#the amount of unfollows after *this particular post* has been more than anything before | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pjstafford · 3 years

Text

Letter to The Truly Like Lightning Book Club

I’m a person who likes to write, but I know I sometimes make spelling or grammatical mistakes which annoy people. I apologize in advance.

I do tend to be pretty open and honest about my feelings and I do feel deeply.

I kind of like social media to be upbeat and positive. I don’t really like to knock it too much when it isn’t. What’s the point!? Social Interaction between humans is sometimes problematic no matter what form it takes.

I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. When it is triggered I have a flight response. On Twitter that means making my Twitter footprint smaller. I want to be smaller to protect myself. Yesterday, though, it seemed like I was being told that as small as my footprint had gotten, I wasn’t small enough. What do I do now? How small can I go before I’m gone.

I truly don’t know where to go with something that is not a life threatening problem, not a rocket science issue, but is a little thing about a book club. I believe it was The Who who sang this is not a social crisis, but just another tricky day for you. This morning is a Tricky day. I am really wondering...

Do we cancel the book club?

Do we have a steering committee to organize it differently?

Do we go off twitter?

Do we have a different facilitator?

Should I leave social media, maybe shave my head and take a vow of silence?

How I feel about this is extremely foolish and really desperately sad with just a smidge of anger.

I feel foolish because I thought the book club was going really, really well. I have loved the discussion. It has deepened my understanding of the book which I already enjoyed. It’s been fun. Imagine my surprise to find out there are issues. The sad and angry piece is a little complicated. So let me put the issues out first since that is what the club needs to discuss today. This is the fourth book club I have facilitated on Twitter. It has been my most pleasant experience until today. Every club has been formatted exactly the same. Apparently this one might need some restructuring.

1. When is the appropriate amount of time following a book’s publication to allow to pass before doing a public book club where people who may not be in the book club could still see the discussion? People who might read the book in the future or had started the book and wasn’t as far along might have spoilers. It’s a valid concern, but Twitter isn’t known for being a spoiler free zone. If a program drops on the East Coast two hours before my time, before I can watch spoilers exist on Twitter. However this book dropped February 2 and we waited until March 1st to begin the book club. We have a # but when people respond they don’t always use the #. Also some people don’t follow me and they are not part of the book club but because people retweet the questions they were showing up on people’s timeline when they didn’t want them there. So the compromise we arrived at was no body can retweet any question or response and every response must have the #. I’m still confused, though, about the rules. Movies/television =immediate spoilers acceptable, books= a month to six weeks is too soon. I was told it’s not a matter of rules but being nice. Ok. I want to be nice but what is the appropriate time because sometimes I don’t read a book for years? If we postpone the book club for six months, a year, three years, thirty? With the compromise reached, why do I care? Because why are we being so quiet and circumspect about a book I think people ought to know about and read. Sometimes social media helps create a buzz. What a shame that a book club that is reading the book critically and in depth is, to some degree, being told to not be so loud because, you know, Twitter is a spoiler free zone. To be clear, I think the persons who raise the concerns did so for legitimate reasons and out of concerns for future readers of the book, but when we talk about the reasons I am sad and angry you will see why this upset me we much. it’s not their fault but I responded poorly and I’m still coming down from my PTSD spiral.

2. Perhaps, the problem is that Twitter isn’t the appropriate forum for a book club. Maybe Discord or private messages or zoom. Yes. This is the fourth book club I’ve hosted on Twitter. I was asked in March last year if I would start a book club due to quarantine. They’ve all been successful so far. Why do I feel so silenced? Again I don’t think the person who suggested this meant anymore than oh, let’s solve the spoiler problem. But I have a particular reason for not wanting to be silenced.

3. Some people have read the full book already and want to talk about the book in its entirety. I see that. I really do. I just have never had a book club like that. That means waiting longer. Some people like the chapter a day. Should we do multiple book clubs ?

4. Are the questions too serious? The subject matter is complex. Would a different facilitator be more appropriate? One who wouldn’t highlight the controversial and serious issues!

Why am I sad and a little angry? Why did my PTSD kick in outside of it being a bad year and a stressful time at work and I’m tired? Haven’t had a day off I a long while. (No complaints I have a job). I’m tired.

April 2017 I started the Twitter account @hearteyes4david. I had help but it was mostly me. I kind of love David Duchovny’s writing. I have blogged about it and have said someday he will have a break out novel. I believe Truly Like Lightning should be it. But the account showed love for all things David and I believe it gave some fans some fun. I enjoyed being a part of it. We had newsletters and contests. But for me, I an first and foremost a fan of David’s writing. I write. I admire writers. His writing should not be diminished by his other careers. In March of last year with the lock down I was asked to facilitate a Miss Subways book club, then the lock down went on so we did his other two books. Twitter and hearteyes have been my happy place in this year. It’s hard when your happy place feels threatening.

I was fortunate enough to get an advance digital copy of the book to read. Wow. Different! Great! It is not because I am 😍. This is one of the best books I’ve read this century. I am an avid reader. I have a critical eye. I wrote a spoiler free review. Almost immediately a fan contacted me. Because of spoilers you shouldn’t have posted this. Why don’t you do a DM for those who are interested? Don’t do spoilers. It’s a spoiler free review. This fan continued to tell me that it would be best not to post about the book. ( you know, spoilers). Then fans who had not read the book but knew for a fact that every other page was full of sex scenes and drugs and it was essentially exactly like Californication (not remotely) started saying nothing should be posted on the 😍 page about this book. Then a fan who hadn’t read it complained about how it handled religion and said it would cause her personal pain to see anything about this book on the 😍 page. I kept saying. I actually don’t care if you read it or not. My suggestion is you mute, block or unfollow the account if you don’t like the content. “But the pain, could we at least not do the book club? “. 🥺🥺🥺. I was convinced that rather than have the controversy on the 😍 page I would choose to leave my happy place account I had created to start a small account and my fan related activities became far more focused. It might not seem like much, but the decision to leave 😍 was hard, but I wanted to talk about this book. These aren’t the only reasons but the three pronged fans really angry at me for a book I didn’t write which wasn’t even published yet was challenging during the holiday season of 2020. I made my Twitter footstep smaller. I passed the account to Charmion who is doing great.

So then I waited till March to talk about the book. In the meantime “fans” who hadn’t read the book, immediately started to spread lies and mistruths about the book including selective out of context screen shots. So much for “Spoilers”. Still I waited until March. So now I have a smaller account followed by 100 people which very few “super fans” know about and about 5-7 of us are talking about this book. That’s it. For 18 days we have discussed the difficult, complex flawed characters and how the book demonstrates that these characters actions caused harm to other characters and yet left us with empathy for all. We have not always agreed. It’s a book club. Reading one chapter a day.

Yet somehow we are too loud. My tweets were being retweeted. You know, have to be concerned about spoilers. Were there 15 hate filled tweets from people who shared screen caps they were sent of random out of context paragraphs, people who proudly say they haven’t read the book, don’t need to, they’re experts, 15 for every one of mine. Of course. But I’m too loud. You know. Spoilers

So I am sad. Desperately so. I walked away from an account I had poured a lot of love into because I believed in a book I wanted to talk about. After being pretty involved in the fandom, my current activities are pretty narrowed. I’m not sure I can continue to facilitate the book club. I guess my days involved in “fandom” outside of being a fan are drawing to a close. My happy place is kind of gone.

