#the asexuality doesn’t prevent me from finding people aesthetically pleasing lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fandomfairyuniverse · 4 months

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10 bl boys that I want carnally (except I’m ace so not literally but more like in theory lol) aka my “god that man is pretty” list

I was tagged by @negrowhat (hi Eboni! *waves*) so here we go

Vegas-I really, truly hope that this isn’t a surprise like we all saw this coming

Payu-I’m not explaining this one akshsk

Win-like. Look at him

Kaeng-yes he’s an idiot but he’s a very pretty idiot. Also I have a thing for people in glasses

Shu yi-i understand Shi de I really do like COME ON

Phaya-the newest addition and. Yeah

Mork-he’s just stunning need I say more

Sand-first kanaphan that’s it that’s the post

King-this one is particularly hilarious because I did not watch bed friend and yet-

Yoohan-hwall is gorgeous what more do y’all want from me

And there we go! I’m tagging whoever wants to do this. Here’s your tag. Have fun my loves!

#pictures not gifs but shhh #also yes #I am aware that I have a Type ™#the asexuality doesn’t prevent me from finding people aesthetically pleasing lol #thank for the tag!!! I had fun #kinnporsche the series #love in the air #between us #y-destiny #west best love #the sign #last twilight #only friends #bed friend #color rush #is that all of them I really hope so

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yeswevegotavideo · 4 years

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(Found this in my drafts and thought I'd clean it up and actually post it lol. I'm not saying anything no one’s said before (and probably better), but I only started seriously thinking that I might be aspec a year or so ago, so this stuff's still pretty new for me, and I wanna talk about it!)

While I was investigating asexuality, and especially gray-asexuality, and trying to figure myself out (a job which is not remotely done btw), something clicked for me. My definition of "hot" or even of "attractive" seems to be wildly different than most people's, and I didn’t realize it until I started considering the possibility that I might be ace.

tl;dr: When I use the word, "attractive” I’ve never considered it to be synonymous with “person I want to have/might enjoy having sex with” and the fact that most people apparently do is utterly mind-blowing to me. I feel like one of those people who accidentally discover that they’re aphantasiac while reading a Reddit thread about imagination.

After the Cut: in-depth discussion of sex-favorable asexuality and sexual behavior, including the OP's thoughts on her own relationship to sex. Not particularly graphic, but sex-averse folks might want to give it a miss. Also, a long post.

I’ve looked at someone and thought, “Wow, they are hot (meaning, to me, pretty/handsome/otherwise aesthetically pleasing.)” Or, “Wow, I’d like to get to know/date them.” Or, “Wow, I’d like to snuggle with them.” Even, sometimes, “Wow, I’d like to kiss them.”

But I can basically count the number of times I’ve looked at another human being in a non-sexual situation, stranger or otherwise, and become sexually aroused or thought about sex non-deliberately on one hand. In nearly 40 years. (And probably TMI, but one of those times was literally while having sex with the person. Like, in the middle of the act I looked at them and got more aroused from the sight of them and it was novel and surprising and I almost stopped because I didn’t know what to do. And even then I’m still not entirely sure it wasn’t the circumstances I was reacting to, rather than the person.)

For most of my life, I didn’t understand the nuance between “aesthetically pleasing”, “someone I’d like to be romantically close to (snuggling, hand holding, non-sexual intimate touches like tracing skin or a massage)”, and “hot”. I honestly assumed they all meant the same thing. When I say I find someone attractive or hot, I mean they are pleasing to my eye, or I enjoy their personality, or they look like they give good hugs, or I want to spend time with them, or even that I get physically excited (heart racing, butterflies, etc) or imagine being romantically intimate with them when I look at them...but I basically never mean I get sexually excited or want sex at the sight or thought of them. Because I just...don’t.

I am very sex-favorable (a term I was delighted to discover, because it suits me quite well). I enjoy sex, I think it’s fun, I think it can be bonding (but certainly doesn’t have to be), I enjoy experiencing it with people I like or love. And sexual situations can be arousing to me (I like porn & erotica, for example. I mean I’d better, I write it, lol). But sex and attraction are separate entities for me, and the sight or presence of another person, even one I find attractive, does nothing for my sexual arousal or interest level. At all. The idea that I would automatically want to sleep with someone (or even be open to it) just because I find them attractive is bizarre to me.

And finding out that feeling sexual arousal/desire or thinking about having sex is often what other people mean when they say someone is hot is...eye-opening and a bit unsettling, honestly. If that’s what people typically mean when they say they find other people attractive (and according to my allosexual, if decidedly hypersexual, husband, it’s certainly what he means), how do allosexual people like, function?

Because really, the few times that it has happened to me, it was extremely intense and overwhelming, and I don’t even know that I enjoyed the experience. I mostly just felt bad because I was trying really hard not to stare and had a difficult time thinking straight.

I literally thought that people were exaggerating/being hyperbolic when they talked about seeing a hot person as like, a personal problem for them, or a distraction that prevents them from getting stuff done, derails their whole day. Did not have any idea that was an actual, real experience people had on a regular, perhaps even daily basis. Am still trying to figure out how I feel about that. I thought trying to be around someone I had a crush on was bad enough in that department, but trying to imagine experiencing that level of “cannot person” every time I see (or maybe even think about!) an attractive person is...whoa.

This starts to bleed into the whole, “I didn’t realize that other people really mean it when they say out loud that they wanted to fuck someone, and thought it was just the hyperbolic thing you say when you have a crush on someone” thing, and the ways in which that influenced my introduction to sexual interactions, but that’s honestly an entire post on its own lol

#asexuality #gray asexuality #sex favorable #sex favorable ace #ace confusion

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