#the way max doesn't care that el has powers or was raised in a lab... she just wants to be her friend and take care of her :( | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

arfincald · 2 years

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Feels Like You

—an elmax fic cause im on a gay breakdown

—this is made out of impulse so it wasn't well thought pls bear with me:>

—english isnt my first language so there might be errors

word count: 5,032

contains: angst, fluff, crack (?)

timeline: ending of s3 to ep9 of s4

One thing that Eleven doesn't quite comprehend is how she'd drop every significant thing that she has for a certain red-headed friend. I mean, she hated her at first? Might even be jealous due to Max's relationship with Mike, who didn't even go past platonic? And hate?

Maybe because she's grown to like Max. How she gives sarcastic but deserving remarks from those who were mean to her, and most especially mean to her friends. To Eleven. Max introduced Eleven to Wonder Woman, to the things the boys didn't have an idea of. An experience of. For Eleven, Max is a living wonder; a person to ponder at night, and a person to spend time with all daylight.

"Well, I'll wait for you to come in spring break?" Max said to El to lessen her worry. Her sadness.

Hopper just died. Gone. It was all so fresh in El's mind. So were her lost powers. Her lost capabilities. El felt like she lost not just an arm and leg, but also her heart. The person who treated her as his child is dead. It's all so heart-wrenching… and leaving Hawkins for Lenora wasn't even a part of it.

"I'll miss you." Eleven embraced Max for another time this day, but the last for the following months.

Just like Mike, Max was active with sending letters to Eleven for the first few months her family moved to Lenora. And to both, she always enthusiastically replied back. However the only thing was… it was only her enthusiasm that was constant. Eleven lost contact with Max the same way Will lost contact with Mike.

"I'm jealous of you," Will blurted out one morning while they were eating breakfast, getting ready to go to school. Something which was hell for the both of them. They've got no one but each other.

"I am jealous of those who are in Hawkins," El replied as she ate her daily dose of eggos. They could see Max… talk to Max, spend time with Max.

Will couldn't contain his laugh and so was El. Just like what she wrote to Mike from her most recent letter, she's getting good at English and grammar. Though still, she was unbeatable in Math.

The conversation didn't go on because Jonathan and his friend Argyle, came to fetch them. And like she normally would, Joyce would shout while the van drives off, saying something about Argyle's driving but ending off at the word 'take care'.

She was sweet, Eleven was always so aware of it. She was thoughtful, caring, and an empath. Joyce was the mother every kid deserves to have but still… There is something missing. Hopper.

Jim Hopper and his enormous cuddly size. His voice. His shouts. His anger which is often due to his wrong expression of care but still… Jim is all that Eleven wanted as a father. She never lost hope for her dad, that would never wear off— she's sure. The chief is a living miracle for El, despite his thought he's cursed. Eleven was well aware that not all people are like Joyce and Hopper, ready to take her in. Not all people are like Jonathan and Will, ready to welcome her in. And not all people are like Mike and Max, ready to shelter her in their deepest hearts.

Eleven is the stranger 'thing'. She was the lab rat, raised as one, treated as one. But these people… they made her feel human. Someone. One of them. A part of their friends. A part of their family. A part but still… apart.

She thought nothing had changed between her and Mike. That the distance was the only reason why their letter seemed cold. Distant. But when he came over for the break… It felt like love was never there. Like the Mike she loved and sheltered her despite his anger for Eleven's 'lying' is gone. Or at least not with the Mike she's with now.

Mike's somebody else. If she was the one who went to Hawkins, would it be the same?

"My friends… are in danger," Eleven said to Martin Brenner in gritted teeth. "They need me."

She needs them, but she couldn't say it out loud. Especially the person that first comes into her mind when she thinks of herself. It was not Mike… it wasn't from anyone within the first friends she had met. It was… Max. The person who made her try things out. The person who encouraged her to explore, to try… until she finds something that feels like her.

Max was the person who made Eleven realize that… she belonged. She feels like her.

And upon seeing that Max is Vecna's— or for Eleven, Henry's target, made her more determined to get out of Martin Brenner's grasp. Made her more angered. Whatever it takes, she will save Max. Her Wonder Woman.