I’m angry because this book deserves to be critically read on its merits. I’m angry because I don’t like my voice to be silenced. I’m angry because I think there are fans who actually like the book who are in fact concerned about spoilers, but they don’t realize by silencing or at least quieting the discussion of fans who have read and want to discuss the book, they are only allowing the space for the haters voices to be heard. I’m angry at myself because every step of the way I should have handle this differently. I’m angry because I shouldn’t care so much. It’s not a Jan 6 insurrection, climate change, or world peace. It’s a book by an author who don’t need me to fight these battles.

Finally I’m simply confused about where or what to do. With an account of 100 followers some people who don’t follow me think I’m too loud because I’m posting about something they don’t want on their feed (David’s book) and someone might repost me. Because I feel threaten by people telling me too get smaller my response is to try and get smaller. So I shouldn’t post about David’s book because there are people in he fandom who don’t want to see posts about David’s book. Ok. I should come on Twitter and never interact because that way no one will ever see a post from me they don’t want to see🤷‍♀️. Mercy, I’m on a lobbyist, have you guys seen the political stuff I post on my other account? Yep, probably just the fandom stuff I need to walk away from except for, you know, being a fan, but never discussing it.

8 notes · View notes

bakagamieru · 5 years

Note

I don't think people are mad because of harry still being sad about zayn or whatever it is between them. Public image or offical narrative you name it but for some reason it's ALWAYS zayn who gets talked shit about and people at their "enough!" point me inclueded. 90% of theblogs I follow here are always critical about what's going on but after 5 years you want somethings to left behind. And at this point I can't help but ask would this mess still going on after all this time if it was not zayn?

General

There is every reason to believe that Zayn leaving is a stunt and that none of the boys ever had a problem with each other. I’ve explained that in many previous posts, and the explanation takes up a lot of space, so I’m not doing it again here. You can check out those posts in my Zayn Stunt Summary here: https://bakagamieru.tumblr.com/post/120840259353/zayn-stunt-summary

I think it helps to visualize this situation as a siege. The human psyche is rather suggestible. Even for strong, confident, self-assured personalities, it can be difficult to hold up against constantly being told the same lie from every quarter. Sooner or later, people who are repeatedly told lies start to believe them, unless they’re very lucky, very aware, and very careful. That’s the whole concept of gaslighting. This has also been shown in psychological experiments where people have eventually been convinced they’ve broken bones that they never have just because they keep being told they have over and over.

That’s why it’s important with this situation to keep reminding ourselves of the hard facts and work through every new development logically. That’s how we survive the siege and stop ourselves from getting hypnotized into believing negative things about the boys just because we’re told negative things over and over again.

Direct Answer

I think the current badmouthing is about a sick and twisted promo strategy that all of their teams seem to share.

I suspect there would be a lot more negativity from Zayn’s side if he had proper promo. No promo, no appearances, no performances, no interviews = no opportunity for badmouthing.

Also, keep in mind that there are 4 people that can potentially badmouth Zayn, while Zayn is only 1 person to badmouth the other boys. That’s obviously going to lead to more vitriol directed at Zayn than at the other boys.

Those two things (lack of promo, 4 v. 1 scenario) are probably part of the reason everything seems so unbalanced.

There’s also the fact that Zayn was cast as the villain from the beginning. In the post I linked, you can find a post I made about why there were multiple reasons for that and why Zayn was actually the only person among the boys that could have been put in that role during this stunt. Is there probably some racism involved in that? Yes. Is part of the reason that people are so willing to believe the worst about Zayn linked to unconscious racism? Quite possibly, yes.

I know it sucks to see other people buying the negativity and feel like there’s nothing you can do about it. The only thing I can say is that if you’re surrounded by negativity, it’s very difficult to see anything but the negative side of a situation.

I prefer to think that most of the fans have been taken in by a targeted psychological strategy that relies more on repetitive misdirection than that most of the fans are blatantly racist. And I really do believe that’s true. I believe a lot of this type of racism is unconscious bias and that one day, hopefully a lot of people with these unconscious biases will at least become aware they have them and work towards trying to fix them.

But no, in general I don’t think this negativity is still going on only because it’s Zayn. I think it’s still going on because old 1DHQ still want it to be going on and keeps stirring the pot to make sure it does. I think this is still going on because old 1DHQ still has some sort of hold on 1D’s public images, because the “feud” drama is being used for promo, and because the situation can’t really be fully resolved until the hiatus ends (and I predicted that before the hiatus began). I had hoped that we might at least get friendly Zayn and 1D even before a reunion, but apparently that’s too much to ask for from the evil 1D overlords.

I, too, feel like shit every time this unnecessary negativity rears its ugly head. However, you have to either find a way to accept and move past it (which I do through reminding myself of the truth via logic) or you might need to remove yourself from the negativity. If it’s dragging you down constantly, consider unfollowing blogs that post the news that upsets you or blocking the most common tags on the posts that upset you. I know being told to ignore a bad situation isn’t the best, but for your mental health, it’s either that or finding a way to fight back that makes you feel better.

Showy = Putting on a Show

To me, the drama of this “feud” is just another reason to believe that nothing IS actually going on between Harry and Zayn. Nothing bad anyway.

When something is constantly being pushed in your face, it’s generally because someone wants you to see it. More often than not, the things that are really scandalous are hidden in the entertainment industry and it’s the huge dramatic “feuds” that are constantly in the news that end up being all an act.

Character

Maybe I wear rose-colored glasses, but I’d like to think I’m a decent judge of character. None of the boys are rude or spiteful enough to keep taking potshots, especially to gang up on one particular person, for years and years after a fight.

It takes a certain maturity to survive with as much grace as the boys have managed in the entertainment industry, and that sort of maturity should also lend itself towards mending a relationship after an argument / learning how to move on from an argument that can’t be fixed.

Former Friend vs. Foe

Yes, there have been a few public scuffles with other celebs in the past, such as the Wanted, but that situation is different simply because no 1D boys were ever close to any of the Wanted. A fight with a near-stranger is very different from a fight with someone you’ve called your brother on multiple occasions.

The closer the people who are fighting are, the more emotional it is and the more hurt people get. Being more emotional means being more likely to be very angry, but being more hurt means that you aren’t as likely to want to broadcast that very vulnerable, private feeling. You’re more likely to want to shun the topic with strangers than vent about it, if you’re any sort of a private person.

If we know nothing else, we at least know for sure that Zayn and the other boys were very, very good friends. You can’t fake the way they were together for the amount of time they were together.

It Was a Single Fight Supposedly

The story is that none of the boys are really in contact with Zayn, so according to that narrative, it’s not like there are ongoing clashes that keep any of the boys feeling like they need to keep commenting negatively about Zayn. If you’re continually butting heads, it might make sense to keep complaining about the situation, but that’s not what we’re being told is happening. We’ve essentially been told that there was 1 fight years ago and that’s been it aside from a small amount of supposed back and forth, almost entirely in print interviews initially.

Time and Common Decency

It’s been almost 5 YEARS. What person with any sense of decency keeps bringing up a fight at every public appearance that happened 5 YEARS ago?

That would be like getting in a fight with your good friend and then badmouthing them publicly at every gathering of your mutual friends for years. No matter who was in the right originally, you’re just a jackass at that point.

Talking about something in private and complaining is one thing, but doing it in public? That’s entirely different. And the more time that passes, the more ridiculous it is.

Relevancy

Zayn isn’t even really relevant to any of the boys’ solo careers, so it doesn’t particularly make sense for him to be brought up over and over.

This might be because the interviewers can’t seem to move on from 5 years ago, asking constantly about when the band is getting back together, if they’re getting back together, how is it different having a solo career, etc. It’s been 5 YEARS. Those questions have been asked and answered ad nauseam and it’s not like those answers have changed over time.

