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novorehere · 11 months

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Hey all! Just wanted to give everyone a bit of a content update.

I apologize for the lack of content for the past… year. I’ve been working through some stuff, and it’s been hard for me to find the motivation or inspiration to write. It comes in short bursts, meaning I’ve been (very) slowly chipping away at multiple projects at once. I just thought I’d update everyone on how things are going and make a list (partly for myself) of what I have in the works, what still needs to be done, and what you can expect from me in the future. Admittedly these are mostly obey me fics but I DO have other things tumbling about in my brain, I promise.

Opposite Day: 2/5 chapters finished, the rest 100% planned and around 30-40% written.

I’ve been sitting on an unfinished chapter 3 for almost a year now, and have written good portions of the other chapters in the meantime. This is the project I’m most excited to finish, and I feel bad for abandoning it for so long. Rest assured, I *am* still working on it, and am extremely happy it’s been so well received.

Untitled Simeon Comfort Fic: 75% finished.

Originally I wanted this written for his birthday (which was in February lmao) but as you can see that did not happen. I’ve got the beginning and end all written out, I sort of went off the script at the end with fun purgatory hall family fluff so the only thing I don’t have written is… actually the eating part. This will probably be the first fic I actually post, seeing as it’s the closest to completion.

“A series of Obey Me Vore Headcanons” Re-Write (Title Very WIP) 2.5/7 chapters re-written

This one I don’t think I’ve mentioned on here yet. I’ve grown increasingly unsatisfied with my original obey me headcanons list that I posted last year when I first got into the fandom. A. Because I hadn’t gotten very far into the story when I wrote it and didn’t get the full scope of the characters yet and B. (Most importantly) I feel like I really didn’t do the characters justice.

Since I originally posted it, there’s been a healthy amount of discussion on depth and nuance in vore media and reducing characters to tropes, etc. I’d like to re-write this series to focus less on physical aspects and “how they eat you” but rather more of an emotional and story driven story of why they eat you and their emotions and struggles that come with it. The obey me brothers are incredibly interesting characters, and I’d like to explore them in more depth and show you how interesting they can really be and why I love them so much.

This one might take a while to complete, but it’s gonna happen at some point. I‘ll keep up the original half-finished version in the meantime since I don’t want to delete it and ao3 doesn’t allow privating fics without orphaning them. I know it’s ugly in it’s current state, just know I’m working on it and the rest of those chapters will be overhauled eventually.

“Miss Em”: 80% written (kind of)

I’ve had this one sitting in my drafts for a while now. Originally I had plans to start another multi-chapter series but then Opposite Day sort of went to shit so I scrapped it knowing it was way too ambitious. But now I still have a mostly written Mammon fic in my notes app just sitting there and it would be a shame to just…leave it. I’m not sure what I’m gonna do with this one, Maybe I’ll write the Beel companion piece to it that I had planned and just leave it as a 2-parter. Who knows. It’s really cute, and I want to share it at some point.

Untitled Obey Me mini-drabbles: 60% written

Honestly this wasn’t supposed to be a whole thing. I started randomly writing one day on a burst of inspiration and it turned into little mini “scenario slices” for all the characters and I really like how it turned out. I still need to write for two of the characters and polish up some others, but it’s a fun low-stress thing to work on in between projects. Also excited to share it possibly soon since they’re fairly short and shouldn’t take long to finish (but you know me…)

An unspecified ITWOM fanfic: 0% written, 50% planned

For those who aren’t familiar, “In the World of Monsters” is an amazing novel authored by @vore-toast that just recently received a fantastic ending and epilogue (Please read it! It’s fantastic!) And I really would like to write a little something for it to show my appreciation. I have an idea planned out, but details would involve spoilers so I can’t say much. I’d need to ask for guidance on what exactly to include since the things I would like to write about haven’t exactly *happened yet* but I’ve said too much already… hee hee. I don’t know when this fic is gonna happen, but I swear to you it will. And if my original idea doesn’t work out, it’ll be something. I WILL be writing for this series, mark my words.

Heroes Off-Duty. 0% written, ??% planned

Huh? That’s weird... That one’s not supposed to be there. Ah well, It’s not relevant anyway. Carry on.

#op #Kate says things #‘Finish a WIP or draw 25 cards’#Me with the whole deck: 😎

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cup-noodle · 4 months

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3, 5, 6, 8, 13, and 18 for the fanfic new year asks!

Alright let's go, thanks for the ask!! It got long so I put it under the cut

3. Do you anticipate writing for a new fandom this year? Which one?

Honestly, I probably will! I've only put out two fics and one original work so far, so there's a good chance of getting attacked by a fic idea for something else and writing it. Currently I've been back in the Top Gun: Maverick brainrot so it might be that!

5. Which WIP is first on your list to complete this year? Will you post a snippet?

You probably guessed this one but I'm hoping to wrap up Project Jade sometime this year (probably in summer), it's been the one I've been working on for over a year now. Although some shorter fics might happen before that if inspiration strikes. For a snippet, you can have this one from a later chapter:

Her eyes flitted over to the closet door. Inside, underneath her box of winter shoes, lay hidden the files. Had she known how much hell those pieces of paper would raise for them, she never would have opened her mouth in that hallway. Never.

They'd decided keeping the files close and secret was the best plan of action for the moment. They didn't know what else to do but hold on to them and wait until an opportunity to do some real damage presented itself - that's why they were waiting.

That's what Freya kept telling herself, anyways. That's and what she and Oscar had agreed on. But in truth, there was another thing at play. She knew what kind of power those files possessed, and she was scared shitless. They had seen first-hand the ramifications of interfering with the wrong people, and she wanted nothing more than to forget about it all. To stop worrying about who was going to drop dead next. But it couldn't be nearly that simple.

So she closed the notebook, threw a pillow onto the floor next to Oscar with his laptop, and took a seat. "Alright, what now?"

"You're the green chicken," he hurried to explain, pointing at the avatar of a neon green hen with a comically large knife in its beak. "You have the arrows to move, Q for attack, and- Hey, stop laughing! This is deadly serious," he chided, but she couldn't help but crack up too as they locked eyes. As far as distractions went, this would do just fine.

6. Which yet-to-be-started fic is first on your list?

Like I said I've been thinking about Top Gun: Maverick a lot and I've got a pretty detailed idea for a 5+1 fic about Mav and Rooster over the course of the kid's life. More specifically it's five moments when Mav has to parent Bradley after Goose's death and has no idea what he's doing, and then one time when he knows exactly what to do (at the end of the movie, unsurprisingly).

8. Is there a story idea in your mental vault that you’ve never been brave enough to try writing? Is this the year? Can you tell us about it?

At some point I'd really love to try writing something more dystopian or apocalyptic (or post-apocalyptic), I adore those kind of settings. I have some vague ideas but nothing concrete yet, and honestly I doubt anything's gonna happen this year cause I already have a big project on my hands. Hopefully sometime in the future though!

13. Aside from fanfic, are there any other fan works you’d like to try creating? Fanart, or fanvids, gifsets, or podfic?

I occasionally do some drawing and fanart, so I'd love to do more of that if I have time. Learning how to draw people has been a pain in the ass but getting better at drawing characters is the current goal. Gotta do my blorbos justice.

18. Do you typically post multi-chapters as you write, or finish it all and then start posting? Would you like to change your posting method?

I've done one two-parter and one longer multi-chapter thing, and for both I did something in between. I like to have a fair amount written for the whole thing before posting anything, and then I write the missing bits and edit chapter by chapter as I go. It does result in pretty inconsistent posting but I'm a sucker for feedback and wanting to post it helps with motivation, so I'm sticking with it for the moment.

#local woman has zero ability to be concise #but again thanks for the ask they were great picks!!#i guess these past two years i've really kinda accepted being a writer (as a hobby ofc)#while before it was just a thing i secretly did sometimes lol #so it's been good and i hope it gets even better #ask games #we write at dawn #noodle rambles

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vickysaurus · 3 years

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What if season 5 was two seasons?

So watching through season 5, I kept noticing how fast the pacing had to be with the amount plot threads there were and how often I went ‘I wish we saw more of X’. So as I’ve mentioned a couple of times, I’ve started wondering if it might’ve been better if its story had been spread over two seasons rather than one. Now, obviously I understand that kind of change would not have been in the crew’s hands and no matter what they wanted would likely have been impossible. This is not intended as a ‘they should’ve just done this’ but as a thought experiment. Would a sixth season even have worked? So I’m gonna try and figure out how season 5′s content might’ve been done over two seasons in an alternate universe. In order to keep straight how far in the seasons we are, I’m gonna number the episodes 5-1 to 5-13 and 6-1 to 6-13 for clarity.

-5-1: We’re gonna start off immediately inserting an extra episode: The Fall of Bright Moon. Rather than a time skip, we get to see the first days of the invasion and the evacuation of Bright Moon in the face of overwhelming force. Micah has to switch back into being king, Adora has to deal with losing She-Ra, Bow has to deal with losing Glimmer. There’s a major subplot about Scorpia working up the courage to apologise to Entrapta and the two of them reconnecting. Perfuma probably helps her with that. That sounds like a pretty busy episode, but I think the first two Velvet Glove scenes from Horde Prime should probably be moved to it to not just leave Catra and Glimmer hanging completely.

-5-2 to 5-4: Horde Prime, Launch, and Corridors stay mostly the same. Since I moved the first Velvet Glove scenes to 5-1 and we can probably cut a bit of exposition from Horde Prime with the addition of that episode, these episodes get a couple minutes extra, which is split between an extra Glimmer and Catra in jail scene and some more of Scorpia and Entrapta’s friendship in Launch.

-5-5 and 5-6: An extra season gives us time for worldbuilding and more of the new characters, and since I like the Star siblings I’m gonna selfishly give them a bunch more screen time. The plan to save Catra takes more preparation in this version, leading Best Friend Squad and the Star siblings to go on an adventure on another planet after Stranded, one that is under Horde occupation but hasn’t been destroyed by them. They’re there for either information or some kind of device they’ll need to get on the Velvet Glove, but end up sowing the seeds for a local rebellion on the planet. We’ll see more of that plot later on.

