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thesaltyace · 3 years

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big rant/ramble below, you can safely ignore and move on to the next post in your feed.

Urgh

I shared the results of that autism screener with a quasi-friend who I thought would be "safe" (we used to work together and we connected over his being gay and me being visibly queer) but his response was blergh

Everyone has hints of autism.

okay yeah but this isn't just *hints* of autism. I'm answered yes to symptoms I've had since I was a kid that I've learned to mask or work around as an adult. But I still struggle with them.

He pointed out that he sees me as more ADHD than ASD.

Yeah, fair, and I'd need to see a professional to try to distinguish if my symptoms are ADHD, ASD, or both.

You don't hit the three prongs needed for a diagnosis.

But.... but I do. And the stuff I dealt with as a kid is still stuff I deal with today. I just mask it better. A short and not exhaustive list:

As I kid I had trouble interacting with peers. I didn't have friends, really. I didn't know how to make friends and I didn't try terribly hard to. I acquire friends when someone else "adopts" me and decides that we are friends. And once I became an adult, I have almost never had friends of my own - I share a friend group with my spouse who we're primary connected to through him. I'm okay with that. Maintaining a friendship entirely on my own power sounds impossible and exhausting.

I was okay with not having friends, I liked being alone, but my mom insisted on me being social. She made me join things so that I would have a list of people to invite to parties. I'd honestly have preferred a day of doing stuff I like or just a couple friends. As an adult, I want to be alone on my birthday. I will celebrate with certain friends, separately, usually over a quiet meal. That's it.

I had trouble understanding sarcasm and figurative speech. Like, I understand it now but I still think most figurative speech is annoying. I've been told the way I deliver sarcasm is weird, too.

I liked memorizing movies and quoting them start to finish, I thought it was fun but everyone else thought it was weird. I continued to do this into adulthood but I only quote aloud when I'm alone. Alamo Drafthouse quote-alongs are the BEST. I don't do this with every movie, either, just ones I really like.

Okay actually I also liked to listen to the same album or, in some cases, the same song over and over until I was sick of it (and sometimes even after that point). I mean, just endlessly looping on repeat. Not interspersed with other songs. I do this as an adult a LOT because it's easier with headphones to do this without annoying everyone else around you. Like, often it's fine for me to just put a playlist on shuffle, but I get into Moods where I just want the one album/song over and over. Yesterday I listened to Wellerman about 50 times in a row and only stopped because I had to get up and do something else and that song wasn't "good" for whatever I got up to do.

My special interest as a kid was cats. Literally everything cats, all the time - I sought out obscure facts and could tell you the difference between similar species, and wanted cats involved in literally everything I did. Adults laughed it off as childhood obsession. I was also pretty obsessed with the solar system. I thought asking my peers, as a trivia question, which of Jupiter's moons had its own asteroid (Io, in case you were wondering) was appropriate and interesting and was confused that they didn't know that. That was in fifth grade.

I watched the weather channel for fun. I would watch it for hours and absorb the weekly forecast info just... for fun? I never used it, could never tell you if you should dress a certain way or bring an umbrella or whatever. Everyone thought it was weird.

I was a know-it-all and literally could not stop myself from bluntly correcting people who were wrong. Didn't know or care that it was "rude". I'm still that way but I've learned how to sometimes swallow the urge long enough to find a more tactful way to point it out (but often fail).

I could read on my own before kindergarten, used vocabulary beyond what one would expect for my age, and had a special interest in spelling and grammar throughout my school years. I did not understand how other people weren't interested in learning about it and getting it right. I read at an undergrad level by 4th grade.

I hated loud noises and often covered my ears to block out irritating sounds. I could also hear high pitched noises that even other kids didn't seem to hear (or at least weren't bothered by them). Too much noise sent me into an internal meltdown, I'd just kinda shut down because I couldn't deal with it.

Textures and pressure on my skin bothered the absolute fuck out of me - sock seams, certain fabric materials, socks that weren't equally elastic, one shoe tighter than the other, tags.... all of that. (Also, fun anecdote I just unlocked - when I was 4 or 5 my grandmother started letting me use the soft silk sleep shirt she had as a young woman because I preferred it to anything else. Soft, smooth, no irritating qualities. Bliss. I wanted to wear it all the time.)

Don't get me started on food. Until I was in COLLEGE I mostly subsisted on pasta with either butter or alfredo sauce and chicken. I would eat other things, but pasta and/or chicken was (and still is) my biggest safe/comfort food. I'd eat other stuff mostly if I could control the balance of ingredients, get it made plain, or could confirm the texture wouldn't be offensive (so, like... plain burgers, plain cheese pizza, grilled cheese, mashed potatoes, etc.) I cannot stress this enough - from childhood through COLLEGE I did this. As a kid my mom had to make me a completely separate dish most nights to get me to eat something. My spouse was horrified at what little variety I ate. The only reason I eat so much variety now is that he knows what I do/don't like and tells me in advance if I'll find a texture or taste offensive. Of course, rather than wanting consistent texture like I did when I was younger, I now seek as much texture as possible (so long as they aren't Bad textures) so.... that's fun. But yeah most of my objections to Yucky foods is due to T E X T U R E. Even if I like the taste, the texture overrides it all.

I prefer animals to people. I will seek out animals and interact with them instead of people in the same room. And will pointedly focus on the animal to avoid interacting with people.

I'm perfectly happy with only myself for company. Being with just my spouse counts as me being "alone" though. Always has. I just realized last night that it's because I do minimal to no masking around him because he's a safe person to unmask with and always has been. Never batted an eye at the weird shit I do beyond asking questions about what I was doing or why. And then just "Okay."

Okay honestly just the fact that I want to vent into the void of tumblr instead of actually discussing this with a person - even my spouse! - pretty effectively shows how little it occurs to me to interact with other people directly. o_0

And there are so many more things that I won't list here because I could just go on and on. And like, sure, some of this may certainly overlap with ADHD but my point is that I have enough to point to ASD that it doesn't feel like having a "hint" of autism. And who knows - maybe it is mostly just ADHD and CPTSD stuff interacting in weird ways. Could be!

But just because I can make small talk and make eye contact and do the "normal" shit and I can interact "normally" doesn't mean I LIKE it. I had to LEARN to do those things to avoid having bad social interactions. When I'm by myself or with my spouse, I behave very differently than I do around anyone else. ANYONE. It's not just slightly changing my behavior depending on who I'm with - it's completely suppressing how I naturally would do things if left to my own devices.

Like, the things we recommended to our autistic students who wanted to know how to interact in ways that would help them blend in/be accepted by others ARE THE EXACT THINGS I ALREADY DO. Like, it did not occur to me at the time that neurotypicals literally do not have to think about doing those things. I thought, ah, these students just need to be told what the tricks are. Other people figure these tricks out on their own. It did not occur to me that other people, in fact, do not learn these tricks because they naturally do that behavior. They do not have to actively think about learning the trick, period. I literally thought other people also have to think as hard as I do about interactions. Evidently not.

So yeah, I'm feeling a little upset about the reaction I got from him because I'm like.... honestly, a diagnosis of ASD wouldn't change a lot about how I do things or think of things. But it would make me feel better about interacting with and participating in autism-related stuff if I am actually autistic. I realize I can use the resources and supports meant for ASD regardless, and for formal supports anything I can access due to my ADHD diagnosis likely covers anything I'd need for ASD. But having a diagnosis opens up more community. Right now I'm like yeah I'm ADHD but I totally relate to this ASD content. But I'm not going to interact much because I feel like I don't have the right to join in since idk if I do have ASD.

idk I have a lot of feelings. I had a bad email about the trans insurance coverage thing yesterday and I'm not in a great headspace, but finding out me and my spouse both scored very high on the autism screening stuff was honestly a high point because we ended up sharing a lot of how we view and interact with the world that was very eye-opening about why we interact the way we do, how we relate to others (and how other people think we're weird for how we relate to others), and just...everything. And having someone be skeptical after I've spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that I DON'T have ASD only to conclude that at the very least, I should probably be evaluated because I can't reasonably rule it out. Like, most people do not wonder if they have autism. The fact that I am spending this much time looking into it and trying to find examples to disprove it only to find I overwhelmingly can't in virtually every single diagnostic category.... just..... dismissing it outright is kinda hurtful.

Like, I recognize that ADHD symptoms overlap a fair bit, but seriously. My spouse (who definitively does not have ADHD) scored almost identically to me and we vibed on almost everything when we compared answers. We see most things similarly. We have similar areas of confusion about other people and for fundamentally similar reasons. I can't imagine all of the stuff that points to ASD for me is just ADHD in disguise, not when I vibe THAT HARD with someone else. Spouse does not vibe with me on ADHD content. At all. He can appreciate it since he does live with me, after all, and observes whatever's being discussed. But he doesn't vibe with it. He vibes with autism content, though. And I vibe with both.

idk this rant ended in rambling and I'm just going to go listen to Inside on repeat for a couple hours while I try to calm down a bit. o_0

#rant over #for now #I've actually been listening to Inside for the last twenty minutes already lol #maybe I'll try to nap #idk #blergh #yay Shit is playing now and I'm like LOL cause I did wake up at 11:30 feeling like shit #woot #what a bop #I'm like hell yeah you get it #let's vibe

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sakurasangcl · 5 years

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Because You’re My HOME

Pairing: Joshua x autistic!reader, best friend!Jin x reader, friend!Mark x reader

Word count: 3.5k

Warnings: autistic meltdowns, accidental self harm during meltdown (hair pulling and lip biting, not in a kinky way), anxiety, self doubt

Summary: Joshua unexpectedly finds you, his mate, in the middle of a meltdown. He manages to calm you down and the next time you see him you’re too embarrassed to talk.