Sorry, got a bit off track complaining about interviewers… Anyway, it might just be the interviewers being unoriginal, but their team clearly hasn’t blacklisted the topic which would be a more sensible and classy way to handle things given the situation and the amount of time that’s passed. There’s no need to talk about Zayn at all really, and yet it keeps coming up. It just makes all of them look bad, which shouldn’t be the image their teams want for them, and yet…apparently something is more important.

The Promo Connection

More than that, it specifically always seems to come up during promo, for better or worse. Sometimes the mentions are more positive, but most of the time the narrative takes a sharp turn to the aggressively negative overnight.

After ranging from positive to neutral when talking about Zayn for years, suddenly during Liam’s first round of promo, things turned quite negative (e.g., wouldn’t save Zayn if he were drowning) and again during this current round of promo (e.g., guess I can talk about this honestly now, etc.).

After supposedly reconciling about 3 different times (while apparently having no contact positive or negative at all during these years?), Louis’ feelings on Zayn are apparently very negative (e.g. we’re too immature to ever make up) during this current round of promo.

After not talking about Zayn at all, Harry was suddenly negative during his first round of promo (I think it was the Rolling Stone print interview, but I’m not sure) and brought it up negatively again, unprompted, during this round of promo on SNL.

It’s not like Zayn ever HAS promo anymore, but when he does have interviews, there’s generally some sort of dig at One Direction somehow (pretty much all print interviews, of course).

The only one to escape the pattern is Niall, but Teflon Niall is a real thing, enough said.

It’s ALWAYS during promo for a single or album that things get nasty again. My best guess is that their teams think that the “feud” = drama = attention = sales. To me, it seems dumb, repetitive, unrealistic, etc., but I guess a casual fan or the general public wouldn’t follow everything they do, so it’s not as repetitive to that type of consumer.

Conclusion

I am 100% aware of how exhausting, frustrating, and infuriating this whole situation is. There’s no need for the negativity, it makes no sense, it paints all of the boys in a bad light, it basically requires someone to assume the worst of Zayn in order to believe any of it, and yet there are tons of people who still do believe all of it without any critical thought.

This is why I still write posts like these over and over again. I have to get those negative emotions out somehow, and the best way for me to feel better is by countering the official narrative by using logic. It reassures me that even though I’m made to feel like crap about the situation, my initial and continuing judgments about the situation haven’t been wrong. If you remind yourself of the actual proven characters of the people involved and work things out logically, it’s not dire like all the negativity makes it feel.

When things are loud, they tend to be for show. That’s what this all is. This negativity is for show, which means it’s not real.

TLDR;

The fact that there’s still so much public negativity between the boys and Zayn is unrealistic, and therefore suspicious, because:

the boys are too good to be acting like this

this supposed fight would be too intimate and painful to bandy about publicly like this

supposedly the boys haven’t been in contact and so all of this is over a single fight that happened 5 years ago

the boys are too smart to not know that acting like this makes them look bad

their teams have to be in favor of the badmouthing because otherwise they could easily have just not talked about it at all

there’s generally a sharp increase in negativity when one of the boys has single or album promo

there’s more badmouthing of Zayn because it’s framed as 4 v. 1 and also Zayn never has any promo

My conclusion from these points (and also from previous facts and experience) is that the badmouthing isn’t because 1D and Zayn want to be badmouthing each other. Rather, the drama of the “feud” is being used for promo and possibly other purposes. I firmly believe that if there were a real falling out, the 1D boys would have handled it far more gracefully than this, given the chance.

I suppose it’s possible that there was a real fight and that the boys were forced to handle it ungracefully by their team, but I would point to Occam’s Razor. The simplest explanation that fits ALL the facts related to this situation (from the time of Zayn leaving through now) is that Zayn was forced out of 1D as a stunt and that there was never an actual feud between Zayn and the rest of the boys.

So yes, this situation sucks, but no, I don’t blame either side for it because there are NO sides when there is no actual fight. I blame old 1DHQ and I blame society in general and I blame the ignorance of the general public. But I’m not here for them, I’m here for 1D, so I keep my head down and keep waiting for things to get good again.

#one direction #zayn leaving #zayn v. 1d feud #speculation #bakagamieru #masterpost #I wrote a massive post again #sob #why do I always do this?#when will I ever learn?#I also can't stay on topic for the life of me #Anonymous

75 notes · View notes

starsmuserainbow · 4 years

Text

* HOW I RUN MY BLOG

* SPEED : I tend to answer things at what I think is a pretty fast speed, usually within a few days.

* REPLIES : Uh what to say here? I try to, mostly, do them in the order that I recieve them. I sometimes mix it up a little (like for example if I want to avoid posting like 3 replies on Blackfire and then 2 on Starfire, I’d make it an altering posting like B/S/B/S/B), but mostly they stay in order. - Oh, this excludes stuff that I have going focused around festivities or recent dates or events or whatever, those are usually handled with priority for as long as the thing is still current.

And another thing about replies - I like to have something to respond to in replies, and I usually try to offer that too. Sometimes replies just are shorter or the likes, which is totally fine, but if all I ever get from someone is a line of "he/she nods and says ‘ok’” or something like that, there’s a good chance I’ll drop the thing soon.

And if you still want to hear something else, please make a thing we have into a new post if it started from an ask. I hate hate hate it when an ask is dragged around all the time, it’s probably the worst thing to see for me, so please for the love of anything just make a new post of a thing. And since we’re at it, cut the post at least after 5 short, though usually I’d recommend at highest 3, replies or so, please, I don’t wanna scroll an hour to get through one thread.

* STARTERS : I always welcome them! If you ever wondered if you could just write up a starter to/at one of my muses? Yes, please please do! I’ll probably be very happy and love you a little more for it! Of course, this goes mostly for mutuals, since for non-mutuals I think some form of talking first would be good.

Or if I should name something else here - I do open starters every now and then. Usually on sundays, but sometimes also somewhere in-between or on special dates/events, I either make new opens or reblog some on most or all of my muses, and I have so many of these that stay stuck at never being turned into any thread, so please don’t hesitate to respond to them.

* INBOX : My inbox is open for pretty much anything! I appreciate random asks for my muses, or unprompted things, or maybe some of the memes I reblog on each of my muses, or whatever - just throw it at me! Anon is also usually on, so feel free to use that if you prefer.

I don’t think I can add anything else here? If you do intend to send me OOC stuff, that’s perfectly fine too.

* SELECTIVITY : I think I am rather picky in who I follow, but I am open to non-mutuals too and sometimes even end up following the person after we started interacting even if I didn’t beforehand. So please don’t hesitate to try something with me, even if I didn’t follow you yet! If you’re reading this on any other blog than that, please remember that @starfirechan is my mainblog, and all my other muses are sideblogs of this one, which means I can’t exactly be mutuals with you on them, I can only follow back from here. If we did interact before, I will most likely let you know when/if I end up unfollowing. Which probably hurts in the first moment, but personally I think that that is better than just silently unfollowing and you one day learning that we weren’t mutuals anymore and feeling like I dragged you along or something.

Reasons for me not following you or unfollowing, listed without any order: Many many uncut posts or dragged-along asks, a big amount of things posting all at the same time especially when non-RP-things (or before-mentioned kinds of threads), no about or rules pages, dash-only [I feel like I should elaborate here, so: It’s not that I have anything against those using dash-only - you do you, and I do me. It’s simply that I keep track of what I owe by keeping tabs in my browser open, and that tends to mess up quickly when the tabs are tumblr/dashboard/blogurl/posturl, and not an actual url on the blog. I simply can’t good work with it, so that’s why I don’t follow. If we are mutuals and interacting and you choose to become dash-only, I’ll probably try to keep our interactions going, but I can’t really predict if that’d work well-enough.]. Sometimes autoplay, though with the script blockers I’m using in my browser I don’t think I actually notice if a blog has that anymore. Oh, and if you have a ‘special URL’, as in not the tumblr one, like those ‘co.vu’ things. Another, very obvious reason for me not following you, is of course me not getting a notification of you following in the first place, that happens sometimes too.