-5-7: Save the Cat. It’s perfect as is.

-5-8: Taking Control’s A plot, enhanced with some scenes from Don’t Go into a full episode.

-5-9: This is where Taking Control’s B plot with the chipped Etherians goes. To go with it, Best Friend Squad is going on another space adventure after a rendez-vous with the Star siblings while they try and escape the Horde. I’m thinking maybe Hordak could be one of the clones searching for them, and while he doesn’t come face-to-face with Entrapta we could see some more of his conflicting feelings building in the course of this. Just a moment’s hesitation on his part allows Best Friend Squad to escape. Catra befriending Glimmer and Bow is a major part of this episode, and it basically bridges the gap between the little overtures between them in Taking Control and Catra as a part of Best Friend Squad in Shot in the Dark.

-5-10: Kyle, Lonnie, and Rogelio only get a cameo in season 5, and that’s something I really want to change. I want to give them a ‘Lower Decks’ episode where they’re basically just trying to go about their lives post-Horde but rapidly discovering the war is impossible to ignore. I feel like we don’t see enough of the normal Etherians in general, and I think these three are a great way to show how they’re doing.

-5-11: Perils of Peekablue. However, the scene at the end where it turns out Micah is already chipped and so are enormous amounts of Etherians doesn’t happen yet.

-5-12 and 5-13: So now I need to have a big season finale happen, and unfortunately Shot In The Dark, while a great episode, is also a little too low-energy to fit the bill. So what I’m gonna do is make it the B-plot of a finale two-parter. The A-plot is set on Etheria, and is basically some big climactic business where the Princesses, General Juliet, (remember her?) and many common Etherians take the fight back to the chipped princesses, and things go well until disaster strikes and Micah gets chipped. Pretty vague, I know. The ‘Lower Decks’ episode we did sets up a lot of the plot here; Lonnie, Rogelio, and Kyle are probably involved in it. The two-parter ends with the big ‘Oh fuck everyone’s chipped’ moment at the end of Perils of Peekablueas the big season-ending cliffhanger. After that scene, we switch to Best Friend Squad landing on Etheria, and that’s how season 5 ends.

-6-1: I think An Ill Wind would be a solid season opener as is.

-6-2 to 6-10: Yeah, I’m gonna take this whole block of episodes in one go, because this is where it gets complicated. Return to the Fright Zone and Failsafe take place in this block, but it’s beyond my ability to figure out the full plot developments of this entire season. While for season 5 I can keep to the structure of Best Friend Squad’s space adventure, season 6 is gonna be a lot more freeform, and would presumably have major plot elements added. Here’s my thoughts on these nine episodes:

-The chipped princesses get unchipped earlier. They provide good heartwrenching moments, cool bossfights, and allow for major villains ranking below Prime without having to introduce new characters, but I think ultimately it does the chipped princesses a disservice since they just don’t get to show character in the second half of the season. Just compare how well we know Netossa as a character with how well we know Spinnerella. So they get unchipped over the course of these episodes and get to be with the Rebellion again afterwards. Mermista and Spinnerella get unchipped the same way as in canon. Scorpia actually gets to talk while chipped and has a heartwrenching confrontation with Catra in which she basically responds in the worst possible ways to Catra’s regrets (the same way we saw chipped Catra basically being am expression of her worst traits) and they have a fight that’s super rough for Catra, but Catra manages to damage her chip and save her. They have a better chat afterwards, and that’s when they make up and hug it out. I think Micah is the last one to be unchipped, and I might actually keep him chipped until Heart, Part 1 so Glimmer still gets that climactic confrontation with him. Now, a possible concern is that this means there’s just not gonna be enough ‘bosses’ around to fight in Heart. Solutions to this could include for example advanced robots, chipped minor characters like Huntara, Dumbface Octavia, and alien monsters. Maybe Hordak? Though I definitely want him back on the Velvet Glove’s bridge in time to give Prime his date with gravity.

-So that’s sort of the major arc, but there are several characters and plot threads that I feel could easily be an episode’s A- or B-plot in this bunch:

*Catra is mortified when she realises she caused Angella’s death and has a big freak-out over it and tries to run away, Glimmer confronts her and they deal with their feelings on the matter

*Another Kyle, Lonnie, and Rogelio episode

*A Wrong Hordak episode where he discovers his own identity and picks a name, also feat. Entrapta’s attempts to reach out to Hordak

*Madame Razz episode where Adora tries to get her help, possibly involving the Crystal Castle and George and Lance

*Sea Hawk and Double Trouble drama kids adventure where they try to save Mermista (I think Mermista vs. Sea Hawk and Mermista being unchipped gets moved to the end of this episode). These two were delightful for the little time we saw them together in Perils of Peekablue and I want Sea Hawk to somehow rope Double Trouble into an adventure.

*All the space adventures and world building I put in season 5 coming to a head when some form of space reinforcements led by the Star siblings come to help.

*And of course Return to the Fright Zone and Failsafe.

-6-11 to 6-13: Heart is now a three-parter, deal with it. Horde Prime is beaten at the end of part 2, or more likely the start of part 3, and the rest of part 3 is that sweet dénouement I crave.

So with all that laid out, let’s return to the question: would this work? I think if it had originally been written to be two seasons, the story could have easily worked for two. As is, I’m retrofitting a single season to be two, so some of the stuff I’ve added sounds rather redundant or vague. There are certainly enough plotlines and characters to make a split work, but of course those would’ve had to have been written into the plot from the start to not feel tacked on. Of course, brevity is the soul of wit, so even if two seasons had been an option, it’s quite possible a single that has too little time is still better than two that have too much.

#spop #she-ra and the princesses of power #meta #season 5

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themattress · 3 years

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OUAT AND ME: SEASON 4

Story - The story for the first half of the season is the Frozen Saga and the story for the second half is the Operation Mongoose Saga. The Frozen Saga is about Elsa from Arendelle crossing over into Storybrooke in search of her sister Anna, bonding with Emma in the process and helping her face another Snow Queen who has a secret connection to both of them, while the Operation Mongoose Saga is about heroes and villains alike searching for the elusive author of Henry's storybook so that he can give them their happy endings.

The Frozen Saga is noteworthy for being the last time that OUAT was big in the mainstream, due to the ubiquitous nature of the Disney phenomenon it was capitalizing on not even a year after its release in theaters. And despite the initial apprehension of many, it's actually the Frozen elements that are the strongest part of this story. The flashbacks tell an interconnecting tale serving as the backstory of the present-day events much like the flashbacks of the Dark Curse Saga did, making excellent use of both Frozen and OUAT's established mythology. And the present-day story is all about the unexpected yet perfectly natural bond between Emma and Elsa, and it's honestly one of the strongest depicted friendships the show has ever had. The way the two of them are further linked through the Big Bad is also ingenious, bringing about a great feeling of cohesion to the narrative.

In fact, rewatching this arc after Frozen 2, it's kind of funny how I actually prefer it as a sequel to the original movie than the actual sequel! Like Frozen 2, this arc deals with why Elsa and Anna's parents left on their fateful voyage, the discovery of a secret from their mother's side of the family, a revelation of what the source of Elsa's power is, Elsa making peace with herself while Anna learns to be more independent and ends up marrying Kristoff, and a location called the Enchanted Forest. But it does so in a way that feels more true to the characters from the original film and avoids all of the pratfalls that Frozen 2 stumbled into. There's no over-its-head political message, no sisterly separation ending, and no Olaf.

Unfortunately, there are two subplots that put a damper on things. The first subplot starts off well enough, with Rumpelstiltskin returning to his former villainous glory as he sneaks and schemes and manipulates his way through a plan to obtain the power of the Sorcerer's Hat of Fantasia fame, but it sadly fails to stick the landing in a way that matches the build-up and there end up being no lingering consequences to it when there really should have been. The second subplot is horrendous, focusing on the increasingly skeevy romance between Regina and Robin Hood while also pushing Regina forward on a ridiculous quest to find the Author of Henry's storybook. Why? She believes some cosmic rule is preventing her from having a happy ending because she was written as a villain in the book (and not because, y'know, she was actually a villain in the past), and if she's rewritten as a hero she thinks that will change. Yes, that is the absurd idea that this whole subplot is founded upon, and the fact that everyone goes along with it as if there is an ounce of logic behind it is cringe-inducing.

Sadly, that subplot ends up becoming the plot of the Operation Mongoose Saga, which on the one hand gives Season 4 more connection between its two arcs than Season 3 had, but on the other hand it's so fucking stupid. Now, whenever it's Rumple leading around his villainous team, "the Queens of Darkness", to find the Author before the heroes can, things are fun and watchable in spite of the plot's stupidity. But whenever it's Regina and Robin's continued relationship angst or a horrendous new subplot about Snow and Charming having secretly been villains in the past by causing Maleficent to lose her child, it's tiresome and insulting. The finale, a two-parter actually named "Operation Mongoose", is highly enjoyable, but it can't fully wash away the taste of what came before it....or what it sets up to come after it.

Characters - Heroes and villains everywhere, and not always where you expect.

* Remember how in Season 3, Emma had a great character arc in the Neverland Saga but then it came to a halt in the Wicked Saga until the two-part season finale finally picked it up and resolved it? And that the Wicked Saga did her dirty by building her up as the only one who could defeat Zelena only for Regina to defeat her instead? Season 4 does kind of a repeating of these problems, except this time around they are a lot more glaring.

For most of the Frozen Saga, Emma has a great arc that's essentially her and Elsa's shared journey toward self-love; learning from each other to accept themselves and their innate powers without having to always rely on the approval of a loved one. But then, after a huge broo-ha-ha is made about how Emma must be the one to defeat the Snow Queen....she doesn't, and Anna barges in to help the Snow Queen see the error of her ways before Emma can lift a finger. She isn't even the one to save her own boyfriend from Rumple afterward, Belle does it instead. It makes Emma look like the definition of a Boring Failure Heroine.

