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hawaiian-has-moved · 4 years

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Part one of (???) Of my redesigns + little character facts.

Beetleb*bes DNI

Seriously read my bio for once I saw you lurking on my rambles about this project.

(Stand alone character images are at the bottom.)

So these sizes are not based off hair. You can probably guess where skull shape is. So Lyds is like 5'0". Also they might change. I really hate to probably have to go back and redraw Claire or Vince, but considering they're all like 15 or so, they should be a tad taller than the cartoon canon. Considering they're like 12 then.

So besides all of that, let's get to little facts about everyone.

Lawrence Betelgeuse Shoggoth:

Though this does take place after the musical, making it a more musical based lean, he can shape shift just as freely as you would think. Sometimes you'll catch him crack a witty joke or just simply get bored. He in these times usually has his head spin or disappear down into his collar to soon reappear with a different head. This includes the canon cartoon version or any of the actors from the musical who have portrayed him. Rarely will you ever find him making a joke referring to Keetlejuice. Also though not mentioned often, because that would be rather dull, he is aware of the multiple universes. 4th wall breaking narrator, remember?

Donny and him are siblings. Betelgeuse being the oldest. But sadly, not the closest like they were in childhood. He is the hated child. Juno actively (TW) abused him in his childhood and still does to this day. He often freezes up, clasps his hands together and looks at the ground when his mother is around. He does the same occasionally for Donny because he is often sent by his mother to go chew BJ out for something he did wrong.

He sorta of dropped out of elementary, so in his teens he had to pretend he went to school so Juno or his brother didn't find out. He met Jacques and Ginger in high school. Though Ginger did hold a romantic place in his hard for the beginning of high school. The rest of his time was mostly spent with Jacques. He thought it was just hang out times with the boys or something. What a lot of people had told him. But the two grew extremely attached. They dated until a little bit after high school. They got into a very bad argument and broke up. But of course time has healed it for the most part. They could not afford to part ways and live elsewhere, so the trio still lives together in the Roadhouse.

Current relationship wise for him, he is working on a relationship with the Maitlands. They're taking it slowly. He's really only gotten cuddles so far, but they're working to more personal things while they all heal. BJ felt awful for being so unaware of how relationships worked. Of course considering we already touched on Jacques. It's not the first time he was blind on how love works.

Lydia Deetz:

Lydia is 15 years of age. So this takes place almost immediately after the musical. She now happily has her ghost parents, her father, and her step mother who is now happily married to Charles. And of course let's not for get her cool uncle, the ghost with the most, Beetlejuice!

After some understanding and boundary building, the two explore the Netherworld together. BJ shows Lydia around and she gets to explore and meet new friends.

Back in the living world Lydia goes to an all girls school, and recently made up with a bully if hers. Claire Brewster. The two (read Claire's part for why) are now a happy couple. Of course there are the times where they try to kiss and Charles or Beej will rush in to stop them. Which is ironic considering Charles probably did the same at her age and Beej doesn't really know what he's saying and is just coping Charles.

Donny Rigel Shoggoth:

Ugh, sadly so much about Donny is under lock and key until the comic I plan on making after I do character sheets is to that point.

Donny is BJ's younger brother. He seems to oppose his older brother's aesthetic and has actively tried to say he needs a change in style. In nice and rude ways.

He has an oddly happy demeanor and seems to absolutely ignore the trauma and anger given to Beej from his their mother. He rather just blindly helps her.

He hates blue for some odd reason. He doesn't know why. BJ does though.

Prince Vince:

Prince Vince is mostly the same as in canon to the cartoon. A sad romantic prince who wants love.

But to touch on that he is just simply that, romantic. Pan romantic. He has never had feelings beyond romance. And yes, he is still a child and there is still so much he has to grow from her, but he doesn't really have interest beyond sappy poems and giving roses to the people he cares for.

Claire Brewster:

Lesbian ICON. Seriously her new aesthetic is just the colors of the lesbian community flag.

Lydia and her are a couple. But it's secret outside of the Deetz/Maitland household.

