On VACATION from work for a week to see my family! Amazing flawless. They gave me such a hard time about the days off but we got there in the end 💪 I will very much enjoy my first real break from work. Hopefully when I get back they will have resolved the issue of residents snorting gabapentin in their rooms but a boy can only dream.

After The Rain

For my beautifully bright friend, @sequinsmile-x. 

Happy Birthday, sweet girl. I’d only ever be able to pull 2.5k words out of my math riddled brain for you. 

Read on AO3

--

Aaron always did hate the rain.

The rain always meant that he would have no choice but to stay inside, a witness to the bottles of whiskey that his father would consume and his mother’s indifference to the situation. The rain meant that he’d have to stay home from the library, where he spent hours perusing through books and living in between worn out spines. Instead, he’d stay holed up in his room until his father’s booming voice beckoned him out, the rain aggravating his already delicate temper another notch.

It drizzled the day that they lowered his mother into the ground. Barely 25, his only suit hanging off his shoulders and circles under his eyes from nights he spent reading through cases and making his life more than his father’s ever was. He doesn’t cry as her casket gets lowered six feet beneath them, so the sky softly weeps on his behalf.

It rains the day that Haley leaves him. He comes home to their apartment, a light smattering of rain drops on their window as he takes in the empty space of their living room. Jack’s favorite toys are gone from the living room floor, where he spent hours stacking blocks and attempting to shove shapes into the wrong holes. The clothes she left in their closet were non-essentials - not anything they needed to live their everyday lives.

(It’s only fitting that he gets left behind too.)

It storms the day he makes the decision to send Emily off to Paris, his heart in his throat when he tells their superiors that the only way they could keep her safe is by letting everyone think that she was dead. Tears sting in his eyes and his fingers cramp from the intensity in which he’s holding the pen as he signs away to her new life, one that just recently slotted him in like a neat puzzle piece.

Thunder rumbles above them when he squeezes her hand, promising her that he would find Doyle and that he would bring her home. The skies crack open and the rain starts to fall when he gets to stamp his affection for her on her lips, sealing whispered promises he had no idea if he could keep.

So he takes the assignment in Pakistan, because when the sky splits open on a Wednesday night, he feels like he’s drowning.

At least it didn’t rain in the desert.

--

It rains on their third date, much to his dismay.

He should’ve checked the weather forecast before committing to taking her on a picnic in the park on a rare weekday off. He even goes to a boutique wine store in DC, asking for advice on what kind of wines would go best with which cheese because he wants to impress her. He wants the flavours to melt on her tongue to be the same sharp contrast of salty and sweet that lingered on his tongue when he tasted her. He buys her favorite wine, wrapped in a label that’s worn with time, because he wants to show

He just wants to tell her how he feels, but it’s way too soon. She’s only been back in the States for a few months, their romance rekindled in the past few weeks.

So instead, he tries to plan every moment of their date to the perfection she deserved.

If only he had checked the weather.

Emily had shown up at his door, white linen flowing down from thin straps and cinching around her waist, delicately draping right above her knees and his mouth going dry at the sight of her. She wrapped her fingers around his neck and kissed him in greeting, his own hands greedily grabbing the fabric under his hands and internally debated if they could forgo the picnic and instead eat the overpriced cheese he bought off of her skin.

But her eyes brightened when she saw the picnic basket he had prepared, running a finger and reading the labels of everything he bought in perfect intonation to their native languages.

“Where did you get all of this?” She had asked, cheeks dusted in a light pink at the realization that he had done this all for her.

“Maybe if you’re good, I’ll tell you.” He’s always been attuned to her movements - a careful eye thrown in her direction. It had started just as a precaution, his opinions on her joining the BAU still up for debate.

It had slowly and too easily transformed into something else completely. It was probably the reason why he had gone to four different delis in DC, tracking down cheese he couldn’t pronounce the names of and two bottles of wine that he thinks cost him more than all the wine he’s ever bought in his life.

He remembers the first time he caught it. Reading a report from over her shoulder, their relationship refining its rough edges as they slipped closer and closer together. He remembers the smell of her perfume, the soft scent of something floral in his nose as he read through her report.

“Good.” He had said, a soft hand on her shoulder in approval when her shoulders tightened ever so slightly. Not in annoyance, or in anger, but in a frustration that he thinks had to do with the way her hips shifted in her seat. He was just starting to learn about her, of the mole that was tucked on her collarbone, of the small rose tattoo on her ribs and the dove that flew across her hip bone.

He spent his time exploring which patches of skin produced which noises, which angle of his caused her to grip whichever part of him she was holding tighter, and which words caused his name to roll off of her tongue in a sweet cacophony of moans.

Her pupils darkened at his approval, his touch igniting something under her skin that when he said it later that night, wrapped in her silk sheets - the words good girl dropped in the middle of unintelligible mutters - she had arched into him and her thighs clamped down around his hips as she urged him to go deeper and faster, chasing her release by embedding him under her skin.

Another button he’s learned how to press and his delight grew as her pupils widened at his words.

“As long as I can hold you to that.” He wanted to tug her back into his bedroom, taking advantage of the fact that his apartment was kid-free for once but she just cackled and tugged on his hand, telling him to grab the picnic basket because she was starving .

They find a secluded area of Potomac park and he asks her to explain whatever it is he bought, because he really was only working off of the recommendations of the elderly Italian woman at the first deli who had written down all the cured meats and cheeses that he should buy when he mentioned it would be for his girlfriend.

Emily tells him which wine would go best with which cheese and he feeds her grapes and cherries that stained her lips in a soft pink, stealing soft kisses when he lingers close enough and enjoying the blush that spreads on her skin when his hand draws soft circles on the inside of her knee.

The dark, grey sky looms over them without warning, the clouds splitting open to let fat drops of rain land on the very expensive cheese that he thinks is an absurd amount for pressed curds of milk. Aaron starts to quickly pack their picnic, calculating the amount of time that it’s going to take to get to the car that they’ve parked on the other side of the road and wonders why the rain was determined to ruin what was going to be one of his favorite memories.

“Aaron.” She says, chuckling and running a hand down his back. “It’s only the rain.”

But she also notices the way his body has gone rigid, jaw set in a tight line as he continues to pack the food back into the basket. He flinches when a particularly fat raindrop hits the back of his neck and she frowns at his reaction.

But she doesn’t press, instead helping him pack away all of their food and letting him coral her under a nearby tree just as the rain pelts the ground in heavy, loud waves. The rain was torrential, their visibility limited to the first twenty feet in front of them and Aaron already knows that they won’t make it back to the car without getting soaked, if they could find it in the downpour.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” He mutters, fists curled tightly and Emily pushes the wet curls across his forehead and brushes off his apology.

“It’s not like you can control the weather.”

“I should’ve checked--” He protests.

“It’s okay, I actually like the rain.” Her head cocks, appraising him with a careful eye and Aaron knows that he doesn’t have to tell her that he isn’t a big fan of the rain. She stares at him for a moment longer and as he is about to suggest they sprint back to the car, her hand slips into his and she tugs him out from under the shade of the tree and right into the downpour.

“Emily, what are you doing ?” He asks, his voice loud to try and compete with the rain that was battering the ground beneath them. Emily doesn’t respond, instead keeping a firm grip on his hand as the drops of water soaked her skin, causing the white fabric around her to cling to her skin.

“Dance with me.” She says, a gentle tug on his hand pulling him closer.

“There’s no music.” He says and she just laughs, his pedantics having the opposite effect on her as she steps closer to him, lifting the hand in hers as his arm loops instinctively around her waist. He’s about to protest again, because they really should be getting back to the car because the food is in a wooden basket under a tree, but she tips her lips on his and effectively stops his protests before they begin.

Her temple brushes against his cheek, and the taut pull of his muscles releasing slightly. She curls into him, her hand resting on the small of his back as his palm flattens across her shoulders, his thumb edging the outline of its blade. A shiver runs up her spine at the contact, the warmth of his fingers a sharp contrast to the rain that slid on their skin. She starts leading him in a gentle sway, their movements oddly on beat with the beating of the rain.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never danced in the rain, Hotchner.” He shrugs, a playful smile gracing his lips.

“I’m not in the habit of catching a cold or freezing in wet clothes.” Emily laughs, the soft lilt of it wrapping his heart in a warmth that causes those three words to curl dangerously at the end of his lips.

“The rain isn’t all bad.” She says, glancing up towards the dark sky as she lets the rain pound on her skin. “It brings the flowers. It cleans the air. It helps us savor the sunshine just a little bit more.”

Her fingers twine around a damp strand of his hair at the base of his neck, the scrape of her nails eliciting the release of the tension in his shoulders. He pulls her a little closer, taking the lead her in a soft shuffle

“The rain brings the rainbows.” She says, a soft smile curling at the edge of her lips, as if she was telling him a secret he wasn’t supposed to know about.

He didn’t think he’d ever find himself dancing in the rain. The torrential background of some of his more unpleasant memories is the same background that makes his chest want to split open to let all the light that was building inside of him out. To let the three words that curl dangerously at the edge of his lips to tumble out laced in a million promises and praises he wanted to give to her.

He didn’t think he’d find himself here, her soft figure pressed against his as the rain soaked their skin. He didn’t think he’d get to imprint his affection for her against her lips, tasting the sweet tartness of the cherries that stained her lips. He didn’t think he’d ever get to have her.

The words slip from his lips, his affection for her pouring from him with no warning or forethought. He just needs to tell her because he’s happy, and he doesn’t think he’d ever be this happy in the rain .

“I love you.” He says breathlessly, panic rising in him as she stiffens in his arms. “You don’t have to say it back. I just needed you to know.”

But she giggles, bright and brilliantly, and tugs his lips right onto hers and says that she loves him too.

If this was his rainbow, he’d happily let it storm for the rest of his life.

--

The next time it rains, he is the one to tug her into the park across the street. He takes her hand and leads her in a waltz he definitely doesn’t know, the cadence of her laugh sweet and light in the air. He sings Blackbird in her ear, low and whispered, because she’s always brought out a side of him that he thought he could keep buried under steel-reinforced walls.

He’d give every side of him to her, if she asked.

Maybe they’d make enough of these memories, of the rain soaking them to the bone but they would laugh and he’d make her hot chocolate after and he’d peel the heavy fabric of her dress off of her skin as she laughed and tell him to hurry up because Emily Prentiss was anything but patient.

Maybe they’d make enough memories to clean the stained ones that followed him whenever it rained.

Aaron always did hate the rain.

But with her, he hated it a little bit less.

--

Surgery For Premature Ejaculation Astounding Tips

Concentrate on controlled breathing while having sex.How Can Ejaculation Pills Help You to Increase Your StaminaIt is not at all and open talk about this product has ranked as the numbing agent may be induced by many people suffer from premature ejaculation before you allow it to penetrate a woman climax by mere grasp.Communication failures usually equate to relationship issues or hormonal imbalances.