And things don't improve for her in the Operation Mongoose Saga. Her roles are being subservient to Regina in spite of the abuse Regina had thrown her way in the previous arc, being unreasonably angry at her parents for keeping a secret from her, being vilified for daring to kill a heinous villain in defense of her son, going back and forth between being a friend or an enemy to her "dark half" Lily, and being hyped as the key to restoring reality to the way it was in the season finale...only for Regina, yet again, to end up taking that role away from her. I think it was Disney's insistence that Emma be tied to Elsa and have that arc in the Frozen Saga, because Adam and Eddy clearly couldn't care less about her.

* Snow and Charming....SIGH. In the Frozen Saga, Snow is the new mayor of Storybrooke...until the Operation Mongoose Saga, where she suddenly isn't anymore and Regina takes up the mantle again. Through both arcs, Snow reaches new levels of bad motherhood toward Emma while continuing to coddle Regina, which is not touching, it's creepy. Charming, meanwhile, is revealed to have been a long-haired coward during his shepherd days and owes his bravery and swordsman skills to Anna, which neuters just about any coolness he ever had. And then, of course, there's the egg-napping subplot from the Operation Mongoose Saga, where Snow and Charming are revealed to have stolen the egg containing Maleficent's baby, transferred Emma's darkness into it while Emma was still in Snow's womb, and then sent it away in a portal. All because of some nebulous prophesizing and interference from Isaac. And this revelation means, according to the show, that they were villains all along and thus all this time have been pious hypocrites who just do things the easy way rather than the right way. Doesn't Regina look so much better in comparison to them now? Because that's clearly the intent behind this fucking writing decision. Character assassination at its finest.

* Henry sucks, Henry sucks, Henry.....doesn't suck? Yes, for most of the season Henry is lamer than he's ever been, still being treated like a precocious kid character even though Jared Gilmore has clearly entered puberty. But then he ends up as the leading character of the season finale, and shockingly rises to the occasion. It concludes with him becoming the new Author, and this marks a turning point in Henry's character that has been a long time coming, which I will go more into detail about when I talk about the next two seasons.

* This is the season where Regina officially crossed the line into Mary Sue territory. She decides that Marian's reappearance means that she is being punished for being a villain...not because she actually was a villain, but because some Author dared to write her as a villain in a storybook, and that he needs to rewrite her into a hero so that she can get the happy ending that she's entitled to. And in true Mary Sue fashion, she warps the plot and characters around her so that nobody objects to this idea and instead whole-heartedly embrace it.

Every good guy in Storybrooke fights to help Regina get her happy ending, constantly repeating that she "deserves it" and has "come so far" even as she continues to act in ways contradicting that notion. In the end, she doesn't even need the Author since she gets Robin Hood back, gets the adulation of being a "Light Savior" who restores reality back to normal, and has Emma sacrifice herself to the Dark One curse in order to save Regina and her "hard-earned" happy ending. I think the scene that best displays the problem is in the flashback of the episode "Mother", where we see Regina in the past remorselessly murder a groom on his wedding day for no good reason, then immediately go cry over Daniel's grave since this is the anniversary of his death, and then we cut to present-day Regina mention how life always "kicks her in the teeth". Yeah, I kinda think life kicked that groom in the teeth WAY more. So where the Hell is the Author who's gonna give his poor widowed bride her happy ending?

* Rumple, for the most part, is great in this season. In the Frozen Saga, we see him going back to his Dark Curse Saga roots as he plays the role of the true villainous mastermind behind the female Big Bad, dealing and manipulating his way toward one single objective - in this case being to use the power of the Sorcerer's Hat to "cleave" himself from the Dark One dagger. And in the Operation Mongoose Saga, he steps up as the direct Big Bad who leads a team of other villains in pursuit of the Author, under the promise that he can give them their happy endings. It helps that Robert Carlyle is clearly enjoying himself; that fun is infectious.

Unfortunately, there is a problem: Rumple fails to stick the landing in his last three episodes of both arcs. In the Frozen Saga, his failure to absorb Emma into the Sorcerer's Hat seems to drive him bonkers because he then rips out Hook's heart, relying solely on commanding him to do his dirty work all while ranting and raving repetitively about how when the stars in the sky and the stars in the hat are aligned, he will cleave himself of the dagger and he will kill Hook to do so, and that Hook better enjoy so-and-so because it'll be his last and blah blah blah. It's boring and silly, and Rumple's arrogance as he keeps saying it just makes his failure that much more pathetic. And in the Operation Mongoose Saga, his suddenly revealed heart condition ends up taking its toll on him and he is ultimately unable to mount a final assault against the heroes on his own, requiring the far less impressive Isaac to do so instead. The "Light One" version of him that Isaac overwrites him with manages to put up a fight, but that's not nearly as good. Rumple as the Big Bad should have gone out with a bang, not a whimper.

* Hook remains one of the best characters in the ensemble, forced to reconcile his pirate past with his heroic present in both the Frozen Saga and the Operation Mongoose Saga. In the former, his fears of regressing allow Rumple to manipulate him into servitude, which Hook ends up fighting against until Rumple rips out his heart. In the latter, he contends with the way in which he'd wronged Ursula in the past, and with the help of Ariel (whom he also finally does right by), he is able to rectify his mistake and grant Ursula her true happy ending. I'm not really a big fan of his new modern leather jacket, though. The pirate coat was iconic!

* Following such a good Season 3 performance, Belle looks like she's on track to become even better at the end of the Frozen Saga when she finally sees Rumple for who he is and dumps his ass all the way across the town line. It was a powerful scene with some great lines from Belle, and by all logic it should have been the end of her and Rumple as a romantic pairing. They needed to be done after that, with Belle now being free to develop her character entirely apart from Rumple. But of course, Adam and Eddy would never allow that, so all she does in the Operation Mongoose Saga is date a man she doesn't actually love to soothe her heartbreak, fall passed out on the floor, have her heart stolen by Regina and then have it recovered by Rumple which causes her to inevitably crawl back to him at the end of the finale. As the next seasons will show, this damaged Belle's character beyond repair, turning her into the very Stockholm Syndrome-afflicted abuse victim that stupid detractors of the Disney version always claimed she was. This isn't a love story anymore. It's a horror story.

* Robin Hood is a regular for this season in all but title, being present for many episodes in the Frozen Saga and even getting his own focus episode in the Operation Mongoose Saga. If there was any chance of salvaging this horrendously misused character, it died the moment it showed that he still desired a relationship with Regina even after learning that she was the one who killed Marian, which would have stuck if not for Emma and Hook's time travel adventure. I'm sorry, who does that!? That is not realistic human behavior! And it only gets worse when he ends up deliberately and vocally throwing away his honor code by cheating on Marian with Regina while Marian is frozen solid and could possibly die! Oh, but Marian ends up being Zelena anyway, so all's cool. No! All's not cool! Why did this show make Robin Hood into such a lame character!? It's especially a disservice to Sean Maguire, who's a smooth and funny guy in real life and the Robin Hood he plays utilizes none of his charm.

* And then we have the regular in title only, Robin's former associate Will Scarlet, carried over from Once Upon a Time in Wonderland. Of all the screwed-over regulars the show has had, none can compare with Will Scarlet. He does little of interest in the Frozen Saga except for enticing viewers with various mysteries about who he is, why he's here and what's he up to...and those mysteries get absolutely no pay-off in the Operation Mongoose Saga, where he barely shows up and when he does is mainly just Belle's new boyfriend (whom she scarcely interacts with directly!) so that Rumple can get jealous and more determined to find the Author. In the end, Will Scarlet is a nuisance who has fuck-all to do with anything that's going on in the season, leaving viewers scratching their heads as to why he was included to begin with. I can't believe that in his last speaking appearance, the show actually has him deliver the line "I warn ya, I'm scrappy", to which Rumple replies "All right, Scrappy." It's funny because Scrappy, in the TV Tropes usage of the word, perfectly describes Will here.

So, what went wrong? Well, originally the Wonderland spin-off was meant to take place during Season 2 of the main show, with the originally filmed pilot making this explicit. So Will in Season 4 was to be the Will we have after the Wonderland Saga's conclusion, meaning somehow he'd gone back to Storybrooke and regressed back into a selfish, self-esteem lacking, seemingly heartless thief separated from his true love Anastasia / the Red Queen. Highly unoriginal of Adam and Eddy, but whatever, there were still plans to move forward with him as a character on the main show. But those plans failed to materialize and Michael Socha spent a lot of time on set doing nothing, a miserable experience which he was very vocal about afterward. And what was Adam and Eddy's excuse? "It’s just, you know, there’s just so many…there’s just so many people that it’s like, it’s sometimes hard to do that story and sacrifice Regina’s story. That’s just showbiz." It all comes down to Regina. Of course.

In the end it's for the best that the confirmation of the Wonderland Saga as taking place in Season 2 never happened in the pilot we actually got, since Will's existence in this season only makes sense now if it was happening before the Wonderland Saga rather than after, thus my headcanon will always be that Will's fateful break-in to Granny's was after it closed up on the night "Operation Mongoose" ended on rather than the night of the wraith attack.

* Elsa, Anna, Kristoff, Sven, Hans, Grand Pabbie, Oaken, the Duke of Weselton, and the former King and Queen of Arendelle are all lifted from Frozen to OUAT, and for every character that required an actor they got an actor who perfectly brought the animated movie character to life. They are also written accurately as well, with Elsa naturally being the stand-out given how much she gets to do and the bond she forges with Emma. And then there are the new Frozen characters invented for the show: Elsa and Anna's aunts - the deceased Helga and the icy-powered Ingrid, who is also the Frozen Saga's Big Bad, the Snow Queen. Ingrid, played beautifully by Elizabeth Mitchell, is essentially what Elsa might have become if Anna hadn't been so unconditionally loving toward her - her mind warped by her past pain and trauma, embittered toward all normal people, and willing to cross any moral boundary to find a family and place to belong to. Her connection to Elsa and Anna is perfectly exploited, her interactions with characters like Emma and Rumple are fascinating, and her ending where she realizes the error of her ways and sacrifices her life to reverse the damage she's done is the show's most beautiful, emotional send-offs for a villain since Rumple's death.