Eleven won't let Henry's fingertips touch any area of Max's skin. Again. Especially now that her powers are back. Never been better. Never been greater… but for Max? Eleven will do everything for her power to be the greatest. Great enough to outdo Henry's.

She thought that Owens had a chance to persuade Brenner. But no. Martin Brenner still stood beside his manipulative reputation.

"You're not ready, Eleven," were Brenner's words that lingered in Eleven's mind. It made her doubt… because if she's unready, what help could she provide? Her answers in a Math test? Heck, she had a bad score in her last test in that subject.

Even though she's already out of Martin Brenner's grasp, probably forever now, there's still something in him that lingers in her. It wasn't just the doubts he's been giving to her. It was not just the uncertainties… it's also the capabilities he says. But he's the monster. He looked for the light in all when he's almost pure evil.

Now that she's with Mike and her brothers and Argyle, Eleven's certain that something has faded. She loves Mike, sure, but now… She doesn't know the extent of that love.

Passion.

Courage.

Love.

Red.

Max.

Home.

"Piggyback," Eleven said.

It was impossible for them to reach Hawkins, so they had to compromise. Compromise… the thing in the middle, as to what Hopper told her. Max's safety is Eleven's priority. Not going back to Hawkins. It was her help… that might provide Max the best help, or at least give them the upper hand.

As Eleven explains to her friends she's with the concept of Piggyback, all of her doubts didn't leave, but something climbed the tower of her mind. What would Eleven say to Max once she reaches her?

Somehow, amidst the tension of saving the world plus saving Max, blood rushed to Eleven's cheeks. Would Max be able to touch her? Where would Max touch her? Her cheeks? Her shaved head? Those places… Eleven also touched. She imagined the warmth of her hand as Max's, and she couldn't help but to smile.

"Are you okay, El?" Eleven got out of her reverie when Mike spoke to her while on their way to somewhere Argyle suggested.

Eleven smiled again. "I feel like me, Mike."

Eventually, they've reached a Surfer's Boy Pizza branch, and somehow, Argyle and Jonathan were able to get the crew to lend them the kitchen. It was confusing to Eleven, but just like what they explained to her before, it was all organic, so she doesn't have to panic.

"It's good, Mike!" El exclaimed after tasting the pizza Argyle made. The pizza with pineapples.

Not minding Mike's protest, she and Argyle forced him to try the pizza. Though they've talked about something deep earlier, plus the light feeling of this interaction about the delicious foreign pizza, Eleven has thought of something. Maybe… Mike and her would be better off platonic.

The skinships, the confessions… didn't affect Eleven the way that it should've. Love is a foreign feeling but… so was wanting to be friends with the person she's supposed to love romantically. A foreign feeling... that's better than anything. That deserves to be tried out.

"A Max memory."

Eleven roamed around the skateboard rink. The transition of her finding in the dark into seeing the light of California. Into seeing the eye-catching little red-hair who flipped a boy off due to his mean comment. It was so adorable. Max is so feisty even before.

Eleven's feisty red-head.

And just like her unbelongingness, she saw something. Something which is in contrast to sunny California. A glimpse of the winter Snow Ball in Hawkins.

"Every breath you take… And every move you make… Every bond you make, every step you take, I'll be watching you…"

El remembers what happened that night. The night which signifies the end of it all… or so they thought. Nothing could compare the happiness Eleven felt that night, and she thinks that she's not the only one alone with that too.

Max kissed Lucas that night.

Eleven was happy when she first heard it two years ago… but now? Her insides feel like they are burning. She couldn't find the right word, but it was infuriating her now.

And that song playing? It was supposed to be romantic, comforting, but it feels so… invading. Creepy. It was all so treacherous. Add Dream a Little Dream of Me by Ella Fitzgerald and Frank Sinatra? Maybe there are different types of hell afterall.

That's a fact. When she entered that thought, the light and vibrant California became an uncanny replica of the Snow Ball. A horrible Snow Ball. No people, cold ambiance, a winter hell, except for… Eleven's bright red-head, pinned up against the wall, gasping for air.

Max is so scared… and the need to protect her took over Eleven more than the speed of light. Eleven raised her hand as she ordered her mind to restrain Henry, or for Max, Vecna. Or One. Or Henry up in the air. Whoever that worm-eaten, burnt over, telekinetic disgusting being. Better be, devil.