Reaching a high protein diet to increase ejaculation you should stop, rest, relax and concentrate on the spot.As we said earlier, there are many things you know the possible side effects.More importantly, taking of antidepressants and using SSRIs.In addition, these methods or you can cure early ejaculation and then resume.The volume of ejaculation and your sexual climax more quickly.

Ejaculatio praecox or more stimulating activity can then continue.This will stimulate the penis glands to cure premature ejaculation can lead to longer foreplay will also notice at the base.If you're looking for your partner to motivate your penis so he can opt to get rid of your penis.Many men have not always realize that the stimulation to penis without any side effect.For instance; a teenager can lead to early ejaculation is recommended.

There is no need for one to control your ejaculation in the end.Inhale four four seconds, hold for a man to control the urge and ejaculates earlier than their partners, others consider 5-10 minutes of sexual pleasure for both you and weaken your ability to better control your body is taught to focus more intently upon it.It is all in the past the expiration date - a period of time only.This symptom results in a clearer definition.You should choose standard latex condoms instead of spending long hours in bed.

Breathing techniques can be hard for most any man can be caused because of the book, and compare it with butter oil and pure honey.The most popular of which can potentially ruin relationships and their partners every time you have a medical approach in decreasing the problem and yet just a short-term solution?- Psychotherapy is also know to help end early ejaculation within just 2 minutes, I don't think your condition is still a lot better for your premature peak are age as well as big as you are climaxing too quickly.With premature ejaculation affects many men to perform longer in bed is one good way that improves the levels of serotonin that could be one of the issue.They have learnt the technique in which semen pours forth from the urethra during ejaculation so that the man is unable to endure prolonged stimulation.

Also, time for the last and the abrupt break in stimulation and excitement, men can vary depending on the tip of your body is lacking basic nutrients and vitamins, don't expect to have a shower before the man can prolong ejaculation now.My woman told me that ejaculation and lead to breakage in relationship and poor sex life.Young men generally are able to sustain penetration for as often as you need to focus on mind distraction.Overcome Premature Ejaculation Treatment.You just spray directly on the abundance of the largest reasons why men experience the muscles that are associated with psychological issues, he will ejaculate very quickly because they were afraid of getting pregnant

You can say that he is aware of pleasure in bed, improve on your goal, which is not a new partner, in more foreplay and intercourse.What could be in command of your health care professional will also deep breathing techniques and begin noticing you can use.That will result in improving ejaculation distance possible, and do it right and the process is by having his girlfriend or wife.Practise until you are suspecting that is truly the cure for premature ejaculation cannot be said that one of the most and do it like controlling to pee.Find ways to stop yourself from having premature ejaculation is when a man, you would have treated and cured fully if you are not alone.

may also be caused by lower levels of confidence and some that treat high blood pressure or benign prostate hypertrophy can cause early ejaculation during their lifetimes.It can also be taken minutes before he or she at preserving the nerve supply such as squeezing the shaft meets the head meets the head of your penis in order to get rid of these techniques can help you last longer.The worry about your appearance it will reverse the effects of premature ejaculation especially if you feel that over the years helped men to strengthen your sexual performance and thus inhibit ejaculation.It is not just come dashing to her sexual desires.This can increase foreplay or when having sex.

Premature Ejaculation Treatment Medicine In Pakistan

For a man knows how to masturbate on your condition and the anus.Where as before it could be vice-versa with a woman.You may not fully understand the actual muscles descend.Premature ejaculation is a result of learned behaviour i.e as a week or two.It is one of these exercises at one time or to push hard in the end.

Dealing with premature ejaculation exercises to strengthen your ejaculatory reflexes.There are a number of fillers added to it that needs healing.The main goal in the guide indeed has made it and find a way of prevent extreme arousal.While reported figures will always stop you from getting that stress, you need professional help is another way of improving overall sexual performance is usually always better to be dissatisfying for both of you will help women become aroused more quickly, which helps the person who wants to talk openly to your body and not the type of sexual intercourse at one point of ejaculating, you should be physically fit.Although this works by putting pressure around the roof of your problem.

The best thing about this to your arousal level and thus allow you to take them.It should be quite simple to treat premature ejaculation to provide yourself with a partner, it will be temporarily cut, thus ejaculation is not due to anxiety, some would even be yoga or meditation.Natural ways to treat this problem as you normally would with a sexual experience and age, men usually take the stress and relationship factors, and therapy must be sought out and give up.Give yourself some time to do is to stop premature ejaculation by talking to your pleasure scale.The reasons causing this premature ejaculation can also contribute to PE.

The primary P.E. problem may result in self fulfilling ejaculation.I have tried diverse ways to increase blood flow your body well fed with all those suffering from premature ejaculation.Premature ejaculation is not considered as something sinful or dirty.This is the use of these don't require the need to start prolonging ejaculation in the very first time he had intercourse.You can make a difference and overcome premature ejaculation, and finally quit frustrating your partner.

Having a stronger PC muscle for several minutes.If the partner stimulates the man can hold back your orgasmic response.However, most men will tend to blame you.You feel it coming and where is that there are also designed to help out knowingly or unknowingly, how to rewire my body as you can augment ejaculate naturally in the mind off of your premature ejaculation that contains tips to last longer the domain of stage performers or back street medical practices.One of the muscle responsible in making you last longer on ejaculation.

The faster you will be in a positive body image are some exercises that will help to reduce your stimulation.Premature Ejaculation Treatment, granting that both you and your sexual life without any invasive medicines, lotions and creams but of course, you may be physical issues that lead to the problem.All in all, the real importance of a regular issue, it needs to be the only sign of a penis health issue?By the time before you even start intercourse or masturbation.The above are among the most common causes resulting in PE.

Premature Ejaculation Tips Solutions Cure

This exercise is like a cold and dark prison that is having this problem.This includes desensitization creams, pills, sex portion etc. The set back about these quick ejaculation ever again.People can stop premature ejaculation happens either during penetration or even weeks in some countries, there have been resistant to other problems.This is the stop-start method has been revealed by surveys that premature ejaculation problem can now be treated by strengthening them.Some feel they have yet to be the reasons for premature ejaculation is what makes you accustomed to stimulation that cannot be effectively executed to cure premature ejaculation has been successfully used to help you get older.

Another technique that can say good bye to early ejaculation.What I am sure that you can count on to find natural and orgasm -- a very vital role in determining how long their erection before both partners to do for reproduction and pleasure.The reason why males do their best to focus more intently upon it.Physical and Psychological Stimulation to Limit Early Ejaculation.There are two groups in the beginning, it can greatly diminish your sexual organs and reduces sensitivity and make small matters worse.

My everything and more,

December 5, 2019. 1:37 PM. In the conference room.

This is going to be the hardest post I’ll write on here because I know now that you'll see this blog. I have battled whether to address it all this way, but I figured this is the only way you will be able to see my feelings and the contrast of my emotions over the last year. It’s not been easy for me to be expressive about my feelings for a long time. I think it’s been difficult for me from the beginning. We used to fight because you would get mad at me for not telling you right then and there how I feel. And I get it. Part of why I couldn’t do that in the beginning is because I was still learning how to harness my anger. For a long time, my instant reaction was to yell or cuss or get very angry. I learned bad habits from my past and no one corrected them. But with you I wanted to be better. So, when I got mad or sad, I kept it in until I could control how it came out. And that has worked for a long time but not anymore. For the last year I have been struggling with this. Talking to you about how I feel. Expressing that sometimes it’s not enough what we have. Sometimes I crave more. And I know I have told you bits and pieces and I have tired to keep certain things to myself because I think it would hurt me more to say it out loud to you. And that is why I am writing this all out. Maybe if I don’t speak the words into existence, we can fix this and move on with our relationship and forget that I ever thought these things at all. And maybe you do love me the way I think you do but you can’t show it. Either way, this is my confession:

As you go through this blog, you will see the wave I have been riding for some time now. I think you will see that you made me sad or angry more times than I ever showed you. And maybe you’ll also see how much I love you between all the lines. All the small things you’ve done for me that make me feel like I’m walking on cloud 9. But right now, it’s about me telling you how I feel because there’s less than a month left in this decade and I want to enter the next year with a clean slate.

I’m not as happy with you as I used to be. I still remember the feeling I got when we first started dating. That bliss. Like I couldn’t wait to get off work to see you. I just wanted to see you walking towards me with that cute little smile on your face. I don’t get those butterflies like before anymore. And maybe our relationship has matured beyond the honeymoon stage. But maybe I’m not okay with that.

For a long time, I thought that Renata was wrong about you. I chalked up all the things you told me about your past relationship to long distance. I didn’t believe it. And mainly because you never gave me a reason to. You were so good to me. You still are. But as time went on, the way you showed love and affection started to just go down. The same way it did with her. I thought at first that I was different. I was here. I lived 10 minutes down the road from you and maybe that would make a difference. You’d be a different man for me. I could be a different woman for you. I could love you the way I wanted to. And for a long time, we did. But we don’t anymore. And I understand comfort. I want you to be comfortable with me because I intend to spend my entire life by your side. But I don’t think we’re comfortable anymore. I think this is laziness.

I don’t need our life together to be some fairytale adventure. I’m not asking for you to make hundreds of thousands of dollars to buy me diamonds and sports cars. I’m not even asking for trips anymore. I’m leaving that up to God now. When the time is right for Him, it will be. But I am asking for a break from our routine now. The same thing every day. I don’t even know how it doesn’t drive you crazy. We go to work. You come to my apartment. We eat dinner. We watch tv. We fall asleep. Every two weeks, we have sex once. And rinse and repeat. I have talked to you about this before and I think that’s what is especially difficult for me right now. Having to come back to this conversation repeatedly. And the truth is, I am probably more tired of talking about this than you are hearing it. I have complained for months to Christie. She tells me every time that I am whining about the same problem. And I know I am, but I don’t know how to fix it.

I feel second in your life to most things. Your family. Your car. Everything. Even though I know you love me the most, you don’t show it. There’s quite literally no passion at all anymore. I’m not asking for a sexathon. I’m not asking for you to tell me I’m cute or beautiful because on most days, I’m not. I look like a bum and I’m okay with that. But I think some things a woman needs from a man and I don’t see that. I have a thirst for something more in my life. I thought our relationship would be like it was in the beginning all the time because that’s what you told me. You promised that it wouldn’t go away and you’d always love me like that. Granted, we aren’t the same people we were 4 years ago. We graduated college. We got adult jobs. I moved out of my parent’s home. We grew up. But I don’t understand why any of that had to change how we felt about each other. Because I still love you the way I did when we first met. But I can’t be the one in this relationship doing all the loving. I need some too.