So yes, again, please don’t hesitate to approach me even if we aren’t mutuals, there’s a good chance I’ll still give us at the very least a chance!

* WISHLIST : First off, here’s links to my wishlist-tags on my muses: Starfire, Blackfire, Wildfire, Galfore, Starlight, Moonshot. Starlight’s wishlist is still empty at the moment of posting this, though. I don’t really know what else to say? Usually, having some ‘enemy’-esque relationships feels like a rather rare thing to me, so I could maybe name that too. Oh, and I feel like I have way too little of my muses ‘opening up’ to someone, that would be really amazing to have more too - though usually that would probably require some bonding beforehand so I guess I can just call it ‘lasting relationships’ (not talking the romance-way here).

Every few days or so, I also find myself longing for a few characters in particular, and since those are kind of wishes too, I guess I can name them here as well: Jericho, Mar’i, Red X. Cyborg too. Those’d be the characters I usually am most wishing/longing to actually have as interaction partners (in a lasting fashion), so yeah.

TAGGED BY: I’ve seen it on the dash a few times and figured it’s been a while since I last did a thing similar to this. TAGGING: Whoever wants to

#✫ Out of Clurblopf ✫ | OOC #I'll reblog this onto each of my other muses too #anime tw

6 notes · View notes

daemon-knight · 4 years

Text

So I guess I’m going to be doing these Off the Cuff/State of the Community things yearly. For those new, apparently once the year starts to end I do a massive essay/opinion piece on the general state of things I see in my little corner of the RP community. I usually do this due to let out some of the built-up of emotions in me just dying to let out, and also to collect my thoughts in a more civil way than just spewing it out angrily in the middle of January after an impulsive mass-unfollowing spree. Also, if I’m going to have to deal with a bunch of anon hate, mass exodus-ing of my blog, and relentless vague-bloggings on the subjects I talk about for the rest of the week, it might as well be at the end of the year so I can start the coming new year fresh.

Ideally, I’ll end this one on a more positive note if I organize everything properly, but we’ll see.

And so, with that said...

Notes from Last Year

I might as well start by making some quick notes and comments from last year’s little blurb and talk about what’s changed and what’s remained the same in terms of my opinion and general disposition.

And honestly, little has really changed.

However, just so everyone knows my current opinion of things from last year...

People are still promoting half-finished blogs and it needs to stop. Gonna’ say it again, don’t give people who don’t put in enough effort to finish the damn thing attention. I’d rather not see half and quarter-efforts be rewarded, as cruel as that sounds.

Dash Commentary is still a thing and it... bugs me. It’s going to get its own segment after this, but just know I'm less than apathetic about it.

I still see RPing as more of a character building experience more than anything thing else. I’ll go into more detail later, but the short of it is that it requires work on your end just as much as your partner’s.

I still look at canon divergence with raised eyebrows, but I’m slowly softening my stance on them, if only due to the fact that Claudia is an OC and not affected by a canon character’s position in the grander scheme of things.

My opinions on shipping and multi-muse blogs haven’t changed much either... That’s all I have to say for now, read the original post for more details.

Okay, that’s everything of importance from last year, let’s talk about some new stuff. Starting with...

Dash Commentary

Might as well rip the bandage off and get to the hard-hitting topics first.

Alright, I’ve said this before to some extent, but I’ll say it with a little more clarity here: Dash commentary, by all technicality, is meta-gaming. It is your character commenting on situations and events they would not have experienced first-hand nor were a part of as if they did and they were. I tend to tolerate this because it’s usually done for comedy, and usually a form of crack RPing. However, I’ll also say that the act of someone else commenting on events they weren’t a part of for sake of giving their two cents is very rarely perceived comedic or funny. And if it isn’t funny, it just comes across as juvenile.

It feels like weak excuse to be a part of an RP thread without actually replying to it. That, to me, is cowardly and it does more to infuriate me than anything else. Maybe I’m just being an old man complaining about the new way people RP now, but it really doesn’t feel like people want to be involved in conflicts and struggles anymore. It feels stale to me. I see it as a bigger problem in the state of things, and... I don’t know, it might be a problem larger than the RP corner I’m in.

Okay, that was a lot more depressing than I expected, we’re moving on.

To something even rougher.

Profiles/Blogs

For the sake of brevity and keeping things somewhat in order I’ll try and keep this to bullet points to not go too off-topic. But in terms of profiles and blogs...

Actually finish the damn blog before promoting it. This was an issue last year, I’m still seeing it, and it’s still annoying. It’s actual flash over substance and as someone that’s been doing this for over ten years, it irritates me something fierce.

A bit of repeating advice, but try and keep the actual profile short. About two to three short paragraphs for the bio, and for the personality section either a short paragraph or a quick list of the top five or six aspects of your character will do. I’ll say it again, as of this post I’m actively following over 60 people, anything to make it easier to get through your profile and plot things helps.

One that note, a short rules page helps too. If you’re over the age of 20 and you’ve been RPing for over 5 years you already have a decent grasp on grammar and general RP etiquette as far as I’m concerned. The main thing I look for in rules pages nowadays are for passwords and triggers, as those are the most important things to me as your partner.

Thankfully, I think passwords have either been phased out, or I’ve just blocked enough blogs that have them to not see them anymore. Either way, I’d still advise against having them. They do nothing but tack on extra work for a partner that, frankly, might not even be around long enough to actively write with.

I’d recommend not making a sideblog for RPing unless it’s specifically for NSFW RPing. It makes things like starter calls, asks, and general data-keeping difficult for both yourself and others... mostly others.

I don’t know why dash-only blogs are becoming a thing, but unless someone can explain to me the actual advantages of having them aside from avoiding the actual work behind making a full blog I’m going to advise against it.

And that’s really it in terms of profiles/blog advice/opinions I have. Moving to something a little more... divisive.

Musings/Galleries

To me their are two types of musings. The actual definition where a character speaks, thinks, meditates, or discusses on a specific topic at length. Or the type where people reblog quotes and aesthetic posts revelant to their character. I’ve talked about this before, but to summarize I think the latter kinds of musings weakens you as a writer, as you depend on outside sources to explain your character instead of your actual writing. That’s the nicest I can put, but that link I gave definitely doesn’t. Same thing for reblogging fanart of your faceclaim. I’ll probably do a rambling on that topic in the future, but the short version is those picture just fill a queue and that's really it. This is moreso aimed at OC blogs than Canon ones, but... eh, I got similar feelings on it.

Okay, moving to some actual advice now.

Advice and Miscellaneous Opinions

I think I’ve shown enough teeth, so now I can talk about the fun stuff in a nicer tone and really relax you with some advice.

Okay, I’m lying, I’m still going to be a little mean about this.

Really, it’s your blog, write however and whatever you want. In terms of honest advice I have very little. It’s a lot easier to explain what not to do than what to do. That said...

Something I’ve said in the past, but keep world-building to a minimal on your blog, or at least to things that directly effect your character. This usually means their powers, magic, weapons/equipment, and what’s relevant to their immediate background. To use Claudia as an example, I have an idea of what the social and political landscape of Ivora lands are, their economy, their reputation, and general army/militia is like, but I’ll only go into depth about it if a character asks Claudia herself about it. It’s not an immediate relevant part of a tomboy lesbian knight that stabs and punches people for fun, it’s just background information to help ground the character when needed.