Author's Note: This is the second member of the Moonlight Symphony. The masterlist can be found here. Please let me know if you like it, and feel free to ask to be tagged as well!!

After Seungcheol found his mate, everyone wondered when they would find theirs and who would be next. The others started making bets of how it would go but Joshua couldn’t care less. He knew he would meet his when the time was right, so he didn’t think anything of it. Sure, he hoped he would meet his soon, but he wanted it to happen naturally. Joshua would occasionally daydream about meeting his mate, but he never could have imagined how it actually would have happened.

You had gone outside to get some sort of relief from your obnoxious neighbors. You texted your friends begging them to let you come over, and they were all busy. One of them sent you over the edge with the comment of “that’s what you get for living in the dorms at university.”

You were sitting on a bench, your face hidden in your hands as you silently sobbed. The Resident Assistants wanted you to take care of it, but how could you?

Your crying was the first thing Joshua heard when he came out of his late study session at the library, and your scent in the strong breeze the impression that gave him the near animalistic urge to find you. He didn’t say a word to Seokmin as he ran off, following his nose.

It took all of your self control not to bang your head against the bench, so instead you were pulling your hair and biting your lip hard enough to bleed. Sobs racked your body, tears mixing with blood as they dribbled onto your shirt.

If he didn’t know better, Joshua swore his heart audibly broke at your pitiful sight before him. He was no expert for caring for strangers, and he didn’t to mess things up with his mate. He couldn’t help but sit next to you and wrap his jacket around you.

You stiffen and jump some at his touch, looking up at him horrified. You wanted to explain what was wrong, but you couldn’t. You were too upset to speak; you had gone mute. It wasn’t something that happened often for you, but you were so upset and now conflicted with such an ethereal man in front of you.

“Please, don’t hurt yourself,” He whispered, gently taking your wrists.

You wanted to hesitate, but his touch was so gentle and calming that you let him remove your hands from your hair. The stranger gently held them with his, and smoothed out your hair.

“What’s wrong? You can talk to me. I promise I won’t judge you.” He assures you.

Your hands clenched into fists and you shook your head. He was asking for you to do the one thing that you couldn’t give him.

So, Joshua tried to use his observational skills to understand what was wrong. Since you were in your pajamas with a bathrobe halfheartedly tied around you, and you were wearing slippers, his guess wasn’t too difficult. “Were you trying to sleep and couldn’t?” he gently asked, trying to get you to hold his hands so that you wouldn’t hurt yourself further.

When you nodded to his question, he continued. “Were your neighbors being noisy?”

You nodded again, and shakily withdrew one of your hands. You didn’t know why you felt so comfortable with him, a stranger, but you did. You unlocked your phone and showed him the messages between you and your friends.

“That’s not very nice of them. I’m sorry about all of that.” He tells you, and you nod.

Unconsciously, you lean into him some for comfort, making Joshua blush. “If- if you want… I have an extra bed at my place. It’s a bit far so I’d have to drive you. My name is Joshua, by the way.” He offers.

Despite Joshua being a stranger, you were too upset with the thought of staying at your dorm for the night. You nod and he helps you stand, whispering soft encouragements. “It’s alright, I’ve got you. Everything will be okay, I promise…”

Joshua wraps his arm around your waist when he notices your uncertain steps. Despite normally hating being touched after and during a meltdown, you didn’t mind his.

Joshua guided you to where his car was parked, and Seokmin was waiting. Seokmin was going to ask what was going on, but Joshua’s glare shut him up before he got a chance. You hardly noticed the extra male as Joshua helped you in the car and buckle up. You ended up falling asleep in the car, not waking up until the morning.

Joshua left you in his room, and he nearly shifted out of excitement for finding you. If it wasn’t for Seungcheol scolding him, he would have sat outside the bedroom door all night, waiting for you to wake up. Eventually, he managed to convince Jihoon to let him sleep on the floor in his room, since it was across from his and he could hear you if you got up.

You woke up with a start, your heartbeat increasing. You were in a new place with new smells, and you couldn’t remember how you got there.

There was a soft knock on the door, and the man you recognized as Joshua came inside. “Hey, I’m glad you’re awake. I have class in a half hour, and wouldn’t mind getting to campus early so you can change. Or you could always borrow one of my shirts…” he offered, blushing.

Checking the time, you realized you too would have class soon. Either way it was an awkward situation, so you nod and say, “Um, borrowing a shirt would be nice… if you don’t mind, that is…”

Joshua’s face lights up and he goes into the closet, picking out one of his favorite shirts that he thought would suit you. “Here, wear this. I’ll be in the hallway waiting.” He tells you, smiling and shutting the door behind him.

Joshua takes you to school, and oddly enough, the quiet car ride was not that awkward. He seemed a bit nervous and fidgety, but since you had just met, it didn’t mean much to you.

After you left you realized that you never got his number in order to give Joshua his shirt back. In actuality, you didn’t mind; it was a comfortable and cute shirt.

It was a few weeks later at the Super Smash Brothers Club tournament your college had that you saw Joshua again. One of your best friends, Jin, was the former president of the club. Now that he was in graduate school, he didn’t have time to run the club but did have time to still play. He was one of your first friends at college, and you eagerly took on his hobby.

You got butterflies in your stomach suddenly when the player with the gamertag Th8, who’s real name was Minghao, walked in the room with Joshua in tow.

You blushed as you made eye contact, and quickly retreated to Jin. “Jinnie Oppa~ he came…” You whined cutely, hiding slightly behind him. “Minghao mentioned last time how he planned on dragging a friend to the tournament and I thought it would be Seokmin so I could meet him and make fun of his gamertag… But it’s Joshua.”

“Is he the one who helped you out a few weeks ago?” Jin asked, setting up the broadcast on Twitch.

“Yes. And he’s super cute and I don’t want to like, scare him or something. I’m like, head over heels for him and I’m afraid he won’t notice me and my normally pathetic existence.”

“Your existence isn’t pathetic, and I already told you that I’m really sorry you couldn’t come stay with me. This time it was Jungkook and he’s no good when it comes to you-know-what.”

You pout slightly and sigh, leaning against Jin some and taking his hand. He smiled slightly and walked over to Minghao, you tripping over your feet as you followed, not wanting to leave Jin’s side.

“Hey Minghao, are you wanting to participate in the tournament? Your name isn’t in the brackets yet.” Jin said, smiling. “And what’s your name?” he added, directing the question to Joshua.

Jin noticed a flash of jealousy in Joshua’s eyes when he noticed you two holding hands, but said nothing about it. “Joshua. It’s nice to finally be able to come and meet everyone. It’s good to see you, y/n.” Joshua said.

You can’t help the blush that turns your cheeks pink as you nod. Minghao speaks up, not wanting to not answer his hyung, and simultaneously sparing you the pain of coming up with a coherent answer for Joshua.

“Yep, I was about to do that. I didn’t want to sign up because I wanted to make sure I could get him out of the house.” He chuckled, pointing to Joshua.

“Awesome. I’ll go start some of the games now then. If you want to sign up to, Joshua, I can show you how.” Jin offered, gesturing to his computer and offering his help.

“That would be nice, thank you,” Joshua responds, smiling slightly and following Jin to his computer.

Meanwhile, you snuck over to Mark, the current president of the club and say next to him. He was preparing himself for the tournament, and you grabbed your controller to join him. “Mark, I have an issue. Minghao didn’t bring Seokmin like we thought. He brought Joshua.” You tell him.

“And? It’s another of his pack mates. Maybe Seokmin is in rut or something.” He said nonchalantly, choosing to play Mario against your Kirby.

“I just hate it because my friends go missing for like a week and I get lonely,” you whine, doing your best rather than button smashing.

“Yeah. I’m not due until after finals, thankfully. Jin says his is in about a week, which is why he’s being so protective of you.” He responds, glancing back at Jin.

You looked too, only to have Kirby be beaten off the stage and die. Jin seemed to be in an arguement or at least a serious conversation with Joshua, which made you anxious.

“Mark, werewolves can have humans for mates, right?” You ask, causing him to accidentally commit suicide in the game.

He stutters and turns red, looking at you with wide eyes. “Why do you ask?”

You chew on your lip, eyes glued to the television screen. “I’m just curious,” you lie, afraid to tell him the truth.

“Yeah, they can. More often than a werewolf, actually. Mostly because there aren’t as many females. Not that there’s more males born, but it’s a genetic thing where they end up just human.” Mark explains, sounding as though he had an odd amount of knowledge on the subject.

You made a mental note on that, deciding to ask him for help and information if you needed to. His response cleared your head some, and you managed to not be destroyed miserably by him.

After the game ended, Jin gently took your hand, wanting to talk to you. “Hey y/n, can we talk for a minute in the hallway?” He asks, not giving you a chance to say no as you smile apologetically at Mark.

Once you were out of even werewolf earshot, he ran a hand through his hair and sighed, sitting down on one of the many benches in the building.

“I need to be honest with you. I asked to tell you first, and he got upset… but I just want you to know that if you’re scared I’m here for you, okay? It’s a lot to comprehend and I get it if your apprehensive and need time to talk it out and process it. I can keep you safe.” He said, punctuating his last sentence.

“Jin, what’s wrong?” You ask, sitting down next to him, wondering what has him so worked up.

“You probably figured this out or Mark told you, but Joshua is a werewolf… and, well Mark wouldn’t have known this, but… you’re Joshua’s mate.” Jin said, looking you dead in the eye for your reaction.