* The Queens of Darkness are Rumple's cohorts in the Operation Mongoose Saga who also desire the Author to write them a happy ending. The initial group is the trio of Maleficent, Ursula and Cruella De Vil, and it's later revealed that not-so-dead Zelena is also a member.

Maleficent, in spite of being played competently by Kristen Bauer van Straten and having great fashion sense in both worlds, is the weakest of the initial trio, since she is saddled with the mind-bogglingly stupid eggnapping subplot. Ursula isn't actually reflective of the Disney version of the character (Regina already did that in Season 3) and is more like a dark version of Ariel in regards to her backstory. She also isn't nearly as villainous as her peers and naturally she is redeemed rather quickly and easily as a result. And then there's Cruella De Vil, who is not a fairy tale character so everyone feared how she'd come off. Well, she's not only the best of the trio but one of the show's best villains, period. Victoria Smurfit looks, sounds and moves like the cartoon character made flesh, backed up by strong writing that makes her both funny and menacing - especially the latter when it comes to her backstory, a twisted little tale that subverts the show's usual "evil isn't born, it's made" mantra HARD.

Zelena.....SIGH. Like I said before, Adam and Eddy were dropping obvious clues that she wasn't really dead at the end of Season 3, which begged the question why they did a fake-out death to begin with. Apparently, it's because of this season's twist where, with almost no foreshadowing whatsoever, Marian is revealed to actually be Zelena in disguise, having traveled back in time with Emma and Hook and then killed the real Marian in order to take her place. She's revealed to then be pregnant with Robin Hood's child (since he slept with her thinking she was Marian...therefore, she raped him) before being hauled right on back to Storybrooke prison again. It's awful writing, salvaged only by Rebecca Mader's performance.

* We get some welcome returning characters this season, including Sydney Glass, Blackbeard, Ariel, Cora, and against all expectations August Booth. There are some interesting new side characters introduced as well, such as warlord Bo Peep (yes, really), Ursula's father Poseidon played by the great Ernie Hudson, and the Sorcerer's Apprentice, keeper of the Sorcerer's Hat and the Author's boss, meaning he naturally plays a major role throughout the season. The Author himself is Isaac Heller, played by Patrick Fischler, and he turns out to be a surprise villain who abuses his powers to influence events, which an Author is not supposed to do. While I wish he didn't take over the Big Bad position to such a degree in the finale, Isaac is still a very entertaining villain, especially when he's playing off of Regina and Rumple. His sardonic and cynical attitude also make him the perfect foil to Henry.

And then there's this season's biggest waste of a new character: Lilith "Lily" Page. There are three major problems with Lily. First of all, her origin - she's Maleficent's child that Snow and Charming kidnapped, passed all of Emma's natural-born darkness onto, and sent through a portal when she was still in an egg. It's so utterly stupid. Second, she is played by a Latino actress as a child only to have a white actress playing her as an adult. How does that work!? Finally, for all of the build-up she receives, she and her story go absolutely nowhere after she is reunited with her mother. They even make a point of giving her a scene toward the end about wanting to find who her father is, and that never gets followed up on. Even worse, the next story arc is all about Emma going dark, which Rumple had been trying to make happen throughout this arc and Lily was linked to, and yet Lily, her literal dark half, ISN'T involved!? Honestly, Mal from Descendants made a better "daughter of Maleficent" character! MAL!

Atmosphere - The Frozen Saga's atmosphere is very...Frozen-y; I don't really know another word to describe it. At least whenever it's focused on the Frozen characters. The Rumple subplot gets progressively darker to the point of becoming unpleasant, while the Regina subplot is just romantic and existential angst 24/7. These atmospheres don't fit in with the Frozen one at all, which is a testament to how Adam and Eddy are going the wrong direction with this show. Once the Operation Mongoose Saga happens, the atmosphere of the show goes insane, flip-flopping back and forth between family fairy tale wholesomeness to dark and disturbing and depressing to campiness on a level that feels off even for this show.

Episode Quality - For the most part, the Frozen Saga's episodes are perfectly fine and entertaining, although stretching out the 8th episode, "Smash the Mirror", into a two-parter was a horrible idea that cost the show terribly in the ratings. The only two standouts of badness are the 5th episode, "Breaking Glass", which introduces Lily in the flashback story while the present day story is all about Emma just having to sit back and take Regina's verbal abuse in spite of doing nothing to deserve it, and the final episode, "Heroes and Villains", whose only redeeming quality is the scene with Rumple and Belle at the town line, which doesn't even have lasting consequences. For the rest of the episode, we either spend time giving the Frozen cast a rushed, underwhelming send-off, having Rumple continue to abuse Hook while none of the idiot heroes catch on, fixating even more on Regina's angst as she has to let Robin Hood leave town in order to "save" "Marian", and watching a stupid Rumbelle-based flashback introducing the Queen of Darkness trio. In short, the episode is more the start of the Operation Mongoose Saga than it is the end of the Frozen Saga, which feels like a slap in the face to the last thing that made this show relevant to the mainstream.

And the Operation Mongoose Saga's episodes....actually got a lot better on a rewatch!? Don't get me wrong, this story arc is BAD. But when you detach yourself emotionally from the show and its characters, it becomes So Bad It's Good. It's as if the entire saga is Isaac's fanfiction; after all, it truly got started in "Heroes and Villains", and that's the name of Isaac's book in the "Operation Mongoose" two-part finale. Some episodes are unironically fun: "Darkness on the Edge of Town", "Poor Unfortunate Soul" and "Sympathy For the De Vil", but the other episodes are also fun when you just embrace how batshit crazy this whole story is and just enjoy watching how these poor actors are struggling to make something out of the material, and it's just as much fun when they fail as it is when they succeed. "Heart of Gold", the Robin Hood focus episode that reveals the Marian = Zelena twist, is one I have a soft spot for, because between Mader and Carlyle's acting, the scene of that reveal is hilarious.

Overall - Season 4 is basically the inverse of Season 2. Whereas Season 2 was horribly structured but a lot of strong material in either writing or acting was able to make it stronger than the sum of its parts. Season 4, on the other hand, has a solid structure with two inter-connected story arcs, but the material gets so increasingly shoddy that it doesn't matter. Until Seasons 6 and 7 came along, this was definitely the weakest season the show had to offer. If you don't mind a So Bad It's Good quality, then you should stick with the entire thing. But if you only want something that's actually good, then just watch all of the Frozen material.

#Once Upon a Time #ABC #OUAT and Me #Opinion #Analysis

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letterstothemidnightsociety · 3 years

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CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON IS JUST THE WHOLE MOOD FOR 2020, CAN WE ALL AGREE ON THAT?

Oh boy, guys, it’s here. The end. The very end. Tonight, Supernatural says goodbye for real this time. Maybe. Who really ever knows. But I’m not great at goodbyes, so instead let’s go back to the very beginning. It’s Supernatural!

So I’m here, at the season finale of Season 1. Very conveniently on the same day that the show is on the series finale of Season 15. It’s like I planned it, you guys! I did not plan this.

Also, let’s take a minute to appreciate the irony of using Carry On My Wayward Son in every season finale when the Winchesters will never be done, they’ll never have peace, they will never lay their weary heads to rest. Don’t mind me, I’m just laughing til I cry.

I genuinely think of the the last two episodes of Season 1 - “Salvation” and “Devil’s Trap” - as if they’re one episode. This is because a) I think they are designed to be a two-parter and b) they’re the only two episodes on the last disc of my box set BUT I think it’s important to note that these two episodes did not air on the same night. There was a week between them and that is...rough for an audience watching in real time. But when I watched it the first time, I was watching this exact dvd disc and of course I plowed right on through the cliffhanger in “Salvation” until the literal car crash that ends “Devil’s Trap”.

This disc! Right here! That has the real soundtrack on it, UNLIKE SOME STREAMING SERVICES!

Let’s look at a couple things:

Way back in 2006 when these episodes aired, Supernatural’s success was average at best? Even though it’s the 5th most watched show on the WB, it’s averaged a little more than 3 million American viewers per episode, which at the time, wasn’t great. In contrast, the #1 show of the 2005/2006 TV year was American Idol season 1 - an average of 12.7 million viewers per episode. So it’s not exactly a winner of a show, but it’s not too far behind the WB’s #1 show, Smallville, which averaged around 4 million viewers per episode. Still, Supernatural’s fate was uncertain. “Devil’s Trap” aired on May 4, 2006, but the show didn’t get renewed for season 2 until May 18. That’s two weeks of cliffhanger limbo, and lemme tell you, that would have been a real slap in the tits if the show had been cancelled.

Even further back, though, in January of 2006, it was announced that the WB and UPN would be renouncing their independence and merging under CBS and Time Warner company into what we know today as The CW. It was a network that was frankensteined together from the only working pieces of both networks and honestly I think that was a big reason Supernatural did get renewed. The CW was in need of some kind of programming to kick off the 2006 Fall Season and they greenlit new seasons for 13 of WB’s and UPN’s established programs. For a real blast from the past, here is their list of inaugural shows -

7th Heaven (WB)

Beauty and the Geek (WB)

Gilmore Girls (WB)

One Tree Hill (WB)

Reba (WB)

Smallville (WB)

Supernatural (WB)

America's Next Top Model (UPN)

Veronica Mars (UPN)

Everybody Hates Chris (UPN

Girlfriends (UPN)

All of Us (UPN)

WWE SmackDown! (UPN)

I think my favorite part of this list is that both Gilmore Girls AND Smallville were still on the air, arguably the origin stories for Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles respectively.

However, there’s evidence that Supernatural was in less danger of cancellation than you might think. In March, around about “Hellhouse” time, Supernatural gets moved from a Tuesday air date to a Thursday air date. If you follow American network TV at all, then you’ll know that Thursday is THE day. Historically, Networks believed this was the best day for programming. Advertisers paid extra for the combination of influencing your weekend plans and also influencing you before the weekend since you’re less likely to be watching TV and more likely to be spending money. Friends aired on Thursdays. Grey’s Anatomy is a Thursday show. Putting Supernatural on Thursday would indicate that the WB had some faith in it, although it’s possible they were simply removing something else that wasn’t working in that 9pm time slot.