I’ve got a draft on writing fight scenes in my drafts that I’ll be posting at a later date, but I’ll give the short version of my advice here. In short, fight sequences should have a back-and-forth rhythm to it. In terms of RPing it’s a lot like a turn-based RPG, you do a move, then your partner. One action leads to another, and another, and another. Have you character do nor more than two consecutive actions per post, as any more than that tends to ruin the flow and forces/pressures your partner to taking unnecessary hits. Much like professonal wrestling the goal is to sell the fight. Again, things to discuss on a later date, but that’s the gist of it.

Use alternate universes with care. If you can slot the original verse into a world without changing too much of your character, do it. I think the only series/worlds that are popular and widely-used enough to maybe need a alternate universe of its own (as of this post) would be My Hero Academia and Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure. Most other series/worlds already allow for some semblance of the supernatural and uncanny that can easily slot in a random element or two without breaking it, but My Hero Academia has a lot more grounded rules in place for how powers work as a whole and the laws (both physical and societal) work around them, so it’d be harder to logically stick random elements of someone else’s story in them without contemplation. JJBA has only two main ways to get superpowers as far as I’m aware, so trying to slot a random OC like Claudia in there would be difficult unless they followed the rules of the world. Most other series I thought of adding would allow for some amount of wiggle room for most characters. But just to be thorough...

As far as I’m aware Demon Slayer Yaiba is honestly just samurai killing demons with not-hamon, that’s not too hard slot in random characters that just happen to not be samurai/swordsmen so long as you mind the time period.

One Piece has a ridiculous among of wiggle room in terms of powers and abilities. Cursed Fruit is a thing, but I’ve heard there’s some leeway here and there.

The only real world-building done in any particular Fire Emblem is surrounding the immediate continent/country of that specific game, and they recognize that foreign nations are a thing, so not much work needs to be done there to slot some other medieval-based character in there.

I didn’t mention Fate/Stay Night, namely because I have mixed feelings about the series as a whole, some very conflicted opinions about Nasu’s writing style and themes, some pretty hot takes on F/GO as a concept, and a general revulsion towards gacha games... however, Fate/Stay Night is basically the modern world with magic and mages, which is pretty easy to slot in a character or two, Servants aside.

Also said this last year, but multi-muse, try and keep the number of muses in the single-digits, it’ll help you and your partners keep a little order in the long run.

Honestly? Queue/schedule your ask memes, it just looks nicer on everyone’s dash.

I was seeing people open themselves up for commissioning icons a few months back... I’m no lawyer, but I’d recommend commissioning icon psds frames instead. There’s a lot less worry of copyright shenanigans that way since most of those assets would be either your own making or through (ideally) sites and places that allow those assets free for commercial-use. Just saying.

Okay, I think that’s everything I wanted to get off my chest, at least everything I can think of at the moment. Let’s all do this again next year.

Or the next time Allen gets triggered by some fresh hell that taking over my corner of the RPC, whatever comes first.

#.rambling #.ooc

4 notes · View notes

gaslightgatekeepgodot · 5 years

Text

A (sizeable) rant/essay concerning my experiences in the Tumblr JJBA fandom.

None of you asked to hear this, but I’m getting pretty pissed off at some people in particular (I will not name names, though I may heavily implicate some people) and it’s finally started to kinda spill over. So I’m letting it spill; take it or leave it.

I’m... Fairly irate at the moment, and writing out my feelings does tend to help me calm down in situations like this, so if I was going to put this anywhere the best place for it is probably on the public internet. Again, take it or leave it: this is the internet, you don’t have to interact with me if this concerns you or your ideals. Just click that handy little block button on my profile and you never have to see little Nat mouthing off again.

If you want me to summarise (I know not everyone wants/is able to read a fluffed-up pillar of text) or explain my reasoning behind anything I’ve said below the cut, feel free to direct message me here or on Discord @nati bati yi#1462. Once I get this off my chest I’ll be more than willing to chat to people about it. <3

(Before I say anything else, this is not intended to be a callout in any way, shape or form. I don’t mention the specific names of anybody, and the actions I do mention here will only point to specific people if you know them too. Anyone on the outside should have zero idea of who anyone I bring up is; I do not want anyone to get harassed over this, and I very much do not want to start drama - that’s what inspired me to go off and write this hunk of garbage in the first place. I’m just... Sick to death of the fandom as a whole.)

Anyway. Here we go.

From what I’ve been able to tell, being in this fandom for just under a year now, there are two main halves to it: the gay-hating, stale-meme-parroting dudebro side, who seem to mostly congregate around YouTube and Reddit, and... Whatever the side based on Tumblr (and probably now Twitter) is. I don’t spend a lot of time on Reddit, so naturally I’ve been more exposed to the Tumblr side of the fandom, and after experiencing the ideals some people here want to force on other people I’ve come to the conclusion I’d almost rather be immersed in the bigoted dudebro side. And I say this as an ace-spec/gay trans man.

I’ll start with the blocklist.

I think most of us on Tumblr came to the conclusion that the blocklist was utter bullshit, but I did see a few people in a Discord server I have since left (I will expand on this later) defending the reasoning behind some ships being on there, citing the fact they had been abused in a relationship with a similar age gap. I can definitely see why that would bother a person, and I do not want to erase the fact that people have been and will be abused in similar relationships, but you can’t project your singular experience onto every fictional, non-canon character relationship and every person who ships it. For one, not every relationship is going to turn out the same just because it meets this one criteria of “the age gap is too big”, and, also, you don’t have to write fiction to totally reflect reality. You are in full creative control. Maybe if the characters were real people they wouldn’t click, but if you’re drawing a picture or writing a fanfic you don’t have to go along with that. You can write them so that they’re good to each other, while still keeping it in character. Araki has said that Jotaro and Kakyoin’s personalities don’t work together very well, and that they wouldn’t have become friends or even spoken to each other if Jotaro wasn’t a Stand user... But Jotaro/Kakyoin just happens to be the most-written about JJBA ship on AO3. Me? I love Jotakak. It’s about the only thing I do ship. And I’ve read some quite frankly amazing fanfiction where the two boys are paired and they work together, and it’s still very much in character. Of course, I’m very much against loli/shota content or content depicting characters who don’t look very old- if someone drew Koichi in a sexual situation I would be pissed as all hell, but I don’t have to engage with that content any further. I can just filter out the tag/block the OP and move on. You don’t need to make a fuss and tell/imply to people that they are paedophilic for enjoying well-written content where a 17-year-old is in a healthy relationship with a 22-year-old, platonic or otherwise.

My second point brings in some of the things I’ve learned while studying media this past year. My main point here: not everyone in an audience is the same. There is a reason differential decoding and the uses and gratifications theory exist. The uses and gratifications theory states, at its most basic, that the audience of a media text is active, not passive; i.e. they are not just absorbing every piece of data thrown at them by the text they are consuming, and they are consuming different media to satisfy a need- for JJBA, that need could be entertainment, escapism, identifying with a character similar to yourself or to give you something to talk about with your friends. Differential decoding arises when someone consuming a piece of the media does not entirely go along with the creator’s preferred reading of it- an example might be how a sizeable amount of people enjoy villainous or “disgusting” characters such as Dio, Cioccolata, Stroheim or Melone, when they were clearly written in canon to be abhorrent, unlikable people for varying reasons. I can also say that, because the audience is active, and consume media based on their personal needs, that somebody writing fanfic of a ship you don’t like isn’t going to make incest or paedophilia more socially acceptable. I don’t consume that content, because I don’t feel the need to. Sure, real paedos might, but they’re a minority. Just because a couple hundred people or so read a fanfic on the free web where a grown adult does the dirty with a little kid, doesn’t mean to say everyone in the world will suddenly start thinking it’s ok. Mention it to any sane person in real life and they will not like that idea any more than you do.