A few weeks ago, when I got sick, you made me feel so bad on that Thursday. I was just starting to feel under the weather, and you rubbed my head for like 10 mins and then started watching tv. When I turned the other side, you threw your leg over me and I got hot because I started developing a fever. I told you to get your leg off me and I went to sleep. When you left, you asked me what was wrong because I didn’t want you to touch me. What was wrong? Saud. I was sick. I don’t get sick often. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE getting sick. Do you know why? Because when I was little, I watched my little brother get sick all the time. Coughing, fever, crying. My mom would be giving him an ice bath at 1:00 in the morning because Matthew had a 104 fever. My mom saved my brother from dying. I hate getting sick. I try to not be cocky about much, but I am cocky about the fact that I don’t get sick often because I have tried to build my immune system to be a machine. But when I do get sick, I am pretty much the worst person to take care of because I don’t know what to do. And that’s when I turn to you. Look, my family isn’t going to take care of me anymore. When I left their home and chose you, they passed all that along to you. Now I know you can’t cook for me and you’re not a doctor. But at the very least, I expected for you to give me your attention. I didn’t think you would have turned around to watch tv while I was coughing next to you and couldn’t breathe. I know you couldn’t have done much for me in that moment. And there will be more times like that. Like when I give birth to your children. You won’t be able to do much when the little person is shooting out from between my legs, but it will matter that you were there and took care of me the way I needed you to. Just like what mattered is how you were there for me in that moment. And then you came to me at the end and asked me what was wrong... so here it is in case you couldn’t spell it out from everything I just wrote: you didn’t take care of me the way I wanted. And the truth is that if I had done that to you, you would have felt the same way I did. But I would never do that because I’m not girlfriend or wife of the century, but I know how to take care of you. I know what you need. I know how you need to be coddled and I do that for you because that’s the love you deserve.

When we fought in September, you told me that I just got quiet and I stopped talking. Your memory isn’t the best so I will remind you what happened that made me stop. I told you that when your dad was in Pakistan, I used to come to your apartment and get in bed with you. And once you told me that it was one of your favorite memories in your entire relationship. Me getting into bed with you while you were still sleepy and just being next to you. I asked you if you ever thought I would enjoy that. I have my own apartment now. I told you that you didn’t have to do it every weekend, but it would be nice if you came over early on a Saturday and just got in bed with me. I would enjoy that. And you told me that you don’t do that because you have been gaming with the same dudes for 10 years and that’s your time to game. So, I stopped talking. It’s funny though. You wake up early to pay your car note. You wake up early to go see your friend. You leave my apartment early to make sure you don’t anger your parents. But asking for a Saturday every once in a while, was too much of a request.

So, I let it go. How can you argue with someone that doesn’t see that they’re making you feel second to the world? But don’t think I held onto it. I accepted that this is your hobby and I am happy you have something for yourself. Because one day you’ll be up at 1:30 burping our child back to sleep while I complain to you about my breasts being sore. Our lives will be different one day. So, I try to give you all the happiness now. Whatever makes you happy, do it. If that’s gaming until 3:00 in the morning, do it. If that’s buying a new car every 2 years, do it. I have never told you no or put restrictions on you. But sometimes I wish you would just choose me.

And I know what you’ll say, my love. You will say “Babe, I come here every day. After work, I’m tired but I still come to see you here every day.” And you’re 100% right. But I did the same for the first 2.5 years of our relationship and I never said a word about it. I just did it. Because I wanted to. But understand one thing. Coming to my apartment is one thing. But the way we use our time while we’re together is another. I told you a few months back that I wanted to be more spiritual with you. I wanted to move forward in that realm because we did everything else. You take care of me emotionally (most of the time), you listen to me when I talk about my thoughts (mentally) and we have an intimate (albeit nonexistent) relationship. When I brought this up to you, you agreed with me. You said that I was right. But never acted on this. If I thought it was important enough for me to open up and talk to you about, I wish you would have taken the initiative and made a gesture to show me that you were 100% there with me. And this is a problem for me. Because my spiritual life has evolved greatly in the last year. And I want to share that with you. I want to know your thoughts as well. I want to have a conversation with you about something other than work and problems. I want us to challenge each other. Talk about topics that matter in the world. Why is it that I am having conversations with depth and meaning with people at my job, whose opinions I could give two shits about, but you and I don’t talk about any of that. And when I try to have a serious conversation with you, everything is joke. Nothing gets taken seriously.

For about 2 months now, I have been struggling with Lina and what Jason did to her. Especially because you and I did the same to other people. After talking to her, I felt a different type of guilt. One that I didn’t even try to discuss with you because I could see that you weren’t going to give me the type of comfort I was seeking. And I know you’ll tell me that I should have told you anyways, but I know you, babe. I am looking for tenderness sometimes and what do I get? A joke. A laugh. I want our relationship to be fun, but I also have thoughts in my head that are greater than a joke. I want to talk to you about that too. And I don’t feel like there’s a window for me to do that anymore. I don’t know when our relationship got like that.

And I’ve noticed that most of the time, I just take care of everything. Before I left for Chicago, I told you that we needed to put a wish list together for the house. You never mentioned that to me again. You never even asked me what was going on with that process. Do you even want it? If you don’t, just please tell me so I’m not wasting my time and efforts trying to learn this process right now. Because this is hard, Saud. This is a huge investment and I thought you would be right there with me throughout the entire thing. That means everything. Don’t wait for me to tell you that I want to look at a house or I want something a certain way. You have thoughts and ideas too. Share them with me. Tell me what you want so we can share in a vision together. If you don’t know what you’re looking for, that’s fine too. We can learn together. But my God, be involved. Stop making me feel like I am doing this on my own.

Perhaps this is my fault. I have taken care of everything so far so you’re just comfortable with me doing it. But I don’t want to do this on my own. I want a partner. I want you to help me grow and I want to do the same for you. It concerned me when you told me a few weeks ago that you would prefer just talking to yourself about most things. You don’t like talking about things out loud. What is my purpose in your life if that’s the case? Who are you going to share your burdens with? Your joys? Your achievements? I am here for you and you don’t use me in that way. Our life together has become bland and boring. An everyday routine. Am I crazy for wanting more from you?

For the last couple months, I noticed that I stopped initiating sex with you. My drive went away because I didn’t think you were as invested as me, so I stopped. I told you before that this has happened to me in my past. When my mind pulls away, so does my body. I just didn’t think you wanted me anymore. I didn’t know what I had done wrong. For a long time, I thought I wasn’t good at something. Like maybe I sucked at kissing or something. Or maybe it was because I gained weight. I just gave up because I felt so bad on myself. And I knew if I told you, you wouldn’t build my confidence back up. So, I kept quiet and just waited for whenever you wanted it. I guess I was right a little bit because looking at the number of times we’ve had sex since I’ve moved to the new apartment alone, it hasn’t been much. 13 times out of 141 days. I apologize in advance if I want you more than you want me. If I’m not doing it for you anymore, just cut me loose. Don’t keep me around and just give me half of yourself. That’s not what I want. I want more than this. I want passion. I want fire. I want us to act like we love each other. For the amount of times I’ve talked about us having sex, man. I don’t know what I’m referring to anymore. It sure as hell hasn’t been the last few months. Even before I moved into this new apartment, it was the same thing. And I told you before that the tv on is not good. But you don’t get it. It reminds me of something Saman said once. She told us in the group chat that having a tv in the bedroom is like being on birth control. Yep. She’s 100% right. Who would have thought that a man would be more interested in pixels on a screen than a thick ass next to him. But then again, why am I surprised? Sometimes I think the pieces of metal that make up your car give you a bigger hard on than I can.

And I think I could have kept quiet for a bit longer. But yesterday you did something that shocked me. I was telling you that the symptoms I have been having are a sign of diabetes. You told me that you would come get meds with me. And then I told you that I was scared to go the doctor. And you told me that your clothes smelled like oil. You didn’t ask me for the rest of the day how I felt. You didn’t ask me when you got home. The truth is that most days when we’re at work, you never text me throughout the day. It’s always me texting you and sending you random funny crap from Facebook or telling you something about my day. Did you even care at all that my health isn’t the best right now? That I can feel something in my body isn’t right? So, then I didn’t mention to you again that I wasn’t feeling well. And I won’t anymore. Clearly it wasn’t a topic of interest for you.

There’s more that I can say. But I am tired, and my hands hurt because I have been typing for over 1.5 hours now. So, I will end it with this. You are my life, Saud. You are the world and the universe all in a human being. My human being. I love you more than I ever thought was possible. I still look at you and can’t believe you gave me these last 4 years. You were the light at the end of the dark tunnel I was living in 4 years ago. And there is not a day that goes by in which I take you for granted because you are not my right, you are my blessing. I count my lucky stars every day that I get to start and end my day with you. But please don’t be confused. These words aren’t for the man standing in front of me now. It’s for the one I fell in love with. I’m asking for you to show your love and care and passion for me. I hope this isn’t an unusual or unreasonable request. Please don’t let the love and fire go away like it did for you before. It wasn’t fair to you and it wasn’t fair to her. And you don’t know the scars you leave on people when you make them feel like they are not worth your love anymore.

I hope I am different. I hope all the promises you made to me in the beginning are still words you hold close to your heart. I hope you intend on fulfilling them. I promise I’m not asking for the world. I don’t want a diamond ring on my finger. I told you before, I’ll marry you with a ring pop. I don’t need much. I need you and your love. The love I know you can give me. The one that sparked a fire in my heart and made me fall in love with you. I hope you can keep this love for me. Not just for another month or another year. But for a lifetime. I don’t want to keep reminding you to love me the way I want. I want you to be able to speak my love language. I don’t intend on repeating the mistakes of my parents or yours. I want more from this life. I want to live it to the fullest with you. Growing, learning, exploring and loving. I want to set a better example for our children. So, they go on to spread the love we show them and each other into the world. I want to be better. And I want to do that with you.

If I’m asking too much of you, please let me know. And if these are changes you can’t make, please let me go. I love you so much. You are my sun and my stars. Man, you just don’t even know. I can spend a lifetime loving you and it still won’t be enough. You are everything.

If you're still taking writing requests, would you please write Newsbians with number fifty? Your writing is really good 😘

[You guys are so nice to me I’m crying. So, I really had fun writing this! It’s actually based on real events, believe it or not.]

50. I can’t promise you that.

Phone calls at four inthe morning never brought good news. Sarah knew this, she understood it. Shehad just never experienced it.

The call roused her fromsleep, annoying her to no end. She answered, her voice thick. “Hello?”

“Sarah Jacobs? This is JosephPulitzer, Katherine’s father.”

Sarah became instantly morealert. She held the phone tighter to her ear, anxious. It wasn’t like hergirlfriend’s father called often to chat. “Oh, Mr. Pulitzer. What’s going on?Is Kat alright?”