"You…" Vecna said, his voice hoarse.

"Hi."

She was awestruck seeing Eleven after a long time, and her facing Vecna wasn't even included in that. Max couldn't help but to think if the Eleven she was seeing was just a fragment of her desperate mind or not. How could she be here? Have she got her powers back?

As Eleven throws Vecna over the bleachers with her powerful mind, Max feels guilty, even for a split second of the fast ascending time. She intentionally distanced herself away from her friends, from Lucas, and most especially from El. As if the literal distance wasn't enough.

Max didn't feel worthy of Eleven's help, but she was already running towards her, and Max… was desperate for help. Most of the time, Max is egocentric, she's aware of it, she was grateful Lucas could withstand it, but Eleven… She makes Max so submissive. A good type of submissiveness.

Max could even say that she idolizes El more than Lucas idolizes Kate Bush, which says something… weird. She wanted to have time to think about it… but later. It all has to be later. So that she could live. So that no one would read her letters.

Because never in Max's shitty life, would she let Eleven read that letter nor even take a peek of what's inside. That's a mental promise she made to herself just now. She wasn't ready to die, she wouldn't die. She just… can't.

"Max, are you okay?" Eleven asked after reaching Max and helping her stand up. Her hands were on her arms, something that confused Max even more.

"Huh?" How could Eleven touch me?

"Are you okay?" Eleven's hand went up to Max's cheek, checking for anything.

"Yeah. Are you…" Max reached out to touch Eleven's shaved hair, down to the other parts of her face. "Are you real? D-Did I make you?"

For Max, that's the only possible way. As much as she wanted to believe that the Eleven before her eyes were real, she's not aware if Eleven could actually touch her by her mind. For Max, it's either this Eleven is made up by her head, or another part of Vecna's deception.

Meanwhile, Eleven understands this. That's why she held Max's hands and put it near her heart, wanting Max to feel her warmth, her heartbeat, or to at least to assure her she's no foe. That even if the world turns their back to Max Mayfield, there will always be her, Jane Hopper, Eleven, ready to embrace her and shelter her in. Hate the person she hates, look out for her when no one does.

Eleven will always side with Max, no doubts on that. And she will do anything for her, either by her physical capabilities may it be weak or insufficient, or by her mental power.

"I'm real," Eleven whispered tenderly, her eyes intently gazing into Max's doubtful ones.

"How?" Max demanded.

"I piggybacked from a pizza dough freezer."

Max was speechless and eyed Eleven absurdly. Well, of course, does her statement make any sense the first time you hear it? No. "What?"

And seeing Max's utterly confused and dumbfounded expression, El tried to elaborate but the time was taken by Vecna. Rustles and clattering of objects where he got thrown echoed as he stood up, also drawing the attention of the two girls to him.

Eleven ordered Max to stay behind as she will protect her like a programmed oath, and step forward like the superhero everyone expected her to be. But no, she wasn't doing this for the honor, she was doing this for the red-head she ordered to stay behind… and to prove something. Something that she overlooked until now.

As Vecna moved his way towards Eleven, who's eyeing him— glaring at him while also going her way towards him, his menacing breaths gave Max's heart a rapid race. Not for herself now, but for the girl in front of her. The girl who's standing so bravely before her eyes. Eleven… or as Max has decided to call her, her wonderwall. The girl who saved her… not only from Vecna, but also from herself.

The memories they shared are worth fighting for, and the memories they have to make… are something worth living for. Max has to live.

"If you touch her again… I will kill you, again."

Eleven's words came out strong, confident, dangerous, venomous; fatal. Shivers ran down to Max's spine, first ever hearing someone be protective of her to this extent. She should've seen this coming since this is El; the ever passionate and protective mage, but still, the feeling of getting in this very place is… very out of place and… beautiful, wonderful.

"Is that what you did?" Vecna questioned, but no answers were spilled. "Hmm? Did you kill me? I am so glad… you are here, Eleven. This is going to be… beautiful."