You’re shocked a little, but also pleasantly surprised. Above all, you’re afraid. Jin sees these emotions flash through your eyes, and opens his arms, welcoming you for a hug. Tears begin to form in your eyes and you shake lightly. You never expected this to happen to you, but now it was your reality. You had no clue what this would mean or how much your life would change because of it. Above all, you were afraid you’d mess things up and ruin the relationship you were apparently destined to have with Joshua.

Despite being afraid, you were also excited. The prospect of Joshua being perfect for you was a relief, and starting a relationship was something you’ve been wanting to do. It just seemed right.

You gladly embrace Jin, tears falling down your face and onto his shirt. You were overwhelmed, and Jin’s arms was a calming and gentle way to get yourself grounded.

Jin gently hushed you as you cried, brushing his fingers through his hair just the way you like it.

“What did you do?” You hear Joshua say, his voice accusing, angry, and sad all at once. “I thought you said she wouldn’t freak out as much if you told her!” He says, clearly frustrated.

A soft whimper left your lips, and you heard a rumbly whine fall from Joshua’s lips. You could tell how upset he was, and it didn’t help your situation.

“She is. She’s not having a full blown meltdown, but this kind of thing can be difficult for y/n to process. Like I said, she’s autistic so cut her some slack. Be a little more empathetic and try to understand.” Jin protectively growled.

Joshua growled back deeply, and your flight response kicked in to get away from the two predators. If Jin’s arms were not secure around you, you would have ended up halfway across campus.

Joshua shifted on his feet, torn between not wanting to back down but also to prove himself worthy of you by getting you calm. He sits down next to Jin, facing you.

“Y/n, I don’t mind taking things slow. I want to get to know you, and will never ever pressure you into doing something you don’t want to or aren’t perfectly comfortable with doing. And if you want, I’ll leave for the tournament or walk you to your dorm, if you’d prefer.” Joshua says slowly and gently, not wanting to upset you further or give you too much information at once.

You start shaking, and Jin gently rocks you. “I want my weighted blanket,” You mumble softly. You thought only Jin would hear, but Joshua easily heard as well.

“Why don’t we get you back to your dorm, hmm? Then you can have your weighted blanket, okay?” Jin assures you, trying to get you to look at him.

When he finds your eyes red and face tear stained, his heart breaks some. Joshua fares worse, and bites his lip harshly to keep from making things worse by getting upset and setting up over the edge on accident.

“Do you want me to walk you back?” Joshua offers, rubbing the back of his neck and feeling awkward.

Your get butterflies in your stomach at the thought and nod, standing up and taking Jin’s hand.

“Let’s get your things, yeah?” Jin responds, guiding you to the game room. He gently ushers you to Joshua and gets your things for you.

You are unsure of yourself because of how overwhelmed you were, but you took a few steps towards Joshua. You end up stumbling, and he easily catches you so you fall into his arms. You stay there for a moment blushing, pulling away to take your backpack from Jin.

“Do you want me to walk with you?” Jin asks, searching your face.

You shake your head no and hug him softly, his embrace a comfort once again. A brief smile flashes on your lips, and Jin knows it’s not genuine but that you are trying. He nods as you turn and leave, Joshua by your side.

Not really knowing what to say, you walked outside, leading the way to your dorm. When Joshua picked that up, he went ahead and began a conversation.

“I’m a business major and in my last year. I was thinking about getting a masters, but I should probably start working first. I have had a good internship for the past two years, and they offered me a full time position. I enjoy it, and it’s not just deskwork. There’s a good amount of networking involved, which is good and bad. It means I’ll have to travel a bit, but I don’t mind. What’s your major, y/n?” Joshua says, his hands in his pockets.

“English. Specifically Literature. My minor is history, because I’m that person.” You respond, giggling a little. “I don’t want to teach. I will have one year left, so I will have to study to get into graduate school. I want to be a librarian.”

Joshua nods, rather impressed. “What kind of degree do you need for that then?”

“A masters in library science. It’s an interesting field, and not just public or school libraries. I think I’d like to work in a university library. I enjoy research.” You admit.

“That’s really neat. What schools are you looking at for that, do you know?” Joshua asks, easily keeping the conversation going.

“Well, there’s a good amount but a lot are hybrid courses and online. I was planning on going in person, but you also have to make sure the school is accredited… But I might not be able to do that now…” You shyly admit, glancing at him as you made it to your building.

Joshua said nothing, wanting to see how things would work out. “Do you want me to walk you to your room, or-?” he offered.

“Um, well… I still have your shirt, so I can give that back to you. Why don’t you come in?” you respond, opening the door with your student ID and letting Joshua in.

“Oh yeah, I nearly forgot about that,” Joshua admits, his ears turning red.

“I’m not sure how clean it will be, so I’m sorry if it’s not. My room itself will be fine, I’m just worried about the living area…” You admit. You were friends with one too many werewolves, and for the rare occasion that they would come over, you always made sure to clean beforehand.

“I normally go up the stairs, because sometimes the elevators smell like vape. Even though they aren’t supposed to vape inside. Plus it’s good exercise… or so my mom tells me.” You ramble some, leading him up two flights of stairs. “And it’s not the worst, because it’s not four or five flights of stairs. So walking is fine.”

“I don’t mind it. Plus there’s the windows to outside too, which is nice.” Joshua responds, gesturing to the big window between the landings.

“It’s nice because I’ll know the weather before I go outside. So if I forget my raincoat or jacket I can go back and get it.” You tell him mindlessly, walking him to your door.

Thankfully, your roommates didn’t leave the room completely trashed, but your neighbors were being noisy… and probably having sex. Joshua’s nose twitched in disgust, and he frowned.

“Do you really have to listen to that a lot?” He asks as there was a particularly louder moan and a few thumps from above you.

“Yep,” you respond, popping the “p” as you went into your closet and procured his borrowed shirt.

“Are you living on campus next year?” he asks, tilting his head inquiringly.

“Yeah. I can’t seem to find roommates willing to live off campus, a place where I would have my own room, an apartment I can afford… The list is pretty long.” I admit, smiling sadly at him.

“Dang… Well, I can, uh, ask my friends if they know of anyone, if you’d like?” Joshua offers, already running through a list of who might know of someone.

“Yeah, that… that would be nice.” You admit, smiling some.

“Oh, by the way… Can I have your number?” Joshua asks, pulling out his phone.

You blush red as he unlocks it and adds a new contact, gingerly taking the device from him. “Yes, I’d love too,” You say softly, and you see him beaming out of the corner of your eye. You put your number in his phone, and he immediately texts you.

Joshua 😊

“I’ll leave you now, if you’d like. Will you be okay?” Joshua asks, tilting his head cutely.

“Yeah, I just… I need some time.” You admit, not meeting his eyes.

“Alright… well, you can text me if you have any questions or anything, okay?”

You nod and can tell he wants to say or do something else, but refrains.

“Will you be able to let yourself out? And not get lost?” You ask, looking down at your feet.

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me, y/n. I’ll see you around, okay?” Joshua responds, turning and leaving you.

#joshua fic #seventeen fic #julia writes #moonlight symphony #because you're my home #jisoo fic #svt #joshua #svt fic #joshua fanfic #joshua fluf #joshua angst #werewolf au #werewolf joshua #werewolf seventeen #werewolf!svt

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mlmsamatoki · 5 years

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I finally made this post like I said I would several months ago.

This is my OC, Cinnabar “Cinni” Tran, the Master of Luck!

(More information underneath and TW for brief mentions of abuse)

Fun facts

-Cinnabar is autistic, has ADHD, is 17 years old, nonbinary, aro, ace, and uses they/them pronouns.

-Their mom is Vietnamese and their dad is half Chinese and half Vietnamese.

-They have a younger sister named Mai.

-Cinnabar is very emotional, and you can almost always clearly tell what they are feeling by looking at their face.

-They honestly care too much about everything.

-They also like to exaggerate their facial expressions for humor or intimidation. Sometimes, there is no actual reason for them to exaggerate their face, but they just do it because why not????

-Speaking of humor, they find the most mundane or random things to be funny (picture a scale titled “The Humor of Cinnabar” ranging from a single letter of the alphabet to a lizard with an octopus body playing the drums).

-Cinni’s only emotions are Anger, Too Much Of This Shit, Needs More Of This Shit, Good, Bad, and ??????.

-They will aggressively criticize things that they believe are inaccurate, immoral, or just straight up terrible.

-Condescension, entitlement, ignorance, and feeling vulnerable are things that they hate the most.

-Their hand gestures are so elaborate and rapid that you’re more likely to pay attention to their hands rather than what they’re talking about.

-Cinnabar’s birthday is June 6th.

-They have a soft spot for children and will actually steal your toes if you’re a dick to kids.

-They believe in superstitions and will actually carry lucky charms/items around with them. In fact, they would collect abandoned items and keep them as lucky charms. A crusty rock with someone’s name on it? Lucky charm. A dusty book with indecipherable runes? Lucky charm. Creepy doll from an old abandoned house? Lucky charm. A rotting statue lying on the middle of the street? Lucky charm.

-Cinni pretends to be neat and organized while their room is always covered in piles of clothes, charms, and literally any other things they could get their hands on.

-Their lifelong special interest is nomenclature. They have memorized *tons* of information about systemic naming in multiple fields such as taxonomy, business, law, and chemistry. Heck, they even created their own nomenclature to categorize lucky charms and organize their journals.

-Another special interest they have is their powers. They’ve been analyzing them ever since they unlocked them, and they own several journals chronicling their abilities and development.

-Cinni named themself Cinnabar because red is their favorite color and represents luck in Chinese and Vietnamese culture.

-All the emotions or thoughts they don’t express manifest as internal rambling or screaming in their head.

-Cinni’s mind is always in a constant, mindless state of chattering, so it can be really hard for them to relax or focus.

-They try their best to be respectful of others and their boundaries because they’re a decent person.

