#thats good too bc then i can save it as memory on my online diary
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maybe i should just be grateful he didnt full on block me everywhere
#but... does it matter when he doesnt even talk to me..#im like mentally and emotionally blocked lol#im trying so hard not to spam him w messages and get myself actually blocked#but i wanna die#i dont understand how he can just .. not care abt me#i really need to get over this but idk how#i need to start accepting that my blog is my ONLY friend#and i need to talk to my blog as i want to talk to a friend#then it wont matter anymore if ppl come and go#bc my blog will always be my best friend#i need toget ober the avpd shame of like damn i posted this and got 0 notes#bc i dont post for notes#in fact the less ppl who follow and see the better bc getting attention is scary#but im like wow if someone sees this theyll think im a loser#but i dont actually care!!!#anyway i wanna send cat pics to someone#and he doesnt wanyt my cat pics anymore#so i should like make a tag on my blog which is my real friend#and share pics of my cat whenever i want#thats good too bc then i can save it as memory on my online diary#^-^!!!#but bc of childhoos neglect i have this compulsive need to share things WITH a person#anyway i need to get over that#im sad bc i miss HIM as a person but also that i could share things w him#but yeah... whatever!!! i should be happy he hasnt blocked me. yet.... :(#and i need to be careful and not give into the urge to message him and be like umm why dont j care i miss u helloooo#bc then he willblock me and yeah i cant dealwith that :((
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