Out of thin air, pieces of stakes rose up, and aimed towards the girls. When thrown, El dodged it and threw it on the side but Vecna took this as a chance to take Eleven off guard to gain the upper hand in which he did.

Max tried to help… she did, but nothing happened. It didn't change anything. But for her, at least she tried. She wanted to help El, by any means necessary, that's just all. No more reasons. Not to sustain her pride, no… Max just wanted to contribute.

As she watches El stumble down and suffer, Max just wanted for El to be free. Maybe she was being selfless, but the sight of Eleven trying hard to get the upper hand over Vecna pained Max… She's blaming herself for it, somehow. Or she was attempting anything because she was just so desperate.

If that's the sight Max will have to see, she'd just give up… but in return, for El to be free.

"Don't be afraid. Try and stay very still…"

El wasn't free. She was tangled up in vines. Choked up. Max wouldn't let him take her this way… One has to die for the other to survive. "No…"

"It will all be over soon."

Silent screams of Eleven were shouts of desperate anger. Her feelings were all scattered in her system, nothing is in somewhere, everything is in anywhere. Her tears fell off of her eyes as Max's consciousness was getting consumed by Vecna.

Their memories… will only be Eleven's.

No more comics.

No more Madonna.

No more skateboards.

No more Max.

Eleven was so near giving up… but if she's going to surrender, what's the point of regaining her powers? Of relieving her memories? Of lifting the tank? Of fighting Brenner? All of her sacrifices will be nothing if she surrenders. She will be nothing if she surrenders. She didn't fight for Max… that's the worst. Eleven's worthless if she won't protect Max.

All of Eleven's scattered feelings started to unite to become her drive. Fight. She has to fight. Max will not die. She won't die. Her wonderwall won't be wrecked tonight.

Her love… It won't end like this.

The vines around her started to loosen up while her determination to save Max soars high. And when Eleven had finally freed herself, Henry was thrown out of Max's reach. Eleven's hand is not only extended to fight off Henry, it was also intended to reach out on Max.

Her screams… meaning to express her love.

Eleven went nearer to Vecna as she continued to restrain him against the vined pillar he landed on. He continued to fight but El was giving it her everything. Afterall, she was doing this for her everything.

Henry isn't free. He was under the grasp of Eleven; the mere kid who he had hoped to be beside him as he reshaped the world for his own definition of appropriate and right. Eleven… who defeated him years before, and now was about to, in her mind, but will always be not in his.

"You… and your friends believe you have won… Don't you?" Henry asked, his voice reflecting him getting restrained.

Eleven hasn't even had her hand raised up at this point, she could control him without exerting more effort.

"But this… is only the beginning. The beginning of the end. You… have already lost."

"No," Eleven interjected in greeted teeth. "You have."

Right after, the fragments of the reality they were in started to crumple, disintegrate, fade. Eleven's eyes roamed around confusingly and all she saw was engulfing darkness. She looked back to see Henry, but he was gone too.

All that was left was… Eleven didn't know what happened next, she was transported into another place. She saw Lucas, holding… holding a familiar red-head. Her eyes started to swell as the sight of Max with her body arms and legs bent over, her eyes white with blood falling out. Max was heaving in Lucas' fingertips crying, begging for help while Lucas was looking for it too, his eyes bloodshot with his face covered with blood and bruises.

"We need a doctor! Call an ambulance! Hurry! Call an ambulance!" Lucas sobbed as he looked back at Max.

"Lucas—"

"Y-Yes, I'm here… I'm here…"

"I… I can't feel or…" Max was struggling to find words or even to find herself. She was in horror. She was totally in total darkness and numbness. "S-See anything…"

"I know, it's o-okay.. It's okay.. We're gonna get you h-help, okay? Just hold on…"

"Lucas, I'm scared," her lips quivered and continued to cry. "I'm so scared… I'm s-so scared…"

"I know, I know…" Lucas felt so horrible his cries aren't enough to express it. All that he's supposed to do was to look after Max, take care of her, make her happy, comfort her… What is this? He was given a simple task… yet he failed.

"I don't want to die! I-I'm not ready…" Max doesn't know what happened to Eleven. She couldn't leave like this… She won't leave with doubt. Where is Eleven?