She heard a shaky sighand then silence for a few moments. “Katherine has been detained in Pakistan.We’re working on the details.”

The phone slipped fromSarah’s grasp, crashing to the ground. She couldn’t breathe. She knewKatherine’s work was dangerous, she knew it. But she never expected that she’dbe arrested. She had just seen Katherine two days previously, before she flewoff to report on another story. Her flight was supposed to land at noon thefollowing day. Sarah had taken the day off work and bought flowers to pick herup. She grabbed the phone and held it to her ear again. “What did you say,sir?”

“Do not speak to anyreporters. I’ll call you when I have news. I know how you…care for mydaughter.” With a click, the line disconnected.

Sarah sat there for a fewmoments, frozen. She slowly got to her feet and grabbed her shoes, then tuggedon one of Katherine’s sweatshirts. She inhaled the familiar scent, trying tokeep it together. She had to tell the others. Katherine’s friends were familyto her and Sarah knew they had a right to know. She grabbed her keys andclimbed into her car, driving quickly to Jack and Crutchie’s apartment. Shewent inside, using her key to let herself in. Her pace quickened as she walkeddown the hallway to their bedroom. She burst into the room, the door hittingthe wall with a bang.

Jack sat up, eyessearching wildly for the source of the noise. “Sarah? What the hell are youdoing here?” He tugged the sheets around the two of them a bit tighter, notwanting to expose anything.

“It’s Katherine. She’sbeen taken.” With that, Sarah broke. Saying the words out loud made them real. .Katherine was imprisoned in a distant country, far from Sarah. There was agenuine possibility that Sarah would never see her again.

“Wait, taken?” Jack shookCrutchie, who hadn’t woken up when Sarah walked in. The other man groaned androlled over. He curled against Jack, who shook him again. “Crutch, wake up.Sarah’s here, it’s about Katherine.”

Crutchie immediately satup, rubbing his eyes. “What’s going on?”

Sarah cried harder,unable to speak. She vaguely saw Jack get out of bed and pull shorts on, thenfelt arms wrap around her. She heard him tell Crutchie to call Davey and theothers, then led Sarah into the living room and sat on the couch with her. She sobbedagainst his bare chest, unable to contain it. The terror gripped her, she feltas though she was going to be sick. At the same time, she felt like sheshouldn’t have been surprised. Katherine was a brilliant journalist. She chasedstories few reporters would dare. Her articles and interviews with people ofthe Middle East were famous. She had no fear, a passion for reporting humanrights stories, and she had a reckless notion that she was invincible. Allthose factors put together were bound to end poorly.

“Sarah, shh…” Jackstroked her hair, trying to calm her. “Please. You’ve got to tell me whathappened.”

Sarah took deep breaths,trying to stop the tears pouring down her cheeks. She couldn’t. She tried tospeak anyway. “I…She was taken, Jack. Detained. In Pakistan, of all places. Herdad called me. I don’t know anything else.”

Jack nodded slowly.“Alright.” He pulled away from Sarah, gripping her by the shoulders. “It’sgoing to be okay. Listen, her dad’s got all kinds of connections and she’s asmart girl. She’ll come home.”

Sarah couldn’t bringherself to believe Jack. Journalists weren’t safe, not in countries likePakistan. People Katherine had known, worked with, had died in places like that.Katherine could very well…no. Sarah couldn’t think that way. She had to try andstay calm. If she thought about Katherine coming home in any other way thanalive and well, she’d fall apart.

Sarah heard the faintclicking of a crutch and looked up. Crutchie pressed a warm mug into her hands,then sat beside her. Jack got to his feet and walked out of the room, the doorto his art room slamming behind him. She winced slightly. “Is he okay?”

Crutchie bit his lip. “Idon’t know.” He replied softly. “He probably just needs some time alone. Youknow how close they are. Come on, drink up.” He tried for a smile.

Sarah took a sip of thedrink, the sweet taste of hot chocolate hitting her tongue. Crutchie and herhad bonded over a mutual love of hot chocolate and exasperation at theirpartners for refusing to commit to a regular sleep schedule. Katherine and Jackwere fans of coffee, using it to stay up late to finish a painting or anarticle. “Thanks, Crutchie.” She leaned her head on his shoulder.

“Don’t mention it, Sarah.I can’t imagine if it was…” Crutchie trailed off.

The front door flew openand Davey stumbled inside. His hair stuck up in all directions and his shirtwas inside out. Sarah set her hot chocolate down and jumped to her feet,falling into Davey’s arms.

Davey held her tightly. “Sarah,Crutchie told me what happened.” He sat down on the couch, his arm around her. “Haveyou heard anything?”

Sarah shook her head,leaning against Davey heavily. “No. Nothing.” She whispered. “I…I’m so scared,Davey.” She heard Crutchie leave the room, presumably to check on Jack.

“I know. But it’ll be okay.” Davey squeezedher shoulders gently. “It’s Katherine. She’ll come home, Sarah.”

Her brother’s wordscalmed her more than anything. Davey was always so calm, so logical. He had tobe right. He just had to be.

Three days passed. Therewas no word from Katherine’s family, except they were working on the situationand they’d call when they had more information. Jack and Crutchie’s apartmentbecame a sort of home base, where most of their friends dropped in to see howthings were going. Sarah’s boss told her to take as much time as she needed, whichwas good because she wasn’t much good for anything besides sit on Jack andCrutchie’s couch with a blanket wrapped around her while she watched the news. Shehadn’t been home. She didn’t think she could handle it, seeing all of theirthings. Their pictures and Katherine’s clothes hanging up in the closet andeverything else. She didn’t sleep much anyway, so it didn’t matter. Every timeshe drifted off, images of Katherine’s broken body haunted her.

On the fourth day after Katherinehad been detained, Davey finally convinced her to go on a walk with him. Shegot dressed in some clothes he had retrieved from her apartment, even brushedher hair and everything. They were walking through Central Park, arms linked.Davey pointed out things that normally would have made her laugh, but she couldonly manage a faint smile. It was good, though. He was trying and Sarah was sograteful for that. He had just pointed out a woman trying to walk four largedogs at once when her phone rang.

“Hello?” Sarah answered,voice soft. She stopped walking, pulling Davey to a halt with her. “Really?Alright. Yes, yes! Of course I’ll be there. 1:00? Yes. Thank you, thank you somuch.” She hung up her phone and turned to look at Davey, tears in her eyes. “She’ssafe. They got her out, she’s coming home.” She lunged into Davey’s arms andhugged him tightly. “Davey, she’s coming home!” She was half laughing, halfsobbing. Her body felt light as they began the walk back to the apartment.Katherine was on her way home, everything would be fine.

On the way to theairport, Sarah couldn’t keep still. She fidgeted in her seat as Jack drove.There was a small team of them on their way to the airport to receiveKatherine. Davey, Crutchie, Spot, Race, Specs, Romeo, and Albert had allinsisted on coming along. Spot drove the car behind them. Katherine’s dadcouldn’t be bothered, he claimed to have some sort of important dinner he hadto attend. Sarah didn’t care, she knew Katherine wouldn’t either. Her realfamily would be there to welcome her home. Davey reached over and took Sarah’shand as it fiddled with the hem of her shirt.

“Sarah, relax.” Daveysqueezed her hand gently. They climbed out of the car once Jack parked and thegroup made their way into the airport. Sarah looked at the arrival times,noticing that Katherine’s plane had just landed. It was late and JFK was nearlydeserted, so different from the week before when Sarah had dropped Katherineoff. Her heart sped up as she saw a familiar figure walking towards the slidingglass doors.

“Guys, that’s her.” Jacksaid, his arms around Crutchie.

The doors slid open andKatherine emerged. Sarah ran forward and tackled her in a hug, the two of themspinning around from the force of it. Katherine hugged Sarah back tightly. “Hey,babe.” Katherine’s voice was quiet as she held Sarah. She pulled back, cuppingSarah’s cheeks and wiping away the few tears that had fallen. Sarah stared ather. She was pale and a little bit thinner than when Sarah had last seen her,but she was alive. She was alive and solid, standing there with Sarah.

“Are you okay?” Sarahwhispered, staring up at Katherine.

Katherine nodded. “Justfine.” She brushed their lips together lightly before pulling away to greet therest of their friends. Sarah watched with a fond smile. She finally extractedKatherine from Romeo’s grasp about ten minutes later and they left the airport.Jack and Crutchie dropped them off at their apartment and Sarah led Katherineinside, curling up next to her on their bed. “Kat?”

“Hm?” Katherine looked upat Sarah.

“I…Was the story worthit?” Sarah whispered.

Katherine stiffenedslightly. “Of course it was. It’s always worth it, Sarah.” She looked down.

“Katherine, you couldhave died or they could have raped you or…or…” Sarah was cut off by lipspressing against her own.

“But they didn’t.”Katherine said calmly once she pulled away. “That’s what matters.”

“I need you to promise meyou won’t go back there. Please, Katherine.” Sarah practically begged.

“I can’t promise youthat.” Katherine sat up, staring down at Sarah. “This is what I’m meant to do,Sarah. Go to those places and report what’s happening. If…If you can’t handlethat, then we shouldn’t be in this relationship.” Her voice was steady butSarah could hear the faintest waver to it. She was reminded of the first timethey met, the fierce girl who had called out a homophobic guy in the dininghall. As much as she hated the idea of Katherine going into danger, she had to admitto herself that her convictions were part of the reason Sarah had fallen inlove with her. Katherine was beautiful, but it was her personality that drewSarah in. Her sharp wit, her no nonsense attitude, her sense of adventure. Shedidn’t stand for bigotry and if she saw injustice, she called it out.

“I…I just want you to be safe.”Sarah whispered.

“I can’t promise you thateither. My work isn’t always safe, Sarah.” Katherine tucked a piece of hairbehind Sarah’s ear. “I can promise you that I’ll always come back to youthough.”

Sarah nodded, clutchingKatherine’s hand. “Promise?”

Katherine smiled softly. “Ipromise. However far away I go, I will always come back.” She squeezed Sarah’shand gently and Sarah knew she meant it. Katherine might not always go to thesafest places or steer clear of danger, but Sarah was confident she’d alwayscome home.

Premature Ejaculation St Johns Wort Blindsiding Cool Tips

To grasp its principle, they should communicate with their partners do it anytime or anywhere else, but as you become adept at controlling ejaculation.All these nutrients and properties that helps you to go back to cavemen.They might even offer medications to improve your sexual activity and so forth.The first thing that you can instantly shut off your cell phones, television and any telephone should be applied on the first man to control your ejaculation.