-Cinnabar has a reputation for always being on time.

-Catch them walking around in circles while muttering unnecessarily long words.

-They really love spicy food and will probably try to eat a ghost pepper immediately on sight.

-They like swimming because moving around gives them Good! Feelings! And it’s stimmy.

-Honestly, Cinni is willing to do nearly anything that requires motion.

-They’re extremely loyal to the people they trust.

-Sometimes, they have the urge to stare into the sun for hours, and other times, they can’t even look at a bright color for more than one second.

-Cinnabar has mixed feelings about being mature for their age because on one hand, experience is the best teacher, but on the other hand, experience can also be traumatizing.

Backstory

-The Previous Master of Luck was Cinnabar’s grandmother, who returned to a quiet life after the Great Serpentine Wars and never disclosed her powers to anyone else besides the people who she fought beside. She passed on her powers to her daughter, who never unlocked them due to being unaware that she had them. Her daughter then passed her powers on to her firstborn child, who is, you guessed it, Cinnabar.

-When they were growing up, their parents would ignore their emotional and mental health, which resulted in them having for care for them themself, along with Mai’s.

-They were constantly guilt tripped by others for “not trying hard enough,” behaving “inappropriately,” or for being “too weird.” They were also told that they were too fragile, unmanly, and needed to toughen up.

-Other kids would take advantage of them since they were really naive and gullible. In fact, Cinnabar’s had many “friends” who manipulated them or found their “quirkiness” to be entertaining.

-As a result, they developed anxiety, poor self esteem, and fear of trusting others.

-On top of that, they would get into all sorts of trouble for fighting back against bullies, so they began practicing martial arts to finish fights in retaliation so that they wouldn’t be accused for escalating the problem. Ultimately, they still received punishments, but they decided that it was worth it since people would know not to fuck with them.

-The person they trust the most is Mai. Cinnabar loves talking about *anything* with her, and the two enjoy taking turns to infodump about their special interests.

-Cinni realized that they had powers at age 14 after everything dramatically happened in their favor for a week. At first, Mai thought that their claims were superstition-related but changed her mind after seeing them pull a Komaeda on a group of bullies.

-There had been numerous reports in Stiix about people mysteriously escaping near-death situations and people who were hit with sudden influxes of misfortune... Guess who caused all of them.

-Cinnabar was considered very intelligent as a kid and would absorb information from any books they had access to. Now, they suddenly can’t read every time they see a huge wall of text.

-Cinnabar was invited to participate in the Tournament of Elements but declined since they were wary of how suspicious the event seemed. Plus, they never told anyone that they were the Master of Luck so hmmmmm.

-When Stiix was overtaken by ghosts, they reached their full potential by saving their sister and other villagers from ghosts and helping them escape. Then, they absconded to New Ninjago City with their family and continued to live there until they and Mai left when they turned 16 and 14, respectively.

-Currently, Cinnabar and Mai have been traveling across Ninjago for over a year.

Elemental Powers

-Cinnabar can detect only every potential positive outcome, and in order to choose which outcome to act on, they must consider theoretical pros and cons and what would be the most beneficial.

-If an outcome is connected to a person, then it must be desired by that person in order to be deemed as positive.

-They can’t steal luck from people, but they can redirect it, which how they cause people to appear as though they are experiencing good or bad luck.

-Also, they charm items using their own luck.

-Cinni can manifest luck into power/energy that they can physically carry in their hands.

-They don’t know how to do Spinjitzu.

#ninjago #ninjago oc #oc t4g #original character #chucklefuckle #cinnabar tran

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the-reading-potato-blog · 5 years

Text

The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang

The review may contain SPOILERS Please proceed at your own risk.

So I woke up this afternoon with the urge to read something contemporary and I wanted to finish it in one day because I missed those days when I was free enough to do that.

So without any other ranting, these are my thoughts regarding the book:

I really enjoyed how Stella always had the urge to spoil Michael. I often found it the other way around in romance novels where the guy always spoils the girl so this was a really good change of pattern. Plus, it felt relatable to me as I often enjoy spoiling the ones that I love.

Throughout the book, I kept waiting to see more of Stella’s work as it actually fascinated me. I wanted to see a glimpse of her actually working and not just staring at the screen thinking about Michael or waiting for them to go out. I felt as if her work obsessiveness were only told to me yet not shown.

There was this scene after the breakup where Stella tried to find emotional escape through music. She started playing the piano but soon thought that the tune was too romantic and then proceded to play another one until she settled down and just bashfully hit the piano keys. That scene to me was very powerful. I could feel her frustration, her anger, and her sadness. it was very well written I found myself fully taken by my own emotions as if it was me who got hurt.

The thing that really struck me is that everyone was stuck in their own bubble. Both Stella and Michael were swamped with self-pity to the point where they neglected how the other person might be feeling in the relationship. I find myself in many situations like that before realizing it and just thinking for a moment to take a step back.

“That was his problem. He always loved too much. if he could just tear his heart out and stop feeling, he would be free.”

I often hear that I am “too much”, “too loud”, “too happy” and many other things and I have felt the same way the Michael is feeling in this quote. It was not until recently that I realized that “Too much” might not be as bad as people point out to be.

At the near end, Stella tried to counter reverse her personality. She tried to change her autism to the point where she actually thought about leaving her job. I really loved how she came to the conclusion that no man is worth giving up your life calling for.

“At her core, she would always be autistic. People called it a disorder, but it didn’t feel like one.”

I really loved this quote. I loved how it made me feel. I loved how as long as we are content with ourselves it doesn’t matter what people say.

“All the bars of his cage were gone, but he was still sitting in his old place afraid to move.”

Sometimes our biggest barrier in life is actually ourselves. We keep convincing ourselves that we can’t do certain things because of ridiculous reasons when in reality the only thing stopping us is being afraid of taking the risk of moving forward.

“She was still his charity case.”

At this specific moment, I legit wanted to pull my hair out in frustration

I kept thinking to myself, I know you are autistic and everything but you are really smart. You managed to create several algorithms that are the reason for many company’s successes yet still cannot figure this out?

I was really thrilled that the book didn’t only talk about autism but managed to show us. I cannot judge if it was portrayed well enough as I have never encountered a person with that certain type of autism. The particular scene I have in mind is when Stella obsessively flosses her teeth that she causes herself to bleed.

“Sometimes instead of confining you, a label can set you free.”

This quote is part of the author’s acknowledgments. I was really shocked that the author herself was an undiagnosed autistic her whole life. Not until a teacher at her school pointed out the possibility that her daughter might be one, she then unlocked the journey to her diagnosis. The acknowledgments are really inspiring. I now have the curiosity to look the author up!

Goodreads rating: 4/5.

#reviews

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clockwork-dinosaur · 6 years

Text

i wrote this almost two years ago now and cleaned it up last semester to turn in as an English project! i wanted to do something a little dystopian with a focus on family. i also wanted a nonbinary protagonist and an autistic character and main characters who aren’t white, and this is that! i could probably write this better now but overall i’m pretty okay with how it turned out

summary: young adult Yamni finally gets an apartment of their own; a new life for them and their younger brother. Unfortunately their past is not easily left behind and the stakes are high as they complete one final job for the criminal organization from which they escaped.

word count: ~8770

warnings: minor violence, misgendering

Yamni was used to silence in their apartment. It was often a comfortable silence, broken occasionally by the turning of a page or a cough, signs that told them that their younger brother was still awake and hadn't fallen asleep face first in his book again. Aariv wasn't one to break the silence with conversation, and nether were they.

That morning's silence wasn't comfortable. Aariv sat coldly at the dining table of the small, one-bedroom apartment they lived in, backpack at his feet and school uniform neatly pressed.

“Listen, if I had a choice, I'd send you back to Goodview, but we moved out of that school zone. I'm sure Washington is just as nice.” Yamni said softly, nibbling on the toast that both of them had every day for breakfast. Government rations didn't leave much room for variety.

Aariv shrugged miserably, breakfast untouched.

“And it's a first day for me too, remember? It's a day of firsts, we'll both get through it. When we get home tonight, we can talk about all the interesting stuff we see today, right?”

Another shrug. Yamni was used to Aariv not talking, but that morning it felt different. They decided to leave him alone, worried that they were coming across as overbearing.

“Love you, bro.” they said, standing and tossing the plastic dishes in the sink. They leaned down and hugged their brother, and he accepted the hug wordlessly, as he did most things.

“I need to go get dressed still, but I think school starts soon for you, right? Maybe you should get a move on. You'll be home before me, so I want you to do your homework as soon as you get home, alright?”

Aariv nodded, grabbed his backpack and headed slowly for the door.

“I was serious about the getting a move on part, dude.”

He sighed and walked normally. He opened the door and left the apartment, face set in an expression of wary annoyance.

Yamni sighed. Even after six years, they weren't used to playing the sole parent figure in Aariv's life. Their parents both ended up dead in a factory fire and left them with nothing. Thoughts of their parents left a bitter taste in Yamni's mouth, and they shook their head to clear it.

This morning was a fresh start. New school for Aariv. New job for Yamni. An apartment that wasn't overrun by rats and roaches. A chance to move forward, or at least give them a fighting chance to stay above-water. Yamni hoped that eventually they wouldn't rely on government assistance anymore, but that seemed unlikely.

They sighed as they pulled on the ugly jumpsuit that all factory workers were required to wear, stubbornly not thinking about the fact that it was nearly identical to the one their parents had zipped up into on that last day.

They picked up the folder on their nightstand that held their identification and everything they needed for the first day on the job. They nodded as they flipped through, making sure almost everything was filled out. The basics were all there, aside from the box labeled “gender” with two options- male and female. They left that one blank. Let their boss figure that one out.