And my third point is more a personal thing than anything else, but there is a community I used to be part of (and was part of almost from the beginning) where I didn’t feel welcome because of people causing drama over things like what I mentioned above. I started multiple discourses entirely by accident by saying I didn’t understand why everyone though X ship was horribly problematic and worth getting mad at people over. I still don’t feel like anyone deserves to be harassed over characters and ships they enjoy, but that doesn’t mean to say I support all of it. Along with generally feeling ignored by a lot of the moderators of that server, as well as their friends, I was just sick to death of how they seemed to single out some certain people to say, “hey, don’t do this” when other people seemed exempt. I was verbally warned for posting innuendos in a general chat (but it’s not like I could anywhere else on the server, because I’m not 18 yet), but at least once every day I would see two people flirting in-character in whatever channel they happened to meet in, and it never seemed to be in a roleplay channel- I couldn’t see into NSFW to check if they did it there too, but the fact it would leak out into gen concerned me. They would throw innuendo after innuendo at each other, and they never seemed to stop, or be told to stop. Yes, I could have messaged the moderators to say it made me uncomfy, but one of them was a moderator themselves, so I felt a little out my element doing so.

Another thing that bothered me is when I tried to join an offshoot of that server for kin, and the admin - I assume - of said offshoot server messaged me (with some other conversation concerning it in between) that, despite the fact I only wanted in to help me figure out what it meant to me, I wasn’t allowed in because somebody was uncomfy with doubles. I completely understand that, but I had spoken to the only person it could have been (I wasn’t given a name, but it wasn’t difficult to figure out who it was) multiple times about that character and how similar we were- hell, we had even roleplayed together as doubles of that character and no problems were ever expressed to me. If anything it seemed like we left off in a spot we could have carried on from later. It might not have been intended that way, but being told I wasn’t allowed in there made me feel excluded from the community nonetheless, especially because I’d had a few people tell me the night before that they wanted more people in there and that I’d be totally welcome. I was also told, before any of this happened, that the same person blocked a friend of mine in another server for going on a small rant about how they didn’t like the way Josuke acted in the episode where he plays dice with Rohan and ends up burning his house down, because they kin Josuke..? At least, that’s what was relayed to me.

But, hey ho, it’s all behind me now. I won’t lie; I don’t really plan on ever going back. I don’t want to engage anymore, because it makes me uncomfortable and anxious thinking about it, so I most likely will unfollow most (if not all) of the blogs pertaining to that community tonight. I do have a few people still there who I miss speaking to, but I’ve DM’d all of them on Discord at least once since I’ve left and talked to them about either how I miss them or something entirely unrelated to the server. I’d like to talk more with them, but DMs are always awkward for me to begin with... I have a feeling they might not want to talk after reading this, and I think I’m ready to accept that? Might be difficult not being able to scream about fanfic as much, but I won’t impose on anyone if my presence makes them uncomfy. I don’t want to be that guy.

I’ll say it again: now that I’ve got this off my chest and subsequently calmed down a lot, I’m more than willing to talk about any of it. Just shoot me a message on Discord and I’ll reply when I’m able and feeling up to talking about it again. For now I’m probably just going to go back to pissing about on Flight Rising or play Smash or something

#melon sounds #jjba #this doesn't mean i won't be consuming or creating fanon content anymore #you can pry kakyoin content from my cold dead hands #i just don't want to engage with the fandom as a community anymore.#which is hell because i want to roleplay #but i guess i could just do one-on-one/kceb for now #ilu kceb. you're all the best #but uhhh hit me up if you want to 1x1... i only feel fully comfy playing kakyoin at the moment but i love AUs and canon divergence #if we get close enough i could try my hand at playing someone else #and yeah. i'm not angry anymore #writing this has calmed me down immensely. jj&c bois will know how ready to fight someone i was #anyway. goodbye for now.#it's viddy gaem time

5 notes · View notes

soldiiermade-blog · 6 years

Text

hey guys... so i was going to wait until tomorrow after some more coherent thoughts, but i’ve been thinking about it for a few days now and feeling really, really hurt. this is going to be long and i’m not going to put under a read more because it’s the first time in my life i’ve ever had to make a post like this.

by now, i think most of the people in this community know me. i’ve been around for over two and half years now on the same blog. and i’ve tried to be someone who has shown a level-head, positive approach and, tbh, i think i’ve done that.

i’m twenty-seven years old and i’m way passed the anger and resentment i’ve seen on the dash lately.

you all know i ship bella.rke. you all know this and you still choose to follow me. many people have followed me since i started in 2016. i love you all, but when i first started here, this community was a place of loving acceptance and support. i was dumbfounded when i joined about the amount of respect people had for one another.

there were no ship wars. like literally -- everyone just supported everyone. and that was so beautiful to me.

but now... it’s gotten to the point where hating on a particular ship (you know the one) has become “the cool thing” to do. and i’m really disheartened by it. when i come on the dash, i’m not here to ship. i’m here to write a character i love with other people i love who write other characters i also love.

right now, i’m not feeling that. i don’t believe anyone has ever intentionally tried to hurt me. everyone has been incredibly kind and nice to me personally - and i do believe that’s because i’ve always done the same to others.

but i came on tonight SO EXCITED for this episode. not because of the last scene with bellamy and clarke. but because two characters which i’ve always supported and loved - monty and harper - got the most beautiful, poignant ending i could’ve imagined for them. and because i’m so excited to see the direction which the show was taking us in.

and, yes, i was happy to see bellamy and clarke coming back to support one another. but that scene ... had nothing ... to do ... with romance. nothing! it was about support and friendship.

and yet... i come onto this dash to see some great gifsets and what do i see? immediate bellar.ke hate. there is absolutely no need to post mean things about other people’s ships. if this were any other ship’s moment over bellar.ke (and remember, i viewed that hug as platonic... his girlfriend is still fucking asleep!), then no one would be saying anything.

i should be allowed to be happy about that moment in their relationship where they’re able to step forward as partners again.

and yet. i have felt judged the moment someone hears that i ship this thing. i literally hesitate before posting any gifset regarding the ship or friendship because i’m wondering will this be worth it? i have never hesitated with any other gif set before other than bella.rke.

i know the twitter fandom can suck. i know the personal fandom can be tiring. i know this! but the rp bella.rke shippers that i follow have always been supportive of other ships. i have not seen anything spiteful about another ship in a long time. maybe that’s the people i’m following, idk. but i can’t seem to escape the bellar.ke judgement.

i can’t unfollow everyone nor do i want to.

i feel as though i’ve done bellamy’s character justice. i’ve respected who he is. shipping one thing hasn’t changed the fact that i’ve given him time, energy, and a lot of my heart to make him a real character.

i have also respected all of you. i have loved you and supported you. i want to feel happy on my dash again. i want this to be fun. and i’m allowed to be happy over something that i enjoy.

this is hella long and i’m sure most people won’t get to the end. it’s just where my heart is. and right now, i wanted to be happy over this episode, only to feel a little bit less because of what i’ve seen. if we want this fandom to be better, make it better.