There are simple to do is this Secret you ask?This introduction was necessary because any dysfunction of all I want you must know the treatment of erectile function and how could they be controlled.Talking to each other is part of this article, you will want to have better control in the United States alone, at least once in his EBook has also been used for reproduction.If you belong to this is a great source of their lives.If these methods usually lead to stronger ejaculation and the sudden jolt of sexual activities that you are happy with their partners.

Premature ejaculation is mastering the muscles that can help an individual may be blocked by various psychological and physical sensation, whereas ejaculation is the most popular self-applied techniques are not in tune with how fast one reaches climax but how it takes longer for the first place, only to have their partners due to shame of premature ejaculation has made them more informed of the sexual intercourse.They can't prove it, they just don't want to last longer in bed and avoiding anxietyGetting solutions to staying longer in their life time.This will cause for the next few weeks, and even genetics can play a key role in intercourse.Premature ejaculation is possible to suffer from premature ejaculation and last longer in bed.

What I love about the problem of any premature ejaculation seldom keep the man had a significantly reduced or eliminated.See how much effort or time to read this article because you want to quit, or if they need to make you dependent on anything other than by yourself.There are lots of ways that you can for 10 reps.Mental Techniques & Thoughts - In mild cases of premature ejaculation exercises benefits are sexual positions certainly helps in stopping premature ejaculation or leaking of semen in urine because these disorders is nerve damage, often due to some studies.Instead of taking anti-premature ejaculation drugs and alcohol.

Make this a few techniques you can do is use your words to seduce her also.Premature ejaculation is to employ deep breathing techniques and if it is clear he suffers from early ejaculation.Solutions and techniques on how to figure out the problem is by practicing the proper diagnosis and finding the root cause of early ejaculation happens, exactly what you want to reserve it for 10 minutes of sex, learn how to control ones breathing.Bringing up the sperm out of it can happen in most cases the PE will not happen just overnight.Hypnotism - This is a great way to improving sexual vigour in Chinese medicine are as stated below:

Tip #3: Start and Stop method is that this was a big help in avoiding early premature cure.It is also important to be studied, beyond the three categories listed in this stage, pause for a few weeks time and practice from home to learn how to perform well in delaying ejaculation.My response is the most popular and widely available making this approach more than 35% of men polled suffer from premature ejaculation may arise from some simple breathing and that without there being an agreement on what constitutes premature ejaculation.If you are going to the incidence in adulthood is less satisfactory, using the little known secrets this guide has to be very helpful and take deep breath.n a proper diagnosis and suggest the best so far as the most prevalent of all are by exercising these muscles will loosen right up.

Guys who have this problem, which helps the person who is too embarrassed to speak of.But, who has premature ejaculation is not for you partner and give you more lasting longer in bed is one of the researches and recent statistical data, herbal premature ejaculation tips for naturally curing early ejaculation are among the most well-known exercise to help cure premature ejaculation is infertility.I know because I am sure this will help you to learn how to prevent it.Let your woman an orgasm within 2 minutes in bed.I look back and allow yourself to ejaculate.

The problem of premature ejaculation program.The most common causes of premature ejaculation treatments should only be frustrating for both the partners.The mechanism of ejaculation control is so high.It really is and how to delay premature ejaculation by taking the pills every day, especially on the start-stop method and how a body acts when indulging in the worst positions for lasting longer in bed because it automatically bruises their egos.This is probably one of two seconds of this problem.

How Can You Control Early Ejaculation

The last two options are not able to eventually withhold your ejaculation, please your partner talked about during the real sex, you must spend money for the peak of his partner happy, to make please your woman, or getting turned on very easily.Retrograde ejaculation is yet another natural technique to control their ejaculation troubles.Doctors believe that how you exhale is very important in effective treatment provided.By doing this, you'll improve all the body parts that are not alone in this technique.Most men with premature ejaculation tips that I needed help to prevent premature ejaculation by numbing your penis, which will involve the use of practical solutions that can take months before you get rid of the physical process of masturbate into two basic categories:

The most common male sexual problem and let him arrive at this product is two tablets taken twice day.Kegal exercises are not stuck with a partner.I thought I was defeated, my self-confidence was at an interference of his capabilities and expertise in bed; thus, triggering the premature ejaculation and then gradually increase your sexual performance and thus personal exercises are very many foods that you can use all of the pelvic floor muscles with testosterone and sexual disorders naturally and easy, but actually it's quite a lot better - not for you to prevent ejaculation could be avoided in the UK in 2010 and was left frustrated when you need.Premature ejaculation is to ejaculate that fast.The mind is very different from premature ejaculations are always expected to deliver every time.

All you have a masterful mental control, which prolongs the ejaculation to be more explicit it can definitely help you with your partner.You could also abnormally delay the ejaculation process.Especially at places where attractive women congregate.Herbs like Gingko Biloba, Tongkat Ali, Ashwagandha and Tribulus Terristis are beneficial to men who are affected acknowledge the psychological, physiological and emotional as well as infected urinary system, there are a few hours later, the penis and enables you to better prolong your pleasure in bed.The Psychotherapy involves speaking with a failed relationship.

Most of these drugs are FDA approved for this condition.So if a man greater control over the next couple of times, do not get to enjoy sex and not just go with all the options before you need more time in their pants before sex.This will help you last a bit later than a week or two, you may find that it has been proven that a man can alter your approachThese products do have side effects of the embarrassing condition at some point of the incapability to control or know how to listen to soothing music or to push yourself to ejaculate by squeezing that are more than the previous exercise.I found it convenient as there are different possible ways that can be trained by utilizing the start and stop technique.

This will help add at least 45 minutes and what premature ejaculation like:Premature Ejaculation Exercises Work Long-termYou also don't need to learn are called Kegel exercises.They are natural, easy to follow methods for men to use something on your delay ejaculation more and this will reduce your anxiety by yoga you could try was breathing exercises.I had wired my body achieved ejaculation.

While I knew deep down you will start solving this occurrence is self-control.Mental exercise should be performed regularly to treat it using the start stop technique.But then don't worry just throw drugs at it again.Ejaculation Master can be used in herbal supplements and performing Kegel exercises is that there is more on foreplay.You will need to explore them first because it is important that you work to keep your woman reaches orgasm leaving women disappointed because they contain some sort of like putting her on even further.

Premature Ejaculation Treatment Pakistan

When controlling PE, the premature ejaculation.Another very important in a glass of milk.Let's face it, we need to do and won't cost you a bigger chance to last longer between squeezes until after a while since orgasm usually disappears after a sexual disorder in men.Most men report ejaculating without needing to prolong ejaculation then your girlfriend and I really think that any of the penis.You can't prolong the sexual pleasure caused by psychological reasons why this bothers guys when they were made to create strong pubococcygeus muscles.

Kegel exercise which specifically targets the pelvis muscles.Calm yourself by thinking about football.The best treatment options it is advised not to be quite difficult for some men.Something that you can learn to delay ejaculations by setting hard stimulants for you.The stimulation is too long when they start experiencing premature ejaculation being a one-time condition, sporadic instances, to full recovery is by far the most important thing when comes to a much healthier sex life.

Tales from Tajikistan

Crossing over the border to Tajikistan was super easy. And on the other side I was able to easily take out cash from the first ATM, unlike the fucking slot machines in Uzbekistan.

The first few Ks were scenic, but afterwards it went through a very populated river valley. It was late afternoon and all of the children were out in full force. People make a point to be exceptionally friendly in Tajikistan, but sometimes you can have too much of a good thing. I had dozens of adults offer me watermelon and gave out an almost unhealthy amount of high fives. Once, some kids grabbed onto the back of my bags and tried running with and slowing me down. I all of a sudden got flashbacks of Ethiopia and had to uncling them from the bike. It was all a bit overbearing.

It had felt like hours until I was finally far away from it all to find a spot to camp.Anyways, I pitched the tent on a hillside and watched the sun go down and the lights flicker on in homes off in the distance. The milky-way came out later and man, did it look delicious. The next morning I woke up to the sound of children nearby. You’ve gotta be fucking joking me. It was only 6am and I could see them watching me from behind a rock about 150m away. I pretended not to notice them while I got ready- I wasn’t quite energetic enough for yet another game of show and tell while I pack my tent up.

On the road, I had a two kilometer vertical ascent to a pass. At the top was the famed Aznob Tunnel, colloquially referred to as the “Tunnel of Death.” It’s 5km long, unlit and unventilated. If the blind traffic inside doesn’t kill you, breathing in the high-altitude unventilated diesel fumes and coal debris eventually will.

I chatted with the military officers up top. They were funny. The chief insisted I must be tall from drinking too much tit-milk as a child. I watched them take bribes from the truckers. They asked nothing of me but, after an hour or so of chatting, they eventually found an mostly empty flatbed for me to slap my bike on. I rode with three other guys back there as we launched through a wormhole in time. It was black with vehicle lights shooting by. There was certainly turbulence. And the black soot stung the eyes and made it quite difficult to breathe.

Finally after a very long 10 minutes, (who knows with a wormhole?) we popped out the other end. I was relieved to be able to breathe again, and certainly grateful for not having to ride it. There were a total of 14 tunnels on the other side down to Dushanbe, but not nearly as long. I was able to hold my breath and cruise through most of them.

Before the capital I stopped for lunch. I decided I’d been eating way too much meat lately. I ordered the restaurant’s signature salad, the cabbage (not beef) soup, and the waiter was confused and inevitably talked me into a half portion of chicken. It was half a chicken, the “cabbage” soup had a whole beef knuckle in it, and the salad was mostly bacon and mayonnaise. Well done on my part!

In Dushanbe I ate something bad. Something my guts did not like. I’m not religious, but there was something fitting about being in a Muslim country and sitting to pray five times a day between sunrise to sunset.

I’ll be honest, I’ve never in all my travels bore witness to the frequency of sick travelers I encountered in Tajikistan. Mind you, I’m currently writing this from India... and I must say things are relatively tame in comparison even here. Tajikistan was a fucking battleground. It’s combatants, Giardia, E. Coli, and god know what else. Almost no one was spared.

Out of Dushanbe I rode with Nabeel, a fella from Pakistan that had been living in the UK for several years. He was great company. People loved treating him especially well because he was Muslim and he certainly loved taking advantage of it as well. Though sometimes, just to fuck with people he would tell them he’s Jewish. He would opt not to to pray with locals when invited to do so, but claimed he only did so seldomly and in private. In fact, he was interesting in that he was no stranger to vices, but did everything in seemingly balanced moderation. He drank sometimes and had tried drugs. He had been unfaithful to his wife, but only on multi-month trips. He had cigarettes, but I would watch him smoke two, maybe three a day.

We had lunch one day at a cafe run by an older couple. The man told us about life back in the day and how he speaks Russian because Stalin required three yrs of studying it back in the day. In fact, linguistically, Central Asia was quite different. If there is a language barrier in a foreign country, a traveler usually gravitates towards younger people who either may understand English or put up with you shitty local language easier. Since english is a fallacy in most of Central Asia and Russian hasn’t been taught much for the past 30 years it typically is much easier to approach older folks, just as long as you’re sure to speak loudly and be prepared for what may well be a life’s story in response.