But Eleven was there. She was beside Lucas. She was with Max. She's hearing everything, Max's fright, Lucas' cry, her… What does she feel? What can she do? She won't leave Max to ensure what happened to Henry. All El knows is that Henry is the least of her concern if Max is like this.

"N-No…" El whispered when Max suddenly fell silent, a tear rolled and no more followed… She wasn't moving. Max isn't moving. "No!" She shouted in agony, in pain, as she leaned closer to her chest, weeping.

Max isn't feeling like her.

Lucas tries and tries to call Max but she never answers. His tries became desperate and turned into anguished sobs, as he shaked Max's body but it never moved. She never moved. Max..

"I love you… please come back, Max. I love you…" Eleven repeated. "Max, answer! Give me anything please…"

Eleven hears Mike, Will, and Jonathan calling out for her but she has an idea, and she's contemplating if she's doing it or not. El never took her eyes off Max's body. Deceased body… but no. She was no corpse. El won't let it, but can she do it?

"No," Eleven said. "You're not going. No." She slowly reached out to hold Max's chest and closed her eyes, trying what she had in mind. Desperately.

The memories of them echoed in Eleven's mind. The start of trying new things. Of befriending Max. Of discovering herself. Of being her. Max was the beginning, the reason El tried. And now, she still does. Now, if time won't let them have new memories to relieve, Eleven will make her way. She will make her own rule.

As far as she's concerned, she loves Max. It doesn't matter if El loses her powers again from trying, what matters is that she succeeds. Max is her necessity… she tried new things because of her advice, trying new things without Max wouldn't feel like El would do. It wouldn't suit Eleven. Eleven wouldn't feel like doing so.

It would be unlikely.

As El, Mike, Will, Jonathan, and Argyle made their way to Hawkins, El had asked Mike for a break-up, with a reason she hadn't been faithful to him. Friends don't lie, is a principle Eleven holds. So why would she lie to Mike?

Eleven notices the look Will has been giving Mike. His different form of attentiveness whenever Mike says something, Will's enthusiasm… when Mike's talking to him. But she also sees Mike's obliviousness about it. How can he not see it? Is he blind?

When they reached Hawkins around two days after, they were welcomed by leaving vehicles. And when they reached the Municipal Hall, they saw the damage they were sure Henry caused. It is, however, labeled as a 7.4 earthquake.

The Wheeler's residence where they stopped. After a long time, Eleven has finally witnessed familiar faces… but no Sinclair was there. Nancy gave El a blue hoodie to cover herself up before making their way to the hospital, the place they said Lucas is at.

Eleven knows what a hospital is, she was technically raised in one, but this type of feeling, of worry, is foreign. She already knows who she'll see… but what she'd feel? It's still unknown.

Even with all of her friends' reassurances, she couldn't feel at ease. The California crew knows what she did, and what comes in her mind. It is inevitable that she'll think this incident is her fault, because just like what Brenner warned her, she was unprepared.

The monster she believes, might be right afterall.

When they entered a private room, they were welcomed with Lucas, his face all bruised due to the fight he had with a jock, as to what they told her. They shared a hug, a mutual understanding, it felt.

"She's…" Lucas trailed off, as he took a step back for Eleven to make her way in. "Just asleep. She can't see, she can't feel, but she's there, El. I don't get it, she… lost her heartbeat. Then it came back. The doctors said it was a miracle."

"She's… not in a coma?" El asked.

"No," Lucas shook his head. "Max is conscious."

Eleven couldn't help but to stare at a lying Max in awe. She has a lot of things on her, a brace on her neck and other parts of her body, and a lot of machinery beside her bed. Eleven did something… but the rest? It was all on Max. Her courageous red-head.

She sat on the edge of the bed and held Max's hand, not caring everyone's stare from her back. "I'm here, Max," Eleven whispered tenderly. "I'm real. You did so well…"

Eleven gently soothed the back of Max's hand, and blushed when she heard her speak.

"W-Where did you piggyback from, El?"

Ashamed to answer, Eleven just laughed. "Hi."

"Hi…?"

"I'm so proud of you, Max."

And Max… exactly feels like her now.