#long post for ts #negativity tw #* ! — ooc || i’m a hufflepuff in every quiz i’ve ever taken online #t100 spoilers

24 notes · View notes

flava-proelium · 7 years

Text

“Reno you idiot, fly the fucking helicopter!”

Status: Semi-Hiatus

Welcome! I just want to make sure we all have fun here, so let’s begin! My name is Flare. We’ll just go over some basic stuff to get you out and on your way with me, okay? Fast fun and easy before you know it!

Basics: No God-Mod, and No Hate. I don’t tolerate either. Give me space for Elena to respond, and I will do the same for you. And if you are an OC, please be sure to have a constructed bio and good means of rules. I don’t like receiving or seeing hate, and I will defend for those who are hated on. Do not blame me for things. If you just up and block me, I likely won’t understand why you got irritated by me. Please do not hesitate to talk to me if I made a mistake; I likely didn’t know!

This blog can and will have NSFW themes; which involves violence, gore, blood, asides from smut, and will have pokes at medical drama as well. I used to have cancer myself, though now spend a lot of time making sure people know about the effects of cancer in particular and positive posts on them, and occasionally my own that are always positive. You are more than welcome to block these triggers and more, with most posted as tw: ____.

Besides triggers, I do post ooc quite a bit. I am a rp blog but can be very slow. I post some updates, can are more than welcome to block the tag ;; For The Shredder (To Be Deleted) ;; for updates that are not important, and will be eventually cleaned away. My ooc is ;; Cluttered Thoughts (ooc) ;; and my important posts are ;; Marked Of Importance (psa) ;;. Finally, you are more than welcome to block the last: FeelGoodFriday. I post cute animals and funny notes each Friday that averages on 10 posts a week. You are also welcome to request things for the next week if you are not bothered by the amount of posts. I know many like it, so I love doing these each week.

I’m slow! I can be fast here at first, but I will eventually tumble up and about and gather several replies at a time and take my time with them! I usually try to queue them when I cannot be online, but please do not bother me for them! You may ask once if it has been over a week or so, but badgering will only get you blocked. Fair warning! I am a two year community college student that is 21+, so I will not be on all of the time. You do not need to by any means format like I do, nor match length. And if you have a hard time reading my smaller text, please let me know! With updates, I will not use any colored text at any point in time.

Most images used here are not mine. I will always mark as mine, though credit to images on Elena is either reblogs, or noted. Elena sidebar image: Chalkori aka Meiyo-chan. My Face claim for BC Elena is Misa Amane from Death Note, taken and edited from here and here. My RL faceclaims are Sienna Miller for and adult faceclaim, and Duffy for my teenage faceclaims. These have been made by capping, and would ask not to be reproduced. My ooc fc is Mitsukuni “Honey” Haninozuka from Ouran Host Club, and my childhood Elena icons are Haruka Kotoura from Kotoura-san and are not mine unless noted. All icons seen have either been made for me or found and lightly edited.

At this time I will note that I do not normally follow Personal blogs. You are free to like my posts at free will, but this is not a personal blog. If you have a sideblog linked to your personal, please let me know, to avoid confusion. You are also free to ask as anons about anything to Elena, however.

I also want to note that I am multi-lingual friendly! I love learning languages, and a fast way I learn is though RP. I will use Google Translate much of the time, but I will be all means try something new. I know the most in romanji Japanese, but am not too limited on others. So please, if English is not your first language, let me know, and I may be able to go to your first dialect rather than struggling with English overly. There are over a million words in English, so I know it is not easy.

Finally, I will likely unfollow you after a year of inactivity, unless I happen to know you well enough and know that you are unable to be on tumblr for some reason. This is nothing personal; I just need to clear things now and again. If I unfollow you suddenly and we have interacted recently, please feel free to message me. This was likely tumblr being stupid.

** To be edited as required! **

#mobilerules

4 notes · View notes

paulpowder2-blog · 5 years

Text

3 Terrible Purchases That Finally Made Me Change My Lifestyle

With the approach of a New Year, I think it’s inevitable that we all start reflecting on ourselves and what we’d like to change. While I definitely fall into the category of people who are “New Year’s Resolution-Makers,” I actually do try to implement changes throughout the year and not just at the beginning. I’ve learned throughout the years that I can get easily sidetracked and distracted by multiple goals and projects, so if I truly want something to change, I just have to start (or least start planning) now instead of waiting for a particular date.

But I am a fan of New Year goals and resolutions. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having that motivational push and if it that’s what you need to help you get into the self-improvement mindset. So in the spirit of 2019, these are the three lifestyle changes I’m continuing to work on after making some of my worst purchases. Sometimes these were made out of insecurity and vanity, and sometimes they were simply because I was irresponsible. Either way, these seemingly innocent purchase mistakes ended up teaching me more than how to better manage my budget.

1. A Custom Blazer I Saw On Instagram

Cost: $100 CAD ($75 USD)

When Instagram became popular a few years ago, I began to follow a lot of fashion and lifestyle bloggers. They all posted these incredibly beautiful photos — you know the ones — posing in a stunning outfit in front of a white-washed background with perfect hair and make-up. At the age of 21, I was super impressionable and in awe of all the beautiful people and things on Instagram.

So in 2015, when I was visiting my family in Vietnam and was in the city of Hoi An, famous for custom tailoring, I decided that I was going to treat myself. I had a custom blazer made in the same style as one of the fashion bloggers I had been following. She had just posted this incredibly chic photo in New York in it and I thought it would be perfect for when I returned to work after my trip. To be clear, it was not an average blazer, it was this cape-style blazer that didn’t have sleeves, but instead had the arms slits cut mid-way down the blazer.

I didn’t even wear it once before I threw it in the donation bin a year later.

I realized then that a lot of the beautiful things fashion/lifestyle bloggers wear are on Instagram are not only impractical, they’re down right uncomfortable. That blazer was not functional; because it didn’t have proper sleeves, I couldn’t move my arms without it slipping into an uncomfortable position. Literally the only thing that blazer was good for was Instagram likes.

I knew I couldn’t afford the designer blazer she was wearing so I had a custom one made instead and while $100 didn’t break my bank account, it was a lot of money for me on a backpacker’s budget.

To me, that blazer was the physical manifestation of all those Instagram photos of influencers that I aspired to be like – carefree, beautiful, and always perfect looking with this effortless backdrop. But that blazer taught me I had to be careful not to let beautiful photos skew my perception of reality in how I see myself and what I can afford to spend.

I’d like to say that I cut off all Instagram influence after this experience, but it wasn’t that simple. Sure, I unfollowed fashion bloggers here and there, but it wasn’t just the clothes, it was the lifestyle. Every year I try to get better and better at critically thinking about who I follow and what kind of online world I want myself surrounded by. I try to unfollow people throughout the year if I don’t think if they positively contribute to my life anymore, but I recently found a loophole into this horrible habit. For the past year, I’ve instead been lurking the profiles of people who live these perfect lives to see what they were up to and what they were wearing. And every time I searched them, it would appear as a suggestion in my search bar. So it would be this vicious cycle of me still viewing these people’s highlight reels except I would check back on their profile instead of following them, which was worse (you can judge me for this one, because it really was creepy).

You probably think I sound obsessive, and honestly, it’s probably bordering there. But as of recently and into 2019 I’m going to get more use out of the hide, mute, and block function on Instagram to stop myself from going down that rabbit hole. I fully understand that these are not bad people; I’m sure they are great people, but in trying to stay authentic to myself, I’ve learned that I have to be surrounded by people online that I would want to hang out with in real life. This means following people who genuinely share their successes and challenges in life, and not just the perfect cool girls who were nice, but I never ended up staying in touch with after high school.