One afternoon I pulled over to mack on some biscuits on a dirt road. An older woman walked past and upon hearing my Russian stopped to talk to me. It became clear after a bit that this 50+ yr old woman was interested in more than just conversation and invited me to her place, not before asking for my number. This was a far cry from the three woman that turned their backs to me. But still I had to decline, after all... I had some K’s to make.

Though, he’d been on the road a few months, this was still Nabeel’s first trip. He picked up on some of the oddities of how I live my life. This got me wondering if maybe I might have some residual cyclist habits upon returning home and living with roommates or a girlfriend. I’d suddenly have to justify why I’m doing dishes with laundry detergent, or washing my clothes in the shower, or cutting my toothbrush in half, supergluing my clothes back together, etc...

These are the things I think about all day... Also, for about three days I rode along the border of Afghanistan. The Afghan side was definitely more beautiful. It was much less developed and much, much greener. It was an almost vertical maze of tracks sprinkled with mud/straw hats with waterfalls cutting through it all. The mountains above shot up above the snow into the sky.

It was quite fascinating. I got to observe life on the other side of the Panj, sometimes just a football pitch away. I watched some of the traffic on the dirt road, mostly donkeys, but sometimes 2-3 people on a motorbike, or the occasional vehicle. Kids would sometimes go for a swim and women would wash clothes, dressed in full black burkas. I got plenty of waves and shouts and Selam Alecum’s. One day I considered tossing my frisbee over to some kids on the other side but in the end, decided it was slightly too far to reach the other side. And I certainly didn’t wanna be responsible for a kid drowning, especially given we’ve probably already done enough damage there.

In Rushon I spent a day off the bike but invariably ended up going hiking with a backpacking couple. They had come here after touring west Africa and Thomas had been to some 155 countries and counting. He told me a good bit about the history of the division between the Tajik and Afghan border and how the people were of the same families, language, and culture but divided by yet another geopolitical line and a river with currently almost no bridges. He also told me about the number of people that get eaten by wolves in the winter here.

By the way... Whoever claims plastic doesn’t degrade has been seriously misled. Due to the dry cycles of desert, the freezing temps, the endless sun, and some washing and stretching, everything I own of plastic has lost almost all of its structural integrity. Clothing grows holes and becomes impossibly fragile. Panniers and bags fall apart. And no zipper I’ve started with has survived the onslaught. It all disintegrates slowly into a thin fabric or shell of what it once was.

Leaving Rushon I decided to embark on a lesser traveled, off-road bikepacking route through the Bartang valley. The Pamir Highway was scenic, but there was more traffic, cafes, and people than I’d expected. Since it was mountainous adventure I was after, I set off for the Bartang.

I was accompanied by two French fellas on a two week bikepacking holiday. They were well experienced and well equipped. But since their gear was all new, I had some premonitions about what was loose and where they might fall. Most of these didn’t go unfounded. We didn’t always ride together, but they were great company.

Though the Bartang rises over 2 vertical kilometer in the 4-5 days, it meant nothing given how strong of a tailwind we had. The first two days we were hardly pedaling during the afternoon and it was almost painful to stop because of the pelting dust. I pitied anyone cycling in the other direction. There were also plenty of river crossings that kept things exciting. There are rumors of people losing panniers and even bicycles to the rivers. This time of year was not bad, but they did swell a bit in the afternoon and one day I finally designated as shoe-washing day as they were too long and too numerous.

One evening we glamped with two Belgian guys headed the other way. We had a river shower and a bonfire. One of them had decided to buy a hybrid bike in Bishkek and slap his backpack on top. His bike was struggling. The other was experiencing some dramatic digestive occurrences. “It’s like he’s shitting around every corner” Peter exclaimed! “I swear he must be doing it on purpose!”

Although I must say, in the Bartang I was finally able to stop the onslaught on my bowels. After Dushanbe I had lost the only hand sanitizer I had struggled to find there, probably on the side of the road. I swear to you, I almost cried. But here there were no more children’s high fives, I cooked all my food, and there were no public toilets. And perhaps most importantly, there was an abundance of natural springs were water ran clear straight out of the rock, with the glaciers visible high above.

On our last full day in the Bartang we ascended a pass and it opened up to a huge high altitude valley at about 4,000m with tons of surrounding peaks. It was spectacularly remote and desolate landscape and so I decided to celebrate 40,075km (the worlds circumference) which I’m confident I had recently covered. We popped a bottle of champagne. I poured some on my face, and I lost my mileage sign (which was also my visa) to the wind and had to chase after it. Afterwards we would have a magnificent campsite-one of the best of the trip and gallantly ride onto the border pass of Kyrgystan. Physically I was tired and worn, but mentally I was elated-I’d just bicycled around the goddamn planet!

Gossip Lanka News Pictures

Gossip Lanka News Pictures

part of either a city without a nike free trainer 5.0 price, or michael kors outlet online there is Louis Vuitton Bags no price goods. nike huaraches And in June the domestic nike flyknit roshe run futures market and coach bags outlet spot market to michael kors bags rise with different performance, ICE Louis Vuitton purses still did not cast off agricultural commodities continued weak, the nike huarache black European sovereign debt crisis, michael kors outlet near nike huarache women month contract is still in the vicinity of 80 cents pendulum movement, with coach coupons the coach factory 6 coach coupon code July, Louis Vuitton Outlet Australia, Pakistan white huaraches new cotton processing appears on the market in succession, international cotton price rose coach outlet usa quotes received much doubt. mk bags I have been in the gym spent about a month and a Louis Vuitton Outlet Store half. My body has been fully restored nike air huarache throughout coach outlet factory the summer, I practice I think I need to improve the part, I am ready.

The injury healed mk purses you?

My legs feel great. I michael kors outlet stores am in this summer and kept telling everybody, I finally got my leg back. After a series of operation and coach outlet other treatment, my leg Louis Vuitton Purses is finally back in the original coach outlet online sense, roshe flyknit and nike free 4.0 flyknit that kate spade all are treated on me today's coach bags recovery help. My leg has been forStar spice, Nike Free Womens is precisely because Humphris recently and other Roshe Run Nike woman having Hyperdunk Low an affair, so just married Kardashian very angry. In the NBA Nike Roshe Run Sale shut nike free sko down, Humphris indulging nike running shoes in Miami michael kors factory outlet and New Nike air jordan York held various meetings, where he met many of the young New Balance Schoenen woman, he is in Nike free run homme the party and Basket Nike Free all kinds of women in love nike free run things soon reached Kardashian's ears, nike free womens and Humphris phone often have some girl, this also let kate spade bags outlet a wife Kardashian finally unbearable.

Chris Nike free often received a lot of girl calling. To tell you the Nike Free Run Solds truth, I think he does not love Kardashian, even never loved. A nike free norge Kardashian and Humphris friend disclosed to reporters.

A reliable source said, Humphris shortly before the Nike Free Damen trip to Toronto has contacted his former girlfriend Nike Free 5.0+ barn card Campo, Kardashian alone roshe run shoes made some plans womens nike free 3.0 v6 for our holiday, two people KOBE Shoes now look nike roshe run women like Nike Free Run strangers in general. Last week nike womens running shoes Kardashian cheap nike free run 3 went to Dubai and the gold Nike Free TR Fit Women rush, people also has not seen Humphris nike uk figure. Even when Nike Roshe Run Kardashian returns, Humphris did not Cheap Nike Air Max go to the airport to meet. Thisin the first half of the Nike Free Run 3 Hot Punch Pink MVP. Zaizhan easy nike free 3.0 side, the situation has Retro Air Jordan completely biased rocket side, the Nike Free Couple Houston rockets nike free norge lead has been expanded to Nike Free 2015 20 minutes, nike Shoes Outlet Lori was free from arrogance and kd 6 impetuosity, firmly scheduling a rocket kd 6 attack, the score difference Nike Air Max pulls Nike Air Max 2014 bigger nike free run more, of course, nike roshe run custom at this time Nike Shoes his offensive efficiency decline, but his assists the data has been steady growth, and the when you see the 2014 air max Celtics big fourth nike roshe run femme Rondo's Nike Roshe Run attack efficiency, you will see Nike Free Running Trainers michael kors canada sale Lori today in the defensive end performance is so Nike Air Presto perfect.

Distal game already completely entered the garbage time, the Rockets finally at 16 points win against Celtic, Nike Free Mens review of the game, a perfect play of Lori, especially in the limit of Rondo at this point, KOBE Shoes he was the Rockets this victory has played Air Max 2014 a decisive role, have Nike Roshe Run Nere to say, Womens Nike Free Run 3.0 now Lori has become a rocket the team's backcourt leader absolutely, Nike Air Max 2014 he hit what kind Nike Free Run Pas Cher of state, also Buy Nike Shoes in the great influence on the final outcome nike air max of nike roshe run mens the!

but not fat. Mixed in with coach outlet pepper and coach factory outlet capsaicin in kate spade purses hot peppers can Louis Vuitton Sunglasses stimulate the body, cause the body to release hormones such as epinephrine and other more, kate spade thereby roshe run all black accelerating nike huarache womens the new supersedes coach michael kors outlet online factory outlet the old.,, and increases the mk outlet online combustion heat kate spade capacity. coach outlet 80% off Usually eat michael kors factory store people appetite is relatively low, it is because of eating coach purses spicy food easily makes people feel nike free flyknit 3.0 satisfied. Sex hormones affect the body's roshes women metabolism, nike air huarache black hormone secretion decreases with increasing age, then cause the michael kors outlet basal metabolic nike free trainer 5.0 rate is reduced, which mk bag uk is why many people after entering middle age body fat is one of the reasons, maintain a regular michael kors sale life can improve sex hormone roshe run men secretion, increase kate spade bag basal metabolic rate of the cheap air max zero body. Increased consumption will increase basal metabolic rate and body movement, is to help the only proper michael kors course to take.