Ratings aside, once we get to the finale Supernatural has a good thing going, and it seems critics agreed. I think the back half of season 1 is where the show really starts to shine and take on the semblance of what it will become. This is where you see it shift from Monster-of-the-Week, anthology-style, to episodes that focused more on character - what I like to call the Feelings Episodes. That’s not to say there won’t be a ton more Monster-of-the-Week episodes, just that those are the B-story line, less important than the Winchesters-Working-Through-Trauma A-story lines. There’s also a greater emphasis on the overarching mythos and story arc of the season in the back half. This is ultimately what carries Supernatural into season 2 and beyond. Everyone from critics to series creator Kripke agreed that the episodes that focused more on the relationships and the internal struggles of the Winchesters was what really captured audiences.

And all that gooey feelings stuff really comes to a head in the one-two punch that is “Salvation” and “Devil’s Trap”.

UGH. FEELINGS.

The day of reckoning is finally here - the Winchesters finally know who they’re after, where to go, and how to kill it. Thanks to Sam’s Oh yeah! He’s got ESP!, they know exactly who’s gonna get hit next. The search is finally over, the battle’s about to begin. But it’s not just the Quest that’s winding down, it’s a bunch of character arcs that are coming to light as well. In fact, the Quest really does get pushed aside in favor of big character moves.

John Winchester, hyperfixated on revenge for the past 20 years, is finally close to resolving his grief and guilt over Mary’s death and the way he raised his kids. He tells his sons “whatever it takes” and we know he means it. This plays out in his decision to split up the team, in his willingness to sacrifice his own life so his boys have the opportunity to kill the demon they’ve been hunting all season.

Who’s fault was THAT, you piece of shit.

Sam Winchester’s own feelings of guilt and grief are also on the cusp of absolution. We see just how similar Sam and John really are, specifically in their reactions to fridged girlfriends lost loves. For the first time this season, Sam follows John’s orders without question or complaint. He doesn’t hesitate to risk his own life to kill the demon, willing to literally walk into fire for a second shot at it. Sam’s here to do whatever it takes, and it’s only because of Dean that he doesn’t.

Dean, on the other hand, is finally struggling with following John’s orders. I love the scene where John yells specifically at Dean when he finds out about Sam’s visions (watch John’s eyeline, he is NOT looking at Sam on that line)

Exhibit A, because this show has turned me into a 19YO Stan again and I hate it.

and Dean yells back, pointing out that they were in much more dire straights than death omens and John never picked up the phone, not once, not even when Dean was dying.

It’s TRUE and he SHOULD SAY IT! And seriously, John, even MEG knows you don’t answer voicemails, that’s why she calls Sam.

More importantly, Dean is not willing to do whatever it takes if whatever it takes means losing what he already has. Dean, who was so gung ho about finding mom’s killer in the beginning of the season, understands better than ever what he stands to lose if he lets his family continue on this path. It’s a real reversal of his attitude from the beginning of the show, but the about-face has happened so gradually over the last 22 episodes that it doesn’t feel out of left field.

Because that’s what you get when you put Sam and Dean together on a cross-country road trip for nine months! The two grow and change just by proximity and the sheer number of hours they spend in the car together. Over the course of 22 episodes, Dean reminds Sam why they do what they do - saving lives - and Sam reminds Dean what and who they do it for - family, safe and sound and living their best life now. John’s got his own thing going on, so who even cares what his motivations are, I don’t, hurry up and get out of here, John, nobody likes you.

That being said, “Devil’s Trap” starts with a pretty ruthless Dean performing an exorcism on Meg. He’s not dicking around this episode, and based on the fight he has with Sam in “Salvation”, it makes sense. Dean won’t do whatever it takes just for vengeance, but he will do whatever it takes to save someone, especially if those lives are his brother and his father. You could even extend that motivation into his decision to exorcise the demon and essentially kill Meg Masters - she may be dying, but she’s been saved from being a human meat puppet and unwilling participant to any number of evil things.

In other news, Bobby Singer is a National Treasure and the Best Part of this Episode and Maybe All Episodes. He doesn’t have a lot going on in this episode, he’s just amazing and I love him forever.

I had to pull a still from the episode because lookit this glorious mullet that he loses immediately, thank GOODNESS!

After getting a reality check from Dean in “Salvation,” Sam’s still struggling to figure out where he is on this spectrum, and you get to watch him make that decision in real time. He has the choice to be like John, to do whatever it takes to kill the demon, even though that means killing his own father. And he does not hesitate to aim when John tells him to shoot to kill, and that says a LOT.

But it’s Dean who convinces Sam not to lose himself in this fight, even when he’s so close to winning it. It’s Dean’s tiny little “Sam, no!” that makes Sam put the gun down, and that ALSO says a LOT.

It also hits me right in my heart meats, just OOF.

And THEN, just when you think the Winchesters are at their lowest, beat to shit and barely holding on, THEN the show delivers its final blow: they crash a semi into the Impala.

Listen, I watch a lot of garbage, and I watch that garbage on purpose. Sometimes, that’s just what you want. I don’t rate movies and tv shows on a good to bad scale anymore because some bad movies are GREAT and some good movies are just really terrible and I don’t like watching them. I’ve started talking about movies and tv in terms of whether or not I enjoyed them. Does it spark joy? Will it spark joy in others?

My legitimate reaction to anything that looks like a dumpster fire.

I enjoy Supernatural. A LOT. And maybe it’s just because my calibration settings are off, but I’d also argue that this season is good. As in, it’s well-crafted, satisfying and (mostly) logical storytelling. Is it perfect? No. It’s a show that aired on the WB in 2005. And when I watched this for the first time in 2008, I didn’t dig too deep into character arcs or story structure, I just liked watching two hot guys fight ghosts and sometimes cry a little. Twelve years later, watching it with a more experienced eye and a more refined palette - er, well, maybe just more educated palette - I can see the skill that went into crafting this 22-episode long story.

Well, skill and and a little bit of sheer dumb luck. Cuz remember when I said that Kripke and Co. figured out that the Feelings Episodes ended up doing better than the Monster-of-the-Week episodes? That wasn’t until after they realized what a gift they’d been given in their two leads. It was the chemistry between Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki that both sold the show at the outset and built the foundation for seasons to come. Viewers cared about the show because they cared about the characters. They wanted to see these two beautiful dumpster fires struggle and overcome their internal battles way more than their external ones. If you need proof - I did not once talk about the Yellow-Eyed-Demon motives or plans from this episode. I barely even mention the quest, unless it’s in relation to how the characters are handling it, emotionally, and how that’s impacting others around them. When you come down to it, Supernatural is a show about a family struggling to survive just as much as it is about two guys saving the world, and that’s something that any audience can relate to. I’m never gonna perform an exorcism or face down angels and demons to stop the apocalypse. But I am gonna struggle with insecurity and doubt, grief and anger and family drama. That’s the human element. That’s what connects you to these characters. And when you’re lucky enough to have two lead actors that really sell the hell out of the family dynamics, you're setting up for some serious television gold.

Fifteen years after this season aired, both of these elements - the story-crafting AND the luck - are more important than ever. No matter what show you’re watching, when you get to a season finale, that finale needs to feel like a set of dominos tipping over. It needs to feel like you’ve set up for that final confrontation both externally (the quest arc) and internally (the character arc). It needs to feel satisfying and motivated when those dominos finally fall. Most importantly, you need to make sure your audience cares about why they’re falling in the first place. Who cares about anybody’s arc if you haven’t built that character connection with your audience in the first place?

For a TV show looking ahead to season two, all that resolution also needs to ask more questions. It needs to propel us through one conflict and into another. That’s what the finale of this season does. It threads the needle into that sweet spot between conclusion and new beginning. Will our heroes live or die? Will the yellow-eyed demon be defeated? What’s next? And on this side of 2020, how did they keep that momentum going for more than a decade?

I can’t think of any current show right now that I would follow for 15 years. Hell, I didn’t even follow this show for 15 years. But the longevity of Supernatural means that they’ll be the template for any show looking to last even half as long as they did. And no matter how you feel about this show, you’ve gotta admit that’s heckin’ WILD.

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mrsspidermanmaryjanewatsonparker · 6 years

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Amazing Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows Vol 2 #10-12 Thoughts

Previous thoughts here.

Even though issue #10 is a done-in-one and issues #11-12 two-parter, to all intents and purposes the three issues form a three parter, issue #10 acting as a kind of precursor to the latter issues.

First things first the elephant in the room to address is Ryan Stegman as the writer and by extension the artists filling in for him.

Whilst neither Stockman nor Level are the measure of Stegman, they both do respectable jobs, with Level’s art in particular being a better compliment to Stegman’s. This isn’t to say Stockman’s art is ill suited because like in issue #5 his style excels at expressive almost Rugrat looking child characters and issue #10 features one such character as the lead.

Stegman for his part, whilst he may be working off of ideas leftover from Conway, does a surprisingly good job. There are some problems with issue #11-12 I will talk about later, but issue #10 is great and over all his dialogue, pacing and handling of the characters is solid, shockingly solid for someone who I do not believe has much (if any) writing experience. This applies to his writing contributions to issues #8-9 too.

His work is not as layered or as nuanced as Conway’s but it’s still good, still cuts to the heart of this series (family) and still delivers on the emotion when needed.*

This arc as a whole provides a decent enough wrap up to the over all subplots across the series and the 12 issues as a whole did a good job in the pacing department.

I despise decompressed storytelling but RYV up to this point has handled it really well. The first 4 issues were the guiltiest in this department but their style of pacing was justified. Beyond that it’s been done-in-one stories or else two parters or in this case a pseudo three parter. This keeps things nice and breezy and makes you feel like things have actually advanced quite a bit since issue #1.

Of the three issues though it must be said issue #10 was the strongest and most interesting.

I said back when I covered issues #8-9 how I appreciated that each story across the series was mixing up which characters get the focus (last arc being Peter and more noticeably MJ) and that continues here. Whilst technically Normie is the lead character of issue #10 it’s Peter and Annie who’re the Parkers getting all the focus here, and it’s adorable.