At home she is very neglected. Her parents are too rich to care and are often away. But she was raised to be the perfect model of a heterosexual girl. She wears different clothing from what she used to. Even though she doesn't like being a cardboard cut out child for her parents, she still enjoys girly stuff and somewhat formal clothing. Of course she can't step too far out of that around her parents or they might grow suspicious.

Like her parents suck. In the cartoon they'd run away, drive away, or slam the door in her face if she looked gross or was with something gross. They didn't not care. She was so disposable.

Aaand, that's all I have right now.

@aquatic-juice helped me with a lot of decisions on this. And a lot of the head canons on Claire's parents are things we've discussed and she has wrote about, so I have to credit her on that.

Tell me what you think. And again sorry I can't tell you more about Donny. It's a major plot point for a comic that connects this universe right after the musical.

Love you guys! 💚

Stand alone pictures:

P.s. no one is straight and if this pisses you off you're probably on the wrong side of tumblr.

#art #fanart #digital art #fan art #beetlejuice #digitalart #beetlejuice bway #beetlejuice fanart #beetlejuice musical #beetlejuice cartoon #beetlejuice the animated series #beetlejuice the cartoon #beetlejuice the broadway musical #beetleb*bes dni

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fleetwoodmactshirt · 4 years

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Do you have thoughts about the Catfish and Pope friendship? About the whole squad?

yeah and maybe some of them will be unpopular but whatever. everyone feel free to disagree and tell me i’m wrong because admittedly i’ve watched this movie like, three?? times now but never 100% paying attention to every scene. i skimmed, ok.

frankie and santiago’s friendship just feels to me like it’s a friendship that’s deeper than the rest of the squad’s. i think santiago is definitely who frankie is closest to amongst all of them. the way they greeted each other; insulting each other in spanish while hugging and smiling. the way they grab at each other a little roughly. the big goofy grin that spreads across frankie’s face and the smile that lights up santiago’s when they see each other? everything about the interaction speaks to a shared history; an old, comfortable, deep friendship.

i think santiago is the one who can get frankie to open up; he’s who frankie feels the most at ease with. they’ve known each other for years, and were friends maybe even before the military. if you told me they grew up together, i would believe it. i can imagine them growing up together, and from the beginning the dynamic being that santiago is the one with the big ideas and frankie is the one who’s just as excited, but a little trepidatious. santiago leads, frankie tries to assert himself but then follows. santiago doesn’t even blink anymore when frankie loses it and goes ballistic; he’s the one who’s seen that side of frankie more than anyone else, and that’s partly because he’s the one who’s most responsible for pushing frankie past his limits.

from how frankie speaks plainly to santiago, calls him out, trying to pass on the job but then apologizes quietly later in the hallway and confesses to santiago all of his problems when they’re in a moment of semi-privacy? i think santiago is the guy frankie trusts most out of all these chucklefucks. he didn’t necessarily want all of them to know his personal shit, only santiago. they all trust each other with their lives, but santiago and frankie have something a little deeper. i’d call it brotherly, except i think they’ve maybe fucked. maybe just once, maybe a few times. maybe just a few sloppy, drunken make-outs. i can see them each becoming who the other sought out for comfort, to abate the loneliness, at least for a time. i could subscribe to them being bi very, very, very easily.

as for the rest of the squad i have to admit i only just learned which of the brothers miller is benny and which is will. i didn’t even catch they were brothers on my first viewing of this movie that is how little attention i paid them ok? i genuinely thought one of them was boyd holbrook (steve murphy from narcos) for like, the first half hour. so i can’t say i have a lot of thoughts about their characters.

that mf t*m? i don’t think about him. he should have been thrown from the helicopter instead of the money. he was a piece of shit and none of them should have shed a tear.

all that being said, i have a hard time believing, beyond santiago and frankie, that these dudes were super tight-knit.