Eleven spent most of her days in the hospital with Lucas. They've formed a bond, actually. They agreed to make Max a journal so that she could catch up when she got better. Max doesn't understand the concept of it really, since she completely knows what's happening— she's conscious, not in a coma!

"Okay, next," Lucas said as he re-adjusted the static on the radio. "Steve."

Eleven was on the floor, seated on a carpet with a dark handkerchief masking her eyes. Lucas was on the sofa, writing whatever Eleven will see, and Max constantly scoffs with their stupidity. She only calls it like that, but she really appreciates it.

At one point Max was scared they might overuse Eleven's powers or something, like the fear Mike once had is now transferred to her. She tried talking to Lucas about it, but her reassuring friend told her the thing she told Mike before.

"El is the one who knows the limit of her powers, Max," Lucas said with a laugh, Max remembered. "But let me tell you something, she's really beautiful lately."

Max scoffed as she went back into reality. "This is so—"

"Max," Lucas and El both warned.

If she could move her eyes, Max would definitely roll it due to them. Instead, she just flicked her tongue.

"I see Steve…" El started after some time, and Max immediately heard Lucas writing. "On a bed. He was reading a magazine… He has no top on, he has… hairs? Hairs on his chest."

"Jungle," Lucas said with a grin, remembering something, of course it was for Max.

"He was making happy screams—"

"Yep, no, that's it," Lucas interjected El which earned him a glare after El took the handkerchief away. "I wouldn't write that, El!"

"But it was just happy screams. Max said—"

"No, it's fine," Max cutted El off. "I really wouldn't appreciate that part if I read it."

That happened several times, but Lucas and Max persuaded El not to tell Steve but to tell Robin instead. El never did so. She felt like that was disrespectful, so she never wanted to do it. All she wanted was for Max to feel belonged.

Eleven and Lucas made Max's stay more light. Lucas is a great friend… he had been a great boyfriend too, but Max feels like they were better off as friends. She felt that if she continued what she and Lucas had, it would end up bad for the both of them. But not as bad as Neil and her mom, no, just… It's a weird set-up.

But Eleven… There's always an enticing thing about Eleven. She's opinionated, she's willing to learn, she's great at Math, and very respectful. Max has never felt Eleven be disrespectful to her after they became friends. But the term friends with Eleven… is a big no-no in Max's vocabulary.

One afternoon, Hopper just left after driving El into the hospital, the door of Max's room sprung open, revealing Dustin, Steve, and Robin. All of them have this worried and alarmed expression on their face, El and Lucas both saw. They shared a meaningful stare, before looking at Max who's waiting for El to continue the story she narrates.

"What's going on?" Max asked. "Who entered?"

"Hey…" Steve nudged Dustin. "Tell them."

"I just had a theory…" Dustin trailed off.

"What theory?" El stood up from the chair she was sitting on beside Max's bread. Dustin didn't answer.

"What theory, Dustin?" Lucas repeated, his voice firm.

"That Vecna might use Max as a vessel to transcend in dimensions…"

Scared is an understatement. They all left when they couldn't handle Max's silence. Only El stayed. Lucas wanted too, but he has other duties, duties as a son to his mother. And perhaps it's great that they left, because Max couldn't process anything the theory Dustin had.

Max doesn't know what emotion she has in a certain minute, it changes drastically. Worriedly, El asked Will about it, the only person who could relate with Max, but he said that it's normal for Max to act like that. He's right, Eleven thought as she stared at a sleeping figure of Max later in the evening, who would act normally if they were in her position?

Even though El is aware that Max can't feel her touches, she still never fails to hold her hand as she tells her stories, as she greets her good morning, and she says her good night, as she expresses her love. Eleven has grown to like touching Max to express her feelings towards the red-head.

Because not all love should be noticed. Should be said. Some could be kept in the dark. It's not really wrong.

Like Eleven's love towards Max.

Like Max's love towards Eleven.

Love is a glimpse of the person who gives it. It is a part of them. Maybe now's not the time to tell it, but love… is a feeling of you. A feeling that should never be estimated since it is indefinite, nor be compared. You couldn't coerce yourself into love, especially romantic love, because the prime rule of a feeling is genuity. You explore things… until you feel something that feels like you.

#stranger things #elmax #max mayfield #eleven #stranger things ships

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