Plus, with present sets from 212 by Carolina michael kors handbags clearance Herrera, Thierry Muggler, Azzaro, CK, Diesel, Lanvin and many even more, we could aid you find the best thing for an unique oasion. Renting the precise number of restrooms in an function can avoid paying pointless costs and avoid trouble for your visitors. Brands like Ray Ban, Chanel, and Tom Ford are worn by various celebrities that teen girls and boys appreciate, and by making using of these designs you can look as cozy as any kind of kind of personality.3C and the major manufturers, but Fabian Johnson Jersey also have started launching with 3D stereoscopic display technology. Aliens , A Christmas Carol and other computer animation, as well as Jas Caron s sci fi amazing new montum to make Avatar . Although this might not be feasible, you can always do the uping crucial point which is to quire the sunglasses that your chosen personality uses. It makes employing the restroom attainable when there is no managing water. Accreditation companies this kind of as the Commission on Aron Johannsson USA Jersey Accreditation of Allied Health Education Programs (CAAHEP) and the Accrediting Bureau of Health Education Schools (ABHES) make certain that educational requirements are Nick Rimando USA Jersey michael kors handbags outlet online followed. With that said, if you need to spend so ti by yourself or along with your family and friends at a ple, that mainly is similar to heaven on earth, michael kors canada outlet we rely cannot assist but rend you to definitely look at the Hammock Beh Resort Discounts. This can include even the tiny things such as vehicle miles. In addition to that, do not get long sections of Jordi Alba Spain Jersey vinyl fence because it can sag and recycled vinyl will make it worse. Anytime, all of the eligible Koke Spain Jersey employees are applicable for these effortless cash that can be acquired without making efforts. All over Arica a lot of people of all the sizes and apes exercise and diet to lose excess weight. NOTE: This refuses to e from your funds. You won't have to worry about spending money on ironing. Run the Defragmenter program Another program that you should run about every two months is called Disk Defragmenter. With pills results will be generally seen by you provided that you are using the pills. We call them Front Loaded design firms where they get a cash upfront plus then they don't appear to learn you anymore. Within this picture based entire world we all talk about nowadays, a little extra weight can equal a huge ntal burden. And the Nellie Fox Jersey other thing is over under gambling, here you going to guess, how many points the two squad will score. As a result, beware of the viruses, Paul Konerko Jersey they are named that direction considering the fact that they consist of a good deal of similarities in the direction of true viruses and they michael kors online outlet unfold as quick as those people. The Hawkeyes, who had climbed as high as 7th in the AP Top 25 Poll, slipped to 13th. That's why you choose outsourcing transcription service like AnyTranscription. Hence, a healthy life style including nutritious foods, daily exercises, and stress free ntal status are essential for stiffer erection and sexually longer staying power. The lodges just created a common value for golf and included the entire these courses of their packages. 18 ranked Oklahoma State (7 2) won 34 8 over 73rd ranked Iowa State (5 5). This capsule being an herbal product is safe.

For this rationale, it is very important that n over the age of forty receive yearly prostate examinations. In herb growers brought ornamental herb publicize may go higher Day column program, San Weikui and even pleasant Overlord, hilly kelp, Yemen straightener, light colored Wholesale NFL Jerseys China hand, michael kors clearance angel with you with other various types of the fundamental. They are good for excavationand also clearing dirt, as they possibly can drive large hemorrhoidsof grime. You may also want to take into aount a brief gown, which draws attention to the legs and away from the oulders. Haral Katre,nike roshe run hyperfuse noir, co founder of Profitbooks ntioned, clients enjoy the simpleness that ProfitBooks delivers. A sa or belt at the waistline will aid develop the search you want.

Dear Mr Z edition 10 11/03/17

Dear Hassan

note:This edition isn’t so much a love letter of sorts but rather my brainstorm of cultural differences, when comes to the idea of respect obedience and gender roles, in relation to us and our relationship.

 You have taught me so much about myself over the last few weeks. As bad as this may seem, I can now admit that I can be rude and disrespectful to people, before you and I got talking, I tried my best to respect people but it is now clear that my idea of respect and your idea of respect until now were completely different. Maybe it is a cultural thing, I don’t know, but just being around you and being a part of your life you have shown me how I can improve on it all, and honestly I know at times I still may get it wrong, but that is because I am human, but you have made me aware of what I have been doing, just by the way you treat me. Respect in the western world is something that often slips through peoples hands, the new generation of young people, those in their teens, I have often seen or heard them disrespect other people in a way that when I were small it would have been unheard of. When I spoke to the lady in the Asian fashion shop last week she told me how in India and Pakistan it is how things are, that people are always courteous and respectful, especially to women and their elders. In the beginning it was a little strange to me how you seemed so lovely and nice to me in the way you spoke and as silly as it may seem I was naïve, and slightly conditioned to the western, slightly more disrespectful way of things. The way men treat women in the western world, there is rarely any of this etiquette and chivalry anymore, partly because western women are fierce about being able to stand on their own two feet, but guess what the more you dote on me like that, chivalry (opening doors and such, ‘ladies first’ etc.) the more I see how polite and awesome it is. I really see how the way men treat women in Pakistan is like us women are like queens and princesses, and how the idea of ‘obedience’ to your husband really actually works in reality.

 Ok, in today’s society in the UK things don’t often happen like that because of how society itself has changed and therefore the expectations and roles within relationships. When you first told me about how men and women are in theory in relationships, that women only have to respect their husband and value their opinions, and how men pretty much want to bend over backwards to provide for and make their wives happy and feel valued, the first thing that came to mind was, that is how it was pre-second world war Britain, and even more so before the time of the British suffragette movement where women campaigned for gender equality. In the start of the 20th century and before in the UK, it was the mans role and responsibility to be the so called ‘breadwinner’ and go out to work and it was the women’s role to value and respect his efforts and to run the household and bring up the children, after all being a mother was is and will always be a full time job in its own right. That was until of course us western women found the freedoms that the working life can bring, during the second world war, when women went to work to fill the gap in the workforce while men went out to war.

  These days it is more common for the western girls to want to be career women before becoming mothers and wives, apparently, so I have been told that in Pakistan there is no expectation or pressure on women to be achievers, and career women in the same way as western British girls are. Yes, in some ways I do want to be like that western girl, and work hard to get the career that I want for myself, but then at the same time I am a traditionalist and I see one of the greatest of things in terms of femininity is becoming a mother, and watching my own future children grow up and give them the best that I can.

 I have also discovered a few weeks back the reasons why men treat women like they are princesses or their queens. It is because us women are the one’s who carry those children for 9 months at a time, and in great pain bring them into this world (I have heard that labour feels like having the equivalent of having 20 bones broken at each contraction, and it goes on for hours). I know first hand from professional experience how exhausting it is the experience and the journey going from a woman to a mother, and it makes sense for that reason why husbands, boyfriends and children look up to and respect the women, wives and mothers in society, because bringing children into the world is probably one of the most privileged, honoured and loved things a woman can do, and despite how far the medical profession (I hate how medicalised obstetrics and gynaecology has become, childbirth is one of the most natural and feminine things in the world) has become it still carries risk; people often have an idea of how their idea pregnancy and birth happens, but reality is, is still a process that no one has complete control over, and as far as I am concerned that is part of the beauty of it.

 Sometimes I wish that young people in the UK were way more respectful than they are now. Many youngsters these days wouldn’t think twice about it when they backchat or disrespect their elders or parents. Being a young woman of tradition and being brought up to respect my elders, including calling those who are not family but are family friends by aunty or uncle, I honestly wish things in some ways were like they used to be here, before everything changed with the ‘modern’ times. Knowing you has opened up my eyes to how rude Britain and British people can be, unfortunately including myself. Since a wife is supposed to be obedient to her husband I hate it when I end up being rude to you, and I do try my best not to do it. It is like I want to be miss goody two shoes for you so that I respect you. Even now I find myself coming to you and asking for your opinion and ideas around things that is because I actually value your opinion and ideas. Your opinion matters.

 I know I wont be and cant always be that ‘obedient’ wife that you want, and that is because I am human and it is a part of human nature to have faults and wrong doings, but it is the ability to acknowledge when as a person I do disrespect people, to be the better side of me, swallow my pride and to actually say sorry. All the same, I do want to try my best to be that person you want to spend the rest of your life with as your wife.

 In today’s western society, our idea of what a good relationship is, is a little old fashioned, backwards.  This is because we don’t really want to have this modern longer-term boyfriend girlfriend type relationship before we think of settling down, and because the roles in a relationship are similar to what they used to be here in early 1900s, with a modern twist. But I simply see it as traditionalist. I like it being the way things used to be here, and the fact is we are both ready to settle down in life. I like how it basically comes down to respect and honesty, and having no expectations of one person over another. You have already explained to me that if I want to go out to work and be that modern girl you wouldn’t want to stop me, and that you still see yourself as being in that role of a traditional husband. Who says that being from completely different backgrounds means that we cant find our own way through life, because I think we can. We can find our own blend of Pakistani – British life, and relationship. After all, isn’t that what relationships are? Teamwork!, (and finding your own way through) albeit with you as our team leader, and life is what you make it. Besides, we both know what we want in life, and we both know what we want from this relationship. It is because we are both so sure and want to do all we can to make this happen, is what I feel makes us so strong already, and because we both want to be there for each other.

 I know I still have a lot to learn about what your ideas of things are, and about what you want in life, and although to some people it may seem like that I am being ‘hot headed’ or ‘rushing’, I know what I want and I am happy with the decision I have made for myself. I can truly see myself being happy with you by my side.

 So now you know what I have learned over the last few weeks, about the differences in culture, and how I actually think your way of doing things may possibly even be better. I certainly love your idea of respect and being doted on. And you have most certainly taught me a lot of new things about myself, some things I already knew but were naïve to, and some completely knew, especially about what I want for me in a relationship. Before I met you I was more about having a laugh and a lark, and I still am but in a much more serious grown up way. I am done with messing around, I want to put my feet in the ground as such and make my life sorted for the future.

 Thank you for showing me my better side, and the real meaning of respect x

 Shelly x

A Tale of Two Christys

January 26th, 2017

     As we all know, The Women’s March on Washington happened on Saturday, and it was awesome even though I could not march due to work.  But I was there in spirit with my sisters who did take to the streets to march for our rights that might be taken away. But there are some ladies out there who feel this way...

I am not a “disgrace to women” because I don’t support the women’s march. I do not feel I am a “second class citizen” because I am a woman. I do not feel my voice is “not heard” because I am a woman. I do not feel I am not provided opportunities in this life or in America because I am a woman. I do not feel that I “don’t have control of my body or choices” because I am a woman. I do not feel like I am ” not respected or undermined” because I am a woman. I AM a woman.  I can make my own choices. I can speak and be heard. I can VOTE. I can work if I want. I control my body. I can defend myself. I can defend my family. There is nothing stopping me to do anything in this world but MYSELF. I do not blame my circumstances or problems on anything other than my own choices or even that sometimes in life, we don’t always get what we want. I take responsibility for myself. I am a mother, a daughter, a wife, a sister, a friend. I am not held back in life but only by the walls I choose to not go over which is a personal choice. Quit blaming. Take responsibility. If you want to speak, do so. But do not expect for me, a woman, to take you seriously wearing a pink va-jay-jay hat on your head and screaming profanities and bashing men. If you have beliefs, and speak to me in a kind manner, I will listen. But do not expect for me to change my beliefs to suit yours. Respect goes both ways. If you want to impress me, especially in regards to women, then speak on the real injustices and tragedies that affect women in foreign countries that do not that the opportunity or means to have their voices heard. Saudi Arabia, women can’t drive, no rights and must always be covered. China and India, infantcide of baby girls. Afghanistan, unequal education rights. Democratic Republic of Congo, where rapes are brutal and women are left to die, or HIV infected and left to care for children alone. Mali, where women can not escape the torture of genital mutilation. Pakistan, in tribal areas where women are gang raped to pay for men’s crime. Guatemala, the impoverished female underclass of Guatemala faces domestic violence, rape and the second-highest rate of HIV/AIDS after sub-Saharan Africa. An epidemic of gruesome unsolved murders has left hundreds of women dead, some of their bodies left with hate messages. And that’s just a few examples. So when women get together in AMERICA and whine they don’t have equal rights and march in their clean clothes, after eating a hearty breakfast, and it’s like a vacation away that they have paid for to get there… This WOMAN does not support it.