This is something we haven’t seen before outside of that back up from issue #1 and it’s nice to call back to that (along with the fact that Peter pumps Annie full of sugar when MJ’s away). The clever part of the story is how the focus upon Peter and Annie is complimented by the Lizard and Billy’s opposition to them. This recalls Mr. And Mrs. Spider-Man #1 from 2009 but also emphasises the key point of this story: Normie’s loneliness.

The whole issue is an exploration of Normie, his attempts to live up to his father and grandfather’s toxic legacy and how that quest and their absence in his life has left him alone and unprepared. He thinks he’s grown up to cope with the challenges facing him but he is still ultimately a sad little boy who misses his family.**

In particular in this issue and the next two Normie’s problems are highlighted when contrasted to Annie. Annie expresses gratitude for having a loving family like Normie lacks, calls out Normie on the depressing state of his young life and behaves (comparatively) more like a real child of around their age.

But it is also Peter’s treatment of him with small sympathy that highlight’s Normie’s childishness and pitiful emotional state. We see his anger is born less from a desire to honour his legacy, or even plain old revenge but more a childish anger about just not having his parents (specifically his Dad around). And Stegman and Stockman just sell it!

You see the shades of Norman and Harry’s vendetta cropping up in him but just from a different angle. This permeates through the arc actually and both directly and more subtly recalls DeMatteis and Buscema’s Harry Osborn arc from the early 1990s.

It’s not just fun or coincidental references either it taps into the idea of how family legacies can be toxic which is contrasted nicely with the family dynamic of the Parkers.

This comparison and contrast between the Osborns and Parkers deepens in issues #11-12.

The most obvious example to bust out is the one already drawn (but done better here imo) from the Venom arc. That of MJ and Liz Allan both being mothers who will go to extremes for the sake of their children, with their confrontation in this arc being pretty juicy.

But we also see it in Peter’s protectiveness over Annie too. In another potentially genius call back to Spec #190 by DeMatteis and Buscema (and possibly RYV vol 1 #2), a rage fuelled Peter beats the crap out of the Rhino due to him threatening his family. This is both a realistic reaction for a parent to have and also very true to Peter’s established character in both RYV and the 616 universe, and something not displayed much in RYV vol 2.

In a way this arc marries (if you pardon the pun) the kind of extremes Peter was shown to have regarding Annie from vol 1 with those MJ had been given in vol 2 as the story shows both becoming aggressive in pursuit of rescuing Annie.

In having Peter hunt down Annie, Annie confront and attempt to redeem Normie and MJ get to the bottom of her Venom situation with Liz, issue #11 does a great job of closing out the over arching story of volume 2 by having the Parkers all equally be the focus. Issue #12 kinda does the same thing by involving the X-Men and similarly the use of a Regent power draining mech helps tie-back into the original RYV.

Issue #12 in regards to balancing out the family has a few more mixed results, but it depends what you want out the conclusion.

The story again provides us with a nice change up in the dynamics as it’s more Annie and Normie’s story than it is Peter and/or MJ’s. So it’s something different, but for a wrap up arc maybe having the Parkers fight all together was more thematically appropriate.

It certainly isn’t poorly done though. Annie comes into her own, Normie is believably redeemed and the story has a great message about how words can sometimes win out over fists.

There is also a great twist (kind of) in having the background character Ms. January wind up as the main villain, allowing for Normie to be redeemed and allowing him to break the Osborn Curse of which the arc is named after. It also ties back into the theme of family as Ms. January’s actions stem from a kind of motherly instinct towards Normie.

The action is pretty decent as are the stakes.

Giant robot = Bad.

Giant robot vs a powerless Spider-Man and Mary Jane = Very bad

Giant robot vs a powerless Spidey and MJ whilst it also has the powers of four of the X-Men = How ARE they gonna get out of this one?

Speaking of the X-Men, the arc handles them in a way I appreciated. Not only does their presence recall RYV #1 but it also ups the stakes whilst not allowing them to take away any of the spotlight from the Parkers.

Specifically Annie who comes into her own as I said and this then leads into a pretty organic transition into the new 8 years later status quo.

So...all great right?

Well...not exactly.

Let’s put aside how the Goblin mech having the X-Men’s powers was somewhat underutilized. Let’s put aside even how as I said it maybe should’ve been better if all three of the Parkers were involved in bringing down the threat.

Let’s instead talk about the three big elephants in the room.

Elephant #1: Venom

When I finished RYV #9 even though MJ was still wearing the symbiote I presumed that she’d beaten it and was going to get rid of it. Seemed like the obvious and natural ending to that arc right?

Right...except that didn’t happen.

I was truly surprised when I saw MJ in the suit during this arc. It got me thinking her absence and trip to the hospital in the prior issue made more sense.

But narratively it served little purpose here. It gave MJ something to do in issue #11 I guess but equally MJ could’ve gone to confront Liz without the symbiote simply to learn why Liz had done what she did.***

So why did MJ keep the costume? My suspicion it was purely to justify her still wearing it in Venom-Verse and thus milk MJ in the suit more given how the marketing department (or whoever) were the people who pushed that onto the series in the first place.

It wouldn’t be much of a problem if not for the fact that it’s disposed of so cheaply and easily in issue #12 and you have to No. Prize why she couldn’t have gotten rid of the suit earlier.

The Fantastic Four were mentioned in issue #10 and since they were the guys who got Peter and the symbiote separated in the first place you’d think this wouldn’t be a problem. The ONLY explanation I can dream up (and this isn’t present in the story mind you) is that the symbiote was altered somehow by Liz to be resistant to fire and sonics, hence why in issue #9 MJ punches a flamethrower or something with no problem.

Elephant #2: Ms. January.

Conceptually a background character turning out to be a villain in a twist is great. Problem is we never learn why.

At first it seems like Ms. January just cares for Normie that much but not only is this an offhand motivation in the first place but more poignantly Harry (not Normie) is brought up more than once by Ms. January in issues #11-12.

So it has something to do with him but we never learn what exactly.

She just switches on everyone, goes nuts and it’s because of Harry.

????????

I think this is an example of Stegman being an artist more than a writer tripping up, it may well have been Conway’s original plan for Ms. January to be the final boss but he hadn’t fleshed that part out and Stegman just plugged it in.

Elephant #3: This arc takes waaaaaay too much stuff from Spider-Girl.

I love Spider-Girl. She is my second favourite Spider character behind Peter himself. Her series was a triumph and an underrated all time classic.

And one of the key parts of that series was Normie Osborn being a sad lonely young man self-destructively trying to live up to his father and grandfather’s legacy as a Goblin, and avenge what he perceived as his father’s death due to Spider-Man. The subplot wraps up in Spider-Girl #27, my favourite issue of the series, in which Spider-Man’s daughter is captured and at the mercy of Normie, calls him out on his BS, expresses sympathy for him and with kindness talks him into changing his ways, finding redemption and becoming an ally to her.

Sound familiar?

Here is the thing, putting aside how Spider-Girl did it better, there is nothing wrong with repeating the same ideas to an extent.

But it is the fact that they repeat the redemption part and the manner in which it happens that is the problem. No Normie isn’t borderline suicidal in this story but he’s still on a path to destruction and still has Annie at his mercy and she still is the one who redeems him.

It would’ve been a better take had it actually been Peter who talked him down.

The comparisons to Spider-Girl are not helped by many fans feeling RYV and Annie supplanted Mayday in certain respects and more poignantly that from here on in the series would be borrowing waaaaaaay too many elements from Spider-Girl, starting with the epilogue to this issue where Annie becomes a teenager.

So...in a lot of ways this arc had the weakest writing of RYV up to this point, but I think it’s strengths in spite of it’s weaknesses combine to render it stronger than the X-Men arc and thus only the second weakest arc of the series thus far. In particular I have to commend them for making so much of it work as they did in spite of Conway leaving.

I doubt I’d be complaining this much had I read these at the time of their release though simply because back then these would’ve still been infinitely better Spider-Man than Slott’s clownshow.

Were I to give issue #10 it’s own grade it’d be an A-.

But the 3 issues collectively get a B-.

Good, worth a read but very flawed nevertheless.

*Which is very damning when you consider Stegman, an artist, was a better Spider-Man writer in 3-5 issues than Slott was across 10 years.

**Also the story explains why Normie seems more intelligent than he should be, it’s because of the Goblin formula which helps resolve what otherwise would’ve been something of a contrivence.

***Speaking of which how did Liz know Spinneret would’ve taken her bait about the symbiote? Not saying there is NO explanation but we don’t really get one ever.

P.S. How the Hell can this random orb contain Peter’s powers? His powers stem from being altered on a genetic level!

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silverducks · 6 years

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Avengers: Infinity War

Such an amazing film, but we already knew it was the first of a two-parter. So, what happens next?

Basically, the question I’ve been asking ever since the credits rolled and me and my friend were theorising the whole walk home.

Here are our ideas, completely full of spoilers, so beware.

Ok, so whilst we knew some characters were gonna die, clearly too many characters died, or dissolved as I call it, at the end for it to be just left that way. Especially as Marvel has already said they’re doing another Spidy film, and he got dissolved too.

And the MCU is there to make money after all – and for that they need a few more characters left alive. Then there’s also the very quick killing off of all these characters – they would take their time and spread them out, if they really were going to stay dead.

So, there’s gonna have to be some sort of reset thing to bring them back – the dissolved characters at least. And it’s interesting that all of the original Avengers survived – maybe even Hawkeye will come back. The dissolved characters were the new characters, although a couple of the new characters also survived, guess to help them along.

So, I think this is gonna happen, the bare bones of an idea is all it is, no idea about the comics or anything. But it’ll help keep me going for the next year I’m forced to wait to find out what happens.

So, that call at the end that Fury made (in the post credit scene), was most likely to Captain Marvel, which will be covered in her film out next year – probably at the end, so it finishes on it. I don’t know much about Captain Marvel – I’m deliberately waiting for her film – but she is meant to be in the next Avengers and her film conveniently is the one just before Avenger 4.