the vibe i got was that they all haven’t seen other for a pretty significant amount of time; it felt like a reunion of sorts. i didn’t feel like the brothers millers were hanging with frankie on the weekends or anything. it all felt like they hadn’t spoken in a while. i mean the first 20 minutes of the movie were basically “santiago ‘pope’ garcia’s friends do not answer his texts”. it was a lil awkward, bud!!!

so except for frankie and santiago, i don’t even believably see them hanging out after the events of the movie. i think they all go home and go their separate ways trying to forget this no-good, horrible, colombian adventure ever happened. i like to hc that frankie definitely goes home, gets a healing sloppy bj from his girl, and then ghosts these chucklefucks until santiago comes crawling up to his door with the rest of the money that he went back to retrieve. frankie does not deserve any more stress.

but that frankie and santiago parting hug? i mean, so much of this is based on how oscar and pedro’s genuine friendship and chemistry shined through. again, the emotions were palpable. the small gesture of frankie whacking santiago with the passport? that tiny gesture said everything: “hey i’m fucking done with you but i still love you”. the hug. THE HUG. their lack of hesitation or embarrassment to demonstrate their platonic affection for each other physically? i love it. it makes my heart clench every time. oscar and pedro said, fuck toxic masculinity!! every day i wish this movie had focused on these two, and let their friendship take centre stage.

and ONE MORE THING, i ignore frankie’s baby and wife (?) because the movie also basically ignored them but whoaaaa it was bullshit that santiago didn’t stop him from giving up his share. DUDE HAS HIS OWN FAMILY TO TAKE CARE OF WHAT THE FUCK THEY ARE JUST AS VALID AS TOM’S. I CAN’T UNDERSTAND IT.

#frankie morales #santiago pope garcia #triple frontier #fleetwood answers

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slvtbible · 5 years

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‘sunflower is as pretty as a rose’

(VALENTINE’S DAY SPECIAL)

Summary: 19’year old Harry has a crush on you and asks you to be his Valentine

Warning: Very short!

Harry likes you. No, he loves you.

There is no denying that the way he blushes or stutter everytime you walk pass or talk to him. He gets butterflies in his stomach and he feels his heart beats louder everytime he hears you laugh,

No one knows about his crush except for his best friend in uni, Max. Well, him and his sister. He tries to hide it everyday and pushes his feelings away because he knows deep down, there is no way he can have the chance to be with you. It’s impossible,

Harry is already labeled as a ‘nerd’, ‘geek’, ‘clumsy’, ‘dumbass’ you name it. And it’s all coming from the cocky football players at campus. They love to tease him, pushes him against the locker, beats him until his glasses are broken and he has changed for about three times now.

Then, there’s you. The smart, beautiful, kind, Y/N. The cheerleader captain and the girlfriend of Keith Meyers, the jock who participates on bullying and beating up Harry with the rest of his friends. He tries to mask the hurt every time he sees him grabbing you and kisses you in the hallway,

But yours and Keith’s relationship only lasts for six months. Rumor has it, that you broke up because you hated the way Keith treated Harry just because he’s all smart and quiet. When Max breaks the news to Harry, he’s shocked but he ignores it and insists that it wasn’t because of him.

He shares a class with you in politics and human rights reform. And he’s completely in love how you always voice your opinions whenever you’re disagree with a topic in class and you’re not afraid to create a vision or solve a case with your own logical ways. To him it’s completely attractive and admirable,

But one thing that he can’t get it out of his head is how you always so nice to him. Not for homeworks or notes, just genuinely nice. Smiling at him, saying hello such as ‘hi harry’ or lending him a pen if he forgets to bring one. You’re truly the nicest and the prettiest girl on campus.

Today is Valentine’s day. The campus hall has been decorated in red and pink posters shaped hearts with balloons floating, almost taking up the space of the hallway and it’s truly suffocating. But he has plans. He has a plan on giving you Valentine’s gifts today and he’s never been more nervous.

He knows that you might have got a lot of expensive gifts from the boys in campus. They’re all obsessed with you so he can’t blame them. Still, he feels like you’re going to appreciate them no matter what and it makes his heart calms a little.