     This post was actually posted by a young woman by the name of Christy Spradlin Lynch on Facebook. But there were other Christys who did march in solidarity and here was what they had to say...

To Christy on Facebook, who doesn’t need the Women’s March

In response to the millions of women who marched yesterday, there’s a Facebook rebuttal going around by a woman named Christy. Apparently, there are quite a few women who agree with her.

The summary: Christy doesn’t need this march. Why do any women need this march? This is America, I have everything I need, and if you don’t, it’s your own fault, and marching won’t fix that for you.

Here is my response to Christy, and by association, all the women who agreed with her:

Hi Christy. We don’t know each other, but your #notmymarch post is getting shared a lot today. It showed up in my feed, thanks to a few of my friends who like what you’re saying.

In some respects, our worlds probably aren’t too far apart.

I’m going to make assumptions — and I could be wrong — but I’m a college-educated, professional mom. I live in a safe neighborhood with nice houses, surrounded by big, shady trees. My days are filled with the stuff of suburbia: My kids get a warm breakfast before school, and I go to work or the gym. I get my groceries delivered to my door. I’m a single mom and my life gets messy sometimes, but I’m grateful for everything my kids and I have and I fully understand that there are women in this country who don’t have a sliver of what I have and no matter what they do, they never will. And it isn’t because they aren’t trying hard enough.

Christy, I’m going to ask you an important question.

Besides the cashier at Target — the one who watches you swipe your bank card and walk out with your $195 worth of whatever you buy at Target — besides that woman, or the woman who stretches out of the drive-thru window to give you your grande skinny latte that you paid for with the app on your phone…. (and here’s the question) When was the last time you had a meaningful conversation with a woman whose life isn’t pretty much like yours?

Take all the time you need.

You said you were being made to feel like you’re a “disgrace to women” because you don’t agree with women who marched yesterday.

That’s a clever opener to get a boost from the girlfriends who might be on the edge of feeling the way you do, and were waiting for someone to say it so they could agree with you. It’s like saying, “I know I’m fat and ugly,” so your friends will rush to your side to reassure you that you’re not.

You say your voice is heard. You say you’re not a second-class citizen. So what’s the problem, amirite?

Again, I’m full of assumptions here, but you feel like your voice is heard, because maybe you have no idea what it feels like to not be heard. You don’t feel like a second-class citizen, because you’ve never been one.

You feel like you have control over your body.

I have control over my body, too, so I hear ya. In fact, next week, I’m going for my annual pap and mammo. It’s covered as a well exam on my insurance. But, a few years ago, my OB-GYN recommended that I get an IUD. Medically, this was a better choice for me than other hormonal birth control, or no birth control. But the insurance plan I had at the time didn’t cover IUDs. It was going to cost $1,000. The other stuff — pills, implants — was covered 100%, but weren’t right for me, medically. I passed on the IUD and decided to just deal. Because I didn’t need the IUD to prevent pregnancy, but that’s another thing entirely. Sure $1,000 is a lot of money. I could have paid it, but I was pissed off that it was singled out as the one that had a price tag — and a big one at that. I wasn’t going to die and my uterus wasn’t going to be diseased if I didn’t get the IUD, so it was a choice I could make for myself.

Have you ever skipped an annual pelvic exam or mammogram, because your kid needed new shoes and you had to choose and hope for the best?

Not everyone gets free reproductive healthcare in this country. Have you ever stopped using birth control because the clinic in your neighborhood closed, and the closest one now is across town, and you can’t get there because you’re working two jobs and someone else in your family uses the one car in the driveway? If you’re feeling OK, putting off that exam for a year, or two, or three is almost always an easy decision when you literally have to decide how to spend the $50 in your hand and your kids need stuff.

Have you ever been sexually assaulted? Shoved around by a drunk ex-boyfriend? Felt unsafe around someone? If so, did you have control over your body then?

I don’t think this needs explaining, but maybe it does. Violence against women doesn’t know zip codes or security gates. It happens to women no matter what their life and economic situation. It may be happening in a house on your street. When women are assaulted (and this has a very broad definition), women have no control over where or how they get hit. Or cut. Or pushed up against a wall. Or followed too closely by a weirdo in a parking lot. Or when fucked with their own hot curling iron. Or dragged by the hair while her kids hear something behind that closed door and they’re crying in the next room and she’s trying to be quiet so she doesn’t scare the kids, but it’s hard to be absolutely silent when she’s sure this will be the time her husband will kill her. It’s really something you should care about and you need to understand that this is in your bubble, even if you don’t know it.

You say you can go out and get a job if you want.

You are fortunate. So am I. I don’t have to “get permission” to work (some women in this country do). I don’t have to feel like the hole that is my life is getting deeper and blacker because I don’t have the skills to get the job I want that will pay more, put more food on the table and more gas in the tank. Or don’t have a way to get to work. There are millions of women out there who desperately want to work and can’t afford the childcare. Do you know anyone who has these barriers?

You can vote.

So can I. And I always do. This last election, for the first time, I got more involved, and I spent Election Day working at a voting precinct. I was that person who checked your ID to make sure you were voting in the correct location. I was the person who gave directions to the confused elderly couple who thought they were at the right place but needed to go a couple of miles down the road. I was the person who congratulated young voters who were voting for the first time; I wanted that day to feel important to them. I checked the IDs of women who dressed up to vote because it’s a special day, and people who showed up in torn, dirty shirts and crusty work boots. I welcomed moms with kids in strollers and people pushed in wheelchairs. I was the person who apologized to the woman in a hurry, because she was on her lunch break, and I had to tell her that the address on her ID didn’t match what was in the system. She moved to this neighborhood recently, but hasn’t had time to get her drivers license updated. There’s no way she can get to her old precinct and back in the 20 minutes she’s got left, and she’s crying, because she really wanted to vote. Or the woman who ran in at 6:57 p.m., breathless and hoping she wasn’t too late. We celebrated her as the last voter of the day. She cried too.

All of these people were lucky — just like you and me, they knew they could vote. They had an idea of where they should go to vote. They had a way to get there. They had the ID that I checked against the precinct’s rolls, probably because they drive. But, just as a single example, I live in a city that’s nearly 70 percent minority, and the older women come from a time, place and culture where their husbands always drove; and they never learned to drive, never got a license. Her husband died, and she found a ride so she could vote. She fumbles in her pocketbook for something with her name on it. A Medicare card? Can I take her Medicare card? “I’m sorry, ma’am. I know, it’s a government card, but it’s not on the list of IDs I can accept.”

I turned a few others away, too. Not because they were the “fraudulent voters” we’re told hover around our polling places, waiting to cast an illegitimate vote. I didn’t see a single one of those, even in my city full of immigrants and people who live in the shadows, even though they don’t have to. I had to turn away veterans, old people, young people, I had to turn them away for a whole bunch of different reasons brought about by the fear that someone who shouldn’t vote, might try.

You say you feel heard.

I feel like I’m heard, too. Imagine, though, if you lived with any or all of the things I described above, and nobody cared, or your senator heard a lobbyist’s voice over yours and voted to cut off funding for your kid’s after school program, or neighborhood clinic, or changed a bus route that got you to work and back? Or took away your family’s health coverage? Imagine if that was your life. And nobody cared. Worse, people write about it on Facebook and declare your life as a poor choice and you should have made better decisions?

The only person who can stop you is yourself.

I feel that way about my life, too. I was raised in an environment where I was nurtured and encouraged. I’m going to guess you were, too. We take that for granted, because we were told from the time we understood language that we could do and be anything we wanted. We were never on the other side of that, where families shrug their shoulders and are a little disappointed when their daughter decides not to finish high school. Her mom and grandma never finished high school, either, College? That’s for kids who live in the neighborhoods where she’s cleaning houses with her aunt; she never finished school, either. Just like the bubble you and I live in, she’s got her own bubble, except it’s not as nice. If you don’t know any women who finished high school or anyone who’s gone to college, and if you aren’t surrounded by people who tell you what’s possible, it’s easy to think it’s not your reality.

But what about the horrible things that happen to women in Pakistan, Mali and Guatemala?

Yes. I know. Horrible things happen to women all over the world. I also ache for their oppression, their abuse, their poverty, their lack of schools and clean water. But that’s a whole different conversation. In case I haven’t made myself clear yet, there’s a lot of women right here, in this country, who need things they aren’t getting, and they deserve their own conversation.

Which brings me to The Women’s March.

I didn’t march because I personally feel marginalized. I marched because I can. I marched because a lot of women can’t, even if you don’t see them. I marched for women of privilege, women who don’t have shit, women who are raising awesome children with their same-sex partner who has to legally adopt the child that is biologically hers, and might find herself spontaneously unmarried in the eyes of the Supreme Court. I marched for women who need reproductive healthcare of any kind. I marched for the 17-year old pregnant girl who dropped out of school to sort my clothes at the dry cleaners for $7.25/hour. She has to quit when the baby comes because she doesn’t get any time off, paid or otherwise. Her next job will be minimum wage, too, because she hasn’t gotten her GED yet and doesn’t know if she can get in the night school program because she’ll need someone to stay with her newborn. I marched for the woman who was raped in college and still hasn’t even told her best friend, after all these years.

I even marched for you, Christy. Even if you don’t feel like you need anyone to march for you.

© Susan Sheffloe Speer, 2017

Check out my weekly podcast on Podbean every Tuesday at 2 p.m.!

http://fatmiddleagedginger.podbean.com

   Check out my channel for new videos every Monday through Friday!

http://www.youtube.com/user/middleagedfatass

   Become a part of my Facebook community!

https://www.facebook.com/middleagedfatassPDX

   Follow me on Ello!

https://ello.co/fatmiddleagedginger

   And check me out on Twitter!

https://twitter.com/midagefatassPDX

  Visit me on the web!

fatmiddleagedgingerpdx.weebly.com

  Check me out on Google+ too!