They looked around the room one last time and nodded. Without a backwards glance, they left their apartment, locking the door behind them.

The gray factory loomed over the mag-lev train, windowless and more opposing as they got closer. Yamni felt a rare flutter of nervousness in their chest, but quickly shut it down. This was just another factory, just another job.

Unlike many of Yamni's previous jobs, this one was completely legal.

As the train whirred to a stop, Yamni straightened their back and stepped out with everyone else. They followed the crowd into the building, the scent of heated metal and gasoline quickly overwhelming them and making them nearly lightheaded. They coughed a few times.

Another worker, an older gentleman, glanced at them knowingly.

“Don't worry, ma'am. You get used to it pretty damn quick.”

Yamni nodded. “Thanks. I'm not a ma'am though.”

The man nodded slowly. “Sorry then.”

The rest of the workers were nearly silent as they took their places in the assembly line. Yamni walked through the rows of hulking machines and into the office.

“Hello, I'm Yamni Batra, this is my first day.” they said to the man behind the desk. He nodded once, typing their name into the terminal imbedded in the desk.

“Files?” he asked in a monotone. They passed them over. He didn't even glance at them before nodding.

“For now, you're on janitorial duty. That may change within the next few weeks, since this is your first day.”

Yamni nodded, already feeling boredom cloud their mind as he explained where the other cleaning staff could be found.

By the time the end of the workday rolled around, Yamni was more than happy to get back onto the crowded mag-lev train home and out of the loud, cramped factory. The jumpsuit felt too warm, and everyone bumping them made them want to scream. The hurried off the train and half-ran home through the dirty city streets. It was a cool evening, but the heat of the factory still seemed to press against their skin. They rolled their sleeves up, thinking longingly of the shower at home.

They went up the stairs to the small apartment, sighing as they got up. Yamni liked to think they had high endurance after all they've been through, but the day had taken a lot out of them and they were completely exhausted.

They turned their front door handle, bumping it a bit.

It didn't budge.

Confused, they unlocked the door, walking in to the dark apartment.

“Aariv?” they called quietly. With a pang of fear they checked the bedroom, hoping to see their younger brother in bed, his blanket pulled up to his short dark hair as it always was when he slept.

The bed was as neatly made as it was when he left for school.

Yamni's breath seemed to choke them as they looked in every corner of the tiny apartment.

“If this is some kind of joke Aariv, it isn't fucking funny!” they called, chest heaving. They scrambled for the house phone, dialing the number for Aariv's school with desperate fingers.

“Hello, Washington Middle School.” the bored voice on the other end droned.

“I'm looking for my brother, Aariv Batra. He's a student, in sixth grade.” Yamni said breathlessly, pacing.

“And you're his guardian?” the other person asked.

“Yes, Yamni Batra. Please, did he stay after school or something?”

“I can call his homeroom teacher and check for you, if you'd like?”

“Yes pl-” they started, before the on-hold tone began. They took the time to change out of the gray jumpsuit and into an old pair of jeans and a t-shirt, the phone still held to their ear. They pulled their hair back into a short ponytail. A few minutes later, the hold tone ended and the bored voice was back.

“He left with the rest of his class today. Is everything okay?”

Yamni didn't answer, bringing the call to an end with a shaking hand. Quickly, they ran out the front door, eyes wide.

Night had fallen completely, and the oppressive heat of the day had died down, the air almost freezing against their overheated skin as they traced the steps to their brother's bus stop. Yamni wasn't sure what that would accomplish, but just staying at home alone while Aariv was out there, lost or worse, was useless.

The streets were quiet, most people at home. With curfew only a few hours away, most stores were closed and nobody wanted to risk being out too late.

Their heartbeat nearly matched the speed of their footfalls on the pavement as they ran, breathing erratic from fear.

They reached his bus stop within a few minutes, looking around for anything; his backpack, him playing or waiting or lost, any sign that he was there.

The street was empty.

Yamni swallowed a scream, turning and walking back they way they came. They nearly ran up the steps to their apartment and stopped dead in front of the old, painted white door.

A familiar insignia was burned into it, crossed daggers above a rose.

They felt their heart stop. Shook their head, rubbed their eyes, anything to convince themself that they were only seeing things. Shaking fingers traced the brand, still warm beneath their fingers.

They knew where Yamni lived.

With trembling hands they opened the door, resisting the urge to scream in the empty apartment. They closed the door behind them and locked it, knowing that that action was futile. If someone really wanted to get in, one lock wouldn't stop them.

Yamni allowed themself ten minutes. They dropped to their knees on the floor, tears burning their way down their cheeks as they pressed their balled fists to their temples.

“Fuck, fuck!” they repeated in a whisper, angry and terrified.

They knew who had Aariv. Their former employers had found them.

Yamni knew that life wouldn't be easy for two orphans with nearly nothing to their name. The factory would only pay expenses for six months after the death of their parents, and after that Aariv and Yamni were on their own.

Yamni also knew that they would do anything to keep Aariv with them and out of a government orphanage, to be nothing more than a laborer for the rest of his life. After the factory stopped paying them and the bills came in, Yamni took Aariv and ran. They knew how reckless that was, but desperation made them stupid. After two months on the street, hiding from cops in back alleys and stealing old food from stores, Yamni was ready to do anything to find money for a place to stay, if only to keep Aariv safe.

Anything, including armed robbery and mugging.

That's when Daniel came along.

He looked like an easy mark. Blonde hair slicked back, suit expensive, face buried in his cell as he walked down the empty street at a leisurely pace.

Yamni, though thin, was very strong, and they didn't hesitate to pull the man aside into a back alley and press the blade of their knife to his throat.

“Your money, now!” they barked.

The man only smirked. “That your brother over there?” he asked, undisturbed by the six-inch blade that was only one muscle twitch away from severing his jugular as he tilted his jaw at Aariv, who stared out from behind a dumpster with wide, dark eyes.

“Don't you fucking look at him! Give me everything you got, now!” Yamni demanded again.

He smirked, then before Yamni could even follow his movements, he had both of their arms behind their back and their face pressed to the ground.

“Yamni!” Aariv cried, taking a step toward the two.

“Get back!” they demanded, writhing underneath the knee on their back.

“You're not scary, kid.” the man said, right in their ear. “But I can see you being quite formidable, given a bit of training. I have a business offer for you.”

Within a week, Yamni and Aariv found themselves in a compound of sorts. Though there were no official borders around the area, Yamni knew where they and their brother were supposed to be at all times. As generous as the man's offer was, he was not a good man, and they didn't want to risk crossing him.

Yamni found out exactly what kind of work offer Daniel had given them once they were instructed to put on a heavy winter coat in early fall.

“Isn't it a bit warm for this?” they asked him. He smirked.

“Well, we can't have you just carrying around a bag full of cocaine, now can we?” he laughed at Yamni's horrified expression.

“This jacket-?”

“Yes, it contains a few grams. It's a special kind of cloth, one that confuses drug sniffers. You could walk right by a police station and nobody'll bat an eye. I wouldn't recommend it though.”

“Why am I the one who has to wear it?”

“You're young and innocent-looking, kid. Nobody's going to stop you and search you for drugs. But you need to stop looking so scared or people're going to ask what's wrong. You and your brother want to stay here, right? Food and board and all that?”

Yamni nodded slowly, to Daniel's pleasure. “Then you'll do what I ask.”

That wasn't the last time they put on that jacket. After a few months, Daniel had them running more and more dangerous things, the bottom of the jacket slightly heavy under the weight of a firearm or illegal tech.

On one of Aariv's rare talkative nights, he asked them a million questions, most of which they refused to answer, the information too sensitive to be told. But Yamni knew exactly who and where much of the drug dealers in the city were. This wasn't information that a child needed, and knowledge that would get him hurt if he had it.

Yamni had idle thoughts of taking the goods for themself, selling it for a higher profit than Daniel was giving them. They knew they'd be dead within days of doing that, and Aariv as well.

So they suffered. Collected every cent that Daniel gave them. And years later, they had enough to run, to get their own apartment with their brother on the other side of town, and start their own life.

Yamni knew, deep down, that running would never have worked. Their idealistic thoughts were shattered by the silence of their apartment, the lack of her brother's warmth and presence making the cramped apartment seem huge and empty.

A few minutes passed before they wiped their tears away, taking a few deep breaths. They had nothing left to do except go back to Daniel and demand their brother back.

They shuddered as that man's face crossed their mind, a wave of revulsion tearing their stomach in two, but worry for Aariv overshadowed that.

The clock on the wall showed ten at night, an hour left until curfew. Taking the mag-lev wasn't an option, their recreational travel pass had expired years ago. With a sigh, they re-laced their work boots and headed back out the door.

Being a runner for Daniel and his crew had some benefits. Yamni knew how to get from one end of the city to the other, avoiding main traffic ways and hotspots of police activity, in under half an hour. Fear for their brother and anger at Daniel had them going faster than they had before, and before they could formulate a plan, they were in his territory. It was exactly how they remembered it, the buildings' windows dark as they walked through the empty street. They knew that they were being watched from the moment they'd stepped over the unspoken territory line. They were unsurprised when they found their path blocked by two men, faces unfriendly as they stared Yamni down. They walked up to the men confidently, jaw set and eyes hard.

“Take me to Daniel.” they demanded.

“You don't make the rules around here.” the man on the left growled.

Yamni raised an eyebrow. “Then I'll take myself to Daniel. Get out of my way.” they threatened.

“Come with us.” the man said.

“Only if we're going to Daniel.” they insisted.

“Listen here, you runaway little shit-” one man started, taking a step toward Yamni as he reached for the knife at his hip, before being interrupted by a deep voice from one of the buildings.