“You know he can kill you right?” Max asks, looking down at the paper bag Harry brings.

The gifts contains homemade poems—not love, of course—, cherry flavored heart shaped lollipop, mixtape filled with your favorite songs/artists and a sunflower.

Why did he get a sunflower? No idea. But he thinks that roses are too common now so he bought a sunflower instead.

Harry keeps his eyes glued on the notebook, writing down notes. “I don’t know who you’re talking about”

Max rolls his eyes at his lack of paying attention. “Keith. Who else? If he finds out, he’ll hunt you down” he nudges Harry’s stomach lightly. “It doesn’t matter if the two of them broke up, he’s still going to think of her as his girl.”

Harry merely shrugs, but deep down he knows Max is speaking only the truth. Keith will kill him but all of that doesn’t matter. He’s still going to give them to you.

“Then he’s psychopath. He should leave her alone then, it’s not my fault. I like her and it’ll be just a simple giving gift, not like anything would happened between us anyway.”

“Dude” Max starts, grabbing his shoulder to get him to look up and when he does, he says “You still don’t get it do you? Y/N likes you too! You’re so daft sometimes, need to i remind you that she broke up with that asshole because of you? I mean-he didn’t know but it’s all true! She wants you too man!”

He shakes his head, removing his friend’s grip from his shoulder and continue writing his notes. As much as he wants to believe that, there is no way Y/N could’ve like him. Just, no.

“Not true. You should have never listened to the rumors. They don’t know jack shit about what’s going on around here, Max.” He reasons,

But Max stays true to his statement, mainly because he knows something that Harry doesn’t and he can’t wait for his best friend to finds out later this afternoon,

“Whatever you say”

It’s later than afternoon,

Almost 4 o’clock, because he just finds out that you have a cheerleader practice after your class ends. And he doesn’t want to wait until tomorrow, he hates stalling and if he lets another day goes by, he won’t be giving the presents to you because he’s too scared and nervous that he might get rejected,

But he knows you. Not personally but he knows you. The nicest one out of your friends, literally the only girl who won’t make fun of his stutter or glasses or how he always keeps his nose hidden behind books.

You actually find it cute and attractive when a guy reads. Meaning, guys who reads and pay attention aren’t exactly assholes and ignorant like rest of male population in campus.

Harry is now standing about twenty feet away from you, hiding himself behind a pole so he can’t be seen. Yet.

He curses to himself when he sees you still talking with your cheerleader friends, the people who makes his life miserable. But the frown on his lips twitch into a smile when he hears you laugh. The laugh that he fonds of for the past year studying together in the same campus.

After ten minutes of doubting himself on wether he should come up to you or not, he finally decides that it’s better for him to approach you now,

“Fuck it” he whispers to himself,

He’ll ignore the snickers, laughs and name callings that are coming from your friends. It’s not like he will give it to them, so why does it matter?

As he gets closer, the laughter and chatters slow down when their judging eyes falls on his lanky figure. Looking at him up and down as if he’s one of the most disgraced creature that has ever walked on earth,

You see your friends aren’t paying attention to you anymore, their eyes shifts on what’s behind you, so you turn around and the smile on your lips is widen when you see the guy you like standing there awkwardly, holding a pink paperbag,

“Harry? Hi! What are you doing here?” You ask, walking over to him with your hands clasp behind your back,

For some reason, you find yourself extremely nervous standing in front of him. You never stand this close to him,

He smiles shyly, gesturing the bag in his hand. “Hi Y/N. Uhm, i know you may have received expensive gifts from other boys in campus but uh, i brought something for you.” He scratches the back of his neck nervously, eyes looking down,

Your heart melts at how generous he is. Looking all shyly while carrying the gift he’s brought for you, you’re trying so hard to contain your blush and it’s a good thing he’s looking down, otherwise you won’t know how to handle it,

“As if Y/N wants those from you” One of her girl-friends shouts causing the other to bursts into giggles, except for one girl named Maya,

