just assuming they did.

"They all like you," Mallory whispered. Queenie and Coco groaned loudly, heads thrown back in disappointment. "But I didn’t tell you that! I’m not supposed to say anything!" she looked at Y/N worryingly, thinking about all the things the girls would do to her if they knew she snitched.

"Goddammit! Why didn’t you guys tell me?" Y/N turned to look at the other two witches in her room. She has talked to them about this maybe 100 times and they both heavily denied it. Of course they were lying. It was eating away at her for weeks, practically months, and they were just letting her suffer. She was tired of watching her friends argue and hate each other more and more with every passing day.

"Don’t say anything about it! We have bets on this!" Coco pointed at the witch. Y/N only groaned and stomped her foot like a child. She didn’t say anything before she left the kitchen, leaving her friends there by themselves.

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Y/N had been thinking about Zoe, Madison, and Misty all day. How couldn’t she? Now that she knew she wasn’t just delusional and they had actually liked her she felt like an idiot. A lovesick idiot. Of course she had loved all the girls, but it might not have been romantically.

She laid on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. That’s all she had been doing, just thinking and staring. She thought back at everything. Zoe she knew the longest and before they were teachers Zoe had helped Y/N with most of her powers. Madison was a very close friend of hers, probably one of her closest surprisingly, and she helped Y/N explore the more adventurous side of herself which she was always thankful for. Misty was the sweetest person Y/N knew and she never failed to make her smile no matter just how shitty Y/N felt.

"I’ll just drop dead, that sounds easier," Y/N whispered, contemplating just running away. It seemed a lot easier on TV when someone had multiple people in love with them. Of course they end up with what everyone suspected, but if there were bets there probably wasn’t a leading person. If there was everyone would probably trying to set the two of them up.

At one point Coco had texted her ‘You could always start a polycule, don’t forget that.' That had made her laugh, relieving some of her stress, but it was definitely not an option for her.

She was stressed, quite obviously but she had an idea of who she really wanted. Maybe she would break a few hearts, but they could all still be friends. They had physically attacked each other a few times and were still friends, this couldn’t be that different. Right? Hopefully. Time would tell that was for certain.

#zoe benson #zoe benson x reader #zoe benson imagine #misty day #misty day x reader #misty day imagine #madison montgomery #madison montgomery x reader #madison montgomery imagine #ahs #ahs x reader #ahs imagine #ahs coven #ahs coven x reader #ahs coven imagine

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