. Rambles

When you are avoidant; your life becomes so small... restricted... life becomes all about rigid schedules to avoid things, avoiding locations to avoid bumping into someone you fear, avoiding difficult conversations that remind you of feelings you do not want to feel. You spend so much time Making your life so repetitive and small and predictable bc you are so scared..

slowly learning this and realizing I don't want my life to be so small and based around avoiding situations anymore. Long term, it is not a happy way to live

Im doing all I can to fight it, regulate my feelings when I do feel scared, and let my life get a little bigger!! Let myself go places... Let my rigid schedules built from a desire to avoid people hang loose... let myself have those harder deeper conversations with people even if they are very scary.