“That's enough, boys.” Daniel said, stepping out into the street. “I know why the little spitfire's here. Just a friendly chat, nothing more.” he said, tone friendly.

“Give me back my-” Yamni started, before Daniel raised his hand. Immediately they stopped, then scolded themselves for doing so.

“Follow me and all of your questions will be answered honestly.” he said, turning and going back into the building. Yamni followed with their jaw clenched and their fists balled.

“You try anything in there and I'll have you dead in a minute!” one of the burly men called after them. Yamni ignored him, slamming Daniel's door behind them.

“Why the hostility, my dear?” Daniel ashed innocently, hands folded behind his back as he made his way into his office.

“You know why I'm here, you fucking bastard. Give me Aariv.”

“Why all these demands? You know I'm treating him well.” Daniel said as he stood behind his desk. Yamni slammed their hands down in the desk, shaking from fury.

“That's not the point and you damn well know it.” they hissed. “Why would you even take him, you bastard? He's a child!”

Daniel grinned. “You're here, aren't you? What else would get you here so quickly?”

Yamni shuddered as they realized how easy it was to get them here, angry and with no plan. They had done exactly what he wanted them to- they had no choice but to play his game.

“What do you want from me, Daniel? I left, but you saw it coming. You didn't try and stop me. You know I’m not going to tell anyone shit because I don't fucking care and I don't want to be bothered. I'm not a loose end you need to tie up. You didn't need to drag Aariv into all of this. So why?” “Because I need you to do one last thing for me. You think you've paid off all of your debts, that you didn't owe me anything? No, my dear. You've still got quite a bit of payment left to go before I let you leave.”

“Just tell me what you want and give me back my brother.” Yamni said.

“You and your brother can leave, after you do this last thing. Consider it your final payment for the kindness I've shown you over the years.” Daniel said smugly.

“Do I have any choice?” Yamni asked.

“Ask Aariv.” Daniel replied flippantly. “Now, take a seat. There's quite a bit I need to explain, and we're actually on a bit of a schedule.”

Yamni sat in the chair across from him, their dark eyes narrowed as Daniel pulled out several sheets of paper.

“Now, my dear, I've known you for a while now. You're quite the actor. You've got a sort of... confidence about you. You seem to belong exactly where you're at. That's one of the things I've always liked about you.” Daniel started. Yamni eyed him warily. Daniel slid a photograph across the desk.

The woman in the photo stared the camera down almost like a challenge, her black hair was long and straight as it fell down the back of her neatly-pressed suit.

“She's cute. But she's got nothing to do with me.” Yamni tossed the photo back on the desk.

“That's where you're wrong, dear. See, maybe you don't see it but I certainly do, you look very similar to this woman.” Daniel said, holding the photograph up. Yamni looked over the woman again, more carefully,

“Maybe. My jaw line’s a bit stronger and her nose is more narrow, but I can almost see it. And of course, her hair is longer.” Yamni conceded.

“Yes, but with a bit of makeup and some temporary prosthetics, you'll be her twin.”

“Okay, hold on here.” Yamni said, holding up their hand. “Who is this woman? Why do I need to be her twin?”

“This is Anna Patel, the Indian ambassador.” Daniel said. “She was traveling through our city, staying in one of the nicest hotels here.”

Yamni's stomach dropped. “Was?”

“Well, now she's somewhat... held up. But we can't let her meeting with our president go unattended!” Daniel grinned.

“Are you... fuck, are you saying you want me to stand in for this woman?” Yamni asked breathlessly, heart hammering. “This foreign official? Who was meant to meet the president...?” They couldn't wrap their head around it.

Daniel nodded. “Yes.” he said simply.

“You're fucking insane. This isn't running drugs or other shit, Daniel. This is kidnapping and fucking treason. This isn't some petty illegal trade, it's grounds for execution.” Yamni said, hands balled into fists on the arms of the chair.

“This is big, my dear! Don't you understand who would pay for information directly from the president's meetings?” Daniel said intensely, his blue eyes bright.

“You've fucking lost it, man. I can't do this! I may be good at shedding crocodile tears to get out of some shitty situations, but this is miles out of my league!” The light in Daniel's eyes scared them. They knew he wouldn't be convinced of the futility of his plan.

“You can, dear! I know you can. And I'm sure Aariv is confident in your ability as well.” Daniel leaned back in his chair, a smug smile on his face as Aariv's name cut through Yamni.

“Let me see him.” Yamni sighed. “Then I'll decide.”

“You're acting like you've got a choice. You will do this. I decide when you see your brother, not you. Consider this a bit of a punishment for running away in the first place.”

“Fuck you.” Yamni spat.

“Not interested. Time is of the essence, my dear. The train the dear ambassador is supposed to be on leaves at six in the morning and we've got quite a bit to go over before you're ready to go. Are you willing to take her place?” Daniel said, standing and offering his hand to shake Yamni's.

Yamni glared, shaking his hand once with a bit more force than absolutely necessary.

“Doesn’t really matter if I'm willing or not, does it?” they asked bitterly.

“This whole operation will go much more smoothly if you are.” Daniel replied. He walked around the desk and put his arm around Yamni's, much to their discomfort. “Now, I'm going to take you to a makeup artist or sorts. A bit more... high-profile than your average cosmetologist of course, but same basic job, right? And while she's making your face all different, I'll explain exactly what you need to do.”

“Fine.” Yamni sighed, indignant as Daniel led them out of the house and down the street with his arm still around their shoulders.

Yamni let out a sigh of relief when Daniel told them to wait at the base of the set of stairs, leading up to another, nearly identical house. He knocked on the door and a tall, imposing woman answered, her long brown hair pulled into a ponytail. She grinned widely when she saw Daniel at the door.

“Hia, Danny-boy! What can I do for you?” she asked.

“My dear Yamni needs a bit of a makeover! They're the one who's taking the trip for us tomorrow.” he replied. The tall woman looked Yamni over, then nodded.

“He could work pretty well as our stand in.” she said with a nod.

“I'm not a he.” Yamni corrected automatically.

“They?” she asked. Yamni nodded.

“You can't correct people like that while you're standing in for the ambassador.” Daniel said coldly.

Yamni's jaw clenched. “I know that, I'm not a fucking idiot.” they snapped.

“Why don't we take this inside!” the tall woman said, falsely cheery. She led the two inside, closing the door behind Yamni.

“My name is Isa, by the way. It's nice to meet you.” the woman said.

“Yamni.” they said with a polite nod.

“I completely understand the whole correcting people when they call you by the wrong pronoun thing, by the way.” she said with a knowing smile. “It becomes second nature. And it's my personal opinion that you should keep correcting them.” she paused. “Though Daniel's right. Not while you're playing the ambassador.”

“Is now really the time?” Daniel asked, impatience tinging his voice. “We've got less than seven hours before that train leaves and I've still got a lot to explain.”

“Before you explain anything, I need to do some work here. You do look a lot like the ambassador hon, but you still need to be fitted with some prosthetic facial enhancers, and, well...” she mimed breasts, cupping her hands over her chest. “Ya know? So that's gonna happen first, okay? And the fewer people in the room for that, the better.” Isa said pointedly. “You know where the living room is, Danny.” she said sweetly, putting her hand on Yamni's shoulder and leading them into another room, filled with containers haphazardly stacked on shelves and filled to the brim with what Yamni could only assume were costume supplies.

She sighed as she she closed to door. “I fuckin' hate him.” she muttered.

“Then why do you stay?” Yamni asked.

“He helps pay for things I need. Hormone replacement isn't cheap. I can deal with him though. He's just a fucking prick is all.” she shrugged. “And I'd rather not be aiding a damn criminal, but... sometimes a situation's out of my control.” she paused and looked at Yamni with a sheepish smile.

“Sorry. I talk a lot. Let's get started.” she said, rooting through one of the boxes. “Do you bind your chest or are you naturally flat-chested?” she asked.

“Uh.” Yamni said, slightly uncomfortable as heat rose up their neck.

Isa paused. “I'm sorry. This is going to be pretty awkward, but if you're figured out as an imposter, it's your head on the line. Daniel's covering his tracks. You're the one who's going to take one for the team, and it's not even your team.” she sighed. “I want to help you not get caught and killed because of Daniel's crazy scheme. It's the least I can do, right?”

Yamni nodded. “Thank you. This is so different than anything I've ever done, I'll need all the help I can get.” they admitted. “And I'm naturally somewhat flat-chested.”

“A-cup?” Isa asked, looking through the box.

“Yeah.”

Isa nodded. “I'm definitely going to have to give you prosthetics then. They won't bother you or anything, will they? You know, dysphoria-wise?”

Yamni shook their head. “Not with such a short time. And I feel like I'll be... preoccupied mentally, with everything else. I'll be fine.” Isa nodded again.

“Aaaand you're pretty small, so there might need to be a bit more padding in the clothes. You're just about the same height as the ambassador, so you won't need heels or anything, that's good. Flats are easier to walk in... or run, if you need to.” As she spoke, Isa gathered clothes, makeup, and other things Yamni didn't quite see into a pile on a table.

“Now, try this on if you wouldn't mind, there's a screen over there.” Isa said, handing Yamni a professional-looking business dress and blazer. “I just need to see where I should add some padding and such. Luckily, you'll only be standing in for the ambassador for one day, so you'll only need one set of professional clothes.” Yamni nodded and changed quickly, looking in the mirror with distaste.

Isa looked at them critically. “You look like a kid playing dress-up.” she said bluntly. Yamni opened their mouth to argue, but Isa raised her hand, shaking her head. “That isn't your fault, and I'm not trying to be rude. The ambassador has fifteen years on you, give or take, and you're still not padded out. And you're still growing.”