She frowns and looks up to them with shady eyes. “Girl, shut up. He’s just coming here to give something, don’t be jealous just cause y’all ain’t got valentines today”

With that, all of them shut up with their cheeks heated in embarrassment. They continue to do their small chats with eachother, leaving Maya out of it. And she’s glad,

Harry blushes in embarrassment, hiding the gift back behind his back quickly, trying to avoid anymore rude comments from her friends,

You notice how embarrassed he is and your heart breaks at the sight. This boy right here is just trying to give you Valentine’s day gifts and your friends had the nerve to bring him down just like that. They truly are pathetic,

Except for Maya. Because she’s actually rooting for you and Harry together, plus her boyfriend Zayn is telling her to set you two up for a coffee date or something. Yes. Zayn Malik. The football quarterback who’s not an asshole,

“Don’t mind them, Harry. They all dicks anyways. Well apart from Maya, that is.” You assure him, tucking your slightly dampen hair behind your ear. “What is it again you wanna tell me Harry?”

“Oh yeah! Uhm- well as i was saying, i know you may have gotten alot of Valentine’s today, but i want to give you something too.” He smiles shyly, studying your face to see if you’re disgusted and tell him to go off,

But you don’t. Instead you smile back, biting your lip as you try hard not to grin because he looks so cute and adorable stammering like that,

“Okay” you whisper, looking deeply into his eyes. Smile still as wide as before, you can’t hardly wait to see what Harry has in store for you.

“I uh, wrote a poem for you. Also there’s a mixtape that i made and it fills with your favorite 90s RnBs artists because i heard you like them. So, there’s Aaliyah, Boyz II Men, Alicia Keys, Britney Spears, Tupac, TLC and there’s more but i can’t remember” he says, chuckling nervously as he takes out the tape. “But there’s Jhene Aiko, LANY and BJ The Chicago Kid there too. Heard you like them. And i got you a sunflower, because i think roses are too common now. I hope that’s okay.”

You truly have no idea what to say. Your mouth parts a little but there’s no words coming from it. How could someone so unbelievably cute and adorable like him cares about those small details? How could someone took their time to acknowledge that and sweet enough to put your favorite artists in a mixtape? How could someone knows you prefer sunflowers over roses?

Harry is not your closest friend. Just simple acquaintances being polite and say hello everytime you walk pass him. So you have no idea that Harry knows all of this, but you would be lying if you say all of this didn’t make your heart beat 100x times faster,

“I agree. And i happen to like sunflowers. You’re really sweet Harry, thank you so much.” You smile at him, feeling your body is about to collapse,

He gives you a shrug and shows his dimpled smile. “It’s nothing really. You deserve to be treated like a princess once in a while.” And gives you the bag

Oh, Lord. You swear your heart is about to fall out of your chest,

You take the bag from his hands and holds it dearly to your chest. “Harry... you’re the sweetest guy I’ve ever met, really. I just-wow”

He breathes out a shaky laugh, shoving his hands on the pockets of his jeans,

“Well i try.”

The two of you share a small laugh after, then it’s quite. You wait for him to say something else other than that, but as he doesn’t say anything, you decide to speak up,

“Do you have a crush on me, Harry?”

“What?”

You smile, “just answer the question”

He seems to freeze for a while and stutter out, “uh, no. W-who umh-who told you that?” He laughs nervously,

“Your best friend, Max told me.”

He mentally face palms as he tries not to burst out in anger. He’s definitely making a mental note to kill him later,

“I, uh... i think so... yeah” he mumbles, looking away afraid that he might get rejected,

However, you smile at his cute stutter and decides to confess how you feel about him as well,

“Well, i like you too”

“Huh?” He looks up quickly, clearly not expecting that answer and still not sure if you’re playing with him or not. “You what?”

“I like you too, Harry”you say it again, this time with a giggle. To let him know that you’re not joking at all, “so, is that something you just want to tell me or is there something else?”