So in the next Avengers, Avengers 4, she comes to Earth and helps the Avengers find and defeat Thanos. Nebula and Iron Man find a way to join the others too, either Captain Marvel helps them get back, or they make it back on their own.

After they’ve defeated Thanos, they use the Time stone to go back in time – right to the moment Thor came bursting in on Thanos. Only this time, he goes for the head, not the heart, and kills Thanos right there and then. So this resets time and everyone who got dissolved will no longer be dissolved. But this will make the first film still relevant, because it won’t all be reset, just the very end, and can take a good proportion, maybe even all of, the last film. I guess depending on where they go with MCU phase 4, will depend on how much “cleanup” and conclusion to the different characters they need to do at the end of the film.

So, that deals with the dissolved characters, what about the other ones who died? Well, I’m going to say that Vision will probably stay dead. I like him, but I don’t think he’s a big enough hitter to bother bringing back.

As for Gamora, well, her death really surprised me, because I was sure they’d make a GotG 3, which wouldn’t be the same if she stayed dead. So I wonder if, because she was “sacrificed” to get the Soul Stone, they can use the stone, maybe with the other stones, to bring her back after they defeat Thanos. If maybe her soul is trapped in the stone or something and maybe she becomes more a machine, like Nebula… Otherwise, if they do make a GotG 3, it’ll be very strange…

As for Loki – well, I’m absolutely gutted they killed him off. He’s my favourite MCU character and I really, really hope they find a way to bring him back alive. I don’t care if he fakes his own death yet again, he’s too good a character to just leave dead.

Ok, I admit that having him actually die this time, trying to kill Thanos and help Thor, is a pretty fitting end to his redemption arc. And that perhaps killing him now stops any yoyo-ing they may be tempted to do in the future where he’s good, then bad, then good, then bad etc.

But, I don’t care, I want more Loki in future films! I want him fighting side by side with Thor and helping the Avengers and rebuilding Asgard. He’s just such an interesting character and such a good side character to Thor. Thor won’t be the same without his brother either tricking him, or helping him.

Which brings me on to the next point – what happened to all those Asgardians? Are they really all dead? It seemed like it, that Thor was the only one who survived all that floating around in space. But then that makes Thor’s end game story really, really tragic. He has nothing left, his family and friends all dead, his homeworld completely destroyed (and one we as an audience have grown to care about). And his birthright/character arc of being king is kinda dead in the water with no subjects – all people he failed to protect in his time as their king. And makes the whole “saving them” at the end of Thor 3 completely redundant. And are they really just going to completely wipe out Asgard and its entire civilisation and realm? So whilst they might save Earth, it’s a small consolation for Thor.

That would mean that any future Thor films – and I was kinda hoping there would be more – would be very strange with this outcome for him. Where would you go with his character arc now? And it’d be hard to make the film anything but depressing as hell. Of course, they may not make any more Thor films, and they may even kill him off in the end, but I’m really, really hoping that doesn’t happen. That Marvel decide Thor’s too big a character and will make them too much future money to just kill off, or leave with such a depressing outcome. Whether they do any more Thor films or not, I’d’ve thought Marvel would still want him around to use again. But then, it was the Thor franchise that got me into the MCU, so I guess I’m a little biased! It’s what I’m most concerned and paranoid about in the all the MCU films! And I was kinda disappointed in Thor 3, so really, really want more Thor films to make up for it.

Of course, another possibility is that this “reset” of the time frame goes back to the ship and we don’t have all the Asgardians die off. That would fix Gamora dying too. But then, as that’s pretty much at the beginning of this film, it will kinda make this film feel a bit pointless. And they still have to then defeat Thanos again. Which is why I’m betting the reset point will be Thor putting that new axe of his to good use against Thanos. The whole, “should have aimed for the head” feels like a hint, tbh.

So, I’m hoping that distress signal was picked up by a few more ships – that more Asgardian’s were saved and, hopefully, Loki among them. Maybe up to one of his old tricks, because, whilst he was acting for the greater good, thinking he could get away with just stabbing Thanos feels a little stupid for the God of Mischief!

Of course, there’s a whole other film for yet more characters to die, but I’m guessing with this “reset” that’s kinda needed, any deaths in part 2, will be reset too.

At the end of the day, I guess it depends on what Marvel has planned next in phase 4. But, they will still want to make money and still need to make films. So I’m hoping they don’t permanently kill off any more major characters – and bring Gamora and Loki back!

But seriously, why must we have to wait a whole year! I need to know what happens now! Going to be so hard to avoid actual spoilers too – even the cast list will give the game away!

I say this a lot now, but darn you Marvel!

ETA Read there is going to be a GotG 3, so Gamora will most likely be coming back. Either in Avengers 4 or GotG 3, so that's good.

As for Loki coming back... I thinking that depends on whether we get another Thor film. If we don't, they don't need to bring him back, so his honourable death will be a good end to his story. If they do make another Thor film, I'm guessing they will bring him back, or at least strongly hint at it. A Thor film with no Loki would be strange & there would be more scope for a story with him then. A reason to bring him back.

Guess I'll just have to wait and see. I doubt even Marvel have got it all decided yet.

#Avengers: Infinity War #Avengers Infinity War #Infinity War #Avengers 3

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geek-gem · 7 years

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My Continuation And Talk After The Sonic Movie Post

So I forgot to put Tikal's tag below it and I just did. But also it reminded me of that I guess when a friend of mine messaged me when I put talk. Because I was making this then she replied of how I was doing again. Which means this is my second time.

But okay major spoilers for anything yet just my last post. I just took a shower and the last post I discovered theirs a length of how much you can write.

Yet holy crap guys. Seriously what the fuck. I actually wrote all of that and when I was in the shower remembered it's the 10 anniversary of Sonic Rush Adventure and the official Sonic Tumblr blog made a post referencing that. I feel like mentioning that because I mentioned Blaze in the last post and tagged her too. So in a way some what of a celebration sorry yet just....

That was my fan fiction and I was gonna talk about how the fuck could you put the stories of both Sonic Adventure games into one.

Including my huge liking towards BVS Batman V Superman Dawn Of Justice and just...

It's basically Sonic Dawn Of Justice. Including Shadow is basically a mixture of Batman's character and Superman's character a bit. Because the whole concept of his character.

Along with I just....I was listening to some songs mainly some other versions of, "This Is My World" from BVS and how that film is basically the reason why I came up with the idea imagine putting well mixing the stories of Sonic Adventure 1 and 2 into one and just....

Even the death of Shadow and I call it that normal to smile only a little stop it just a little.

Yet I wanted to share that because with my mindset is off of Sonic right now. Including the last story trailer the Japanese one for Sonic Forces really put me off I have not listened Infinite's theme since that day I've seen the trailer. Including I've been thinking about other games such as Injustice and the DC universe, the Mortal Kombat franchise and Killzone 1 and 2 been playing those two games and how I've gotten really better with those games.

Despite mentioning I've finally took out the Sonic OVA DVD out of my PS4 so I can play Mortal Kombat XL.

Really just...I honestly wanna see so many of my favorite characters on the big screen. Also the exuse of Sega and Sonic Team would quickly put Shadow in the sequel Sega has learned their lesson of rushing shit out. I'm sorry to sound stupid yet...just the idea of so much shit going on in one movie. Because even I feel like I don't want to wait for Shadow's appearance in a movie so how about we risk this shit and combine the story of Sonic Adventure 2 with Sonic Adventure 1 and that is fucking insane.

But also because the themes and some other things I noticed in both games are similar. Such as Shadow and Chaos of how their characters are in a way.

Also this mixture of an idea of Chaos's first appearance in Station Square mix it with Shadow's first meeting in some what San Francisco well Shadow's first meeting with Sonic did mention that to a friend okay to smile.

But just no it doesn't suck my head says random shit.....just the idea is insane. Along with.....it's basically my fan fiction such as the idea of Super Sonic, Super Shadow, Metal Sonic, and Perfect Chaos fighting the Biolizard and the death of Shadow is such a big moment that I wanted it to have a lasting effect and how it goes with the movie.

Also I think I'll just mention the death of Shadow seriously as a joke despite like BVS very much imagine Superman before his again major spoilers but his death in that movie and Photoshop Shadow's head whether Super Shadow yet keep imagining the head of Shadow from pointing pose from Sonic Adventure 2 let me look.

http://en.sonicscanf.org/gallery/shadow-the-hedgehog-5/sonic-adventure-2-3/ okay so it's his running pose I was getting confused. It's mainly that I guess. Maybe I'm imagining things but I don't know I just wanna make this.

Including the idea for the sequel is mixing Sonic Rush and Sonic Lost World and adding Marine The Raccoon but maybe some elements of Sonic Rush Adventure in there with the rebirth of Shadow.

Where it's a visual reference of his return where's he standing on some pole with two Chaos Emeralds in Sonic X and how he can't remember who he was yet everyone tells him who he is he even see's the memorial and other stuff. It's better then the Deadly Six take advantage of his amnesia. He doesn't know if he should even try to defend the Earth and people question his existence now.

Because they find out in a way Shadow did die. Yet he was in some death like coma where his damage was so brutal it took a long time before he could break out of his grave. Basically he was slowly healing and the damage was just much it took a long time. Along with using all four of his inhibitor rings he used so much power he needed to recharge.

Including trying to and with help from others remember that he made a promise to Maria yet because of his amnesia can't have much of an emotional connection or just...he wants to help yet his other side such as his dislike for the planet comes back.

But because of others and including with the Chaos Emeralds he remembers everything now. Which he then realizes it's not just a promise he made to Maria anymore still he's keeping the promise to Maria. Yet he's basically found a new family and a new home to protect including when he meets Zavok who represents everything Shadow despises and this awesome fight scene between Super Shadow and Zavok and Zavok being very powerful on his own.

Basically even a reference to I never read the comic it was a old Sonic Universe one focusing on Shadow dealing with a new type of Black Arms such as one called Black Death yet not based upon it but... basically going a bit quick and what should of happened in the games in a way. This development of Shadow where the others tell him what happened yet he wonders about his place now and trying to remember despite having help and then remembers what he's supposed to do now.