“I'm twenty-three.” Yamni said.

“Oh. I mean, I was close. I thought you were like seventeen, for cristssake. Twenties or not, you're still too young to be doing this.” She muttered.

“I wish I didn't have to.” Yamni snorted.

“If... you don't mind me asking, why are you doing it then? You ran off before, why not go again, start over. Maybe leave the city if you can.”

“Daniel, that bastard, has my eleven-year-old brother. Won't even let me see him until I do this.” Yamni's blood began boiling, speaking through clenched teeth. “I have no choice.”

Isa's eyes were wide. “I knew he wasn't a good man... But kidnapping a child? That's a new level of low.” she shook her head. “I'm so sorry, Yamni. I'll do my damnedest to make sure you get through this.”

“Thank you.” Yamni said with a sigh. “I just can't wait for this shit to be over.”

“I understand. Let's get on with the padding and such, okay? And in a few days you'll be home and you never have to think of any of this ever again.” Isa said, smiling as encouragingly as possible. Yamni returned the smile halfheartedly.

An hour later, Yamni couldn't recognize the person looking at them in the full-length mirror. That person was at least thirty, with wider hips and larger breasts than Yamni had. That person was decidedly feminine. Yamni glared, a facial expression that was decidedly theirs.

“Well, you may not like it, but you absolutely look like the ambassador when you don't have that murderous expression on your face.” Isa said, looking at her handiwork. “The makeup is extremely long lasting, believe me. You'll definitely be fine for one train ride and meeting.” she said. “Now to show the completed product to Daniel.” she opened up the door, and walked out, presenting Yamni with a flourish.

“It took you long enough.” Daniel said, stern look directed at Isa.

Isa waved her hand nonchalantly. “You can't rush these things, Danny-boy. And Yamni here looks exactly like our dear ambassador, amiright? You have to admit, I did a fantastic job.”

“That you did.” he admitted. “Now, it's time to talk about what you need to do.” He sat in one of Isa's plush living chairs casually, crossing his legs comfortably.

“Are you discussing this in my house?” Isa asked, eyebrows raised.

“It's not like I can take them elsewhere at the moment. The transport won't be taking Yamni to the train station with the decoy guards until six in the morning. It's past curfew.” Daniel said smugly.

“That's never stopped you before.” Isa challenged.

Daniel stood and opened up his dark blue blazer, showing the 10mm on his hip.

“You really want to argue with me, Isabelle?” he asked casually. Yamni watched Isa freeze, her eyes wide.

“Daniel, for fuck's sake!” Yamni cried. “Put that way, you're scaring her for no reason, you asshole!”

A silent, tense moment passed before Daniel let his jacket fall, sitting back down. He gestured at the couch in front of him. “Sit.”

Yamni sat stiffly on the couch.

“You can leave, Isa.” he said, waving her off. Isa left without a word.

“You're a fucking prick, you know that?” Yamni said.

Daniel shrugged. “That doesn't matter. What matters is you getting the information I need.”

“What made you go from small-time smuggler to a fucking kidnapping anti-government spy and criminal informant?” Yamni hissed.

“The money, my dear! I can get millions for any government information, anything that will help other groups cause some trouble and unrest.”

“You're going to help the anti-government crazies for money? I mean, I know you're a greedy dick, but that seems a bit too high-stakes, even for you.”

“Well, consider this then- the more general unrest there is, the more people will want to feel protected with weapons, or want to feel calmer with some self-medication. More business for me.”

Yamni shook their head. “You're fucking nuts, man.”

“So says you. But we aren't talking about me right now, miss ambassador Anna Patel. You need to nail down her mannerisms and voice perfectly.” he said.

“I'm no actor.” Yamni said bitterly.

“Anyone can learn with a bit of persuasion. I've got a few videos and such here, and those will explain her political affiliations and opinions as well.” Daniel said, pulling out his cell and enabling the hologram screen.

“I don't think watching some videos is going to help me here, Daniel.” Yamni said doubtfully.

“Well you'd better learn all you can, my dear. We don't have too long until your transport leaves. You've got to learn all you can.”

Yamni glared as the video started. The ambassador's voice was a bit lower than theirs, and had more force behind it than Yamni had. Yamni could hear her years of experience in her voice.

“You are rather lucky though, the ambassador isn't expected to speak so much in this meeting, she's only there to represent her country, not to give a speech. You could play off any vocal issues as a sore throat.” Daniel said, as he loaded up another video.

“I think I understand her voice now.” Yamni said, trying out speaking in the unfamiliar voice. They felt absolutely ridiculous.

“Hm. Almost. You need more conviction behind it, maybe just a bit lower. And don't make that face while you speak, you need make everything look natural.”

“When the hell did you become a professional actor?” Yamni said, dropping the voice. “I can't do this, it's useless and far too risky.”

“It won't be useless if you pull this off without an issue, and it's not risky if you do everything I say.” Daniel said, standing and glaring at Yamni, finger jabbing the air as he made his point. “Now, you will do this, my dear. Any more dissension and Aariv will face the consequences.” Yamni's blood went cold and they nodded, jaw clenched.

“Now,” Daniel said as he sat down, “this video will better explain the ambassador's mannerisms when confronted with views she disagrees with...”

Yamni's nerves spiked as six in the morning approached. They looked at the clock with a pounding heart as Daniel stood.

“Well miss Patel, good luck in your meeting with the president.” Daniel said with a kind smile. Internally, Yamni shuddered, but plastered a friendly smile on their face as Daniel stood.

“And of course, one last thing.” he said, pulling a box out of his pocket. He took a step closer to Yamni, a few inches too close for comfort. “You need to wear this of course. Your clothes already have bioscanner tricks in them, I made sure. But this will make everything one hundred percent certain.” He smiled as he gently moved the long black wig from the back of Yamni's neck and clasped a small round pendant around their neck. It felt strangely warm on their skin and far too heavy for its size.

“And this will act as a very high-quality recording device.” he said, taking Yamni's wrist and slipping a bracelet on. “To start it, simply twist the gem.” he said, tapping it. Every touch from Daniel made Yamni's skin crawl, and as soon as they were able, they took a step back.

Daniel looked at his watch with a smile. “Your transport to the train station is almost here, miss Patel. You'd better get ready to go.”

Isa stepped into the room hesitantly. She refused to look at Daniel as she stepped up to Yamni, handing them a purse.

“This has makeup and such in it, if you need to touch anything up.” she said stiffly. She softened a bit as she focused on Yamni. “Good luck, Yamni.”

They nodded. “Thank you again, Isa. For everything.”

“Enough. It's time for you to head out, your transport is here and you don't have time for this.”

Yamni took a deep breath, clutching the strap of the purse to feel grounded. They had no clue what to expect, but Aariv's life depended on them. They took another deep breath, straightened their back, and walked out the front door.

The car waited for them in front of Isa's house, black and slick in the early morning light. Yamni walked with as much confidence as they could manage, stepping into the car. The man behind the wheel glared. Yamni glared right back, recognizing the man from the night before.

“I can't wait to never see you again.” Yamni said.

“Fuck off.” the man replied, and he began driving.

“How'd Daniel manage to get a car anyway? You need a government pass and a shit-ton of money for private vehicles.” Yamni said, after twenty minutes, the curiosity overtaking their dislike of the man.

“This is your car, ambassador Patel.” the man said sarcastically.

“Daniel stole this car? Are you fucking serious?”

“Kidnapping the ambassador was a bit more complicated than originally thought, and we needed a quick get away. Now are you going to shut up and let me focus or are you going to bother me the whole way to the train station?”

Yamni leaned back in the seat, staring out the window at the passing buildings that reached for the sky and scrapped the clouds. It had been years since they'd been in a car, and they were enjoying the ride despite the situation. Sadness wrapped around their throat when they realized how much Aariv would have enjoyed the ride as well.

The ride was over far too quickly for Yamni's comfort. They stepped out of the car into the crowded station, the large man cutting through the crowd, acting as Yamni's body guard. Yamni let themself slip into the role of Anna Patel, walking confidently and not making eye contact with anyone as they walked onto the posh government car of the train.

Aariv could speak, if he really wanted to. He rarely saw a reason to, and he was silent even as he was grabbed from behind and pulled into a back alley. He didn't call for help as he was shoved into the back of a black car with heavily tinted windows, and it didn't occur to him to do anything than stare, dazed and afraid, at the driver. The burly man didn't look at the boy as he pulled out of the alley with a screech of tires, nobody around to notice as the illegal car sped down the road and away from Aariv's home.

When he was pulled from the car by a man twice as tall as he was, he didn't say anything.

When he was presented to Daniel without a word from the henchman, he didn't say anything.

When Daniel stared him down, one eyebrow raised and a smug expression on his face, he finally spoke.

“Fuck you.”

Daniel laughed once, a harsh bark that cut through the room. “That's it? That's what you're gonna greet me with? Goddamn, you're just like your sibling.” The man stood, walking around his neat mahogany desk and pinching the boy's chin between his fingers.

“Listen here, brat. You're expendable here. You're a pawn. You, I don't need. Your sibling is the one I’m trying to get a hold of. And any minute now, Yamni will come through that door, spitting fire, and they will do everything I say. Wanna know why?” he asked, leaning in close. The boy's deep brown eyes bored into the older man's.

“Because, if they don't I will kill you. I will kill you slowly and make them watch every single second. And if you're rude I might just do it anyway. So don't fuck with me, kid.”

With that, Daniel let go of Aariv. Aariv didn't react, only watching with a deep frown as Daniel walked back around his desk and sat in his plush leather office chair. Daniel gave him a wide smile, throwing his arms open in welcome.