Harry feels his heart thumping and his whole body goes numb. Because he’s standing here and just heard the most beautiful and nicest girl he has a crush on, saying that she feels the same way and this is exactly what he’s been waiting for.

To hear you say, you like him. He truly gets his dream girl now,

He grins, blush creeping on his cheeks and finally ask you something that he’s been waiting to ask for a long time.

“Will you be my Valentine? And go out on a date with me tonight?”

With a smile, you grab his hand and gives a soft kiss on his cheek,

“I would love to”

This sucks:( but i love Valentine’s Day! What did you guys get? I got bunch of chocolates and notes from my friends and they truly are the most precious people in the world, AND i got a Valentine’s chocolate and letter from my crush!! i still can’t believe it happened HAHA

Anyway hope you guys like this and please give me feedbacks babies! Love you!❤️

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles fluff #harry imagine #harry styles fanfictions #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shots #harry fics #harry styles blurbs #harry styles angst

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beccasissy69 · 4 years

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So it was quite a weekend but I need to cover a task from last week before we get to it. Goddess gave me a film to watch, she wanted me to get into a femme state of mind, watch it and empathize with the women. I decided I’d have a bubble bath, then get ready for bed (boobs, night dress, kimono), spray some perfume and then watch it on my TV.

The film was half way between a film and porn (it was pretty much a regular film with graphic sex scenes) but it turns out that getting ready for bed, then lying down on my sofa with a blanket and turning the lights off makes my body think it’s bedtime and I fell asleep about half way through!

Goddess was fine with me splitting it over a few nights and I managed to watch it in 3 parts. The plot dealt with various people who had sexual issues, they were seeing a psychiatrist and ended up going on a weekend away course to try and deal with them.

Goddess told me to see which of the women I felt closest too (or even if it was one of the men!) and I was surprised how much most of them resonated with me but for different reasons. A lot of them had issues with control (either losing it or giving it up) and were been “trained” to either get it back or just to cope with their situation. One women had uncontrollable orgasms, one was obsessed with putting videos of everything on her blog, one had a boyfriend who only wanted her to sleep with other guys and so on.

The sex scenes were really hot! The three that stick out were one where two guys were taking a girl at night in the grounds around the hotel, one where a meditation session ended up as an orgy and then a final BJ one of the women gave a guy when he was sleeping.

Wow, I didn’t think I’d write that much about it! Onto the weekend, I have 4 big tasks this month, camming was one of them and this weekend held another. Goddess wanted me to visit the gay sauna she had me recon the other day 😮.

This was a pretty big deal for me (apart from the obvious, I think I’ve mentioned my shyness before) and I’ve had plenty of talks with Goddess about it over the past couple of weeks. I said it would be this weekend and then narrowed it down to Sunday. I didn’t feel particularly nervous but I did have a few flutters as the day got closer. On Saturday, Goddess let me have some fun by smacking my sissy “b*lls”, which turned me on and got me leaking pretty badly.

Sunday dawned and when I got there, I walked around the block a few times before I went inside. I signed up, got my towel and went through.

Goddess wanted proof (of course), I took some pictures in the changing rooms (I was pretty nervous about getting caught doing it!) and then got changed. I walked around to explore and found out it was pretty quiet.

One thing that really hit me was how male it was. It stank of men (this may have been mostly in my head!), the guys that were there were comfortable in their masculinity (which isn’t something I can really claim!) and it made me want to work harder on my body and femme it much more.

Nothing too salacious went on, I watched as one guy got himself off in the sauna (so not too salacious 🤣), he was pretty near the end and finished about 30 seconds after I started watching and I smiled at him as he left (as Goddess pointed out, I should have said thank you!). I chatted to the guy on reception and the guy working the bar a bit and left after about an hour.

Goddess wanted me to send her the proof but then just sit with it and wait until she was ready to chat with me before i gave her the details. I felt weird afterwards, it didn’t seem like too big a deal but I also hadn’t really had the chance to do anything beyond being there. It been quiet was a double edged sword, it made it less intimidating initially but also meant that I couldn’t see examples of behavior I could emulate. Ideally, someone would have just walked up to me, grabbed my ass and taken it from there 😂😂😂 but I suppose a girl has got to work for some things!