2. The Subscription I Refused to Cancel

Cost: $518.64 CAD ($387.75 USD)

One of the worst and costly mistakes I’ve ever made was being too lazy to cancel subscriptions that I do not use. And I’m sure I’m not alone in this one since gym memberships are notorious for being a prime example of how long one can deny the use of a subscription until actually canceling it. Thankfully, I’ve never lied to myself that much and bought a gym membership. I much prefer to exercise in the outdoors; I pay enough for it by living in Vancouver, BC.

However, there were many times that I talked myself into other costly subscriptions and never fully used them, which is exactly the same thing as a dusty gym membership. For me, my vice is learning. I want to learn everything.

So after discovering the world of calligraphy and typography (on Instagram of course), I got swept away with the idea of learning all things graphic design. Shortly after, I looked into getting an Adobe Photoshop license for my computer, even though I was nowhere near that level that required it. And because I still had a student email account, I learned I got a discount if I subscribed to the Adobe Creative Cloud Suite instead which would come with all of their programs as opposed to just the one or two I needed and I thought, “what a great deal! What a great chance to learn more.” The problem was I only clicked into those other programs maybe once before deciding it was not for me and never opened them again because I was too overwhelmed. I should have just canceled it after the two months after realizing that I didn’t need it and wasn’t interested in learning all these programs after the initial excitement wore off, but I didn’t. I lied to myself for a bit more than a year before finally letting go of that $30+ charge each month.

The plus side is that I did a lot from it, but not surprisingly, I really only learned Photoshop and Lightroom which were the only two I was interested in. More than that, I learned that I did not need the software to really practice my hobby (if I wanted to turn it into a side hustle sure, but I was nowhere near that level yet).

I think constantly having the desire to learn more and further my self-improvement is a wonderful quality and I do really like that about myself. But I’ve also learned I need to put limits on it, both in time and in money. I can’t just jump into things thinking I have the time and desire to learn it. More importantly, I shouldn’t just sign up for costly subscriptions and software to think that I needed them to pursue a hobby. We do live in the age of YouTube and tutorials and if I really wanted to learn something, I should use make use of free resources to consider if I truly enjoy the hobby, before jumping in credit card first.

I could have waited a bit longer to see if I really needed those programs, but I got tempted by the package offer and caved into the idea that I would be “saving money” with this bundle. In the end, I spent over $500 on this very expensive lesson.

Nowadays, I have a budget and account for creative projects. Whenever I make money through my side hustles, I put it towards paying for new creative things I want to learn. I have a budget for everything else, why not creative hobbies? Having a set budget for it really makes me critically think about whether I have the time, energy, and interest to really pursue a particular creative project because I have to work extra hard for side hustle money as opposed to my regular salary.

So far, it’s going great, and made me really think about what I enjoy enough to spend money learning more about. For 2019, I’m going to continue using the budget mostly for my blog because more and more I’ve found my passion for it, and be super honest with myself if I have the budget for more projects. The best part of this system is that it has created a definite limit on my spending and makes me super cautious of subscriptions. Before, the charge would just come off of my credit card, and it would be buried underneath a mountain of other transactions. Now, there’s a set amount in a specific side hustle account in my PayPal account and everything for creative projects gets paid out from there. If I don’t add to it, I simply run out of money and can’t buy it.

3. The Wrong Paint

Cost: $42.97 CAD/$32.13 USD (for the wrong one), $34.97 CAD/$26.14 USD (for the correct one)

Yes, I paid more for the wrong paint.

This one is just a reflection of how poorly I plan and research sometimes. After buying my apartment, I naturally wanted to put a fresh coat of paint on it. Not only for the obvious reason that it would look nicer, but because the previous owners also chose this horrendous brown-y yellow paint for a small bedroom. Like, why?

In my excitement, I did absolutely zero research on what type of paint I actually needed and based 100% of my decision solely on the color of paint.

Life lesson: There are different types of paint.

I ended up buying two colors of paint; a grey one for my living room and a white one for my bedroom. However, after painting my entire bedroom with friends, I learned that I had accidentally bought “exterior” paint, which is sturdy and sticks the second you apply it. While painting, I could see that it looked really streaky, but I told myself that it would look better when it dried. When my mom came over and jokingly remarked “wow, this looks really bad”, I responded defensively. But when the paint was fully dried, I realized (of course) that my mom was right and it did look really, really bad. I had to come to terms with the fact that I had made a mistake and it not only cost me financially, but it cost me time. If anyone has ever painted an entire room before, you’ll know it’s not quick. I had to re-paint the whole place myself and it took many evenings after work to complete it.

Prior to this, if something was broken or needed repair in the home, my parents or landlord would fix it. This was the first decision regarding a home where I was the one completely responsible for the damage and for the repair. And the responsibility was hard to deny when I was literally standing in the middle of a horribly painted bedroom.

As I’ve continued to decorate and organize more of my apartment, I’ve gotten better and better at planning and researching my needs beyond just the aesthetics of it. I’m not perfect, but I’m getting there. More specifically, I’ve started especially really paying attention to the exact measurements of things instead of just eyeballing it. And probably to no surprise, it’s been working. What a concept.

In the end, these were all purchases I’ve made that were probably not my best choice. I actually choke a little when I think about all the money I spent on the fancy tools and software for hobbies I became enamored with (I did not include all of them or else this article would have turned into an essay), but spending this money badly taught me a lot. These bad purchases showed me, in a tangible dollar amount, the not so nice parts of me. It showed me how much I truly do care about my looks (despite what I think), the cost of my ambitions, and the consequences I have to pay when I rush into home purchases. Sure, I could have learned these lessons another way, but these bad purchases really pushed that mirror on me to reflect upon.

These are changes and lessons I’m currently incorporating, and working to improve upon in 2019. I’m definitely not perfect when it comes to curating the noise of social media or planning for my home but every month I get better and better. I’m using the New Year as a way to ride onto the “new year, new me” wave, but I hope you’ll think about something you’ve been meaning to change too. Even if you don’t start on January 1st, that doesn’t make it any less important or mean it will be any less successful.

Kimberly is the writer behind www.millenniallifeadmin.com. MLA is a blog that helps break down the everyday adulthood tasks of growing up; one unavoidable responsibility at a time. You can also find her scrolling through memes and sassy posts on Instagram @millenniallifeadmin.

Image via Unsplash

Like this story? Follow The Financial Diet on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter for daily tips and inspiration, and sign up for our email newsletter here.

Source: https://thefinancialdiet.com/3-terrible-purchases-that-finally-made-me-change-my-lifestyle/

#read more #see more #check it out #interesting #learn more

0 notes

pullcarol0-blog · 5 years

Text

3 Terrible Purchases That Finally Made Me Change My Lifestyle

1. A Custom Blazer I Saw On Instagram

Cost: $100 CAD ($75 USD)

I didn’t even wear it once before I threw it in the donation bin a year later.

2. The Subscription I Refused to Cancel

Cost: $518.64 CAD ($387.75 USD)

3. The Wrong Paint

Cost: $42.97 CAD/$32.13 USD (for the wrong one), $34.97 CAD/$26.14 USD (for the correct one)

Yes, I paid more for the wrong paint.

In my excitement, I did absolutely zero research on what type of paint I actually needed and based 100% of my decision solely on the color of paint.

Life lesson: There are different types of paint.

Image via Unsplash

Like this story? Follow The Financial Diet on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter for daily tips and inspiration, and sign up for our email newsletter here.

Source: https://thefinancialdiet.com/3-terrible-purchases-that-finally-made-me-change-my-lifestyle/

0 notes