“Welcome back, kid.”

Aariv said nothing, of course. He had very little contact with Daniel, even while Yamni was working for him. All he knew was that he was a very bad man, cunning and ruthless. Yamni never admitted it but Aariv could tell- they were afraid of him. After they took Aariv and left, they seemed happier than he had seen them since before their parents died.

Aariv's frown deepened. Coming back wouldn't be good for Yamni, and whatever Daniel needed them for was bound to take a toll on them. For the first time since being thrown in that terrifying position, Aariv was afraid.

The next hour was spent in silence. Aariv staring Daniel down as the man went about his own business undisturbed by the murderous stare of the eleven year old boy. It wasn't until a man came in, his face set in a permanent scowl saying that they were here, did Daniel look at Aariv again. He seemed to make a split-second decision and pointed at Aariv.

“Take him downstairs. Don't let him make a sound.” With that, Daniel left the room, leaving Aariv with the angry man.

Aariv opened his mouth, but before he could scream or call out, the man's fist lashed out and everything went dark.

It took a moment for Aariv to remember what happened to him. He sat up quickly, a soft blanket falling off of his shoulders as he blinked into the dimly lit room. He was on a soft couch, a pillow underneath him and a blanket wrapped around him. A woman sat on a chair nearby, looking nearly as caught off guard as Aariv felt.

“Hia,” the woman said, her low voice comforting. Aariv only stared at her, sitting up on the couch and kicking the blanket off.

“Uh, I'm Isa,” she said. “I know you're Aariv, Yamni's brother. And I know you must be scared.” She stopped and took a deep breath. “I'm sorry that you and Yamni are in this situation, but Yamni will be back soon, and you both can go on your way, safely.” She gave the boy her best reassuring smile. Aariv didn't react.

“Are you thirsty?” she asked. Aariv hesitated before nodding once.

“Is water okay?”

Another nod. Isa stood with a nod of her own and headed off to her kitchen, leaving Aariv alone to look around. Folded on a nearby table were Yamni's clothes, their boots sitting neatly on top. Aariv felt tears well up in his eyes. His head hurt and he didn't know where Yamni was, he was kidnapped and scared and suddenly it was all too much. With a gasp he broke into sobs, deep shaking breaths wracking his small frame as he hugged his knees close to his chest and let the tears flow.

Isa returned with wide yes, the water bottle in her hand all but forgotten as she sat next to the crying child.

“Oh hon, please don't cry, everything will be okay,” she muttered softly, rubbing Aariv's back in what she hoped was a comforting gesture. Aariv tolerated her touch, too caught up in his emotions to stop her anyway. He felt alone, even as the nice woman rubbed his back and cooed soft words.

He cried for ten long minutes, and part of him realized in a detached sort of way that he hadn't cried so much since his parents died. That thought brought on another wave of tears and another wound of comforting words from Isa.

Finally, the tears trickled to a stop. He took a few deep breaths that hitched in his throat. Isa offered him the water bottle, slightly closer to room temperature, and he took it gratefully.

Isa looked at the clock. “Yamni should be- no, will be back within the hour,” she said with a warm smile. “You're almost home free, kiddo, don't worry, okay?”

Aariv didn't bother to nod, and instead laid back down, his eyes watching the clock as the seconds ticked slowly by.

Yamni left the meeting room with shaking legs, flanked on both sides by body guards. Their mind reeled, trying to comprehend the things that were said in that meeting.

Daniel truly had no idea what he had thrown Yamni into.

The guards escorted Yamni back to the ambassador's car quickly, not letting anyone take a clear picture of them or letting anyone stop them for questions. Yamni hadn't needed to talk through the meeting, only turning on the recording device when it began and switching it off with shaking hands when everything was said and done.

The ride back to Daniel's place was silent aside from the rumble of the asphalt underneath the tires. Yamni only stared at the bracelet recording device that felt like it weighed several tons hanging from their wrist. Their chest felt too tight, their skin too warm and their clothes too constricting in the confines of the car. They had the overwhelming urge to throw themself, and the recorded meeting on them, out of the moving vehicle.

The only thing that stopped them was Aariv. The miles between them and their brother seemed to stretch on for years, until finally they turned down a familiar street and Yamni saw Daniel, his entire demeanor smug as the car rolled to a stop.

Yamni stepped out, their face already set in a glare as they looked up at Daniel up on the top of the stairs. He smiled down at them and threw his arms open.

“Now was that so hard?” he asked, before turning to the door and waving them to follow. Yamni did follow, their fists clenched and teeth gritted as Daniel swaggered into his office and sat at his desk. He held his hand open with a giddy expression. Yamni hesitated.

“You don't know what was said in that meeting, do you?” they asked, their voice low.

Daniel shrugged. “All I know is that it was some sort of exclusive thing, no press allowed inside. Anything said in there must be pretty damn important,” he said. “Now, give me the bracelet.”

“Daniel... this... oh, fucking hell.” Yamni dropped their glare. “Daniel, this information needs to go public, not just to the highest bidder. This is fucked up,” they nearly pleaded.

“I don't care,” Daniel said flippantly, but Yamni registered the doubt that flitted across his face.

“People could die,” they cried. “Daniel, they want to sent a bomb- a fucking nuclear bomb- across the ocean. They want to take out several countries, this will affect, no, this will fucking murder millions!” they shouted.

Daniel stared at Yamni, who gave him a terrified, pleading look in return. Daniel's expression hardened.

“That's not really any of our concern then, is it?”

Yamni blinked.

“Do you really think this won't affect us? Are you really such a stone cold bastard that you can't see that millions of people are going to die-”

“Shut up!” he shouted suddenly, standing and leaning over his desk to get in Yamni's face.

“This information is worth far more than I could have expected. Do you know how much the media would pay for this?”

“Do you know how fast the government would shut down every media station in the entire country?” Yamni spat back.

Daniel leaned back, sitting in his chair and tapping his fingers together thoughtfully.

“War. All-out atomic war. That would be bad for business,” he said quietly. Yamni gave him a dubious look, but didn't interrupt him as he seemed to speak to himself.

“I need to sell this information. I need to stop this from happening as well.” He looked up at Yamni. “No. You need to stop this from happening,” he said.

Yamni shook their head.

“No, I've done my bit. You need to deal with this yourself, I'm fucking done with your plans. I can't do anything anyway.”

“You do care and you know it,” Daniel said, standing again. “You, Ambassador Patel, can do something.” He looked at his watch. “It's still pretty early in the afternoon, you could easily get an audience with the President and make sure nothing bad happens.”

“You're fucking kidding me,” Yamni snorted. “You're nuts, I can't just walk into the president's office. What would I even do?”

“Kill him, obviously.”

Yamni laughed, a desperate giggle that that had no control over. “Of all the idiotic and downright impossible plans I’ve heard, that is by far the worst. I'm no damn assassin, Daniel.”

“Yamni, you could stop this war from happening. If the president's gone-” Daniel started before Yamni shook their head.

“You don't understand, they're all behind it. The vice president, the whole cabinet, every single ambassador in that room knew exactly what would go down.” Yamni shook their head again. “There is nothing we can do at all, Daniel.” Hopelessness made their voice crack, and for the first time in a long time, they sounded young.

Daniel took a step back. “I could make you do this,” he said casually. “Your brother is over at Isa's house, but I could easily send dome men over-”

“Fuck you! You don't understand, you bastard! I could kill the president, I could kill the vice president too, and this will still happen! Too many higher-ups are involved.” Tears streaked down their face, makeup rubbing away as they swiped at their eyes. “Everything is so fucked.”

Daniel slunk back to his desk and sat heavily in the chair. “When?” he asked.

“Next month,” Yamni said.

Daniel nodded. “Alright. I have an idea. I have a lot or connections, connections abroad, connections in the media. I can get this story out, and make a fortune off of it.”

“You really are such a greedy bastard,” Yamni sighed, unsurprised. “You could just give the information away, but you're still going to try and profit off of this.”

“That's business.”

Yamni shook their head. “You know what? I don't care. What the fuck ever, do what you want. I just want to go home with Aariv.” Exhaustion seemed to weigh them down suddenly. Daniel nodded once, sending a quick message, presumably to Isa.

A few minutes later, quick footsteps echoed down the hall and Daniel's office door was thrown open.

“Yamni!” Aariv fried, launching himself into his sibling's arms and squeezing them tight.

“Aariv,” they breathed, feeling his warmth and breathing easily for the first time in what felt like their entire life. “Are you okay?”

Aariv didn't reply, still clinging to Yamni with all the strength in his young arms.

“He wasn't hurt too badly, though there was an incident... Well, he is fine,” Daniel assured Yamni, who only glared in response. Isa nodded.

“He's okay, I took care of him.”

“We're going home,” Yamni said, picking their brother up.

“You need to change first,” Isa reminded them gently. Yamni looked down at their professional outfit and glared. With a scowl at Daniel, they handed Aariv off to Isa.

“Don't let him touch Aariv,” Yamni said, voice low. Isa nodded, and Yamni went around her, grabbing their clothes from the living room and locking themself in the bathroom.

Yamni had never changed their clothes so quickly. Everything about Danel's home was sickeningly familiar and they couldn't get out sooner. The threw the professional clothes in a corner and threw the door open. Daniel gave Yamni a smugly knowing smile. His demeanor radiated that he would be seeing Yamni again soon. Isa handed Aariv over quickly and, with a final glare at Daniel, left.

“Are we going home?”

Yamni flinched. Aariv's voice was weak and shaking from emotion and discomfort. They could tell he would take a while to recover from the ordeal.

“Yeah dude, we're going home.”

“Is it safe?”

Yamni had no idea how to answer that.

#original writing #writing

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