It’s also been really noticeable to me how much my emotions are coming to the fore recently. Goddess patted me on my head a few days ago and it bought tears to my eyes, my visit to the sauna left me feeling a little shaken and stirred and tonight, watching The L Word, I was overwhelmed by feminine feelings and watching it felt so comfortable, like sitting in a warm bath.

When I asked Goddess to push me, I didn’t even think about it having this kind of impact but it makes sense (at least to me!) that it would happen.

#submissivesissybimbohousewife

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bethanigoodrum · 7 years

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Dear Kong

*trigger warning* I highly recommend that anyone that gets triggered by sexual assault content to not read this. My intention of writing this was not to trigger anyone but I also had the intention to not hold anything back. I want this to be as raw as possible.

I don’t owe you any of my words or thoughts. But the problem is that I can’t get you out of my head. You have consumed so much of my head space for the last two and a half years that it is impossible to not give you the presence of my thoughts that you don't deserve. Sometimes you are just a passing name and memory floating in my head that touches down briefly before I banish it. Other times you find a comfortable spot in the forefront of my brain and stay there and I am stuck replaying everything that happened that night. And I know that I have continued to be a thought within your own brain. With each time you contacted me I knew that thoughts of my body and my sex were in your mind. You sent me a picture of your dick two years after we met with the comment of your horniness for me. My body wasn't enough to satisfy you two years ago. It is still something that enters into your mind and you still have thoughts that it is yours to have. But the thing is, my body was never yours to have in the first place. Even though you explored it and used it that night, it wasn't something that I gave to you. You took it without asking.

What did you think of me when you first met me? Did you think I was funny and interesting? Did you find me endearing? Did you enjoy getting to know me? Or did you just enjoy getting to know my mouth and tongue? I’ll tell you what I thought about you. I was excited by you. You were a mysterious stranger I didn't know and I remember sitting on that couch and just laughing with you. I remember how easy I found it to talk to you. Of course the alcohol was running through my brain and giving me a warmth and openness that alcohol does best. But I thought you were kind, Kong. I trusted you.

I was so trusting back then. I haven't been since that night. You were the last guy I’ve ever trusted. Why did you have to fuck that up so badly? All I wanted was to sleep next to you. I patted that floor next to me as an invitation for you because I didn't want to fall asleep by myself. I liked the feel of your body pressed up next to mine as we fell asleep in one another’s warmth. Why couldn't you have left it at that? We could’ve woken up next to each other the next morning feeling content with one another. We could have walked away from that night feeling pleased with the gentleness of our kisses and the smile that formed from our conversations. I wish that that was what your name was connected to for me. Why did you do it Kong? Was it that when you woke up in the middle of the night and saw me there and that I was too easy of a target for you to resist? Was your urge to explore my body too much for you to respect me? Was I not enough for you to respect? These are the thoughts you have made me think about myself. I wasn't enough to be respected. The lure of my breasts were too much for you. You had to lift up my shirt and you had to put your mouth on me. But putting your tongue on my tits when i was asleep wasn't enough for you was it? Once you had explored part of me you wanted to continue doing so. You waited for me to go back to sleep after that first awakening and since I didn't leave you after that first assault, did you think you could get away with even more? Did you think you were justified in putting your fingers in my vagina when I was sleeping? Did you think that was an okay thing to do? Did you think i wouldn't wake up? Did you think I would enjoy wakening up to that private intrusion of yours? Why didn't you stop when I told you to stop? You had all the information you needed to know about my thoughts on what you were doing, so why did you continue to assault me? But the feel of me down there still wasn't enough for you was it. Assaulting me turned you on, didn't it? And when that small penis of yours got just a little bit bigger you felt that you had to continue to use my body for your own pleasure. I was just an object and a way for you to reach your climax of the night. That third thing you used my body for is something that I haven't been able to get out of my head. The memory of it has entered my head every single day since that night. I would do anything to get rid of the memory of your arm holding me down while your other hand held my head down to that raised dick of yours. To get rid of the taste of you. To get rid of the feeling of being completely powerless and at a loss of control over my own body.