On a silly note Sonic Adventure 2, Sonic Heroes, and Shadow The Hedgehog are kind of like a Shadow trilogy.

Yet I honestly had a problem like other people have mentioned about how the games treat Shadow when he returns. I will say I don't mind and like the Black Arms. But I just really don't like the...maybe they didn't have to be fully deep in his origin and really I hardly have plans for them but easter egg references are always nice. Maybe such as Gerald found a dead Black Arm and put it into Shadow's blood making him in a way related to the Black Arms. Instead of the idea Black Doom helped Gerald create Shadow. Well I meant mixed the dead Black Arm's blood with Shadow's blood is what I meant because their was some things that could help Shadow.

This is very weird. Including just...will say Red's, "The Ever" was a song I listened to. It's been a while along with, "A Beautiful Lie" and, "Fight Night" before I started writing that last post which were tracks from BVS.

Think I'll leave the tags like that ohhh

Well I remembered when getting the tags down of having the Deadly Six in the third movie because to build up to Sonic Forces as a two parter with a Sonic Unleashed movie as the fourth movie. From what just...yeah first movie is Metal Sonic Jesus I'm rushing shit I'm sounding...okay another friend of mine messaged me. But I'm sounding hypocritical.

Including people like Blaze and I put her in the third movie. Okay no offense don't put me in charge of these Sonic movies. Oh my random head no it can't suck just...meh and yeah build up to Infinite oh yeah mentioned his theme lol it's okay to smile. Got tags done lol just...I wanted to share this lol

Just chill out is okay to smile sorry other shit I forgot or just if that is all I don't know again o wanted to share this

#sonic adventure 2 #sonic movie #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #sonic adventure #sonic rush #sonic rush adventure #sonic lost world #metal sonic #perfect chaos #chaos #blaze the cat #zavok the zeti #marine the raccoon #sonic unleashed #sonic forces #sonic infinite #infinite sonic forces #infinite

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cripplinganxietyflix · 7 years

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I saw Alien: Covenant.

I’m starting to notice a trend in a few of my reviews where I tend to clarify something about myself or my expectations in relation to the film I’m talking about. I guess I do this in an effort to illuminate certain things about why I like something or why I hate it in a way that maybe otherwise wouldn’t be evident from my words.

So let me start off by saying I’m a pretty devoted fan of the Alien franchise. I have Xenomorphs all over my office, I’ve owned several HR Giger yearly calendars and artbooks. My husband and I will likely name our firstborn in honor of Ellen Ripley.

And as of quite recently, I’ve never seen an Alien film I didn’t, at the very least, enjoy watching. I would prioritize the original Alien as the best film (as I assume most do). Aliens and Prometheus come in second place- in that I enjoy Aliens and think it’s a fine film, and that I greatly enjoy Prometheus as something I accept I have to turn off all critical thinking facilities in order to fully appreciate. I rank Alien 3 and Alien: Resurrection on the same level; as films that I didn’t hate and can actually watch to gain some minor degree of pleasure, but also acknowledge their glaring flaws. I’ll even go so far as to say that I liked what David Fincher was trying to do with Alien 3. It had the guts to try something totally new like Aliens did, and had the balls to give the audience a giant, veiny middle finger right in the first few minutes. Admittedly, I haven’t seen Alien vs Predator or Alien vs Predator: Requiem since seeing Alien and Predator maul, disfigure and murder each other would feel like watching a full length film of dogs being kicked- and yes, I realize this is an issue that is likely unique to me. I truly haven’t seen an Alien feature that I didn’t like.

Until now.

What the fuck, Alien: Covenant? What the fuck, Ridley Scott? What the fuck was going on here?

I’m gonna start talking about the plot, so prepare your anus for spoilers. If you’re doubting the fortitude of your sphincter, skip past the next image. The basic premise of this film is that there’s a ship with couple dozen people as crew schlepping 2000 colonists out into deep space to start terra-forming a new planet. The crew consists of a lot of sexual partners and I assume that they are planning to help populate, but I can’t recall if that was addressed at all. Maybe in the future, spaceship crews are allowed to bring out the wife. Whatever. Anyway, an android named Not-David Michael Fassbender accidentally fucks the ship up and wipes out a little chunk of the crew. This fuck-up results in Captain James Franco getting incinerated in front of his wife inside a stasis capsule, before he ever has a chance to deliver a line.

In fact, had I not watched the promotional material beforehand (which features a scene that I assume precedes the one I’m talking about and also clarifies it better than the movie gave a shit to attempt), I don’t think I would have even known the schmuck getting torched by explosive oxygen in the capsule was James Franco. Nice.

This leaves the ship with a new captain, Passive Billy Crudup, who they mention a few times is a Christian, just like Dr. Shaw in Prometheus. The inclusion of his religion is even more stupid and pointless in this new iteration. He is also fairly incapable, which makes me wonder who put this booger-eater as second in line. This whole fuck up by Not-David Michael Fassbender is just a plot vehicle to get Danny fucking McBride outside the ship on a repair mission, where he receives a mysterious distorted transmission of a woman singing a John Denver song. The source of the transmission is traced back to a planet which happens not to be the planet that the crew is headed to to terraform.

Obviously, the crew decides to divert to the planet from which the signal came from instead of the planet that they are supposed to travel to, because why the hell not?

Like the idiots in Prometheus, the idiots in Alien: Covenant decide not to wear oxygen-fed helmets or PPE because who ever heard of aspirating deadly microbes and bacteria? However, this time, that’s addressed, and predictably two of the crew members manage to get infected by the flora on this planet within 5-10 minutes of setting foot on land. They become sickened and spew white baby Xenomorphs (not chestbusters, for whatever reason). Then the crew is dispatched unceremoniously as a pack of CGI Xenomorphs whip the shit outta them in ways that will be too fast to actually see. But aren’t you happy with 0.9 seconds of digital blood?

The remaining survivors are rescued just in time by a cloaked Actual David, who leads them back to his lair. Let me just say that Actual David confirms to one of the crew members that this lair is safe a few short minutes before a deformed Xenomorph casually enters and decapitates someone. Actual David pretends to be a bro, then makes it very clear he is NOT in fact a bro, and he carries on fucking up everyone’s shit until the end of the film, in a final twist that most viewers will see coming about 20 minutes in advance.

This installment of the series is a colossal pile of shit, and it really pains me as an Alien fan to lay it out like this.

The first issue I became painfully aware of is that there is no main character. Is the plucky captain’s widow the protagonist? Is it Danny McBride? Is it Actual David? Not only is there no attempt to establish a protagonist, there is little effort in place to ensure that you know the names of any of these people. How the fuck am I supposed to be horrified, disgusted and invested when these people are dismembered if I don’t even have a name to pair them with? I actually had to check the IMDb page to recall that Plucky Captain’s Widow’s name is Daniels. Nobody matters and I didn’t give a shit about anyone. I barely gave one for Danny McBride, who seems like a likable crew member but makes some really piss-poor risk/benefit analyses.

Because of the way Actual David’s underlying prerogatives were portrayed, I wish they hadn’t included him or anything from Prometheus. It’s become readily apparent that the only reason why this film ties into Prometheus or includes Actual David is because they couldn’t think up a fucking decent plot device to get these new people killed by an alien threat. Actual David’s story made me feel like I was watching an excruciatingly dull Star Trek: TNG three-parter where Data has some banal interaction with Noonien Soong because half the cast was on vacation that week. It felt cheap and like the screenwriters really had to push themselves over a massive hump to even write this trash. Instead of being a flawed and curious creation of sociopathic humans, Actual David becomes just another bad guy. There’s a really dumb scene where he’s trying to become friends with a Not Xenomorph that is given almost no explanation into. Did he kill all the engineers on the planet because he was mad at them for making the humans, and now he wants to be an engineer by creating inbred Xenomorphs? If they explained this, I wasn’t paying attention because I was bored to tears every time Actual David was explaining things to other characters.

After producing something like Prometheus, which I would argue has some of the best modern visual effects for its time, I can’t imagine how anyone thought Alien: Covenant was an acceptable final product. The Xenomorphs/creatures looked incredibly fake and were shown far too often. The digital blood and gore effects were wholly unsatisfying: not particularly graphic and shown only very briefly- maybe because they realized too late that CGI gore is completely unimpactful? People were screaming in disgust during the cesarean scene in Prometheus. I don’t think I heard a solitary gasp at any of the featured gore effects. I’ve read other reviews claiming “the gorehound will be sated” but I can’t imagine that unless the gorehound’s a 12-year-old with limited experience. The suits are ugly, the ship is unremarkable, and the CGI looked cheap and slapped together into the film by people who seemed to be generally unfamiliar with the franchise. I mean for fuck’s sake, if you’re going to give me a CG Xenomorph it better knock my pants off with a firm stream of shit.

I came out of this one feeling like I’d seen some cheaply-made bullshit teen-demo weekend matinee flick from the mid-2000s, like a Final Destination or an Anacondas: Hunt for the Blood Orchid. You know what I mean, the type of movie you go see and completely forget about after a week. This film wasn’t scary, it never gave me cause to feel invested. It was utterly inconsequential, whereas Prometheus felt like it was trying to build something new, fresh and mythical. In fact, my anxiety spiked as I was leaving the theater because I remembered that Ridley Scott took a fairly active role in the production of Blade Runner 2049. That fucking movie is going to have sexy, smoldering Ryan Gosling starring and extremely competent and capable Denis Villeneuve directing and this fucking orphanage fire of a movie has me WORRIED about it. If that doesn’t discourage you from watching Alien: Covenant, I don’t know what will. I can’t even recommend it as So Bad it’s Good because it is so monumentally boring. I could write a book of all the things I would have done entirely differently. Don’t pay any more than Wednesday matinee prices for this foul, backstabbing tripe. If you told me I’d be scoring this movie an entire half a star lower than the Ghost in the Shell movie I would have shat right in your mouth. You know what? This is what we get for electing Donald Trump.

★ ½

#alien #ridley scott #xenomorph #alien:covenant #film #review #movies

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