nine years;

i’m sorry that I couldn’t save you;

I spent nearly 2 decades of my life going to church every Sunday with people that go against everything that I look for, just like you did. I was caught off from social media for two years straight just like you were for five months. I barely have acceptance from my family of my gender identity. Just like you did. struggling with my gender, dysphoria, and keeping my GPA at 3.0, just like you did;

so how the fuck am I still alive and you’re not;

my guiltiness stretches farther than ever;

I figured out when I was trans at 14 I was able to move all of my verbally and physically abusive father after two years when I graduated horribly. During my senior year, I went through two suicide attempts. I overdosed on 14 doses of Adderall, and had my stomach pumped to save my life; I am now with my mom still not perfect, but I’m still keeping going for you. You inspired so many people Leelah. Ever since you have a street of the highway you died in named after you. you have four cities in your home state agreed to ban conversion therapy. I was barely 9 when you’re died, I didn’t even know what suicide or LGBTQ in general was back then. Now at 18 I’m an openly, trans woman, and suicide survivor that still deals with these thoughts. I fight every day for you. I’m now in my freshman year of college. I’m in therapy support group called. transbody positive:) I really wish my 18 year old self could save you. I really wish my 18-year-old self new you. I would do anything to bring you back if I could. And this is coming from a stranger that you never met. But I’m continuing to live my life forever in your honor. you deserved better. You will get better. justice. There is never enough justice. we will fight for the day where you can finally get your wish so you can rest in peace. Until then, we fight;

And you’re right, there is no win but I’d rather choose to live my life as a lonelier woman trying to take on a journey to find my happiness;

and since I’ve been with my mom I found a love interest a month later that gives me so much gender euphoria it makes me feel more of a woman that anyone will ever treat me as such. No matter how much I don’t pass or How low my voice is that I hate, I always have them to reaffirm me. I hope you found the man that you love wherever you are. I hope you’re looking down on me smiling, and even if you’re not, I’m looking up at you always;

thank you for existing,

until next time, the transgender queen of hell<3