To you it was just a blow job. But to me it was something that destroyed me. Here I was, being forced to put you inside of me and move my own body parts to bring about your own pleasure while I was losing a part of myself with each of my own movements. I can’t describe to you how much that has fucked up my own head. How can it be rape when I was the one performing the action? Do you know how much self-hatred I have experienced towards myself for having done that? I hate myself for the actions I did onto you. I’m plagued with thoughts of “why didn't you just refuse to move your mouth? Why didn't you just bite him?” But in that moment I froze. I know that now. I don't deserve to hate myself for something you forced me to do. All I was thinking back then was how I could get out of that situation. And so I just told myself to give you the best I could do so it would be over faster. All I could feel was the strength of your hands holding me down and I just desperately wanted to feel those hands release me. So you forced me to try my damnedest at pleasuring you when all i wanted was to leave you. You don't know how much you have hurt me. I have struggled with seeing it as rape and my mind still struggles with it sometimes, but in all reality it is simple: you held me down and forced yourself inside of me until you came. I don’t want to belittle what you did anymore. You’ve made me doubt and hate myself for too many years. I want to call it what it is. And I don't want to feel shame for calling it that anymore.

I hope that night of getting off through me was truly worth it for you, Kong, because there have been parts of myself that I lost and haven't been able to get back. I know that you probably think of me as someone who was easy and available to give BJs whenever, but you were the last guy to experience that from me. Now I cannot even think about seriously doing it to someone else without having a panic attack. I had to repeatedly say no in my last relationship because the flashback of you kept coming up whenever my boyfriend asked me. I constantly felt like I was being a terrible girlfriend to him and it was because of you. I can’t get drunk anymore without experiencing a panic attack. Once I finish my second drink I start to feel my heart race and thoughts that I can't let myself lose control invade my brain. You have robbed me of so many carefree and fun nights that could have spent in a drunken bliss. You have also taken from me the fun and exciting aspect of getting to know guys and the beginning of relationships. I spent the beginning of my relationship with Joel afraid of kissing him. Instead of wondering what it would be like to have his lips on mine or the thrill of having him spend the night with me all i could think about was you. When we would be in bed together I couldn't connect with him emotionally because all I was thinking about was my survival. Sex became sex and nothing else. We fucked instead of made love because that was all that sex could be for me in that moment. It wasn't something safe and comforting. And when we did the most innocent thing of falling asleep together I would shake and have such an urge to run away from him. His body could have been comforting and of warmth for me like yours had been at the start of that night. But thanks to you, the weight of his arm around me would always become the weight of your arm holding me to you so I could not escape. My relationship with Joel stood no chance after that one night with you. Because of that night with you, I have new scars on my body. I couldn’t even type this letter to you without inflicting pain onto myself. I can’t even think of you without wanting to hurt myself. It shouldn't be this way. I shouldn't be hurting myself because of the pain you did to me. And the most important thing you took away from me was my worth as a person. You made me feel so much hate and blame towards myself. Who would've thought you could do so much damage in just one night.

The thing that I care most about being able to be alive is the ability to meet people. I find that entwining my life with others is such a special and important gift that we have on this earth. Being in the presence of others and truly being able to get to know the souls of others is the closest thing to spirituality that I have found. Knowing people and their genuineness is what I strive to achieve during my time here but I wish that I had never experienced your genuine self. I wish that you were the one person in my life that I had never met.

The world may see you as a hero with your achievement of being a marine. Your name has not been blackened in society. But I just want to let you know that at least with me, I will never be able to see you as a national hero. For me, you will always be the person that tore me apart. The true heroes are those that supported me, respected me and made me feel worth after your intrusion into my life.

Goodbye Kong. I hope there will be a day when I can truly say goodbye to you in my brain and memories as well.

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